I’m 14 weeks pregnant. This is my first pregnancy. It wasn’t planned. The father is a friend who I’ve had sex with occasionally. We get along great and are compatible sexually but I don’t think we’re necessarily meant to be in a relationship.

After finding out I was pregnant, we did a lot of talking and thinking about it and decided to have the baby and co-parent. We’ve become pretty happy about it, actually. It’s definitely not how either of us envisioned becoming parents but we’ve both decided we want the baby.

We’ve told our friends and families over the past 1.5 weeks or so. Most think it’s a bad decision. Some people are supportive, but I’d say that most of the people I’m closest to, like my immediate family, aren’t quite on board with the idea yet.

My family thinks I’ll be left alone with a baby once he finds somebody he wants to settle down with. He has t really been the settling down type up to now. He’s very loyal to friends and family and those who are important to him, so I don’t question him committing to a child. He’s just not been ready to settle down with one woman for very long yet.

He and I are 5 years apart. I’ll be 39 by the time the baby is here and he’ll be 34. I think a lot of people mistake his very free spirited attitude toward life as immaturity, and he tends to sort of just jump head first into everything, is the type to say yes to things way more than no. He just does what he wants and doesn’t care so much about what others expect of him. I love that about him. I want my child to be more like that than like me. I’m somebody who always makes decisions based on what’s expected or what will cause the least amount of drama. He can be responsible. He has 2 degrees. He can be serious when he needs to be.

His family seems to think I have some sort of ulterior motive, plus why would he want to have a baby with me, a woman who is nearly 40?

We think it’ll be a good thing. Each of us have important qualities we want in another parent for a potential child. We’ve talked about it. There’s no drama between us.

We’ll continue to maintain separate homes, although he’ll stay with me for a while immediately after the baby is born so he can be fully involved.

I know it’s unconventional. I always thought I’d have a baby within a committed relationship, likely a marriage. I’ve never felt certain about having a baby with any man I’ve ever been in a real committed relationship with, but I feel good about this now.

He’s much less bothered by everyone’s opinions. Of course he’d like his family to be completely on board, but he’s not about to let their opinions change his mind.

I know having a baby is a huge decision, and I’m not pretending that being friends automatically makes us good co-parents or that this will all be easy.

I do think the lines of our relationship have started to become more blurry though. I feel
like I am sometimes thinking of him as being more than a co-parent. I’m not saying I think I’m in love with him. I mean it more like I think I’m starting to depend on him and treat him like he’s more than a friend and co-parent. We continue to have sex, more now than before. For the health and safety of the baby, we are not having sex with others during the pregnancy.

I think maybe we need to have something ground rules or an agreement on expectations of how this will all work moving forward to prevent it from getting messy. I’m finally starting to realize it might not be as simple as I thought it would be, but I also think we’re not about to back out of our decision either.

How do we create a stable co-parenting arrangement when we plan to live separately but expect to share a lot of emotional and practical responsibility?

I met my best friend about 3 years ago.

I couldn’t possibly fault how much of an amazing man he is. He clearly cares for me and actively contributes towards my wellbeing. I needed a 4th housemate to fill a room, and I asked him if he would join. We were already hanging out multiple times a week, getting food together, studying, etc. He lived near me. He said yes.

Fast forward to now. We live together and have been for a year. He’ll buy me medication if I’m sick, help me with tasks if I’m unable to do them, cook me dinner when I’m too tired. He drove 5 hours total with me to help me get a new car. I always just thought this was best friend activities. I even expressed how we would have been great together if “only we were attracted to each other like that”. He is very emotionally intelligent and I admire his ability to listen and care for others. I feel completely comfortable with him and can confide in him with anything. He would never judge me. I met his family a few months ago and we spent 2 weeks doing activities with them, etc.

I’ve been in a lot of abusive relationships and I feel as though my best friend challenges all of my fear around men. He would never coerce me and he always listens when I explain to him that he needs to do something better, etc.

Now, I have a boyfriend. I’ve been on and off with my boyfriend for years and years. Well, we’re currently on. I already came to the conclusion that I have outgrown him but I’m a deeply sentimental person who takes time to feel confident in making huge changes. My best friend has never indicated there was anything between us and actually likes my current boyfriend compared to some of my past choices.

My best friend and I were hanging out one night, and he was helping me complete an assignment. We were watching something together whilst taking a short break, and for the first time, we slightly cuddled. I would cuddle my other friends so this was completely normal to me. The feeling, however, was not. It felt like a final puzzle piece slot into place.

The next day, I talked to him about the cuddles and said it couldn’t happen again. It was a level of intimacy I didn’t feel comfortable with when I have a boyfriend. I also told him that it made me feel very confused about my feelings for him.

The whole rest of the day I was in shock. I couldn’t understand what was happening. I felt as though I had been hit by a truck and had the realisation that I had basically been dating my best friend for the last year. I realised that my current relationship with my boyfriend was only able to last this long because my best friend fulfils all of my emotional needs, so I can withstand having a shitty relationship with someone who doesn’t.

I realised that I was in love with my best friend. It didn’t even feel weird to come to that conclusion. It felt like it had been waiting there for me to discover it. It genuinely felt as though it had slapped me in the face but that it was undeniably true.

I had this realisation whilst walking with my best friend to discuss what had happened when we cuddled. I literally turned to him and said, “am I fucking in love with you?”. He looked at me and nodded and said he felt the same way. It felt completely natural. I am incredibly ashamed that this has happened whilst I’m in a relationship, but I also have the capacity to reflect and acknowledge that I was not willingly falling in love with my best friend. It just happened. And by the time it happened , it was too late to do anything.

My best friend and I have had multiple conversations over the last week about this. Nothing physical has happened between us again as that would be utterly disrespectful and wrong to my boyfriend, who isn’t a bad person, but just isn’t the person for me. I told my best friend I need time to be logical about this, and that I need him to be my best friend who is there for me when I break up with my boyfriend. I am aware our platonic relationship is dead and will never go back to being the same again.

