I'm a male in my 30's. My lady is in her late 20's. We've been together for a few years now. The first two years I felt like she desired me more, she would initiate things more, was more receptive to me initiating, etc. It slowed down as relationships do, but it also slowed down to a point in some areas where I started questioning if she still found me attractive. I realize this is most likely due to birth control as well, but there were some aspects before she started her new pill where she just stopped being sexual with me like she used to be.
To preface this, I love everything about her. She is the love of my life. I really don't see myself sacrificing this relationship over sex; however, it can sometimes be hard for me to understand from her perspective. I do my best to try.
We are strong in our communication and have talked in depth multiple times. She noticed her libido tanked as well. I generally have a high libido. I could go just about every other day. We did go every other day for basically two years. She said she could now go weeks without it. We learned she has developed responsive desire and have tried to adapt. We also settled on scheduling sex at least two times a week. This allows her to think about it throughout the week and she can get herself mentally ready for it. It's not a set schedule. Sometimes we will skip the week and that is okay.
I guess my issue is that before her BC, which she does not want to change and I don't want her to either, we used to be more spontaneous and she used to desire me more. I went from getting a surprise blowjob every few months to having to ask for one if I want one (which I hate doing). I ask her quite often (maybe 3 times a week) if I can go down on her because I absolutely love it. She only asks to go down on me if she rejects me when I try to initiate sex. Most of the time she doesn't want me to, but sometimes she will let me go down on her and it will lead to sex. We had a long talk one time because we went on a trip and stayed in a hotel for 4 days. I tried to initiated and she didn't want to. I tried again a couple days later and it was a no. I don't know about you, but I get horny when I'm in a hotel for some reason. It felt bad, but I sucked it up. She asked if I would rather have a blowjob one night. I just wanted to be intimate with her, not get off, so I said no. She pressed it again and I said yes. She wanted me to get some stuff from the car and then after I came back she basically forgot about it. That felt bad too. It can be difficult because I would do anything in a heartbeat to please her if she wanted me to. I always put her pleasure above mine.
Its not like she isn't a sexual person. Or at least she used to be. She has had more sexual partners than me by a lot and has talked about stuff she has done. I have only ever had 6 versus her 20. I'm pretty kinky and she is vanilla. I don't mind that because she doesn't mind some of my kinks but some are off limits for her (anal). Not a huge deal to me.
I also ensure that I am doing my fair share around the house and make sure I am available to her. I go out of my way to do the small things in life for her because I love her. So there isn't anything for her to be stressed about or worry about at home or even in general. I'll make sure I go out and get groceries and shit like that so she can do her thing, which I don't mind doing. Just wanted to clear that up because I know most people say the man isn't doing his part around the house. I also love cuddling her. We cuddle every day and are intimate/close without sex. Her presence is enough for me. Although, we could probably makeout more often. That is something that has dwindled over time.
I don't know if I am overthinking this or being selfish because at times it feels like it even though it probably isn't. It makes me feel like a sex addict sometimes. I have testosterone coursing through my blood and I love my woman dearly and am hopelessly attracted to her. Any good book recommendations for this stuff? Should I look into counseling? Any supplements to help her with her libido since her discontinuing her BC is off the table? Sorry for the long rant. Feels good to get off my chest though.