Years together. Multiple trips. Lots of memories. Discarded via text. Not even a single call at the end when I was begging for them to talk to me. I did everything

I am the longest, truest, deepest relationship they have. And I am blocked

We were together short term, she (F24) cheated with her ex, but our relationship was very formative for me (F25). I spent more time than I would have liked trying to heal from that. A whole year later, I finally got some semblance of closure from her just recently. She told me that she was conflicted at the time, but that she did love me. In the middle of all this, she admits to me that her current gf/recent ex had been cheating on her for months and she got her “karma”. They eventually broke up but the whole last month after she apologized to me has been a mess emotionally for me, just replaying the cheating in my head, feeling burdened with the feelings I still have for her, and feeling lonely and depressed. We had a long conversation recently where she told me that me waiting for her would be unfair to me, that one of the most painful parts of our relationship for her was that we were never friends and that it hurt to know I couldn’t be. That she loves me, but she has so much baggage and she is trying to make different choices than she did before. We agreed to just not talk, but I ruined that by texting the next day and obviously spiraling.

I am at a loss, and don’t know what to do. I feel like I keep contacting her and it’s really just because I’m crying out for some help or support. What do I do? I’m in desperate need of some advice.

Okay so this is a rogue idea. Since Avoidant’s become irritated by contact or compliments after deactivation, would they continue to be frustrated if we contacted them continuously over time, since some - for some incredible reason - can’t seem to fully block us, so with compliments about them over time. So they keep living with the outward frustration that the person they once loved they now hate but can’t find ways to hate the person cause they are just nice. And they end up unable to forget us even though they choose to not block us fully. Just a thought 😹

My boyfriend (28) and I (29) broke up a couple of weeks ago and are in no contact. We didn’t set a time for how long we’re in no contact, but he said he’s not sure how much space and time he’ll need. We did a week of no contact, it was super hard, at the end of it we got a meal together and had a super big conversation that left us both emotionally drained, and then he texted the next morning that he needed space and wanted to go no contact. I told him I loved him and for him to take as much time as he needs. That was on Saturday and it’s Tuesday and it feels like it’s been a lifetime.

We love each other so much. So much. He’s codependent and very anxious, and our relationship became codependent. I’m working through mental health issues and he felt like he had to fix them. I was a drain on him, and he made me feel stifled and I felt like I was losing my freedom/ability to have my own full life outside of him, and subsequently he did too, even though he didn’t realize it at first. He threw everything into this relationship and not enough into himself.

I was the one that initiated the breakup—I discarded him. I was working in Alaska for 4 weeks at the time, and became nearly manic up there—drank tons of caffeine every day, barely slept, was surrounded by people and parties, and the sun was up 22/7. I felt like I hadn’t felt so free the entire time we’d been together and felt like “myself” (even though I was an extremely hyper version of myself, and a hyper independent version of myself, not my true self). I texted him and called a few times during that time but he felt abandoned, rightfully so. And I was emotionally distant because I knew I’d try to break up with him when I got home. And I made the decision impulsively, which I hate and have done tons of reflection on, and am determined to heal that part of myself. It blindsided him because we had just been lovey and great and then I switched on him pretty quickly.

I got home, told him I wanted to break up with him but wasn’t sure, then we talked about the ways that we want our relationship to change, both showed up with tons of humility and compassion, wrote each other letters, etc. We spent a week having these conversations and trying to keep things going, even though he was still shocked and hurt. I decided that our issues were something we could work on together based on the way that we were both communicating and taking accountability. But I think he was really hurt by the way this all went down, which I fully take the blame for and I am just so regretful and ashamed. So his codependency/anxiety + my distance and avoidance led him to not trust me anymore. He was destroyed. So he decided that we needed to break up and he wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted us to get back together. I know he’s afraid that I would do it to him again. I would be too.

