I can't go a day without having something happen that causes me to cry for at least an hour. Very often I am left standing for 2+ hours in one place, locked in a mental loop where I can't move from that spot until I find a solution, but my only options are things I feel that I cannot do, which results in a constant back and forth in my head of "I must do A, but I can't do A until I do B, which I can't do without first doing A...". Most recently I was stuck in a bathroom for over 4 hours, sobbing, standing in place, unable to move because I had run out of soap while my compulsion wasn't complete so I was still "contaminated" and thus couldn't get out to grab the soap I needed to make myself clean.

I can't easily get myself to do things like going to the bathroom, eating, touching things around the house, and going outside because I know if I touch something "contaminated" I will have a breakdown, cry uncontrollably, and have painful nervous tics. Sometimes, if the "contaminated" object/person/location is bad enough I'll have to throw away items that are extremely important to me because I'll never be able to get myself to touch then again even if I keep them for months or years trying to get over it; so out of fear, whenever I feel dirty I don't allow myself to have any of my comfort items in case they get ruined by my OCD. Problem with that being that this feeling will only ever get worse.

When I become dirty from a contaminated situation, I have to take a shower, no matter the time of day, or how tired I am, or how much I desperately don't want to shower again. These showers last anywhere from 3 to 6 hours depending on the day and how well everything goes while I'm inside. Because of how long and draining they are, my mind don't allow me to do almost anything since there is a constant fear that I'm one wrong choice away from wasting an entire day in the shower.

I can't comfortably and consistently pet or hold my animals because they are constantly on the floor or in the litterbox, or on someone's lap, and all three are contaminated areas. I have to be extremely careful washing my hands because if the water gets on me I'll need a shower. I can't touch my own body below the top of my stomach because it's contaminated. I can't sit or sleep comfortably anywhere because I need to make sure no part of my body is too relaxed in case a hand slips and I touch something bad. I can't touch most of the things in my own house because they're contaminated. I can't spontaneously hang out with friends, because the outside world is contaminated. I can't go to certain cities because the whole city is contaminated. I can't buy myself nice things because there's a real possibility I'll have to throw it all out because it gets contaminated. I can't work in my dream field because there's too much contact with contaminates. I can't trust myself on if something dirty did or didn't happen because I have hallucinations of my triggers, like feeling water splash on me when it didn't, and feeling myself touch things that I'm very far away from.

I spend every day of my life fighting myself on compulsions, trying to be brave, and making mistakes that get me dirty. I spend every second of my day feeling like if I just died at least I'd never have to worry about being dirty again, at least the thoughts would stop.

The worst part is, I know it's all in my head, I know not all of these things are truly dirty, and that much of living life is simply accepting that some stuff is a little gross but touching it anyway, but it doesn't matter because no matter what I do it eats at me.

Even if it's not contamination OCD controlling my life, I have relationship OCD that makes me question every part of my relationship. Every tone shift, every simple disagreement, every strange gaze! No matter what it is, I get the feeling that maybe the relationship is doomed, maybe I don't like him enough, maybe he doesn't like me enough, maybe the relationship is abusive, maybe we're about to break up. If it's not that, it's thoughts that make me think about disgusting things which make me physically repulsed. For a whole year as a teen I was plagued with daily disgusting thoughts that made me extremely distressed, the fact that they finally went away eventually was a miracle for me since it was so incredibly upsetting.

I feel like I'm being mentally tortured every single day. I can't go an hour without having something happen that I then need to fight myself over not to do a compulsion for.

No money for a therapist at the moment, so it's just me and my partner fighting it for now. I can really understand why the suicide rates are so high, this disorder takes over your entire life, all while making you look and feel like you're crazy...

I was at a party. He kept flirting with me and I thought "you know what, fuck it" and went along for a kiss.

It was very anticlimactic. I guess I expected to feel some grandiose revelation or at least anything new, but it was boring. I'm more focused on the fact that it was my first time kissing someone taller than me.

I don't know how to feel. It was so not the mindblowing thing I expected that I think I should just move on and focus on what I'll eat for dinner tonight.

TL;DR : used to be very homophobic. kissed dude because you only live once. overrated experience.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had bouts of constipation and really uncomfortable poops. Now, more than half the time I do poop I feel worse afterwards than if I never went at all. This causes me to hold it and judge whether I’ll feel better or worse if I do go.

also if I do poop, it hurts pretty bad, like clothes off and sweating kind. then my butt is on fire afterwards for a little while EVERY TIME.

if I don’t poop for a couple days, I will take laxatives. The last time I had to take 5 doses over a 2 day period to actually be able to go. also, being constipated like that interferes with your life bc u don’t feel up to doing anything due to always feeling uncomfortable.

About once or twice a month, I will begin to have spasms in my large intestine which makes me have 10/10 pain from the cramps and a feeling like I am about to poop my pants. 90% of the time this happens when I’m driving so I’m pulling in to the nearest gas station and attempting to go.

