Nobody talks about the fake conversations you have with your ex after a breakup.

You're washing dishes and suddenly you're explaining how badly they hurt you.

You're in the shower and they've finally admitted they were wrong.

You're trying to sleep and somehow you've delivered a 45-minute speech that leaves them speechless.

And the funniest part?

In your imaginary conversations, they finally understand everything.

They apologize.

They cry.

They regret losing you.

Then you open your eyes.

It's 2:37 AM.

You've won an argument with someone who wasn't even there.

And somehow, you're still heartbroken.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has done this.

Okay that's a major oversimplification, but I am going to give you 2 steps and I hope they help you as much as they have helped me.

STEP 1

1). I ask myself,

Q: What kind of a relationship do I want?

A: I want reciprocity. I want to be chosen daily in thoughts, words,and actions. I want mutual curiosity.

And now for the 2nd question:

Q: Could I have a relationship like that with my ex? (as they are rn at this very moment. Not maybe someday. Not if the heal. NOW)

A: NO

So they are not good relationship material for me.

STEP 2

I realize this:

I am not actually losing an amazing person trying to offer me the world. Its not like he was offering me safety, commitment, and a future together.

Im missing out on neglect. Text anxiety. Walking on eggshells. Minimizing my needs. Ghosting and blocking. Im missing out on emotional harems, triangulation, mixed signals, heartache, stress and grief.

I wanted who they WERE and who they COULD HAVE been.

I dont actually want who they are and what they are offering right now.

So its good they are gone.

Now I can focus on someone better suited for me.

It’s been a month since we broke up. I cant stop having conversations with my ex in my head. It is like i am taking my anger out in this way, but it has to stop.

For context, I don’t talk to my situationship anymore but I still think about them every other minute it seems. It’s been 5 months no contact and it seems I just keep missing them more as time goes. I’ve been told that I should get the ick thinking about someone not choosing me but I just keep thinking about how I just was the one who messed it up and it’s my fault we’re not together. Any advice to get over someone quicker? I just want to reach out but also don’t want to look desperate.

I have been on and off with this guy for five years now.

I told him today I’m done… again. It’s always me cutting off contact then coming back to him at a weak moment months later just for the cycle to repeat.

The list of why things won’t work is long. We are both toxic to each other. I care for him but I care for me more.

Just venting…

6 weeks ago, he broke up by blocking me everywhere without a word. We were on a “break” because he needed space from me. He cited emotional instability and clinginess. But in reality, he didn’t do well with emotions and me reacting to things he did.

Yesterday, I stupidly looked at his private Instagram account with my friend’s account and he has a new girlfriend. It’s a picture of them as his profile picture and it seems he made a main feed post because his post count is up from 1. We were together nearly a year and not once was I posted or made his profile picture. It’s so trivial in the long run but god would it have been nice to be loved out loud and celebrated. I remember asking him towards the end of the relationship if he was ashamed of me.

I feel like I’m back at day 1 but at the same time it feels nice to have confirmation that the part of me that was waiting for him to reach out and realize he made a mistake can rest. I want to fast forward to feeling okay.

I’m not considering dating for a while but the idea of trusting again is so terrifying.

There was a truck overturned on the highway yesterday and I knew I wasn't getting home for at least another hour. Picked up my phone to call my ex, then put it back down. We've been separated eight months.

I used to call him on my way home almost every day. Half the time he was still at work and barely listening. I'd tell him about someone being annoying in a meeting or ask if we had anything for dinner. Sometimes we'd stay on the phone while neither of us said anything.

We weren't happy together toward the end. I know that. Living alone has actually been easier than I expected, once I stopped making enough pasta for two people. I've had friends over more, bought a tracy's dog, finally got rid of the enormous desk he left behind. Usually there's plenty to do.

Yesterday I just wanted to complain about traffic to someone who knew which exit I meant. I called a friend but she was busy, so I got drive-through fries and ate most of them before I got home. Didn't contact him. Still wanted to. How long did it take you to stop reaching for your phone?

Tonight I saw my ex took a full body mirror selfie looking pretty good. I just know its only a matter of time so I muted her accounts and now I have to be disciplined enough to NEVER EVER look at her Ig story moving forward… I have started a new IG account with only 12 followers and I have to focus on ME, MYSELF and I. We still have to communicate to a lesser degree for business reasons but that could be done by email or text but I dont even want her text thread in my phone anymore.

She’s 37 and is looking to get engaged, married and start a family so I know she will put herself out there alot! This is my story and I have to move on for GOOD.

Tonight was a warning shot because the LAST thing I need is to spiral out of control during times like these.

