I am currently on vacation with my husband. It's been a lifelong dream of mine to see the Grand Canyon and I've been looking forward to it ever since we planned it. Yesterday, we had the most perfect day visiting it. The other days of vacation up to this point have been great as well. Today, we decided to go do a hike. I could tell he was in one of his moods from the get go. He was complaining that I was getting the Google maps location set before starting to drive (I could apparently stop "wasting time" by doing it while I drive...), and once we got there, he complained that after I went to the bathroom, I didnt automatically know he'd be at the trail head versus waiting for me or back at the car.

As we set off, he was walking considerably faster than me. I wasn't going slow by any means (passed every other hiker on the way up). But he was having to stop and wait periodically, and I could tell it was annoying him. He would mumble something at me while walking far ahead, and get mad I didn't hear. Finally, it reached a point where we were unsure of the path ahead. We go to the nearest sign, I asked, "Aren't we on X trail?" because the sign didn't say it. He walked a little further and found a sign that did have it, showing X to the left, and trail Y to the right. He heads down Y. I ask "shouldnt we be heading to trail X to the left? The right is trail Y." And that set him off. He yelled at me, called me a r****d, turned around and went back the way we came as fast as he could. I also went as fast as I could but could not keep up.

When I met him back, he screamed at me the whole drive back to our hotel, called me r****d, said I shouldnt have questioned what trail we are on, said I live in outer space and paid zero attention to what trail he had planned for us (which...was trail X the whole way). When i was finally able to get a word in about trail X vs trail Y, he doubled down on the fact that I asked if we were still on trail X before, as a means to justify his anger.

Now we are back at the hotel, not speaking. This isnt the first time he acts like this, and our relationship has had serious ups and downs. I was hoping this vacation would be a good one, that there is some hope he can be reasoned with and we can enjoy our last few days. But I know realistically, I'm looking at rescheduling flights back for tomorrow, and a long, horrible trip home together. How do I cope with this? The next reasonable flight we can get is tomorrow at 4 PM, and we have a 3 hr drive to the airport.

Update: I rebooked the flight for tomorrow. I'm looking into getting my own room tonight and just picking him up in the AM. I'm afraid if I just leave him here with no transport back, it will escalate the situation. His parents have my dog right now. I told them I will be the one to pick her up the morning after we land. I appreciate all the responses and support, and I know what I need to do when I get home. To those accusing me of posting rage bait and not responding to anyone, I've spent the past couple of hours walking around town to get away from him so I could call my parents and best friend to let them know. I know what hes doing is abuse.

I am feeling totally used following a one night stand and finding it really difficult to bounce back.

Been back in the dating game for a few months following a very traumatic experience with my last partner (not FV). I was enjoying the casual dating game for a few months, first time on the apps and just starting to feel back to myself. Casual dating was even making me feel empowered.

I had a couple of flings which recently ended and then got pursued and asked out by a younger man, not through the apps. Of course I felt flattered and went on the date for fun, no expectations and not really feeling invested in anything further.
I got carried away and we ended up having a one night stand. I enjoyed it.
But then as the days have passed it’s become clear I’m not going to hear from him and I just feel totally stupid and used. I can’t pinpoint why I feel so hurt by it all. In reality I don’t want any future with this person and I only went on one date with him.
Maybe it’s just a bruised ego.

How do I better handle my emotional reaction to this? Seeking advice.

Are any of you married happily to your partner but don’t quite fit in with his family?

My partner and I love eachother deeply and have a very healthy relationship. We have our small issues but it’s nothing that leads to disrespect or cruelty. We speak openly with eachother, and don’t stop being a team even when tough subjects arise. We know we have differences but we love eachother for them and we also have a lot in common too. He loves me for me, enjoys that Im “weird” and truly thinks highly of me as I do him but his family has been a sore spot for me. They live across the country and I went into getting to know them with an open heart but the more I got to know them the more inadequate I felt and now every encounter with them often leaves me drained and feeling shame for who I am.