You’d think I’d be able to go right then and there but that’s wrong. I can’t poop for about 10-15 minutes. I eventually will basically blow up the bathroom for 5 mins straight and feel completely fine afterward.

i have to preface this by saying that i absolutely do not think i’m right. i’m actually pretty embarrassed by this as a whole, and it took me a long time to even want to vent about it.

i think i might be the most insecure person i know. i know i’m very pretty and attractive, that is not my issue. my issue is that my insecurity is always triggered by my relationship. my bf is amazing, and he is absolutely obsessed with me so this is 100% me - he doesn’t even know i feel this way.

my insecurity and my comparison problems have become so bad to the point where i’d have to block every pretty girl on social media, to the point where i never want to go out on dates with him and would rather have all of our dates inside, just to avoid the possibility of us running into beautiful / pretty women in public. i am not worried about him cheating. i’m just worried about him seeing a pretty girl and thinking that she’s pretty or catching him staring even though he literally did absolutely nothing for me to feel this way …. it is so pathetic. i see people all the time going out and going on dates, and at this point, i don’t know if that could ever be me. he goes out on his own all the time, which is fine by me, my only issue is me being there and seeing something that can trigger me.

(Sorry if my english is a bit bad, it's not my first language.)

I'm 18, and I recently started university. I'm studying computer science, and lately, I've been questioning a lot of things about myself, my ambitions, and what I'm even doing with my life.

Today, I had an exam, and it went terribly.

I haven't been attending classes consistently because I keep waking up late. I get distracted easily, and sometimes I end up spending hours gaming or watching YouTube when I know I have things I should be doing. I have ADHD and ASD, and I struggle with things that seem relatively simple for other people, like managing my time, staying organized, and consistently doing what I intend to do.

Yesterday, I finally managed to attend a physical class of the subject i had an exam of, after missing so many of them. But even then, I barely understood what was being taught. I thought I had a reasonable understanding of some of the concepts that would appear on the exam, but when I actually sat down to take it, I realized how much I didn't know.

After the exam, I felt absolutely terrible. I started questioning why I even chose my current course, computer science, in the first place. I thought about all the things I'd done wrong, the time I'd wasted, the opportunities I'd missed, and the things I could have done differently. I even started thinking about my own character, my past mistakes, and whether I was making excuses for myself.

I couldn't tell whether I was genuinely struggling or simply failing to take responsibility for my actions.

And I think that's one of the things that hurts the most. I don't know when I'm supposed to be understanding toward myself and when I'm supposed to hold myself accountable. I don't want to use my ADHD and ASD as excuses, but I also know that these conditions genuinely affect how I function. I don't want to blame everything on them, but I don't want to pretend they have no effect on me, either.

I'm constantly stuck between these two possibilities, and I end up feeling guilty either way.

The thing is, I used to feel relatively capable in school. I wasn't the best at everything, and I wasn't exactly at the top of my entire school, but I was good at some subjects such as math. I had things I could look at and say, "Hey, I'm actually good at this."

University feels different.

Now I'm surrounded by people who have their own strengths, abilities, and achievements. People who seem to understand things faster than I do. People who seem more disciplined, more organized, and more capable of handling their responsibilities.

Back in school, I could feel good about being good at something. Now, everyone around me seems to be good at something, too.

And somehow, that makes me feel insignificant.

I know comparing myself to others isn't necessarily productive, but knowing that doesn't stop me from doing it. Sometimes, seeing other people succeed doesn't motivate me to work harder. Instead, it makes me feel like they're simply better than me.

I've also been thinking about ambition lately.

I've always wanted to do well. I want good grades, I want to improve my programming skills, and I want to become someone who can actually build things and do something meaningful with what I've learned.

But I don't know how much of that ambition genuinely comes from me and how much comes from the expectations I've absorbed from other people.

Am I pursuing these things because I genuinely want them, or because I've been taught that I need to achieve something to be worth anything?

I don't know.

My mother has told me that if I don't do well, I'll end up becoming a nobody.

I understand that she might want me to succeed and have a good future, but those words have stayed with me.

I don't believe that anyone is truly a nobody. Everyone is a human being. Everyone has a life, feelings, experiences, and a soul. I would never tell someone that they're worthless simply because they aren't successful.

But when it comes to myself, I struggle to believe the same thing.

I can forgive other people relatively easily, but forgiving myself is a completely different story. When someone else makes a mistake, I can understand that they're human. When I make a mistake, I start questioning my discipline, my character, my intelligence, and sometimes even my entire future.

I keep thinking about the person I could be if I were more disciplined, more focused, and better at managing my life.

I imagine a version of myself who attends every class, understands every lecture, studies when he's supposed to, and actually follows through on the things he wants to accomplish.

Then I look at myself right now, and I feel disappointed.

I know I can't simply wake up one morning and become that person overnight. But I still keep expecting myself to somehow do better, and when I don't, I feel like I've failed myself again.

I recently came across a Reddit post by someone who described feeling burdened by their ambitions. They talked about how even the tiniest tasks felt like enormous obstacles, how they were constantly late and disorganized, and how it felt like their entire life was spent trying to catch up.

