I was at a party. He kept flirting with me and I thought "you know what, fuck it" and went along for a kiss.

It was very anticlimactic. I guess I expected to feel some grandiose revelation or at least anything new, but it was boring. I'm more focused on the fact that it was my first time kissing someone taller than me.

I don't know how to feel. It was so not the mindblowing thing I expected that I think I should just move on and focus on what I'll eat for dinner tonight.

TL;DR : used to be very homophobic. kissed dude because you only live once. overrated experience.

I don’t want to tell my friends about this because it feels like bragging. But my boyfriend of five years is so good at hyping me up and last night it made me cry a bit from feeling so loved and seen.

I am just a regular gal most of the time but every now and then I get asked to speak in public on a topic I know about. I did that last night, just to a really small audience. It had been ages since I’d done an event and I was a bit nervous, but it was so fun and it reminded me how much I love doing it. I felt really good and had a great time.

After I was done my boyfriend found me and it was like he had love hearts floating around his head like a cartoon. He spent the next like… half an hour telling me how smart I am, how talented, how good I was at that, how nice and thoughtful I seemed, how I’m such a good person (?) and how he’s so lucky to be with me. I got really teary and had to ask him (lovingly) to stop.

I don’t know I’ve just never been with someone who is so quick to praise me in this way, and who is so genuine about it. He wasn’t trying to get anything from me for it, he was just saying those things because he meant them and he loves me. Previous boyfriends would have tried to tear me down or make it all about them. He said he’s lucky but really I am the lucky one.

And yes I know the bar for men is in hell!!! But it’s still nice when they clear it.

Intake nurse asked me about my height, weight, age etc. I tried guessing my weight based on the last time I weighed myself over a year ago.

She took me into another room and weighed me. Turns out I'm 10kg heavier. No biggie, I've had health issues and medications slowing my digestion.

Back in the other room, my boyfriend is sitting beside me saying supportive things because I'm terrified of surgery.

She looks up, smacks her lips and goes "Mm WELL, did you tell him about your weight?"

Widening her eyes big looking back and forth from him to me

I don't say anything because I'm just confused as hell

She looks at him again apologetically and then back at me me and smacks her lips again and says slowly

"Well, you were far off... About..." tilting her head waiting for me to finish the sentence

When I don't, she smacks her lips AGAIN and says "Well, 10kg heavier means the anaesthetist wouldn't have been able to put you to sleep!"

All in this disapproving mother tone as if I was trying to hide something from her

My boyfriend just giggled because we play guessing games with numbers all the time. He high-fived me under the table and joked "close enough"

I still don't understand why she felt the need to involve my boyfriend, as if my weight was something shameful I needed to confess to him

She was super cold to us both after that and split is up. When later a nurse found me distressed waiting alone she went back and got him for me because apparently he could've stayed with me the whole time.

Last week I found out my cousin killed his wife. Their three kids were home. He hurt himself right after, and now he's in jail charged with murder. He'll probably be in prison for most of the rest of his life, maybe all of it.

I live across the country and only saw that side of the family every few years, so I keep hearing about it through my mom and other relatives, and reading news articles about someone I grew up with. It feels unreal. One minute I'm angry at him, the next I'm heartbroken for her and their kids, and then I catch myself feeling sad for him too, and I don't know if I'm allowed to feel that.

Apparently there were warning signs. He'd been arrested months ago for hurting her and was out on bail with a restraining order. I keep wondering what was going through his head, whether he's thinking about his mom or his kids right now, and whether I'll ever see him again.

His mom, my aunt, turns 74 this weekend. I don't even know what to say to her.

I don't really have a question. I just needed to say it somewhere. If anyone's been through something like this in their family, how did you deal with it?

Throwaway account.

I’m a woman in my early twenties. I’ve been like this since around middle/high school. It’s the weirdest thing ever; I don’t get aroused very easily, except for certain scenarios.

I could meet the person of my dreams and be invited into bed only to go “eh, rather watch a movie”.