I know he loves me so much. He has been so torn up. I can see his Spotify activity (lol) and he’s listening to lots of sad songs like “I’m still in love with you but you’re hurting me,” “I still love you but I need a year,” “I love you but I don’t think I can do this anymore,” etc. He’s also writing a bunch of tremendously sad poetry. Super sad boi rn.

I’m utterly heartbroken, I love him so much and while I still think that we have so much work to do that would ultimately be best for us to do separately, I’m really worried that I’ve damaged his trust forever and he’ll never come back. I thought I was going to marry him and have kids with him. We were coming up on 10 months of dating, so it’s new, but on the very first date we both knew that each other was “the one,” it fit so perfectly. Neither of us had felt that way before. We both had lists of what we were looking for in potential partners and we matched each other’s lists perfectly. It was crazy. And throughout our relationship we had issues due to our anxieties but we communicated so well and were soooo kind and sweet and considerate of one another. It was the best relationship I’ve ever had and he said the same. He said I was the kindest, smartest, most considerate and supportive girlfriend he’d ever had. He’s my best friend. We loved spending time together and shared so many hobbies and had so many fun and interesting and sweet conversations. So tender and loving.

My relationship history is marked by breaking up with past boyfriends. I’ve had 4 boyfriends, all 1-3 year relationships. I broke up with all of them. No one was “good enough,” even though I generally had worse mental health/trauma issues than them which made our relationship difficult at times. It’s a pattern that I fell into, and I’m glad I broke up with all of the past partners, but this one is SO DIFFERENT and I’m so upset that my brain destroyed what we had.

His history is a pattern of dating girls who need “fixing” and desperately trying to fix them. Codependency and hero complex. And then completely draining himself and burning out in the process.

As you can see we both have a lot of stuff to work on and heal.

I’m working soooo hard on my shit, I just started a 10hr/week DBT therapy program on top of my regular therapy, getting a new psychiatrist to find the right meds for my conditions, reading tons of books, I’m in the gym, I’m starting new healthy self care routines, throwing myself back into my hobbies, and actually just landed an incredible new job which is more than doubling my salary.

As far as I can tell he’s doing the same. He’s continuing his therapy, he’s back into his hobbies at a more serious level, he’s back in the gym, and he’s spending more time with his friends. He truly took accountability for his codependency which was highlighted while I was gone and taking space. He wants to fix it because it’s been a pattern in his relationships. Him setting these boundaries and going no contact is really impressive to me, knowing him. It’s hot lol. I’m proud of him even though it’s so hard.

I’m oscillating between sobbing and listening to sad songs and listening to “that man is mine” type songs to try to manifest him back to me. I have truly never ever felt this way about someone before. I’ve never cried so hard and felt so intensely about a breakup. Ever.

To any couples that have broken up/dealt with avoidant discard and gotten back together—how long were you no contact, what needed to change in order for you to get back together, and what demonstrated that he/she was doing the work to actually fix their problems and made you want them back? Or anything related to getting back together.

I just need a sliver of hope that there’s still a chance for us. He’s my perfect mate. I will be destroyed if he doesn’t come back and I genuinely cannot imagine ever dating anyone ever again. If we get back together, I’m holding down that man for life. Pleeeeease give me some hope.

My ex and I didn’t block each other on social media.
I don’t want to block him because I know myself and I know that blocking him will make me more curious about what’s going on with him and it’ll be more difficult for me to fully be done.

I was doing so well not checking for about a month but had a relapse last week. That’s when I saw his new rebound and his efforts flaunting her online. I even trolled him and got him to like a petty post about him (coz he wants to keep appearances that he always likes posts)

I want to stop looking at his page but I’m having a difficult time. Any tips EXCEPT for blocking?