Godbless everyone!

What if she texts me? What if she calls?

That’s all I hold on to.

My boyfriend broke up with me in September.
We used to argue a lot, and he would often threaten to break up with me whenever he was upset or whenever we had an argument. This happened dozens of times, and we would usually end up getting back together.
However, this time feels different. Since the breakup, he has blocked me on every platform. I still tried to reach out to him, but he eventually changed his phone number and even deleted his Gmail account.
The last time I contacted him was through Instagram. I told him that I felt hurt by the fact that he had changed his number and deleted his Gmail account, because it made me feel like he wanted to completely erase me from his life.
After that, he also changed his Instagram settings so that he could no longer receive messages from me.
I know that he has made it very clear that he doesn’t want me to contact him right now, and I’m trying to understand and respect that.
But I’m wondering if anyone has ever been in a similar situation. Have you ever blocked an ex everywhere, changed your number, or cut off all contact, but eventually unblocked them and reached out to them yourself?
Or, if you’ve been blocked by an ex, did they ever come back and contact you again after going completely silent?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences, especially from people who were the ones who did the blocking. What made you decide to reach out again, if you ever did?

We were very close friends and we been talking every single day for seven years. We had been sharing so many things and having countless experiences together. Then, one day, after a concert by the band we loved the most, we confessed that we had developed a tiny bit of romantic feelings for each other.

I couldn't lie. I did like him, but I also loved him as a friend. Honestly, if that moment had never happened, I would have been perfectly happy staying friends. That was my honest feeling.

We started something together and everything changed in a very short time. I wasn't happy with how shy I suddenly felt around him. I was afraid of getting closer to him because he kept telling me that I shouldn't get attached, that I needed to be careful with my emotions, and that his life was complicated and he had neither the time nor the energy for a relationship, even though he liked me so much. So many things like this happened that all my courage, happiness, and hope for us were shattered.

In the end, I decided to stop. I was ready to continue being friends because, after all, it had been my decision to give us a chance, and it was also my decision to end something that was making me anxious every single day.

On that day, we had a three-hour conversation during which I made it clear that I wanted to close this chapter completely. I cried in front of him because I was deeply disappointed and sad.

After we agreed to end things and remain friends, he asked me one last question: whether I wanted to continue having sex with him or not.

He already knew from our previous conversations that I didn't want to have a friends-with-benefits arrangement. I had been clear about that. If we were going to build something together,it could only be a relationship based on trust and respect. We would either become a couple or end things and try to remain friends.

I cannot describe what happened to me in that moment. It felt like a knife had pierced my heart, like an explosion had gone off in my brain. I felt as though I were drowning, burning, and freezing all at the same time. And just like that, all my hope for our friendship died. I couldn't stop thinking that this person had never truly understood me, seen me, listened to me, or cared about me.

When he thought everything was okay and that we could simply go back to being friends, I decided to cut off contact.

It has been two months, and I am still not doing well. I feel so lonely without his daily message. I feel as though I have lost my sparkle. I hate him, but I miss him. A lot. Every day, when I wake up, the first thing I think about is his name, and the last thing I see before I fall asleep is his face. I wish he would suffer, and I wish I would never have to see him again. But at the same time, I feel incredibly sad whenever I hear that he is on holiday, because it means we are not even in the same city anymore.

And now, I have started making excuses for that question and trying to justify it. I tell myself that I exaggerated everything, that it wasn't such a big deal, and that I should have explained to him why I made this decision. One bad move. He didn’t know why I didn’t want to see him. He kept writing to me until I told him I needed some time to think about our friendship. He sent me messages saying how strong he believed our bond was, how ready he was to meet me again, and how grateful he was that I had been honest with him about my feelings. If he hadn’t found out through our mutual friends, he would probably still believe that our friendship was unbreakable and that I was the one who broke it simply because I was a hopeless romantic who couldn’t have what she wanted.

Am I the only one making this into such a big drama? I cannot accept the fact that I remember every single detail he ever told me, from stories about his cousins and his late aunt to his colleagues' families and his first pet turtle, yet he seemed not to care about one single but incredibly important thing I had told him about me/us. It’s not about being friends-with-benefits; it’s about being heard, seen, and taken seriously. During our last conversation, I felt as though I could have been talking to a wall, and even the wall might have given me a more empathetic response.

Half of my friends tell me that a real friend should care about my wishes and would never ask such a question at such a moment. The other half tell me that I am being unnecessarily stubborn and too proud and he simply wanted to make sure he understood what I wanted and that I have turned a simple question into a test of whether our entire friendship was real.

Please tell me honestly: am I stupid for deciding to go no-contact because of this?

