You don't?

Uh... too bad!

Hi! Hello! Biro-aego game dev here, hopping in to showcase my two games that got accepted into Steam's Games That Ace It Festival - Veins Like Tapeworms and A Case of Missing Identity! I'm super proud of them both; the protagonist of VLT is flawed, messy, and kind of really sucks as a person, but players have been universally adoring them as ace rep whose asexuality is the tiniest sliver of who they are. ACoMI's protagonist is coded as ace in the demo, but I can assure you she'll be fully confirmed as such in the entire game + multiple other characters end up falling into the ace spectrum in just the demo along.

I'm really excited to showcase my games to you all, especially with how dogshit ace rep is in mainstream media; anything I can do to give us all something better is smth I'm proud to show off.

I'm (M18 He/Him) allosexual and would describe myself as having a high libido, while my boyfriend (NB19 He/They/It) is sex repulsed and not interested in it. And that's totally fine! I love him far too much to break up with them *just* because I like sex, he's an incredible person and I am actually planning to marry him soon! :D My problem is that I occasionally think of him when I masturbate. This isn't often, as I'm more sexually attracted to fictional characters I like, but it's often enough that I feel guilty about it. I don't *actually* want to have sex with him, because if I did then that would mean they would be doing something they didn't want to, but I still think about him and I feel so bad about it. I haven't told him this because I know it would make themuncomfortable, and I keep anything sex-related far far away from him. I just wanted to come on here and ask other asexuals how they feel about this and ask if I should stop entirely, which I'm 100% willing to do. I want to improve myself and be the best boyfriend I can be.

Some of the flag colors might be a bit off, my color pencils really don't like me lol

My top cakes are, in no particular order:

double chocolate, tiramisu, mille crepe cakes, anything with berries.
but in general i prefer cupcakes, easier to eat lol.

I live in Twin Cities. It's pretty accepting of people here. I don't think I've ever noticed asexual colors being worn in some way though. I don't even see any of the rings. I'd like to meet some others, but I don't know if I'm just oblivious to others or we're just rare. Do you hide it, which would make it even harder to see each other? What's been your experience?

(I don't know if it matters, but I'm a sex-repulsed Aego. I'm guessing there are even fewer of us running around.)

Sex is overrated, and it’s got way too many folks in a chokehold. I don’t understand the obsession with it. I’d rather eat sushi and watch Z Nation than fuck. I’m serious, too. People act like sex is some life-changing experience that everybody should be constantly chasing, and I just don’t see it. Give a good show, and a comfortable bed any day.

I was wondering about that. I'm not really sure where demiromantic fits in.

Just found this and thought it might fit in here.

Asking this for some recent events that made realice a lot my friends don't know I'm ace , they be assuming me and my bf have lots of sex and joking about our sexual life that in reality is barely existent . I don't think everyone should know about it since I feel like it's something more personal between me and him our sexual relationship and for extend my identity.

Also I don't want to think lesser of my bf or our relationship with the other types comments I received from people who do know so I no longer ever mention it around others and I just let them think what ever

I'm just curious how this maybe for others asexuals

TW FOR NSFW

……….

I am almost 20 years old, and all this time - I never knew that grinding counted as masturbation. I thought it was only considered masturbation if stuff came out and/or if you were doing it with your hand. I don’t even orgasm from it. It just feels slightly pleasurable which is why I do it. I never use my hands. I just rub against a pillow for a few minutes. I’d never let anyone else touch my private areas either.
I still am repulsed by the idea of oral and penetration.
Am I still allowed to call myself sex repulsed asexual? Isn’t masturbation sexual? :/

I feel absolutely fucking disgusting.

Basically, he says he's attracted to me, but it doesn't really show.

So I don't want to be sexual with him anymore, but we both value the connection enough to stay talking and bonded in a way.

I'm wondering if there are any guidelines, usual hurtles, or things to keep in mind in doing this for the first time?

I'm thinking of leaning into a kind of poly situation, he said he might be open to it.

I was just wondering if there are any aces out here that hate sex, repulsed , won't have it done to them, and everything but LOVE romantic shows and explicit audiobooks. It also turns me on too. But in person, hell no. I don't want anything to do with it whatsoever.

I was previously proud of my sexuality, ready to rule the world with my, uh, asexual-ness. I’m not too sure. But I was extremely proud, and best of all, confident.

Earlier this year, I asked out a boy friend I liked with a rose, then later with tickets to a concert at my city’s theater, and since then we’ve never stopped going on dates. I could tell our first Valentine’s Day a million times and never get sick of it. We love watching movies, and cuddling, gaming, exercising… all the cute activities that could make someone’s heart melt the way we love each other. He’s my first ever, and I’m his first real.

