TW: childhood sexual abuse, suicide

When I was very young (a toddler), I was SA'd and shown p**n by my teacher and my father's friend. The teacher SA'd me for weeks to months. Since I didn't get my period until I was 12, I obviously didn't get pregnant, but I had to get medical help, and even the doctor's team got mad at my parents. I'm physically fully healed now and nothing is wrong with me, but it still disgusts me.

After that, I was harassed throughout my teen years. My cousins also harassed me sexually growing up. No matter how much I told my mother, she never took me seriously enough to help. Instead of punishing the people who did this to me, my parents told me to be patient, never talk about it, stay quiet and move on. But how does a girl move on when both her parents knew the men who did this and let it happen? My parents know who they are, and they won't do anything, to protect my "dignity."

But I want justice. I don't want my story to be public with my name on it, but I want those men to get what they deserve. To ease my pain, I maladaptive daydream about killing them in different ways and castrating them. I keep imagining all the violent ways I could make them feel the pain. I know this is bad, I probably wouldn't have the guts to do it in real life, and I wouldn't do it even if I got the chance.

My parents wear niqab and are very "religious." I've worn hijab and big black clothes since I was a kid. I was never allowed to smile, laugh, cry or show any emotion. I was selectively mute and was taught to smile and pretend to be fine through everything. I was taught I should always forgive. Never talk. Never say anything. That others have it worse. That women should obey men. I was basically a slave for my parents. I raised my siblings and was always the "third adult." I've long accepted that I never had a childhood.

There was a point in my life where I didn't talk to anyone, and a point where I hated my father and brothers. Until I was 12, I even hit my brother whenever he made any small mistake, because I hated that he was a boy and was sad that he might become like them.

I've had therapy and was even admitted to a psych ward for repeated suicide attempts because I felt so disgusting. To cover everything up, my parents told everyone I was just physically "sick." But I've never been diagnosed with anything except depression and PTSD. My family doesn't believe in mental health.
My younger siblings don't respect me because I'm "sick" all the time.

Everyone thinks I have physical health issues, but the reality is so far from that. I went to a therapist, but it didn't help. They only tried to pry for more information without giving me any insight. I don't have suicidal ideation anymore, and I want to live. I'm an adult now, but unlike others who went through worse (I've read so many people's stories), I can't seem to get over it.

I keep having nightmares (PTSD) of the things those men did to me. All I do is cry and stay in bed all day and night. I've been losing my appetite and my desire to keep living. I don't know how to live with myself anymore. I feel so disgusting. I know it's not my fault, since I was only a toddler when it started, but I don't know what to do anymore. Why were men able to use me when I was only 3? I was a kid. Why is that justified?

It's like all men think they can use me. I dislike men so much, and I dislike women just as much. I dislike everything and everyone. I don't have any close friends, and at uni I don't talk to guys unless it's for work. When I do, I pretend I don't get their flirting or just distance myself. I've started isolating myself. I'm not on any social media because I don't want any connections. I have no one to talk to about this, because everyone around me sees a different side of me. My parents made sure I'd never be able to talk about these things in real life.

I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I feel like I don't deserve love from anyone. I don't want to get married because I can't give love to someone when I can't love myself, so I've turned down proposals, which my parents dislike me for.

On the outside I seem so put together: nice parents, good living situation, good uni, good company. But it's far from the truth. To be honest, I do look like I'm doing well in life, and in a way I am. I feel so sad and bad that I'm not using my wealth and blessings well.

No one knows what a bad mental state I'm in. I'm always faking that I'm fine, but I'm not. I feel so disgusting and fake. It's a very lonely, miserable life inside my head, despite everything looking so nice. I'm probably going to fail my uni exams and disappoint my parents and myself, because I have no energy left. I have no motivation because I feel like a slave and I feel stuck. I don't know how to move on, and I feel like I'm ruining my life. I'm so sick of life.