I am VERY different from his family. They were raised doing camping and hiking trips. Cooking together, cleaning together as a unit…I was raised in an abusive household. Neglected most my life. I have a dating history which my partner does not have which leaves levels of trauma in my past that I’ve worked hard to heal and overcome. This fact often leaves me feeling unclean unfortunately as his family also don’t have long dating histories. They date to marry. Date people within their same “social status” I suppose. Are athletic people with high intelligence college degrees, good money and goals and aspirations that fit the usual status quo which I admire them for but I’m just not like that.

Im physically active in my job. I prefer outdoor walks in the forest or short hikes, so we do have that in common but I don’t run everyday. I plan to start going to a yoga class and getting back into martial arts.

I am “the help” a labor worker In other words. I make good money, and afford a comfortable life which is big in this day and age but it’s nowhere near how his family lives or what they seem to deem successful. I also didn’t go to college. Never could decide what to go for and have always been unwilling to go into debt for something that wasn’t fulfilling or something I was uncertain on. I became a laborer (I LOVE my job) and I’m a creative. I grew up poor, so to me, my accomplishments are big. However compared to them, my accomplishments feels so small. I have some debt, it’s not paid off and a family member committed fraud against me which plummeted my credit score and has taken years to build back up. So I don’t have the ability to even get a credit card, put my name on a house and I myself in my early twenties also made mistakes financial wise but I’ve learned and I’m working to pay off everything and I’ve been doing quite well. I’m close to some of my family, it took time but we love eachother. I’ll never be close to my parents but that’s okay.

His family comes from money and are highly responsible with it, they go to college they are close and when spending time with them it’s pretty obvious they don’t know what to make of me most the time. I often feel judged or like there is some unspoken opinion about me. Not by everyone.

I’m polite. I’m very gentle hearted, and inquisitive and open with my answers to their questions and attempts to get to know me. I now keep my answers short and watered down because it began to feel like I was annoying when I got too happy go lucky to answer their questions though this is just with my bf’s Youngest brother, aunt and grandma who makes me feel very uncomfortable. I’ve caught his brother and aunt staring at me for long periods of time and though his aunt seemed mostly just curious and kind his brothers look was very different and almost angry…(I have tats. and that’s definitely not something that fits with their fam and no they’re not heavily religious. idk if that’s it with his brother as his gf has small ones, and he’s young twenties) There was no warmth in his eyes at all. He acts friendly with me and will ask me questions but it’s not a very authentic energy, feels very forced and like it’s more for polite sake, and when I answer his tone dulls and he just kind of seems very uninterested.

Id say the best relationship I have with his family is with his mother and second eldest brother. His father has been nice too. I do feel a lot of what I’m feeling is just me except when it comes to those I mentioned above because there is definitely weird behavior there.

Anyway.

Theres more but I’ll stop here and thank you to those who read, can relate and take the time to answer. I appreciate it.

My butt is so flat it’s embarrassing. I have tried bikini, boy shorts, hipsters. They all scrunch up and just feel uncomfortable.

I don’t like thongs either. I’m going to Japan tomorrow so I’ll buy new underwear. Any recommendations?

My parents didn't work 9 to 5 jobs when I was growing up so I didn't deal with this and genuinely do not know how to handle this in the future. If I have a kid in the first grade who is like six years old that gets out of school at 3 PM, what do I do with them for the last two hours of the workday?

As the title says. Lost a friend (somewhat) unexpectedly this weekend. I texted his mom today, and she invited me to stop by tonight. I know dinner is already being brought by someone else. I don't have time to cook from scratch or order something custom, so it needs to be a grab and go kind of thing.

Ideas? I was going to do a variety of snacks, nibbles, fruit, but would love more specific ideas or if you have grieved, what was helpful for you?

TIA <3

ETA: I plan on making something homemade another day, so I am open to ideas there too :)

Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!! XD I know "get a hobby" is usually the first piece of advice, but I'm back in school so I don't have time for my usual hobbies and can't focus on my studies...it's super distracting and I know a lot of it is in my head but a lot of it was real too...this sucks!

I am the only designer in my team, since 4 years same team, same client and got my contract renewed for a year (every year cycle), and recently my manager told me they are hiring a junior designer as there is a lot of new work coming.