N/C for months now. Everything about it is infuriating and I can't do shit about it 🫩

Not sure if it fits here, but she is a people-pleasing avoidant. She was/is undiagnosed, but everything fits to a T. She destructed after 6 years together; I worked 60 or more hours a week for 4 months. Unlimited overtime; my company doesn't have overtime, special case. She kept saying it was fine, pay down debt faster. Her undiagnosed; that is what I said. Found out she cheated; I was devastated. Never used, but our relationship was open with only one rule: no guys; inform the other before or shortly after, when convenient. Of course it was a guy, a co-worker, who lives down the street; she walks there. Realized something was off, a trauma, thought it was communication. I told her I accepted it as a learning lesson and we could fix it. Trying to discuss it, she was overwhelmed multiple times in a matter of minutes for a few evenings. Finally, figured out her people-pleasing avoidant; the blank face was the clue. In six years, I had never seen it.

I couldn't get her to stop. I know what is going to happen when her block comes down. She is making it worse. It was bad to start; we have a very loving and affectionate relationship, extremely so. She found me blacked out drunk, sobbing and screaming how much I love her and how much it hurt for hours on end, then passed out and did the same, wandering the house 7 hours later, then went back to bed to wake up sober 6 hours later. (I have never been anywhere near that drunk in my life. I couldn't get her to go to therapy; she kept sleeping with the Co-Worker. She recognized she has the disorder, but is stonewalling on therapy. I tried to shock her into therapy with an ultimatum: either me and therapy or having no car, savings, or home. She ran. Now she is, of course, telling everyone about what a horrible guy I am. How I neglected her when (working optional overtime; I had asked her if she wanted me at home), 2 week trip I could have avoided but would have cost more (it was fine), etc. She will be fine financially; it is going to make it rough for me, but manageable, I hope. As much as it hurts now, I am hoping she comes back; maybe next time I can get her the help she needs before she repeats. I just want to see her healthy.

After 7 weeks post blindside (4 year relationship). And after so much in those 7 weeks with cooked distance/ communication, long vulnerable emotional conversations. I finally let him come around to collect the rest of his things, as I was somewhat ready. I told him he could not bring anyone to help as it is my house - a firm boundary I made. He brought his brother, disrespecting my boundary. Then they collected every last thing and he didn't even let me know he was finished or said goodbye. He just left without me knowing.

Our last meeting a couple of weeks ago was a conversation for about 2.5 hrs which ended in us both devastatingly crying, hugging, etc etc. Which was a comforting last memory.

I have never been so destroyed and hurt by his final choices. Had he of respected the boundary and not brought his brother, then said goodbye, I would be okay. Of course he chose the most evil thing he could do. And i'll never know why. And now my final memories are ruined. I don't really don't know how someone I loved so much could do this to me.

I have been in a LDR for almost 3 years, and have worked through some avoidant pull backs, but got through them. This fight was different. He’d been venting and putting some heavy things on me for several weeks and it was a bit draining. I did come out and tell him but he wouldn’t really respond and eventually texted me a long message saying he was unhappy with my responses to him. I replied harshly, saying a lot of issues he has are self created. He spends all night gaming, then sleeping through his shift at work and performs poorly, then is worried about his yearly review. He has no money, yet spends like crazy. I told him that I love him, but it’s not fair to go all day without hearing from him because he’s sleeping, then he wants me to stay up later to spend time together. It’s unfair to put some heavy emotional family trauma things on my shoulders and not see that it can be overwhelming to me, especially when advice/support/empathy doesn’t seem to be what he’s looking for from me.

After the argument he went 10 days with no reply. I reached out and asked if the silence means an end to the relationship. He said no, that he loves me and agrees with some but not all. I offered a time to reach out and talk, he ended up having to reschedule. I gave two more dates and those dates came and went. I sent a message saying I wasn’t going to force this conversation to happen and that I was really wanting to listen. He read it, no reply.

Two weeks later I sent a message saying I really want to work through this and don’t want to lose him. He read it, no reply. Now another two weeks has passed and it’s starting to settle that this might really be it. But then I bargain, I’m angry, I’m sad.

