Previously posted on “single parents” but would love some advice from the dads, especially now more info has come to light.

Upon their return from a holiday with my ex, my 5 y/o mentioned that an adult friend of my ex’s entered a room without any clothes on, and specifically mentioned having seen said adult’s genitals.

Though I’m certain nothing further untoward occurred, and it could have been accident, I was repulsed by the notion of another adult apparently parading around naked while other families were sharing a common home. Personally, I avoid being nude in front of my child, and couldn’t imagine being nude in front of someone else’s.

Just to be clear, this didn’t happen in the changing rooms of a swimming pool, or something similar - it happened in a room of the holiday home they were staying in.

I’ve mentioned this to a couple of other people who didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. This thinking at least seems to come from the fact the other adult was the same gender as my child, both female. To me, this should make no difference, but that’s only my opinion.

I did approach my ex about this and, alarmingly to me, she has shut down any conversation about it, just denying it, and rejecting the specifics of the situation.

Am I overreacting in my concern?

EDIT: today I tried asking my child a little more about this, and they got sheepish before stating that her mother had told them not to tell me such things, and claimed they’d “accidentally” said it. I’m even more concerned now.

I’m a 41-year-old divorced father of two young children (6 and 4). I’ve been divorced for a few years, share 50/50 custody with my ex-wife, and have a reasonably stable career and life. I recently developed feelings for a 26-year-old woman I work with, and I’m struggling to figure out whether this relationship has a realistic future or whether I’m setting myself up for heartbreak.
We started getting close a couple of months ago. What began as flirting and casual conversations developed into something much deeper. We started spending time together outside work, going on dates, becoming physically intimate, and eventually developing strong feelings for each other.
The chemistry has been incredible, both physically and emotionally. We laugh constantly, have meaningful conversations, and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. I’ve dated since my divorce, but I haven’t felt this strongly about someone in a long time.
However, there are some significant complications.
**1. My past and family situation**
She’s never been married and doesn’t have children. She wants marriage, children, and a traditional family of her own someday. She’s expressed concerns about becoming someone’s second wife, potentially being a stepmother, and having to navigate a relationship where my ex-wife will always be involved because of our children.
I’ve tried to reassure her that I’m open to getting married again and even having more children with the right person. But I also understand that dating someone with two young kids and an ex-wife is very different from starting a family with someone who doesn’t have that history.
Recently, we had a disagreement after I explained some of the financial and parenting arrangements I have with my ex-wife. She felt I was being too accommodating and that my ex still had too much influence over my life.
I initially became defensive, although I’ve since reflected on whether I need to establish firmer boundaries in certain areas.
**2. Her ex-boyfriend came back into the picture**
Around the time we were becoming more emotionally invested, her ex-boyfriend reached out wanting to reconnect. They had dated previously, and apparently there were unresolved feelings.
She ultimately decided to give that relationship another chance.
This was devastating because we’d developed what felt like a genuine connection. She was emotional when telling me and acknowledged that she still had feelings for me.
I tried to respect her decision and establish boundaries, especially because we work together.
**3. Things haven’t exactly ended between us**
Despite her decision to return to her ex, we’ve continued talking and spending time together. Recently, we had another deeply emotional evening together where she opened up about difficult experiences from her childhood and how they shaped her views on relationships, love, and what she wants from a partner.
We also became physically intimate again, meaning she’s now crossed a boundary in her renewed relationship with her boyfriend. I’m fully aware that I participated in that decision, and I’m not proud of contributing to a situation where someone else could get hurt.
Afterward, she expressed that she needed to figure things out with her boyfriend and reestablish boundaries between us.
I told her I respected that, but I’m struggling with the emotional whiplash of feeling incredibly close to someone one moment and being pushed away the next.
**4. Where I’m struggling**
I genuinely love this woman, or at least believe I’m falling in love with her. I see qualities in her that I would want in a long-term partner, and I believe our connection goes far beyond physical attraction.
But I’m also aware of the reality:
We’re at very different stages of life.
My children and ex-wife will always be part of my life.
She has legitimate reservations about stepping into that situation.
She’s currently choosing to pursue another relationship, even though her behavior suggests she’s conflicted.
We work together, making it difficult to create distance.
Part of me believes that if she could work through her fears about my circumstances, we could build something meaningful. Another part wonders whether I’m so emotionally invested that I’m ignoring obvious signs that we’re incompatible.
**My questions:**
Has anyone successfully navigated a relationship with a significant age gap where one person has children from a previous marriage and the other doesn’t?
Am I confusing strong chemistry and emotional intimacy with actual long-term compatibility?
Is it reasonable to give someone time to figure out what they want, or am I essentially making myself an option while she explores another relationship?
For women who’ve dated divorced fathers, what helped you feel secure about entering an already-established family dynamic?
I’m not looking for advice on how to convince her to choose me. I’m trying to figure out whether this is something worth leaving the door open for or whether the healthiest thing is to accept that feelings alone aren’t enough.
**TL;DR:** I’m a 41M divorced dad of two who developed strong feelings for a 26F coworker. We have incredible chemistry, but she’s hesitant about my family situation and recently got back with her ex. Despite that, we’ve continued being emotionally and physically involved. She’s now trying to establish boundaries while figuring out her relationship. I’m torn between believing there’s a future here and recognizing that I may need to walk away.