Essentially the scenario goes like this; let’s say I’ve got an essay I need to print, drive to my college and submit in an hour. I don’t have enough of the essay done; the time crunch between me finishing and submitting on time is extremely slim, close to being a late turn in.

That scenario and many like it, get me so soaking wet I cannot focus on anything else. Late to work and my boss is mad? Turned on to the max. Overwhelmed with assignments, don’t know where to start, deadlines looming? I have to take breaks to relieve myself. Friends been waiting on me for a couple minutes to finish getting ready and come out to be picked up? Flushed and jittery.

I have to stress that this issue I have has not ruined my life yet. But it’s come close to getting me in trouble at work, caused me to miss deadlines, have people waiting on me, etc.

It’s not directed at any one person or any one thing. It is specific to if know I’m running out of time and will face negative consequences, I’m further unable to do what needs to be done because my body is wired for sound.

I do not believe this is a porn related issue considering I never consume the material. It makes me feel gross.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Hey all life is feeling bleak.

I used to dabble in so many hobbies and loved trying creative things but these past couple years I have no drive left in the tank.

And the root cause of all my feelings is AI at the moment.

It's undoubtedly the next step in technology but holy cow do I wish it never existed.

I'll give some examples -

I used to write a lot of songs with my guitar. And of course we as people love sharing stuff like that with others. But even if it is a truly authentic piece I wrote, there will always be a non zero chance somebody would think I used AI to help me write it :/ and that's a really shitty feeling.

I like writing too. Short stories mainly. A lot of times stuff I thought of in dreams I would write down before I forgot but I stopped doing that too recently. Things like text or writing is so easy to generate at the click of the button.

To add to the writing thing I stopped reading books too. (Especially with new books) I'm terrified at the thought that a random author I find turns out to be a bot and I'm just reading generative text instead of a person's imagination coming alive. How saddening. Seriously.

I tried my hand at coding and always thought a little side project of creating a game would be cool but lets state the obvious, there's not really a point in learning all that jargon when an AI is coding at light speeds. Why even pursue that anymore.

So lately I've been feeling a bit forced but am exploring more real tangible things I can do. Something I can put my mark on. I bought a camera recently and am trying out photography. I also thought of trying to paint.

Are there any other hobbies that people can't just say I possibly AI generated? This just sucks all around.

My wife (40) and I (41) have been married 15 years. Two kids, nice house, both employed, etc. I still very much find her attractive, and make sure to let her know that with comments and gestures, but we are only having sex roughly once every six weeks or so at this point. When we do have sex it’s always at night, lights off, missionary or occasionally doggy, no foreplay or any sort of passion or excitement. I’m 1000% willing and would love to go down on her, use toys, try literally anything she might be into etc. but she has no interest in receiving (or giving) oral or doing anything to get her in the mood. Strangely enough, when we do have sex she agrees it’s good! I can get her off just through penetration, but she really has no interest in being sexual. My main sexual outlet is taking care of things myself. I feel like I’m doing all the things I’m supposed to as a husband and father. My salary is the main source of income for our family (roughly 2x hers), I’m very involved with my kids and their school/activities, I do the majority of the laundry and dishes around the house, all the yard work, I workout several times a week to keep myself in good shape but it’s like she’s no longer sexually attracted to me. She will comment on how handsome I am, but there is barely any physical touch anymore, which I have expressed multiple times in the past is something that’s important to me. She has become very touch averse, so I go days at a time without touching her sometimes as she doesn’t like the contact. I often feel very lonely when I’m at home and it feels like we are falling more into a roommate setup than a healthy marriage. I’ve expressed these thoughts to her before, but nothing seems to change. I know she is less comfortable with her body after having two kids (both are double digit ages now), but I make sure to let her know I like how she looks and that I’m very much still turned on by her body. She’s very confident about her looks publicly and with clothes on, but she’s always covering up at home when changing or doesn’t want me to see or touch most spots on the rare occasion I get so see her naked. I still definitely love her, our kids, and our family, but I’m just super sad and frustrated at this point.

They screwed up their own lives. Why did they have to have children and pass on their own low IQ problems? It's not fair.

