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24f, I've been questioning my sexuality for a while and I feel like I'm going in circles trying to figure this out, so I wanted to see if anyone else has experienced something similar. I've identified as pansexual loosely most of my life, and more recently as just queer.

I'm very physically attracted to women. When I see a woman's body that I'm attracted to, I actually feel sexually aroused. I like boobs, ass, female genitals, etc. I mostly only masturbate to women, and the idea of a woman wanting me sexually is appealing to me. I've also had some experiences with women before, just never to the point of sexual touching. I have had SA experiences from a woman before though.

But I'm not sure how I feel about actually having sex with a woman in actuality. I don't know why I'm uncertain about it. I can't tell if it's just the unfamiliarity of it or something else. It's not a matter of disgust either. I'm also not keen on the idea of a romantic relationship with a woman.

With men, it's pretty much the opposite. I don't really look at men in public and feel attracted to them. Men's bodies don't do much for me physically, and I don't generally feel that same kind of sexual response when I see one. I also have a lot of negative associations with men in general because of my many, many traumatic sexual abuse/general abuse experiences with them.

At the same time, I do enjoy the idea of sex with men, but it's mostly about the role I play in the act and how the man treats me. I'm submissive and masochistic, and the idea of a dominant, sadistic man who enthusiastically desires my body is very appealing to me, especially someone who is genuinely attracted to chubbier women and makes that obvious. The power dynamic, being touched, being desired, and the validation are all part of what appeals to me.

But I don't necessarily find the man himself physically attractive. It's more about what happens between us and how he makes me feel. That being said, I enjoy sexual acts with men and with cock, I'm just not visually attracted to those parts. I don't really want a relationship with a man either as of now, but have had one long term previously and have attempted dating men since. I've only had sex with two people, and they were both men, one being my long term ex. Neither were particularly great or fulfilling experiences.

I also tend to be much more interested in male fictional characters than female ones, intensely so, but it's not really a visual attraction thing as much as it is what the character represents, his themes, the kind of man he is, etc, but I don't know how much that actually says about my attraction to real people or if there's much overlap there. I know I'm very attracted to the worst of the worst in fictional men, like Leland Coyle from the Outlast Trials, but I wouldn't say that's my type remotely irl. I also don't particularly have a type irl.

I guess what confuses me is that if I had to choose between a hypothetical sexual encounter with a woman whose body I'm attracted to and a man who fits the dynamic I described, my first instinct would be the man. But when I actually think about it, I'm not sure whether I want the man himself because he's a man, or if I just want the experience and the dynamic, and the feeling of being wanted by him.

I'm not trying to force myself into a particular label, I don't care much about that (though it would be nice to have something easier to explain myself with) but I would like to understand what I'm experiencing and see if there's anyone else like me, and see if there's a term I'm just not aware of. I don't have anyone irl who cares to engage with me on this topic. I'm also questioning if I'm aromantic or just avoidant, but that could be its own post. I'm also hypersexual but have not had sex outside of relationships, so I'm essentially celibate at the moment.

So I have struggled a lot throughout my life with my identity. When I was 13 or 14 I tried to come out to my family. I was bisexual and my mother had put the fear of God into me. She cried for 3 days and three nights and told me that I was going to hell and that she was never going to see me again and I think for her that hit particularly really hard because she already feels like she's not going to see my dad again who had passed when I was younger.

Because of this event I feel like I force myself to behave straight. I also feel like fun of this event, I cultivated a lot of internalized homophobia and I genuinely find women attractive, but I don't know if I'd be able to have physical intimacy because of all of the homophobia I have been exposed to that is what I am used to being conditioned to think. For instance, my mom will talk about how gross she thinks Genitalia is especially woman and I think that left an imprint in my thinking. However, when it comes to women, I am so much more intellectually stimulated with them. They're much more kind and would stimulate me more emotionally.

I still catch myself vying for male attention But I'm not sure if that comes from the fact that my father passed when I was younger or if I actually like men I genuinely hate them with a burning passion from my experiences. But there are physical attributes that I find attractive. If I do hang around with men or try to find a man that I might potentially like, I go after men who have been raised around women or almost always surrounded by women. I do not like a man's man and ussaly prefer if they are just a little gay 🤣.

