(18 M) Am I non-binary?

[u/Arthurbeingstupid]

So, I grew up being the only "male" in a house with 3 women, being my sister, my mom and my grandma. Because of that, my mom always forced me to be the "man of the house" and it just... exhausted me. Most of the time, I'm the "tech guy", people don't spare me a single moment of peace just so I can fix their problems (most of the time being turn on the TV, do this payment for me, go to the supermarket at the end of the road for the third time in a row because I forgot to tell you to buy yet another thing, or making an instagram story ready for mom to upload dedicated to someone whenever it's doctor's day or worker's day or whatever the hell people are coming up with for holidays). Every single time I tell that I'm scared of something, mom comes at me like "I can't believe a man like this is being afraid", whenever I say I'm not interested in a relationship, she asks "so what, are you gay?", even though I've told multiple people multiple times that I'm bi. Even if she says things like these jokingly, I'm tired of hearing it. I was forced to do personal training at a gym for 5 years, and even if it did bring some visual results, I never wanted to do them, and I strongly doubt that it gave me any actual health benefit.

I'm just so tired of having to hear about being a man. I wanna be myself, which I like a lot more. I wanna wear black clothing, let my hair grow long, have french house playing on loop in my house, spend all day on my own or playing with friends, or whatever comes to mind. I wanna do weird quirky stuff that doesn't fall on either category given by society because I'm just that different :]

I actually have been questioning for quite some time now, at least for over a year ago, it's a thought that comes back every once in a while, but now it's stronger than ever.

But even then, I want to know if I'm doing something wrong. Should I go forth with this? Or am I just "confused"?

Even then, I intend on transitioning when I have my own house, because it's tough right now and it still will be for a couple of years, help a "brother" out (- - ;)

[u/Naive_Market_9688]

This is them putting their stereotypical perspective on you - it's actually probably not a reflection on how you conduct yourself. As someone who lived in an environment of an oppressive amount of testosterone, I always felt bad for my brother and my dad. The things that they must have had to go through for the rest of us had to be excruciating at times. And it wasn't even evenly divided - my baby sister put the rest of us to shame with her demands and such.

Try not to read too much into it and don't let it dictate how you conduct yourself. Just do you, be you, and when you're not under the influence of that much estrogen and out on your own you may find that there's only residual traces of their influence on you. If you're lucky. Good luck