I have had primary physical custody of my wonderful 5 yr old for almost 4 years now. The mother is allowed supervised visitation and calls but has been mostly no contact. She has also been homeless and jobless for most of this time. By her own choice as she hasn't been arrested or institutionalized.

How can the court decides to modify her support order which I was already lenient at $200 instead of $400 a month and drop it to $0? I got no notice of this change happening. If she was a man they would've thrown her in jail for non payment since February.

This is mostly just to vent. But I've worked my ass off to raise this child without any support. And the state just let's her accountability drop to 0 for no reason.

​

I’m a dad to a 7-year-old boy and honestly, I’ve been struggling with this situation for a while. I’m looking for advice from other dads who have been through something similar.

His mother and I are separated, and we don’t have a formal custody order. We’ve been trying to handle things informally, but lately, co-parenting has become increasingly difficult.

I have him every other weekend, and I also see him Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings to make him breakfast and get him on the school bus and whenever Im off during the week.I cherish that time with him, but the hardest part is knowing how much he struggles emotionally with the separation.

He tells me all the time that he misses me, wishes he could live with me, and has a hard time with transitions between our homes. I reassure him that he’s allowed to love and miss both parents, that none of this is his fault, and that he never has to choose sides.

The problem is that when he expresses those feelings to his mother, she sometimes responds by telling him things like, “If you miss him so much, go live with him.” I feel like he’s being made to feel guilty for expressing perfectly normal feelings about missing his dad. There have also been situations where overnights have been threatened or taken away amid these conflicts, which leaves me feeling like my relationship with my son is being used as leverage.

Aiden has also been acting out more at school, and I’m concerned that he’s having trouble regulating his emotions. He has even expressed that he wants therapy because he doesn’t know how to handle his feelings. I agree that he deserves that support, but his mother has been against therapy and has dismissed the idea because it didn’t help her personally.

I’m not looking to label anyone or turn my son against his mother. I want him to have a healthy relationship with both of us. I’m in therapy myself, and I’m trying to be the most stable, supportive father I can be.

What hurts is feeling like I have to carefully navigate every situation because I’m afraid that speaking up for my son or pushing for what he needs could result in me losing time with him. I want to protect him without putting him in the middle of our disagreements.

I’ve spent a lot of time feeling guilty about the separation and wondering whether I’m doing enough. All I want is for my son to feel safe expressing his emotions, to know that both parents love him, and to have the support he needs.

For the dads who have been through something similar: How do you handle a co-parent who dismisses your child’s emotional struggles or reacts negatively when your child expresses missing you? How do you advocate for your child without escalating the conflict or risking your parenting time?

I love my boy more than anything. I’m just trying to figure out how to do right by him while navigating a situation that sometimes feels impossible. I want to involve the courts but I'm buried in debt from bending to her will. She doesn't want to go to court that was the first thing she said to me. Her new bf moved in within 6 months(dated 4 months after break up)so I feel like theres some confusion with my son

Hej guys i have a very hard time after 2 very stressful years.... i try to sum it up quickly
So on 1.4.2023 my daughter was born and i went on parental leave - i wanted to take it long cause my gf had a better paid job and she did not want to be long away from gere workplace. In my country we can have a lot of parental leave.
Then in October 24 so i and a have year later i wanted to return to my job but they shutdow.n my Department and i was fired.. already felt miserable back then but didn't know why.
Then january 25 i got cancer and had to do chemo...
Moved to my parents becuase my daughter was going to child care and i had a would be weakened during chemo and could get sick fast.
June 25 - chemo is finished and i am happy but got a myocarditis becuase tge chemo was so hard my heart... in about the same time my gf told me that she doesn't want to be with me anymore and i am devastated ... she already saw someone for sex or something like that... details unknown but i saw she had sex dating apps and later lingerie and sex toys bought when I was more often in her appartment...
My world was destroyed i was destroyed...

