Throwaway account.

I’m a woman in my early twenties. I’ve been like this since around middle/high school. It’s the weirdest thing ever; I don’t get aroused very easily, except for certain scenarios.

I could meet the person of my dreams and be invited into bed only to go “eh, rather watch a movie”.

Essentially the scenario goes like this; let’s say I’ve got an essay I need to print, drive to my college and submit in an hour. I don’t have enough of the essay done; the time crunch between me finishing and submitting on time is extremely slim, close to being a late turn in.

That scenario and many like it, get me so soaking wet I cannot focus on anything else. Late to work and my boss is mad? Turned on to the max. Overwhelmed with assignments, don’t know where to start, deadlines looming? I have to take breaks to relieve myself. Friends been waiting on me for a couple minutes to finish getting ready and come out to be picked up? Flushed and jittery.

I have to stress that this issue I have has not ruined my life yet. But it’s come close to getting me in trouble at work, caused me to miss deadlines, have people waiting on me, etc.

It’s not directed at any one person or any one thing. It is specific to if know I’m running out of time and will face negative consequences, I’m further unable to do what needs to be done because my body is wired for sound.

I do not believe this is a porn related issue considering I never consume the material. It makes me feel gross.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Last week I found out my cousin killed his wife. Their three kids were home. He hurt himself right after, and now he's in jail charged with murder. He'll probably be in prison for most of the rest of his life, maybe all of it.

I live across the country and only saw that side of the family every few years, so I keep hearing about it through my mom and other relatives, and reading news articles about someone I grew up with. It feels unreal. One minute I'm angry at him, the next I'm heartbroken for her and their kids, and then I catch myself feeling sad for him too, and I don't know if I'm allowed to feel that.

Apparently there were warning signs. He'd been arrested months ago for hurting her and was out on bail with a restraining order. I keep wondering what was going through his head, whether he's thinking about his mom or his kids right now, and whether I'll ever see him again.

His mom, my aunt, turns 74 this weekend. I don't even know what to say to her.

I don't really have a question. I just needed to say it somewhere. If anyone's been through something like this in their family, how did you deal with it?

I don’t want to tell my friends about this because it feels like bragging. But my boyfriend of five years is so good at hyping me up and last night it made me cry a bit from feeling so loved and seen.

I am just a regular gal most of the time but every now and then I get asked to speak in public on a topic I know about. I did that last night, just to a really small audience. It had been ages since I’d done an event and I was a bit nervous, but it was so fun and it reminded me how much I love doing it. I felt really good and had a great time.

After I was done my boyfriend found me and it was like he had love hearts floating around his head like a cartoon. He spent the next like… half an hour telling me how smart I am, how talented, how good I was at that, how nice and thoughtful I seemed, how I’m such a good person (?) and how he’s so lucky to be with me. I got really teary and had to ask him (lovingly) to stop.

I don’t know I’ve just never been with someone who is so quick to praise me in this way, and who is so genuine about it. He wasn’t trying to get anything from me for it, he was just saying those things because he meant them and he loves me. Previous boyfriends would have tried to tear me down or make it all about them. He said he’s lucky but really I am the lucky one.

And yes I know the bar for men is in hell!!! But it’s still nice when they clear it.

So many fucking questions about the most inane things, and usually not related to the work we are doing.

Do you know coworker X?

Not really.

In which section does he work?

I don't know. You can check Teams

I think he works in section Y.

Okay.

Do you know when he started?

I said I don't know him, you can ask yourself.

And this won't be the end of the "conversation".

Because of this fucking moron I have to work from home several times a week even though I hate it. He can't read facial cues, he can't take no for an answer and he does not understand that I do not care about the things he cares about.

I really try to be nice because he is a good kid at heart, but I just can't take it anymore. I genuinely am starting to hate his fucking guts

I was at a party. He kept flirting with me and I thought "you know what, fuck it" and went along for a kiss.

It was very anticlimactic. I guess I expected to feel some grandiose revelation or at least anything new, but it was boring. I'm more focused on the fact that it was my first time kissing someone taller than me.

