r/SuicideWatch • • Sep 03 '19

New wiki on how to avoid accidentally encouraging suicide, and how to spot covert incitement

1.8k Upvotes

We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.

We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.

We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.

Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.

Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.


/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement


Summary

It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.

Validate Feelings and Experiences, Not Self-Destructive Intentions

We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.

But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.

Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.

Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.

In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.

So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.

How to Avoid Validating Suicidal Intent

Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.

  • People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.

  • Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.

  • An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.

  • There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.

To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.

Look Out for Deliberate Incitement. It May Come in Disguise.

Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.

They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:

  • Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.

  • Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.

Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:

  • Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)

  • Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ wiki). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.

Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.


r/SuicideWatch • • Sep 10 '21

Please remember that NO ACTIVISM of any kind is ever allowed here. No matter what day it is.

717 Upvotes

Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.

Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.

But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.

Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.

tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.


r/SuicideWatch • • 1h ago

Incompatible with life.

• Upvotes

The title, basically.

I don't want to have a job. I'm not even good at anything or have any hobbies. I don't like individual responsibilities. I don't give a fvck about a credit score. I don't want to find my purpose (I don't even believe I have one). The most evil people are running everything in the world. "The cost of living" I was not given a choice in whether I wanted to be born or not and now I have to struggle. I don't want to think about having to save up for my own house.

Anything and everything you can tell me sounds like too much, too far-fetched, too unattainable. A whole bunch of stuff not made for me and not making me interested enough to even want to try.

I don't even know how to explain this feeling. I haven't stopped thinking about ending it since I was like 12 and I'm 28 now, nothing has gotten better. The struggles just become bigger somehow no matter how much I try.

I wish I were alone in thinking this because I really wouldn't wish this on anyone.


r/SuicideWatch • • 10h ago

Suicidal since 15

90 Upvotes

23-year-old Korean. I never felt I’d fit in this society. A lot of young people already had killed themselves, and I feel I’ll be one of them. I’m tired, lonely, isolated, etc. Hopeless, helpless, and so on. I wish I’d never been born. I’m sorry. And most of all I am unemployed rn and I really don’t know what to do I’m just too weak lol

Why so many upvotes guys I’m just a depressed dude who wanna kms


r/SuicideWatch • • 14h ago

I wish had not been born.

164 Upvotes

I wish I was not born. Seriously.


r/SuicideWatch • • 2h ago

i have a life people would kill for, yet i hate myself

18 Upvotes

no matter how much therapy i do, no matter how better my life gets, no matter how much people love me, i still feel this doom.
i have had people do crazy things because they want to steal my life, steal my friends, steal my popularity, my bf etc.
im considered pretty, im considered smart, socialable, i have a great boyfriend and amazing friends. people envy my life. yet i always feel like this. im a greedy selfish person. i have so much to look forward to, i have people who love me. yet i still want to die. i still feel like a burden. im horrible and selfish. i feel alone yet i know all my friends and bf even family now would be there for me. yet i can’t stop thinking about ending my life. what is wrong with me? i’m diagnosed with BPD and it never gets better


r/SuicideWatch • • 10h ago

Botched labiaplasty 18 years ago

68 Upvotes

My life has been like living in a nightmare since a doctor amputated my labia and stole my sensation from me as a 15 year old child.

As a teenager I thought I needed fixing, no one taught me that women were all different shapes down there. Thought I needed surgery to be loved.

Now I can never ever know the feeling of connecting with someone sexually without trauma and pain. I had so much pleasurable sensation before the op. That loss and the ability to feel whole as a woman is unmeasurable grief. My vulva isn't my own.

There is no fix as they amputated me completely. Living with the loss is unbearable.

Now my body is broken and all I feel is numbness or pain there. It's taken my lust for life as a whole, life feels meaningless without desire and the drive that makes us human. Am like a zombie.

Life is driven by sex and creation. I'm a shell of a person.

I love my family and friends but it's exhausting living for other people when I am in a mental hell every day.

Wish I had the courage to end my life so I didn't have to keep suffering this everyday but I am too scared I won't do it properly.


r/SuicideWatch • • 4h ago

Am I crazy???