Now my parents act good. They’ve stopped physically hitting me. I say "act" because even when they give me all the money to study abroad, I'm not able to feel it anymore. Maybe they do care, but it all feels like an act. I've forgiven them, and I always speak well of my parents to others and even to them.

But secretly it hurts so much that I cry in my room every night. I have hidden resentment toward them despite everything. I feel guilty that I can't truly forgive them, because I guess they're trying to do better now, kind of, by giving money.

I dislike that I still love them and that I'm scared to hurt their feelings. I dislike that loving them feels like hurting myself. It's killing me inside. I feel like I'm betraying myself every time I'm with them. I don't want to argue with them. I feel like I'm not allowed to feel this pain. I dislike myself for feeling these things. I feel selfish and disgusted with myself.
I feel so weak and powerless, but I want to move out and live alone. I don't have a job, so I can't. I'll have to live with them for at least another 10 years until I graduate.

I want to care for my parents when they're older. I see a future where I die alone. I want to die alone, or live alone, or just die. The pain is killing me inside.

I'm still Muslim and I love Allah. He's the only one I feel I can talk to. I feel like the only reason I'm alive is because of Allah. I'm getting hopeless, so I've been praying and crying to Allah. I've prayed a lot for months, and nothing's getting better. Now I don't know what to feel or how to navigate this. I'm so lost. Sometimes I blame those men, then my parents, and mostly myself. I wish I'd died as a kid.
I don't know what to do. I need advice.

In Islam, how does one deal with this?

1. What's the correct way to handle these feelings?

2. Why can't I forgive my parents?

3. Do I dislike them? I don't know what's right or wrong anymore.

4. Is it okay to dislike my parents and distance myself from them, even while using all their resources?

5. Has anyone gone through something similar, where your parents were very abusive but you still love them?

6. How do I move on? How do I live a life that's truly normal, not just on paper?

This is just one major thing I've realised is ruining my life. Of course, there's more to where the PTSD comes from.

TL;DR: I was sexually abused since a toddler. My parents knew the abusers but covered it up and told me to stay silent. I'm an adult now with PTSD and depression. I look fine on the outside but I'm falling apart inside, and I'm struggling with loving my parents while resenting them. Due to this, I’m also neglecting myself, my studies and life. Looking for advice, especially from an Islamic perspective.

am i allowed to take my own life if i feel overwhelmed and also feel like impending doom ahead is unavoidable… i have done some stupid things i shouldn’t have and now i fear… i am so scared i pray Allah helps me out of this

Assalamualaikum my brothers and sister i am 22 currently in uni i use to pray 5 times in mosque except for fajar now i don't know i drifting my self away form Allah idk I am into soo many bad stuff right now how do I get out of it pls help ur brother

assalamu alaykum

i don’t even know how to word this but i wanted to get it off of my chest

i (f) have such a strange relationship with myself. i hate myself, and i have no self love. my mind cannot comprehend that i should love myself. the best i could describe is indifference and disgust. i can’t even remember the last time i felt proud of myself.

i just wish i was a little smarter and more capable. i genuinely feel so stupid. not to mention that nobody takes me seriously because my voice sounds like a child. wallahi i hate my voice. people have made fun of me for it and it makes me hate speaking. not only that, i feel like i might not be normal. like psychologically. i struggle with social interactions and i feel like i am the dumbest in the room.

if anyone knows any books to be a more mature person, i will appreciate it.

Assalamualaikum everyone. My stepfather’s grandmother recently passed away. I kindly ask you to make du’a for her.

May Allah forgive her sins, shower her with His immense mercy, illuminate and expand her grave, protect her from the punishment of the grave and the Hellfire, accept her good deeds, and grant her Jannatul Firdaus. May Allah also grant my stepfather and his family patience, strength, comfort, and peace during this difficult time.

Jazakum Allahu Khayran for keeping her in your prayers. Ameen.

