I dont know what I'm doing, maybe I'm not trying hard enough. Since my last post on this subreddit I've gotten so much worse. I'm almost 100% sure that I had a seizure at some point due to overdoses. I'm a young teenager and I've tried to kill myself 15 times. I'm so tired, my body is worn and my heart cannot take it anymore.

I used to be such an upbeat guy, you know? I used to be the sort of person who fired people up to keep going and never quit. Even when I was dealing with my own mess, I always found a way to encourage others. And then everything just shattered, and now I am the only one left cleaning up the pieces. It hurts so bad, it hurts like hell.

Ever since 2024, my life has just gone into a tailspin, and everything I tried to build for myself turned to zero. I was born into a poor family and honestly thought I could pull us out of it, but I finally realized I just can't, no matter what I do. I took out a huge loan to buy a house for my mom because we had been renting for the past twenty-something years. My dad didn't really contribute much and has a drinking problem. I had to watch physical abuse all through my childhood, and on top of that, I wasn't even good at school.

Then I got this dream of becoming a musician, but it never really happened because I had to live a double life. One half was the music guy, and the other half was just flipping burgers. Over the years, I picked up some skills on my own and managed to land regular jobs, but my heart was never really in them, so I could never fully commit. I figured I would make it as a musician, and I wasn't being delusional about it either. I was just a normal guy who wanted to earn a living through music so I could finally get out of survival mode. I never wanted a big fancy mansion, a Ferrari, or some supermodel girlfriend, not a single bit of that. I just wanted to escape survival mode while doing what I actually love.

I am thirty-four years old now, and I have seen how the world really works. Pretty privilege is totally real, rich privilege is real, and no matter how hard you try, you just cannot beat raw power or someone with generational wealth. People will use you up, chew you out, and then totally forget about you.

I bought that house for my mom because every single time I looked at her, her eyes were welling up with tears just wishing for a place of her own. I took out a loan and got her the exact house she wanted, which meant I had to sacrifice a whole lot of things. But I thought it would make her happy, and since I still had a job back then, I felt confident enough to ask out the girl I liked. I told her I was completely serious about our future. She understood where I was coming from and didn't yell at me, but she still said no.

Then my best friend of five years started acting super cold toward me right after I got laid off. I had to cut him completely out of my life, and it has been over a year since we last spoke.

Now I have literally zero money left, no friends, and my family just looks at me like a total loser because I am not bringing in any cash anymore. It is not like things were ever great before, oh no. Things have always been pretty rough for me, but I somehow managed to get by. All those years, I just scraped by without any money, without a partner, without any support, or even a single kind word.

I am not trying to play the victim here, no way. I have had to hit the reset button over and over again. Every single job I lost, every single opportunity that slipped through my fingers, and all the people who looked down on me, I always told myself it did not matter because I still had a dream to chase.

But now that dream is completely gone, too, so I honestly do not know what to do. Those dark thoughts are creeping back in, and I might just end it all once and for all.

Please end my life universe. Why did you create me? I been depressed for 10-15 years. I have no friends, no partner and been stuck for years. Please end my life God

If I don't want to experience life anymore, isn't it fair to question whether I should be obligated to continue? I'm not talking about whether my future will be better or worse. I'm questioning the expectation that I must keep living simply because I already exist.

The circumstances I'm living in make me feel like I'm constantly struggling just to survive. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not capable of surviving in this society as a human being. The expectations, the pressure, and the reality of life feel like more than I can handle.

I never chose to be born, yet I'm expected to adapt, survive, and keep going regardless of what I experience.

Hey all, I'm really struggling with hygiene lately. I'm unable to get in the shower (it's been an embarrassingly long time since my last shower) and all I can think about is how bad I must smell. Please offer some help on how to make showering easier.

Part of the problem is that I'm worried my mom or her husband will say something about it when I DO shower (since I don't shower very often) and that'll make me feel disgusted and embarrassed. I also struggle washing my sheets and my clothes so I'll just be gross again by the next day. I haven't been able to brush my teeth either but I floss when I can.

Even when I'm not "feeling" depressed, I still can't get myself to do hygiene routines because it feels too draining. I appreciate any help you guys have to offer, thank you :)

Just like what the title says, I hope that once I stop breathing I will also stop existing. No more what few happiness and pleasure I could feel, but also no more pain, no more sadness, no more suffering, no more overthinking, no more stupid ideas.