1. I freaked out, thinking am I being replaced?

2. What if that junior works better than me and they think let's replace her?

I couldn't sleep, I asked him directly when I couldn't contain that what does this mean for me - he said there is a lot of work coming and the old vendor I am still paying for your spot even though you moved to a new vendor so why shouldn't I take a resource it will be handy.

I started overthinking, overanalyzing (I am taking therapy for all my issues).

To women who are managers, or have any experience can you please share how can I not panic. ?? Spiral??

I am getting married soon and don't want any turbulence for the next few months.

PS: somewhere since all these years I wasn't able to take vacations as I was the only resource but I love working alone. I am still okay it's a junior but you know cannot shake the feeling that market is bad and I am comfortable here. I just don't want anything that disrupts my peace.

Hello, i can no longer explain this situation. It’s been an extremely long time coming and i just don’t have the energy anymore lol. I have been saving for a few weeks now to file for divorce and leave the state. We do not have kids together and aren’t very financially tied together. I plan on saving as much as i can over the course of no later than a year. Within this time how do i act like everything is okay?

I have a had time tracking my expenses and would like to find a way that works permanently for me. I’ve tried a paper planner which was helpful but not long term, I don’t do well with an excel sheet for expenses, etc. what works for you? Additionally, how do you track one receipt that has multiple categories? Such as a Costco trip that is half groceries, half household necessities?

I have a friend who's recently moved because of her husband's job and for the last few months every time we meet up all she does is complain about her life and husband. I totally understand it's really hard to leave your job and family to move but I just find her words inappropriate. She uses extremely strong words like hate, despise and resent. And to be honest of this was the first time she had spoken like this about someone I would believe her... But it isn't. She hated our professors, they were assholes. She hated her boss, she was a bitch. She hated her postman because he was rude. She hated the city she used to live in. She hates the city she lives in now. She talks like this about everyone and it's becoming quite clear that she's really unhappy and struggling mentally but externalises all her unhappiness onto someone else. As if that 1 person or location or challenge is the source of all her unhappiness.

I really don't know what to do or say. Every suggestion I offer is shot down. I refuse to agree with her, all I can say is I understand things are really tough and shitty right now but they will get better. She shoots that down too.

Hi gals! I am working on being less of a people-pleaser and trying to preserve my sanity at work. I quit a management level job this year to take a step back because of the stress. I still have a great job, but I’m an IC AND I have a product manager now. I’ve never had a product manager and Im used to innovating, generating new project ideas, setting goals etc. Now I have someone who sets priorities and I follow them, and I’m trying to get used to that.

Anyway, I’m struggling with feeling like I’m just doing enough to meet expectations at my job. I’m craving the positive feedback I get from going above and beyond and I have this desire for my work to be noticed and valued by execs. However, this is how I got such terrible burnout before - taking on more than I was asked to do and trying to constantly move up. Maybe I just need too much affirmation at work.

If this sounds like you how do you think about performance at work and simply doing the work that is assigned to you (as opposed to always looking for ways to do more)? How do you deal with meeting expectations but not necessarily being an above and beyond employee? Of course I’m not suggesting that being a great employee is mutually exclusive with burnout, but maybe my approach to being a great employee is? So hoping to relearn

I’ve been on/off the apps for years.

They don’t work for me because I’m the type of person who feels attraction only through a slow burn and friendship first. Like my ideal scenario would be what Jim and Pam had on The Office (minus Roy being there): low stakes interactions over a long period of time, where you can feel out what the other person is like without pressure.

I have a very hard time telling who I’ll like and who I won’t just from a photo and a few prompts. Every profile on an app to me is either a “no” because it’s full of red flags or a “maybe” in that it could go either way.

I have never looked at a man on a dating app and gone “OH MY GOD. THIS ONE IS PERFECT FOR ME, I HOPE WE MATCH!”

And that’s not to insult the men on the apps. Even if a man is objectively attractive, it does nothing for me because of the way I feel attraction, which is slow.