I’m not even sure of my sexual attraction to my best friend as I’ve never perceived him in this way before. He challenges my “typical” boyfriend look, but I think he challenges it in a way that is emblematic of my emotional growth. It is clear to me now that it is so much more important to have my needs met emotionally than to have insane sexual chemistry with someone and subpar emotional intimacy. I do feel like I want to kiss my best friend all the time. We have clear boundaries in place to not let anything happen between us for the time being until I’m in a position where I can do that freely and without guilt (or a boyfriend).

I just needed to talk to the void about this, as I can’t tell my friends IRL. They all know my best friend or are also incredibly good friends with him. I am sad that my relationship with my best friend is fundamentally altered forever, but I also recognise that this probably would have ended in one of us developing feelings for the other either way, given our emotional intimacy with each other and how vulnerable we are with one another. I am very surprised that I was literally struck out of nowhere with this realisation of love for my best friend. The seriousness of this situation is not lost on me, and I almost feel too young to be dealing with something of this gravity.

TL;DR! I randomly realised that I’m in love with my best friend and I don’t want to lose him. And we live together. And I have a boyfriend. And it feels like it isn’t real.

Any thoughts on this situation would be reassuring and welcomed. Thanks for reading,

In the last few years there are long periods of peace and quiet and then something dramatic happens, which by now is clear pattern to me... And it happened again, only this time it was very extreme as we were already planning our wedding, when to have kids, where to move next year, etc.

Recently I had my 28th birthday. I invited my gf(with whom I have been together for 10 years) to my mom's apartment to celebrate. And at first it all went well. At some point my gf stood up, said she had "problems" and that she needed to go. WE begged her to stay, but she refused. I tried to ask her multiple times what had happened, etc, but it didnt work - instead she just spoke to me with an angry tone.

Fast forward 1 week later I land in this foreign country we both live in. She meets me at the airport and tells me immediately that we aren't together anymore, that she gave her notice for her work and the apartment we live in(we have 2 separate contracts as it is divided in two) and that one month from now she is going back to our hometown to live with her parents(we were planning to move back to our hometown to live together from early 2027 - even though she claims she doesn't remember...). I can understand ending a relationship normally, but not the way she did it. I asked her for a reason, because it all started since my birthday party and why we didn't even have a conversation about this. The reason is that my mother called her a "guest" two times and that the dogs are more playful than usual when it is just me and my mom, because there is another person there. "Calling me a guest is one of the worst things she could have said about me"??? I told her that she didn't mean it this way and that I myself am a guest. She also spoke to her mom, who told her to leave her job, apartment and me out of the blue to live with her...

Since 2022 she has had these mentally unstable moments. I helped her because I knew that after that she would come back and even if she had broken up with me, I knew it wasn't really... her. And that happened after about one month. But then it happened again in 2025. I again told myself, full of hope, that this too shall pass and we will be better prepared next time. And it did... again after about one month. But now it happens again and is more extreme. I again saw the signs of very little sleep and being tired all the time. The last two days it has gotten even worse as she has started doing strange stuff like clearing the apartment from evil spirits and energies, changing stories from the past to fit her narrative. I am doing my best to help her reduce her stress so she can hopefully sleep better.

But I need advice on how to get over this. I need to take care of me. Any similar experiences you can share with me or any steps you can suggest? It hurts a lot, because of the way and why she broke up with me. I know if she approaches me again whenever she is normal it will be hard for me to say no, but I guess this will be the best for me in the long-term. I just need to accept that despite my best efforts (and I feel like I have done much more than is expected of me) it just cannot work out in the long run. My brain says that it is a cycle, which will repeat and I have already done evreything I could and need to move on.

I don’t want to ramble on, but I’m not sure how else to go about this for the reader to get the full nuances without being too specific.

Husband (36M) and I (25F) met around the time I was 22, fresh out of an abusive relationship. (Less than two weeks post breaking up/ blocking my ex). We fell in love very quickly, and got engaged and married/ lived together by the end of year 2.

The problem arises in the fact that he is repeating the same mistakes as he made with his first wife, whom he “amicably” divorced with (she sought for divorce, he did not agree.)

Except for managing our incomes/ bills, I take care of everything else.

I had a breakdown eventually, working a full time job and taking care of full grown man, and things got better.

The problem herein lies that I let it go too far, and harbor too much resentment…

He is not the man I met. Or at least, I ignored all the red flags.

My main fear is this:
I don’t love him.
Yes, he gets better, and yes, he loads the dishwasher when I am literally at my breaking point. But I still have all these feelings, and I don’t know where to put them. I feel evil, I feel like i haven’t tried hard enough. I also feel lonely, and have been carrying this burden alone. We talked about it, and the conclusion was that I should communicate more and better than I have previously. (That is true, I have held things in too long)

But how to I walk these feelings back? How do we go back??

We’ve had a dead bedroom since before we married, but got significantly worse after. I often feel unwanted. The solution for that was for me to initiate, as the one who survived an abusive relationship…

I don’t think his incompetence is malicious. I don’t think he doesn’t want me- I just think I denied him too many times in my healing that he just can’t stand to be rejected, and thus doesn’t initiate. I make him feel good when he asks, and that is the extent of our sexual relationship unless we’re both drunk.

I defend him all day, and I curse him all day too. It’s been a war I’ve been fighting with myself- and I just feel like he keeps putting the responsibility on solely me to fix it. And it’s unfair..

TL;DR: Through his severe dependence on me, I have held in resentment towards my husband, which has corroded my feelings/ our marriage. My question is: how do we fix this? Can this be fixed? Should we get counseling involved? Etc, etc.

I am rushing to write all my feelings of years down before I have to be home- so sorry about any confusion.

Me (30F) and my partner (29M) have been dating for about a year. In that time, it has been a stressful year on both of us and we were doing long distance from Nov until September (him living an hour away, seeing me on the weekends, extra days, then him leaving over the summer on his internship and flying up a couple of times to visit me).

The sex at first was phenomenal. He was so caring, passionate, and felt loving. Even if I talked about sex with him he would correct me that it was more love-making thsn just sex (sorry if TMI lol), clearly there was a connection. We would do some wild stuff, and he would always finish and made sure I finished quickly, too.