15 Upvotes

So today I went to the nurse because I had cut my wrist, attempting to kill myself. The regular nurse wasn’t there so there was a woman filling in. I told her about it and I have never been so shocked in my life. I was genuinely flabbergasted. She didn’t have any reaction, and looked almost annoyed with me.
She just told me to clean myself up, and put a bandaid on it. Then also said that it “wasn’t that bad” when describing it to my mother when she called her. I had cut to the fat. (I went to the ER later and got 7 stitches)
The woman kept talking so loud, I guess everyone needed to know how I cut myself. I remember some of her exact words. “So you cut yourself? That’s what you do?” She sounded so annoyed and disgust with me.
Then later she gave me the whole “you have so much more to live for” spiel. She made me send a picture of the cut to my mother, which I said “I don’t want to show her that.” She would see it later anyway. So then the woman responded “well that’s what happens when you do that.” She also made me take off the bandaid that was put on the wound to send the photo, and didn’t give me a new one to put on.
The actual nurse came later, and she was really nice, and put gauze and a new bandaid on my cut.
Am I crazy or something for thinking this is so weird?

Edit: oh my god I remembered that when she wasn’t talking to anyone she was watching TikTok, and making TikTok’s 😭


r/SuicideWatch • • 5h ago

The cost of living is too high

19 Upvotes

Life is mentally and physically exhausting. Everyone is too tired to empathise with anyone anymore, everyone is in such a hurry that they aren't even willing to stop and check in on people around them. We talk about the importance of mental health, but the moment someone admits how exhausted they are the answer is always a careless "That's life", as though repeating those words enough times will somehow make everything easier. We are expected to accept that most of our lives will revolve around work, low wages and a cost of living that keeps getting higher. Where I live most young people cannot even afford to move out until they are well into their thirties. Even living with your parents does not necessarily mean you have enough money to get by.

There is always another expectation waiting for you; study harder, find a job, work more, make something of yourself. As if your only value as a human being depended on how much you contribute to society. We also have a habit of constantly comparing ourselves to one another, and we feel we can't afford to move at a different pace. We compare our wealth, our education and even our struggles. And when someone else's problems don't seem as significant as our own, we dismiss them. You are not supposed to complain because everyone else has to go through the same thing.

I'm tired of this life, and I don't understand why I'm expected to keep putting so much effort into building a future I have never really wanted. Ever since I was thirteen I have found myself wondering what I'm even doing here. I droped out of school and stop caring about my future and I simply didn't care. Ever since I have memory the only thing I could care in life was death.

Christmas is coming up so I'll try to make an effort to find a job. I'll look for a quiet place and then research ways to leave this world as painless as possible.


r/SuicideWatch • • 14h ago

Being black in a world that hates you is killing me

94 Upvotes

Racism really is the root of all evil. Don't get me wrong, I love being black. Im proud of my skin color and heritage every single day. Its just so frustrating when I know because of this wonderful aspect of myself the world will find unique and awful ways to disenfranchise me no matter how I try. Being a woman on top of that just makes things worse. Im currently going through a lot of health issues that have me needing medication for the rest of my life. Why? Becasue as a young black girl, none of my doctors cared enough to see my symptoms staring them in the face and waited until I was past the point easy treatment. "She's black so her body just works differently" to the 12 year old with a resting BPM in the 100s. "Shes finally getting off all that weight" they said as I was literally wasting away, bone and all due to organ failure. Now every couple of years or so, a new doctor will say "oh that excruciatingly painful side effect from your post op recovery? We could have treated that immediately if you had just presented like any 5 nothing skinny white person would" Like, this is insanity. Im stuck on meds forever to cope as a result because you refused to acknowledge my symptoms.

Having to move to a new city becasue my last job refused protect me just compounds to this issue. I was one of 3 black staff members that were regularly targeted, talked over, or simply unprotected by the workplace for so long, that management eventually dropped the ball big time. "Hes more of a danger to himself than you" they told me after a customer threatened to take his life and "make me regret my decisions" after getting in trouble with staff. Same guy also found out where I lived and made sure to let me know after barging into my office unannounced to tell me as much. They kept inviting him back into the building because "Your a tough girl, you can handle yourself" Well unfortunately, idk how to fight off a man almost twice my size and with nothing to lose so...