One of the comments really stuck with me. The person said that they eventually realized everything around them was the result of their best shot. They had spent so much time feeling ashamed of their symptoms and hoping they would suddenly wake up as a more capable person. Eventually, they started accepting their reality and accommodating the person they already were instead of constantly trying to force themselves to become someone else.

Another person talked about how recognizing the additional difficulties caused by their ADHD changed how they viewed their own accomplishments. Things they had previously dismissed as ordinary suddenly looked like genuine achievements because they understood how much harder those things had been for them.

I understand what they're saying, but I still struggle to apply that kind of thinking to myself.

I can read those comments and understand them intellectually. I can recognize that other people have difficulties that aren't immediately visible. I can tell someone else that they shouldn't give up on themselves.

But when it comes to me, it's as if none of that applies.

I want to accomplish something partly because I genuinely want to be good at what I do. But if I'm being honest, I also want to accomplish something because I want to feel like I matter.

I want to have something that makes me feel proud of myself. Something that makes me feel like I'm not just another person drifting through life without doing anything worthwhile.

And I want someone to recognize that, too.

I want someone to look at me and tell me that I'm good enough, even when I'm not doing well.

Not just when I've achieved something. Not just when I've demonstrated my abilities or shown that I'm doing my best. Not just when there's something impressive about me that someone can point to.

I want to hear it when I'm struggling, too.

Because it feels like people only tell me I'm doing well when they can actually see me doing well. When I'm succeeding, there's something concrete to praise. But when I'm struggling, making mistakes, or falling behind, I don't hear those things.

And eventually, I started wondering whether I only deserve that reassurance when I've earned it.

Today, after that exam, I felt incredibly depressed. I questioned my choice of degree, my habits, my ambitions, my past mistakes, and whether I was making excuses for myself. I questioned whether I was doing enough and whether I even knew what I was doing with my life.

Later, I had another test, which was a bit easier so it felt a bit relieving, ate with my friends, and talked with them. I gradually felt a little better.

But the thoughts are still there.

I've been listening to a song by Berried Alive called "Cranbition," and some of its lyrics have been hitting particularly hard.

One line says, "Never happy unless I get right where I'm going."

It made me think about how difficult it is for me to feel satisfied with myself. There's always somewhere else I think I should be, something else I should have accomplished, or some better version of myself I should be trying to become.

I can never seem to just be where I am without feeling like I'm falling behind.

Another part of the song talks about wanting to turn off doubt, shut down, and install an update. That feeling of wanting to somehow reprogram yourself so you can finally be okay.

I wish I could do that sometimes.

I wish I could stop questioning everything I do. I wish I could stop comparing myself to others. I wish I could stop treating every mistake as evidence that I'm not good enough.

And I wish I knew how to forgive myself.

There's something else that hurts, too.

I tell other people not to give up. I tell myself not to give up, either. I try to encourage people when they're struggling, and I believe that people deserve the opportunity to improve and become better versions of themselves.

But sometimes, I feel like nobody tells me the same thing when I'm the one struggling.

I know people have their own lives and problems. I don't expect everyone to notice when I'm having a difficult time, and I don't expect anyone to magically understand everything I'm going through.

Still, I wish someone would tell me not to give up sometimes.

Not because they expect me to become successful. Not because they want me to prove someone wrong. Not because they think I have some extraordinary potential that would be wasted if I failed.

Just because they don't want me to give up on myself.

I don't want every mistake to become another reason to hate myself. I don't want every achievement to become another temporary justification for feeling worthy. And I don't want to spend my entire life trying to prove that I'm not a nobody.

I want to accomplish things. I want to learn, grow, and build something I'm proud of. I don't want to abandon my ambitions or stop trying.

But I'm tired of feeling like I have to achieve something before I'm allowed to feel that I matter.

I don't know what my ambitions are anymore, or whether I've been pursuing some of them simply because other people expect me to. I don't know how to distinguish between holding myself accountable and being unnecessarily cruel to myself.

I don't have everything figured out.

I'm just an 18 year old first year undergraduate university student who did badly on an exam and somehow ended up questioning his entire existence because of it.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Maybe I need to learn how to forgive myself. Maybe I need to figure out what I actually want instead of constantly chasing an ideal version of myself.

I don't know.

I just know that I don't want to keep feeling insignificant whenever I fall short of my own expectations.

I want to believe that I still matter when I'm struggling, when I'm making mistakes, when I'm behind everyone else, and when I have nothing impressive to show for myself.

I want to believe that I don't have to be exceptional to deserve kindness, including from myself.

And right now, I'm still trying to figure out how to believe that.

I where else to say this but I just need to let it out.

A few nights ago I had this weird feeling as if someone was trying to break into my house. At the time I felt taken a back and turns out it was just something going on at my neighbors house. I had been left feeling really weary and almost sick like for the last few days like something weird was going to happen.