Since coming back home, we ended up moving in together about an hour away. Even on his couple of summer visits I noticed he either didn't want to have sex with me, or couldn't stay hard with me, and I questioned him about it. He told me many years ago he had a messed up surgery in the military near his genitals and said it 'messed him up,' which I assumed means he has ED. When we had great sex, he had cock rings and was taking these things called honey packs?

Now, I can hardly get him to kiss me. I am lucky if we have sex once a week and, if we do, he goes soft with me. But what's weird is that any time he jerks off, he can finish himself off just fine in under a minute. I am not new to sex or anything, and don't consider myself bad in bed or unsexy by any means. But I have voiced to him several times that it makes me feel less desirable knowing that I can't finish him off anymore like I used to, and he would rather jerk off than have me do anything at all. I'm just like something to look st now while he does it alone instead, which takes away all romance and connection for me. It's hard being in the middle of something that feels phenomenal to me, only to have to abruptly stop because he went soft. I feel kind of shameful, and it makes me wonder that maybe it would be different if I had more of a pornstar body, or knew how to do like hotter moves. Every time we try something new, I enjoy it, but then he goes soft again.

Are there any tips you guys can give me? Is it maybe something about my appearance, or maybe I'm not trying enough different things with him? I am always super into it, and also may think that maybe me being too into it turns him off or something. We've talked about it, but it's always the same answer. Yet I'm getting a different outcome than months ago?

Sorry if this sounds stupid. I really adore him and just want help. I might be overthinking things, but sex is a really important connection to me, and I feel less valued to him now.

EDITED TO ADD because I was embarrassed to say: I am also 14 weeks pregnant with his child. The idea of us being sexually incompatible now sounds terrifying. I would if possible rather find solutions for this.

TL;DR My partner of 3 years almost left me today and went to his mother's because he is tired of me. My mental health has taken a toll.

My boyfriend and I have been together 3+ years. We started dating at a very weird time in my life, when I was going through a very transitional period, and I'd lost every single one of my friends. I found him at the end of my dark tunnel, and he always makes me laugh.

I've always been the most independent one in our relationship. I found us this apartment, I bought all of the furniture by myself, storage, etc, and we have 2 dogs together.
I think me being the breadwinner has him feeling insecure. He's admitted to this.

Lately, my dog Nito has been going through surgery recovery from a broken leg. He needs cage rest and confined spaces, so we're always having to clean his cage and watch him.

My boyfriend has become SUPER anal and controlling since we moved in together, though. He has been on my ass about every little thing. He has been yelling at me every day over my sleep patterns. I usually stay up late and wake up late because I WFH and I'm self-employed, so I make my own schedule, and I'm keen to staying up late to draw (work) because nighttime is when I can get the most done.

But this has made him pissed constantly. He said he needs me to be awake in the mornings to watch the dogs. But at the same time, he'll tell me that he'll watch the dogs in the mornings on weekends. So then I'll sleep in on the weekends. Then he gets mad when I sleep in on the weekends.

We got in an argument again today over this, but it was different this time. He got really silent and calmly said he was going to see if he can get off of the lease and leave. I said "Are you leaving me?" And he said "I think so."
He said he was really angry that I never listen to anyone but myself. He brought up the fact that I wasn't adhering to the schedule he wanted me to be on, plus the fact that I bought way too many apartment things in the beginning despite my parents telling me not to (to avoid too heavy lifting during move-in day)

He listed these as reasons not to be with me because I was too selfish. He said "Maybe this is why all of your friends leave you. Why everybody leaves you. And now you've lost me and I was the only thing you had left."

And him saying those things is not the first time. He's always said in arguments, "If you keep doing this I'll just leave one day and you'll be all alone."

I had to explain to him that he can't just leave the apartment, he's on the lease. He then said we'll just be roommates, then.

He was extremely cold and stoic. We eventually talked more later and he became apologetic and cried a lot, and he said he'll try to seek therapy to not be so harsh anymore.

But I don't know. I am relieved he's shown he cares, but I'm heartbroken. He truly made me feel like I was being deserted and abandoned. He truly almost walked out on me then just changed his mind.

Am I really so worthless and messy?

EDIT: Wow I really didn't expect this much attention on my post.
It's a messy situation because i can definitely give in to the toxicity myself. I get rude back, I cuss at him when an argument is instigated because I feel 100% on the defensive..

I'm not sure what I'm going to do because I can't afford the apartment on my own, and I can't help but love him despite the bad treatment I'm receiving.

I hope as time goes on I can figure out what it is I really need and move forward with it. Right now I lack strength, confidence and security to just kick him to the curb. I don't know what I'll do.

Thank you so much everyone who has shared support and good advice. I will take everything to heart.

So we have been together for 13 years, married for 8. I know relationships have ups and downs, but lately I have noticed that my love for my husband is dying and I'm not sure how to fix it...

For context: I'm diagnosed with PTSD. I was in therapy and on medication for about 5 years. I stopped both due to financial reasons, and this month marks a year without it.

I had switched from a full time job working 60 hours a week to one where my pay goes up every 3-4 months. We spoke and he went back to full time at his job. He lost of job a couple months later due to perpetual tardiness, and I started my part time jobs again in addition to my main job to keep us afloat.

While he was searching for a new job, I saw him happier because he could focus on his hobbies, saddier as he coped with alcohol, and I got to hear the empty promises of what he planned to do in the future. He did get a new job and we're financially fine.

This year, I've started an independence journey. I've been working out more, losing weight, doing things around the house without help, volunteering, etc. My personality and interests have changed significantly.

I no longer need my husband. He was so supportive during my depression cycles, but they are becoming infrequent after I cut my mother out.

He has noticed the shift from me being clingy and kinda codependent over to who I am now. He's been making snide comments here and there... I think from his insecurity.

"Who are you getting hot for?" When I go on walks without him, he asks who I'm cheating on him with. It's 15 minutes, I'm not running to a lover's house and back.