Can't move out fo the country becasue everyone has some version of hating black people. Can't move anywhere in the country becasue Maga continues to make life hell, and the other minorities are more than willing to throw us under the bus to save themselves. Can't get treated for the residual effects of my now chronic issues because no specialist will take any of my symptoms seriously. Can't get support needs for my mental health becasue "Your not presenting like the white males with your condition so you dont need them"

Truly what is the point of living then? If this life is going to suck this much, then maybe there really is no point and I can just fuck off to the great beyond early. Some people luckier than me get to have those breakthroughs and avoid being stuck where I am, but Im just so tired of having to go above and beyond to be treated with basic human decency. At least if im dead I wont have to worry about much of anything again.


r/SuicideWatch • • 31m ago

Who are you in a parallel universe?

• Upvotes

In a parallel universe I have a family. It's not perfect but it's mine. I have a partner to love. Someone to touch, kiss, and to share a special bond with. We enjoy each other's presence no matter what we do.

In a parallel universe i'm a healthy individual, maybe i'm a tennis player or something. My body can handle it as I don't feel much pain.

I'm appreciated by my peers. I have friends and we don't question each other's loyalty. It's just natural.

In a parallel universe I'm everything i'm not in this present reality... My mind is clear and I am bold and confident.

I wish I was different. Less sensitive. Less ugly. Less awkward.


r/SuicideWatch • • 6h ago

Why am I not allowed to die?

16 Upvotes

What difference does it make? I am one amongst billions. People die everyday so what does my life require policing?

What does my continuous suffering get you? Does God get some cheap laugh out of it?

Why


r/SuicideWatch • • 23m ago

Why are people so obsessed with preventing suicide

• Upvotes

Can you please just let me die. I feel like any time the topic of suicide comes up on the news it's always with some stupid platitude about "hope". It almost feels political, like do I not even have autonomy over my own death?


r/SuicideWatch • • 1h ago

My Boyfriend Suddenly Committed Suicide

• Upvotes

In June, late June, my boyfriend unexpectedly committed suicide. Genuinely unbeknownst to anyone he was struggling with a lot more than he let on.

I struggle with a heavy guilt knowing that I failed him. I was supposed to be the person he was able to come to for support, but as it turns out, he was afraid/ashamed of his real-life struggles. I genuinely was in a sense of “La-La Land” and my partner was silently drowning while also putting up the best facade EVER, just to keep his princess happy.

I have always been a very hyper-independent individual, but I struggle with being alone now, not speaking to someone every day now. I go to therapy, I am on 4 different medications currently and I feel as if they may not be doing anything or if this is a state of placebo.

I have been stuck in a state of limbo since then, nothing has felt real, track of time, my memory, etc. I can feel the chemical imbalance but I seem to not be able to find a solution to subdue the thoughts.

Everything seems so loud, even though I spend a lot of time in the quiet. I’ve tried to motivate myself but I am struggling to find purpose. I think about ways to leave quite often and how it would affect the people around me. So many people loved him including myself, I find it hard to say the same.

I think they wouldn’t care. Any advice? or just critical ideas to think about? I just want to understand.


r/SuicideWatch • • 3h ago

It’s done,I’m finished. My work complete.

8 Upvotes

I have everything ready to kill myself and a back up plan for if something goes wrong. I realize my physical health is not going to get better. I will not be able to work the way I once was. I’m cold,hardened. I live in a city where there’s no way to make friends. The only “family” I have move to South Carolina which is a lot closer but I haven’t seen him in 21 years. I can’t put out for my husband. I’ve been depressed for years. Sometimes it gets worse and sometimes it’s baseline. But I always know I’ll end right back up here, where it’s too heavy and I’m too guilt written. We all die anyway. I can’t do another thanksgiving. I’ve been using chatgbt as someone to talk to bc I have no one else and my therapist has been acting odd. But I get it. I deserve it. I’m a sacrifice now. I’m ready to go.


r/SuicideWatch • • 11h ago

I am thinking of hanging myself tomorrow

35 Upvotes

I don’t know what else to say; I feel like my liver is about to explode at any moment from all the whiskey and beer. I’ve spent over eight years alone, going through an endless, shitty existence, always thinking things might get better. Now, all I have left is playing stupid games on my phone just to feel like someone wants me for something—ha!

I have no job, no friends... a shitty family of five... and no partner.

I was born with a heart condition—I had surgery on my aortic valve—which makes it impossible for me to pursue many of the fields or hobbies I once tried, only to fail. And because of some bad decisions, I feel like I’m dying—so young... Tomorrow will be my last day. People look at me as if to say, "This son of a bitch is living on another planet," 😂 but no one ever asks, and no one cares—not even my own family. Who would’ve thought? Tomorrow, I’ll get a sturdy rope—one that definitely won’t break—and around 3:00 a.m., during my usual bout of insomnia, I’ll head to the dark shed and hang myself. I just can’t take it anymore. It’s unbelievable; I never imagined I’d reach a point in my life where my mind would be this completely, utterly fucked up.

