I (female, 21) don’t have much dating experience, and what little I’ve had was only with men. But it never got physical, and I haven’t even had my first kiss yet. To be honest, I don’t even know if I’ve ever really been in love with anyone. Until recently, I was convinced that I was asexual and just hadn’t met the right person yet. But for the past few months, I’ve been having serious doubts about that, and I’m not really sure what to do next.

I know that I don’t need a label, but somehow I feel better if there was more certainty and a group I belong to. But right now, I don’t know anything, and all I ever hear is the same phrase: “The right person will come along eventually.” This uncertainty has always been there for me, and I don’t know what to do or who I am in this regard… Back when I was a teenager and my friends were talking about boys and more intimate topics, I tended to avoid it and sometimes felt uncomfortable. I think I just always assumed I was “by default" straight (if that makes any sense) and since I don’t want a physical relationship with a man, I must be asexual. I’ve always viewed men as my only option—even when it came to celebrity crushes, it was no different...

But since I’ve been seeing more content on this topic (“The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn’t a Guy at All,” “The Lovers,” “Sheera,” …), I can actually imagine being in a relationship with a woman (including an intimate one Ig). For some reason, I just can't do that with a guy. I still think men are attractive, and I could imagine being in a relationship with one, but maybe not an intimate one... But somehow, I'm still afraid I might be wrong all over again.

Thanks for reading this. Have a great day (:

As a bisexual trans girl (maybe, not sure yet)

Is it ok to prefer heterosexual relationships?

Been wondering that for a bit

I am trying tinder and it isn’t suggesting a good variety of people to say the least. I keep running out of suggestions quickly too. I think i have only liked one person so far 😂😂

I'm mostly posting this curious if anyone else has had a similar experience.

I (M) have had the wonderful privilege of marrying my best friend (F) over 10+ years ago. We both grew up in a fundamentalist Christian religion (cult?) that we have both left.

About a year and a half ago, my wife came out to me as bi. I didn't think much of it. She assured me that our monogamous marriage was working for her, but she wanted to come out to me first, because we are best friends and confidants.

Well, personally, I've always thought I've had odd... Questions and feelings from time to time. With a kind of distant, odd thought that "well, maybe I'm bi." Kind of a distant idea. Growing up in a repressive environment, it can be hard later in life to figure things out; the childhood experience really doesn't allow for natural self discovery and development. I have known since I was a boy I liked women, so I just felt like maybe it never occurred to me to check?

Recently I had an evening all to myself and blessing better to do on a Monday, I thought I might "get to the bottom" of my sexuality. I felt a bit like a 7th grader again, googling "cute boys kissing."

Well, after having the space to do so, I have come to the conclusion that, yes, I am a bisexual man. And honestly, of all the things I've had to accept about myself, this really didn't feel bad at all.

What I did not expect, was that all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, I would start noticing men. Like, arms at the gym, or how some men's eyes light up when interacting with other people or the things they are interested in... Before this, it's as if I had a mental blindspot about looking too closely at men. Almost as if I have been subconsciously avoiding it, and then as I was able to accept myself the blindspot suddenly is gone?

It's been a very surreal. Not something I had on my bingo card. Though in retrospect it does seem kind of obvious. I'm grateful to have a spouse that is in the exact same boat, and she reported similar experiences after coming out as well.

Anyway, I'm curious if anyone else has had a similar experience, especially those who have come out in midlife or later. I'm really glad I'm at a point in my life where something like this is a fun development, and not a scary one. I suspect religious trauma likely plays a role, I'm sure when I was younger it's not that it didn't occur to me to check, I was likely just way too scared.

I recently accepted that I’m bi after a long time of questioning myself, and figured the first step I should take was talking to people I know. My friend (20M) and I (19M) were hanging out the other night and spent a lot of time talking about life stuff. Eventually the conversation landed on dating and I, having recently been thinking about that sort of thing, decided to open up about being bisexual.

It was pretty funny at first, being about as straight as a guy can get, he didn’t understand or expect that from me at all. It took him a while to get that I’d be at all interested in being intimate with another guy, which was enlightening for me since for the longest time I figured everyone was at least a LITTLE curious about that (but I guess that’s a whole other story). We talked for a while about it and he found it funny but ultimately was happy for me.

