I heard my coworker talking about Chrishell Straus being Bisexual and she said "pick a lane sweetheart, it's not that hard" like people think when you're bisexual you're just indecisive or something. It kinda pissed me off. I don't want to pick a lane, I don't have to pick a lane, I like both lanes 🛣️

Good morning all, having a hard time at work and not sure how to best deal with it.

Background: I work in a male dominated company with colleagues old and young, many of whom I would describe as bigoted and ignorant to lgbt+ as a whole. Small family business with around 20 staff, only three of which are female and office based only.

I work with my best friend, he and only one other know that I am bi. Last year the other colleague started dating a bisexual woman, which he saw as a big plus with the usual fantasies men have about threesomes etc.

For some reason, this gave the other guy reason to out me to everyone else in the company.
I came in one morning to a tirade of queer jokes. Not knowing how to handle this I brushed them off without retaliating. The jibes and gossip went on for months, I isolated myself from most of them and carried on working as normal.

A year on, the person who outed me still acts as if we’re friends, i keep my distance. I think he is totally oblivious to how outing me has made me feel and affected my work life. I no longer enjoy my job, which is a shame because I’m good at it and the company treat me well.
Today I have to work with him and I feel as if I can’t.

My question is, do I have it out with him? I know he will not be sorry for it, and most likely spread the conversation to the others for a laugh at my expense. The boss and his family are old fashioned and have not previously dealt with any LGBT+ issues in the past, so I don’t know how that would go.

Has anyone else been outed in this way? How did you go forward from it?

Sorry for the long read, and thank you all in advance.

So I’m a 22F and I lived in Brooklyn, NYC since 2022. I‘ve attended a lot of LGBTQ+ parties and raves in the city, as well as became an active participant in community aid and organizing for the queer community in NYC. I also noticed that while there are bars/parties/events for gay men and lesbians, there’s not a lot solely for bisexual people. Yes, there are inclusive ones for all sexualities but not literally for bisexual people.

So I want to make one in 2027. I want to host some kind of block party, rave, or hangout for bisexual people in NYC (or for anyone that’s willing to fly to NYC for a weekend). While my issue isn’t on the people I should hire or the finances I need since it’ll be more stable in the future for this event to occur, there’s one issue I’m dealing with:

I feel like I would be an asshole if I said that I don’t want any unicorn hunting or people looking for thirds or swingers there. They aren’t allowed to come to the party. I want this event to be purely on having fun and seeking out new friendships within the bisexual/pansexual/multisexual community, no romantic implications whatsoever. Also I don’t want the party to be a breeding ground for non-bisexual people to be like:

“bE cArEfUl, yOuR mAn oR yOur lAdY mIghT bE aT tHis pArTy wHen yOu’Re nOt lOOKINGGGG and CHEATTTT!!! DUH-DURRRRR!!!!!! GET IT BECAUSE BI PEOPLE ARE HORNY CHEATERS!!!!!!!”

Also I’d feel like a extra asshole if I said that I didn’t want any gay men or lesbians attending the event, unless if said gay man or lesbian is your spouse/partner that you want to bring with you (like a BYOB thing). Other than that, I want a bisexual/pansexual/multisexual platonic function of some kind of happen. The age to come in would be either 18+ or 21+, I can’t decide yet.

Would I be considered a jerk if I have those two requirements? Or would that be okay?

I recently accepted that I’m bi after a long time of questioning myself, and figured the first step I should take was talking to people I know. My friend (20M) and I (19M) were hanging out the other night and spent a lot of time talking about life stuff. Eventually the conversation landed on dating and I, having recently been thinking about that sort of thing, decided to open up about being bisexual.

It was pretty funny at first, being about as straight as a guy can get, he didn’t understand or expect that from me at all. It took him a while to get that I’d be at all interested in being intimate with another guy, which was enlightening for me since for the longest time I figured everyone was at least a LITTLE curious about that (but I guess that’s a whole other story). We talked for a while about it and he found it funny but ultimately was happy for me.

It felt weird coming out like that, but at the same time pretty freeing. It’s almost like talking about it with someone else made it “real” if that makes any sense. I still don’t think I’m comfortable telling my parents until I move out next year (they’re very religious and obviously not the biggest allies…), but I’m happy I talked to someone.