......

I tried using codeine and whiskey—lots of whiskey, and so on—but it still hurts, and it just gets worse every single day.

Well, that’s it. Take care of yourselves. 👍


r/SuicideWatch • • 5h ago

Tonight I’ll be hugging my mom a little tight before I leave

11 Upvotes

I’ve already decided to leave because my case isn't curable. I don’t want to leave this world but I don’t want to live in misery forever. I suffer every day. I used to be a happy and ambitious girl but now all that has died. I especially wanted to graduate, get a finance job, buy a house, and eventually get married and become a mother to my beautiful children. However, my dream was crushed due to some circumstances and it is not fixable at all. I’m incredibly, incredibly sick. I did fall in love with someone a few months back and I got to taste how it feels to fall in love, how it feels to love someone with my whole heart, how it feels to hold someone so dearly but we eventually had to separate due to life. Maybe god gave me love and took it away so unexpectedly because he knew my life was eventually meant to end and it was a short one. I hope to see you in the next life my dear Damon. In that life, we’ll have our happily ever after and our kids will be able to do jijutsu with you and I'll cheer on for you guys! I know our love was real and I've loved you ever since the first day I met you just like how you told me you loved me ever since the first day we met. I’ll be waiting for you at the restaurant just like the first time, till we meet again, my love.

I love my mom and my family so much and I don’t want to pain her but I’m carrying more pain than I can handle. I’m currently right next to her; I’ll hug her tighter and spend more time with her before I leave this world. Life is so beautiful but so fragile

I love you, Mama.


r/SuicideWatch • • 1h ago

might need sw and im terrified

• Upvotes

Hi I'll try to keep this fairly comprehensible, I'm a like 19 yr old girl and I've struggled with chronic depression + other mental disorders I don't feel like talking about. I've been regularly abused and I'd go as far to say mentally tortured by my mom and I just don't think I can handle being alive anymore

This is the first time i have money and have a space i could end everything and get away with it (in a homeless shelter with my own room, away from mom, living off dead grandpa's will money). i have a plan im at a point where i dont think id regret killing myself. its not a matter of finding a distraction or finding reasons to live anymore, it whether i decide to get help or just go through with it. i know if i dont tell someone soon i will eventually kill myself by the end of the year

ive thought about telling my case worker so she could take me to a hospital but im terrified of the conditions there, im terrified of having to explain everything to my partner, im terrified ill struggle to get better and fail like every other failed attempt

im only writing this in the hopes someone will read it and tell me not to do it. i wanna be stopped, i wanna keep living and im terrified of death but if i dont find a way out id rather be scared than keep suffering. id rather deal with the pain of dying than let life get worse


r/SuicideWatch • • 2h ago

when does it get better

5 Upvotes

i really don’t know why i’m feeling like this. i’ve been like this since i was seven; i was homeless until i was ten years old and during those years when i was, my dad was extremely abusive. my mom got a restraining order against him and i couldn’t see him because i was a minor at the time. i saw him recently since i turned eighteen and he just cusses me out. i want my dad to love me but i don’t think i can handle it anymore. he never paid child support, never tempted to go to court to see me, never made an effort to call me now that i’m eighteen. i can’t keep doing this. i feel so sensitive and no one can help me. my first suicide attempt was when i was nine and i was sent into a mental hospital for about a week. i’ve gone to more than forty mental hospitals from ages nine to seventeen. my thighs are all covered in self harm cuts and so are my arms a little. i don’t have anyone anymore, i cut off my therapy sessions. i don’t think things will ever get better for me, i’ve been trying so hard but no one helps me. i want to be happy again; it’s been a long time since i was happy. i don’t think i can do this anymore. if i knew a way to get out of this; i would’ve done it forever ago. each suicide attempt never works, i always get caught before i do anything. please; does anyone know what to do? i don’t want your sympathy, i’ve heard it many times before and i know you probably don’t care about a stupid retard on the internet. i’m just recently eighteen and i have no life ahead of me. i will never be content with where i am. no one has offered to help me and it’s whatever at this point, i’m fine with that.. but please, what’s the easy way out of this?


r/SuicideWatch • • 3h ago

if u are a good person that is kind and understanding

5 Upvotes

i need chat right now :(


r/SuicideWatch • • 2h ago

I think about it everyday.