Hello, Assalamu Alaikum, everyone. I know this isn’t a usual post, but as a Muslim, I dearly need my Muslim sisters’ duas. Kindly keep me in your duas.
I’m reaching out with a heavy heart and a lot of hope. I’m going through marital hardship. Kindly pray for my husband and me. I’m asking all of you to kindly pray to Allah — the Most Loving (Ya Wadood), the Turner of Hearts (Ya Muqallib al-Quloob), the Most Merciful (Ya Raheem), the Most Gentle (Ya Lateef), the Answerer of Prayers (Ya Mujib) — to soften my husband’s and in-laws heart for me, fill their heart with sincere love for me, return them to me, and bring us together in peace, kindness, and goodness. Kindly Pray that we may reconcile and reunite with afiyah. May Allah forgive both of us, especially me. May Allah protect our marriage from talaq.
I know the dua of a stranger carries great power, so I humbly ask: if you have a moment, please make a short, sincere dua for me, my husband, and our marriage. May Allah, the Most Generous (Ya Kareem), grant you even more than you ask for me, and bless you with peace, happiness, and all that is good.

I don’t know what to do.I have lived in exhaustion my whole life in an unhealthy home battling many different struggle. I just lost my long term fiance and my friends. When Allah gave me my fiance I thought I finally found peace. I thought I found someone healthy and good to build with. Then it was stolen from me. Everyone turned against me overnight when all I wanted to do was try my best and to love others. I’m a social worker getting my masters and I currently work with Muslims who have special needs and sometimes I don’t wanna end my life because I feel like my students would maybe miss me. but I just feel like people hate me now. like i lost my support and my family environment is a bit abusive. Allah is most merciful but what could the point of my test be? When will I have my own home that is loving and peaceful and when can I feel calm. I lost my partner and my close friends have ghosted me with no explanation. Am I that bad of a person to be around? I just. I don’t know anymore. I wish I could just feel calm for once in my life.

My issue
The issue I am facing is fatigue, tiredness, flussed out, no will to do anything, ready to give up & many more. Most would solve this by taking weight off, which is the right solution, but what if there is no weight that can be taken off.
Steering
The actual solution is one & it's known; Allah. but there should be no, adhering to the religion is also one of my issue, -if saying that is correct - I can't seem to catch on to the rope of Allah, I fall for days, catch it and rouse just to fall again and again. At, many points of trying to or climbing the rope, I feel lost, that no matter what I do, I am not worthy, that I can't be someone that is attached to the ROPE. I am wrong in that. Sometimes I think maybe falling and getting up to climb itself is catching on to the rope, then I look at my falls and how deep they go and look at my climb and how little it is & I despair that I am just coping. From a small age have wanted Allah but I have not warded it really really, if I had actually wanted that hard maybe I would have been on the right path.
I also feel that I have been misunderstood from a very young age, I crave attention, appreciation & love and I feel that is missing in my life, even though my parents give me these in their old school way, its not enough. I don't want to be ungrateful to them, but it hurts when they compar me to others, it hurts when they don't see the struggle I am facing. It hurts when I sometimes try my best, even though my best isn't as good as the best they are hoping to see and they scold me. I look around myself to see people who have adhered to The Rope, people succesful in life, people in both and I am none of both. It hurts me that I can't seem to hold on and be a reciter of Allah's words. It hurts me that I am an average everywhere. It hurts me that I can't never get out of 4th position, never first. It hurts me that I am not steadfast in my prayers and rawatib. It hurts me that I am a bad servant, bad child, bad student, bad brother and a bad friend. I looked at ADHD symptoms & I think Oh I have ADHD, then I say: no you don't, you ARE just coping and trying to attention seek. Man I am lost. I LOVE Planes, jets, Cars everything that moves by explosion. I want to go to KFUPM to study Aerospace & go into aeronautical field, but me being me, I am just wasting time being lazy. Let me tell you what my weights are: Study good to get 90%+ on fsc to get into KFU, study SAAT and get 99%+, revise and perfect quran revision to get 100% on the exam, go to duroos & study Arabic. Pray prayers with rawatib. These are possible, but because I am so LAZY and USELEESS and just STUPID, I am unable to do these easy tasks everyday or atleast every other day. It's my skill issue & It's not that it is hard. I also want to help out my father financially but I am unable to and that also hurts me. Once a person told me after looking at my polished shell, I wish at your age I was like you, not knowing underneath that polished shell, there is the black smoke coal that not only burns just a little, it also withers everything around it.
I am also 90kg at 18, I look like a ball of straight fat. I try to exercise but guess what, fatty can't stop eating. My brothers are so much more better than me, one is obedient to Allah & parents. The other the same along with being a genius ماشاء الله بارك الله. The last one is the same while I am curse my parents, shout at them and be regularly angry at them, I am also unobedient to my lord, I regularly get fed up with decree/fate. I get angry at every little mishap, specially when I am overstimulated.
Also about me being a attention seeker, I am probably writing this to attention seek by playing the "victim card".
Do you want to hear positive things about me, No?, you don't. okay I thought so too, & even if you hard said yes, I don't have any. (What a victim card, Bravo, so proud of you, you liberal shit).
I genuinely want a family but my sins are blocking that, I probably may not ever find a wife the way I am.
I want to give up but somehow I have no option to. I am really tired.
Some things I love are (Dunya stuff, after Allah, duroos & things): Women, cooking / baking, Engineering stuff, I have newly started to draw but it is something I have loved for a long time, working on cars even tho I have never done that, Although I did have a bike who I LOVED, but as everything in my life, I lost it (not literally), I miss him even a year later and will keep on missing him, I also enjoy doing handy staff, I like mathematics & physics.
Why am I writing this:
I saw videos of people telling people, who have a lot on their mind to breathe and first to perfect the run in the race line before trying to win, but because none of the stuff i have is compromisable, I can't relate.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