I don't know how to feel. It was so not the mindblowing thing I expected that I think I should just move on and focus on what I'll eat for dinner tonight.

TL;DR : used to be very homophobic. kissed dude because you only live once. overrated experience.

I’ve always known we’ve been very politically apart, I wasn’t aware it was this much. I feel so disappointed and sad.

I have a 2 year old boy.

He was super healthy, chubby, a perfect baby up until 9 months when he stopped growing, was crying too much, had rash, puffy eyes etc.

It took us about 6 months to understand that we need to remove both gluten and dairy.

He started thriving and getting better.

If he is at home, isolated, under our control and what he eats, it's good. If he goes to kindergarten, grandparents' houses and everywhere, he gets the symptoms.

He doesn't have the genes for celiac, but is totally affected by this.

My husband and I are both very depressed.

All the products in all the markets contain either gluten or milk.

We cook at home, but it's tiring.

My kid won't have a normal childhood, watching others eat cakes, pizzas, pastas, going to restaurants, parties and travelling.

We used to travel a lot with my husband, now we can't go anywhere because we can't eat except a prepared meal at home.

When we go outside, we see all the places our kid won't be able to go to, or will watch others do it but not him.

We want to be an example for him on how to approach this, but how can I be an example when I am devastated.

I thought there was some hope to overcome this, but the pediatrician says it's a forever thing. He says it every time and it's like a reality check.

I can't find hope and can't enjoy his childhood.

He's smaller than all of his peers, skinnier if he is out there in the world.

We can't keep him home forever.

Hey all life is feeling bleak.

I used to dabble in so many hobbies and loved trying creative things but these past couple years I have no drive left in the tank.

And the root cause of all my feelings is AI at the moment.

It's undoubtedly the next step in technology but holy cow do I wish it never existed.

I'll give some examples -

I used to write a lot of songs with my guitar. And of course we as people love sharing stuff like that with others. But even if it is a truly authentic piece I wrote, there will always be a non zero chance somebody would think I used AI to help me write it :/ and that's a really shitty feeling.

I like writing too. Short stories mainly. A lot of times stuff I thought of in dreams I would write down before I forgot but I stopped doing that too recently. Things like text or writing is so easy to generate at the click of the button.

To add to the writing thing I stopped reading books too. (Especially with new books) I'm terrified at the thought that a random author I find turns out to be a bot and I'm just reading generative text instead of a person's imagination coming alive. How saddening. Seriously.

I tried my hand at coding and always thought a little side project of creating a game would be cool but lets state the obvious, there's not really a point in learning all that jargon when an AI is coding at light speeds. Why even pursue that anymore.

So lately I've been feeling a bit forced but am exploring more real tangible things I can do. Something I can put my mark on. I bought a camera recently and am trying out photography. I also thought of trying to paint.

Are there any other hobbies that people can't just say I possibly AI generated? This just sucks all around.

They screwed up their own lives. Why did they have to have children and pass on their own low IQ problems? It's not fair.

My birth parents have never succeeded at any job, been able to make/keep friends, accomplished anything, succeeded in romance, or made it past college. My birth mum only complains about stupid shit when she talks. Things anyone can easily solve. Or she complains about the doctor asking her to exercise because she doesn't want to, or she complains about visitors expecting her to use the bin for her rubbish. I can't have any meaningful or interesting conversation with her.

They have no complicated or advanced hobbies, only very basic things like drawing half-legible pictures on paper 🤦‍♀️ which look like a child scribbling

My birth mum is very pretty but not intelligent at all, and not a kind person either. She embarrasses me by fitting the stereotype trope of the "dumb/mean/bad personality but pretty" person.

My brother stares at tv all day and never says anything, and my sister has never had an original thought.

Following in their footsteps, purely by accident, I failed every job I ever landed, failed every course I every tried, couldn't understand how to make friends until very, very late in life, have trouble understanding the difference between what is mean vs what is nice, most social skills I had to make a very deliberate and conscious effort to learn, I couldn't make it past school since I couldn't understand 95% of the material.