She said its better without me...
Till 2025 i cured the myocarditis and then in february started to work out and socialize more. It was planned that i would have anouther cancer treatment since my vhemo began but in end of February it was then cancelled. Around thi time i was frequently picking up my daughter from child care and staying with her at (ex) gfs appartment and i always when i am there i am reminded of our relationship and so on - it was our appartment before i moved to my parents...
now i am in a rehabilitation centre which you have to do after bei g sick for long and I feel so lonely and only want my familiy back.

I feel so worthless at this point having lost my job then living with my parents ( its very hard to find an Appartement here when you are unemployed) and without my family... the loss of job, health and relationship in just 9 months of time fucked me up bad. I wanted fron her to give me another chance... the reaponses are mixxed ... and i feel just that my life is pontlesss at this moment...

My whole daily mood is always dependent on how my Call with gf was or how nice ahe is to me and so on.... my thoughts are only spinning around this and i am so afraid that she will have another man eventually...

I know that i need a new job soon and i will look for one. Good thing is that i am financially covered.

But socially i am a wreck, becuase you lose a bit contact with people when you dont work for so long ( april 23. ) and also i got just very few friends left but everybody with children....

I just want to move on, dont let myself be dependent of her mood and treatment but also want her Back even after how she lect me when i needed her the most.

Sorry guys for the long post but I needed to vent..

TL; DR from parental leave to job loss to cancer and then being single dad.... trying to get over her ...

My daughter has been in advanced classes since 6th grade. She has done reasonably well maintaining a B- to B+ average over the years. This year she is sitting at a C- in a few classes. I have a pretty rocky co-parenting relationship with her mom. I want to discuss my daughter's classes and performance with her mom but am afraid it will come across as me telling her she's not doing her part to make sure my daughter is staying on top of her school work. I talk to my daughter about school regularly and push her to do her best, but I'd like to be on the same page as her mom making sure she's getting schoolwork done. Any tips or advice in bringing up her school performance with her mom whom I really struggle communicating with are appreciated. I want my daughter to succeed. Especially since she has high school credits on the line this year.

Hey dads,

So a sensitive question but it’s been bugging me lately. And it sounds like a joke, but I’m genuinely curious how you handle being sexually frustrated and needing release, while juggling kids and not really getting any time to ourselves / myself.

Even shower time is no longer my own time lol. So i guess i just want to know im not a freak for feeling pent up. And what do you a guys do about it?

Thanks.

**TL;DR:** Divorced dad with 50/50 custody of two young boys. Very different parenting styles between households. My youngest recently told me he gets called a crybaby when he’s upset at his mom’s house. Struggling with knowing I can’t control what happens there and trying to focus on being a safe, loving, supportive parent while still raising resilient, accountable boys.

34M, divorced, two boys who are 7 and 10. We split custody week on, week off.

I’ll start by saying I know things could be a lot worse. The boys are healthy, loved, and overall really great kids. Better than I probably deserve. I’ve also had to come to terms with the fact that their mom and I have pretty different parenting styles, and there’s only so much I can control.

I try to parent with high expectations but equally high support. I want my boys to be resilient, independent, respectful, and accountable, but I also want them to know that having emotions doesn’t make them weak.

My oldest is more reserved and tends to keep things to himself. He’s very logical, but underneath that he’s still a 10-year-old with big feelings and insecurities. My youngest is the opposite. He’s sensitive, wears his heart on his sleeve, and is incredibly hard on himself. He wants to do everything right and really struggles when he feels like he’s disappointed someone.

Transitions between houses have always been tough, especially for my youngest. I’ve suspected for a while that part of it is because he feels like he has to bottle things up at his mom’s house.

Her new husband is a fitness influencer, very much the David Goggins, tough-love, no-excuses type. He has openly
admitted that love and affection is from their mom. Fortunately I’m not currently dealing with it (we put no corporal punishment in our newest custody agreement) but when he was tbh boyfriend he used excessive exercise as a form of punishment. Whatever floats your boat, but personally I don’t think that’s the best approach to raising young kids, especially ones who are already navigating two households.

Today my youngest had a pretty tough emotional breakdown and finally opened up about some of it. He told me that when he cries at his mom’s house, he gets called a crybaby and told to go to his room until he can sort himself out.

That one really hurt to hear.

I’m all for teaching kids to regulate their emotions, but I think there’s a pretty big difference between teaching a child how to work through his feelings and teaching him that those feelings are something to be ashamed of.