I'm trying to keep seeing him as a good partner, but everytime he says he'll do something and doesn't, I internally started noting it. From "I'll do the dishes" but he goes to the gym instead. He waits until something is unavoidable to fix it. Like our car battery needing to be replaced. He waited a month to do it. So I was carless and stuck at home. He gets my car working and breaks his car key... so we have only one car again.

It's like he doesn't trust me anymore. He doesn't like me alone since losing 30 lb.

He's gotten short tempered with my sadness spirals. When I tell him something happy, he pokes holes in it. Makes me not want to talk to him at all.

I've been trying to be happier with him, but I've been making my own snide comments about his wreckless driving and conspiracy theories.

I told him I want to go to couple's counseling because I don't feel right with him any more, and he's taking it like I'm asking to split up. How can I talk him into going to therapy with me?

I've been crying every day for weeks. I miss being close to him. Like we still have sex 3 times a week. We still take care of each other. But I feel physically empty. I feel more like a broken toy than a partner.

And i feel so guilty about this, but I truly think I'd be happier living alone in an apartment with my cats than staying married to him another 50 years...

We are both new to the team, she joined a few weeks before I did. There was no intention in my end to hit on her, I just wanted to be friendly with everyone in the workplace, it just so happened that she was one of the ones that I vibed with the best. As time progressed, I started to see her as someone that I can date and I believe the feeling is mutual (her hints aren’t that subtle lol). I won’t be staying at this job forever and neither is she, so my initial plan was to ride it out and keep a safe distance until one of us decides to leave. Once we aren’t on the same company and team anymore I’d then ask her out if I’m still interested at that point.

Lately though it feels like its been harder to keep that safe distance. I feel like she’s been crossing the line and being more than a friendly colleague and honestly I am not doing the best job of resisting (partly cz I dont rly want to). Dating in the workplace seems like a polarizing topic and I don’t want to make this a discussion of that, so I’ll just say that this is a can of worms that I do not want to open, I am not entertaining dating in the workplace. As long as we work together, we cannot be together because this is a boundary I am not comfortable crossing. I do like her and if one of us leaves then I’ll ask her out, but only till then.

How do I have this conversation with her? I do not want to hurt her feelings or sound like I’m leading her on. I feel like I have to let her know that the feeling is mutual because if not that’ll hurt her feelings (and I wont be completely honest if I keep that), but at the same time I don’t want to end up leading her on or have her hoping that it happens in the future if I tell her that the feeling is mutual.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years, and we both mutually want to find a new place together. This part might sound silly, but part of me is hesitant because of how much stuff and clutter she has in her apartment. I’m worried she’s going to bring all of it into our apartment if we find a place together.

It’s not all pointless stuff, but there are just so many knickknacks, pieces of merchandise, and so many other things that I can’t even begin to list. People of reddit… trust me… it’s like… bad.

I love the idea of renting a two-bedroom apartment so we could each have our own bedroom, while still sleeping in the same bed together at night. Maybe alternating between rooms or something? But I think suggesting that might make her worry that it’s going to stay that way forever.

I don’t want to just say, “You need to throw away your stuff,” because to her, it isn’t pointless stuff, and she’s rightfully entitled to keep it. I’d love some advice on what the heck I should say.

TLDR: Want to move in with girlfriend but I’m worried she’ll bring her endless pile of clutter with her.

I am a late child of two parents who formed a relationship out of rush rather than wanting the relationship. I was born when my dad was 44 and my mom was 36. Thank god I have a brother my age who helps my mom and we can share our resentment to our parents. My mom switched countries to marry my dad and after 30 years she did not learn a language of the country she is living in My mom hasn't work a day after she got married to my dad, all finances were solved by dad.. My dad is a huge liar who has started gambling with his businesses, took out a loan against the house and lost all the money. When I was 15 we were kicked out of our home and started renting some small places and living poorly. My grandma (from mom's side) sold her expensive house and bought 2 flats for the family. Long story short my mom and grandma are also getting kicked out of their homes because of long and tiring 10 years of courts it was dedided that both flats should cover the debts my dad has. Me and my brother do not own our own places, we are renting, our family has 0 property.

I became my grandma's legal guardian in order to win some time in court and put some stress out of her. Also my grandma is considered disabled and has lots of ilnesses. And now when my mom and grandma are on the verge of getting kicked out and i need to spend time writing to legal institutions to give them them some place to live in, I need to continue dealing with lawyers, looking for rent possibilities and most likely bear some financial burden after we start renting.

Now the main twist to this story is not the financial burden or legal actions I need to take. The main twist is that I resent my mom, because she has always emotionally neglected me, she never asks any questions about me, she hates the whole world, she is very negative, she hates her own mom, she calls my grandma ugly every single day, she laughts of the way my grandma moves, she humiliates my grandma and tells that her grandkids hate her, which is obviously not true, we love our grandma with my brother. But I got tired of telling my grandma that it is not true, I got tired telling by grandma that I love her, I got tired of my grandma apologizing for calling me, I got tired of my grandma being bullied every single day, but I can not stop my mom putting blame for all the world's problems on my grandma. I can not call police on my mom and I can not use physical strength on my mom to stop my grandma of being bulied every single day.

Recently I stopped answering phone calls of my mom and grandma, I don't want to hear anything from them, just seing their names calling me makes me feel sick and weak, I can not concentrate on work and I also have worst possible relationships with people around me now. My grandma doesn't deserve to be in this position, I am ashamed of myself for turning my back on my mom and grandma, and I know that in a few days I will start making calls to lawyers and helping my family I just feel like I was put in an emotional prison where I will feel shame every single day.

My wife and I have been together for over 7 years now and just got married this past March. We are both online nerds and have a huge friend group online. Her and her friend (I will refer to her as Roni) have had a sisterly-like friendship ever since the pair have attached themselves to the characters Jinx and Vi from Arcane. The two are really close and always game together or just generally hangout.

While I was okay with this considering I have slightly different interests and always thought it was just a roleplay scenario (we all like to write online), I can't help but feel like their relationship is just a bit strange to me the more I witness it.