Life feels like it's on Hard Mode for me and Easy Mode for everyone else, and I'm seriously starting to worry about my future work prospects.

(On a side note: My adoption "family" were like painfully obvious evil cartoon villains from my very earliest memories of them. It still took me an unbelievably long time to realize they weren't trustworthy. I feel embarrassed it took me so long, and I still loved them unconditionally and couldn't see through their villain disguises.)

Some people should not be allowed to breed...

It snowed tonight, and honestly, it was such a vibe. The sky was dark and moody, the wind was swirling, and I could see snowflakes falling right in front of me while pumping gas. There was something so cozy about it that I immediately pictured myself lighting scented seasonal candles, watching Netflix with the fireplace on, and drinking tea. As much as I love the cozy energy , I know that once the holidays are over, I’ll be counting down the days until spring. It literally snowed in May earlier this year, and winter felt like it would never end. But for now, once Halloween is over, I’m ready for Boney M. and Michael Bublé season. I can smell the perfume at the mall while Christmas shopping and hear the music playing already!!

Yes, there have been good times in these forty years, but on balance, no, I have not had a good time. If reincarnation existed and were optional, it would be vehemently refused. When my time comes -- whenever and however that may manifest -- I'll be relieved to leave it behind, no matter that my personal belief is that nothing awaits me aside from oblivion. Oblivion will surely be much less of a pain in the goddamned ass.

As for those who would be left behind and might even "mourn" me, well, as John Lennon once sang, "And so, dear friends, you'll just have to carry on."

Thank you if you take the time to read this.

I’m 31. My sister (36) is an addict. Some would say a junkie. Some would say a waste of human flesh. Some would say not worthy of life. Among many other comments on video of her that went viral in all the nearby cities.

This video has triggered an extensive amount of trauma and deep emotional problems for me. I know I’ll never let go of her, I know I will always love her; but the “breakthrough” I had 5 years ago was that it isn’t my fault; nor can you choose how someone lives their life. I feel like my “strong” mind frame, came to a crumble.

I’m aware drinking is my coping mechanism so I went sober for 2 weeks the day I saw this video. Unfortunately, I am drinking again, in fact I’m drinking right now.

My boyfriend says there is deep rooted trauma; he’s not wrong. I just thought I already dealt with it.

When I was a child, I didn’t understand it. I became a teen and realized what was going on. I became a young adult and blamed myself. Acceptance phase came, all I can do is help, make sure she’s loved and safe but I didn’t make the choices for her. Years and years of being there, sometimes she’d ask for cash for “new boots”, I’d say let go buy them. I was vigilant on ensuring I wasn’t enabling the habit; regardless of if I was still being manipulated.

She moved out of a place one time and left everything as is. I was the one to go clean it up. Broken TVs, tinfoil, rotting cans, clear pipes, drugs. I wore a mask and gloves and just wondered “why?”. I stored some of her things in my garage; and only saw her 3-4 times again.

Present time: She was recently in jail for a year. I hadn’t seen her in 1.5 years. I visited every 2 weeks. She got out, I picked her up, the first thing she wanted was for me to drop her off at a go station. I said no, told her she staying at my house, we’re having sister time as planned. I got her all the necessities, even a phone with a plan. We spend the next day together and she asked to get dropped off to meet a friend at a coffee shop. I dropped her off, I met the friend. BOOM MIA, I checked a few shelters in the area she said she was going with no luck.

This was in April and I haven’t seen her since, until this video.

Please note: there has been extensive support; (including proper private rehabs, housing, emotional support etc) for her from our family until about 2022. I don’t blame anyone in my family deciding to completely detach. My dad would still do anything in his power to help, he did many times but has also accepted it’s the way she’s choosing to live. She doesn’t want sobriety.

I moved to my small town in 2001, my parents followed in 2006. My mom's health has been in steady decline for the past 5 years and my dad took care of her, so they've been housebound for a few years now. Yet, my dad's phone has been ringing off the hook, both landline and cell. Calls and texts.