Just yesterday my friend (practically neighbor) calls me and tells me his house got broken in to. I’m not trying to feel like im seeking for attention or im lying about this but I don’t want to tell him that but, it just feels like my body was trying to tell me something was going to happen.

I don’t know if this is appropriate to share here but I just needed to get this off my chest. Sorry if this is all confusing but I just needed to say this somewhere.

I don't even know where to start. I keep having panic attacks and can't sleep at night anymore. I'm 23 still stuck in university due to financial problems and mental Health problems. In my country they don't take this things seriously. Can't even ask my family for help due to being ridiculed and disowned. I can't eat or sleep. I'm in debt my family can't help since I'll lose my home if they knew. I'm in debt due to supporting myself from school hiring people to help me due to can't function now my account balance is 0. I don't know what to do anymore. Can't get a job due to my country only hiring those who are college graduates. Already posted here deleted it since I feel ashamed. I'm a complete failure. I don't have allowance anymore. I don’t know what to do I'm drowning in everything I feel like life is not for me. I need to pay some debts I can't anymore.

they stressed their opinion even more when I was told by a stranger I resemble an iconic actress. they began doubting the comparison and stressed how I looked like that blander actress. that actress also plays a character that is portrayed as unlikeable in the plot. I was also wondering why they kept referring to them as a certain nationality when they weren’t that nationality I then realized it’s bc their character is of that nationality. which makes me think they are comparing me to the character and not the actress which makes jt even less of a compliment.

they are also creating this false sense that they’ve been told they look like these actresses when they haven’t.

I was thinking the audacity you have to have to compare yourself to such people while telling a friend they look like something else. I know celebrities are just people and I don’t put them on a pedestal. but I could tell how seriously this friend takes looks that’s why when they say it it has a certain implication.

I cried like it was the death of my heart. I was anticipating them leaving for about 3 mths. I was trying to muster up the courage to speak with them but refrained due to my anxiety.

it was really through their gaze that I thought they could possibly be interested. I feel I’m unwell.

Bihira lang ako lumabas or gumala, I'm a very acads type of person, kumbaga gagala lang ako kung need/event or kapag acads related. I thought mapapayagan ako sumama sa 1 night sleepover namin ng barkada kasi birthday ng isa namin friend, kasi kapag may meetup ako with my friends or like event sa school na malayo pinapayagan nila ako. I was wrong I don't get it, hindi nila ko pinayagan with "TUMIGIL KA" reply on my nag mamakaawang self na payagan ako kasi bihira lang ako mag paalam ng ganto and it's my first time, we're all girls btw. Kanina ung pinaka may strict na parents samin kinausap kami and pumayag na sumama ung friend ko sa sleepover while ako hindi. May kasama pang "maglaba ka nalang jan sa bahay" message pertaining na dito lang ako sa bahay di ako sasama. I don't know how to feel and I don't know what to say sa friends ko na hindi ako makakasama.

Also inadjust rin nila ung date ng sleepover para makasama ako kasi ung unang date is may event ako, and now ung adjusted date di rin pala ko makakasama... I don't know what to do.

Stuck between 'this is none of my business' and 'if this were a man I probably would question if the younger person is being used'.

I am 30F.

I'm 25F, currently a college student working on two bachelor's degrees simultaneously, on the pre-law track. I make excellent grades. Academics are my life. I don't feel worthy of the air I breathe if I'm not in school and doing great at it. All my life, my worth has been solely linked to my academic performance. It's how I earned my mother's "love." I was only ever shown any type of affection when I was something she could brag about or show off. Her affection has always been conditional.

She is (was, I guess- I'm finally no-contact) extremely abusive in pretty much every way you can think of except physical, which in a way, is worse. Because when I would reach out for help, I'd be accused of making things up because I was "mad that I wasn't getting my way" and "couldn't stand being told no."

I used to get on my knees and beg God to make her hit me, so there would be visible proof of her abuse and I could show someone at school.

My father (whom I am also no-contact with) was never home due to his work, but when he was, her behavior would change. He never witnessed her abusing me, and he never believed me when I would tell him what she had done. NO ONE believed me.

So, for pretty much as long as I can remember, I have projected my need for a stable parental figure onto authority figures. Typically teachers, and now, as I've gotten older, college professors. Which is something I didn't realize until literally just last week (I mean, I knew what I was feeling was a problem/unhealthy, but I just hadn't connected the dots yet).

It isn't something I consciously choose to do. But, whenever a professor makes me feel seen, makes me feel acknowledged, makes me feel safe, I cling onto that like a lifeline. And sometimes, it's what literally keeps me alive. They're just doing their job, but to me, it's so much more than that. It's literal sustenance to me.

I'm a transfer student. I started out at a very small community college and was there for three years (an extra year because I got cancer and had to take time off to fight it and recover from the chemotherapy). In that time, I developed an.. God, this hurts to say, obsessive attachment to one of my instructors. He validated and encouraged me more than anyone else in my life ever had. He was the very first one to ever believe in me wholeheartedly. But my attachment got so intense that rumors began to spread that we were having an affair, because I would spend so much time with him while I was on campus (which was NOT true, by the way). He wound up having to switch me to strictly online classes and bar me from going on field trips with the rest of the class. I was absolutely shattered and I completely shut down. I was a husk of a human being for two years. And I'm still not fully over it.

