DH42 and I have been together for 2 years and married since July. He has SS14 and SD20. SD20 has a strained relationship with her father due to the divorce and his past treatment of her, but the son comes every other weekend max, many times skipping a weekend. DH has a “fun job” bartending at college football games that isn’t necessary for us to stay financially afloat. The games always seem to line up when his son comes. So he will pick his son up late Friday, go to dinner, watch tv and go to sleep, wake up and drive to the stadium an hour from our house, and is normally there until about 9 cleaning up. This leaves me with his son all day long. His son can’t make basic foods and just hogs the living room tv all day long on my one day of the week off to relax (I’m a lawyer and often work weekends.) He doesn’t leave his son easy to prepare microwave foods so I end up cooking all meals and buying all groceries and cooking basically all day. To be clear, it’s not his son’s fault at ALL. I can’t imagine having my child 3 days a month and skipping the only full day to make “fun money” and I have expressed this. It’s not like I have to babysit, but it’s completely unfair to me and his son. I know his son feels just as sad and enforceable as I do. Any words of advice?

Background is important.
Ex made friends with a new hire who was very young and introduced us as she used to work in daycares and missed it and volunteered to babysit occasionally. Then Covid hit and he fooled me, he was struggling and said he thought we needed help with our infant and toddler and said the girl who babysat would be willing to come over a couple nights a week to be extra hands. After a few times I realized this was his way of keeping his affair during the lockdown. I ended that arrangement and that resulted in my ex leaving our marriage for her.

In that time I was also deeply uncomfortable with the many times she said versions of wanting my kids to be hers.

Fast forward within a day of him going to stay with his brother to “think about things” my babies were at her house every visit he had. When we finally got to court it was written in that no romantic partners could be introduced, he completely ignored that order and the kids were with her more than him.

Within one year she attempted to get a restraining order against me claiming I tried to kill her multiple times, (I never did, the worst I did was call her a home wrecker), thankfully the judge saw through this attempt to get me to lose custody and denied it. Called animal control over 20 times about my pets being poorly cared for including my “turtle”, I never owned a turtle but the kids were very excited to tell their dad about the Turtle sandbox. Then filed five cps reports against me and one literally came back with a typo on the form, and my ex took that to court and got majority physical custody. It took me two years to get in front of a judge with the complete records and show that the short form document the court gets had the wrong box marked and looking at the following page with the written disposition stated unfounded and the rationale supported that. In those two years they moved my kids school, daycare, extra curriculars and medical providers and never told me about any of them and listed her as the mom with all of her contact info.

At one point I was at a children’s event and she showed up. My child (3 at the time) started yelling mommy and she stepped in telling me that was directed at her and corrected it to the child. Another time reported to my employer I had a restraining order that my job duties caused a violation of in an attempt to get me fired. I had to prove that was not true.

At the hearing the judge stated that she should have never been introduced in the first place, and the order that was ignored was clear but now that they are married a no contact isn’t feasible. But in the orders said her behavior is problematic and boundaries need to be established.

In the two years since the ruling, nothing has improved. I have to request registration documents for everything my ex touches and I’m never listed as the othe parent, in every message he cites her as an equal parent and I need to get over myself. I am starting to gather evidence due to her involvement my children aren’t allowed to contact me from that home and are banned from activities I might attend. Last week at an event I over heard someone talking about my child’s mom and I said “hi, that’s me” she interrupted “I told them stepmom” and I laughed and tried to introduce myself and said something along the lines of my babies. And she snapped “they are ours” I said “the children I birthed” she stormed off in the middle of the event taking the children.

I don’t know what to do the court has already seen her behavior and called it problematic and ordered reasonable boundaries, to me none are being followed.

I am at a complete loss and I know the adages “the kids know you’re their mom” and “you can only control your time” but I am struggling in this dynamic.

Advice?

Not technically blended yet, but seriously dating and talking marriage with someone who has a daughter (9). I have two kids also, girls, 12 and 8.