Because relationships usually have a lot of getting “down and dirty”, we’ve had many conversations on sex, and specifically, my extreme uninterest in it. He’s straight, and male, and young, therefore having urges, while I’m ace, barely considered straight, and I struggle to even think about sex, let alone have any libido. He is perfectly fine with it. In fact, he loves my individuality. Before I asked him to stop, he’d occasionally bring up trying it, but I have sensory issues, so I always said no. And after a brief silence, he’d squeeze me tighter, and let me ramble about some other topic I thought of.

That’s the weird part! He has never had an issue with me being asexual. I have been transparent about it since the first month, and yet I still feel like I’m depriving him of experiencing what is ultimately the most natural thing partners can do. If he was upset about that stuff, we would’ve broken up a long time ago, and yet he’s stayed. AGH! I hate my brain. Girlfriends are just insecure creatures.

WARNING: ill be going into detail on sexual stuff so if that makes you uncomfortable dont read this

im 22F and i never really considered the possibility of me being asexual until the last year or so. ive had celebrity crushes from a very young age (huge crushes, posters all over my wall and everything.) i realized in middle school that im possibly bi because i had little crushes on girls in my class but they were not as big as my celebrity crushes.

i think i started watching porn around 14-15 but never frequently and ive always been picky on what i watch. with most porn i felt nothing, i couldnt watch straight stuff because it all felt rapey to me. i think i mostly watched lesbian stuff around that time but now i mostly watch gay. i cant get into it if it doesn't feel real and if i cant imagine whoever my current character/celebrity crush is as someone in it.

i didn't really get into fanfiction until i was around 16 but i greatly prefer that to porn. i generally read stuff that is fetishy and might not even involve sex at all but it still leads to orgasm. i do occasionally read just normal gay sex stuff but intimacy without penetration is just a lot more attractive to me. and even with porn i prefer kinky out of the ordinary non penetration stuff. i dont think i could ever get into non-fanfiction erotica because i cant get into something sexual without already being invested in the characters.

i think this is unrelated to asexuality but sometimes i wonder if me not wanting to have sex has something to do with me feeling shame in being a woman. or that reading stories with women reminds me too much of me so i just cant get into it at all. i hate the idea of a man being inside me i find that degrading but i think i would be fine with pegging a guy. i would either want a relationship with no sex (which seems super rare to find) or just kink stuff occasionally would be fine but im so specific on that i dont think i could find someone thats into the same stuff as me (i mean i guess there are people out there from what i find on ao3 but they all seem to be women)

one of my big interests is wrestling and most of my current celebrity crushes are wrestlers. i feel a lot of physical attraction towards men for everything other than their penis, i dont really think about that part of them. sometimes i kind of forget that cis men dont have vaginas

ive never been in a relationship and it makes me sad to think about how its not a possibility for me lol. i think part of my problem could be ocd because the thought of kissing even grosses me out so it could be a contamination fear. sorry if this isnt the right place to post this kinda just wanted to write stuff down and try to make some sense of it. i started watching this show that has sex scenes in every episode and that led to me thinking about all of this because of how much it grossed me out

Warning: This post contains frank discussion of gynecology, virginity, and masturbation towards the end.

Ever since I was a kid I knew I didn't experience sexuality like my peers and at 16 I came to the conclusion that I am asexual (turns out I'm aroace and aegosexual/fictosexual, but that's a story for another day). Around the same time I had my first gynecologist appointment to get on birth control for my periods and I was dreading it. My doctor was a woman in her 40s and she sat me down to go over the basics. I was comfortable with her and we made polite conversation about video games and movies.

When it got to the part where she asked me if I was sexually active or if it was possible that I was pregnant I told her, "No, I'm a virgin" And, "I don't think I'll ever want to have sex with anyone." This woman rolls her eyes and says in the most patronizing, saccharine tone, "Yeah, I'm sure you feel that way." Even at that age I knew that was horribly unprofessional, but I didn't say anything. I just kept my mouth shut and wanted to get the whole thing over with at that point.

She palpated my thyroid, checked my breathing and heart rate, then laid me on the table to do the breast exam (which was excruciating because I'm trans but, again, story for another day) and she said everything seemed fine. Then she told me to get up and get dressed. I asked her if she isn’t supposed to do a pelvic exam and she hits me with another dinger. She said, "I don't want to poke around down there," because nothing bigger than a tampon had been inside of me. Even though she seemingly didn't believe me when I said I was a virgin and I was there to get birth control.

She made me feel so naive yet so dirty; the Madonna-whore complex comes to mind now that I think about it, but I was somehow both at the same time. She made me feel like I was just a dumb kid who didn't know anything about the world or even myself. That really turned me off from going to any doctor or disclosing my asexuality to healthcare professionals, including mental health professionals, for a long time. It wasn't until I was 24 that I saw a gynecologist again and had a much better experience.