To give a bit of background before I move on, my wife and I are currently staying in an apartment without another married couple who took us in and are family friends of my wife for the past 10+ years. We have a spare bedroom that we were originally going to make into a guest room for family and friends that visit.

We reached out to Roni to room with us to get her away from her abusive parents and to further her career after graduating college. After she graduated, she moved in with us and it was great. But the longer she has been with us physically, it includes her often coming into my wife and I's room either to hang out (which is fine) or to cuddle my wife and sleep in our bed when I'm at my computer (which is also in our bedroom). At first I was okay with it because she had recently come from a really bad situation with her family. But it's been 5-6 months now and it just feels weird to me.

Whenever we go out, Roni's always clinging to my wife by holding her arm or just being near her, and whenever I hold my wife's hand I always get this gut feeling that people might think we're a poly couple. Roni often refers to my wife as "sis" or outright says to people that they're sisters and the two still do their roleplaying in person to each other which is starting to feel a bit uncomfortable for me, personally.

I tried to talk to my wife about it privately but she just told me that she doesn't know what else to do and that "this is how my friends and i just show we care for each other". And it makes me feel bad for thinking anything else.

I know Roni doesn't have any romantic feelings towards my wife, but it just feels weird especially when we're in public that they end up looking more like a couple and my wife and I. Not even my wife's blood sister is like this and their relationship is almost the same between Roni and her.

I'm just not sure on what to do or if I can even do anything without coming off as a jerk. :/

I am posting this on a throwaway because some people have access to my main reddit username.. I am 24, my ex is 30 I believe. maybe 31. We dated for about 3 months. Obviously he is older, so i'm not ignoring the idea that maybe he just thinks differently because he is older than me.

anyways, the issue is that, during our 3 month relationship like 8 months ago, he kept asking to sleep together but i was not ready. he kept pushing for it, maybe for the same reason that he always says he thinks i am "playing with him." like, playing games. i said tonight (because he reached out to me 12 days ago, 6 months after i left the job we shared and maybe 9 months after we dated. timeline is a bit fuzzy, sorry. I said a bit irritated, that I was not playing with him and its unfair of him to act like i was playing games with him and his feelings when the truth is, i was just not ready for or comfortable with what he wanted from me at that time. he also said tonight on call, was saying sexual stuff. again, i did not want to turn on my camera to my face or anything else he was asking for.

let me be honest. I am not at the size I want to be at, and despite efforts my attempts to reach it have not worked out. I'm quite far away from my ideal weight, i am plus size. I have been trying for a while but I struggle with an ED so its not easy. I told him today (closest ive ever been to being honest about why I didnt sleep with him or anyone yet in my life) that the reason i dont want to pick up the call is bc i look crazy, my hair is a mess and i have no makeup on.

he said I am beautiful and dont need makeup. I said i look crazy. he said it again and that guys dont need makeup referring to himself but saying i dont either. I think the problem is, he does not get the depth of my insecurity, lol. He said "if we get together again will you not be too shy to sleep with me?" the way I see myself, i am 'not ready to be seen.' im not at the weight I want to be yet, I have been struggling with an ED since i was 14 years old. over 10 years now. I am literally not skinny. I am i think, 238 lbs right now? like 5'9.

I think, if i were to let anyone see me at this size for my first time with someone I would feel like a failiure. because, I have been trying to lose weight for so long and it doesn't work. I just binge and then puke sometimes. and then cycle between that, extended water fasting, drinking alot of alc and eating whatever i want, etc, on and on. I have binged for months on end, done multiple 10-14 day water fasts, purged for weeks, tried a healthy diet but been unable to stick to it...

I do like him alot, but I don't know how to give him what he wants from me. we wanted the same things at one point, to be together and get married and have kids. I want a family of my own. but my hatred for my own body has extended for years that I don't know how to move past it. Literally just cry about it but I can't fix it.

Everything I couldve had with him was everything I wanted for myself in life by age 25, and my birthday is next month. I will turn 25 and I am failing. And it feels unfair, like pressure from him, to want what he wants from me when I know im not comfortable enough to give it. I think maybe I have been insecure about my body for so long that I don't know how to move past it without losing weight. So i just stay inside my apartment, I binge, puke sometimes, fast, drink, and refuse to let anyone see me. What can I even do. I couldve had the life I wanted with him. I feel really sad about it but I don't think I can fix how i feel without losing weight but im so sick of trying its making me depressed. Sorry for my shitty grammar if its kind of bad, im drinking rn. Also had to post this on a throwaway acc bc it told me to, idk

Hi, I live in a house with three guy roommates, and a few houses down, a group of girls live, including a girl I've gotten close with. We all hang out in a big friend group.

I’ve started to catch feelings for this girl over the last week and a half or so. Last weekend we went out and got drunk, flirted a lot, holding hands, grabbing arms. A couple days later we were studying together and she asked if I remembered that night, and we both agreed we had fun. Next day (today), I asked if she wanted to grab food after class, she said yes.

Right before dinner, we talked in the car. She said we should address this, and I basically said, "Yes, this is a date." Don’t know why I was so upfront about that but anyways, we both agreed we were nervous because we don't want to make things messy with our roommates and agreed to just see where it goes for now.

She asked how long I'd had feelings for her. For some dumb reason, I panicked and lied, saying I'd liked her for a few weeks/months, assuming that she had like me longer, and I didn’t want to make her feel weird.

Her reaction instantly made me regret it. She said, "Oh, that makes me a little scared, because I only realized I liked you last week." She explained she was worried about the pressure.

I tried to backtrack and truthfully said there's zero pressure, and she agreed we're on the same page, but the rest of dinner I couldn’t help but feel weird, like there was this pressure we were both feeling. It ended well, we started to open back up as time went on. I really think we were both just nervous but I’ve been thinking about it a lot.

I want to talk to her, clear up to my nervous panic, and tell her the truth (that I started catching feelings about a week and a half ago, just like her) so there's no weird pressure. I truly didn’t mean to be all intense about it and just completely fumbled that conversation.