I (20) can’t even fantasize a fictional scenario in which someone loves me. Not just romantically either, I mean any kind of love like as friends or as family. It just doesn’t work in my head.

The first time was about a year and a bit ago were he went missing and we had to find him it was so traumatising but I thought we turned a corner and I got help,

This time however was so fuckinh horrible I walked in on him overdoing there was goodbye letters to me and my sisters he was so out his face on the drugs he was going crazy that’s not my dad there was a empty bottle of vodka and he dosnt even drink he planned it he woke up and was annoyed at us for saving his life he said that he was meant to die he still wants to die he’s in a unit right now but I am truly heartbroken I feel so numb and and weak I took a photo of the letter o keep reading every time I’m in silent or shut my eyes I replay the whole night and just imaging him sitting there writing the letters and how much pain he must be in I have two sisters I’m closer to one but they have there kids I sort of just life with my mum who isn’t with my dad I just feel truly shattered I feel like nothing is gonna help him I feel like I’ve came to terms with the fact I’m gonna lose my dad and I’m just waiting for it to happen.

Bro imma just be honest. Im a 28 year old black man in America. I've struggled with depression since I was 11 years old and have attempted suicide multiple times. Idk what set it off but this year (at the beginning) I told myself and declared that I would try my hardest to chase my dreams of being a YouTuber and Musician. I've really pushed myself to network and make new friends. Aside from that I've put myself back into the dating pool. I haven't dated in 10 years so I felt like it was time to take my chances again. Oh boy I was wrong. I feel like I never want to date anyone ever anymore with the way I get shot down. I do all the things, I'm courteous, I open doors, I text to make sure you get home safe, I genuinely just want a partner to share life with but our generation is so COOKED. To me it feels like women don't actually want a relationship let alone get married anymore. I say all this to say Im at my wits end. The last lady I was talking to made it apparent that all they wanted me for was for money and buying her drinks. I genuinely am so tired of being alive. Im broke and in debt. I feel like I'm not good enough. Im almost 30 and I don't have anything to show for it. Idk why I thought "oh ya you're ready to get back out there" I just wanna not exist anymore. Love is only for movies, books and anime that shit isn't real. Please prove me wrong. Pray for me that I don't kms. At the very least just know that you're loved and I care.

-Claudio

I just lost my job a week ago, not really anything I could’ve done to change it but here we are.

I’ve done everything “right” for the last couple months quit gambling, starting to go the gym frequently all to escape the same voice in my head.

It seems like no matter what I do, how many times I try to accept the cards I’ve been dealt I always want more and expect more from myself.

I wish that I could just live in peace and accept who I am and didn’t hate myself every second of everyday, and actually have the balls to be who I am meant to be.

It’s a journey that’s for sure I think its been 3 months since I last made a post in this subreddit.
I know this feeling is just another “low” but good God why can’t I just find a happy medium 😂😂

Thank you

So I had a failed suicide attempt recently. I tried overdosing on hydroxyzine. My partner called 911 and the worst fire department came to my house. I’m a young adult and the entire thing just feels humiliating and shameful.

My partner was so worried about me and stayed by my side the entire time. But the thing is, I still don’t have much motivation to live. During the time I was out of it, it felt like a warm hug, an embrace that I had been longing for my entire life. I was out of it and had time to just sit with my thoughts.

I didn’t feel regret unlike many other stories. The only thing I felt bad for wasn’t for me, it was for the people around me. My partner who has endured my fanatic behavior, my therapist suspect I have borderline personality. I’m unsure, I have adhd and autism diagnosis.

I attempted three days ago. My partner has not left my side since and has been restless. Im just unsure where to go from here. The hospital was not any help, I’ve had these feelings for as long as I can remember. I have no motivation to do anything.

As well as the chronic sickness/pain I live in without knowing the underlying problem isn’t helping. I’ve been eating so much sugar from just how down I feel. I’m so extremely lost in my life. How do I really get out of it?

I feel like many people make the wrong career choice very early in life. When they were 18, they looked at the results of their university entrance exam, and they picked the best choice that would guarantee them a career with great compensation and job security. What those kids didn’t realise was that they had to do it for at least 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, 52 weeks a year, and for 40 years. That's 83,200 hours they will spend working, excluding overtime.