I really need your honest opinion before I go crazy or turn into a desert with all the tears I have cried.

1 month and a half since the breakup, we wanted to stay friends but got into a kind of FWB situationship.

I broke it off with him because he's an avoidant and after a year was still unsure of his feelings. He liked me and wanted to be with me but he's also been very depressed lately and with the avoidance on top... he dumped me three times and came back each time. This time Im the one who told him it was over - he was still unsure, still trying to sort his feelings out blah blah blah.

I'm very much able to stay friends with my exes. In fact my best friend is my ex of 10 years, we broke up 6 years ago and still consider each other family. He's married now and it's only been a platonic friendship since the breakup.

But with this guy... it's so confusing. He can't resist "me". He cannot not try to touch me, kiss me, etc. And im still in love so of course I cant resist either.

But i cant do this anymore. I wont heal. I will never get over him if I end up under him everytime we see each other. I love him so much but I love myself more. So today, on my 37th birthday that he didnt send me a text for even though he knew because we talked about it just a few days ago, and on the day I'm taking a flight to go visit my family 5000miles away for a week, I texted him that I couldnt do this anymore.

I wanted to not tell him and just fade out. But I cant. I need him to know. I cant sweep this under the rug AGAIN and pretend it doesn't hurt me and I'm just naturally drifting apart. I don't care if he knows I'm still in love with him. It's the truth anyway. And I can definitely stay friends that's not a question I can compartimentalize pretty well, but I told him that in order to do so I have to stop giving in to the temptation of playing pretend couple when we see each other.

Because he's got everything an avoidant dreams of. I broke it off so he doesn't feel guilty about it. And he still has access to all the perks of being with me, without any of the responsabilities of a relationship. He admits himself I'm so sweet and kind and supportive and deserve much more than what he could give me. He's right. He doesn't care though. He doesn't love me. He likes me like a pet.

So I've decided to go through the temporary hell of a real breakup and no contact for the time being until I'm healed enough to be able to maintain a friendship and strong enough to tell him off if he tries to kiss me or touch me or anything again.

Lord help me. I've been crying so much for the past 4 days. Lost 3 kilos that I couldn't afford to lose, again. It's gonna get so much worse before it gets better. But at least I give myself a chance to get better.

Please send strenghts, motivations, tips or whatever might be helpful.

how do you get over someone you still love? I’m genuinely struggling and don’t know how to move on.
It’s been about two months since my breakup, and I feel like I’m drowning in sadness. I genuinely don’t know how to get over someone I still love so much.
We lived together, had a life together, and I pictured a future with him. Now I’m living alone, trying to rebuild my life, and I feel like a completely different person.
I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety before, but this breakup has made everything so much worse. I wake up thinking about him, go to work thinking about him, and fall asleep thinking about him. It’s exhausting. I feel like I can’t escape my own thoughts.
I’ve lost a significant amount of weight because I’ve been so sad that I can barely eat. My motivation is gone, my work is suffering, and even things that used to make me happy don’t feel the same anymore. I’m trying to get through each day, but sometimes it feels like I’m just surviving instead of living.
This morning, I saw him in his sister’s Instagram story. All I saw was his face and his smile, and my heart completely sank. It was such a small thing, but it brought back so much pain. I miss his smile. I miss being around him. I miss the little things that used to be part of my everyday life.
I know people say to focus on yourself, find hobbies, spend time with friends, and give it time. But what do you do when you’re so depressed that even doing those things feels impossible?
I don’t want to spend every day missing someone who is no longer in my life. I don’t want to keep waking up with this horrible feeling in my chest. I want to feel excited about life again. I want to be happy on my own.
I know healing isn’t linear, but I’m terrified of feeling this way for months or years.
For anyone who has gone through a breakup that completely broke them:
How did you finally stop thinking about your ex constantly?
What actually helped you detach emotionally?
How did you start enjoying life again when you had no motivation?
How long did it take before you genuinely felt okay?
What helped you stop hoping they’d come back?
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who struggled with depression during their breakup.
I don’t expect to magically stop loving him overnight. I just want to stop hurting this much.
Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot. ❤️