I finished there in May of 2024 and started at my current university in August of the same year. Now, I've developed attachment to two of my professors, and the obsession is absolutely ruining me. I do my best to stay away and not let my attachment interfere, but it's physically painful to swallow. It feels like I'm trying to force something in a box that's far too small to hold it all, so a bit of it is spilling over.

Despite what some may believe, I'm not looking for anything romantic or sexual from them. I just want closeness. Human connection, with these individuals that see me, that acknowledge my potential and what I can do. That see me. It's shameful to admit, but professional boundaries are like a knife in the chest. No matter how much anyone tries to explain it to me, I just cannot wrap my head around why it's so wrong to want that.

Having to constantly filter and water myself down is absolutely fucking exhausting, and I'm not even half good at it anyway. Despite how desperately I try to conceal it, it always spills over. And it's overwhelming to the people around me. They don't know how to deal with it. Not just my professors, but everyone. I've always been too much for everyone.

In my 25 years, I've never met anyone as intense as I am, and I feel completely alone and ashamed. I wish I could just be fucking normal.

Edit to add: I'm already in therapy. Things take time.

I would like to start by saying that I created this account just to vent about all of this. I hope I can write everything correctly because English isn't my first language; I'm actually Italian. I really need to talk about my feelings with someone, anyone. This is going to be a long one.

Me, 33(F), and unfortunately I still live with my family. Why? That's where the story begins

I live in a really small town here in Italy. I used to work as a caregiver, but I had to quit because the family of the person I was taking care of was verbally abusing me. Every day, after coming home from work, I would cry until the next morning. I couldn't take it anymore, so I quit. But finding a job in Italy when you're 30 years old is really, really difficult.

I'm currently working as a shop manager, but I'm not getting paid. They still owe me more than €4k So why am I still working there, you may ask? Because going to work is better than staying home.

My mum is a narcissist. Everything is about her, and my dad, well... it's like he doesn't even exist in my house. He spends all day wearing headphones, listening to music or watching YouTube, completely absent from what's going on around him.

My mum, on the other hand, is always on her phone, scrolling through Facebook, or screaming things like, "We're poor! We can't go on like this! We can't afford anything!" and other things that just make me anxious.

Ever since I was 18, I've been financially independent, even though I've continued living with them. I've always paid for my own things, so I've never been able to save much money. And when an emergency came up, like two years ago, when a water pipe burst in our house and the repairs were really expensive, guess who used all her savings to pay for it?

They promised to pay me back, but it's been two years, and they've only given me about €200.

Meanwhile, my mum wants to go on vacation every year. She claims she can't afford things like my healthcare or other necessities, but when it comes to herself? She always seems to have the money.

I remember being 18 and having to share a bedroom with my brother, who worked night shifts. His alarm clock was SO LOUD that I woke up every single time it went off at 3:30 a.m. I was never able to fall back asleep, and I've struggled with sleeping problems my entire life.

I remember my mum throwing my bedroom door open and screaming, "YOU'RE USELESS! YOU JUST LIE IN BED SLEEPING! YOU'RE 18, YOU'RE OLD, AND NO ONE IS GOING TO HIRE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING TOO OLD!"

I want to point out again that I was 18 and still in school.

This is just one small example of the things I've had to endure. My mum has done some truly awful things to me, and only to me, because my brother is the golden child.

He hasn't worked in at least 12 years, and he's 10 years older than me. I really love my brother. He's kind, and I don't resent him for any of this. But if I had gone 10 years without a job, my mum would have kicked me out of "her house" a long time ago.

Now my mum and dad are getting older, and on top of everything else, I'm the only one working... and the only one cleaning the house.

I often come home after spending hours working, only to find that no one has flushed the toilet. No one has cleaned the bathroom. I even have to wash the dishes before using them because I DON'T TRUST THEM. I know they're dirty, and I just can't stand it. I have a severe food allergy, and sometimes I come home from work and have nothing to eat. I've struggled with my weight my entire life because my mum has been telling me I'm fat since I was little. And when she does decide to cook something, it's always the kind of food an almond mom would prepare...for me.

I should mention that both my mum and dad are overweight, and my brother is outright obese. He's been so spoiled and pampered by my parents that, a few years ago, he came dangerously close to having a heart attack. He's now on a strict diet, although he still has a long way to go.

I'm not overweight, and I don't need to be on a diet. But according to my mum, I do.

I've developed what feels like a form of OCD. My hands feel dirty every second of the day, and I wear gloves constantly. I'm always on edge and never feel relaxed.

I use the bathroom, clean it, and by the next day, it's filthy all over again. It's making me so anxious that I can't even feel comfortable in my own home.

I want to leave. I would LOVE to leave. But I don't have the money. The only savings I had are gone because I used everything I had left to fix the water pipe.