My birth parents have never succeeded at any job, been able to make/keep friends, accomplished anything, succeeded in romance, or made it past college. My birth mum only complains about stupid shit when she talks. Things anyone can easily solve. Or she complains about the doctor asking her to exercise because she doesn't want to, or she complains about visitors expecting her to use the bin for her rubbish. I can't have any meaningful or interesting conversation with her.

They have no complicated or advanced hobbies, only very basic things like drawing half-legible pictures on paper 🤦‍♀️ which look like a child scribbling

My birth mum is very pretty but not intelligent at all, and not a kind person either. She embarrasses me by fitting the stereotype trope of the "dumb/mean/bad personality but pretty" person.

My brother stares at tv all day and never says anything, and my sister has never had an original thought.

Following in their footsteps, purely by accident, I failed every job I ever landed, failed every course I every tried, couldn't understand how to make friends until very, very late in life, have trouble understanding the difference between what is mean vs what is nice, most social skills I had to make a very deliberate and conscious effort to learn, I couldn't make it past school since I couldn't understand 95% of the material.

Life feels like it's on Hard Mode for me and Easy Mode for everyone else, and I'm seriously starting to worry about my future work prospects.

(On a side note: My adoption "family" were like painfully obvious evil cartoon villains from my very earliest memories of them. It still took me an unbelievably long time to realize they weren't trustworthy. I feel embarrassed it took me so long, and I still loved them unconditionally and couldn't see through their villain disguises.)

Some people should not be allowed to breed...

I'm 17F from Afghanistan, and today I finally took the TOEFL iBT.

I honestly can't describe how I feel right now. My results aren't out yet, but somehow, I already feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

For the past 10 months, I studied for 3–5 hours almost every night, on my own. No fancy courses, no expensive resources, no tutor sitting beside me. Just a cheap notebook, a pen, and me, trying my best to build a future for myself.

There were nights when I was exhausted, nights when I doubted myself, and nights when I wondered whether all this effort would actually lead somewhere. But I kept going, because I knew what was waiting on the other side of this exam mattered so much more than the temporary comfort of giving up.

I'm from Afghanistan, where pursuing higher education isn't a straightforward path for everyone. For me, this exam represents much more than a score. It's a chance to apply to universities abroad, to continue my education, and to move a little closer to a future I've been working toward for so long.

I know the TOEFL is just one exam, and I still have a long way to go. But after 10 months of preparation, sitting down today and finally taking it felt like closing one difficult chapter of my life.

I probably should've waited until my results came out before posting this, but I couldn't keep these feelings to myself anymore. I gave it my best, and I'm genuinely hopeful that I'll get my desired score.

Whatever the results turn out to be, I'm proud of myself for making it this far.

To anyone out there working toward something quietly, with nothing but a notebook, a pen, and a dream: I hope you make it. And I hope one day you get to look back and realize that all those nights weren't for nothing.

It snowed tonight, and honestly, it was such a vibe. The sky was dark and moody, the wind was swirling, and I could see snowflakes falling right in front of me while pumping gas. There was something so cozy about it that I immediately pictured myself lighting scented seasonal candles, watching Netflix with the fireplace on, and drinking tea. As much as I love the cozy energy , I know that once the holidays are over, I’ll be counting down the days until spring. It literally snowed in May earlier this year, and winter felt like it would never end. But for now, once Halloween is over, I’m ready for Boney M. and Michael Bublé season. I can smell the perfume at the mall while Christmas shopping and hear the music playing already!!

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had bouts of constipation and really uncomfortable poops. Now, more than half the time I do poop I feel worse afterwards than if I never went at all. This causes me to hold it and judge whether I’ll feel better or worse if I do go.

also if I do poop, it hurts pretty bad, like clothes off and sweating kind. then my butt is on fire afterwards for a little while EVERY TIME.

if I don’t poop for a couple days, I will take laxatives. The last time I had to take 5 doses over a 2 day period to actually be able to go. also, being constipated like that interferes with your life bc u don’t feel up to doing anything due to always feeling uncomfortable.