Both boys have asked to spend more time with me. And as much as I’d love that, I’m realistic about the situation. Pursuing more custody isn’t necessarily going to change much, and regardless, their mom and her husband are going to be part of their lives.

I can’t control what happens in another household. I can’t make other adults see things the way I do, and I’m not interested in turning this into some competition over who’s the better parent. That’s not fair to the boys.

So I guess I’ve come to the conclusion that my job is to be their soft place to land.

To support them, encourage them, build them up, and make sure they never have to question whether they’re loved. To hold them accountable when they screw up, but also make sure they know that making mistakes, crying, or having a bad day doesn’t make them any less worthy of love or respect.

I worry about the long-term effects of growing up between two homes. I know divorce doesn’t automatically mean kids are destined to struggle, but I can’t help wondering what all of this is doing to them emotionally, especially at such young ages.

I try to lead with the golden rule in our house. Treat people how you want to be treated. Be kind, generous, respectful, and compassionate. But also have boundaries, stand up for yourself, and understand that not everyone in this world is going to treat you with the same kindness you give them.

I want to raise good men. Not just tough men, or successful men, but genuinely good human beings who are comfortable with who they are and how they feel.

I guess I’m not really looking for answers as much as I am venting. It’s just hard knowing your kids are struggling somewhere you can’t protect them, and that sometimes all you can do is love them through it.

For those of you raising kids between two very different households, how do you make peace with the things you can’t control? How do you help your kids build resilience without teaching them to shut down emotionally?

When did non resident father's become the enemy?

I work 40 hours a week

I earn £2700 a month after tax (40k salary) and I pay £340 a month in child maintenance for 108 nights a year CMS

after the child maintenance is paid l it leaves £2360

My mortgage is then  £1300 a month

= £1060  left

That £1060 then pays my utility bills, gas water electricity internet council tax diesel and my weekly food shop for me and my son, leaving me around £400 a month spare, or £100 a week. This is before days out and things I buy my son.

Now let's compare my ex

She works 16 hours a week in a shop

Wages £881 , doesn't pay tax or NI

Child maintenance £340

Child benefit £100

Universal credit including rent element £1100 a month.

The council/ UC cover her rent upto £575 (her rent is £700 meaning she only has to pay £125)

= £2421. Minus her £125 she pays for rent = £2300.

So she has £2300 left to pay her bills (water gas electricity council tax petrol and weekly food shop for her and our son)

No idea what that costs but she probably still has a grand a month disposable income.

Meanwhile  muggings here has a half an hour commute each way, works 5 days week is completely responsible for all household maintenance, boiler service repairs etc (my sons mum doesn't have to worry about any of that of course in her rented flat)

How is it that the response adult working full time paying tax is left worse off  than a single mum on benefits.

I have my son two nights a week and every second Friday.

I'd of course love to have him more, but unfortunately I have to go to work, I don't have universal credit to cover!

Rant over

I'm trying to get some perspective here as my ex's behavior is getting increasingly combative, and is now showing signs of trying to manipulate my kid, and alienate them from me.

I know these things are looked at in custody cases, but I don't know what's "enough" from a court standpoint. There's a lot to get in to with my situation, but for the most part it was pretty clear that my ex was having a kid with me for financial reasons, so I'm a little wary of how much they really care about them, which is coming out in different ways. My gut is telling me to fight, but I don't think I have enough ammo, especially being a man.

Life at a crossroads with wife. Do things get better?

I've been married for 12 years now and have 2 kids aged 8 and 6 - both boys.
During COVID, I had a severe heart attack and had to be taken to the emergency (thankfully, got saved with stenting) but that incident changed something in me. I became irritable and lost my patience quite a bit. I was also a smoker for 15+ years and quit abruptly (cold turkey) which may have added to the irritatable part.

Our marriage I'd say at the time was okay. Not a fairy tale but I deeply cared about my wife (and it worked both ways) however it was an arranged marriage and my love for her was not very textbook (I am an introvert and rarely demonstrate my love by speaking out in front of others) in that I wasn't very expressive OR rarely used to show my love in front of others. This was an issue earlier as she had told me many times that she desired to be loved and I need to be more expressive.

After my heart attack, she started to have panic attacks (she was alone with 2 kids at home during COVID and we weren't allowed to have too many visitors at the time owing to social distancing norms in our country) and honestly speaking it turned out that I needed to take good care of her instead of the other way round.

I thought I'll break the cycle here, give her some break from me and the kids and asked her to take a solo trip to Bali. I also decided to make more efforts and try to get more physically intimate with her (which she liked but I was never a demanding person when it came to sex). She was very happy with this idea and had the 8 day long solo trip but when she came back, her drive was totally gone.