His birthday was this last weekend. I decided I wanted to get him an experience gift, so I chose a comedy show in a nearby city. I verified his availability by asking if he had anything for the next 3 weeks on Saturdays. (He rarely has his daughter on Saturdays, but always Fridays). He confirmed he was free so I purchased tickets to the show (premium seats) made dinner reservations, even found someone to watch my girls. I’ve been excited about this gift, my girls were excited for us too. I have my kids 100% of the time (their dad passed away) so it’s hard to get time alone together. On his birthday he opened the gift and seemed hesitant, and said won’t it be hard to get away on a Saturday? And I said well, I already checked with you and I found someone to watch the girls. He then lets me know that his ex wife just reminded him about an event on that exact day. This event is a polar express train ride. His ex-wife, who is remarried with a second child with her new husband, was getting tickets a few months ago and their daughter wanted dad to come along. I think it is great that my SO and his ex are cordial enough to do this sort of thing, but it also makes me uncomfortable. Like this is a family event that will be: his daughter, her mom, her stepdad, her brother, her stepdad’s parents, and then her dad, my SO.

This seems just kind of…odd to me.

And maybe as I’m typing this I’m the asshole, but I got really upset, because he wasn’t really willing to consider not attending the Polar Express event. He asked if we could just move it to Friday (which really doesn’t work well for either of us).

How would you feel in this situation? I mean, I sort of feel that since we are talking marriage, we should be planning those kind of events on our own for our kids, not just him attending events with their family.

Am I the asshole for being upset about this?

I am having a hard time selling my house I raised my children in. They are grown now but my husband and myself got married recently and we are remodeling his home and I’m selling mine. The kicker is, it’s his family home. I don’t really feel like it’s my home. His mom lives next door and she’s the one paying for the renovations and his grown son is moving into the shop that is being turned into an apartment. My husband doesn’t want the house honestly. His dad, his dad good friend and his late wife all passed in the house and honestly he’s only doing it because his mother is older and doesn’t have anyone else to help her. He keeps telling me it’s only temporary. I told him I still didn’t feel comfortable selling my home for something temporary because what if something happened to him before it did his mom, where would that leave me? Plus, his son is now moving into the shop/apartment on the same property which is going to make selling it harder when that time comes. We have yet to combine any financial responsibilities because we basically have to separate houses. He pays one mortgage and I pay another. He tells me to pick out what I want the house to look like then tells me if it fits the budget when I don’t even know what the budget is. It would be different if we were both selling our houses and buying one together but that’s not what is happening. I honestly was planning on selling when my children were grown and downsizing. Now I feel like I’m selling and lost. 😞

So SD13 was at her moms house throwing stuff in her room, trashing it, locked the door

Her mom’s husband (stepdad) took her door off the hinges and removed bc she was going crazy.

SD13 then called my husband (her dad) to come get her bc she was angry. He said no bc she isn’t in any danger and often acts erratic like this. She’s been kicked out of school, in ISS, and is currently in tenancy court for not attending school regularly. The truancy period is three years bc her mom let her skip school all the time and she’ll now go to jail it it keeps happening.

He usually doesn’t answer calls from

His ex bc she is super super high conflict. Drags us into these fights, then starts cussing my husband and threatening him.

It’s been peaceful for around 6-8 months… he stopped taking any and all

Phone calls and limited all communication via text.

If her husband took the door from the hinge bc her daughter is trashing her room

Smashing stuff etc

Why would the mom let her call her dad demanding he comes? Is she wanting him to confront her husband? Demand he puts the door back?

I can’t think any reason I’d disrespect my husband

Unless I didn’t agree with him and let my kids try and drag my ex into a conflict like this.

Anyone have experience?

Please be kind. I posted in another sub and got a lot of hate.

TL;DR I want to pursue stepparent adoption for my husband to adopt my son. Biodad is on the birth certificate, but chooses drugs over son. Looking for advice/ stories both successful and unsuccessful. Don't need to be told I'm a terrible person.

Long version:

Son is 8. I broke up with his dad when he was under 1 year because I found out dad was using (DOC is meth) since that time he's been in and out of sons life. Mostly out, and times he's been in it's been me or a romantic partner of his really facilitating the relationship.