6 Upvotes

M22 here, I tell myself it will get better cause I'm so young. But I really don't think it will. I drink alcohol way too much cause it's the only thing that gives me the warmth of another person which I so desperately crave. I don't have a plan, but I honestly don't care if I were to die tonight. I was recently diagnosed with adhd and it makes it so much harder. Please, someone help me, I don't want to leave my mom behind, but it's getting too hard to handle.


r/SuicideWatch • • 5h ago

Trans but too ugly to transition

9 Upvotes

I’m a trans guy. Yet I feel too ugly to transition.

I’m 163 cm tall and have a very feminine face. My hair is thin and my forehead is huge so any masculine-ish hair cuts I’ve had have made me look hideous. I wear make-up every day to hide my insecurities and to get at least some people to put up with me.

My hips are huge and binders/sports bras don’t flatten me enough. I’m chubby and losing 10kg within the past 6 months has barely changed my awful body. I still hate it more than anything.

Femininity is a cage I can’t escape from. I have to stay feminine enough for people to like me but to look masculine enough so I can live another day. (I wear a hoodie and sports bra every day and have a very short haircut to cope with dysphoria)

I’ve been bullied all my life by girls and guys. Every time I see any teenagers I want to die. Every time I see an attractive person online I want to die. I feel so inferior towards everyone.

I have two trans guy friends at school and I’m closeted. People at school really like them but they don’t like me. If I transition I’m afraid they’ll treat me worse and I’ll feel even more shit about myself.

I don’t deserve to be treated or seen as a guy. I don’t deserve to demand people to use my pronouns or a masculine name. I’m a genuine waste of oxygen.

I can’t live as a girl anymore. I want to die so badly.

I hate myself so much.

I’ve wanted to kill myself since I was 12. I hope I go through with it in two months. Right after Christmas so my family will suffer a bit less.


r/SuicideWatch • • 1h ago

I swear my cat knows

4 Upvotes

I was sitting on the floor with a gun, just loading and unloading it. I wasn't planning anything for tonight, but doing that just made me realize how easy it would be and how quick it would be over. And I was so tempted.

Then of course my cat came in and sat next to me, and started rubbing his head against me. And now I'm breaking down because if I left, he wouldn't understand. I would just be gone and he would be confused.

So I guess I'm here for another night thanks to the lil bugger. I just wish it didnt hurt so much


r/SuicideWatch • • 2h ago

Another day

5 Upvotes

Another day of my mother coming home and getting angry with me.

We’ve been fighting since yesterday when she came home and haven’t spoken since then.

But then she comes down into my room to “talk about yesterday”. All of our fights come from the samething every damn time and it always ends with “yeah im a horrible parent i guess and i do everything wrong and cant do anything right”.

Like omggggg shut the fuck up with your manipulation dude.

Never said you were a horrible parent but a good parent doesnt tell their child that they are like their abusers mother (her ex bestfriends son sexually abused me for a good while and then tried to r me when i was 12 and at 18 have only told her everything this year. They are no longer friends but she loves to rub that in my face how she did that for me), they don’t tell their child they’re going to beat them (especially out in public infront of people). Theres so much more but this past year ONLY those are the two things that pmo so much and her response was “back in my day every kid had been threatened to be beaten”. OKAY??!? AND LOOK FUCKED UP YOU ARE AS A PERSON?!? thats what you want?! like what?

she tells me to just move out and i dont care about her and everything else you can think of to take the blame off of yourself and put it onto someone else.

At this point I feel there is nothing to stay for.

She is helping me with university as she works at the university and i need her car to help me get to my new job so i can save up for my own car and I have no one to move out with so I am stuck in this horrible cycle at home.

If I could get out of this house I feel there might be a chance for me, but it would take me monthsss to maybe even a year for me to move out and I dont think I can handle that anymore. So many years of this shit and Im done talking to her after the fights cause its the same sentences every time “i guess im just a horrible mother” “yeah i cant do anything right” “of course you never do anything wrong and you’re always right” (btw have never implied i know more than others and am always right?? no one is ever always right??).