I realized later that she was unhappy with me and had several 'encounters' with a few gentlemen while in Bali. I also realized that she was sexting with and having phone sex with one of her previous friends (waay back from 2010s) - a guy who is happily single and now has access to some of her nudes. She may also have had a fling with some of our known friends (I don't know for sure but I did find some indicative messages).

After all of this when confronted, she was heartbroken and told me she'd never do it again and that she loves me and our kids and doesn't want our marriage to be in ruins. I also asked her how can she be sure because the reason she claimed that she was unfaithful was I was not giving her the love that she wanted. I asked her how that would change and she had no answer.

I've been heartbroken since then and I've tried therapy, taken meds and tried speaking to a psychiatrist as well however I cannot seem to forgive and forget. Please note that deep down, I wish to forgive and forget as I want my kids to have a normal childhood.

I am at a crossroads now. Our fights (as expected) have not gotten any mellower and although I agree that I'm more irritable now than earlier, she somehow claims that I don't see that I'm at fault for starting fights.

We live in another country on employment visas and our life is dependent on both our incomes.

I would like to know a few things from fellow people who have been here before:

1. Will separating help ? How will that affect the kids?
   
2. Is there a remotest chance that things get better with just counselling ?
   
3. Is sucking your ego up a solution for the betterment of kids ?
   
4. I'm also at a stage where my mind needs a break. Otherwise I feel like I'll just collapse under pressure.

Please help out here - I am open to all feedback and all suggestions/criticisms (be gentle though).

I wasnt a good partner. I didnt take her out on a regular basis until she would tell me. I became very distant as our relationship went on. It got to the point that when I did try it didnt count. The "thank you for taking me out" were fake and a way to convince her that she was happy in the relationship. Year after year I told her I would try and the time would slip away from me.

Now she sends me IG reels and captions them "what would you do if your daughter was made feel this way".

Its a constant battle in my head because I am constantly trying to be a better dad to my kids. That lingering voice constantly whispering "you already ruined your relationship just how your dad broke your mom. So just finish the job and be a bad father". I couldnt break that cycle but I can still break the cycle of being a bad dad. Im going to start therapy and the plan is to have my kids start therapy to so they dont grow up like I did feeling like no one loved me or could help.

How did the guys that were the bad guys rise up for themselves and their loved ones??

Single dad here (30).
Im a weekend dad to my 5y/o. I would love to see him more than 3 days but obviously i have to work etc.
My baby mother is a good person but it very hard headed. When we broke up i moved home and put all my energy into getting a big down payment on a house. She decided to rent out of stubbornness. The house is a dump mold etc. If i had it my way id go balistic at the land lord and put a case forward. But unfortunately i dont have much of a say and i dont want to jeopardize anything. ( i have been threatened about not being let see my son before)
Anyways i have enough to comfortably get a mortgage for a house. I want to get my son out of that rented house but if i let my ex move in realistically she’ll have more entitlement to shelter than i will because im obviously not going to kick her out of the house if and when we start arguing again.
Had anyone any advice please should i but a house close to her and my childs school or should i get something that would benefit me the most. (I travel for work so a midland home would suit me best.
Please any advice would be appreciated! What would you guys do?

I’m looking for advice from other single parents who have been through something similar, especially those in Washington state.
My daughter’s mother recently informed me—not asked me—that she is taking our daughter out of the country for Christmas. This means I wouldn’t get to spend Christmas Eve or Christmas Day with my daughter because she would be out of the country with her mother on those days.
We had discussed a holiday arrangement where our daughter would spend Christmas Eve overnight with one parent and then be exchanged at 10 a.m. on Christmas Day to spend time with the other parent.
Last Christmas, I only got to have my daughter until 5 p.m. on Christmas Eve and didn’t get her back until after 4 p.m. on Christmas Day. I felt that was unfair, which is why I wanted us to alternate holidays more fairly this year.
When I told her mother I didn’t agree with taking our daughter out of the country during Christmas because it would prevent me from seeing her on both holidays, she said she had already purchased the tickets.
We have mediation coming up soon to establish our parenting plan, but nothing has been finalized by the court yet. The holiday arrangement we discussed is not part of a finalized court order.
My questions are: Can the other parent legally take our child out of the country for Christmas even though I have objected? Does the fact that our parenting plan isn’t finalized make a difference? Should I consider getting a lawyer before mediation?
I honestly didn’t want things to get to the point where I needed a lawyer. I hoped we could work things out fairly for our daughter. However, I feel like my concerns aren’t being considered, and I’m worried this decision may be connected to the fact that I want to maintain separate lives outside of parenting.
For context, my daughter is happy spending time with both of us separately. I’m not trying to keep her from her mother or interfere with their relationship. I just want meaningful holiday time with my daughter, too, and I believe these arrangements should be fair to both parents.
At the end of our text conversation, her mother said we would figure it out. I suggested that she take our daughter on the trip after Christmas instead, so we could both have our time with her during the holidays. She responded by saying she had to go to bed. Honestly, I feel like she may be trying to get a reaction out of me, but I’m doing my best to stay calm and focus on what’s fair for our daughter.
For those in Washington state who have been through something similar, what was your experience? Did you get a lawyer before mediation, and what options did you have when the other parent planned international travel before a parenting plan was finalized?
I would really appreciate any advice or insight. Thank you.