Anyway, my question for anyone who met their partner on the apps:

Did his profile feel different than all the other ones you had swiped on? Was it obvious that he was your person from the app itself? Or was he just someone you had swiped on and overtime via talking you grew interested as you dated?

(I used he/him pronouns because I am into men but feel free to chime in regardless of the gender you’re into!)

Can some of you in long term relationships with healthy, mutually respectful, enjoyable sex lives please describe what it’s like? I mean this in all honesty. I really don’t think I’ve ever had one so I don’t think I would recognize it. I’m in my 40s now and after plenty of dating in my 20s and a short marriage in my early 30s I took a long break from dating and am now in a relationship currently that I’m finding is not so satisfying or healthy sexually as I initially thought. It occurred to me that maybe I don’t even know what that is as I’ve likely never even experienced it :( My boyfriend currently has a very strict routine. He’ll work, eat lunch, watch youtube, nap, masturbate, work, eat dinner, hang out with me for a little while, put head phones in and watch youtube until he falls asleep. I can either be around and available during his masturbation time or not. It’s go time when he’s horny or he’ll just take care of things himself sometimes with porn (he’s also mentioned that he thinks about his exes during this time and also when we’re in bed together but that’s a different story). He doesn’t see any issue with this even though I’ve told him that his rigid schedule is affecting our sex life. It affects the quality of our sex also obviously. Anyways, someone please tell me what’s normal. I’m losing it.

Edit: sorry, I should add that he is willing to take care of me sexually if I ever ask, but it’s just not something that happens as often since I usually want to do things together and I’m looking for that connection that’s mutual and healthy. Not just him doing something for me at a different time. I’m also pretty sexual and adventurous and usually up for anything so I really don’t understand :-/

I'm toying with the idea of setting up a 20 gallon fish tank, freshwater, I already have a stand which is why I'm leaning towards that size.

Would like fish that are colorful and interesting - something with personality and doesn't just hide all the time. I have some experience but definitely not an expert - I want something that isn't where I need to test the water and take care of the tank daily (or have a separate tank to raise food) but also more than just drop a gold fish in and call it a day.

Not opposed to a singular fish or a variety. Open to having plants if needed for happy fish.

While I know there are fish reddits, thought I'd ask other women here to see what they have set up before I go to the fish experts.

Basically the title, but to get into it: I've wanted to be a criminal defense attorney since I can remember. I was told my whole life how I should be a lawyer, sometimes in a cheeky way but oftentimes with deep sincerity. I read about laws and the cases that established them in my free time. I could never estimate the workload without doing it, but the idea of it that I've been able to gather doesnt intimidate me.

My dreams have always been to be a PD and then hopefully work for the innocence project. You couldve asked me 20 years ago and I wouldve given you that answer. When I think, deep down, what career I want... Ive tried to be practical but I cant stop returning to this.

Im in school right now for cyber security. I just started this semester. The VA is paying for my schooling, which is the only way I got to go. Im thankful. They'd also pay for law school if I chose to do that after my bachelor's.

I have thought about just buckling down and getting this tech degree as a safety net, then going to law school. That way, if I crash and burn, I wont be nearly 40 with no lucrative degree despite years of school. The only issue I have is that I hate tech, Im bad at it, and I constantly wish I was studying something I am passionate about. But now that I'm in my 30s and a real adult (lol), do I have the luxury of passion over financial security?

I have no family to confide in and none of my friends have relevant experience. Ive been feeling so conflicted and lost lately, I feel so thankful that I get to go to school and I just dont want to squander what may be my only opportunity for higher education. TIA for any advice or insight.

I’m a married guy in my 40s, and lately I’ve been finding myself less interested in some of the things I used to enjoy.

Between work, kids and everything else, our schedules are pretty full. I’ve also been making more of an effort to stay in shape, get into better routines and be more intentional with my free time. There’s also always something around the house that needs fixing or improving.

My wife still enjoys going out with friends, including the occasional night of drinking and partying. Nothing wrong with that, but lately I just don’t find it all that appealing. Time is definitely a factor for me.
Recently she invited me out with some of her girlfriends and possibly a few couples, and I declined. I told her I didn’t mind if she went, but she said she only wanted to go if I went.