He's out again, and I'm done. And honestly, son is done. He doesn't say much about his dad aside from calling him stupid, or asking why he makes the choices he makes. Court order doesn't require any visits unless he's gone to rehab, which he refuses to do. I was showing some visits when i believedhim to be sober (coming to games, seeing each other at grandparents house) but I've reverted to the court order because I suspect a relapse. He's allowed to call, but at this point hadn't called since July 5th.

Enter my husband. Son calls him daddy (sons choice.) He's shown us both what it is to have a dad around. He's there for everything; soccer games, homework, tucking son into bed at night, managing meltdowns, and cooking breakfast together on the weekends. I joke that he's the favorite parent. Not only do i not foresee a divorce, but even if we did, I would not keep son from him. (He wouldn't keep his child from me either. We're both full time parents and would want to split custody with each other. His kids mom isn't somebody we would remove rights from, she just lives out of the country and isn't as stable. She gets stepkid for summer break when she can afford the plane ticket.)

So this all leads me to wanting to pursue termination of parental rights and stepparent adoption if sons dad doesn't get sober and take the court ordered steps to regain visitation between now and probably next summer. My close friends and family all support this, even the ones who are not afraid to tell me if I'm being stupid or mean.

Any advice? Any stories of this going well or badly?

Looking for some support. Dad here, have 2 kids under 10. The kids’ mom and I have had a troubled relationship full of ups and downs even after we separated. No official court order or even a formal parenting plan, but we are now doing week on week off (7-7 I think they call it). Both our families live out of state so we are kind of on our own. We were also sharing a dog and cat going back and forth between houses but stopped doing that recently, now the animals stay with me full time, because she didn’t want them anymore.

I don’t have a good history with boundaries. I haven’t always been honest. I carry some guilt for how I treated her in the past. She is also fairly emotionally unstable and has caused me a lot of distress over 15 years. We both caused problems.

We’ve been separated for 2 years, the first year we played family for a while doing more stuff together with the kids but living separately, but now things are more separated. I am moving in with my new partner who was a friend for a long time prior, knows my kids well, and is amazing with them, they love her and are excited to live with her, and I feel blessed by all this. My ex is unsurprisingly not happy about any of it. My partner has always been friendly to her despite internally not liking her, and has never said any bad things about her around the kids, very respectful and educated about how to do all this stuff well. My partner and I are on a path to have a child together in the next year and make a life of our own. My ex doesn’t know that but honestly I have kept a lot hidden because I don’t want her to unleash on me and have it affect the kids.

Mom of the kids is asking to see my/our new house, wants freedom to come in and out, generally likes to talk to me about what’s going on in her life, wants to know about my life and relationship, calls and texts all the time. On its face not anything bad, but she has also been very manipulative and tried to sabotage my relationship. She also does not understand boundaries or respect them. She has thrown huge fits and threatened legal action when she doesn’t get what she wants. My partner is trying to be flexible but struggling, not okay with a lot of the communication and physicalities (ex always makes a point to hug me in front of her and our kids for example) and is asking me to set better emotional and physical boundaries with the mother of my kids. She doesn’t want any drama or hostility but is asking for clear, consistent boundaries, and says that will help our relationship grow, and it could enable friendship with my kids mom over time, which is what I want, for things to be easy. Partner doesn’t understand why this is so hard for me. I don’t know how to move forward I feel totally lost.

I really don’t understand boundaries honestly. I didn’t grow up with any of this and I don’t know how to set them. They feel mean to me like shutting someone out and it throws me into a dark fearful place.

Throwing this out there in case someone has experience and might be able to guide. Would appreciate help figuring out how to set boundaries with the mother of my kids in this context and still aim for having a respectful friendship, since I really don’t want drama and can’t bring it around the kids.

Thank you

Four kids, blended house, two phones, one kitchen counter and apparently no central nervous system.

Right now the things we need are in my notes app, a pad by the fruit bowl, three texts to myself, my husbands memory and one photo of a whiteboard. Saturday I went shopping with all of that information available and still forgot the one thing we actually needed. poster board. the stupid poster board.

The question is not really how to stay organized busy family style because I can make lists all day. I need everybody to be able to add to the same place without a training session.