I know with whatever label I choose I 100% asexual and that is probably what is putting a damper in trying to figure out who I truly am.

Thank you all for listening to my story I appreciate any advice!

I [20F] have been with my boyfriend for over 2,5 years now. I love him so much. But i think i like women. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose us, but i also feel like i would be more myself with a woman.

But what if it’s a huge mistake? I love him so much and i recently moved more than 150km to be closer to him. I don’t regret that. But ever since the move i have been so lonely and i have no real friends. He has been my rock our entire relationship. I just don’t know what to do. Please give me your blunt advice…
(Side note: he helped me move out of my toxic household, that makes me feel even more guilty about this. So i also can’t move back home.)

(Posted this in another sub as well) So, I have been coming to some really confusing realizations lately. Which, feels dumb that I’m only coming to them now? I’m not sure how to describe this but I’ll do my best to put my thoughts into words. I have very early memories as a kid wearing girls clothes or sneaking off to try them on, or even sleeping in them under regular clothes. And there’s always been little things as well, without even thinking much I’ve always selected the female option on any game if there was an option, or more recent, I’d role play as a woman. At one point, I even acted as a woman in C.Ai (I’ve since stopped using any ai, terrible, I know.). But I’ve always felt almost envious when I go clothes shopping, as well. Or really in any situation, I almost feel jealous of women just being women. Though I feel like I’d never actually want to transition, the desire to have just been born a woman is there. I love my day to day life and I’m comfortable in myself and my body, but sometimes this weird feeling will hit me out of nowhere almost to the point of nausea that I wish things were different. I’m not sure what kind of help I’m looking for, re-reading this I feel it came off more as a rant than anything, but I’m willing to hear any advice.

Hey everyone, new to this group. I thought this might be a good place to ask a question. Let me get straight into it, I’ve only been with men my whole life and it’s been fine yk what I mean. But when I see women at the gym, or any where really or when I think about women I feel more attracted to them and way more excited than I ever do with men. All I do is fantasise about women and wish I was with one. When I imagine a relationship I think of a woman, yet I’ve never been with one. I’m sorry if this sounds weird or too forward but I feel like this is a safe place to ask. I was wondering if any one had the same experience or has any advice on how I move forward with this. I was wondering if any one felt the same but then realised maybe they were lesbian?

I hate body hair and facial hair and i wish for long hair and other feminine things. Idk if these started after i read them on reddit just because i did or if i just create problems to suffer. Idk if im queer at all.

I do envy my crush however. I wish i was her, it hurts that im not. I just want to figure out what i am so everything makes sense again.

So, I grew up being the only "male" in a house with 3 women, being my sister, my mom and my grandma. Because of that, my mom always forced me to be the "man of the house" and it just... exhausted me. Most of the time, I'm the "tech guy", people don't spare me a single moment of peace just so I can fix their problems (most of the time being turn on the TV, do this payment for me, go to the supermarket at the end of the road for the third time in a row because I forgot to tell you to buy yet another thing, or making an instagram story ready for mom to upload dedicated to someone whenever it's doctor's day or worker's day or whatever the hell people are coming up with for holidays). Every single time I tell that I'm scared of something, mom comes at me like "I can't believe a man like this is being afraid", whenever I say I'm not interested in a relationship, she asks "so what, are you gay?", even though I've told multiple people multiple times that I'm bi. Even if she says things like these jokingly, I'm tired of hearing it. I was forced to do personal training at a gym for 5 years, and even if it did bring some visual results, I never wanted to do them, and I strongly doubt that it gave me any actual health benefit.

I'm just so tired of having to hear about being a man. I wanna be myself, which I like a lot more. I wanna wear black clothing, let my hair grow long, have french house playing on loop in my house, spend all day on my own or playing with friends, or whatever comes to mind. I wanna do weird quirky stuff that doesn't fall on either category given by society because I'm just that different :]

I actually have been questioning for quite some time now, at least for over a year ago, it's a thought that comes back every once in a while, but now it's stronger than ever.

