I love they/them is the agreed upon gender neutral pronoun.

As an “it“ though, it always bothered me about the assumption that it is dehumanizing and also a neopronoun, thus requiring a learning curve for non-it/its people.

And yet, it/its is the default we assign to a human the moment before it gets an AGAB. In gender reveals and when the nurse Simba-style holds a newborn baby to the parent, they always say “it’s a girl” or “it’s a boy”.

The argument I can see here is that assigning the gender to a baby is thereby humanizing it, welcoming it into society and the species at large…but like…that’s fucked up. Then anyone you can’t place the gender of…defaults to being inhuman? You don’t have value till you get an AGAB? Gross!

I LOVE they/them. To the moon and back, but this notion that it/its is somehow never used for humans, thus is a neopronoun, thus ”too difficult to use” is fucking stupid because I watch EVERYONE use it ALL the time for humans! And you likely were an ”it” too, if your family spoke English when you were born.

So, for me and anyone else who likes this point, Imma start using it as a “erm, actually“ point in anti-it/its discussions.

Thanks everyone for reading,

sincerely,

Abject-Sample-1982, it/its

Edit: fixed wording that was exclusionary. I love all yall!

Does anyone have any genderless terms for aunt/uncle? I know the terms nibbling and pibling exist but I really don’t like either of those. So does anyone have any good alternatives?

So basically I’m a biological female and have lived as a girl my whole life. I’m completely happy living as a girl and being perceived as one, however I don’t always feel very connected to my own “girlhood”. Like I love being a part of a community of women and I feel connected to the overall experience of living as a girl in society, but personally I don’t really care what society sees me as most of the time. Additionally, if I was born a biological male (and had the exact same brain and soul), I don’t think I would feel gender disphoria or the need to transition, like I can totally picture my life living as a biological male and being fine with it. But at same time I don’t feel gender disphoria currently as a girl. As far as gender expression goes I like all styles whether masculine, feminine, or androgynous; kinda just depends on the day. And if I was wearing masculine clothing I wouldn’t care if someone thought I was a boy yk? It’s not necessarily that I’d be trying to present as a boy, I just wouldn’t really care either way. I hope I explained this well and if anyone relates I’d love to hear your experience! 😅

Rate them from 1 to ten

Hello, I am a butch lesbian (agender as well) and have been struggling with body dysphoria really bad recently. I am getting top surgery date scheduled, but of course it’ll be a year out. Now I’m even more aware about how much I hate my chest, and I can’t wear so many of my shirts. When I see myself in the mirror in shirts I love but can’t wear, I just get so down and can’t stop thinking about it for a long time. Wondering if any of you have tips for how to snap out of the never ending black hole?

i love yall '

sincerely, a black agender

There are toys, books, movies and hobbies that society thinks are for boys/men. And there are ones that were for girls/women. And there are some gender neutral things too.

I enjoy some things that are stereotypically female and some that are stereotypically male.

I am AFAB and only recently learned about agender. Growing up, I had not even heard of non binary. (I am 58.) My mom gave me a hard time about my masculine coded hobbies. But it felt like if I gave them up I would lose something very important. Something more than just my hobbies, but I could not put a finger on it. But maybe agender was the thing I would be giving up (despite not having a framework to even understand it at the time).

I feel Ike I am very gender apathetic. So I don't have strong feeling about being agender, but maybe little hints here and there.

I know anyone can like things for both genders. But is this more common for people who are agender or non binary.

Erkek mi dişi mi ?
İs it male or female

I finally told my mom that my ED is mainly caused by gender dysphoria. I was born female, but I’ve never felt like a girl or a boy or really cared but i still don't like people calling me a girl (it's funny and weird) but wtv ig. When I was severely underweight I liked looking more masculine/androgynous—my cheekbones were more prominent. I’m still underweight, just not as severely. I know that’s not a healthy way to cope, but that’s what was going on.

My mom wasn’t mad and wants to help, but she’s very “logical.” Her conclusion was that I need to accept I was born female and fix my relationship with myself or atleast pick if I'm either a girl (wich she says I am anyway and can't change that) or a boy (wich she says I couldn't be anyways) She also said I’m like this because I have no personality / haven’t found myself and that Ive always been a pushover and have no sense of self...(damn mom)

I didn’t expect her to use any particular label or pronouns for me. I just wanted her to understand what’s behind the ED. I guess I’m posting because I feel dismissed, and I don’t know how to explain it to her.

It has hit me back in Elementary School that I would say that “I am Neuter.” in Elementary School, going into Middle School, I was faced with bullying when I say that “I am a Neuter.” and got called slurs used towards Queer Men. So I accepted Manhood.

It has been quite a while and I hate being a Man. That I have come to terms with being Genderless. Hi y’all?

The answer is literally always yes, because agender doesn’t have a certain look, so *everyone* who is agender looks agender.

Kinda annoying to see so many of this type of post over and over, it’s really pointless tbh, no offense, but what’s the point? It just accidentally tries to reinforce gender norms for our genderlessness…

Hi! I’m newly out as agender, and while I didn’t think I was super dysphoric before regarding femininity/masculinity, but there have been some instances where I just !! Felt SO good. (For example, my partner called me ‘girl’ and then went ‘oh not girl!! Not girl’ and I was just :)) I don’t mind being called a girl, I don’t feel it genders me, but the inclusion of ‘not’ as an acknowledgement just made me feel, so euphoric and understood.

