Nobody talks about the fake conversations you have with your ex after a breakup.

You're washing dishes and suddenly you're explaining how badly they hurt you.

You're in the shower and they've finally admitted they were wrong.

You're trying to sleep and somehow you've delivered a 45-minute speech that leaves them speechless.

And the funniest part?

In your imaginary conversations, they finally understand everything.

They apologize.

They cry.

They regret losing you.

Then you open your eyes.

It's 2:37 AM.

You've won an argument with someone who wasn't even there.

And somehow, you're still heartbroken.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has done this.

Okay that's a major oversimplification, but I am going to give you 2 steps and I hope they help you as much as they have helped me.

STEP 1

1). I ask myself,

Q: What kind of a relationship do I want?

A: I want reciprocity. I want to be chosen daily in thoughts, words,and actions. I want mutual curiosity.

And now for the 2nd question:

Q: Could I have a relationship like that with my ex? (as they are rn at this very moment. Not maybe someday. Not if the heal. NOW)

A: NO

So they are not good relationship material for me.

STEP 2

I realize this:

I am not actually losing an amazing person trying to offer me the world. Its not like he was offering me safety, commitment, and a future together.

Im missing out on neglect. Text anxiety. Walking on eggshells. Minimizing my needs. Ghosting and blocking. Im missing out on emotional harems, triangulation, mixed signals, heartache, stress and grief.

I wanted who they WERE and who they COULD HAVE been.

I dont actually want who they are and what they are offering right now.

So its good they are gone.

Now I can focus on someone better suited for me.

My boyfriend broke up with me in September.
We used to argue a lot, and he would often threaten to break up with me whenever he was upset or whenever we had an argument. This happened dozens of times, and we would usually end up getting back together.
However, this time feels different. Since the breakup, he has blocked me on every platform. I still tried to reach out to him, but he eventually changed his phone number and even deleted his Gmail account.
The last time I contacted him was through Instagram. I told him that I felt hurt by the fact that he had changed his number and deleted his Gmail account, because it made me feel like he wanted to completely erase me from his life.
After that, he also changed his Instagram settings so that he could no longer receive messages from me.
I know that he has made it very clear that he doesn’t want me to contact him right now, and I’m trying to understand and respect that.
But I’m wondering if anyone has ever been in a similar situation. Have you ever blocked an ex everywhere, changed your number, or cut off all contact, but eventually unblocked them and reached out to them yourself?
Or, if you’ve been blocked by an ex, did they ever come back and contact you again after going completely silent?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences, especially from people who were the ones who did the blocking. What made you decide to reach out again, if you ever did?

how do you get over someone you still love? I’m genuinely struggling and don’t know how to move on.
It’s been about two months since my breakup, and I feel like I’m drowning in sadness. I genuinely don’t know how to get over someone I still love so much.
We lived together, had a life together, and I pictured a future with him. Now I’m living alone, trying to rebuild my life, and I feel like a completely different person.
I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety before, but this breakup has made everything so much worse. I wake up thinking about him, go to work thinking about him, and fall asleep thinking about him. It’s exhausting. I feel like I can’t escape my own thoughts.
I’ve lost a significant amount of weight because I’ve been so sad that I can barely eat. My motivation is gone, my work is suffering, and even things that used to make me happy don’t feel the same anymore. I’m trying to get through each day, but sometimes it feels like I’m just surviving instead of living.
This morning, I saw him in his sister’s Instagram story. All I saw was his face and his smile, and my heart completely sank. It was such a small thing, but it brought back so much pain. I miss his smile. I miss being around him. I miss the little things that used to be part of my everyday life.
I know people say to focus on yourself, find hobbies, spend time with friends, and give it time. But what do you do when you’re so depressed that even doing those things feels impossible?
I don’t want to spend every day missing someone who is no longer in my life. I don’t want to keep waking up with this horrible feeling in my chest. I want to feel excited about life again. I want to be happy on my own.
I know healing isn’t linear, but I’m terrified of feeling this way for months or years.
For anyone who has gone through a breakup that completely broke them:
How did you finally stop thinking about your ex constantly?
What actually helped you detach emotionally?
How did you start enjoying life again when you had no motivation?
How long did it take before you genuinely felt okay?
What helped you stop hoping they’d come back?
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who struggled with depression during their breakup.
I don’t expect to magically stop loving him overnight. I just want to stop hurting this much.
Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot. ❤️

It’s been a month since we broke up. I cant stop having conversations with my ex in my head. It is like i am taking my anger out in this way, but it has to stop.