About once or twice a month, I will begin to have spasms in my large intestine which makes me have 10/10 pain from the cramps and a feeling like I am about to poop my pants. 90% of the time this happens when I’m driving so I’m pulling in to the nearest gas station and attempting to go.

You’d think I’d be able to go right then and there but that’s wrong. I can’t poop for about 10-15 minutes. I eventually will basically blow up the bathroom for 5 mins straight and feel completely fine afterward.

Software engineering is gonna die soon. Maybe in 1 year, maybe in 5 years. I am not sure when but it will happen, 'software engineering' will stay for sure but our employment will go poof.

I have 5 years of experience but it doesn't mean anything anymore. Don't tell me to use AI and become a more productive developer.

Yeah I use AI, yeah I am very productive with AI, but who cares? Every software engineer uses AI. We are all more productive now. Companies only care about one thing, making more profit, they don't care about your life or your family. They can fire most of the employees, hire the cheapest capable person and tell him to do everything with AI. What happens when thousands of people are laid off? They will start looking for a new job but no one is hiring, people will start accepting much lower salaries to feed their families. Honestly, I don't even have the motivation to work in this field anymore. I don't enjoy it.. It's boring and means nothing to me. Only thing keeping me still hired is the complexity of the project I am in. It's very poorly architected and so easy to break that the company can't trust AI with it. Yet.

So in the end most people will lose their jobs, 'lucky' ones will still have a job but they will spend their entire day using ai agents, basically torture, for a tiny salary. The only lucky ones in this story are people who can retire when they are laid off. 40+ 50+ people.

I am 29 and single, I was planning to buy a house, get married, maybe have kids. Now I know these are not possible anymore. How can I get married when I know I will be jobless in 5 years? Who wants to marry a man who can't provide anything? Am I gonna lie to my partner, hide the fact I will lose my job soon and get married- no I can't. What about having kids, I can't bring children into this world knowing I might not be able to provide for them. Maybe they'd be better off never being born.

So the only thing I am good at, software, is dying, and men who can't provide is worth nothing, so my life might end before it starts. I missed out on a lot of things in life while trying to improve my career, Now it doesn't seem worth anything..

On the other side of the coin, maybe I am really lucky, I am single and I don't have kids. I can't imagine how I would feel if I had a wife and kids.

I know I can work in another field, I believe I can work on other fields but what if I can't? How am I supposed to plan my future with all this uncertainty? I am not one of those always relaxed people. I don't live in a first-world country where the government will keep paying me benefits after I lose my job.

Also this is just my perspective. there are thousands of new graduates struggling to find their first job, they are in a worse situation right now. Other professions will also be affected but at least the changes are happening more slowly in those fields.

Throughout history, some people lived through wars, while others lived through times of peace and prosperity. We're the ones living through a war, but this time it's not a real war.

So many fucking questions about the most inane things, and usually not related to the work we are doing.

Do you know coworker X?

Not really.

In which section does he work?

I don't know. You can check Teams

I think he works in section Y.

Okay.

Do you know when he started?

I said I don't know him, you can ask yourself.

And this won't be the end of the "conversation".

Because of this fucking moron I have to work from home several times a week even though I hate it. He can't read facial cues, he can't take no for an answer and he does not understand that I do not care about the things he cares about.

I really try to be nice because he is a good kid at heart, but I just can't take it anymore. I genuinely am starting to hate his fucking guts

Hi everyone,

Just going through a difficult period at the moment.

I currently have a plan, means and intent to take my life, though not for a week or so.

I have a phone appointment with my GP tonight. I know I need help and I am planning on telling him about my situation.

I just don't know what would happen if I do. I know if I tell my psychologist, his duty is to assess my safety and evaluate how severe the risk is.

Just wondering what a GP would have to do. Obviously, we don't have an hour to talk and I would only be speaking to him for 15 - 20 minutes.