I have been struggling quite a lot this past year, and I would really appreciate any advice, words of encouragement or duas for myself, my family and friends.

At the beginning of the year, during Ramadan, I felt really motivated to improve my Deen, work on myself and make positive changes in my life. I passed important exams and reached a significant point in my career, and I was genuinely excited about what the future might hold, In Shaa Allah.

Unfortunately, I suddenly became unwell with an unexpected health issue. Alhamdulillah, the condition itself is not serious or considered a bad concern, and I am told it is simply bad luck. As a result, I've been unable to work and progress in my career as I had hoped. But the uncertainty of not knowing when I'll recover, whether I'll need more procedures or how much longer I'll be away from work has been incredibly difficult.

I've found myself feeling stressed and overwhelmed by everything that's happened. I worry about whether I'll be able to achieve the happiness, good health and financial stability I hope for, and whether I'll find love and experience having a family of my own. I worry about the people I love and their wellbeing, too. At times, it feels exhausting to keep facing one uncertainty after another.

I know that life doesn't always go according to plan, and from an Islamic perspective, I want to maintain my trust in Allah's plan. I know that Allah is the best of planners, and I want to have faith in the timing. However, I'm finding it difficult.

How do I cope emotionally? How do I stop comparing my journey to others and feeling as though I am falling behind? How do I maintain my faith and trust in Allah during a prolonged period of uncertainty, especially when things didn't seem to be getting better despite my duas?

I'd really appreciate any advice, personal experiences, Islamic reminders or words of encouragement. Please also keep me, my family and friends in your duas. May Allah grant us all good health, ease our difficulties, protect our loved ones and grant us what is best for us in this life and the Hereafter. Ameen. 🤍

I don't expect anyone to have all the answers, but hearing from people who understand what this feels like would genuinely mean a lot. Jazakum Allahu khayran for taking the time to read this. ❤️

Guys i know duas from strangers really help so can you guys please make dua that i get what i’m asking for.