Been 5+ months since me and my ex broke up. It was mutual and if I where to summarize it quickly id say I had been wanting to leave for some time, but when I met her I just couldn't, she of course started to notice this and asked if we could talk, she said she wanted to break up and I agreed. In the beginning it was very very painful, but I knew that it was the right thing, and I felt like it was going to pass. I don't feel that anymore. 2 months on I wrote to her asking if we could meet and just talk about what happened, as it felt very haphazard and quick (just 5 days earlier she cried at the thought of me leaving, and on my birthday 2 days earlier she jumped up and down with excitement to see me, although we did have a talk about our futures where it became clear I did not like her plans and very gently (I'm not an asshole) tried to suggest other things). She declined to meet and talk about it, as is her right and wished me all that was good in the world. My life has changed a lot since then, I've moved city (she has too) I've started at a new university, Ive developed enormously as a person. But the breakup is still stuck with me. No sobbing no sleepless nights but in the quiet moments, when the party isn't that fun or when I walk home from a night out I think about her and it pains me very much. It feels like there was more to be had, like we could have solved our issues if only we had had been willing to fight. I often wonder what she is doing now, how she's doing in her new job and if she ever thinks about me. To complicate matters further ive started to see this new girl, she is in most ways better for me then my ex. She aligns more with my values and future goals. And yet when she lies in my arms it's my ex I think about, and I feel so so shitty. I don't know if I'm fully healed but I hope it's a matter of time. I don't want to hurt this girl, and I've been as good as I can to her. But I can't shake the feeling that this new relationship just isn't the same, even though logically it's way better.

I don't understand why this is still lingering and I would really appreciate if anyone has any useful thoughts or tips. How do I finally let go?

I miss her I do, I cant lie about that. But she didn’t care when she left. It was already a hard day for me I attended a funeral earlier that day hoping to come home to her smiling happy to see me. Boy was I surprised when she said we had to talk. She left me that night too. Ever since then it’s just been a constant spiral. First it was all the what ifs that got me and then it was substances that got me after that.

Now most of the time it feels fine until its just me trying to sleep or im not distracted if that makes since, I’ve also quit the substances as much and I’m in a much better place mentally.

But it’s been some time now since any of that, yet i still feel this way. Especially, when I’m alone at night. Im fine throughout the day when im working, gaming,listening to music. But every night she comes back. Ill either think of something we did, a memory or a plan we had and then its just like im back at square one.

I just feel stuck right now and don’t know what direction to take. What does it take?

My ex broke up with me 3+ weeks ago and we have been in no contact during that time. I just feel so alone in my house by myself especially at night knowing I would be laying right next to her, kissing, and talking about life. It really does break my heart.

Now I just feel like a complete loser. I lost someone that meant everything to me, so I just feel like a complete failure even though it may not have even been my fault. I just contemplate daily what I could have done better including how I could have treated her better, not taken her for granted, and showed more effort. It’s all what if now but when you fail, you tend to reflect on what you did wrong and how to improve it in the future.

But as I sit here alone typing this, I just can’t help feel how alone I truly feel without her. She was all the joy and excitement in my life and now that she’s gone, I feel I have no direction, no purpose, no motivation.

I know people have been telling me to work on towards focusing on becoming the best version of myself which I have been doing but it’s just hard to live and enjoy life again when she made me the happiest I have ever been and gave me so much purpose. Now I just feel stuck and lost without her.

Curious to hear anybody else’s thoughts on whether they have ever felt the same way…

Title: I had sex with my ex two weeks ago and now he won’t talk to me
Okay so me and my ex had sex about two weeks ago, and ever since then, I feel like shit about the whole situation.
For some context, this is somebody I used to love and genuinely care about. We have history, and even though we’re not together anymore, I guess a part of me still has some feelings there, even if I’m not necessarily trying to get back into a relationship with him.
When we had sex, I honestly thought we might continue hooking up from time to time. Before we did anything, he even told me he loves having sex with me, so naturally, I thought maybe we could keep things casual and enjoy each other without all the relationship stuff.
Well, fast forward to now, and I’ve reached out to him multiple times since we had sex, and I haven’t gotten anything back. NOTHING.
And honestly, it makes me feel stupid as hell. Like, why did I even do it in the first place? I was perfectly fine before I opened that door again, and now I feel like I put myself in a position to be ignored by somebody I already have history with.
The thing is, I wasn’t expecting him to suddenly ask me to be his girlfriend or profess his love for me. I wasn’t even asking for a relationship. I was okay with something casual. But I also didn’t expect to have sex with somebody and then feel like I don’t even exist afterward.
At this point, I don’t know if I’m more upset about him ignoring me or the fact that I allowed myself to get into this situation in the first place. I keep thinking maybe I shouldn’t have slept with him because now I’m sitting here feeling shitty about something that was supposed to be fun.
And before anybody says I should have known better because he’s my ex, trust me, I’ve already had that conversation with myself. 😭 I know I can’t make somebody communicate with me, and I know I need to leave him alone at this point. I’ve reached out enough.
I guess I’m just disappointed because I thought we could at least have a casual arrangement without making things weird. Now I’m left wondering why he was saying what he was saying before we had sex if he was going to act like this afterward.
Has anybody else ever hooked up with an ex thinking you could keep things casual, only to end up regretting it because of how they treated you afterward? How did you get past that feeling?