But even then, I want to know if I'm doing something wrong. Should I go forth with this? Or am I just "confused"?

Even then, I intend on transitioning when I have my own house, because it's tough right now and it still will be for a couple of years, help a "brother" out (- - ;)

Hello! So im a young “female” teen who is at the moment looking for advice. Basically, IVE been questioning my gender since around June-July of this year. Around 3-4 weeks ago, I  finally came to the answer that I was trans. It wasn’t like some big grand moment for me, just that I realised that I wanted to live the rest of my life like that. I want to grow up and be someone’s husband, to be seen as a guy, for people to just assume I’m male. But recently (like this week recently) ive been struggling with it more. I had a conversation with my mother where I basically said “what would you do if I wanted to be a boy” (she knows I’ve  been questioning) Her answer was essentially that I was too young to know and that it was just my hormones, which stung. But it made me wonder whether it is too soon to know. After all, things which I think are dysphoria (i dont want to say it is in case it isn’t and I offend someone which I don’t want to do) like people automatically knowing im a girl, my hair being slightly longer, my chest not being flat have all only started being an issue after and just before I realised I was trans. I don’t know if it’s just because ive been thinking about it more, but it made me wonder if she was right. She also mentioned me never showing signs of this before now, which is true, but it again made me wonder if this is just my hormones. But it has genuinely been something I’ve been struggling with. Knowing that everyone sees me as a girl just hurts. I guess im just posting here to get an outside point of view? Any advice would be greatly appreciated and I’ll try my best to answer :)

I am a bisexual, AFAB but have hirsutism (from having PCOS/PMOS) & body image changes after preventive oophorectomy-salpingectomy/hysterectomy & am currebtly flat following a double masectomy due to having the BRCA-2 gene mutation. Between my hirsutism, removal of my female reproductive organs & removal of breasts, I'm not sure of my gender identity anymore. 😔 I'm seeing a therapist for my depression & have made progress in that area but I don't feel she's been helpful on this issue.

Any insights, thoughts or non-judgemental advice?

Im questioning my sexual identity for a bit of background info I was born a female and im from a more Christian type of family who (most) HATE different(AKA gender or if you're mlm or wlw). I grew up around the female side of my family and at a young age I experienced a lot of questioning/queer media and how growing up different is okay but lately ive found myself wanting to be a boy.

I'm not really sure how to describe it but im okay with being a girl, but i also get a sense of joy when people i meet online mistaken me for a boy before finding out im a girl. Another incident was when my sister sent a picture and my hand was in frame, her friend said "why are you with a boy?" Just based off my hand and I kind of took it as a compliment.

I dont mind how I am currently but I am self conscious about a lot of things(my looks especially). Im just confused of where I land, I dont think im trans but I also dont know many of the other gender identities. If someone has an answer, I would love to hear it!

Thank you so much for reading my post. I’ve been having a lot of questions about my identity under the trans umbrella. You see, I’m still a teenager, but I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I identify as a "demi-girl," and it doesn’t really matter to me whether people use feminine pronouns or not. In fact, when I’m online or playing games, I often pretend to be a boy—for some reason, that just feels more comfortable for me. I’ve always been less feminine compared to my friends, and I’ve always felt a bit out of place. Ever since I was little, I’ve been more masculine, and the idea of ​​being a boy felt completely normal to me. But now, I’m confused. I’m also afraid that I won’t be accepted if I decide to transition (FTM). Even though my family and the people around me support the LGBTQ+ community, I live in a country where being trans isn’t very well-regarded. Anyway, thank you so much for reading my post; I truly appreciate any comments or support! :3

Hi i'm [F 17], its my first time using Reddit as my friend recommended the platform after i raised some of my concerns regarding my love life. I'm not really good at articulating what i want to say or typing my thoughts out so please bear with me if things don't make much sense. For a little context i've only had relationships with guys (2 to be exact). Both relationships were ended by me after 7 months but it felt like each time after around 4 months I start becoming uninterested and/or easily irritable by my then boyfriend which i know sounds horrible but i cant control it. Despite this, i still for some reason stay until i guess I've finally had enough. The annoying thing is, during the first few months and the period of when i first develop feelings up until we start dating, it feels like i'm super attached and everything is perfect. I've also realized that when i feel even a slightest chance i have a crush on someone i start romanticizing everything which is now making me wonder if i actually like them or if i like this made up version of them i have in my head. I apologize if i'm going a bit off topic but my main dilemma is that i know i find guys attractive but i can never seem to hold down a relationship or retain feelings for a guy for anything above 7 months.