Ok I need to tell someone this but didn’t know who so I might just use Reddit for this. my mom is from Jalisco and my abuela never learned english, and my whole life I understood her fine but always answered in english like an idiot. every call was her talking, me going "si abuela si" and then handing the phone back to my mom lol.

Like 3 months ago I got tired of it and actually started trying. tutor once a week, a lot of listening, and reading on this app Unedo in the mornings bc it's short stuff about mexico and not "el niño come manzana"

Anyway two weeks ago I read something about Juan Gabriel and remembered she used to blast his records every sunday when I was little. so today she calls and instead of passing the phone I just asked her about him. in spanish. my heart was pounding.

She went quiet for a sec and then she just started TALKING. seeing him live in Guadalajara in the 80s, my abuelo, songs I had no idea she loved. I didn't get every word but I kept up and asked stuff and made her laugh once with my horrible accent. 20 minutes. no english at all !

right before she hung up she said "ahora si eres mi nieta completa" and I'm not crying you're crying.

Anyway, if you're a heritage speaker who thinks it's too late or too embarrassing to start, it's not. they've been waiting for us to try! Would love to hear if anyone here had a similar experience :))

At the time, I (16F) had this huge crush on this guy (16M) in my APES class but i never could talk to him. We had completely separate friend groups so I had no reason to interact with him. He was really cute and I was mid so I realized I had no chance.

There was this ships instagram page going around my high school and obviously nobody really cared about it since it was silly, and the ships were genuinely stupid. I made a whole burner account to dm the page and ask them to make a post about us. They did and i pretended to have no idea when my friends sent me the post. There were literally only 2 comments on the post. One was his friend poking fun at him and the other was him asking "who even is that". During APES, i very purposefully talked about the post loudly to my friends, saying I had no clue who the guy was. I made eye contact with him and went "OHMIGOD YOURE THE GUY FROM THE POST". He looked uncomfortable. I tried to converse with him about who it could be but he did NOT engage. There genuinely was no valid reason anyone should think we were together. We never talked again.

The post got buried, we graduated, and never crossed paths again. I'm 19 now and I still think about him sometimes and cringe. I hope he's doing well. I still kinda like him.

I have a 2 year old boy.

He was super healthy, chubby, a perfect baby up until 9 months when he stopped growing, was crying too much, had rash, puffy eyes etc.

It took us about 6 months to understand that we need to remove both gluten and dairy.

He started thriving and getting better.

If he is at home, isolated, under our control and what he eats, it's good. If he goes to kindergarten, grandparents' houses and everywhere, he gets the symptoms.

He doesn't have the genes for celiac, but is totally affected by this.

My husband and I are both very depressed.

All the products in all the markets contain either gluten or milk.

We cook at home, but it's tiring.

My kid won't have a normal childhood, watching others eat cakes, pizzas, pastas, going to restaurants, parties and travelling.

We used to travel a lot with my husband, now we can't go anywhere because we can't eat except a prepared meal at home.

When we go outside, we see all the places our kid won't be able to go to, or will watch others do it but not him.

We want to be an example for him on how to approach this, but how can I be an example when I am devastated.

I thought there was some hope to overcome this, but the pediatrician says it's a forever thing. He says it every time and it's like a reality check.

I can't find hope and can't enjoy his childhood.

He's smaller than all of his peers, skinnier if he is out there in the world.

We can't keep him home forever.

With free and endless access to information, individuals who would have otherwise played a reference point in a family member or friend’s life, become obsolete. The Information Age and now, the artificial intelligence revolution, have rendered Uncle figures, Aunts, and other folks without an advantage in knowledge over younger generations.

To put succinctly, the kids have taken over, and it hurts my feelings. I worked in a couple fields over my 12 year career, and it simply doesn’t matter. Nothing I experienced is not something you can look up. It even started as private knowledge from small schools with libraries, but now it’s evaporated completely.

I see public speakers and other figures as fighting off armies of know-it-alls, or fiendish firm faces, barking orders into prompt bars like air strikes over foreign lands.