And, guess what, doc? It's been 11 years since then and I still feel the same way. I'm 27, happily a virgin, and have poked around down there enough for both of us (giggety). Best of all, my doctor, therapist, and psychiatrist believe me when I tell them these things. So, that's my story. I hope someone got something out of it.

TL;DR: Gyno thought I was a lying, virgin whore, but threw birth control at me anyway without doing a full exam.

I’ve known I’m ace for a few months now, thanks to a queer friend that brought the idea of asexuality to my attention. I ended up reading up about it and finally feeling understood for the first time.

The only person I’ve come out to so far is them (it went very well) and now I want to come out to my other queer friends (baby steps). Are there any tips for explaining it concisely, getting over anxiety before it and just words of encouragement for me?

Also does anyone have any tips for coming out to non-queer people who aren’t well averse in the concept of compulsory heterosexuality and might say something aphobic or invalidating to me in response?

Thank you so much for the help! This reddit has gotten me through a lot and I’m looking forward to what you all have to say!

I'm aroace, I know sod all about romance other than what I've read, seen or been told about, I don't care for it in the sense of wanting to partake in it but eating up all the information I can from friends etc from a distance is so bloody fun. Its like learning about a completely different way of life for the first time, first-hand, directly from the people who live it. (also vaguely funny for them to see me get literally every detail wrong, I deadass thought you picked crushes consciously)

I always try and be extra there for friends when they want to talk about love-stuff (gushing about good or venting about bad) because A: thats what friends are for and B: holy shit I am being pumped full of straight forbidden knowledge, its so cool.

Something I've struggled with for twenty years...

I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone. That much is certain. I just thought I was a late bloomer, as many other aces likely did in their high school days.

The closest thing I've ever felt was basically aesthetic attraction, to a boy when I was in high school. Basically it started off with an obsession about seeing him physically struggling in the pool, kicking his legs while holding onto a rectangular foam pool boat while not actually going anywhere, and the shorts he was wearing. So I wanted to try them on, and did so the next time we played together in the backyard pool at his house. After that, I mostly wanted to see him wear them, and there came many instances where he called out to me to give him a push or boost because he couldn't climb out of the pool, or onto the big inflatable ring (~12 person capacity) by himself. I enjoyed it every time, undoubtedly because of that aesthetic attraction. We were basically the same size, I was just taller. This carried on for a couple of years until I was in tenth grade, when he gave them to me. The feelings I had for him were growing stronger. I wished we could snuggle up together, go on trips to faraway places, but it could never happen because we were just kids. I'd been called gay whenever I tried to talk about it, but mostly just ignored it. Though I did start to wonder if I was gay, especially with the age difference between us of four years.

The image is an identical, larger pair of the shorts, as unfortunately his pair ended up being thrown out. It took me fifteen years of searching to find them. Likewise, I've never truly felt this way about anyone else, so I've been struggling to move on from it.

I’m an asexual. I’ve known for a while now that I am, but I’ve never had a partner I’ve been comfortable enough to “do things with” til now, and that being said, they’re a hypersexual. They’re always trying to compensate for my needs and I feel like this is going to be a huge problem for us soon, despite them saying it won’t be. When we have done ‘things’ I dissociate the whole time and I don’t feel that’s fair to them…am I being unfair to them?

I was reading comments in another sub which was mostly about people talking about how often they have sex, and if they only had it with their partner a few times a month they’d struggle.
One commenter was saying at his age of 39 he’s happy with once or twice a week and another guy replied saying that at his age that’s crazy to be happy with that little amount.
I’m 38, recently split with my partner but we only had sex very infrequently, and it was mostly my fault because I just seem to have a very low sex drive and have struggled feeling sexual attraction in real world situations - and unfortunately I think I coped by using porn instead. When I read how I think most adults have pretty good and regular sex I just feel so sad that I think I’ve missed out on such a wonderful part of living. I’m now well over a year without having sex and it really makes me think there’s something wrong with me - I’ve even been to test my testosterone levels but they’re all in normal range for my age.
Anyone else have similar experiences?

So I am pretty asexual. Like I'd be okay with cuddles, maybe hand stuff. But nothing beyond that. But I wanna lean fem in my clothes / style at times. Any other fem-leaning people also aces? I feel like not many are? Or am I wrong? 😄

I made this flag so that companies could make clothes that could be equipped with any of the moss widely used pride flags out there, including even the most misrepresented oness like the ace flag. The project is open-source and the 3D-models are free for anyone to download from my thingiverse. I hope my idea is useful for you folks! Do you have any suggestions on how I could make my design more useful for the ace community?