How do I fix this without making it a huge deal? Or is this even worth clearing up in the first place?

So this is all going to sound pretty ridiculous but I have to say it to someone. My girlfriend would be really upset if she found out I talked about this to anyone who knows her.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years. She’s 30, I’m 31.

My girlfriend quit her job about a month ago. I know she was really struggling with it for a while. It was affecting her mental health. She was really good at her job, everyone liked her, and the CEO of the company she worked for was trying to steer her into a job with a 6 figure salary, despite her not having anywhere near the years of experience they were looking for. He was trying to convince the hiring team to put her on the role anyway because he thought she was that good. She tried talking to her boss about how she didn’t feel prepared for it and how although everyone thought she was amazing at her job, it actually took a lot of effort on her part to go in and perform that well all the time. The higher paying job would have been even more stressful for a variety of reasons. She’d literally be responsible for bringing in millions of dollars for the company she worked for. She hated the idea and didn’t want that responsibility.

She was looking for new jobs for a little while. She had a few interviews and always got asked back for a second rounds, but nothing felt like a good fit for her.

About a month ago she quit her job on the spot, with nothing new lined up and with no intention of finding anything new. It’s unlike her. She’s usually pretty careful and knows people like her parents would be upset, so it was out of character.

She told me that she was just sitting there pretending to work and realized that if John Frusciante could quit Red Hot Chili Peppers on tour in Japan in 1992, she could quit her job on the spot. So she did.

She’s obsessed with John Frusciante. In love with him, if you will. Has been for years. He’s the guitar player in Red Hot Chili Peppers for those that don’t know. He quit the band for the first time in 1992 and spiraled into extreme drug addiction and most people thought he’d die.

So she quit her job to sit at home and play guitar all day and be with her pets. She quit her job to be able to spend all her time doing stuff that makes her happy. She said she read a poem and had an existential crisis, like she couldn’t spend her life working.

I mean, a big difference being John Frusciante had a lot of money until he blew it all on drugs. She is not a rock star. She doesn’t really have much savings.

She’s in love with John Frusciante, but she also legitimately admires his musicianship. She plays guitar and is obsessive over gathering all the same gear all of her favorite guys use, but he’s #1. She has an entire room filled with guitar gear. Probably 20 guitars, tons of pedals lining the walls, so many amps and speakers that they’re overflowing into the rest of her house and are used in place of tables and shelves. She’s buying expensive vintage guitar gear and although she spends all day online looking for deals, she’s still spending a lot. She’ll sell something if she needs money to buy a different thing she wants more, but she buys a lot more than she sells. She’s not in a band or anything like that. She doesn’t play anywhere, doesn’t want to. Just plays at home.

Her house is also starting to look like an addict’s den. She doesn’t use drugs, but her house looks like a storage unit exploded. Her kitchen counters are so filled with trash and junk that there wasn’t room to put 1 cup today. There’s a small path leading from her front door into her living room….and in the living room there are tons of boxes packed full of all the weird stuff she collects, stacked half way to the ceiling. Her dining room table has a mountain of stuff on it. Her house is genuinely unbelievable. The mess is unreal. It’s more than messy. It’s hazardous. She thinks it’s fine, even jokes that her house is probably worse than John Frusciante’s in 1994. A documentary was made about his disaster of a home that actually ended up burning down. Go look it up…she’s not exaggerating when she says her house is worse.

Today she texted me because she'd ordered an amp from England and couldn't physically move it into her house. I had to come over and help her. She’d basically spent all day watching clips of John Frusciante and was proud that she’d cut her toenails and shaved her armpits for the first time in a month.

She’s just sitting at home all day in her pajamas, spending money like it’s unlimited, and doesn’t seem to care.

I don't want to sound like I'm criticizing her for enjoying her freedom or for having hobbies. She's always had these interests and some of these bad habits, but she used to keep things under control and functioned pretty normally. I don’t think she’s having any sort of mental breakdown or anything like that either.

I'm also struggling with what my role is supposed to be here. I care about her, and I don't want to dictate how she spends her time or money. In a way, I’m really happy she finally did something that she wanted to do. She normally makes decisions based on what people like her parents want her to do or what she thinks she’s supposed to do, what will look good. It’s just so extreme and I don't want to become the person who has to help manage the consequences, especially if her finances run out.

How do I figure out how to handle existing along side all of this now? I don’t want to break up with her but I’m not sure what I can support and what I might need to just step away from.

We've been together for two years.. We met in October 2024, had an amazing time getting to know one another. We connected straight away and have generally had a blast. I moved in quite early on - we knew we wanted to see more of each other and it felt natural. We met each others families about 2 months in, and we all get along great. He introduced me to his friends immediately, they all love me and vice versa. He made it clear early on that he was serious about me, proposed a few months ago, and has been working hard for us to be able to build a life together. He is thoughtful, kind, intelligent, ambitious, hilarious and caring.

One thing I noticed early on is just how many friendships he has, which is part of what drew me to him also. I'd say I'm very much the opposite. Whilst I'm really good with people, especially one on one, I sometimes find it hard to reach out to people or even just to maintain contact. When people do meet me for the first time they sing my praises - I am effervescent, but I also like to be tucked away at home a lot. My fiancé has told me he's a blend of introverted and extroverted - I would've thought he's fully extroverted but he does have a hard time of socialising at times (this surprised me!).

I have a large family, lots of cousins etc and a great relationship with my immediate family. He doesn't really have that. We are started to plan for engagement parties and the wedding, and I'm feeling overwhelmed by the contrast. We will be holding two engagement parties - one back in my hometown (for my extended family), and we are doing one where we live now, which is a big city. His reason behind wanting to host one here is that he's not really been able to invite people over or really hold a celebration party, so he's looking forward to sharing the joy with his friends. Of course I have been able to invite whoever I may like on my side, but the only people would be my close family (so 4). Meanwhile, he has about 25-30 to invite... some may not come, some may come on their own without their other halves. So all in all there should be around 30 people there. I've been able to hire out an amazing, pretty exclusive space which has space for 70 - I'm now wondering if it's too big a space and may look sparse. Essentially, I'm not overly excited about having this party but I know it's something my fiancé really wants and seeing him so happy about it these last few days makes it worth it. He'll also be paying for it all.