I know him well enough to know he’s caught between avoiding and thinking and feeling. But will this really end in silence? He’s really just going to not say a word to me? He hasn’t blocked me anywhere but stream, he’s even still sharing his location with me. I noticed he wasn’t in his discord like usual so I’m sure he made a private channel. I’m just so confused by all of this but also I’m not. I know to continue my life and move on but some moments I think what the actual fuck, is he serious?

It took me a while to get there but now this is all I see. 🤡 Imagine having one life on earth and choosing to sabotage and waste it (along with the lives of others.) It’s actually more sad than anything…

I’m genuinely trying to understand this pattern, particularly in dismissive avoidants who seem to have some level of self-awareness about their attachment issues.

My ex ended our long-term relationship, explicitly telling me that he needed to be alone, work on himself, and figure out who he was outside of a relationship. He acknowledged that he had patterns he needed to address and made it clear that being alone was something he felt he genuinely needed, even though he still loved me.

Except he never actually followed through with that.
Instead, he entered a relationship with someone I had expressed concerns about during our relationship.

What I struggle to understand is the contradiction between having enough self-awareness to recognize that you need to be alone, being willing to sacrifice a relationship with someone you claim to love in order to achieve that independence, and then seemingly abandoning that entire conviction when another romantic opportunity presents itself.

If being alone was so important that you were willing to lose someone you loved, why does that need suddenly disappear when someone else comes along?

And if the underlying issues that made the previous relationship feel unsustainable haven’t actually been addressed, what makes a new relationship feel like a viable solution?

I understand that attachment styles aren’t diagnoses and that not every DA behaves this way. I’m specifically interested in hearing from people who identify as dismissive avoidant or who have experienced this pattern.

Is it possible for someone to intellectually recognize their need for independence and personal growth but still be fundamentally unable to tolerate being alone?

Is a new relationship sometimes easier than actually confronting the things that made the previous one difficult? Does the novelty of a new connection temporarily eliminate the feelings of pressure or engulfment that existed in the previous relationship?
And perhaps most importantly, what happens to that original realization that you needed to be alone? Does it simply get forgotten, rationalized away, or does the new relationship genuinely feel different enough that you convince yourself the same issues won’t arise?

I’m not asking why someone might develop feelings for another person after a breakup. I’m asking how someone can identify being alone as a fundamental personal need, make an enormous decision based on that realization, and then seemingly be unable or unwilling to actually follow through with it.

I’d really appreciate perspectives from people who have experienced this from either side.

Ok so me and her have been together since November last year
In July we started having the push n pull . In July I was being toxic always blowing up her phone texting her from texting apps JUST IN THAT MONTH
I finally gave up and each time she would just tend lexits done leave then try to come back some how random things
This past month she messaged me out of no where saying she missed me but didn’t want it to further she said her bye

Then two days later she offers me friend ship I say no she gets mad blocks me . ( there was a point where she was telling me to block her after days of not speaking)

Then a few days later she says she does wanna be with me. We try for a few days but it just felt like friends I brought that up we go into argument and she ignores me blocks me on everything and next day she says we’re for sure done to take care . At that point I DID. Blow up her phone and it’s been a while since I’ve done that . Since September I’ve been respecting her space when she asks for it but she keeps coming back . Anyways a day and half later ( last night ) she sent me a text that said “ I have a reason not to talk to you again “ but she unsent it instantly I suppose she thinks I didn’t see it . And it’s crazy to think she made it seem the texting app thing was recent .

Then I guess at 4am she messaged my kids mom and this is how it went . WTF IS HER REASON FOR DOING THIS WHEN ITS BEEN A DAY AND A HALF !!!! I haven’t bugged her at all . If anything our last convo she had the last word . Took the L and just didn’t respond

The discard. The block. The fears

I think my ex is avoidant, but she could just not care. Idk.

We were falling for each other quickly, or at least the way we talked and treated each other would lead me to believe so. She (33f) moved too quickly, dreaming big at lightning speed. She introduced me (32m) to her coworkers, her friends, and her whole family. She met all of my family. Everything seemed too perfect, and I guess it was.