My job doesn't pay me, and I've been sending out so many job applications. I feel so defeated.

I've gotten sick twice because when someone in my family gets sick, they simply don't care about anyone else. They don't clean anything, they DON'T TAKE SHOWERS, and they don't wash their hands. I got COVID this month because they acted as if basic hygiene didn't matter, and somehow, I'm always the one who suffers the most.

But no one cares. No one.

I had a fever, was coughing a lot, and kept sneezing. I couldn't even go out. Do you think my mum called the doctor for me? Of course not. She only called the doctor when my brother got sick, and she ended up getting sick herself, too.

I'm starting to lose myself. I'm losing my sense of reality, my happiness, and the person I used to be.

I have a wonderful boyfriend who genuinely wants to help me get out of this situation. He could afford to move out because he has a well-paying job. But I can't. I can't pay rent with hope and promises. I have nothing left, and my family is deeply in debt ..debt that I may end up having to pay off in the future.

I'm really losing myself, and I feel like my family is the reason why.

I'm 17F from Afghanistan, and today I finally took the TOEFL iBT.

I honestly can't describe how I feel right now. My results aren't out yet, but somehow, I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

For the past 10 months, I studied for 3–5 hours almost every night, on my own. No fancy courses, no expensive resources, no tutor sitting beside me. Just a cheap notebook, a pen, and me, trying my best to build a future for myself.

There were nights when I was exhausted, nights when I doubted myself, and nights when I wondered whether all this effort would actually lead somewhere. But I kept going, because I knew what was waiting on the other side of this exam mattered so much more than the temporary comfort of giving up.

I'm from Afghanistan, where pursuing higher education isn't a straightforward path for everyone. For me, this exam represents much more than a score. It's a chance to apply to universities abroad, to continue my education, and to move a little closer to a future I've been working toward for so long.

I know the TOEFL is just one exam, and I still have a long way to go. But after 10 months of preparation, sitting down today and finally taking it felt like closing one difficult chapter of my life.

I probably should've waited until my results came out before posting this, but I couldn't keep these feelings to myself anymore. I gave it my best, and I'm genuinely hopeful that I'll get my desired score.

Whatever the results turn out to be, I'm proud of myself for making it this far.

To anyone out there working toward something quietly, with nothing but a notebook, a pen, and a dream: I hope you make it. And I hope one day you get to look back and realize that all those nights weren't for nothing.

So birthday coming up and do not want to be celebrated. This year hasn’t been very kind I me mentally but also tired of being told it is all in my head which it may be but just want it all to stop!!!

Fell in a very happy relationship to only daily feel like I’m ruining it and failing at existing as a human all the way around.

I do have a touch of imposter syndrome I feel. My entire life I have felt that I don’t do anything well enough or right. I’ve battled it for YEARS it is a terrible way to live constantly knowing and thinking that you only fail the ones you love.

I’ve never been able to get past this and I don’t want go any more I’m just over feeling and being this way.

So my mom, me and my boyfriend are currently on a trip to Japan together and it has been absolute hell. The 2nd day here we got into a major fight in which she was projecting her insecurities onto me. She basically said I’m ashamed of her and I think she’s uneducated. She said this while we were out and I got really pissed off I started yelling on the street and the whole time she kept on going “you’re embarrassing me’. We ended up taking and uber back to the hotel where to proceeded to say the same thing and goes to say how I can treat her in such a rude manner in front of my boyfriend as it sets a precedent on how he can treat her. She kept going on about how I’m ‘blinded’ by love and that’s why I feel so comfortable berating her or being rude to her in from of my bf. I ended up apologizing for this while she dumped her trauma of a failed marriage on me. During this argument she also asked me to book a ticket home for her. After this I just stayed quiet as she kept throwing passive aggressive comments at me to keep the peace. Today when we were at lunch and my boyfriend when to the bathroom she told me she thinks he’s rude and selfish and she doesn’t approve of him. She specifically said cause he went to get us coffee and breakfast but didn’t get her anything but she already ate. Keep in mind this whole time she hasn’t touched a piece of luggage, if my boyfriend can help it we won’t make her wait in line, if there is a seat on the bus/subway we give it to her and he planned as well paid for a huge chunk of this trip to cater it for her. I’m just so angry right now and not sure what to do.

On the way home we was crying but I didn’t acknowledge her. I’m so stuck and my anxiety is through the roof I don’t know what to do anymore. We still have a week left of this trip.

So, what do you guys think about arranged marriages?

So, a few weeks ago, whenever I went home for the weekend during my college break, one of my dad's friends would often come over with his wife and son. Since their son couldn't always join in when the our parent were talking, I'd sometimes be asked to keep him company, whether that meant just chatting or going for a walk around the neighborhood.

They're really nice people, and I never minded hanging out with their son. We're pretty close in age, so talking to him felt natural. Honestly, he's actually a pretty fun person to be around. He is obsessed with reading books and novel, and also watching movies, just like I do.