Recently however, i think I've started to develop a crush on a girl for the first time. Its only been about a month so it feels like I'm jumping the gun. As i said. its the first time I've felt this way with the opposite gender and i want to know whether these feeling are genuine or if this is 'just a phase' or i'm bored and want some excitement in my life. To give a little context about me and this girl, we have one class together and used to have the same study blocks together. I've always thought she was really cool since the first time i took notice of her. Id see her drawing (which i also liked to do) and she also had one of those bags with many pins on them representing the fandom's shes in and i recognized some characters. I don't remember the exact time frames but around 3 weeks into my first year in sixth form, i decided the finally muster up the courage to ask for her snap in hopes we could talk more as i really wanted to be her friend. She was very nice and added me back. Unfortunately, we never really texted after that because i'm too much of a pussy and we barely interacted.

Now fast forward a year (which is about a month ago) i suddenly started thinking about her again. Now i apologize that this does sound perverted, but i had a sudden intimate dream about her and ever since I've started to view her differently and shes constantly on my mind. At first i thought maybe this was just a massive friend crush so i started reaching out and texting her on various different social media platforms to become acquainted. We are now what i consider friends as we talk daily however i get very nervous when i talk to her irl and i am constantly overthinking our interactions. To be fair I've always been on the shy side but i noticed i tend to be way more nervous talking to new people who are female compared to male (genuinely not sure why) . I've deducted that shes probably straight and ill never get a chance with her so I'm working on trying to make my feelings go away. This new experience has started to make me really question myself. My friend did suggest that maybe i should try dating women, granted i tell them about my dilemma before pursuing anything serious, but it is obviously easier said than done. I'm honestly open to the idea but i'm scared to as i really don't want to mess things up for a girl and i really want to improve myself before i even consider becoming romantically involved with a girl as i am aware i have lots of flaws when it comes to relationships and don't want to put them through that burden. I've noticed i don't have this mindset when it comes to guys for some reason and i seemingly jump into relationships a bit too fast.

I'm sorry if this was a long post as i don't know how long Reddit posts usually are but i hope someone can give me some clarity. I don't really have a definitive question to ask i really just want to know why i'm like this and if this crush i'm having is even real. If questions need to be asked in order to gain more insight or something ill try my best to answer.

Hi Reddit I need help. I am questioning my sexuality and gender. I never really felt like a girl but doesn’t mind my chest and doesn’t feel like I fit in socially female or male. I want to be genderless. Growing up in my life due to trauma being female is painful and I wanna change and because of that doesn’t feel female. I’m scared to feel attraction to anyone of any gender. I secretly feel attraction to only men but hate that I feel any attraction. I’m super scared. By the time I turned 9 I no longer feel like female and want to be genderless. I hate the feeling of being female and being seen in the female gaze from everyone. I hate when people say my current name and use female pronouns. I just wanna be no gender or genderless But has some attraction to men. I am confused and scared and need help.

I have been thinking about this for about a week or so. For context I recently started high school. For the most of my life, I was attracted to girls (which I still am and I have crushes on girls still). Last year in 8th grade one of my female friends came out as a member of the community (she is still debating, though I assume she is either bi or pan), and one of my friends is also bi. Over the summer I did some more research into the LGBTQ community, and I began considering that I may also be attracted to guys as well. I really started questioning a few weeks ago (I think about three) when I overheard the guy who sat next to me in orchestra say that he was gay, and I think I developed a crush on him. I think I am bi because like I said I still have crushes on girls and I could envision myself in a relationship with both a girl or a guy. What do you guys think?