I’m curious to hear what other things make agender/genderless folks feel that way!

To those of you that have changed your name, did anyone else feel like you had to mourn your deadname? Like I adored mine before I knew anything about gender and my lack of, I just don't like when it's attached to me anymore. But at the same time, I feel like in a perfect world I'd still be okay with it as my name yk?

But the fact of the matter is I'm not, despite my OCD constantly trying to tell me I am and that I'll regret my name change. I mean hell, I could always change it back so it's not too deep, but I highly doubt that. Just kinda sucks in a bizarre way if that makes sense at all.

Hi all,

Im wondering if anyone has any thoughts or advice on testosterone replacement therapy. I have a more feminine figure and identify as agender. I dont want to be a man or a woman or non binary. But I would like to look more masculine with like my bone structure and weight distribution. Has anyone tried like a low dose testosterone to help with dysphoria? Or if you have any additional advice I would love to hear that. Thank you for your help.

I have this problem where I'm never satisfied with myself. Whenever I see a cute or attractive person (whether male or female), I want to look like that, I want to be like that. But somehow, my ideal of what I want to be keeps changing all the time. I don't have a goal to work toward, and I can't discover my own style or look because my constantly changing ideals sometimes even contradict each other. And I just have no idea how I'm supposed to feel comfortable with the way I look "^^

i use any/all but i fear i look too feminine to be agender

(pic is really old i have black hair now)

I don’t get body dysmorphia or anything like that. I posted this curious to how i look to outside people. In the future i do plan to get top surgery just because I hate the feeling of a chest rather than the look. Or maybe a large reduction. The last photo i had slightly longer hair to like my jaw.

The book focuses on these identities, the discrimination we face, history and personal stories from those in the community

I rarely ever take selfies but I was definitely feeling like taking a little picture 🙂‍↕️

Hello, so I asked my United States History teacher if I could make a few slides for agender Pride day for her to show to the class and she said yes. So I wanted to ask you all a few questions.

How would you describe your experience of being agender?

What's your reaction to people forgetting agender when telling people what the A in LGBTQIAA+2 means?

How do you feel about being agender

ahhhh i don't want this to become this whole big rant because, truly, all i want to do is uplift people and make people feel happy and loved, and i believe in visibility and taking up space and living by one's virtues and all that good stuff, but like... man, i DO NOT like who i am or how i show up in this world, unfortunately. :')

i want to be open. i want to live as a genderless person, in a way that makes other people feel comfortable living as a genderless person or as a person of their own gender, too. i want all bodies to be appreciated and respected, and everyone to be loved for who they are, not how they look or what they can do for this capitalist hellscape. i love people so, so deeply; i'm so incredibly fascinated by the human experience, and how diverse it is. <3

so it's incredibly jarring to me that i'm just... not a person to other people, and it's because of my body.

for context (idk if this context actually matters, but just in case): i'm autistic, and i don't feel a sense of gender. i'm asexual as well, and don't feel a sense of attraction to people's bodies, but i do have a very strong sense of aesthetics and believe the human body in all its forms and iterations is genuinely a work of art, and that it's so incredible how different we can all look. i have genuinely never found another human being to be ugly, or to look "unusual", or have never found something to be "wrong" with another person's body (although i used to work in healthcare, so take this with a grain of salt; obvi, whenever i saw someone bleeding out or something, i was like "!!! that is wrong!!!"). but i have never encountered a person whose body was so particular or "extreme" in some way that it overrides my belief that they are a multidimensional human being; i don't even understand how that would even work.

i, myself, run on estrogen, and was born that way, and not to stereotype, but it is very very obvious when you look at me: big hips, big thighs, big butt. i've struggled against this body my entire life; even as a skinnier kid, it never felt like home to me, i've always felt awkward just being in a body and being perceived by others, and i've always been dissociated. i didn't know other people genuinely experienced gender - i didn't even know assigned sex was real until high school. i've always been clumsy. i used to starve myself following a series of violent body-based attacks, and also in part because i felt like i wasn't allowed to be genderless in such a curvy body; i've since recovered, but the way people treat this body has remained, and only gotten worse with time.

i don't want my body to matter to other people, but they treat me like there's not even a person in here, this is just a soft, cushy form used for pleasure. i don't think my weight or build should matter to people, and i want to think i'm more complex than just the "puzzle" of "them boobs should match them hips but they don't", but apparently i'm not. i work in a warehouse now; the other day, i stepped on a wooden pallet and broke it, which my boss found endlessly hilarious, and it brought my whole world crashing down. i really thought i'd escaped just being a body in the workplace, i thought maybe healthcare was just weird and an impossible place to be genderless because everyone there had studied anatomy without doing the necessary internal work to divorce their understanding of secondary sexual characteristics from gender. but i guess not; i'm just a collection of hyper-sexed features and, because of the way they're put together, i'm not human. i'm just here to touch, or fuck, or harm, or laugh at, because some parts are larger and some parts are smaller and, if i was really a person, i'd at least offer the viewer the dignity of making sure those parts matched and were in accordance with rules i don't even believe in, and gender roles i don't think anyone should be held to.

i feel like my body is holding me back, and i feel like the expectation that it change is also holding me back. is it really such a tall ask to ask to be agender in a short, curvy body? it's just so bizarre to me that any variation of the human body can make the human inside the body less... human to others. will i really never be a person?