In the 26 years that my family (of now 6, 14yo youngest) has lived here, we've had friends stay with us on numerous occasions. From a few days to a few months. We've helped hundreds throughout the years with my serious couponing. Me and my husband both helped with band for six years, from middle all through high school. We've had 18 years of youth cheer combined into 10 between my three girls. I coached/assisted coached 4 years. Photographed homecoming three different years. Hubby was a glorified "water boy" running all the things at home games. I was also active in animal rescue. Me and a sponsor fixed, vaccinated and found places for over 71 cats and kittens in one season. I photographed several senior pics and other important moments through the years. I've had dozens of "adopted" kids throughout the years. Kids that would run up to me and give me a hug and tell me all about their lives. I was the mom that they could come to, no matter what. My door was always open. Kids that are now full fledged adults. Plus through the kids, I knew their parents. I was always there for everybody and anybody. This isn't a pat on the back, this is to show how big my world is, well was, now. I guess.

It's been a week today. She didn't want a big thing, she got cremated and we're going to do a small celebration of life when my dad is ready. There weren't many around at the end, so it'll just be us ...

Still, It's been an entire week... and yet my phone has been absolutely silent. Not a "I'm sorry for your loss". Not a "you'll be in my prayers". Not a single "I'm here for you". Not one.

I've got over 2,100 contacts programmed in my phone from the years... and not a single call. Not even a single text. All the people that I thought were "friends". All the people that I thought cared. Genuinely, cared. Nothing. All the efforts that I poured into people.

I got a few responses to my FB post that she passed. Which I will be forever grateful for. But I guess I just had to get this off my chest. In a place where people I thought cared wouldn't feel guilted into a half assed I'm sorry. All these years I thought that I was making a life, making a home, making FRIENDS... and it's been a week and my phone hasn't went off once. No notifications of a call or even a text.

It's been a week... of nothing but silence.

Today is my birthday and I’m sitting here listening to an old voicemail from my ex-girlfriend.

In the recording, she sounds a little nervous. She laughs awkwardly and admits that she doesn’t usually leave voicemails and hasn’t planned what she’s going to say.

Then she starts telling me how much she loves me.
She says she thinks about me every day, multiple times a day. That she wonders what I’m doing and what kinds of things are making me smile. She tells me I’m adorable. That I’m perfect.

She says she misses kissing my cheek and watching TV together. Just those little, ordinary moments that probably didn’t seem particularly important at the time.

And then she says, “I love you.”

More than once.

What breaks my heart isn’t just what she’s saying. It’s the way she says it. The nervous laughter, the pauses, the tenderness in her voice. She sounds so genuinely happy to be in love with me.

At one point in my life, someone loved me enough to leave a rambling voicemail just because she missed me and wanted me to know how much I meant to her.

And now she’s my ex.

There’s something devastating about hearing someone speak about you with so much affection, knowing that whatever existed between you is now in the past.

It’s like listening to a little piece of a world that doesn’t exist anymore.

I keep thinking about the person I was when she recorded it. Someone who had a girlfriend who thought about him throughout the day. Someone who was missed. Someone who was loved.
I wonder whether I’ll ever experience something like that again.

I think that’s what’s hurting the most today. It’s not simply that I’m single on my birthday. It’s remembering what it felt like to be loved so openly and tenderly and realizing how much I miss that feeling.

I miss having someone who thinks about me when I’m not around. Someone who wants to tell me about her day. Someone who finds happiness in something
as simple as watching tv together.

I know relationships end. I know feelings change. I know the fact that someone loved you once doesn’t mean they’ll love you forever.

But knowing all of that doesn’t make listening to her voice any easier.

Somewhere in that recording is a version of my life where I was somebody’s favorite person.

And today, on my birthday, I wish I could go back there, even if just for a little while.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I guess I just needed somewhere to put the sadness.
I miss being loved like that.

At the time, I (16F) had this huge crush on this guy (16M) in my APES class but i never could talk to him. We had completely separate friend groups so I had no reason to interact with him. He was really cute and I was mid so I realized I had no chance.