I've spent my entire life so far being a boy and only recently began to question my identity. I would say I'm already not masculine in a traditional/stereotypical sense, but I'm comfortable with that and I can't say I've ever felt any dysphoria. But my gender has never really been more than "this is my body and this is who I am." I've imagined being a girl on occasion before, but I don't feel out of place in my current body.

I like the idea of having a feminine body, and everything that comes with it, but at the same time I can't picture myself as anything other than what I am right now. I've only started to truly explore my feelings this week, and for once I'm having trouble deciphering my own thoughts.

I've been looking online a lot, and there are definitely some things I can relate to, but I'm still so unsure. I've gone on anonymous chat rooms presenting myself as a girl, and it felt really nice when I was called "ma'am" or something similar, but I can't tell if it's something genuine or just the feeling of the novelty.

I'd really appreciate hearing any outside perspectives. I genuinely can't tell where I'm going to land, but I know figuring myself out is the first step.

Just wondering, I mean, I have my own thoughts, but this is the question I have.

You see, I like girls. I've only ever had crushes on girls, and been attracted to girls. Never anything with boys. Thing is, I'm curious/like the idea of sucking dick. This is the simplest way to put it.

Now, all sorts of people will point to that and say "Bro's gay" and blatantly tell me I'm not straight (which is what I identify as).

But, I feel like sexuality is a lot more than one's sexual desires and fantasies. Like isn't it totally relational? Because I can see myself later on living happily with a wife and kids, but I can NOT imagine myself having a relationship with a dude. It's just not me.

Then you got people who say that religion's making me mask it and that I'm afraid or something, which may be valid for some, but is total nonsense for me.

Plenty just slap on the "bisexual" tag and be like "It's simple bro", but I feel like being bisexual means liking both sexes, or being open to both. But I'm quite simply exclusively subscribed to liking women.

Idk, maybe this whole post is for naught, but might as well. What are your thoughts?

Hello, whoever reads this. (English isnt my first language!)

It's going to be some sort of a vent post. I just need to write down my feelings to understand them better.

I [16 NB] am questioning if im trans. For the past year i were strugling with dysphoria to the point i almost had a breakdown bc i saw mysefl in the mirror. At that time i still had quite long hair and i hated it, now when i had cutted them its not as strong as it was.

Now its getting complicated. I dont hate being a girl or having feminine body but sometimes something just isnt right. Yesterday i bought a hoddie from man section and i looked like a boy! I was excited but then i took it off and become dissapointed. Its about my chest some days im okay with it and somedays i try to cover them as much as i can.

I like to dress "manlly" and im okay when i look like a "strong" girl. Dresses allways made me feel uncomfortabe and skirts I HATE THEM.

Also i really like to make strangers online think im a boy, some time ago someone used he/him when talking about me and i was so idk how to describe that... excited i forgot to breath and almost chocked on my saliva but anyway, i like looking like a men.

Also the thouth about potentialy taking testosterone isnt somethink i think i want like i dont want to have facial hair but maeby its because i dont like beards.

OMG now that i read it again its so messy idk if anyone will understand but if u do and u go throu similiar thing or have any tips or anythink that could help me understand myself please leave a comment.

Have a good day.

EDIT: I forgot to mention im confused and a bit scared i waht to understand mysefl but at the same time my brain tells me that im just seek8ng attension and i should get over it. Im lost and everytime i think i finally find the right path i still end up lost and alone. i dont want to fell that way i cant live like this. im tired of constantly swiching betwen "i like how i look and feel comfortble ij my body" and "something is so much wrong but i dont know what".

obligatory throwaway account for reasons that will become clear

I'm almost 30, and I think I might be a lesbian. That would be all fine and dandy if I wasn't also married to a man, who I would consider my soulmate and my best friend.

My whole life I have known I liked women. The first crush I remember having was a girl in my preschool daycare. The first person I ever loved was a girl I met when I was nine, and I knew it within a year of us being friends. I still mourned my almost-relationship with her until I was twenty. I've never questioned that, because it came so quickly and so naturally.