Been 5+ months since me and my ex broke up. It was mutual and if I where to summarize it quickly id say I had been wanting to leave for some time, but when I met her I just couldn't, she of course started to notice this and asked if we could talk, she said she wanted to break up and I agreed. In the beginning it was very very painful, but I knew that it was the right thing, and I felt like it was going to pass. I don't feel that anymore. 2 months on I wrote to her asking if we could meet and just talk about what happened, as it felt very haphazard and quick (just 5 days earlier she cried at the thought of me leaving, and on my birthday 2 days earlier she jumped up and down with excitement to see me, although we did have a talk about our futures where it became clear I did not like her plans and very gently (I'm not an asshole) tried to suggest other things). She declined to meet and talk about it, as is her right and wished me all that was good in the world. My life has changed a lot since then, I've moved city (she has too) I've started at a new university, Ive developed enormously as a person. But the breakup is still stuck with me. No sobbing no sleepless nights but in the quiet moments, when the party isn't that fun or when I walk home from a night out I think about her and it pains me very much. It feels like there was more to be had, like we could have solved our issues if only we had had been willing to fight. I often wonder what she is doing now, how she's doing in her new job and if she ever thinks about me. To complicate matters further ive started to see this new girl, she is in most ways better for me then my ex. She aligns more with my values and future goals. And yet when she lies in my arms it's my ex I think about, and I feel so so shitty. I don't know if I'm fully healed but I hope it's a matter of time. I don't want to hurt this girl, and I've been as good as I can to her. But I can't shake the feeling that this new relationship just isn't the same, even though logically it's way better.

I don't understand why this is still lingering and I would really appreciate if anyone has any useful thoughts or tips. How do I finally let go?

There was a truck overturned on the highway yesterday and I knew I wasn't getting home for at least another hour. Picked up my phone to call my ex, then put it back down. We've been separated eight months.

I used to call him on my way home almost every day. Half the time he was still at work and barely listening. I'd tell him about someone being annoying in a meeting or ask if we had anything for dinner. Sometimes we'd stay on the phone while neither of us said anything.

We weren't happy together toward the end. I know that. Living alone has actually been easier than I expected, once I stopped making enough pasta for two people. I've had friends over more, bought a tracy's dog, finally got rid of the enormous desk he left behind. Usually there's plenty to do.

Yesterday I just wanted to complain about traffic to someone who knew which exit I meant. I called a friend but she was busy, so I got drive-through fries and ate most of them before I got home. Didn't contact him. Still wanted to. How long did it take you to stop reaching for your phone?

I miss her I do, I cant lie about that. But she didn’t care when she left. It was already a hard day for me I attended a funeral earlier that day hoping to come home to her smiling happy to see me. Boy was I surprised when she said we had to talk. She left me that night too. Ever since then it’s just been a constant spiral. First it was all the what ifs that got me and then it was substances that got me after that.

Now most of the time it feels fine until its just me trying to sleep or im not distracted if that makes since, I’ve also quit the substances as much and I’m in a much better place mentally.

But it’s been some time now since any of that, yet i still feel this way. Especially, when I’m alone at night. Im fine throughout the day when im working, gaming,listening to music. But every night she comes back. Ill either think of something we did, a memory or a plan we had and then its just like im back at square one.

I just feel stuck right now and don’t know what direction to take. What does it take?

Why is my 4 month relationship hitting harder than my 2 year relationship. She knew I wasn't ready, love bombed me, told me she loved me 3 days before she blindsided the absolute hell out of me saying "were not compatible". Holy fuh I would not wish this on my worst enemy. Its been a month and shit is stabbing me through and through. Someone tell me it will be okay.