There was this ships instagram page going around my high school and obviously nobody really cared about it since it was silly, and the ships were genuinely stupid. I made a whole burner account to dm the page and ask them to make a post about us. They did and i pretended to have no idea when my friends sent me the post. There were literally only 2 comments on the post. One was his friend poking fun at him and the other was him asking "who even is that". During APES, i very purposefully talked about the post loudly to my friends, saying I had no clue who the guy was. I made eye contact with him and went "OHMIGOD YOURE THE GUY FROM THE POST". He looked uncomfortable. I tried to converse with him about who it could be but he did NOT engage. There genuinely was no valid reason anyone should think we were together. We never talked again.

The post got buried, we graduated, and never crossed paths again. I'm 19 now and I still think about him sometimes and cringe. I hope he's doing well. I still kinda like him.

My wife (40) and I (41) have been married 15 years. Two kids, nice house, both employed, etc. I still very much find her attractive, and make sure to let her know that with comments and gestures, but we are only having sex roughly once every six weeks or so at this point. When we do have sex it’s always at night, lights off, missionary or occasionally doggy, no foreplay or any sort of passion or excitement. I’m 1000% willing and would love to go down on her, use toys, try literally anything she might be into etc. but she has no interest in receiving (or giving) oral or doing anything to get her in the mood. Strangely enough, when we do have sex she agrees it’s good! I can get her off just through penetration, but she really has no interest in being sexual. My main sexual outlet is taking care of things myself. I feel like I’m doing all the things I’m supposed to as a husband and father. My salary is the main source of income for our family (roughly 2x hers), I’m very involved with my kids and their school/activities, I do the majority of the laundry and dishes around the house, all the yard work, I workout several times a week to keep myself in good shape but it’s like she’s no longer sexually attracted to me. She will comment on how handsome I am, but there is barely any physical touch anymore, which I have expressed multiple times in the past is something that’s important to me. She has become very touch averse, so I go days at a time without touching her sometimes as she doesn’t like the contact. I often feel very lonely when I’m at home and it feels like we are falling more into a roommate setup than a healthy marriage. I’ve expressed these thoughts to her before, but nothing seems to change. I know she is less comfortable with her body after having two kids (both are double digit ages now), but I make sure to let her know I like how she looks and that I’m very much still turned on by her body. She’s very confident about her looks publicly and with clothes on, but she’s always covering up at home when changing or doesn’t want me to see or touch most spots on the rare occasion I get so see her naked. I still definitely love her, our kids, and our family, but I’m just super sad and frustrated at this point.

I'm 17F from Afghanistan, and today I finally took the TOEFL iBT.

I honestly can't describe how I feel right now. My results aren't out yet, but somehow, I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

For the past 10 months, I studied for 3–5 hours almost every night, on my own. No fancy courses, no expensive resources, no tutor sitting beside me. Just a cheap notebook, a pen, and me, trying my best to build a future for myself.

There were nights when I was exhausted, nights when I doubted myself, and nights when I wondered whether all this effort would actually lead somewhere. But I kept going, because I knew what was waiting on the other side of this exam mattered so much more than the temporary comfort of giving up.

I'm from Afghanistan, where pursuing higher education isn't a straightforward path for everyone. For me, this exam represents much more than a score. It's a chance to apply to universities abroad, to continue my education, and to move a little closer to a future I've been working toward for so long.

I know the TOEFL is just one exam, and I still have a long way to go. But after 10 months of preparation, sitting down today and finally taking it felt like closing one difficult chapter of my life.

I probably should've waited until my results came out before posting this, but I couldn't keep these feelings to myself anymore. I gave it my best, and I'm genuinely hopeful that I'll get my desired score.

Whatever the results turn out to be, I'm proud of myself for making it this far.

To anyone out there working toward something quietly, with nothing but a notebook, a pen, and a dream: I hope you make it. And I hope one day you get to look back and realize that all those nights weren't for nothing.

Last Friday, I met a girl around my age on a flight. She was sitting next to me, and I spontaneously opened my Notes app and wrote, “Do you want to play tic-tac-toe?” She didn’t understand what I meant at first, so I drew the grid, and we started playing. We also played rock-paper-scissors, and somehow that turned into a conversation that lasted almost the entire two-hour flight.