TL;DR: We are separated parents struggling to agree on a secondary school for our 11-year-old son, who has ADHD and dyslexia. I favour the school near me because he prefers it and has strong rugby connections there; his mum prefers schools nearer her and prioritises his existing primary-school friendships, practical arrangements and concerns about SEND support. I want an impartial view on how to weigh his wishes, friendships, stability, school quality and transport without putting pressure on him or criticising his mum.

My ex and I are struggling to agree on which secondary school our 11-year-old son should attend, and I’d appreciate some impartial opinions on how we’re handling it.

For context, we live separately and share parenting. Our son has ADHD and dyslexia, so I think the decision needs to consider academic support, pastoral care, friendships, sports and his overall happiness.

We are considering three schools: one close to his mum, one close to where I live, and a third option.

My perspective

I favour the school closer to me, partly because our son has expressed a preference for it and has a strong connection to the local rugby community. He knows around 40 children through rugby who either attend that school or are expected to attend in the future. I think this could help him settle in and give him a familiar support network.

I have never told him he must choose this school. I want him to have a voice in a decision that will significantly affect his life, while understanding that we as parents are ultimately responsible for making the decision.

His mum believes his established primary-school friendships should carry more weight. However, it appears that only one of his close friends is likely to attend her preferred school, while another is going to a specialist farming school. I’m not dismissing his friendships, but I’m unsure how much weight they should carry compared with his other interests and support networks.

I also have concerns about stability. Our son has experienced numerous house moves over the years and has recently moved again. He has told me that he wants a home where he can settle and stop moving. I understand that his mum says these moves were made with good intentions and to improve their circumstances, and she says they are now settled. I’m not trying to criticise her personal choices, but I think the impact of those changes on him is relevant when considering his future.

His mum’s perspective

She prefers the two schools closer to her and has concerns about the school I favour, including its reported absence rate, catchment area, tutor arrangements and the support available for dyslexia.

She also argues that the school is impractical for her because it would involve a longer journey from home and work. She wants us to compare all three schools on their educational merits, pastoral care, behaviour, SEND support, friendships and transport.

She feels I have put our son under pressure by telling him he can choose his secondary school. She says he is already stressed and feels he has to choose between us. Her view is that we should listen to him but make the final decision ourselves.

She has also explained that she has historically taken on most of the school commitments and day-to-day organisation. She feels that my concerns about stability and the way I have approached the school decision amount to criticism of her parenting and personal circumstances. She has said she thinks I am a good father and wants our son to have a good relationship with both of us.

Where I disagree

I agree that our son shouldn't be made responsible for the final decision or feel caught between his parents. However, I don't think listening to his preference means putting the responsibility on him. Surely there is a difference between telling a child, “It's your decision,” and saying, “Your views matter, and we will take them seriously when deciding together.”

I also think the practical difficulties for both parents need to be considered fairly. His mum says we should assess schools on their merits, but the journey to the school I favour is a major reason she feels it isn't a viable option. I understand that her availability during the school day matters, but I don't think we should rule out a school without looking at whether practical arrangements could work.

I have also tried to explain that, although I understand why she has moved, the repeated changes have unsettled our son. She feels this is unfair because she has consistently provided a supportive home and has now settled her circumstances.

After I raised these issues, she said she felt I had manipulated the situation and put her in a difficult position. I asked her to explain what she meant, as I genuinely want to understand why she sees it that way.

We are planning to meet to discuss the options, and the application deadline is approaching.

My questions are:

1. Is it unreasonable to give significant weight to an 11-year-old's preferred school, provided he isn't made responsible for the final decision?