What survived in your house longer than a month??

I would love to hear some experiences of how you have handled blended family finances. Please no hate, I really am just relatively new at this and not sure how to approach the situation so would love some insight.
Background: we are a relatively young family and have been together for two years and living together for 12 months. He has 3 children 4 6 8 and I have one 9. The house we moved in together was purchased by him, but we all moved in at the same time which was beneficial for the dynamics as it’s “our house” to the kids.

I’m at a point now where I would like to at least have a joint account for household expenses. Currently I transfer $xxx rent each week along with this I also do all household shopping which has gone from buying for two to buying for 5! Along with other things like picking up his dry cleaning which is expensive. I’m very lucky he does pay for holidays etc!! And he is very generous (this is not a criticism of him at all) I came into this relationship with basically nothing, but I do work full time and he has provided a beautiful home for my son and I to live in.

I’m just finding that I’m struggling each week to keep up with the bills and I still have my own bills and my sons to pay for. I also am not able to save anything, and it of course looms over my head if we seperate I have not been in a position to put any of my money away so I can at least get myself set up again. He earns an enormous amount of money and mine is pretty average but liveable for, I don’t want access to his hard earned cash or anything like that. Just want to know if I have a leg to stand on here or if I should just be grateful??

I should also mention I am very hands on with his kids, I help and support him with all the logistics whenever he has them so he can work

Sorry this is long :) anyone in a similar or has been I. A similar situation?

Hello, im just making this post for some advice from blended families who may be more established and have more experience than us. For some context, I have a soon to be 4 year old from a previous relationship. This relationship ended when my son was 18 months old due to his father being coercive and controlling towards myself. I wont go into detail however we parallel parent and my son spends around 8 nights a month with his father. This works fine and my son loves spending time with his dad.

Just over a year ago, I introduced my son to my current partner. Over the past year he has slowly became more and more apart of our family and moved into the home in the summer. My son absolutely adores him and they get on very well. He has also naturally taken a parental role in my sons life and all is going well. He loves him and sees him as our son and not just mine. The area I am asking for advice on is that, I am currently pregnant and due in the next couple of months. My son is very excited about this and looking forward to being a big brother. I however am incredibly worried about how this will go. All I want is for my son to continue to feel loved and like he belongs. I fear that he will unintentionally feel less a member of our home because he does spend time away at his dads. I also worry about labels, at present my son doesnt consistently call my partner dad. He may refer to him here and there as daddy (insert first name). However this isnt something we have placed upon him, as we feel it should be his own decision if he wishes to call him dad. However, im aware that once baby is here I will naturally be referring to my partner as dad in the household because of the new baby. How have others navigated this?

Im probably overthinking but im trying to understand a balance between all of this. Even the idea of days out. My partner and I agree that big days out and holidays should be left for both kids to experience. However, what categorises as a big day out? I worry that I willl forever feel mum guilt going forward if we do anything fun or exciting and my son isnt there. However I also acknowledge that new baby also deserves to experience life without it being dependent on whether big brother is home or not. Such as christmas, last Christmas my son was at his dads so we just did the celebration on a different day. We obviously cant do that going forward, so do families do two celebrations?

Please be kind, any advice and guidance will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Struggling to co parent with my ex