Sometimes, our conversations would get a little deeper. We'd talk about things like career plans, what an ideal life looks like, and even politics. At first, I just thought he was the kind of person who enjoyed having deep conversations, so I didn't think much of it. I shared my honest opinions because, well, I enjoy talking about those things too.

Then, about two weeks ago, my parents told me that he'd asked them for permission to marry me.

Yeah. You read that right.

Apparently, he'd talked to his dad about wanting to marry me, and his dad had brought it up with mine. They wanted us to get engaged first, with the actual marriage happening later.

According to my dad, his friend's son said he liked me because we shared a lot of the same views. Apparently, he'd been looking for someone who was serious about marriage and wanted to build a family with him.

Which, honestly, confused me a little. Because if you knew me, you'd know I'm probably one of the last people you'd think of when it comes to settling down and starting a family. But whatever, I guess.

And apparently, he'd also told my parents that he was willing to wait until I graduated from college and found a job before we got married.

At that point, I was honestly shocked. First of all, I'd only known this guy for a few weeks. And second, marriage wasn't even something I'd been thinking about.

My mom tried to reassure me by saying that love can grow over time, or that feelings can develop once two people get to know each other better. My dad, on the other hand, said he wouldn't even consider someone like that if he thought the guy might hurt his daughter.

And the thing is, I get where they're coming from.

This dude is genuinely nice. He's gentle, he's interested in the same things I am, he actually listens when I talk, and he respects my opinions even when we're discussing things we might not completely agree on. He's mature, has a stable job, and honestly, there's nothing about him that would make you think he'd be a bad husband.

If anything, he sounds like the kind of man a lot of people would be lucky to end up with.

And that's exactly what makes this so difficult for me.

From what I've heard, arranged marriages have been pretty common in my family for generations. And honestly, that's part of what makes this so hard for me. It's not easy to tell my family how I really feel when so many people around me have had successful marriages this way.

My parents got married through an arrangement when they were young, and they've been happily married for over thirty years. The same goes for my older sister, one of my second cousins on my mom's side, and most recently, my cousin, when she turns twenty-three two years ago.

So, yeah, pretty much everyone in my family seems to have made it work, and their marriages have lasted for decades, and the most important thing is, they are happy. I guess that's why my parents have so much faith in this whole thing. And honestly, seeing how well it worked out for everyone else makes me question myself sometimes. What if they're right? What if I'm turning down something that could actually make me happy, just because I'm not used to the idea?

Maybe, from my parents' perspective, I guess there's nothing wrong with what they're suggesting. They probably see it as a good opportunity for me to have a happy marriage with someone they know they can trust.

But I still can't bring myself to say yes.

Not because this proposal came too soon or it's not that I dislike him. I don't. And it's not that I think he's a bad person, either. I just can't imagine agreeing to marry him.

I don't know if I'm just overthinking this or if I'm being completely reasonable. I also don't really know how to explain my feelings to my parents without making it seem like I think their marriage was a mistake or that I don't trust their judgment.

And honestly, I'm scared that if I tell them how I really feel, they'll think I'm being ungrateful for turning down what they see as a really good opportunity.

So, yeah. I haven't gone home in two weeks because I'm genuinely afraid they'll bring up the whole marriage thing again and ask me for an answer. Even my friends don't understand why I'm hesitant, when I told them the whole story, they say this is good opportunity to have a man who can provide dan protect me for my entire life.

I really need some advice from people who've been through something similar.

English is not my first language, sorry if this is a bit messy.

TLDR : when I want to break up with my gf her passed away is this a good time or not?

For context I(25M) is talking to a girl(21F) for more than a year and we officially became bf and gf after few months of talking. But ever since after that I'm having difficulties cuz we are in different countries and time zones are different that made our communication difficult and she responds me whenever she wants but expects me in a seconds even tho I'm in uni and studying. Cherry on top she talks with a guy-friend which I hate absolutely ( he proposed to her even tho he knows that she is already in relationship ). Not only this there are some incidents happened which lead me to the decision of break-up with her but when it's time to break-up with her father passed away 4 days ago. I wonder is this the good time to break up with her or not? I don't know what to do cuz I'm position where I can't leave her in a position like or stay in this relationship.

Somehow this is my very first time of living alone. First I lived with my parents, then with a roommate, than with my boyfriend, than eventually with my husband. And now I’m divorced, rent a flat and it feels weird to come back to an empty silent home. And I really love being alone most of the time, but sometimes it’s just too empty. So any advice? How do you spend your evenings and weekends? What helps you get comfortable when it’s just you?

Hi everyone,

Just going through a difficult period at the moment.

I currently have a plan, means and intent to take my life, though not for a week or so.

I have a phone appointment with my GP tonight. I know I need help and I am planning on telling him about my situation.

I just don't know what would happen if I do. I know if I tell my psychologist, his duty is to assess my safety and evaluate how severe the risk is.

Just wondering what a GP would have to do. Obviously, we don't have an hour to talk and I would only be speaking to him for 15 - 20 minutes.