After much debate and process, I think I’m going to stop stressing about putting a label on my sexuality.

I’m starting to realize there is a chance I could be a comphet lesbian, but I could also very much be a bisexual with a preference for women. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and I think trying to unpack all of that would be a mess and very time consuming, so I think I’m just going to go with the flow and go where my heart leads.

I don’t know if any other bisexuals have been struggling with labels but if you also are having similar issues to me pls comment down below as it’d be nice to know I’m not the only one who is still figuring things out at 25 years old lol.

So, I’m a queer woman. I’m really struggling to navigate my sexuality bc I’m technically bisexual, but exclusively homoromantic. I would consider a man for a one night stand, but I would never, ever become emotionally involved with one. I personally find the thought of being emotionally involved with a man to be revolting. I only love other women romantically. I cannot stress this enough.

I feel caught in a weird place because I primarily relate to lesbianism due to my personal romantic experiences as a visibly queer woman in exclusively queer relationships, but I’m not technically a lesbian because of my sexual attraction to men. I also don’t relate to most bisexual women, because I hold a lot of judgment towards their romantic interest in men.

Obviously I have a lot of internal work to do on this. I want to find community, and also to not be such a judgmental asshole, but I feel so isolated because I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere.

I'm mostly posting this curious if anyone else has had a similar experience.

I (M) have had the wonderful privilege of marrying my best friend (F) over 10+ years ago. We both grew up in a fundamentalist Christian religion (cult?) that we have both left.

About a year and a half ago, my wife came out to me as bi. I didn't think much of it. She assured me that our monogamous marriage was working for her, but she wanted to come out to me first, because we are best friends and confidants.

Well, personally, I've always thought I've had odd... Questions and feelings from time to time. With a kind of distant, odd thought that "well, maybe I'm bi." Kind of a distant idea. Growing up in a repressive environment, it can be hard later in life to figure things out; the childhood experience really doesn't allow for natural self discovery and development. I have known since I was a boy I liked women, so I just felt like maybe it never occurred to me to check?

Recently I had an evening all to myself and blessing better to do on a Monday, I thought I might "get to the bottom" of my sexuality. I felt a bit like a 7th grader again, googling "cute boys kissing."

Well, after having the space to do so, I have come to the conclusion that, yes, I am a bisexual man. And honestly, of all the things I've had to accept about myself, this really didn't feel bad at all.

What I did not expect, was that all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, I would start noticing men. Like, arms at the gym, or how some men's eyes light up when interacting with other people or the things they are interested in... Before this, it's as if I had a mental blindspot about looking too closely at men. Almost as if I have been subconsciously avoiding it, and then as I was able to accept myself the blindspot suddenly is gone?

It's been a very surreal. Not something I had on my bingo card. Though in retrospect it does seem kind of obvious. I'm grateful to have a spouse that is in the exact same boat, and she reported similar experiences after coming out as well.

Anyway, I'm curious if anyone else has had a similar experience, especially those who have come out in midlife or later. I'm really glad I'm at a point in my life where something like this is a fun development, and not a scary one. I suspect religious trauma likely plays a role, I'm sure when I was younger it's not that it didn't occur to me to check, I was likely just way too scared.

So this is the bare minimum for me but no one for 5 years of going on dates has fulfilled it, men AND women:

1. Has to be attractive TO ME. Not gorgeous. But attractive. I have to atleast think that they are cute.

2. No interviews. They have to ask me questions back ( a lot of people both men and women gets cut off in this stage)

3. Can communicate. I can't stand people who suddenly turn cold and ice me out. They have to tell me that they need space and will talk to me later.

4. Respects boundaries. People who try to convince my nos to yeses (both men and women do this btw) I cut off right away.

5. Arent cheap. I'm not saying they have to pay for me. We can take turns paying. But asking money over a 3$ bill? Bye..

I've went on dates with mostly women over the 5 years single (still curently am) with the percentage of 80:20 between men and women.

But none of them could even pass my bareminimum standard..

For women I use HER (dating app), for men they are the one who approach me irl.

Tell me.. should I lower my standards?

Should I try to fix someone?

Cuz why do all my queer friends and non queer friends are coupled up?

They all managed to "fix" the parts that they don't like about their partners...

Is my standards the reason I'm bimyself?