I had my first crush on a boy when I was also nine. He was nice, smart, and also liked Phantom of the Opera. When I was eleven, I developed an intense crush on a boy who bullied me SEVERELY. It didn't matter. I still was obsessed with him for years. I lost my virginity to a boy, and I have slept with several men over the years before I was married. I had several boyfriends who I felt that I loved.

Here's where I'll note that at 7, I was SA'ed by my older brother (M17), and that was a massive blow to my psyche growing up -- I developed a complex where I just thought he was still the coolest guy ever and wanted him to like me so much. Felt that way until I was like 18. I also had several SA incidents throughout my early adulthood with men, one being particularly violent. It felt like I was somehow always chasing men who turned out to be predatory or cruel.

However, I always had this INTENSE attraction to women. I always said that wlw heartbreaks are far worse than straight ones; they were devastating in a way breakups with my boyfriends never were. My most positive sexual memories were those around women and girls that I had loved, even when the relationships weren't so healthy.

I met my husband when I was 21, and we connected instantly, as we were both writers in the same college program. I had just gotten out of a horrible breakup, was in a manic episode, and I just met this person who was so grounded and interesting and talented and authentic. I wasn't really physically attracted to him, but I loved him as a person like INSTANTLY. Our relationship was heavily sexual in the beginning, but always with mutual respect and consent. We spent all of our time together. He helped me get medicated for my mental illness, helped get me into therapy, and has saved me from the abject terror I was in all the time. By the time I was 26, we got married. It was such a beautiful day in my life. He is seriously the best husband and person in the world. And my best friend without reservation.

At one point about a year and a half into our relationship, he sensed I was kind of going through the motions when it came to sex. He asked me once after we had had sex, if I really WANTED to do it, and to be honest. I shrugged and was like, I guess not REALLY. He cried and told me to never do that to him again. And it broke me. Ever since then, we have had sex at MOST six times a year. It has been the only point of tension in our whole relationship, as he requires a lot of physical affection. I have spent years crying about it, bargaining with myself, getting high to have sex, forcing myself if I notice it's been a couple of months. I enjoy that it makes him so happy, and that's why I want to do it. But most of the time, it makes my skin kind of crawl. I dont know who I am when I'm doing it. On the best of days, I like the feeling, I just don't really want to SEE him doing it.

For years, I have laughed and called myself a lesbian "except for my husband". I have done the incredibly cringe thing of calling my husband and I "lesbians". I have said more than once to my closest friends that my biggest fear is waking up one day and realizing I'm a lesbian. I have had a crisis about it about once a year for a decade. In the past five, it's become so overwhelming.

I love my life. I really do. I love our home, our friends, our marriage. But I see wlw couples on the street and I GRIEVE. I only masturbate to lesbian porn or thirst traps of women. I ruminate on my past wlw relationships and I mourn.

It's gotten to a point where I had to tell him. He basically said that he had a feeling that might be the case, and told me that we could always be together, even if not sexually. He also said that he had been deeply depressed about his self image because of the lack of sex, and that if I was gay it would make that a little easier to deal with. But something in my gut feels so off... I even have been chalking it up to maybe a mental illness episode.... I don't know. I need help. I love him. I love our life. But I can't shake this no matter what.

PS, yes I'm in therapy and yes we are communicating :) if you made it this far, im beyond grateful just that you're listening.

**Basically the title - i dont know if I am trans and i wouldnt mind some help**

((Posting this here (again) as this might be the better sub for it...))

# Disclaimer:

New account because I am not safe if my family finds this post (and they know my accounts).

Im sorry about any grammatical mistakes, my english is not that good :c

I know that you cant get me a definite answer to this but I really appreciate some insight!

# Little background info (possible trigger part, emotional abuse):

My parents have always told me that Im not relevant, that others needs need to be satisfied first, that am only there to live for them, that i do not get anything unless others have it and dont want it anymore. That i simply do not matter. Many other such things that i dont want to explain here.

Therefore i never questioned anything about me, i dont know how im feeling or if i like what im doing as it *did not matter anyways*. I for example cant answer the simple question "how are you?" because i dont know.