It felt weird coming out like that, but at the same time pretty freeing. It’s almost like talking about it with someone else made it “real” if that makes any sense. I still don’t think I’m comfortable telling my parents until I move out next year (they’re very religious and obviously not the biggest allies…), but I’m happy I talked to someone.

Hi everyone! I need some advice on this.

So basically I’m 18 and I’ve always called my self bisexual. I’ve never been in a relationship with a man or woman.

So I thought I was bisexual because when I was about 15 I had a massive crush on this girl that I was friends with and I felt like I loved her (even though it was just a crush) and after this I had small crushes on other girls.

But as I’ve gotten older I haven’t really had any crushes or feelings for women. I do see some women and I might feel something about them but I think it’s more from a place of admiration? than attraction.

Just now I feel like I’m exclusively attracted to men.

My husband of 10+ years came out to me as bi. I’m a straight female. He’s never been with a guy and for religious reasons suppressed this for years. He’s been depressed and going to therapy and I didn’t know why, until I found messages with a guy on his phone he was befriending. The messages seemed intense and even though there was no official line crossing, the whole exchange was a red flag for me and I brought it up and he came out. Turns out he was working toward telling me. I honestly don’t care if he’s bi because we’ve had great intimacy, both initiate, and he says all of that was real for him.
My worry is that I found out he’s hidden things for our entire relationship, like gay porn, going to the gym so he could get a glimpse of someone, being on this friendship app to get validation. He’s never cheated, but the most recent messages I found were the verge of an emotional affair, and he was purposefully hiding it.

He says he doesn’t know what he wants, because he wants me and our life but he also wants these other things.

I’m sad, mad, confused, all the things, cause I love this man and I’m terrified he’ll choose a different life. He says he doesn’t trust himself because he’s hidden for so long.

Do you think we can make it as a mixed orientation couple? Great communication, great intimacy, great life together…. I just don’t know if I can give him what he actually wants.

tw: suicidal thoughts

i’m (m19) a uni student in germany and wanted to put this into words because people here seem understanding, and i find it hard to talk about this with anyone i know.

i’m attracted to men and also can feel attraction to women, but i can only comfortably imagine a future with a woman. at the same time, i feel like actually falling in love might only happen with a man. i’ve never really had a relationship, and this makes me worry i’ll never experience romance and also the aspect of openly comfortably talking about romance in life. i feel like i can only properly feel romantic feelings towards men. i know there’s nothing wrong with being gay or bi, but i still wish this part of my life was different. imagining myself openly dating a man makes me uncomfortable, and i struggle with being associated with gay stereotypes.

the confusing part is that i don’t think most people around me would reject me. people who’d reject me or actually see me differently and be appalled is my family. it’s more that i hate the idea of them seeing me differently, even if they were accepting. knowing that they’d now think about me differently would make me feel exposed. and now i feel like im running out of time and have to fix this issue of mine asap because the more time goes by the more people get used to this mask i wear and will see me differently when i decide to out myself if i ever do. and that sounds easier said than done, but to me it’s more, they get used to this version of me that isn’t completely me and then they will definitely see me differently once i out myself and try to express myself better.

because of this, i monitor myself a lot. if someone asks why i don’t have a girlfriend or makes a “that’s so gay” comment, i stop reacting naturally and start thinking about how a straight guy would react. then i overthink my answer, their reaction, whether they noticed something, etc. this used to happen mainly around one friend, but now that im in uni i’m scared of it happening with almost anyone. i usually understand what triggered it, but that doesn’t help me stop. and this overthinking that comes along with the self monitoring is so intense, it gets me into a depressive phase. but overthinking doesn’t just happen in these types of situations but in general i overthink so so much. i replay moments in my head and monitor myself and regret. even in situations not regarding my sexuality.