I’m 29F, and my ex is in his early 39s with two children. We were together for over a year in a serious long-distance relationship.
I became very close to his children, spent a lot of time at his home in Paris, and we discussed a future together, including eventually living in the same city. I genuinely believed we were building something serious.
However, our relationship wasn’t perfect.
He had a pattern of withdrawing or ghosting me whenever things became difficult. This happened around three times before. Sometimes I was the one who tried to end things because I couldn’t handle the uncertainty, but he would fight to get me back, call repeatedly, apologize, tell me he loved me, and say he couldn’t lose me.
We would reconcile, and things could be wonderful for months before the same behavior happened again.
The conflict in Paris
During one of my visits to Paris, I discovered something involving another woman, which seriously affected my trust in him.
Around the same period, he found old conversations between me and my ex-husband. There was confusion about the dates displayed on the messages, and I tried to explain the situation and show him evidence.
This created tension and mistrust between us.
However, we didn’t break up, he asked me if we can start a new page and we had an amazing time. We continued spending time together, and things seemed good again. Even after I returned to Lithuania, we continued discussing our future, children, and the possibility of closing the distance, by me relocating to his city.
He even told me that he hadn’t been thinking about breaking up.
The breakup
Then he started withdrawing again.
I tried to communicate with him, called him, and asked what was happening. At first he said he never thought about breakup, and then I was like calling all day because I was anxious and Eventually, he told me he couldn’t continue the relationship, that he wasn’t doing well, and that he needed to focus on his children and work.
He said I deserved someone who could give me more attention.
I was heartbroken and tried to convince him to reconsider. Eventually, I sent a loving goodbye message, accepted his decision, and stopped contacting him.
We’ve now been separated for approximately 3–4 weeks, the longest we’ve ever been apart without reconciling.

His behavior since the breakup
This is what’s confusing me.
During his previous ghosting episodes, he would completely avoid watching my Instagram and Snapchat stories.
This time, he’s watching EVERY story I post, consistently within the first hour and sometimes within minutes, from his personal and business accounts.
I’ve stopped chasing him and continued living my life. I’ve been posting my gym activities, running, nights out, university events, my business, conferences and other everyday moments.
He even continues watching while he’s away on vacation with his children.
Recently, he removed me from Apple Family Sharing, which hurt because we’d shared subscriptions and music. I did not say anything and 1 week after he removed my name from Netflix knowing I can still access to it.
Yet he hasn’t removed me from social media, and he still has many of my belongings at his home, despite my request to return them.
He hasn’t contacted me directly, though.
Another detail is that he once told me his previous ex contacted him asking questions when he removed her from Apple Family Sharing. This makes me wonder whether he expected me to react similarly.
After the breakup he accepted gifts I had already bought, and he spoke to my sister once.
I know it’s possible he’s simply separating our lives gradually while remaining curious about me.
But this is the first time I’ve stopped chasing him completely, and his behavior is noticeably different from previous separations.
My family member lives in same city and country as I’ve booked ticket before the breakup but now idk if I should go or not I’m scared to be anxious and disturb my detachment process, also my friend lives there and asked me to ask him to send my clothes to her address.

He keeps using my YouTube account even after he removed me from Apple subscription and netflix profile
My questions:
Do you think he’s genuinely moving on, or could he still be emotionally conflicted?
Could removing me from Apple Family Sharing while leaving every other connection intact be an attempt to provoke a reaction?
Why would someone who previously avoided my stories suddenly watch every single one so quickly after ending the relationship?
Has anyone experienced an ex coming back after several weeks of silence, particularly after a breakup involving mistrust?
I still love him and would consider giving the relationship one more chance if the communication and trust issues could genuinely change.
However, I’ve decided not to contact him again.
I’d really appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who’ve experienced something similar.

he (34 age) broke up with me (32 age) 45 days ago (month and half)
i accepted the break up and did not argue or beg or anything
and i went for no contact the next day if not on the same mint
he is still following me on Instagram
He- the dumper: the first few days after the breakup he likes few posts and re-posts like it is fine to be alone it is better that way .... another one that he wont get married until he find the girl of his dreams .. and so on just few of that
Me - the dumped one: i didn't post any thing for the first 30 days and then i started to post stories and like or re-post some other posts random funny natural somethings like that he saw couple of my stories

lets get honest i want him back but i need him first to know my value and really miss :
-how could i use Instagram without texting him as he is the one who left and it wasn't my fault ?
- posting me doing presentation at work would help realise what he lost or pic of me wearing dress and having fun ?! i do have both already i am just asking what concept would made a man realise what is he is missing and fear of losing me forever