She called me a few days after I left after the weekend and told me it wasn’t going to work out and that she was done for good. We didn’t even talk about it. I asked her later and she gave me reasons, but they were all fixable, and she didn’t even want to work on the relationship, even though I didn’t realize anything was wrong. She just cut me out of her life, deleting every trace of me (pics of an ex from years ago are still on her page). And after a week or so, she blocked me, telling me never to contact her again.

A few days ago, she unblocked me on at least facebook and Snapchat, but she didn’t add me back. She has looked at my story a couple of times and even posted public stories, though she didn’t before. She hasn’t looked for a couple of days though.

I’m still so confused, because I don’t feel she was entirely honest with why she ended things. It has been nearly a month, and while I’m going on with my life, she is pretty much on my mind constantly. I feel betrayed and abandoned. I don’t know how you go from what we were to instantly flipping the switch. I would kill to be able to interact with her, though I realize what she did showed an absolute disregard for my emotions and it feels like everything was a mask, though I don’t understand how it could be with her introducing me to everyone.

She cried and told me she loved me before she hung up when she broke up with me over FaceTime (we live 2.5 hours away from each other). She was supposed to meet my friends for the first time that day.

I know I need to move on, so please don’t just leave me those comments. I’m just baffled and I know it is probably over with her telling me not to contact her again. What in the world happened? Will she ever come back? Why does she want to look and not speak?

I sometimes still wonder if I got it wrong and I was actually the problem and misunderstood him when he was trying to communicate healthily to me. He got married the following year to his friend, he had told me when we were dating that she was only a friend and he didn’t see her like that but I felt rlly unsettled about it because he knew that she saw him romantically. They’re still married and things look like they’re going well? She seems emotionally mature! Perhaps he was an actually emotionally mature stoic and I was too anxious, demanding and possessive? Maybe I really was the problem all along.

Soo uhh i thought I was over them(broke up 3months ago) but about a week ago some of my thoughts suddenly came back. Not ground breaking like after the breakup. But I don't know how to get over them if this keeps happening. I started thinking about them and how theyre doing daily again.

We were supposted to test being friends after a month of NC but when the time came she told me she doesn't want to because she wants to keep me safe.
But I kind of don't buy It since she told the same thing about protecting me when we broke up. I just think that was a shield and she had more alterior motives of her own.

Thats why I'd like to contact her and ask her about these things to know what was it really that led to us never talking again. Idk another way of getting through these questions.
I know I also secretly would like to hear them tell me it's not been easy for them either but I doubt that. It's just so bizarre how I'm still fucked up about the breakup when they have been over it for long time it seems. Maybe hearing them say they didn't hold it to the same value would make me move on.

Context: My DA had a “friend” that I grew increasingly uncomfortable with during the years we were together, however, I was always nice to her and tried to give her the benefit of the doubt / bond with her. The initial discard happened when the 3 of us ended up on a trip together and during that time she was horrible to me and absolutely contributed to the end.

Afterwards, my DA and I toyed with reconciling for a few months and were in regular contact. During that time I found out more about their relationship, and found something she had written him that was super inappropriate and also called me “toxic” (despite the fact that he had always maintained I was a great partner and did nothing wrong). I made it clear there was zero chance of us getting back together if she was still in his life and he showed me a screen shot of him texting her that they shouldn’t talk anymore, and where he addressed how she treated me and the fact that their relationship was weird and was them kind of being stand in validation / partners for each other. But never showed me her reply. Before he did it though he pulled an “I can’t do this relationship anymore” which he later took back and still did it. But that backslide after all the progress we made caused me to decide I would never feel safe in that relationship and tell him I didn’t want back together.

We agreed to remain friends, and were for a few weeks, until he blocked me on everything with zero chance for me to even respond. That was about 6 weeks ago.