Note: I usually go on 5 first dates a year, talk to 3 people for months then end stuff once they break my non negotiables listed above. Like if they started being pushy, or ask me to pay them back for 2$ coffee they OFFERED me or suddenly ghost me for 2 days and chat me like nothing happened..

I'm a 28-year-old man, and I've been struggling with some personal things that I don't really know how to talk about with people in my everyday life.

I'm an Ethiopian Orthodox Christian, and my relationship with God is important to me. I want to live a life that reflects my faith, and I've tried to practise celibacy. Sometimes I manage my sexual urges, but other times I masturbate even when I've decided not to. I feel relief afterward, followed by guilt and disappointment.

I'm also still attracted to men, and those feelings haven't disappeared. Part of me wishes they would, because I sometimes struggle to understand how my sexuality fits with my faith and the future I've always imagined.

I've dreamed of having a loving wife, children, a peaceful home, and a life centred on God. I'm afraid that my attractions and struggles with sexual urges will prevent me from having that future. I'm also worried about falling behind in life while trying to figure everything out.

I'm not posting because I expect strangers to solve my life or tell me what label I should use. I just want to hear from people who have experienced similar conflicts.

How have you learned to understand yourself while navigating faith, sexuality, sexual desire, and your hopes for the future? Have you found ways to move forward without living in constant guilt or fear?

I'd appreciate honest, compassionate responses. Thank you for reading.

So my only friend is Christian, im not judging him for it I'm pretty neutral abt religion, and even though he thankfully respects me and my sexually (atleast I hope) he does tend to always try to "recommend" me converting to being Christian

Now I don't want to flat out tell him to stop, I believe that's kinda his way of caring for me, and I'm afraid of if I did tell him to stop he'd stop being my friend (doesn't make sense but I've lost friends for less), and he's literally my only friend

So I just wanted to ask, how do yall deal with friends, or other people, that try converting you to their religion?

I won't really answer comments, I rarely do, but I might I don't know I gotta go.

Edit: just in case, he isn't pressuring me to convert, it's like mentioning small things like "ask me anything about god" or "im here if you need to seek god" or other things I can't describe well, best I can describe it is "slight recommendations"

tw: suicidal thoughts

i’m (m19) a uni student in germany and wanted to put this into words because people here seem understanding, and i find it hard to talk about this with anyone i know.

i’m attracted to men and also can feel attraction to women, but i can only comfortably imagine a future with a woman. at the same time, i feel like actually falling in love might only happen with a man. i’ve never really had a relationship, and this makes me worry i’ll never experience romance and also the aspect of openly comfortably talking about romance in life. i feel like i can only properly feel romantic feelings towards men. i know there’s nothing wrong with being gay or bi, but i still wish this part of my life was different. imagining myself openly dating a man makes me uncomfortable, and i struggle with being associated with gay stereotypes.

the confusing part is that i don’t think most people around me would reject me. people who’d reject me or actually see me differently and be appalled is my family. it’s more that i hate the idea of them seeing me differently, even if they were accepting. knowing that they’d now think about me differently would make me feel exposed. and now i feel like im running out of time and have to fix this issue of mine asap because the more time goes by the more people get used to this mask i wear and will see me differently when i decide to out myself if i ever do. and that sounds easier said than done, but to me it’s more, they get used to this version of me that isn’t completely me and then they will definitely see me differently once i out myself and try to express myself better.

because of this, i monitor myself a lot. if someone asks why i don’t have a girlfriend or makes a “that’s so gay” comment, i stop reacting naturally and start thinking about how a straight guy would react. then i overthink my answer, their reaction, whether they noticed something, etc. this used to happen mainly around one friend, but now that im in uni i’m scared of it happening with almost anyone. i usually understand what triggered it, but that doesn’t help me stop. and this overthinking that comes along with the self monitoring is so intense, it gets me into a depressive phase. but overthinking doesn’t just happen in these types of situations but in general i overthink so so much. i replay moments in my head and monitor myself and regret. even in situations not regarding my sexuality.