Skip a few years

Gone to therapy without parents knowing (I had a professional/trained friend giving me sessions off) cause i had/have severe depressions because of that, get meds ultimately making it a bit better, thats where I am now. I still have to live with my parents though. I have never spoken to my therapist about that nor do i have the chance now.

So why am I questioning then?

+- since 10y old

I always made female chars in online games, most of the time said i was she to purely online friends. I did not like the attention this got me out of PMs so i stopped and only disclosed in private chats. I would not talk with them anyways. I liked it (and even get excited) being called like that, and never corrected anyone even outside of that, even when ppl "officially" misgendered me because of for example my name (can be given to any gender) or my looks later (long hair, fully shaved, being told my "sitting or walking style looks female(/gay)", ofc that was not meant in a good way but i still liked it....).

I took it that i just wanted to escape reality, if you understand what I mean?

What it triggered:

Fast forward again, i made friends with someone online. Asking my pronouns - i was not sure (in call). Short forward some weeks - another online friend i made - we write and basically finish each others short stories. She one time made a female version/name out of a main char introduced by me. I have not said anything about that, which probably led to her calling me by a more female version of my name - in voice call (mockingly but not with bad intentions)! I could not answer the first time, it was as if my heart skipped a beat. After that she sometimes calls me by that name above, though it always feels truer than the real name? If it makes sense? This happened about two months ago.

I ordered female clothing, make-up and so on for the first time a few weeks ago, and worked on my overall appearance as i further realized that i never liked who i am/what i look like(or well i hate it to some degree). I also ordered DIY ingredients (so i imo was quite far in thinking that this is the case, but now got doubts) as i dont have other options (I dont want advice on that but it feels neccessary to mention it). I have never felt any happier in my life tbh and i get excited like a small child whenever i can go to the post station to claim a new item and take it on. This applies not to all "luxury" (luxury as in anything i want but do not need). which i order. I usually do not experience any case of (joyful) anticipation.

What makes me doubting myself heavily:

I had a trans gf (mtf) for some time, that i may be in the same situation never occured to me then. Ive helped her with her struggles never appliyng any of her mental things onto me or even questioning it (. Weve broken up since then but are still friends, i just dont know if i want to ask her this.....

I only really lerned to get to my actual emotions in therapy, though i dont know if i interpret them correctly, as i was blocking everything off.

I dont know if all of the above is enough to call me trans/she/í dont know how i say that correctly in english. Or if I am just weird again.

Also if ordering any of that was the right move.

I hope any of this makes sense to you and i appreciate the help! Thank you for reading and sorry for bothering you :c

***while writing/reviewing this i realized i fantasized about wearing said clothing as kid for a good part and daydreaming about wearing/being it, and recalled some vivid dreams - where i was female. I usually do not remember dreams but i have memories of three, maybe four times that it happened. These are the only dreams i can remember alongside one extremly shocking one as kid that does not matter in this regard.

*****i do not remember much in general or anything else useful from my childhood

Hi all, for the longest time I thought I was aroace, but looking back, I don't think this label suits me very well. Would love any sort of help in figuring out my sexuality :'-)

I think guranteed I am asexual, as I feel utmost repulsion at anything sexual. However, romantism is where I am most confused at. I've had "crushes" but I don't know if I really like them that way or not... Like I can't distinguish my own feelings, as in I don't know if it's a friend-crush or a crush-crush!! But also, I'd never get into a relationship, because of unrelated reasons... struggles with self worth and all... but I do get crushes, i think...?

Also, I often do get celebrity crushes. I don't know if that counts. But again I'd Never get in a relationship with them. Because i don't know them like that and also majority of these celebrities are way older than me.

I don't know if the gender of my crushes matter, but I've noticed that IRL, all of my crushes have been female /feminine (am i finsexual..?). But for celebrity crushes they're 50:50 masc and fem.

I tried looking into aromatic microlabels but couldn't really find anything... any pointers would be much appreciated, thanks in advance ^_^

(If it helps somehow, I am Agender and 17 years old.)