I (31M) have been seeing a woman (29F) for about six weeks. Five dates, pretty consistent communication, and honestly the first person I've felt genuinely excited about in a while.
Something happened on our last date that I haven't quite figured out how to address.
We were having dinner and joking about how awkward we both were when we first met. She laughed and said, "You should've seen the debate about whether you were actually nervous or just trying to seem cute."
I asked what debate.
Apparently she has a group chat with four friends where she regularly sends screenshots of our conversations. She pulled it up to show me, seemingly thinking I'd find it funny.
There were screenshots of me asking her out, suggesting restaurants, and trying to flirt. Whatever, a little embarrassing but not the end of the world.
Then I saw a message I'd sent her after our third date. I'd mentioned that I hadn't dated much since a difficult breakup and sometimes overthink things because of it. I wasn't asking her to fix anything. It was just something personal I felt comfortable telling her.
That message had been screenshotted too.
One friend thought it was sweet that I was being honest. Another suggested I might not be over my ex. They'd apparently had a whole discussion about it.
I got quieter after that. She noticed, and I told her I wasn't thrilled about personal messages being passed around. She said her friends are her support system and that everyone discusses the people they're dating with their friends.
I actually agree with that. I talk to my best friend about dating sometimes. But I'll say something like "I'm not sure how she feels about me," not send him someone's exact words to pick apart.
She apologized for making me uncomfortable, but she also seemed genuinely surprised that I cared.
I don't want to dictate what she can tell her friends. I also don't love the idea that every slightly awkward or vulnerable thing I say might end up being reviewed by five people.
Would you consider this a normal part of dating that I need to get used to, or is asking someone not to share screenshots of private conversations a reasonable boundary? And if it is, how would you bring it up without making it sound like you're trying to isolate them from their friends?