i distance myself from people i actually like because getting closer means more personal conversations. even uni group projects make me anxious because spending more time together could lead to those topics. a friend regularly invites me to things, but i hesitate and barely initiate anything myself. i really enjoy being with her, especially alone, but worry about her bringing others or noticing and commenting on something. i feel like a bad friend, even though i really do want closeness. ever since im in uni, i’m not experiencing any feeling of being excluded because the people i’m surrounded by are so welcoming. but it’s just me isolating myself to protect my mental health and prevent myself getting into a low. and even if this is what prevents me from getting into a low, it’s depressing itself that i have to isolate myself in order to protect myself because i naturally crave social interactions as well. i’m introverted but sometimes i spend so much time alone that i really appreciate moments with people i love and appreciate. especially ever since im in uni, i know there are people who are willing to get to know me but it’s just me keeping a distance and that makes me feel terrible.

sometimes i wish i could start over somewhere where people knew a less guarded version of me from the beginning. my current relationships are real, but i hold so much back. i almost have no contact with my school friends because of this even tho they always welcome me in. changing that now feels uncomfortable because everyone is already used to how i act. i even hesitate to meet new people because i don’t want more people getting used to that version of me. being alone is comforting because i don’t have to monitor myself, but i’m also really happy when people want to spend time with me.

during depressive lows, this gets much worse. i have suicidal thoughts. aside from the usual thoughts, i often think, why was i born this way when all i do is struggle because of this?? if i do, will afterlife really be better? what if i get punished and it’s not a relief after all? i wish i could sacrifice my life to save someone else’s life who would appreciate life and live as they wish for. also during these thoughts, i never open up about them because when im having these thoughts, i don’t want help. my biggest fear is attempting and surviving and living with the consequences. i start thinking, “why am i studying, dancing or taking care of myself if i’m not going to be around anyway?” i can still force myself to do things, and i haven’t stopped loving dancing, but i lose motivation because i can’t imagine a future. people i love and the life i still hope for are part of what holds me back but mostly the fears that i mentioned.
one instance was when my sister noticed something gay on my phone and she didn’t comment but i know she saw it, and that whole night i stayed awake and also tried to scratch my wrist open to numb the pain and maybe bleed out but i knew i couldn’t because she stayed over at my place and i had to suppress those feelings and thoughts.

i’m scared of another low, especially during exams. part of me knows it’ll pass, but then i’ll have to deal with everything i neglected. sometimes i’m already worrying about that while it’s happening, but still can’t make myself care enough to act. being busy distracts me, but once the stress is over, the thoughts come back.

right now i’m not in a low, but that mostly means i’m relieved i don’t feel that bad. i’m still unhappy with how things are. sometimes even feeling really happy makes me uncomfortable because i get less guarded and worry i’ll do something i’ll overthink later. or i start reminding myself of everything that’s still wrong.

and i recently realised that i’m jealous of couples and my siblings being able to experience relationships so naturally. or generally be able to express themselves freely and live life freely especially in the romance /sex aspect of life because it’s the norm. i feel like i’m wasting my youth avoiding things i want. then i feel guilty because i’m financially secure and have so many opportunities, so i question whether i’m spoiled or just too sensitive.

i generally can’t open up about ALL of this at all and therefore i often talk to chatgpt during lows, but feel like i keep repeating myself without getting anywhere. i really can’t imagine this aspect of my life getting better because i cant imagine anything changing. i feel like ill always struggle with this and i dont know how to fix this and live a life im really happy with.

i do want to get better. i can imagine working, dancing and having friends i feel completely comfortable around. i just don’t know how to get there when understanding my thoughts hasn’t made them easier to handle. nobody knows i feel this way and am struggling, and another reason i also isolate myself is because it’s mentally draining for me to suppress these thoughts when i have to act like im completely fine.

i tried my best describing my situation but i know there are many details missing that i can’t think of right now bcs these are already a lot of thoughts i had to squeeze out of myself, since it’s not easy for me to explain many aspects of my mental health since im still figuring it out and can’t explain everything.

does anyone have advice for me?