I have been separated with my ex husband for the last 4 years , he struggles with his mental health and he has made some very bad decisions prior to the end of our marriage and since then . My ex is a present dad but does not pay child support and is financially unreliable despite being considerably well off when we separated. I have always tried to be kind supportive and understanding of my exs struggles but will call him on the nonsense when needed . He has had a girlfriend for a number of years but has cheated her more times than I can count on one hand I always here the stories but I mind my own business (rightly or wrongly) I need to maintain a relationship with him for our children's sake . Recently she has found out he cheated and called me , I didnt volunteer any extra information as I didnt feel it would be a benefit to anyone involved. I was honest to the best of my ability but firmly told her I wasnt getting involved. They have split up and all the children involved were informed , our youngest was very upset . He would like to put things right but she has said flatly its not happening . She did say she would like to see my children . I am not a fan of this idea, I think it would be very confusing for my smallest child, I have communicated this to my ex . I asked him if he was considering letting his ex girlfriend around our children with her children that I wanted a discussion on it first he agreed. Fast forward to this weekend , another of our children was competing at a sporting event 1 hour away from home , I said I would take our youngest child , he declined my offer stating he was bringing our child to the event with him . The event happened and I ended up stepping in to facilitate getting my child to the competition, with my ex to travel to meet us there. He did not bring my youngest child with him , he gave the child to his ex partner to mind claiming she came to visit all the children for the weekend . Im very upset and angry I feel he was completely disrespectful to my feelings on the matter and has put our children in an uncomfortable situation and this has been communicated to me by 2 of our children they are not happy about the situation . I have had a very heated conversation with my ex is regards this (out of ear shot of children ) and just about stopped short from going and taking my children back from the ex-girlfriend. We are legally still married and I have the children the majority of the time, and I am the financially responsible one for the children also despite him owning his own house without any debt . Im unsure what im looking for in posting this , I dont know how to continue co parenting with someone who continues to make awful decisions and has such poor communication. How would you proceed from here i have reached out to my solicitor as I intend to get my divorce underway I had been giving him some breathing g space to sort his issues out but honestly I sick of considering his feelings when he doesn't consider mine .

I'm a mom in my late 30s with a toddler, going through a divorce, and wondering whether other parents who've had difficult marriages still dream about finding love and building a family again, and how they make it work if they do. I'm finding myself feeling oddly happy/optimistic after my marriage ended, probably because the divorce/custody picture is coming out more clearly well for me (clean break financially; sole custody of my wonderful toddler; realizing the marriage was really over years ago and I was just doing my best to cope), and I'd like to build another family some day - but I'd love some perspective about how to go about it, and any challenges ahead.

For context: I grew up in an international family, with lots of travel and wonderful lifelong friendships scattered around the world. I'm incredibly grateful for all of it, but I've always dreamed of putting down roots somewhere and building a big, warm, happy family and close-knit community. Kids running around together, friends dropping by, family dinners, weekend adventures, and two people who genuinely love sharing the ordinary parts of raising children. What's especially heartbreaking is that I feel like I've finally gotten almost everything else in my life where I want it. I have a career I love, financial independence, flexibility to spend time with my child, and I'm healthier and fitter than I've ever been, and generally feel so excited about life. And my toddler is such a wonderful and joyful little person. And somehow, just as everything else was coming together, the bottom was falling out of my marriage -- there have been broken promises, financial betrayals, and years of feeling increasingly alone. In short, I thought I was building a family with someone who wanted the same things I did, and it's painful to realize how different the reality has been.

I love the thought of two people finding each other and eventually creating a loving blended family, where the children feel equally cherished and everyone is genuinely happy to be there. But, I'm also scared. It's hard enough to trust someone again after betrayal, and so much harder when there's a little person whose happiness and safety matter more than anything. I don't want to give up on the dream, but I also can't imagine taking that kind of risk lightly.

For those of you who have been through something similar, how/when did you meet the person you decided to blend families with? What were the biggest challenges and roadblocks? Any surprise aspects to consider? I'd really love to hear your experiences. Part of me worries I'm being naive, but another part still hopes that the happiest chapter of family life might be ahead.

Did anyone marry their SO who had older teenage kids and go on to have a kid of your own? What were some of the biggest challenges you faced?

I 40f finally got mad yesterday, my son is not well and my step son was staying with us. I said I may have to take my son to the walk in for an out of hours appointment as I suspected glandular fever. He asked if it was contagious I answered yes (admittedly in an ar@&y tone) he said so he can’t go home pointing at stepson. I said I don’t know (again with a tone) he said he was only asking and I said loudly it’s not about him - pointing at stepson - it’s about him - pointing to sons room. To which he replied f you. Now he is saying that he is going away to his mums van for a few days to have space. He didn’t like my anger. I have told him that I felt hurt because the focus should have been poorly son. Now I’m very upset and scared because he wants space but at the same time I feel totally let down that he is choosing to clear off whilst my son is poorly. (He has got glandular fever and also hand foot and mouth at the same time bless him) how do I react appropriately please