We have a good marriage, enjoy spending time together and still go out and do plenty of things. I just don’t necessarily want to spend my limited free time doing something I don’t particularly enjoy, especially knowing I’ll probably spend part of the next day recovering.

It’s not that I wouldn’t have a good time. I’m sure I’d enjoy the company. It’s more that going out would take up much of the weekend, and there are other things I’d rather spend that time doing.

For those in long-term relationships, how do you balance doing things together versus having your own interests? Do you sometimes go along just because it’s something your partner wants to do?

I’m in my early 30s, married for over 10 years, and we have three young kids. I’m really struggling with resentment toward my husband, and it’s gotten to the point where I’m questioning our compatibility.
When we were dating, my husband was motivated to improve our financial situation. He would look for better-paying jobs, spoil me, and make me feel taken care of. I loved that about him. Fast forward to today, and I feel like we’ve grown into two very different people.
I make around $100k, and he makes around $45k. I’ve become increasingly career-driven, partly because I want us to have financial freedom, take vacations, put our kids in activities, and enjoy life without constantly worrying about money.
My husband says he wants those things too, but I don’t see much initiative toward making them happen.
Here’s where my resentment really comes in: he has so much energy and attention to detail for sports, video games, movies, and his hobbies. He’s even resourceful enough to trade collectibles for things he wants. But when it comes to exploring career opportunities or making a plan for our future, he says he’s mentally exhausted and doesn’t have the time.
We recently reviewed our finances and realized that a shocking portion of his deposits was going toward eating out and drive-throughs. Meanwhile, I’ve been denying myself experiences because I’m anxious about money. I even missed a close friend’s wedding, which I deeply regret.
To his credit, he was surprised by the spending and immediately acknowledged that he needed to cut back.
I also want to be fair to him because he’s NOT a husband who does nothing. He makes breakfast most mornings, handles most of the cleaning and laundry, helps with school routines, and is an involved dad. He genuinely contributes a lot domestically.
He says that if he pursues a higher-paying job, he’ll have less time and energy for those responsibilities. I can understand that, but I also feel like we’re assuming a better opportunity would be worse before even exploring what’s possible.
We recently had a pretty awful argument where I admitted how miserable and resentful I’ve been feeling. I said things I’m not proud of, including making judgments about his self-worth and motivation. He told me he has his own frustrations, including feeling like I don’t do enough around the house on my days off.
I know we both feel unappreciated.
We’re in couples therapy and have both done individual therapy. He’s made efforts, including scheduling our counseling, but I still feel like we’re stuck in the same dynamic.
Here’s the deeper issue: I grew up watching my mom stay in a miserable marriage with a financially abusive husband. I’m terrified of repeating that pattern.
I’m scared of being 50 and realizing I spent decades hoping my husband would change, while slowly becoming more resentful and unhappy.
At the same time, I recognize that my husband is not my father. He has good qualities and contributes to our family in meaningful ways.
I think what hurts most is feeling like I’m the person responsible for making our future better. I want to feel pursued, valued, and like someone is looking out for me, too.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my marriage managing another adult’s growth, but I also don’t want to throw away a marriage because we have different personalities and ambitions.
For those who’ve been married a long time:
Have you experienced this kind of resentment and actually overcome it?
If you and your spouse have different levels of ambition, how did you make peace with that?
How do you distinguish between legitimate incompatibility and resentment that’s clouding your perspective?
What concrete changes helped you rebuild respect and feel like a team again?
I’m genuinely open to hearing where I may be contributing to the problem, too. I’m not looking for people to tell me to divorce him. I’m looking for experiences from people who’ve actually been through something similar.

Hi! I’m a woman approaching 40, learning English as a second language.

I’m a writer, so I care deeply about subtle nuances, thoughtful word choices, and expressing complex feelings or ideas clearly.

I’d love to develop that same sensitivity in English.
I’m looking for a female speaking role model: someone calm, articulate, confident, and elegant, with rich vocabulary and a thoughtful, mature way of speaking.