Nobody matters anymore. Where did all this information come from? I guess there were deals brokered by the librarians and keepers of data—but fundamentally, it's hard to know how much regard there was—

What happens now? I just watch a nephew take my job? I try to force my way back in to charge tolls for the same information? It’s ludicrous.

I think we need to stop seeing the words on the other side for a minute and recognize all the faces that will disappear. 

It’s not pathetic to want to offer value to society. That’s a healthy inclination I believe. But if there’s seemingly no way to that, it squeezes you into some position as a pesky middle person—

Fine, have it! Chat and Gemini can tell you which animals came before the cephalopods—great! It’s also your loss—because people with more years have found what types of info actually matter. I’ve probably learned this the hard way myself.

But please stop to take a moment for all the people who can’t find a healthy way in—because this colossus of technology has simply let itself into every American household and kicked up its feet on the coffee table. 

So, what do you guys think about arranged marriages?

So, a few weeks ago, whenever I went home for the weekend during my college break, one of my dad's friends would often come over with his wife and son. Since their son couldn't always join in when the our parent were talking, I'd sometimes be asked to keep him company, whether that meant just chatting or going for a walk around the neighborhood.

They're really nice people, and I never minded hanging out with their son. We're pretty close in age, so talking to him felt natural. Honestly, he's actually a pretty fun person to be around. He is obsessed with reading books and novel, and also watching movies, just like I do.

Sometimes, our conversations would get a little deeper. We'd talk about things like career plans, what an ideal life looks like, and even politics. At first, I just thought he was the kind of person who enjoyed having deep conversations, so I didn't think much of it. I shared my honest opinions because, well, I enjoy talking about those things too.

Then, about two weeks ago, my parents told me that he'd asked them for permission to marry me.

Yeah. You read that right.

Apparently, he'd talked to his dad about wanting to marry me, and his dad had brought it up with mine. They wanted us to get engaged first, with the actual marriage happening later.

According to my dad, his friend's son said he liked me because we shared a lot of the same views. Apparently, he'd been looking for someone who was serious about marriage and wanted to build a family with him.

Which, honestly, confused me a little. Because if you knew me, you'd know I'm probably one of the last people you'd think of when it comes to settling down and starting a family. But whatever, I guess.

And apparently, he'd also told my parents that he was willing to wait until I graduated from college and found a job before we got married.

At that point, I was honestly shocked. First of all, I'd only known this guy for a few weeks. And second, marriage wasn't even something I'd been thinking about.

My mom tried to reassure me by saying that love can grow over time, or that feelings can develop once two people get to know each other better. My dad, on the other hand, said he wouldn't even consider someone like that if he thought the guy might hurt his daughter.

And the thing is, I get where they're coming from.

This dude is genuinely nice. He's gentle, he's interested in the same things I am, he actually listens when I talk, and he respects my opinions even when we're discussing things we might not completely agree on. He's mature, has a stable job, and honestly, there's nothing about him that would make you think he'd be a bad husband.

If anything, he sounds like the kind of man a lot of people would be lucky to end up with.

And that's exactly what makes this so difficult for me.

From what I've heard, arranged marriages have been pretty common in my family for generations. And honestly, that's part of what makes this so hard for me. It's not easy to tell my family how I really feel when so many people around me have had successful marriages this way.

My parents got married through an arrangement when they were young, and they've been happily married for over thirty years. The same goes for my older sister, one of my second cousins on my mom's side, and most recently, my cousin, when she turns twenty-three two years ago.

So, yeah, pretty much everyone in my family seems to have made it work, and their marriages have lasted for decades, and the most important thing is, they are happy. I guess that's why my parents have so much faith in this whole thing. And honestly, seeing how well it worked out for everyone else makes me question myself sometimes. What if they're right? What if I'm turning down something that could actually make me happy, just because I'm not used to the idea?

Maybe, from my parents' perspective, I guess there's nothing wrong with what they're suggesting. They probably see it as a good opportunity for me to have a happy marriage with someone they know they can trust.

But I still can't bring myself to say yes.

Not because this proposal came too soon or it's not that I dislike him. I don't. And it's not that I think he's a bad person, either. I just can't imagine agreeing to marry him.