My ex (23F) broke up with me (25 M) 3 weeks ago and I thought I was doing better until today. I was on vacation all of last week with my family so that took away a lot of my thoughts from her but now that I returned home it’s relapsed to being as awful as the first week. it’s clear that I have to keep myself busy but you can only do that so long. everything I do can’t help but think about her. When they say a breakup is a rollercoaster ride they weren’t kidding. Some days are better than the rest but today has just been horrible and there was nothing I could do to get her off my mind. It’s just still devastating and shocking to me how well I thought our relationship was going and then one day she woke up and decided to end things breaking my heart into pieces. She constantly texted me throughout the day and told me how much she loved me (which she even said during the breakup) but yet still decided to give up on our relationship so easy without communicating any of her concerns or griefs with me. It completely sucks because I would have fixed anything she wanted me to but she didn’t even give me a chance. Idk how i will love again. Does anybody feel the same?

my ex broke up with me 3 months ago. After about2 months I was doing really well but recently it feels like I've gone back to square one. I miss her so much but I know I shouldn't message her because I already have about a month after we broke up and she blew me off. But she's been stalking my socials a lot recently but that could mean anything. I'm just really struggling atm. Does anyone have any support or help so I can either get over her or confess my feelings again?

Am I crazy for wanting to talk to my ex after three years of being broken up?
Our breakup was extremely rough, and he got into a new relationship almost immediately afterward. He treated me very badly and disrespected me in ways I’ll never forget. He even proposed to his new girlfriend after a year, but they broke up a few months ago.
Honestly, I wouldn’t have even considered talking to him if I hadn’t seen his brother a few days ago. From a distance, I thought it was my ex, and I completely froze. I was in shock.
We both work in the medical field and live in the same community, so I’ve always had this fear in the back of my mind that one day I’d run into him after all these years and wouldn’t know how to react.
I definitely don’t want to get back together with him because of how badly he disrespected me. But a part of me feels like I want to have a conversation with him, maybe just to clear the air and finally put the past behind me.
I’m honestly not sure what to do or whether reaching out after all this time is even a good idea.

What should I do , I have decided this time that I will never go back he cheated on me but I also want him to come at least for once and explain why he did this to me, we were having so real connection, he check on me, he have unblocked me and check on me , last time he came back to me telling me he is not able to live without me, not even able to focus on his work but it's been 2 months , I know he is not doing good, he is continuously checking on me too. I miss him so much

My boyfriend and I just broke up. We were fighting a lot the past month. He decided it was never going to get better and was upset about it but felt like it was the smart thing to do. We fought mostly about my trust for him that he broke. We both love eachother but the constant fighting took a toll on him. He told me he wasn’t sure if he was making the right decision but he felt like this was what needs to be done.
He also told me if in the future we rekindle we can create something better but now we are over.
What confuses me is that our goodbye was very emotional and affectionate. He hugged me, kissed me, and even came back for another goodbye.
I know we both have things we need to work on individually, and I plan on giving him space rather than chasing him or trying to convince him to stay. A part of me still hopes that time apart might allow us to reflect and potentially find our way back to each other

Men who ended a serious relationship because you felt emotionally exhausted, did time apart make you miss her or confirm your decision?
And for reconciling, what made you come back? Did she reach? Or did you?

I hope you're doing well

I miss you M&L. I fucked up so bad by treating you do unkind. All of the name calling and disrespect. I would give my life to take it all back if it would make you at least not hate me. I live a very secluded life. Dont really talk to anyone outside of work and even they are only yhete for work. Do you remember when we broke up I said I cheated on you? I only said that to hurt you. I never did cheat on you. It was only you the whole time. Thats one thing I needed you to know, not that will make a difference but I had to day it. Now im blocked on every source of communication with you, I hope you still are on here. You can text me sometime. Even if its just to say how your doing or that you really never want to speak again. I still love you but in a regretful, remorseful and a much softer way. The kind of love I think you needed to feel when we were us. I wont text you a novel. Im so sorry but they're just words.

Why is my 4 month relationship hitting harder than my 2 year relationship. She knew I wasn't ready, love bombed me, told me she loved me 3 days before she blindsided the absolute hell out of me saying "were not compatible". Holy fuh I would not wish this on my worst enemy. Its been a month and shit is stabbing me through and through. Someone tell me it will be okay.