I especially love deeper or slightly husky voices, but that’s just a bonus!

I’ll be moving abroad for work, so I’d like to learn English that’s also appropriate for professional settings.

I’d love recommendations for either real women (interviews, YouTube, etc.) or fictional characters in films or TV series whose dialogue and speaking style would be worth imitating.

Videos with subtitles would be ideal.
I’d especially appreciate native speakers’ perspectives!

My frustration started around 6 months ago. I think it might be a mix of bad mental health and general issues I may have. I feel so guilty saying this but I'm having more trouble with my female friendships, even though I value them so much.

I've always tried to be a good listener and to support my girls in any way that I can, but now I'm kind of burnt out. Some of them have noticed and I don't blame them for being a bit hurt.

I rarely talk about my issues because I hate self-pity, but when I do bring something up, I feel like they value being "deep" and speaking poetically over actually understanding. I appreciate that they're genuinely trying to support me, which makes me feel even guiltier for being frustrated with them. The problem is that they unintentionally trivialise real issues with TikTok pseudo-psychological fake deep lingo, and I end up feeling even more isolated than before I said anything.

Some cut me off after a few sentences and just start talking about themselves. Some have no idea what's going on with me while I know almost everything about them. And whenever I have my own life and I can't please them, they pout.

I just want someone to give me a hug. Luckily, I have a few wonderful friends who genuinely just love me and support me through some bad shit and shockingly, they're mostly men???

I'm trying to understand how much of this is my own bad mental health and how much is justified frustration. What should I do? Am I being too harsh and demanding? And how do I tell them "NO YOU DON'T FUCKING GET IT!!!" without being a bitch? For reference, I have felt understood by some in the past and it was incredibly comforting and freeing.

Thanks

For those of you who have met their partner after divorce , what worked for you ? These apps are draining, and even if someone seems interested after the first date , there’s some excuse for not moving forward. I’m really bummed out that I wasted my time on people who are not intentional and open . It’s very depressing to think you are making a connection with someone and nothing moves forward .

I need some sage advice because I genuinely feel like I'm going insane. I just distanced myself from another friend group for a multitude of reasons (r*pe jokes, racism, very targeted passive aggressiveness). It was a group of mostly guys and some girls. One of the girls (the ringleader) was especially mean and would name drop me when trying to fight with her bf. I intentionally barely talked to him for this reason and kept talking very strictly to casual/when we were gaming.

Not all friend groups that I've lost are because of them, admittedly, when I was younger I was mentally not okay and it affected my friendships. But as I got older, I joined and left groups for racism, sexism, becoming uncomfortable because someone would be trying to hit on me. I genuinely just want friends to game with, but red flags always come up. I'm clearly the common denominator in this but I don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

With this specific group, I tried incredibly hard to be casual, get to know them, and be friendly. But somewhere along the way, one of the girls just clearly started hating me and I don't know what I did wrong, especially because I always tried to get to know her and be her friend. I thought we were good.

I'm no angel, but I felt like the racism and passive-aggressiveness was starting to go too far so I've distanced myself. Am I too sensitive? Why is it that I can't keep any friends? I just want to play video games.

—-
EDIT: I just wanted to say thank you to those offering insight and support. Admittedly, at one point, I questioned whether I should just ditch my values to remain friends with these people. But reading the comments really helped steer me along. I think eventually if I just keep enjoying my games, I’ll find the right friends. Back to solo queueing..

I also wanted to clarify some things for some commenters:

1. Not everyone in this group was bad. Even in some of the other groups, even if it was just 1 or 2 people, they argued against the racism/sexism. This group in particular had some really great people that unfortunately either aren’t part of the core group or just don’t really game that much. They’re the reason why I was so conflicted. I still intend to be cordial.

2. This post is for gaming friends specifically. I do have irl friends whose values align with mine and also helped guide me into the right direction. They just don’t play video games. Gaming is a huge part of my life - it has been since I was a kid and I don’t think I’d be okay giving up on it.