Okay so, I'm a 20 year old woman, and I knew I was gay when i was around 14 years old, I have dated women, however I have never dated a man.
I flirted with men before, but we never ended up dating somehow, they always told me that I'm either not that romantic or that I could sometimes act like 'a man' (which I always found weird because I'm mostly very feminine), and so on.
And I am just very confused on whether I like men or not. You see, there are certain men that I find really pretty, but most of my encounters with men (whom i flirted with) were kind of... boring lets say. And I thought to myself maybe it was just the men that I met? Would I date a man if maybe something was different? I don't know!!!
I will add though, there were certain times where I felt attracted to more... feminine men let's say. And I think this could be why I'm a little confused? Because the men in my country especially tend to be stereotypically more masculine let's say, and i'm not someone who's attracted to a lot of masculinity, if that makes sense.
So if a lesbian woman is reading this, could you share your thoughts on this? Would love to hear bisexual women's thoughts too. And of course I do not have to put myself into a box, but im naturally curious about my sexuality lets say!

And it’s driving me nuts! 31M here, Always acted, presented and thought straight. My life did not allow for any kind of difference like being bi. About 7 years ago I began questioning myself, certain things caught my interest that weren’t “normal” across my family and peer group ( I mean as far as I knew, maybe others were hiding it too..) I was married, so this bi curious side got shoved so far down because I knew it would not be well received and it would have been the end of all I knew. Now divorced, and the thoughts never went away, I’m wondering if maybe I am in fact bisexual? I don’t truly know because I guess I never allowed myself to wonder if that’s the case. I forced through it and chalked it up to it being a phase. I dunno. What do yall think?

Am I restricting my girlfriend?

I am a lesbian with a bisexual partner. I wholeheartedly support lesbian for lesbian,but I personally go for anybody who experiences attraction towards women regardless of the label(lesbian,bisexual,pansexual,omnisexual,ect). I’m open to all experiences.

My girlfriend and I have always spoken openly about our experiences with our romantic and sexual orrientation.
I often send her videos of women who I find pretty,and *on occasion* men—I can recognize aesthetic beauty without feeling anything. She does the very same and I have fun discussing what we find enticing in the attractive people in question.
However,the videos she sends have pivoted towards exclusively men. I had no problem with that,she experiences attraction towards men and women and is entitled to express that as she pleases. But,it is just getting exhausting and repetitive. It has been weeks on end. While I hate to be selfish,I feel a tad insecure and can’t help but believe that her attraction towards men may hinder our relationship.
I discussed this with her recently and it was quite the event. It was my fault,since the opening statement was a suspiciously cautious "Are you straight?". I tend to be blunt and rush straight to the point,but I find that this was out of hand. She began telling me that she thought I accepted her as she was and that I didn’t have to lie about it. I never lied about that,I just noticed quite the drastic change and pointed it out. She brought back conversations from the past where I had innocently asked her how strong her preference towards men was(since she is male pref). I had never minded it,it was a question to understand her experience. A question that I had not known would later become an accusation of biphobia. She told me that she might as well call me bisexual because of the very few times that I complimented men. Now,this especially got to me since this was used against me very frequently all of the time and still is today. She knows this,but I will give her the benefit of the doubt that she had forgotten in the heat of the moment. I told her that if she wanted to express her preference towards men,she very well could,but the countless videos of shirtless men devoid of any woman in sight simply made me uncomfortable in excess. She told me that I was restricting her. Which is true,but I feel like I have somewhat of a valid reason to do so.

I am not telling her to not find men attractive or not view those videos,she can do as she pleases. But,it is simply not my thing in excess. I also worry I have unintentionally reinforced a fear or insecurity in her bisexuality,like the assumption that bisexual women are simply straight or not queer enough,which I do not believe it. Of course,it all relies on how it landed on her. I’ve reopened the conversation since then and clarified my intent behind the question,as well as appologized for my blunt opening statement. She says that it was hurtful,but is largely fine at the moment and advises we communicate better. I feel like she is lying,though I’m probably projecting my own unforgiving and sensitive nature. I feel like I have broken something that can never be repaired. I know how sensitive the topic is for both of us and triggering that makes me uncomfortable.

I’ve made out with friends at parties and clubs loads but recently I’ve caught myself taking it further. I’m initiating it, I’ve been a bit handsy and it’s to the point I was speaking to a guy who said he saw me the week before but presumed I was a lesbian because I was “running through” friend group. I can’t lie I can’t even deny, I was dancing on and kissing my girls. I also do recognise I’ve had my fanny flutters during but I never think about women that was till I have alcohol in my system.