i distance myself from people i actually like because getting closer means more personal conversations. even uni group projects make me anxious because spending more time together could lead to those topics. a friend regularly invites me to things, but i hesitate and barely initiate anything myself. i really enjoy being with her, especially alone, but worry about her bringing others or noticing and commenting on something. i feel like a bad friend, even though i really do want closeness. ever since im in uni, i’m not experiencing any feeling of being excluded because the people i’m surrounded by are so welcoming. but it’s just me isolating myself to protect my mental health and prevent myself getting into a low. and even if this is what prevents me from getting into a low, it’s depressing itself that i have to isolate myself in order to protect myself because i naturally crave social interactions as well. i’m introverted but sometimes i spend so much time alone that i really appreciate moments with people i love and appreciate. especially ever since im in uni, i know there are people who are willing to get to know me but it’s just me keeping a distance and that makes me feel terrible.

sometimes i wish i could start over somewhere where people knew a less guarded version of me from the beginning. my current relationships are real, but i hold so much back. i almost have no contact with my school friends because of this even tho they always welcome me in. changing that now feels uncomfortable because everyone is already used to how i act. i even hesitate to meet new people because i don’t want more people getting used to that version of me. being alone is comforting because i don’t have to monitor myself, but i’m also really happy when people want to spend time with me.

during depressive lows, this gets much worse. i have suicidal thoughts. aside from the usual thoughts, i often think, why was i born this way when all i do is struggle because of this?? if i do, will afterlife really be better? what if i get punished and it’s not a relief after all? i wish i could sacrifice my life to save someone else’s life who would appreciate life and live as they wish for. also during these thoughts, i never open up about them because when im having these thoughts, i don’t want help. my biggest fear is attempting and surviving and living with the consequences. i start thinking, “why am i studying, dancing or taking care of myself if i’m not going to be around anyway?” i can still force myself to do things, and i haven’t stopped loving dancing, but i lose motivation because i can’t imagine a future. people i love and the life i still hope for are part of what holds me back but mostly the fears that i mentioned.
one instance was when my sister noticed something gay on my phone and she didn’t comment but i know she saw it, and that whole night i stayed awake and also tried to scratch my wrist open to numb the pain and maybe bleed out but i knew i couldn’t because she stayed over at my place and i had to suppress those feelings and thoughts.

i’m scared of another low, especially during exams. part of me knows it’ll pass, but then i’ll have to deal with everything i neglected. sometimes i’m already worrying about that while it’s happening, but still can’t make myself care enough to act. being busy distracts me, but once the stress is over, the thoughts come back.

right now i’m not in a low, but that mostly means i’m relieved i don’t feel that bad. i’m still unhappy with how things are. sometimes even feeling really happy makes me uncomfortable because i get less guarded and worry i’ll do something i’ll overthink later. or i start reminding myself of everything that’s still wrong.

and i recently realised that i’m jealous of couples and my siblings being able to experience relationships so naturally. or generally be able to express themselves freely and live life freely especially in the romance /sex aspect of life because it’s the norm. i feel like i’m wasting my youth avoiding things i want. then i feel guilty because i’m financially secure and have so many opportunities, so i question whether i’m spoiled or just too sensitive.

i generally can’t open up about ALL of this at all and therefore i often talk to chatgpt during lows, but feel like i keep repeating myself without getting anywhere. i really can’t imagine this aspect of my life getting better because i cant imagine anything changing. i feel like ill always struggle with this and i dont know how to fix this and live a life im really happy with.

i do want to get better. i can imagine working, dancing and having friends i feel completely comfortable around. i just don’t know how to get there when understanding my thoughts hasn’t made them easier to handle. nobody knows i feel this way and am struggling, and another reason i also isolate myself is because it’s mentally draining for me to suppress these thoughts when i have to act like im completely fine.

i tried my best describing my situation but i know there are many details missing that i can’t think of right now bcs these are already a lot of thoughts i had to squeeze out of myself, since it’s not easy for me to explain many aspects of my mental health since im still figuring it out and can’t explain everything.

does anyone have advice for me?

Hello, I am reaching out to see if i can find help in identifying what I am or at least help me understand myself a bit better
I always thought I was Demi Bisexual but now I don't feel so sure. I don't have many friends or family who are part of the LGBT so I have no one to turn to for this. And the few friends I do have when i talk to them say I'm just picky or "don't really know what I want"

I know I am attracted to men and women, and honestly am a bit hypersexual. In terms of actual attraction I am into personality and the smallest thing that seems to be problematic is a turn off that makes my attraction go "nope not anymore see ya". I have tried like hook ups before and while the sex was nice its more just ".........yea that happened time to move on".