He has told me so many times that his friends are our friends, so he feels there's nothing for me to feel insecure about. He often reminds me that they probably love me more than they love him. I guess for me, it feels embarrassing that I have no friends of my own to invite.. well I have one who is unlikely to come since she just gave birth. I'm hoping we have enough people there & I feel bad I can't contribute much to the guest list. I want to be able to enjoy myself without worrying so much before it and on the night. I feel as though it may raise some eyebrows, and I won't really have my own crew so to speak. I'm not sure if I'm worrying over nothing, or how to make myself feel better really..

I’ve been in a relationship with this woman for a year who I thought was supposed to be the love of my life. We’ve been through so much together. We’ve met each other’s families and I thought everything was going great. We spend almost every day together and there’s never a dull moment. We have so much fun together! We’re even supposed to go on a 2-week vacation abroad to Mexico here in a few days. The problem is that out of curiosity, I went through her Snapchat after I saw the name of a man pop up on her lock screen. She said he was just a friend, which I had no problem believing. I never caught her lying to me before. We’re open about or phones and know each other’s passwords so I figured it’d be okay. While she was in the shower, I looked through her chats lists without clicking on the chats until I saw a chat from a man that she had muted from back in February. The chat from the guy that popped up on her screen was actually platonic with nothing alarming. For the record, February was 3 months after we became official. I clicked on it and immediately saw that they had exchanged nudes. Mostly before her and I ever began dating. She hasn’t talked to the guy since February. The last and most recent one she sent in February was a picture of her nude showing off a tattoo. So I’m freaking out a little now. I don’t know what to do. On one hand, I feel like this may be salvageable, and I truly do want to have a life with her and marry her. I’m just so hurt. This trip is also a once in a lifetime opportunity for me and I just love her family as well. Can we get past this? How can I best confront her? I kinda want to wait until after the trip to do so.

I (28F) have recently started dating my bf (28M). We've been together for just 3 months, but he's my first serious boyfriend, and it's the first time I fall in love and actually like someone a lot so all of this is new to me.

I have realized that I am a bit too obsessed with him in the sense that I think about him allll day and am always waiting for his message (we are long distance so we can't see each other much at all). Ofc I want to think about him, I love him, but I feel like I should decenter him and not be obsessed thinking when he's gonna reply to my messages all day!!! I have my hobbies, my job, I live alone so I take care of the house by myself - I'm busy, but idk how I can do this?

To start of: my best friend and I are long distance, a short flight away from each other.

My best friend has been together with her husband for much longer than I've known her. He's been her rock through most of her life, he's been a great and patient partner and last summer they got married.

Now, a little over a year later, the last month he's very suddenly become a completely different person.

He's become dismissive of her feelings and puts other people before her. He gets annoyed with her easily over her depression or her being burnt out from work. Almost every day do they have fights over small things that don't matter in the long run.

I don't know the details for most of the small fights, but I do know that the main issue my best friend (A) has been having is that her husband (B) has become oddly close with one of their mutual friends (C).

A originally became friends with C through a mutual hobby, in person, 4 or so months ago. Eventually B got involved in this hobby and became part of the friend group. B and C have a lot more in common than A and C; hobbies, music, style, etc. B and C a few nights ago had a hangout without A, though she was invited she did not care to join.

During this meetup there were some odd comments made by C: "I understand why people whose partners work for example at an oil rig for 6 months would go and cheat on them", as C's partner was away for work for a few weeks.

It's comments like these, and comments from B to C as well that make A uncomfortable and jealous. Comments that are borderline flirting, but could still be seen as harmless. A has made very clear to B that she's uncomfortable with it but B doesn't want to make any changes to his friendship with C.

B has commented many times he finds this jealousy of A "repulsive" during their fights and refuses to make clear boundaries in his friendship with C to help ease A's jealousy.

I believe C is the reason B's personality has changed so much over the last month. I don't want to claim he is or will cheat on my best friend, but he isn't doing anything to prove that he would never cheat on her. At the end of the day I don't understand that suddenly this new friendship of maximum 2 months is somehow more important than his marriage and relationship of 9 years.

As we're long distance best friends, what is my best course of action to take here? We talk daily, and if worst would come to worst I'd fly her out to stay with me for as long as she'd need, but right now I'm struggling watching her suffer daily in a relationship that used to be so good for her.

sorry for the long ass title lmaoo but I need advice on this. I (20F) have been best friends with my bff (18F) since we were in kindergarten. Our friendship is fairly healthy and we have never had any big fights (or any little fights at all really) as we are both pretty non-confrontational.

My problem is that my friend is very advantageous. I think it's just a combination of how she was raised and her personality, but I don't know how to tell her I have a problem with it without sounding rude.

For some context: I have adhd and she is likely on the spectrum. One of the main ways we bond is through both of our hyperfixations. She does not drive yet and I do, but I do not have a car of my own yet (its a long story). She lives about 40 minutes away from me. The easiest way for us to hang out is usually for one of us to spend the night at the other's house. I physically NEED to shower every night or I will genuinely crash out (this will make more sense down below).

We have always enjoyed hanging out with each other, but I am introverted and am drained very easily. I can't even be with my family for too long without needing to recharge.

She is an introvert as well but not as easily drained by me as I am with her. I suppose I just take less mental energy from her.

She has always been kind of hyper lol, especially when talking about her hyperfixations. I completely understand this, as I also get excited when I get to talk about my hyperfixations too. The problem arises when she starts doing all the talking.

She could genuinely go on for hours without me saying a word and not notice. I don't mind all that much most of the time, it's nice to be a listener. But sometimes it just gets to a point where I can't listen anymore because I'm simply too tired and overstimulated. It's like it's too much information for me to take in.

This often happens when she or I sleep over at the other's house. She is usually over at my house more than I am at hers (she has younger siblings and my siblings are around my age).