Before they know it, time has passed, and opportunities are gone. If they made irreversible decisions like having kids, that would be a blunder. If they buy a house, they better hope it will rise in value.

Without meaning and purpose in life, life would be very hard to live. Unprocessed emotions will cause physical harm. Many found new ways to cope, alcohol, religion, sex, phone addiction, you name it.

I truly believe that if those people knew what they know now, they wouldn’t have walked down the same path.

A sentiment I heard spoken by someone in my family after we all lost someone close to us.

You can absolutely discuss the topic generally OR personally and mean it. There's no rule that says speaking about it before committing to it means youre lying..

How could you, as someone who has not been in rehab or therapy nearly as many times as that person, try to claim to know how they felt better than them?

How can you see their struggles, medications theyre on, addictions, self harm, self isolation, and still see their attempts to reach out for help as some sort of grab for attention?

Bye. Your an adult. They're dead. And youre still trying to push the notion that calling out for help before actually attempting means your fishing? Pick me stupid ass bitch.

I still think about that sometimes and can't fathom ever believing what she believes.

I don’t know if I’m allowed to mention it on this community, but I just wanna vent how exhausted I am.
I used to practice how to hang myself just so that I can make sure when the day comes, I’ll be dead.
I was determined this time after an argument with a family. I couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t know where I belong or where to put myself. I wish I have the capability to do things I thought I would be doing by now. But I know to myself that I really tried to live. I tried to make excuses just so I wouldn’t have to hang myself again. Today I had a panic attack and took pills. I wanted to finally finish this pain and also so that I can stop being a burden. Besides, my dad doesn’t care if I live or die. I always feel invincible and hidden like a shadow. No one is curious about me.
I am stupid.
I almost died today actually but the rope slipped and I couldn’t pass out. I wish God would just take me. I’m begging for him to take me.

Made bad decisions back to back, relationship and work wise. Growing up, it was hard to express myself or just put things to the side when things bothers me. Finally got into a serious relationship and I thought maybe I could start expressing or even speak up. Big mistake, she proved to me what I've known for years. It's better to withhold my feelings and concerns. I don't need someone to understand, just someone who doesn't react the same way she did( what my parents also did). We were together for 6 years and I endured those 6 years (besides the abuse) I was bewitched with not only her beauty but also her laugh. At the end I broke things off, for the better I think. But everyday I miss her (says a lot about me uh?) back to the topic, I simply just gave up. Is there maybe someone else who I can talk to and maybe share my life with tranquility or am I always going to have to endure? 26M I know I just started my life but I mean you never know what can happen tomorrow. Thanks to whoever read this

Not gonna lie but I think I will die by being just getting bored and sitting quietly at a corner, cause I don't have a single Good friends..

another night crying to myself and thinking about just ending my life. I hate in earth, I hate our society and I hate myself. Nothing ever better, it only gets worst.

I have a confession that has always made me wonder about the laws of consciousness.

If you die, your consciousness may simply be transferred into another timeline.

A long time ago, early 2008, I was very depressed and simply wanted to die. So I swallowed a half a bottle of sleeping pills and washed it down with a generous amount of vodka.

I went to a different place. It was dark. I could see shadowy figures around me, but couldn't make out their exact appearance. And I felt like they were judging me silently.

But I woke up the next day feeling completely normal, so I got out if bed and went to class.

I've thought about that event off and in in the years since.

It is possible that my body died and my consciousness went to a different universe.

The dark place with the shadowy figures was a waiting room.

The new universe is basically the same as the old one.

I’m tired of living, since the last 6 years my family has been financially through alot but never enough that we needed help, it has taken its toll on me and my education and health, I’ve lost so much and am under constant stress, and have started to hit my own head against walls or with my hands. Now again my family has put me in a situation where I’m facing immense financial burden. I don’t see a way out of this except suicide, mentally I’ve gone through so much including a controlling and emotional abusive relationship which has lead me to has a false sense of reality for so long. Im tired.

hi everyone!

I’ve been feeling bad lately. It started a year ago but recently it just got worse. I’m distant with my friends they thought i was angry at them thats when i told how i feel. I also told them my psichologist sent me to a psychiatrist and i’ll have medication soon. I regret it now because they just got scared (i guess?) and they dont contact me anymore.:(
I had to tell them because we were so close and we live together but now we basically dont talk about anything at all.