We broke up after 4 years of dating and numerous break-ups in between and then getting back together within a week. The relationship itself was really toxic but somehow we used to find our way back to each other. My entire college life was me dating this guy. Since he's two years older than me, he graduated before me (in 2024). Since then we have been doing long distance. He got a job in 2025 in a place which is like 2 hours away from my college just so he could be near me. He used to visit me on the weekends. I haven't really experienced this kind of intimacy before. We literally were like an open book to each other. Though, there was some cheating involved from both of our ends back in 2023(within the first year of dating). After that, we have been loyal asf to each other. He left his job at the end of 2025 and it has been purely long distance ever since. We had so many fights after that. Maybe distance was the reason. The last fight we had was maybe the breaking point of out relationship which was when we decided we're not healthy for each other. It has been 18 days since we last talked. Overall he is a really good person, the best person I have ever met. its just that we aren't compatible with each other. Deep down I want him to reach out to me but I am afraid that if I reciprocate we are gonna go back to each other and the vicious cycle would begin again. But at the same time, I wanna be in his arms so bad. The first week of no contact was fine. Its getting really hard for me as the days pass by. I wake up everyday with this feeling of dread that I have lost the love of my life especially because I have never imagined my life without him and I had decided to marry him but the fact that we might not get married after all scares the shit out of me. I cry everyday because of my mixed feelings. I miss him so bad yet I don't want him to reach out but at the same time , I hope he does. I honestly dont think i will get this type of intimacy with anyone else. Please dont tell me to move on in the comments. Thats the only thing I am tired of hearing from people.

In my (F 32) case It was a toxic relationship. My very first long relationships we were engaged. He (M 35) broke up with me in May 2023. We stayed together since March 2021. Why am I still thinking about him so intensely after years have gone by? They said with time it will get better. I can’t even be with someone else without feeling guilty about him. I still have hope he would come back.
How could he have moved on so quickly? No pain no remorse no regrets. He was controlling abusive and did not respect my boundaries. I know he’s bad for me but why am I still hung up over him?

I recently visited a city we had been together to. I couldn’t stop crying as I went to the same places we had. My heart. I decided to send him a message last Saturday. He hasn’t replied. Not sure he’s seen it.

It’s not limerence. I know what limerence is and I’m also experiencing it with another person…

Tonight I saw my ex took a full body mirror selfie looking pretty good. I just know its only a matter of time so I muted her accounts and now I have to be disciplined enough to NEVER EVER look at her Ig story moving forward… I have started a new IG account with only 12 followers and I have to focus on ME, MYSELF and I. We still have to communicate to a lesser degree for business reasons but that could be done by email or text but I dont even want her text thread in my phone anymore.

She’s 37 and is looking to get engaged, married and start a family so I know she will put herself out there alot! This is my story and I have to move on for GOOD.

Tonight was a warning shot because the LAST thing I need is to spiral out of control during times like these.

Godbless everyone!

Im very new to relationships (f23), and just split with a guy i was dating for 3 months. We both decided i needed more than he was able to give, attention wise. And with his job plus a family that was changing drastically with how much they needed/relied upon him, it just wasnt working in the last 2 weeks of the relationship. I miss him, yes. Alot. But the thing that keeps my mind running is during our last phone call, we ended on good terms. Him stating “we could be friends if youre open to that” and “if you ever want to hang out, just reach out.”

Or the infamous “if we connect later at better times of our lifes, i wouldnt be opposed to trying us again”

Im very aware it hasnt been very long since that call on September 1st, but it just makes my stomach twist with the thought he only said it to soften the blow of the situation. But part of me really does believe him, he never gave me a moment to distrust him, or think hes the guy to just say things. he has a very demanding job (plumber who works 4 12hr shifts a week) and with whats going on with his family…hes a busy guy. but i so badly just want to send him a text calling him out on his bull and say he should’ve just been upfront with his feelings in the beginning. Because that little proposition is what makes me think about him and i want to stop cause it hurts too much. Cause he probably isnt thinking of me.

I should probably just keep quiet right..?