We talked about pretty much everything: traveling, our studies, jobs, hobbies, food, perfumes, gym, and our lives. She asked me questions too, including follow-up questions about my studies and work.

There was plenty of eye contact, smiling, and laughing. Overall, it felt like a genuinely nice interaction.

She asked for my Instagram herself. We also talked about meeting up, when we’re both back. She suggested a particular place, and I suggested a café related to something we’d discussed. I agreed to her suggestion.

When we parted ways, I told her, “It was lovely to meet you…..,” and she responded with something similar. We waved goodbye, and that was it.

The following evening, I messaged her asking about the trip. She replied back later. Her response seemed friendly and reasonably detailed. I’ve followed with asking about something related to our conversation on plane.

Now it’s been without reply. After a more than a day I’ve technically double texted and invited her out, basically continued what we discussed on plane.

I personally don’t think this connection gonna have any continuity but it felt nice to meet someone new. I wish her best.

I just don’t understand I can create high intensity interactions, where we have a great time for a long time. But somehow it does not have any continuity even as friends. Maybe I’m doing something wrong in the end. I just dunno.

Love the sport, teach the sport, have dedicated fifteen years of my life to the sport but for the second time in last last six months one of our local black belts committed a heinous crime against a woman, well actually multiple women only for the school to bury it and allow them to continue teaching.

Yes, just as the title says, my husband cheated on me on his bachelor party (5 days before the wedding) and I still married him.
Now that my husband and I (both 35 but 25 when we got married) have reached our 10 year wedding anniversary, I feel like I can get this off my chest. I have never told anyone close to us before.
My husband (Alex) and I were 5 days from our wedding when he had a bachelor party with his friends in our hometown. We live in a big city and were extremely broke so I dropped him off at the bars around 4pm. About 4 of his friends from medical school were waiting outside and they greeted eachother and went in. I went back to our apartment and continued to work on wedding preparations. He sent me a picture of him and his friends around 8pm. I texted him back saying I’m glad he’s having fun.
I had to work the next day at my teaching job so I texted him at 10pm saying if he wants me to come pick him up, I’ll need to do so by 11pm since I have to work the next day. He texted back saying his friend’s wife will drop him off since they live close by. I said no problem and got ready for bed.
Around midnight, he comes home wasted. Slurring words and pissed off. He was being very loud and at the time we had a roommate so I reminded him to keep it down for the roommate. He got even more mad at me. Cussing at me and saying he wants to get away from me. I was so confused, last time we texted he seemed happy and fine.
Finally, I get him to just lay down and he fell asleep pretty quickly. Call it woman’s intuition but something just seemed off. I went through his phone. I had never done it before but we both knew eachother’s passwords, we would go on each other’s phones all the time no problem. I looked at his messages and nothing seemed off, checked his camera roll and nothing was weird there either. Something in my stomach told me to check the recently deleted folder picture folder. I looked and there was a deleted screenshot of a conversation with an unsaved number. My heart sank. The conversation went like this:
Him: hey it’s Alex from the bar. Is this Lexie with the cute bangs?
Her: heyyy Alex!!
Him: did you get home ok?
And that was the end of the conversation. I sat must have stared at that screen for hours and hours. I thought of every possible scenario that could have happened the night before. 5 days before we were supposed to get married!
When he woke up the next morning, I calmly asked him if he had anything to tell me and he sighed. I asked if he wanted to call Lexie and see how she was doing. He stared crying and apologizing. He said it was a mistake and swore that nothing happened between the two of them. I didn’t believe him. He told me I can ask him any questions and he will truthfully answer. The thing is, I had been with him since I was 19. He had never lied to me before. We had so much planned, a whole future, a fucking wedding in 5 days!!!
The following days I was numb. I went back and forth between calling it all off and going through with it. We sat down many times and talked about all of the outcomes. I wanted to know every detail and he told me, his story never changed each time. I checked with the wife of Alex’s friend. Sent her a casual “thanks for getting Alex home safe” message and she replied no problem!
We got married. We went on our honeymoon. And then we came back and Alex booked a therapist for us the following day. We have gone to therapy every week for 10 years. I look back on my wedding day with sadness. I see the sadness in my eyes in our wedding photos. I even see the sadness in my husband’s eyes. This is something I have had to live with every day but our relationship has grown from it. Alex has become more open and gentler from this. He has grown into someone that not only he is proud of but I am proud to call my husband. He has never stopped apologizing for it and he has gone above and beyond to make sure I always feel comfortable in our relationship. Over the course of 10 years we have had 3 kids, 3 cats, and 2 dogs. We purchased our first home last year. People say cheaters never change and maybe some day Alex will do it again, but all I know is these last 10 years have brought me the best things I’d ever had. I love my kids and the life I have today, but that doesn’t mean I don’t grieve the person I was before I was betrayed.
Well if anyone reads this, I’m really glad to finally get that off my chest lol