I don't know if I'm just overthinking this or if I'm being completely reasonable. I also don't really know how to explain my feelings to my parents without making it seem like I think their marriage was a mistake or that I don't trust their judgment.

And honestly, I'm scared that if I tell them how I really feel, they'll think I'm being ungrateful for turning down what they see as a really good opportunity.

So, yeah. I haven't gone home in two weeks because I'm genuinely afraid they'll bring up the whole marriage thing again and ask me for an answer. Even my friends don't understand why I'm hesitant, when I told them the whole story, they say this is good opportunity to have a man who can provide dan protect me for my entire life.

I really need some advice from people who've been through something similar.

English is not my first language, sorry if this is a bit messy.

My boyfriend and I are probably over soon.

It started simple: I hate his other friendgroup. That's not uncommon, and I could even live with it if it was a simple case of not vibing with them. If only they didn't make my boyfriend so goddamn mean every time he gets back from hanging out with them. He adopts their personalities, habits, and ways of speaking like he's a mirror. He's suddenly so irritable and judgemental, like a completely different person from the man I've known for years.

I, of course, don't want to be controlling or dictate who he spends his time with. But, I can't stand who he becomes after seeing these people. He's known only known them for 4 months, too, so it's not like I'm butting into some decades-long friendgroup, either.

The conversation happens. I'm only asking for him to try and be aware of his cruel behavior. I suggest that maybe he should reconsider if it's worth hanging around people who make him unkind, but I emphasize the choice is ultimately his. All I need as his partner is for the jerkishness and short temper to stop when he gets back to me.

It goes so much worse than I ever thought.

He admits to enjoying his time with them more than his time with me, and he says he is his "most authentic self" with these people. He says he finds himself "restrained" with me, and that he's been hiding his opinions about certain things because he knew I wouldn't like them.

Every time. Every single fucking time guys do this to me. "I knew you wouldn't agree with my real thoughts," then Don't fucking date me!?!?!

What do you think is gonna happen, exactly? Am I supposed to change my mind? Am I not meant to ever find out? Are you hoping I cave to sunk cost fallacy?

I find out every time. I do not change my mind. Sunk cost... well, I haven't bit the bullet yet, but I'm pretty sure that's not saving this in the end either.

The part that makes it hurt so much worse is that we've been friends for such a long time. He's a staple of my own friendgroup and has been for years now. I really, really thought he was different. I wanted him so badly to be different.

I just don't understand how he could watch me become a miserable, unrecognizable, hollowed-out shell of myself because of my Ex, and then still lie to me just like he did.

God, I put so much of myself into this relationship because I thought I was dating my friend. I thought I knew him. Guess not! Apparently, I never know anybody!! Everyone just says what I want to hear and I'm the dumbass for believing them, I guess!!!!

Anyway, at the end of a very, very long and difficult conversation, he agreed to try and be a kinder, better person overall, but... he's still gonna hang out with those people. He decided, (on his own, mind you) that if I still find him mean after hanging out with them in a month's time, he'll dump them entirely for me. Because I'm "that important to him."

We agreed to the compromise. I agreed to it. I didn't want to throw away everything I'd worked so hard for so quickly, and he seemed so sincere and sorry by the end, and... I felt like if, in a month, those guys weren't in the picture anymore, maybe everything would be okay again. Maybe it'd be like before?

But... I don't know if I can do this. I can't let the things he said go.

The thought of him makes me anxious. I feel sick getting messages from him, despite them being sweet. Things that used to make me smile just make me nauseous. I can't seem to stop feeling this way the entire day. Part of me still doesn't understand what happened. Every emotion is completely flipped.

"It's just like the face you show friendgroup A, and friendgroup B," he said. But, I'm your partner, aren't I? Shouldn't I get your real face? Was I ever really seeing you?

Where is the person I loved so much? He vanished overnight. I miss him so much that I feel like I'm being torn apart, but... I don't think he was ever truly there at all.

I feel so stupid. It's over.