I work all the time. My partner no longer works so we can't even actually afford our apartment without me continuing to go into debt.

I feel like all I do is worry about what bill I can afford to pay until I get the raise I was owed 2 months ago.

I don't have friends to play the games I play with anymore, its simply all I want most times.

I miss having someone to talk about my woes of life over a drink and a few games.

I want security in my time of vulnerability, and all I live on currently is promises of what next week will hold.

I met my wife in high school. We were both juniors and I had just moved to her school. It's the best thing that ever happened to me truly and I know she thinks the same but I think she's wrong.

For 11 years I've known she should be somewhere better with someone better who could treat her well and provide for her but I've always been too much of a coward to leave. She has an amazing mind, she's so inherently kind and generous and she makes me want to be a better person, since we were 15 I've tried to be one, but i keep failing and I know she's eventually going to recognize her worth and leave me. She had a really messed up traumatic childhood that gives her such a low self esteem and admittedly early in our relationship I didn't help. I was ungrateful and snide constantly and I'm sure it's affected her. I'm still an asshole sometimes, I have ptsd responses that cause me to panic and yell when I get overwhelmed. I always apologize quickly and take full responsibility and truly I have gotten better by miles than who I used to be. But I'm worried that I've hit the peak of what you can when you're going from shit person up.

The last 2 years have been especially hard. My wife had our beautiful baby 3 years ago but shortly thereafter had her previously undiagnosed endometriosis get to the point that she literally couldn't stand and, i had to carry her until we got her a wheelchair. She had surgery that brought her back to functioning but after a year of recovery shes still not herself.

We also both lost our well paying enviable jobs, (i lost 2 because I actually am just shit at everything and let being a little overwhelmed affect my ability to feed my family) we're suing her old job for wrongful termination among other things but now shes back to the shitty job she had pre-pregnancy and I'm at home with our toddler.

I found myself thinking recently I wish I still had life insurance that I had through my old job because shed have gotten a 500k payout if I just drove into a tree. But no, taking myself out of their lives would bring all the pain and none of the benefits except my not being around. And if I'm alive then I can't bear the idea of not being there to sing with my daughter in the mornings or the idea that my wife would think she was the problem. She always finds a way to blame herself for anything that goes wrong in her life including getting a chronic illness. And I cant do that to her.

Sometimes I wish I could though. Or I wish she would open her eyes and see so she could find something better.

I know my daughter is still young enough that she probably wouldnt remember my face so it might not hurt as bad me not being there.

I had more to say but I keep crying and its late so im going to end this here. Sorry if its supposed to be in another sub. Feel free to remove.

Hi my name is Kaitlyn and I met this person off a dating website and he was nice, but I never seen him before never I live in apartments and I know everyone, but I never seen him we went on dates and everything and we been talking for 2 months and I asked him if he wanted to get a hotel to do the do we did it and he offered to drop me off home and I told him the address and he said he lived there too now I’m scared that he’s going to tell people in the neighborhood about what we did and show my pictures to everybody I haven’t been able to sleep

My room has too much stuff in it.

Im currently living back with my parents until I can rebuild my savings account after my ex boyfriend drained it.

Since moving out I haven't had this much stuff in my room and now I do and it's all too overwhelming.

It started with the clothes, then the stuffed animals, the random stuff I had, etc. I've been basically gutting everything I own once a week because I just feel so overwhelmed with the clutter and it doesn't feel like there's any less no matter how much I clean and cut my room and it's so overwhelming for me. I know where a few starters are with my issues, like I can't keep things organized enough, I can't hang certain clothes that need to be hung, I don't have proper organization, but it just feels like Everytime I look around my room there's so much crap and it's just too much for me to handle.

Hey all life is feeling bleak.

I used to dabble in so many hobbies and loved trying creative things but these past couple years I have no drive left in the tank.

And the root cause of all my feelings is AI at the moment.

It's undoubtedly the next step in technology but holy cow do I wish it never existed.

I'll give some examples -

I used to write a lot of songs with my guitar. And of course we as people love sharing stuff like that with others. But even if it is a truly authentic piece I wrote, there will always be a non zero chance somebody would think I used AI to help me write it :/ and that's a really shitty feeling.

I like writing too. Short stories mainly. A lot of times stuff I thought of in dreams I would write down before I forgot but I stopped doing that too recently. Things like text or writing is so easy to generate at the click of the button.

To add to the writing thing I stopped reading books too. (Especially with new books) I'm terrified at the thought that a random author I find turns out to be a bot and I'm just reading generative text instead of a person's imagination coming alive. How saddening. Seriously.

I tried my hand at coding and always thought a little side project of creating a game would be cool but lets state the obvious, there's not really a point in learning all that jargon when an AI is coding at light speeds. Why even pursue that anymore.

So lately I've been feeling a bit forced but am exploring more real tangible things I can do. Something I can put my mark on. I bought a camera recently and am trying out photography. I also thought of trying to paint.

Are there any other hobbies that people can't just say I possibly AI generated? This just sucks all around.