r/SingleDads • u/EstateDense5880 • 3d ago
Figuring out life as a ‘single’ dad
Where to start… I met an energetic outgoing fun woman who was 20 years younger. We started as friends and I assumed that was all it would be until we slept together out of the blue one day. We struggled to find a rhythm and eventually made it work. It was amazing! We made the decision to not have any kids. Covid hit and we were both laid off at home… a lot! She was on Birth control and refused to let me wear protection due to the fact she loved the feeling. Needless to say…
She was late the first month and she blew it off saying it was normal… the 2nd came and she refused to take a test…the third month came and she reluctantly decided to take a test. Positive! Went to the Doctor and they confirmed 18 weeks along! We were past the point of making a decision. I was upset, lost my cool but quickly apologized. Said we would be together. We were good, had our daughter. She was a work from home mom. Spent all of her time at home. My job changed and she went back to work. Shortly after she was going out with her friends every week. I was rushing home from work to pick up our daughter. I lost my job and we had a come to Jesus in which she admitted to an affair on the girls night out. But I never got a straight story. We moved so we could start fresh. She took a job away from her old one as the guy she had ‘interest in’ worked with her. I eventually got a job after almost 6 months with a new company shortly afterwards and she decided she didn’t like her new job and wanted to go back. She stayed with a good friend, but then she got weird. Distant. She stopped making the effort to come home. Still came back but made it so she came home one day and left the next. Our daughter started to struggle emotionally.
I started to also, become a single parent almost overnight. I have been here before raising a kiddo was not the struggle but the issue was her lack of interest. It eventually came out she was not staying at her friends house but had got an apartment above her work (included in her ‘pay’ but she stopped paying bills at home. Long story short I have never been invited to this apartment. Have never seen it and it seems like a huge secret. I didn’t really care pretty much assuming the worst but being called horrible things for ever mentioning it. Or trying to talk about it. I’m pretty sure she is with someone else but refuses to ‘leave me’. I’m done! We don’t really ever have sex. She is always in a rush to get back. She says she is looking for job closer to home but in 2 years has found ‘nothing’! I pay 85% of the bills and she has a hard time covering her 15%. I am here for our daughter 24/7, trying to take a night off ends with me being given shit that I don’t want to spend time with her. Not to mention every time there is an emergency and she needs money she asks
Me.
So I am left feeling like shit. And trying to explain to my daughter why I’m the practical parent instead of the Disney land parent without being negative I work from home but have to travel 2 days a week which I never have any coverage for.
Am I at the point where it’s time to part ways?!?I think the answer is clear but pulling my daughter away from her mom is killing me.
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u/DontKickTheBaby101 3d ago
I've been a single dad of three kids for going on 17 years. Their mom walked out after an affair. It took a good 5 years before the people in my area and circles actually realized that it was her and not me. Of course she talked a ton of shit on her way out the door.. it was a long time ago but it takes a while. Don't expect immediate positive results overnight but keep your head at it. Your kids the most important thing in your life. Never forget that.
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u/mrnosyparker 2d ago
Please tell me you have a custody order in place.
If not, you need to get one filed ASAP. I’m assuming you have legal paternity established, but either way, it’s not supposed to be this way, it the reality is that in the absence of a custody order MANY providers, law enforcement, and other bureaucrats view the mother as the de facto custodian. You could show up to pick your daughter up from daycare or school one day and have her just be gone and have very little legal recourse if it turns out that Mom suddenly got it in her head that she was going to take your daughter and raise her herself.
Even if something that dramatic doesn’t happen, if Mom does suddenly have a change of heart, it could be all to easy for you to be faced with a long expensive legal battle just to get 50/50.
All that aside, there should be a custody order that protects you and your daughter and entitles you to child support even if you don’t plan on pursuing it. In fact, that might be a good way to compel Mom to sign the custody order without a fight - “sign this and I won’t pursue child support”.
In any case, if you don’t have a custody order in place you should start talking to some local family law attorneys asap.
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u/streetsmartwallaby 2d ago
Yes - time to part ways.
Get a lawyer and a custody order to make it official. She should be paying child support.
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u/MtFranklinson 2d ago
Sounds like you’re getting used mate, also not sure what you expected when she’s 20 years younger than you
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u/144-perdedor 3d ago
I'm in a similar situation. Have fun explaining to people over and over how you came to be in these circumstances. Everyone assumes you're the bad guy regardless, or a fool at the very least.