I know I am more into personality and its hard to connect romantically in my opinion cause I don't know if I'm just picky like they said or if I'm something else, any help or advice would be nice.

Thank you

Hi! I’m (F27) bisexual and in a relationship with my boyfriend. I sometimes struggle with making friends (my social awkwardness doesn’t help either lol) because when I really like someone as a person, I start wondering: do I just really like this person as a friend, or do I like them as more than friends?

It’s not that I actually want to do anything with that person or that I don’t respect my relationship. I just sometimes find it difficult to distinguish between having a strong platonic connection, finding someone attractive, and having actual romantic feelings.

Sometimes I feel guilty about enjoying someone’s company or having a close connection with them, because it somehow doesn’t feel respectful towards my relationship, even when nothing inappropriate is happening. As a result, I sometimes find myself keeping my distance from people because I’m afraid my feelings might mean something more than friendship.

I hope this makes sense. I have these thoughts a lot.

I’m wondering if other bi people experience this too, and if it’s something you can relate to? And if so, how do you cope with it?

I am trying tinder and it isn’t suggesting a good variety of people to say the least. I keep running out of suggestions quickly too. I think i have only liked one person so far 😂😂

I am 34F in a heterosexual marriage with young kids. I made a new girl best friend about a year ago and we clicked instantly. We hangout at least weekly. I have always found her attractive and have joked about wanting her. Especially when we had a few drinks, I always wanted to kiss her. Her husband has been super supportive of us exploring but she was always not committal to being bisexual.

Fast forward to last weekend- she goes out of town, reads a book with a lesbian romance and texts me that she misses me and wants to fuck me. 😱 sort of out of the blue. After getting permission from our husbands, we got drinks when she got home and then hooked up.

Problem: I have been so turned on by the whole thing. I get horny thinking about it and about doing it again. However, I feel like there was just a piece missing or like it wasn’t exactly what I am looking for. I’m not sure I’m looking for anything even. I want to do it again.

I worry that she is falling for me. She has been packing into the romantic part of her and always has had a tendency to be all in on people. I love her as a best friend, I just don’t know if I have romantic feelings for her or if I’m capable of that. I do want to fuck her again. Someone help me sort out my brain

I'm just curious!!! Does anyone else identify as pansexual and bisexual?

And it’s driving me nuts! 31M here, Always acted, presented and thought straight. My life did not allow for any kind of difference like being bi. About 7 years ago I began questioning myself, certain things caught my interest that weren’t “normal” across my family and peer group ( I mean as far as I knew, maybe others were hiding it too..) I was married, so this bi curious side got shoved so far down because I knew it would not be well received and it would have been the end of all I knew. Now divorced, and the thoughts never went away, I’m wondering if maybe I am in fact bisexual? I don’t truly know because I guess I never allowed myself to wonder if that’s the case. I forced through it and chalked it up to it being a phase. I dunno. What do yall think?

I (female, 21) don’t have much dating experience, and what little I’ve had was only with men. But it never got physical, and I haven’t even had my first kiss yet. To be honest, I don’t even know if I’ve ever really been in love with anyone. Until recently, I was convinced that I was asexual and just hadn’t met the right person yet. But for the past few months, I’ve been having serious doubts about that, and I’m not really sure what to do next.

I know that I don’t need a label, but somehow I feel better if there was more certainty and a group I belong to. But right now, I don’t know anything, and all I ever hear is the same phrase: “The right person will come along eventually.” This uncertainty has always been there for me, and I don’t know what to do or who I am in this regard… Back when I was a teenager and my friends were talking about boys and more intimate topics, I tended to avoid it and sometimes felt uncomfortable. I think I just always assumed I was “by default" straight (if that makes any sense) and since I don’t want a physical relationship with a man, I must be asexual. I’ve always viewed men as my only option—even when it came to celebrity crushes, it was no different...

But since I’ve been seeing more content on this topic (“The Guy She Was Interested In Wasn’t a Guy at All,” “The Lovers,” “Sheera,” …), I can actually imagine being in a relationship with a woman (including an intimate one Ig). For some reason, I just can't do that with a guy. I still think men are attractive, and I could imagine being in a relationship with one, but maybe not an intimate one... But somehow, I'm still afraid I might be wrong all over again.