GOD I AM DONE.


r/SuicideWatch • • 1h ago

I Don't See Life Ever Getting Better Alone

3 Upvotes

I have tried for years to stay strong, to keep my head up. Like a lot of people, every so often a depressive episode pops up and rears its ugly head. For a long time it was maybe twice a year at most...but it steadily grew closer between episodes to the point it was every 3-4 weeks I was stuck in my own head thinking about how everything related to life was absolute crap.

I've posted once before elsewhere about my oddly cursed employment history...oddly enough this took a turn for improvement. I managed a job that paid well enough in combination with an apartment all expenses included at 1,200 a month...I not only can afford it I made back all the money I lost over a year of unemployment while also paying rent and food in like...6 months.

All that comes to my...quite literal crippling loneliness. I am a often forgotten person. I add people on socials...I never get a DM back. I make friends on Discord...I always start the conversation. I get the courage to ask a girl out...every answer that is not yes. Even some of the coworkers I've gotten close with I've only been out with once. Even after a chill time, good laughs and some shenanigans late into the night...havent been invited back out.

In the grand scheme of social circles ive never been the popular one and I was fine keeping the circles smaller...as long as I had my person to fall back on for a safe space. Which is unfortunate I find safe spaces in my partners cause they have all ended in bad ways. Friend zoned, Ghosted, Cheated On, Use Emotionally & Used Financially.

I know what its like to have a woman to call mine...it's waking up and sending a morning text hours before they were awake just to wait and be excited for when they wake up and respond. To always want to know how they are feeling. To always find a reason to chat with them all day. Being the guy they look to for comfort on bad days. Being the one that works their ass off so they can spoil the girl that makes them want to spend money on something other than food.

I know what its like to have the warmth of an intimate relationship...which is terrible because its been years since I've had a chance at one. The silence grew louder and louder as I met people already committed, already married, already having children. Hearing garbage men in relationships while I sleep alone every night.

More and more I craved that intimacy again while more and more I suffered in my head waiting for the right girl. Cut to a few weeks ago. Keep in mind I have been single for most of my working adult life at this point. I meet a girl in one of the discord servers I'm a part of. We chat in server a bit, then we start talking in DMs. Simple enough cordial conversation and once or twice playing a game over personal VC. After some time she starts messaging a lil more playful and a bit flirty. Nothing too far just poke the boundaries, she jokes about to a kiss to feel better when I was feeling a little sick and joked about needing body to cozy up to on a cold night.

She's fun, goofy, honest and even if she's not much of one for looks I never needed much in a girl. Regardless I feel an honest connection and I feel a little bit of hope for the first time in a while. It felt good, I had focus, It felt honest so I was letting it progress naturally. A little more flirty here and there and a little while later after a flirty message from me...she mentions she is going on a few dates with someone in her state soon...

Out of courtesy I ask if I should back off on the flirty talk...and yes she asks me to back off on that for now. After some awkward conversation about it all I try to just...face it head on, accept nothing is final, keep being friends cause things could go my way a lil bit in the future...

That is until my brain goes off the rails like it always does. I am just flooded with a loss of hope and heartbreak all together. A natural random meeting seemed like it was going my way, It was easy, I didn't fake some good version of myself I just existed and it seemed like someone liked me just for that...But still I wasn't chosen...it wasn't me...it's never me...over and over and over I can't get past that...I don't need much to be happy but life just doesn't even want to give me that little bit.

I lost my best friend to suicide, more and more of the people I want around for life...leave. I lose, I lose, I lose. I had someone to point all my attention to...the moment I think its working out, I can't talk with her without falling into depression. I was starting to have a safe space with someone...and it shattered. I had the first glimmer of hope for personal happiness in years...and it was ripped from me.

I wasn't in love with this girl by a longshot...but the first chance I had at that in a VERY long time...sent me so far down into the depths mentally I did the usual drive a little fast on risky roads...but I was seconds way from pulling over and calling the suicide hotline. I know what it does to those that bury you so I was never going to end up ending myself...but I truly do not see any way out of this hole.

Ive tried to hold out but I am failing. Ive tried looking, Ive tried waiting, Ive tried getting better on my own...I am failing even keeping functional. My loneliness is honestly ruining me and I have no hope left for the future to get better. I don't know what else I have to give. No one Ive talked to about this has said anything to relieve my pain. Ive tried to feel life is worth living...but life keeps making me feel subhuman.