Something terrible just happened and i’m about to hit rock bottom so hard everything is about to fall apart.
I beg you guys please, please just please.

one year ago, for about 8 months i was praying tahajjud regularly. i made dua for many aspects of my life and absolutely none of my duas were answered.

i asked to be able to go long term travel/backpacking with my cousin, to get a decent score of my law school admissions exam, to get into a top law school, and to find a spouse. i was very detailed in my dua but i also understand that we don’t know what’s best for us so i also would say to do what’s best for me because i knew and trusted that Allah SWT had my best interests.

I have to clarify that I was taking actions in my life to achieve these things and not only praying tahajjud and nothing else.

Because none of these duas were answered, I have lost the will to pray and make dua. Truly, what is the point? These duas weren’t accepted and that’s fine, I can understand that there may be something better out there for me but it’s been a year now and I’m still in the same position I was in when I was making those duas. None of my duas have been answered in the past so I don’t even want to bother asking for anything else.

Any advice or help would be appreciated. I would like to start praying again but I have a major mental roadblock because of this. And please no “it’s obligatory so you must pray” comments. I know it’s obligatory and I do feel shame that I’m not praying.

How do you deal with ungratefulness? Throughout my life I have been blessed with many loving relationships and opportunities but I still made many wrong choices and now I can stop thinking about those mistakes. It's not like I want more but still I can't stop beating myself up for my mistakes rather than being grateful for what I have been given.

I wanted to ask how do you deal with getting no revenge or retribution against the ones who wronged you. Someone violated your privacy and dignity and when you catch them and call them out, they feign innocence and take false oath of Allah cuz to them their image in front of other people matter more than taking false oaths and abusing someone, and people who you thought would support you, also ended up taking their side by trying to stay 'neutral'. So you cut them all off from your life, try to remove a huge chunk of your life from your memory, as you don't want any trace of those people Allah just exposed in front of you, as no one had spine enough to stand up for the right but only cared about their relationships with them so they can take advantage of each other and what was more convenient. What hurts is that this all comes from Muslims, or people who claim to be Muslims.

And when you try to forget and move on, you cannot because something always reminds you of the past, and the people you should have never met. What seems more unfair is the victim not only suffers during the incident but also keeps suffering after it, while the other party becomes so firm in their lie that they carry on with their life normally and getting all success and happy with no remorse or guitl.

How do you even forgive someone who never even asked for forgiveness or think they need it cuz they succeeded in getting away with it, so they create this entire narrative where you wrongfully accused them and they are innocent. How do you get over the regret of trusting people who also chose to "stay out of it" so they can be in the good books on both sides and also chose hypocrisy.

I feel like I am stuck with this for life, every prayer, every tahajjud, every fast, every umrah, every other night I cry to sleep, every time I ask for retribution, but I get nothing, in fact I get more reminders from diff people that they are quite content and having fun in their respective lives with no thought of the suffering caused to me. I can't go even a week being invested in my life so i get over it before something bursts the bubble.

It just does not seem fair, I suffer until the day I am dead, while they are happy. If it was some non muslims you can at least tell yourself that as consolation, that Allah chose you. But if it is muslims, you are lost because they'll probably get forgiveness eventually, and with how much I am suffering, it feels like I will be forced to forgive without even getting an apology in the first place. How is that fair?

And throughout all this the thing that hurts more than what happened is the stupid benefit of the doubt you gave people just because they were Muslims, had families of their own etc etc, the regret of not seeing through things, of not cutting them off earlier instead of being kind and understanding, is what cuts you most. I don't know what reward is worth living your entire life in regret and grief, while you did even do any wrong but wrong was done to you. I pray for peace of mind and soul, and even that seems unlikely. Suddenly my entire life is about just surviving and getting done with this dunya. I have no hopes or dreams anymore, everything seems meaningless and pointless. You see people getting side tracked, not following deen properly but still they seem to be so protected, you try your best and even being a little naive and careless about something minimal, gives you a smack in the face for the rest of your life.

What should I do, please guide me. The only one I can rely on is Allah, no other person or institute can give me justice instead I will be dragging myself through more misery. I have no one. In the wait and hope for divine justice, how do I be more patient, it really is hard, even my dreams are plagued with nightmares of those people. I do not know anymore if it is a test or a punishment.