We only see each other about once a month and so I get needing to word vomit and unload some things onto me when we get to see each other, but when it is only her getting to do it and me not being able to say much, it gets tiring.

With only getting to see each other once a month, she also wants to be able to "make the most of our time" and tell me everything she deems important. She has come with checklists of things to tell me before lol. It is rarely ever about her actual life and instead about her hyperfixations.

Then comes the advantageous part of her. She is a very very sweet person and it is often really difficult for me to say no to her. Maybe that's just the people pleasing part of me, idk. But when we hang out she tries to squeeze every last bit of time out of the hangout that she possibly can. Which means staying up way too late, waking up early after, not leaving the house, etc. She never tells her parents an end time/time to come pick her up. I am usually the one who has to prompt her by saying stuff like, "oh, when did your mom want to come get you?", "Do you have anything tomorrow you have to be home for?", etc. I feel like we are simply too old for this, and I feel rude because I feel like i'm trying to kick her out when really I'm just exhausted.

She will ask if she can sleep over at my house multiple nights in a row. We have done this before and while it starts enjoyable for me, it will end with me having meltdowns on the way home because I'm just genuinely so overstimuated and exhausted. I love her but being with someone all day for multiple days just isn't good for me, no matter who that person is.

I should say it's kind of less asking to stay multiple nights in a row than it is suggesting. Here's an example from our most recent text convo when speaking about halloween plans:

Me (at the tail end of a separate conversation): also want to plan what we're doing for halloween?

Her: yes I was actually about to text you about that today

Her: You guys (me and my sister) could come sleep at my house since my room is clean now and then you guys could come to church with us or smth

Her: But I had the idea that if I came to you guys I could also come on friday, spend the night, stay for all of saturday, spend the night again, and go to church with you guys the next day

Mind you this is the very first messages we have sent about planning halloween this year. Idk I don't mean to complain but I just feel bombarded with all these suggestions that I did not propose or agree to. Yes, I know I can just say "No, I don't want to hang out that long" but idk I just feel rude??? Like, "Oh no, sorry, I don't want to hang out with you, my best friend, for that long because I'm a big baby and your company weighs on me so much after a while and I need to be alone"???

I guess I just feel like I have to have a valid reason to say no to this. Because otherwise, I don't really. I have nothing else going on in this scenario. I just feel so rude saying she can't come over because I need my alone time like I'm five years old.

I just feel that it's a little rude to me as well to be like, "yes i want to hang out, can i come stay the entire weekend with you even though you didn't offer that in the first place"?

I know she doesn't mean to be rude. She means well always and doesn't want to cause me distress in any way. But we have had this conversation before and her parents have also had this conversation with her; I simply need adequate time to recharge, and being with one person in close proximity for more than a day is enough for me.

I suppose I feel disrespected in a way because she constantly disregards my need to be alone. I know she is not doing it in a malicious way, though, I think she just genuinely isn't thinking about my needs that deeply. Which is understandable, but when you have set this boundary gently multiple times and it keeps getting disregarded, it get frustrating.

As for me staying over at her house, I would just rather not lol. As said earlier, I physically NEED to have a shower every night or I will crash out. This is not really something I can do at her house. I also just prefer to sleep in my own bed lol. I have a very hard time sleeping in other places.

I guess my main problem is that she is just severely lacking in the ability to read other people. Which yes, I understand is because she is neurodivergent but it just gets very tiring for me to be the only one getting word vomited on when we hang out and not being granted any time to myself. It gets to a point where it is not enjoyable for me at all and I need to take a whole weekend to recharge. It affect me and my family, as I live with them first after all. I end up being disregulated if me and bff are together too long and I snap at my family.

Anyway, reading all this back is just really sounds like a big communication issue. I just genuinely don't know how to tell her firmly that I physically can't hang out for more than a day because it's just draining. "hey, sorry, you are so high energy that I can't be around you for so long"?

Has anybody else experienced this before? Any advice is appreciated. I just want to help her understand my situation without hurting her feelings. I love her so much and I enjoy her company, but sometimes it is too much for me. I just want her to know that I love her but I need time to recharge.

I will answer any questions in the comments. Please be kind!

TLDR: My best friend's social battery does not get drained whatsoever from hanging out with me, but my gets drained by hanging out with her. I don't know how to tell her without it hurting her feelings, but I NEED to set boundaries because we are simply too old for this.

My partner (we’ve been together for a year) is more established than I am and lives alone, while I have roommates. So he's the one who usually hosts me. If we have an argument and I want to spend time with him at his place, but he would only be interested in spending time together outside, is there a power dynamic here because he gets to call the shots?

Because during an argument, one of us might want physical intimacy while the other doesn't, which is completely fair. But since only one of us can host, doesn't that mean the person who hosts gets to call the shots about whether we can spend time together privately?

Does he punish me?

Like the title says, my husband and I have been married for 12 years and have two kids, 12 and 3. My husband has a rocky work history (quitting with no backup plan, walking out of a job when I got the CEO to put in a good word for him, etc) and he was fired from his last job 6 years ago. It's important to note that this was not due to COVID, he was fired in November of 2019 and since then he's made no real effort to find a job. A couple years into his unemployment I asked him for help on two or three separate occasions. I told him we needed more money, and I needed him to get a job. Nothing came of it.
Now, for the past 3 years he's been home taking care of our toddler and he does carry his weight around the house as well by basic cleaning, taking care of our youngest, and cooking dinner every night. I do cook on weekends, always take the kids out to play dates or the park, and do any deep cleaning or organizing in the house.
Now, I do make decent money so I can keep us afloat and we are able to take one family vacation to my home country in the EU every year as well, but cost of living is rising here in the US and every time we argue I find myself throwing it in his face that he doesn't work and doesn't make any money, and that because of that we are in some cc debt and don't own a house yet. I have told him I resent him for it because I am now responsible for everything financial when that is not what I wanted. The last few times we have been arguing, he told me I'm acting like a classic misogynist. Am I? And how can I approach this in a different way?