When i explained them how i feel they said that they care about me and this scares them. And that they made sure if i know that i dont have to do this alone and they are here for me. They said these but ever since (it was nearly 3 weeks ago) i havent felt like this once. They stopped texting me or reaching out.
I feel like their words dont align with their actions.

My best friends just simply dont talk to me.
This is really scary because they had many bad phases in life and i was there for them. Now im in a bad situation and feel like they arent here for me.

I have one friend who has been through the same and she can manage this situation. She contacts me and invites me to everything and cares about me very much. She understands it i think. I’m very grateful for her.

That would be all i need i dont want them to feel like im expecting them to solve my problem for me. I just want them to be normal like before. But i feel like im a burden that’s why they disappeared.

I told them these 3 weeks ago and i dont understand why they are not here.

I feel like they dont care about me at all or just make it look like they do because they feel uncomfortable near me and not because they do care.

I cant live like this near them and i dont know how we could solve this and how could be everything normal like before.

If I would have known what this year would have been like beforehand, I would have saved myself the trouble and off'd myself last year.

I'm 21, no job for the past few years, no friends, a family who are also depressed and disconnected. You can tell that nobody really cares, everyday is just a cycle of trying to find a reason to get out of bed before 12. I'd rather sit in my bed and die of heart failure or aneurysm

Trying to talk to family has basically resulted in being brushed off, or told to stop complaining and being such a downer, to the point where I seriously have considered just grabbing a shotgun and blowing my brains out in the living room just to spite my dad for being an ignorant prick after an argument. Even then I doubt he would understand whatsoever.

No matter what I do, no matter what I work on, a 4 wheeler, sled, truck, car or even something simple like a chainsaw, always gets fucked up or just goes to shit because I'm just that fucking useless. I've given up trying to work on much of anything, I just fuck up everything I touch anyway. I don't enjoy working on anything anymore.

Every day I fantasize about either way I could have been, or could have done, or how I could finally die in any manner of ways, but I always come to realize that it's pointless even doing that, because it doesn't matter what I do or think, nothing changes for the better.

That has been the cycle since 2024, and earlier in 2022 as well.

It's probably because I hate myself, I genuinely hate myself more than anything on this planet. I hate my worn ugly teeth, I hate my face, I hate my addiction, I hate everything about me. I'd go back in time and give my parents a box of condoms if I could to save them the waste of money and time that I am.

I don't "want to get better", "seek help", "talk to a therapist". I refuse to talk to people who get paid to pretend to care about you or what you think or feel, and the same goes for the useless text hotlines, as I don't even have a phone plan. I have barely seen what life has to offer and I already want to die.

I can clearly see that the effort of living isn't worth any reward in any capacity when there are no rewards, only disappointments and pain, In exchange for nothing meaningful. Anyone who says it's worth the fight and struggle is one lucky son of a bitch, or they have a perfect life where the saying "It gets better!" Has actually come true for them.

I don't want to improve, I don't want to be happy anymore. I am a mistake made by God, and I should undo that mistake.

The ONLY reason I'm still alive is because God is a selfish prick, who would probably tell me to get fucked, and just condemn me to hell because I wasn't perfect..

I genuinely don't see why I should bother fighting the tiredness , feeling like I'm not even in my own body most hours of the day, or fighting to smile anymore, when I'd be worth more as an insurance payout for my family than I am a "family member".

I'm fucking done with this world and everyone in it.

I never in my life imagined I would be considering suicide as a way to solve my problems. In my mind, it's the only way that will work.

I never learned how to live. Everything has always felt overwhelming, so I hid from the world and ignored my growing problems, even though I knew where it would lead. I avoided people as much as I could, and I've even lost touch with my own family. Throughout my entire adult life, I've kept telling myself that I'd be able to change. I'm so tired of living like this.

I'm almost 40 now, and over the past year, I've lost what little hope I had left. Because I'm not doing anything at all, even the things I could barely manage before have become too much for me. Ignoring problems comes at a price. I have so many of them now that there's no point in even listing them.

I just don't have the strength anymore to keep simply "existing". I know I've lost.