3. When I said I’m no angel, it was in reference to when I was younger and made a lot of mistakes, was toxic, and had a general bad outlook on life due to personal reasons. I never engaged in racism/sexism, although I did tolerate it out of desperation for friendship. I would also give unsolicited critiques of gameplay. I was problematic in a bad sport-type way, not the hateful-type way.

4. I’ve met these groups through a combination of irl and online friends. I usually got integrated into an already-established friend group, and the person who introduced me generally didn’t actually hang out with the groups, they just knew them and introduced me.

I turned 30 this year. It seems “right” to get pregnant while I’m 33. Maybe halfway into being 33.

Then I counted, and realized that’s only 2.5 years away. And dread sunk into me.

I do want a family with my soon-to-be husband. I think about the joy of raising our future kids, supporting them, building a relationship with them. But I feel like I’m still self-actualizing, and I’m scared of sacrificing my freedom.

I like that I’m finally getting back into creative writing after almost 8 years of being work obsessed. I like getting off of work and doing my hobbies. Having the flexibility of playing a volleyball match at 9:30pm and getting home at nearly 11. Going to occasional rave.

I still want to feel “hot”. I’ve spent so much time not feeling like I wasn’t.

I keep feeling like “not yet”, but not having much time left to keep putting it off.

My coworkers with kids spend so much time just talking about their children and nothing else. Except one, who’s a guy.

I just like experiencing who I am and I’m scared of losing that.

All of that rambling to say, when did you feel ready? Did you ever?

Over the years, I’ve gotten pretty good at considering my needs and setting boundaries with the people in my life (not even for negative situations per se, just being considerate of myself in general), they were pretty easy to set and maintain across the board.

I didn’t always feel the need to make it a big thing that needed to be communicated, either. Sometimes it’s as simple as, “I think I’m going to try giving myself a period of the day where I don’t text anyone to save some mental energy for myself” and the boundary stays between me, myself, and I.

but I’ve noticed in the last year or two, as life stressors and health issues have taken up much more of my daily energy, that most of my friendships now require more individual boundaries, which is a bit more complicated for so many reasons.

Some friends I can interact with weekly, others monthly. I haven’t communicated to most of them that I can only see them all at varying intervals, because I don’t think most people are well adjusted enough to hear that their friend’s energy stores are low enough to only handle seeing them sparingly, without taking it personally.

But I HAVE communicated to them INDIVIDUALLY how often I feel up to hanging out, and most have been understanding and accommodating.

I just worry that if they notice I’m seeing some friends more than others, they’ll take it personally.

Unfortunately, most of the ones I can only find energy for on a monthly basis seem like the ones that’d be especially hurt or frustrated that they fall into that category (maybe that’s part of why they’re there, I’m not sure?).

I’ve also communicated that if they feel they need more from their friendships and want to put more of their energy into other ones that are better suited to their needs these days, that I’m understanding of that, and encourage them to do so.

I truly don’t want to hurt them, I’m tired enough of the effect my heath has on me, but I’m particularly frustrated with how it impacts my relationships, as it is.

I’m just struggling in this chapter to be okay with having varying sets of boundaries for varying sets of friends, even though that seems to be the solution, right now.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve gone through some traumatic events. Lost family members, supported my partner through redundancies and job loss, and permanently distanced myself from my family due to narcissism and mistreatment.

While I’m glad that I’ve been strong enough to make that decision regarding family, and I genuinely do think it’s necessary, I seem to have hit a point in life where - now I have all the freedom - it’s like my brain has gone into overdrive and it’s thinking of all of the amazing things I could do.

For example, moving house, moving to a different country, just completely mixing life up and turning it on its head. I bombarded my partner with a bunch of concerns and worries about the future, which came out of nowhere. But I suddenly just felt overwhelmed by life, where I/we are heading, jobs, careers, future life… what will life become. What do you want from life? Out of absolutely nowhere I started to ask myself life’s biggest questions. It’s put me in a bit of a funk since then and I’m trying to figure out what this ‘episode’ is. It’s come straight after turning 32… I’m convinced it’s connected, but I’ve no idea why this has happened and how to help it, or feel better about the situation.

I just wondered if anyone else has gone through similar at a specific age? Would love to hear!