Thanks for reading this. Have a great day (:

As a bisexual trans girl (maybe, not sure yet)

Is it ok to prefer heterosexual relationships?

Been wondering that for a bit

My feed has been tons of posts from married men asking how they can still sleep with men in their monogamous relationships. Am I going crazy?

Hey all, if this matters I’m a bi woman whos in love with a good friend, also a woman. Please don’t come after me idk if I’m posting in the right sub but yea

The past 2 years I’ve been in love with my friend I think😭😭 and it’s hard to tell if she feels the same because she’s naturally touchy and loves giving words of affirmations, so she’s always very lovey with me language and action wise which obviously confuses me. By touchy I mean she would “hold my waist while we’re walking around and touch my inner thighs while we’re under the cover” touchy btw Obvsly friends don’t do this, or any straight female wouldn’t enjoy this or do it right????? Or do they???? Also a few friends have commented on how “gay” we act together, idk if that’s a sign or anyth. A friend even came up to me to ask if we’re dating because we’re just that close

Now she’s overseas for a long period of time so the below happened via text:
And it got ramped up even more recently, we would send reels to eo that’s wlw coded like sending vids of girls kissing, or wlw jokes like scissoring or whatever. And she always calls me pet names (only me) and texts me stuff like ily and baby and whenever I tell her that she’s just playing with me, or whatever she wld always answer ambiguously that she has never said that, basically she doesn’t deny it directly. I do know she tells other friends she loves them so, maybe I’m just thinking too much 🤡

I got tired so the past few days I’ve been building up to asking her directly if she likes me more than a friend. Initially when I was being indirect by asking stuff like if she’s kidding she wld say noooo but I asked more directly after awhile if she likes me more than a friend, and she said no.

I’m srsly hurt and can’t take these games anym, i don’t wanna be pining for someone who might not even like me, and I guess I should also distance myself from her???? But idk how to do that because we’ve literally been besties for 2 years now. Btw I’m not out and 24, so I do feel like time is ticking for me. I do wanna find my person soon and I just feel like her confirming yesterday that she doesn’t like me romantically is a sign I should take. I know she probably might not mean to play me, maybe she just thought our dynamic was close friends dynamics, and perhaps it’s my fault too because sometimes I do mask myself as liking men exclusively only, but that’s also because I’m not out of the closet and ts defo not safe for me to do so (even though ik my friends would be supportive).

Idrk what to expect from this post, I’m just venting. But yea oh wells.

This is a throw away account cuz my family follows me on my main account.

I (22m) often fantasize about men and imagine myself romantically with a man. When I watch porn, I’m more focused on the man than the woman, and thinking about pleasing him. I’m attracted to men, all my celebrity crushes are on men, but when I imagine myself in a gay relationship, I’m disgusted by the very thought. I don’t wanna be in a gay relationship, I just wanna be in a normal relationship where we’re both men. I get grossed out whenever I see two men kissing, I can’t watch gay porn for the same reason, and when I hear a man mention his boyfriend, I feel jealous but also cringe at the same time. I get so jealous when I hear women talk about their celebrity crushes, I wanna chime in and agree with them or mention mine, but then they are gonna be perceiving me as gay and I don’t like that. I would strictly be a bottom and side cuz for some reason it feels more normal for me. If I top a man, it makes me feel really guilty and self conscious and disgusted. I like women too, but I feel more like that’s what I’m supposed to want, knowing my parents want me to have a wife and kids and do the whole American dream thing, but that feels so limiting to me. If I were a woman, I’d be the straightest woman you’ve ever met, and I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about my attractions.
Thanks if you read my rant, any advice is appreciated.

Just need some love fam. Recently befriended a guy and we had this incredible and completely unexpected chemistry. We are both very aware of it and have talked about it openly. I had mentioned I was bisexual when we were becoming friends. He told me the other night that he couldn’t see himself dating me because he was jealous of the fact he would have to compete with women as well as men. I was so disappointed in him. I am the most freaking dedicated partner to whoever I’m with. I feel like he forgot I am a person, and only sees my sexuality, and sees it as something threatening rather than something beautiful. I wish it had given me the ick. Sigh. Biphobia is so freaking weird. Sending love to all y’all, for whoever has experienced anything similar.