Im glad I texted you, but I regret it as well. Your response was kind and apologetic at least, an indication that our relationship didn't mean nothing to you. Compared to when your actions proved the opposite during our end, but still with one line from your text back, I just feel devastated, to you I was "One of your best relationships".

For me, you were the first even semi decent love I ever experienced, I never had that best friend to rant to, I never had a family look out for me, I never had a relationship that wasnt unsteady and unhealthy. Where sacrificing pieces of myself seemed to be the only way I could be loved.

I blamed myself for everything thrown at my feet.

You were the first person to make me feel seen.

I guess maybe it's jealousy, jealous that you could have more then one decent person in your life treat you with kindness, respect and understanding. That those people surround you on all sides

Or maybe it's my jealousy that someone else could even compare to what I thought we had, just

Everything

You talked about how you have wanted to share with me your experiences, that there's so many things you wish you could say over these years, but I fear that I haven't made anything of myself, my situation just as chaotic as it ever was , but what do you do when ever decision to trust someone has backfired and everyone you're supposed to be able to rely on isn't there, I'm lonely and hurt, but I've always been alone, I'll just keep walking with the memories of when I felt worthy.

How would you feel about an app or a feature in instagram or tiktok or Snapchat where before you post a story or a post an AI stalker tries to find you from it and then fixes the clues it used then makes it try again ?

For context, I don’t talk to my situationship anymore but I still think about them every other minute it seems. It’s been 5 months no contact and it seems I just keep missing them more as time goes. I’ve been told that I should get the ick thinking about someone not choosing me but I just keep thinking about how I just was the one who messed it up and it’s my fault we’re not together. Any advice to get over someone quicker? I just want to reach out but also don’t want to look desperate.

My ex broke up with me 3+ weeks ago and we have been in no contact during that time. I just feel so alone in my house by myself especially at night knowing I would be laying right next to her, kissing, and talking about life. It really does break my heart.

Now I just feel like a complete loser. I lost someone that meant everything to me, so I just feel like a complete failure even though it may not have even been my fault. I just contemplate daily what I could have done better including how I could have treated her better, not taken her for granted, and showed more effort. It’s all what if now but when you fail, you tend to reflect on what you did wrong and how to improve it in the future.

But as I sit here alone typing this, I just can’t help feel how alone I truly feel without her. She was all the joy and excitement in my life and now that she’s gone, I feel I have no direction, no purpose, no motivation.

I know people have been telling me to work on towards focusing on becoming the best version of myself which I have been doing but it’s just hard to live and enjoy life again when she made me the happiest I have ever been and gave me so much purpose. Now I just feel stuck and lost without her.

Curious to hear anybody else’s thoughts on whether they have ever felt the same way…

I have been on and off with this guy for five years now.

I told him today I’m done… again. It’s always me cutting off contact then coming back to him at a weak moment months later just for the cycle to repeat.

The list of why things won’t work is long. We are both toxic to each other. I care for him but I care for me more.

Just venting…

What if she texts me? What if she calls?

That’s all I hold on to.

my girlfriend and i (both 19f) broke up a couple weeks ago because of mental health reasons that resulted in her being very fearful avoidant and self sabotaging her way out of the otherwise healthy relationship. she was very sure she still loves me and wants to be with me, but she needs to work on herself, and when she's healed enough, she wants to re-enter my life (whether that's as a friend or as my girlfriend is really up in the air).

i don't know what to do or what any of this means. we've been no contact since, but we didn't remove location or spams (only spotify - there were a few days between unfollowing me and taking our shared playlist down/unliking my playlists). yesterday she posted something on her spam that was lowk immature and implied she was the victim in this situation, which arguably she isn't: she broke up with me, she didn't give me a chance to fix mistakes i made that she'd brought up, she's been the one removing me from things. i'm frustrated by this because i think that i'm more justified in making petty posts, and i'm refraining.

i am a very patient person and i'm secure in myself and my friendships. my life is very full. but at the same time i love and miss her beyond words, and i want the stability she brought me back in my life. it is, for me, to some extent, a choice on how long i wait. when she broke up with me, she implied (not directly stated) a long time - a year or so. i think our relationship moved really quickly (we were together for about 5 months and knew each other for 6) and i'm more inclined to think it'll take less time, maybe a couple months.

how long is it appropriate to wait for her? i don't want to hold out hope any longer than i have to.