I'm just curious!!! Does anyone else identify as pansexual and bisexual?

I heard my coworker talking about Chrishell Straus being Bisexual and she said "pick a lane sweetheart, it's not that hard" like people think when you're bisexual you're just indecisive or something. It kinda pissed me off. I don't want to pick a lane, I don't have to pick a lane, I like both lanes 🛣️

Hola! Quería contarles algo porque hace un tiempo vengo teniendo dudas sobre mi sexualidad y me gustaría leer experiencias de otras personas.
Siempre me gustaron los hombres, pero también hay mujeres que me parecen demasiado lindas hasta el punto que me hicieron dudar jeje, el tema es que nunca estuve con una mujer, aunque sí me di besos con amigas, y no sé bien cómo identificar mi orientación sexual.
Me gustaría estar con una mujer para descubrir qué siento, pero al mismo tiempo me cuesta imaginarme en una relación con una. No sé si soy bisexual o si todavía estoy descubriendo lo que me gusta.

hello. 23 F here! sorry if my wording is horrible. i'm very much in distress over this (and english isn't my first language)

i've had this thought for a while. i think it's always sitting in the back of my mind, and every so often it comes out. i want to explore my attraction to women. i've only ever had one girlfriend, when i was a teen. that relationship only lasted a few months (less than half a year). other than that, i've only had boyfriends. now i've been with my boyfriend for 4 years.

i'm fairly sure i'm bi. that label feels right for me, and i've identified as bi since i discovered what being queer was. but i feel unhappy with my queerness. i feel like something is missing?? i feel like i haven't experienced being with a woman enough to be comfortable with my identity (i hope that makes sense). this has gotten so bad that i question if i'm actually bi or if i'm a lesbian. this questioning and "unfulfilled-ness" has been going on for years (before i even met my boyfriend). i've had this thought before with my ex-boyfriends, but i thought it was because i was unhappy with them (due to them being toxic, etc.).

i'm genuinely just so confused??? what do i do? i don't want to break up with my boyfriend. but i feel like if i don't explore more, this will bother me for the rest of my life. and no, cheating is NOT an option. i've had some conversations with my boyfriend about having an open relationship, but he's always been against it. i really am lost right now. i've read every reddit post with a similar experience and i still don't know what to do.

again, sorry if this doesn't make sense lol. its almost 5am where i am, so this is very much keeping me up.

any thoughts or advice would be appreciated greatly!

After much debate and process, I think I’m going to stop stressing about putting a label on my sexuality.

I’m starting to realize there is a chance I could be a comphet lesbian, but I could also very much be a bisexual with a preference for women. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I think trying to unpack all of that would be a mess and very time consuming, so I think I’m just going to go with the flow and go where my heart leads.

I don’t know if any other bisexuals have been struggling with labels but if you also are having similar issues to me pls comment down below as it’d be nice to know I’m not the only one who is still figuring things out at 25 years old lol.

i’m 22F and recently came out as bisexual, because i'm dating a girl for the first time, she is 26F. i am so happy and crazy in love.

my dad was pretty chill and mostly just wanted to make sure i was okay. my mom has taken it really badly, which honestly caught me off guard. we’re not religious, and neither of my parents had ever shown any issue with queer people. we have several LGBTQ+ family members and friends, including my mother's goddaughter (my cousin, whom she loves and accepts so deeply), so i never expected things to be this different when it was me.

she’s told me she put all her happiness in me and now her life is over. she keeps asking where her little girl went and saying she doesn’t recognize me anymore. she says she accepts and respects me, but then tells me how sad she is and how the future she imagined for me is gone, no marriage, no nice boy, no grandkids (although i did say these things can in fact come along).

i’m still here. i’m still her daughter, regardless. i don’t know how to respond when she talks like she’s lost me, because from my side it feels like i’m losing my relationship with her just for being honest.

we are extremely close, and i’m really sad. i love her and want her in my life. i know i can’t give her a timeline or make her accept this, but right now i could really use some hope that it won’t always feel like this. it's been one week and one day.