Assalamu alaikum. I really need some advice as my Imaan has been dropping and I've started having doubts about Islam.

I haven’t prayed regularly in 5 years, but my family assumes I do, and the guilt is wearing on me.

Whenever I try to connect with Allah or make dua, intrusive and inappropriate thoughts pop into my head. It causes me so much anxiety, but I haven't stopped trying.

Restarting after such a long gap feels overwhelming. If anyone has advice on handling doubts, managing intrusive thoughts during dua, and rebuilding prayer habits step-by-step, I would deeply appreciate it. JazakAllah khair.

Yesterday I was praying in general to Allah to protect my family and the ummah from terminal illness. Later while I was trying to search up something on my WhatsApp, I came across my old neighbour's number. We haven't contacted each other for 2 or 3 years.

I just dropped her a salam text. We chatted a bit and she seems to be in a difficult situation with her husband diagnosed with cancer. She has a 2 year old kid. She doesn't have a job right now. Both of them are in their hometown for the treatment.

Please include them in your prayers for immediate cure from cancer. In Sha Allah 🤍

I don't really know what to do anymore. I'm in my final year of highschool, and I'm struggling so bad academically, in my personal and social life, and in general. I have tried to pray so so many times, and do istikhara, but I always get told I'm not doing enough. I've tried to be consistent with my prayers, begged so much in them, I've even read tahajjud, with full faith.

Why doesn't anything work? I'm so stupid, I feel like I'll never get anywhere in life. My results came out today for preliminary (just learning skills, you know if you're in canada), and I have two classes where I'm progressing with difficulty (biology, and a social sciences class) the only reason this is the case, is because in biology I screwed up on my test even though I studied so so hard, and prayed for the test to go well, and i got a 61. My grade is at a 70, I need to get it in the 90s, its only the second month of school right now, I don't know what to do. For the social sciences class, the only reason is because I didn't get to finish an in-class assignment.

Besides that, I spend most of my days alone, sacrifice my breaks to study, and even my nights, staying up late to make sure my stuff is top notch. At this point I'm sort of rambling in this post, but I'm so tired.

I don't have any friends I can turn to either, and Muslim girls I thought were my friends turned on me, and bullied me extremely, making me anxious to even go to school.

I don't know what to do anymore. At times, it's hard to even just be here, but I try to keep my faith up. However, whenever I pray more regularly, it all gets a bit worse, and it's just so so much, I can't handle everything anymore. Things aren't getting any better, and even though I pray with so much belief, I don't really see my duas being accepted.

Assalamu aleikum everyone, this is the first time in my life that I am requesting dua. I am going through an existential crisis for 2 months now and its not getting any better. I have constant anxiety and panic attacks, I keep praying to Allah that he shows me a sign but I havent seen anything so far. I am just terrified of my entire existence and the existence of the universe itself. I keep thinking that what if there is no Allah, even though I lived my entire life believing. I was never practicing and I lived a terrible lifestyle, so maybe it has just caught up to me. I also live in a country without a single mosque (not exaggerating) and thus I have noone to talk to irl. Please make dua for me.

Salam everyone,

​I sat for my Math paper today, and it was a total nightmare. I’ve sacrificed so much sleep for this paper, and it was demoralizing how tough it was.

​I’m retaking this exam for the second time, and I'm just so drained. All I ask is for your prayers/duas so I can get a passing grade, get into my dream course next year, and finally move forward.

​Please keep me in your prayers 🙏

Ps i literally cried in the middle of the paper🤣🥲

​

I gotta decide on what to study , but I have no idea what I wanna pursue . I have some majors in mind but , what do I reslly like ? what would give me a safe and secure career ? what would give me good pay ? I’m just so confused. How do I ask Allah SWT for help in this decision and guidance with whatever happens later. I haven’t been religious most of my life so I sincerely apologize if some of the things I say are absurd. I don't have many elders around to guide me .