2. How much weight should we give to friendships from primary school compared with established friendships and connections through sports clubs?

3. Is it fair to raise concerns about repeated house moves when discussing a child's need for stability, even if the moves were made with good intentions?

4. How should we balance the practical difficulties for each parent against what may be the best school for the child?

5. Does anything in my approach sound manipulative or as though I'm putting too much pressure on my son? I'd genuinely like to understand if I'm getting this wrong.

I'm not looking for people simply to tell me I'm right. I want an honest outside perspective on whether I'm approaching this fairly and how we can make a decision that puts our son first.

Anybody here have experience dealing with multiple CPS investigations? I've faced four in the past two years, and two this year alone. Every one unsubstantiated. Recently secured equal custody right before the last investigation. All mandatory reporters too, which means I can't prove it's Mom, even though the judge seems to "get it" based on comments made off the record. Mandatory reporters have made comments that suggest they get it too, but they have an obligation, so it is what it is.

Has anyone pursued legal action to try and limit it in the future, like a custody change? Sole legal? I'm not looking to take my child away from her Mom out of revenge, I simply want to create a more supportive space for my child where they don't have to grow up wondering when the next forensic interview is coming, or if this is the day Dad is taken away from them again. And since I can't stop Mom from using these providers, I'd like to give the case worker for the next investigation (bet) all the evidence they can possibly have to dismiss the intake as quickly as possible.

And perhaps more importantly - how does it affect the kids? My kiddo has gone through so many forensic interviews I'm worried one day they will say whatever, just to make the interrogations stop.

It’s been about three weeks since I found the love of my life cheating. We were together for 18 years and had 3 kids. She quit being a mom a few years back, so I was already doing all of the cooking/cleaning/laundry/kids activities so thankfully the kids life’s haven’t changed much.
I’m a decent looking 5’9” man in good shape. I made the mistake of joining Hinge just to see the pool… and I can’t help but think that a man with three kids full time in the day of age is just a no from woman. I haven’t received anything on there. Do you just give up and focus on the kids, or am I reacting to soon?

Where to start… I met an energetic outgoing fun woman who was 20 years younger. We started as friends and I assumed that was all it would be until we slept together out of the blue one day. We struggled to find a rhythm and eventually made it work. It was amazing! We made the decision to not have any kids. Covid hit and we were both laid off at home… a lot! She was on Birth control and refused to let me wear protection due to the fact she loved the feeling. Needless to say…
She was late the first month and she blew it off saying it was normal… the 2nd came and she refused to take a test…the third month came and she reluctantly decided to take a test. Positive! Went to the Doctor and they confirmed 18 weeks along! We were past the point of making a decision. I was upset, lost my cool but quickly apologized. Said we would be together. We were good, had our daughter. She was a work from home mom. Spent all of her time at home. My job changed and she went back to work. Shortly after she was going out with her friends every week. I was rushing home from work to pick up our daughter. I lost my job and we had a come to Jesus in which she admitted to an affair on the girls night out. But I never got a straight story. We moved so we could start fresh. She took a job away from her old one as the guy she had ‘interest in’ worked with her. I eventually got a job after almost 6 months with a new company shortly afterwards and she decided she didn’t like her new job and wanted to go back. She stayed with a good friend, but then she got weird. Distant. She stopped making the effort to come home. Still came back but made it so she came home one day and left the next. Our daughter started to struggle emotionally.
I started to also, become a single parent almost overnight. I have been here before raising a kiddo was not the struggle but the issue was her lack of interest. It eventually came out she was not staying at her friends house but had got an apartment above her work (included in her ‘pay’ but she stopped paying bills at home. Long story short I have never been invited to this apartment. Have never seen it and it seems like a huge secret. I didn’t really care pretty much assuming the worst but being called horrible things for ever mentioning it. Or trying to talk about it. I’m pretty sure she is with someone else but refuses to ‘leave me’. I’m done! We don’t really ever have sex. She is always in a rush to get back. She says she is looking for job closer to home but in 2 years has found ‘nothing’! I pay 85% of the bills and she has a hard time covering her 15%. I am here for our daughter 24/7, trying to take a night off ends with me being given shit that I don’t want to spend time with her. Not to mention every time there is an emergency and she needs money she asks
Me.
So I am left feeling like shit. And trying to explain to my daughter why I’m the practical parent instead of the Disney land parent without being negative I work from home but have to travel 2 days a week which I never have any coverage for.
Am I at the point where it’s time to part ways?!?I think the answer is clear but pulling my daughter away from her mom is killing me.