she doesn’t want to talk to me, and when she does, she either yells at me in person or sends me messages in all caps. i don’t know how to reach her when every attempt to talk seems to make things worse.

my girlfriend has been incredibly supportive, and so have my friends and my dad. he and i don’t really talk much, but i know i can count on him. i’m grateful for all of them, but i still miss my mom. i miss how we were before i told her. now, when she looks at me, all i can see is anger and what feels like hatred.

if your parents reacted similarly and eventually came around, how long did it take? what did “coming around” actually look like? was there anything that helped, or did they mostly need time? and how did you get through that period without feeling guilty for their unhappiness? are there any books i could read or any resources i could share with her?

I've known this dude since I think middle school or high school. On the day I practiced my graduation (about 5 months ago), he asked me out, and I said yes.

I wanted to tell him about my sexuality, but months later, he told my twin that he didn't understand what it meant. You see, him and I are both autistic. While I have a greater understanding of my own sexuality, he doesn't seem to know ANYTHING. I'm not sure if he does, but I'm assuming without assuming.

And I (18F, born July 2008) have the hots for my neighbor (18F, born late November 2007), who is a lesbian and I've known her since childhood, and if I ask HER out, she might reject me.

So I'm stuck longing for a girl that may or may not want to be single at the moment since she broke up with one of my other friends a couple years ago and I'm not sure her current situation.

Now I'm just lonely after being cooped up in my house with an aide and my parents for 5 months. I don't know if I should tell him that me and this guy are better off as friends and go ask my neighbor out or just find someone new...

Hola! Soy nueva en reddit pero tengo una pregunta que he querido a hacerle a muchas personas pero soy muy timida para preguntar en persona..

Esta pregunta va dirigida a cualquier persona que guste responder:

Como persona que alguna vez estuvo casada con alguien del género opuesto (hetero), y luego de estar casad@ descubrió que le gustaba gente de su mismo género.

¿Creen que eso era algo que siempre estuvo en ustedes, talvez reprimido, o creen que nació de un momento a otro?

Espero nada de lo que dije fuera ofensivo... si es así porfa véanse en la libertad de corregirme.

Hey , I'm 23 m , and I think I'm bisexual, i come from a country that is soooo homophobic, and I didn't get the chance to searche or discover my true sexual Identity, and I feel kinda lost . lately I've been noticing my self that I might be bisexual , having fantasies about len and women , getting some dreams even , I thing il bisexual yet I don't know how to truly know , I don't know how to describe it really , but can anyone might help me , my dm is open to anypne that can help me.

Any advice for a woman in a "straight" relationship going to an LGBT party? Organizers say they are straight friendly, but their event is titled in a way that mentions only gays, lesbians, trans people... And I guess the straights 😂 Bi people subtly left out once again. I know no one there is the orientation police, but some people there know me as a married woman. No one ever says anything, it's just the way I feel inside I guess. Seeking support...

This is a throw away account cuz my family follows me on my main account.

I (22m) often fantasize about men and imagine myself romantically with a man. When I watch porn, I’m more focused on the man than the woman, and thinking about pleasing him. I’m attracted to men, all my celebrity crushes are on men, but when I imagine myself in a gay relationship, I’m disgusted by the very thought. I don’t wanna be in a gay relationship, I just wanna be in a normal relationship where we’re both men. I get grossed out whenever I see two men kissing, I can’t watch gay porn for the same reason, and when I hear a man mention his boyfriend, I feel jealous but also cringe at the same time. I get so jealous when I hear women talk about their celebrity crushes, I wanna chime in and agree with them or mention mine, but then they are gonna be perceiving me as gay and I don’t like that. I would strictly be a bottom and side cuz for some reason it feels more normal for me. If I top a man, it makes me feel really guilty and self conscious and disgusted. I like women too, but I feel more like that’s what I’m supposed to want, knowing my parents want me to have a wife and kids and do the whole American dream thing, but that feels so limiting to me. If I were a woman, I’d be the straightest woman you’ve ever met, and I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about my attractions.
Thanks if you read my rant, any advice is appreciated.