Hi everyone,

Just going through a difficult period at the moment.

I currently have a plan, means and intent to take my life, though not for a week or so.

I have a phone appointment with my GP tonight. I know I need help and I am planning on telling him about my situation.

I just don't know what would happen if I do. I know if I tell my psychologist, his duty is to assess my safety and evaluate how severe the risk is.

Just wondering what a GP would have to do. Obviously, we don't have an hour to talk and I would only be speaking to him for 15 - 20 minutes.

I am just having a little cry and pity party for myself because every guy I’ve dated would be really nice to me; interested in the beginning and after months or even years just leave me. Then, treat me really badly as if I never meant anything to them. I just feel so sad and I’m getting up in age, but I just don’t feel like dating because it’s so hurtful.

the last few days he keeps bringing them up over the most ridiculous things. one example was that they’d always finish all their food, meanwhile i struggle to finish my food and shamed me for it.

today he found out i had a big collection of lingerie, i’ve had most of my sets for years, but i just like feeling cute in them or wearing them around my house when nobody is home.

well he started to act weird and suspicious and said “well why do you have so many? that’s odd” and i said cuz i thought the designs were cute and that i loved feeling beautiful in them. and he started to say “well none of my exes ever owned a single pair so this is really weird and new territory to me” “it feels like you’re a vulgar woman while they were way more proper”

like wtf? so because i like wearing lingerie it makes me a vulgar woman? and because they didn’t own any lingerie it makes them a “proper woman”? and i got really mad and said something stupid “just because you’ve dated boring vanilla women doesn’t mean you gotta compare me to them” (i know it’s rude and im stupid for saying that but he shouldn’t be comparing me to them and having them be the standard) and then he flipped it on me saying that i was the one comparing myself to them??? like what? i didn’t even bring up his exes until he brought them up? he keeps saying that i have to stop treating everything like a competition when he’s the one constantly bringing them up, and because i tell him it bothers me, suddenly it’s me “competing with them”.

i feel so fucking angry and disrespected, he’s 10 years older than me and acts like a fucking teenager.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had bouts of constipation and really uncomfortable poops. Now, more than half the time I do poop I feel worse afterwards than if I never went at all. This causes me to hold it and judge whether I’ll feel better or worse if I do go.

also if I do poop, it hurts pretty bad, like clothes off and sweating kind. then my butt is on fire afterwards for a little while EVERY TIME.

if I don’t poop for a couple days, I will take laxatives. The last time I had to take 5 doses over a 2 day period to actually be able to go. also, being constipated like that interferes with your life bc u don’t feel up to doing anything due to always feeling uncomfortable.

About once or twice a month, I will begin to have spasms in my large intestine which makes me have 10/10 pain from the cramps and a feeling like I am about to poop my pants. 90% of the time this happens when I’m driving so I’m pulling in to the nearest gas station and attempting to go.

You’d think I’d be able to go right then and there but that’s wrong. I can’t poop for about 10-15 minutes. I eventually will basically blow up the bathroom for 5 mins straight and feel completely fine afterward.