I am in love with someone who had a kid with his ex wife but she left when the kid was just 6 months old, so he never really got involved with the kid. I am not able to accept that he already created a family with someone, I feel like I will always be second in his life.
I really love him but I am unable to accept his reality
I don’t know what to do

I’ve been in a relationship with this person for about 6 years. We don’t live together. We will spend the night with each other multiple times. We both have kids. I have one and he has 2. In the beginning he didn’t have his kids full time. Mind you my kid and his 2 kids are ages 8-9. Throughout the relationship he has gained full custody of both. I have no issues with that nor have I made any problems. Both the mothers of both kids are no longer in their lives at all (due to their own choices) I have stepped up and played that role for both kids. I have welcomed them in my home with open arms and an open heart. Now, it has been NUMEROUS times where these kids have broken my things, lied, been extremely disrespectful and I’m honestly just sick of it!!! I love this man but how can I really if I’m feeling like these kids can’t be around my kid anymore nor do I want my things in my home continuously being broken. Am I wrong? And if not, how do I go about this situation?? I’m so lost 😞

Female: 45, 4 kids (ages 23, 20, 8, NB)

Male: 39, 3 Kids (15, 6, NB)

They are expecting the newborn together. Immediately after finding out of pregnancy, they skipped engagement, and had a wedding.

The male spent 8 years with an ex who was diagnosed with cancer he developed a hate for her for some reason and told her to hurry up and die. They share a child who he snuck in the wedding and hid the entire wedding from her.

He met this woman at work and they have attempted dating several times.

I just don't understand how he could have such a blessing and hurt his ex like that, the mother of his child.

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years. When we met, he had a terrible relationship with his ex-wife. He shares 2 children with her. She has recently gotten remarried and had another child. My boyfriend, his children, his ex-wife, and her new family have been having dinner together after ball practices at least once a week. His reasoning is that it gives him more time with the kids. I think this is unusual and it makes me uncomfortable. For context, I have found him snap-chatting her in the past that was not directly tied to his children. It took about 10 fights with him about that for him to stop. His reasoning for the Snapchatting was that if he stopped replying to her that she would stop sending him pictures of his kids. He shares 50/50 custody of his kids on a 2x2x3 schedule. His kids are 9 and 12. Am I being unreasonable? I also am divorced with one child. I have a good coparenting relationship with my ex, but we do not share meals together. Our communication is strictly about our child.

At thanksgiving (Canada! ) my SIL brought up the possibility of changing the date of their Christmas celebration as she wanted to start thinking about creating her own family tradition, or to just reduce some of the chaos that ensues on the 25th of December. That’s right. For the last 6 years, we have reserved Christmas afternoon for my husbands family. We jumped on board as this has been something DH and I have been discussing in the past. And we intended to also bring it up.

In the beginning the schedule with SS had a lot of kinks and sometimes drama, but we’re at a point where we have a system we know the schedule and we work around it. We have him half the day and it flips every other year (first half/second half of you follow)
So that’s meant that two years ago when SS was 5 he did not get to attend his own father’s family Christmas.
Now that he’s 7, he’s starting to realize and ask questions like “how come I wasn’t there” or “why did you celebrate without me”
This usually revolves around my family, and for the most part we can explain that. But it’s so disheartening that starting this year he’s gonna start realizing that his family isn’t bothering to adjust in order to include him. All in the name of tradition. It’s not that they CANT make another day work, it’s that they WONT.

On top of all this MY family has adjusted GREATLY from their original Christmas Day tradition, essentially since I came into my husbands family. And they have not once hesitated to accommodate SS and his schedule.

All we’ve asked is that we celebrate on the 27th instead. They’ve made it clear that they will never be changing the date of the celebration and if he cant make it that’s just “the reality of a blended family”

I’m absolutely livid and I’m having a really hard time understanding and I’m usually a pretty understanding person. Am I out of line here? Is this normal?

Second edit:

I really appreciate the perspective I was given on this matter. It’s calmed me down (and humbled me a little) to understand how other families experience situations like these.