Another thing I've heard is that you need to have one decision in mind and then go on with Istikhara Prayer , however that's not the case for me , here I need help choosing amongst options , all of which I'm almost equally attracted to.

Sometimes, life gets so busy that we forget to slow down, take a deep breath, and appreciate what we already have.

Tomorrow is Friday, a beautiful reminder to r,econnect with Allah, make dua for the people we love, and pray for those who are silently fighting battles we know nothing about.

May Allah bring peace to every restless heart, ease every hardship, and give everyone a reason to smile again. Ameen. 🤲🏻

Jumma Mubarak to everyone. ❤️

# What is one thing you're praying for this Friday?

I love her alot but many things went bad,many things hurt between us,many mistakes and faults and even sihr for seperation. Its almost like its impossible to get back together now but i ask you guys to please make dua for me that we get back in the relationship and everything gets better between us and that we never separate again. Thank you everyone i make sure to make dua for you too.

I believe in Allah but i’m having really diffult times. i’m feeling numb. I want to regain my faith. I can’t even find any energy or motivation to do anything. What do i do? Please help me

So a month ago i had the worst ever breakup of my life. Things got really bad because there was also sihr done to me. Right now she doesn't want to understand that, nor does she wants to believe me, everyone around me has stopped giving me hope and told me how she wont ever come back because shes a really stubborn person and once someone is gone from her life they dont really come back. There are many things that happened and everything points towards she wont come back, someone even proposed to her recently. Even though it feels irreversible, impossible,miraculous. I have put all my faith in allah, he can do anything. I ask you, my brothers to make dua for me that she comes back, she gets written in my naseeb again, and allah writes my nikah with her,everything that has been hurt between us, and the trust broken gets fixed. We become each others bestfriend and love again and ofc in future spouses. Allah can do the impossible, he is al-wadud and al-muqallib al-qulub. Please make dua for me that she comes back with me in the relationship better than ever and it happens really soon.every dua means alot to me and i will make dua for you too. May allah also forgive me for all the wrong i have done and all the sins. Ask him to forgive me and accept all my Duas. Thank you everyone. Just need her to come back now and everything will fix one by one.

I genuinely need some advice because my family and I are feeling lost right now, sorry for the long post.

My younger brother unemployed, and recently came clean to our mother about his drinking and smoking habits. We come from a very religious Muslim family, so this has been a huge shock, especially for our mom.

For some background, he initially admitted to us siblings at the beginning of this year that he was drinking and smoking. We tried talking to him and even sent him for Umrah, hoping that being in a different environment and reconnecting with his faith would help him reflect and change his habits.
Unfortunately, when he returned, nothing really changed.
Over time, my mom started noticing changes in his behavior. He would sometimes come home drunk, and she began suspecting something was wrong. Eventually, he admitted everything to her.

A little more background about our family: we don’t have a father or male figure in the household. My brother is also the youngest and has always been extremely pampered. He’s never really had to struggle or take much responsibility for himself. Everyone else in the family is busy with their careers and lives, and I think somewhere along the way we overlooked him and assumed he’d eventually figure things out.

I’m not saying this to blame him entirely. I think we failed him in some ways too.
Now he’s actually asking about rehab and admitting that he finds it very difficult to quit drinking and smoking. This is what worries me the most because it seems like it’s no longer just something he does socially, but something he genuinely struggles to stop.

We’re considering rehab, but my concern is what happens afterward. He’ll return to the exact same environment, with the same friends, temptations, lack of structure, and no job. The job market where we live is also terrible right now, so finding work isn’t easy.

One idea I’ve been considering is sending him back to our home country, where life would be very different. He wouldn’t have the same luxuries and comforts he’s used to here. He would have to work, earn his own money, develop some discipline, and hopefully gain a sense of responsibility and purpose.
Our uncle lives there, so he wouldn’t be completely alone and would have someone to guide him and keep an eye on him.