I'm a mom in my late 30s with a toddler, going through a divorce, and wondering whether other parents who've had difficult marriages still dream about finding love and building a family again.

I grew up in an international family, with lots of travel and wonderful lifelong friendships scattered around the world. I'm incredibly grateful for all of it, but I've always dreamed of putting down roots somewhere and building a big, warm, happy family and close-knit community. Kids running around together, friends dropping by, family dinners, weekend adventures, and two people who genuinely love sharing the ordinary parts of raising children. What's especially heartbreaking is that I feel like I've finally gotten almost everything else in my life where I want it. I have a career I love, financial independence, flexibility to spend time with my child, and I'm healthier and fitter than I've ever been, and generally feel so excited about life. And my toddler is such a wonderful and joyful little person. And somehow, just as everything else is coming together, the bottom is falling out of my marriage -- there have been broken promises, financial betrayals, and years of feeling increasingly alone. In short, I thought I was building a family with someone who wanted the same things I did, and it's painful to realize how different the reality has been.

I find myself wondering whether there are single dads who've had similar experiences: who genuinely love being fathers, perhaps have been carrying most of the parenting responsibilities themselves, and still hope to find someone who wants to share all of it. I love the thought of two people finding each other and eventually creating a loving blended family, where the children feel equally cherished and everyone is genuinely happy to be there. But, I'm also scared. It's hard enough to trust someone again after betrayal, and so much harder when there's a little person whose happiness and safety matter more than anything. I don't want to give up on the dream, but I also can't imagine taking that kind of risk lightly.

For those of you who have been through something similar, do you still want that kind of family life? Have any of you found it? How do you reconcile wanting to open your heart and home to someone again with the fear of getting it wrong, especially where your kids are concerned? I'd really love to hear your experiences. Part of me worries I'm being naive, but another part still hopes that the happiest chapter of family life might be ahead.

My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago and took/sold everything out of our shared apartment while I was gone visiting a family member who was on hospice earlier this month. She took our children to Mexico, to a small city near the border of Guatemala. We had previously verbally agreed to co-parent, but we had not worked out the details or gone to court. So, it surprised me when she did that. She's currently living with her father in Mexico and has not communicated with me or let me see the children. I hired an attorney and got a temporary order granting me legal and physical custody after a court hearing with a judge. I don't understand what she's trying to accomplish. I guess she's trying to punish me for the breakup, but it almost seems like she expects me to just disappear or something. Her father reached out to me and said I need to send him money if I want to get video calls or pictures of my two sons. I'm sure the financial pressure of having three more mouths to feed is already getting to him. However, I told him that what he was proposing was disturbing to me and that the children needed to be returned immediately. Then, he sent me a rant about how I'm not a real man or father. The children have been ordered to return immediately at this point, and I have a follow-up hearing next month for the judge to check whether they have been returned. My attorney has started the process of contacting the San Diego DA's Office and also filling out a Hague Convention complaint because we are both confident that she and her father will not willingly return the children. I'm concerned about the entire process of having the children returned to California. I read on the DA's website that the mother and any other adults involved could be charged with felony child abduction. Anybody been through something similar and what was the outcome?

I make ~95,000 currently. Got a job offer for ~250,000.

The catch: 20 hours fly from home. Permanent relocation. It would be a long onboarding (until end of Q1) + relocation mid 2027.

I have 50% of custody. 2 girls, 7 and 8yo. I’m very close to them, specially with the older. Even in an optimistic scenario (I have 25 business days for PTO currently) and assuming they could travel with me on summer break, that would give me 10 maybe 12 weeks to be with them. It would break my heart.

I know that if I leave for let’s say, 2 years (?) I could save enough to pay for college and a nice place to live. I know that at that age, they probably would not resent it and won’t remember in the long term. But I just can’t cope with it.

As I said, just venting. I need to decline or accept by Monday. I know what I am going to say. I just dwell on the fact that if this had happened 1 year ago, when I was still together with the ex, we would have said yes in a heartbeat.

Thanks for reading.

Has anyone had the experience of having another child with a different person and having it be a completely different experience? I was thinking about it and although I’m not even dating or trying to, I was wondering if anyone else has experienced everything that goes along with being pushed out of your child’s life, court, all the dramatics that come with this horrible situation but then met someone and had a child and were able to be the dad and husband that you weren’t given the chance to be before? Like having a child with someone who actually wanted to be a family.

I just got a call fresh k a very nervous sounding gentleman who’s apparently a public stereo at a hospital that o got laid off from two years ago asking if I was ‘on site’ on literally any j m girlfriends bed Nah bro WTF