I will discuss again with my husband, but we will recind our offer to host dinner for their celebration that is happening on the 25th. We will offer a brunch on the 27th so SS can see their cousins, granddad, and aunts and uncles if they are available.

I don’t know if we will go on the 25th or we will stay home to start our own traditions, it’s DHs family so that’s his decision (we’ve already arranged my families Christmas for new years instead)

Will update maybe- I’m a busy mom who’s not freaking out anymore 😂

I started a relationship with a guy I use to go to school with we hit off after the first day I actually was in love with this man I love this man more then who I was married to and had kids with. So we dated for 8 months everything was great his kids like me all of our kids hung out things were great we decided to move in together we talked it over with all the kids everyone was ready for it so it was a go. After moving in the mother of his kids decided she didn’t like it so she was able to talk to his sons and get them to not like me and tell their dad they didn’t want me there. At this point I gave up my house transferred my kids school lost more than half of my belongings. My kids had chores around the house, my oldest who was 15 at the time did the snow removal helped with wood for the stove. I cleaned the how plus provided money for the house hole bills anything I bought my kids I bought his kids. About after a month of living there his oldest son would say horrible things about me and started to really act out his son was mad because I had a problem with him smoking and weed in the house and growing it in his room at 17 his kids wasn’t my place. I was asked to move out because his boys didn’t want us there and the mother of his kids was talking horrible about me. I never mistreated his kids or him I did every little thing I could. So I quickly move out and we stop talking after 2 years we started to text again he told me how he still had the same feelings for me and he’s always been the love of my life honestly. He asked if we could be back together after talking for a while I agreed he saw me a hand full of times then told his kids and the mother of his kids we were back together he said he was going to make changes and what happened before would never happen again. I now haven’t seen him in weeks no big deal we both have work and kids but he’s told 5 times he was coming to see me then had an excuse why he couldn’t. Last night I was at my parents house he said he wanted to stop and see me for a minute it was fine I was excited to see him he texted me back he couldn’t see me there was an issue. The issue was his 10 year old son told him he can’t be around me now I haven’t spoken to this child since we broke up and even when on video chat he would walk away if his dad pointed the phone his way. Am I crazy for loving this man I did tell him I couldn’t take the excuses anymore and that his kids hate me for no reason I could understand this if I had given everyone a legitimate reason but there’s nothing.

I always wonder if maybe I’m seeing a situation wrong I enjoy seeing other people views

Please know my kids are teenagers and were not involved in the getting back together part. I am always a mother first and it was a shame on me for them being involved the first go around. The man I dated always treated the kids great alone with me just the situational things were not good.

For the first six months of our week-on/week-off schedule, Friday switch days were chaos. Three kids, two houses, and somehow everyone would be standing in our kitchen at 5:45 with the wrong backpack, the wrong cleats, or no cleats at all because they left them at dad's. My stepdaughter once packed her winter coat in July because she just grabbed whatever was closest without checking.

The thing that actually fixed it wasn't a family meeting or a chore chart on paper. It was making the information impossible to ignore.

We put a screen on the kitchen wall, this Apolosign thing my husband found. I was skeptical because we've tried whiteboards, shared Google Calendars the kids never opened, and those paper chore wheels that got ignored after a week. But this stays on, always visible, and we built a routine around it without really trying.

The key pieces for us:

A sticky note countdown that hits zero at 6pm Friday. The kids see "switch day: 2 days" ticking down and start mentally preparing. No one asks me anymore. They just look up while they're eating cereal.

Calendar filtering for off-weeks. When the kids are at their mom's, I filter them off the main view. Their events don't disappear, but our kitchen wall only shows who's actually sleeping here tonight. Sounds small, but it changed the emotional tone of the house. We're not staring at empty slots.

Rotating chores with actual checkmarks. The kids rotate through kitchen, trash, and the dreaded bathroom. When they mark done, it shows a check. My stepson will do almost anything for that visual confirmation. The points system helped at first but honestly the checkmark alone is enough for two of them.

To-dos split by category. Groceries, kitchen stuff, household, kids-school. My husband adds to groceries from his phone, I see it on the wall, whoever's driving home from practice stops at the store. No more "I thought YOU were getting milk" at 10pm.

It's not magic. The kids still grumble about chores. But the Friday panic is gone, and I stopped being the switch-day reminder alarm. That alone was worth it.

Hey guys . My fiance went to see his son today , usually he takes him somewhere outside but due to him always crying lately , he told me he needs to be at bm house . We were on ft the whole time while we got there and usually when he picks the kid up , he calls me . He told me that his bm was not home and that he is going to stay with his son inside the house for a bit . Once he got into that house , he stopped answering calls/ texts , anything. He been there for more than he initially told me , saying that “only the grandma is here” . I asked him to ft me because everything seemed so sus , but he is just bot answering any of my calls/texts . Is he genuinely crossing boundaries right now ?

I (35f) have one son who is 8. My partner (40M) has 3 children varying from 10 to 14. We have been together for 7 years and living together for 6. We have his kids 50% of the time and mine 100%.

Blending the family was challenging at first. We moved in fairly quickly because of Covid and there was a bit of a shock to his youngest because all of a sudden he wasn’t the only boy or the youngest and now he had to share his room with my son. So there were conflicts. We separated their rooms a few years ago and that helped.

His children are very well behaved and mild. People often joke about them being robots because of how great they are. They do well in school, complete tasks without complaints and are well behaved. My son is the opposite.
He has been diagnosed with ADHD and we believe there might be an oppositional defiance disorder. It is exhausting. The dynamic around the house has shifted a lot and I know it’s because everyone is exhausted with my son’s behaviour. He seems to enjoy stirring the pot. Step siblings could be minding their business playing a game or reading and he will go disturb them. He is in multiple activities and is encouraged to play outside often. Screen time is limited and I have been firm about no YouTube from the beginning.
He was struggling in school a lot until we got this adhd diagnosis and he started medication. Within a month his reading level improved by 10 levels because he was able to focus. (I want to add that I was hesitant about the diagnosis. I feel like everyone and their dog is getting diagnosed with ADHD lately. But I was watching him struggle in school and with emotions and I wanted to help him so I thought we would try the lowest possible dosage.)

I do my best to stay consistent with rules and expectations and constantly try to help regulate him. Lately though it is getting really really hard. He will look you dead in the eyes and say no. He won’t move when you tell him to do something. I have to physically move his body to get him to his room or out of the car.
My partner wants nothing to do with him right now, and I don’t blame him. I’m feeling extremely guilty that I can see the happiness of the family disappear because of the constant conflict. My son lies constantly. Tells us he completed a chore but didn’t. Will throw food or trash on the floor because he “just didn’t want to walk to the garbage” all day every day. I can’t explain the amount of guilt I have. My partner seems miserable. He avoids main areas of the house if my son is there, and he is disappearing into video games to disassociate. My step kids are all in their rooms most of the day to avoid my son. I’m sure he is feeling this animosity towards him and it makes him feel bad, which I’m sure creates this weird cycle.
I love my partner and step kids, but feel like I need to remove my son and I so they can be happy. I feel like my son needs a different environment because something is clearly not working. His bio-Dad wasn’t in his life at all since my son was 6 months until about 3. Then it was video calls or gaming together, which turned into two visits a year. That is all his Dad wanted. I have always encourage a relationship and helped them talk with each other. My son has commented on wanting to see his bio Dad more often, but quickly forgets and moves on. His stepdad has been a constant father figure for majority of his life.
In the parenting books and threads that I read, I always see that it’s all because of the parents, but I truly don’t know what to do. I’ve done counselling for myself and with him, but it doesn’t seem to improve. I’m tired of every interaction becoming a battle. Every one on one outing I do with him turns into a meltdown at the end. I’m not enjoying parenting like I hoped. I tried for years to get pregnant. I’m feeling like a failure and so defeated. I know this my high emotions right now, but I’m thinking I’m just a bad Mom and maybe I should let him live with my parents. That I need to leave this home to let my partner and his kids have their home back so they can engage as a family.

If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. Please be gentle because I’m trying my hardest. I know I make mistakes, but I truly want to be better.

Does anyone else have a similar situation? How have you handled a child with ODD?