I made a ghost account to see his IG because he has a public account and in his final discard he said “he’d unblock me at some point” and we still have paperwork that needs to be sorted out, so he really he does have to eventually. I want to know what he’s up to so that I know the truth and so that he can’t lie about what he’s been up to whenever I do hear from him again.

Anyway, he posted a story that I recognize as her place. Doing cutesy crafts together and watching a movie. I’m so fucking furious. And can imagine they’re talking about how “toxic” I am. Now I’m wondering if he ever really cut contact at all. Am wondering if they will start dating. He constantly maintained that they were just friends but he lied about so many other things that I have no idea what to believe anymore. The idea of which makes me so full of fucking rage that I have no idea what to do with myself. Especially considering she played a role in the break up (both times really).

TLDR: how do you deal with the rage of the block + hanging out with the person they told you “not to worry about”.

Going through the classic anxious/avoidant breakup and I've realised that everything negative they do has an excuse and a reason based on their attachment al which point to love still existing. It's hard to move on when I read about the pushing people away/being cold/flirting with others/distractions etc all as meaning there could still be love. Does anyone question whether these are just excuses we make ourselves. Is there any way to know? It would be a lot easier to move on if I can think of him as a bad person

My ex (34) wanted a relationship with "NO PROBLEMS." Unfortunately, I came with the premium subscription package called human emotions. Some highlights of our customer service experience:

One day, he made a joke about my lesbian friend and her partner's apartment attracting cats because, apparently, vaginas smell like fish. I questioned the biological reasoning behind this and later explained why I found the stereotype degrading. His counterargument: "80% of the rest of the world would have had absolutely no problem with my comment." Apparently, I was supposed to conduct a statistically representative survey before criticising a joke...

But he did express some regret: "I never framed vaginas as something 'disgusting'. I related them with the smell of fish, thus the cat had interest in them. Which I partially regret because I don't agree using animals as negative references. Like dirty as a pig, or stupid as a donkey or..." Apparently, the real victim of this joke was the cat, for having been compared to women. When I tried to explain why the stereotype was offensive, he told me: "I am not Defensive. I am argumenting to an offense that you took personal without any need!" My emotional needs were also described as "queen requirements." Sir, I asked for empathy, not Buckingham Palace.... Whenever I tried to explain that something had hurt me, the conversation often turned into a debate about whether I was justified in feeling hurt in the first place. I tried explaining that he didn't have to agree with my feelings to acknowledge them. I wasn't asking him to walk on eggshells. I just wanted him to understand that his words could hurt me even without bad intentions and that acknowledging this and apologising wouldn't mean admitting to having deliberately done something wrong. Over time, I became increasingly frustrated. Eventually, my frustration itself became another problem we argued about. After months of this dynamic, we broke up.

When I later reached out because I wanted to talk about our relationship, he sent me an Instagram reel about emotional maturity. The reel argued that people often claim to want an emotionally mature partner until that partner dares to disagree with them. Ironically, the man who repeatedly told me I was too sensitive for objecting to his comments apparently experienced himself as the one who couldn't safely express his opinions... So after months of trying to explain why dismissing my feelings hurt me, I had finally received a lesson in emotional maturity. No conversation. Just homework.

It's been three weeks of no contact. I'm heartbroken, he's presumably enjoying his problem-free existence and somewhere out there is an Instagram algorithm that knows more about our relationship than either of us. And despite everything, I still miss him terribly. Has anyone else experienced this? Where both partners ended up feeling like the other person was the problem, but your attempts to calmly address things somehow became the conflict itself?

We ended on good terms and talk every single day in the school and after we would spend all the school brakes together she would hug me often and blush around me , we talked after school she used to teach me stuff for school ex. chem , one time me and my friends were badly drunked and we had our battery die in our phones we called our last hope her. she 20 minutes later came to us and helped me get home safe , while waiting she was play fighting with me she was sitting on my back and stuff like that, 10 days later she called me saying she needs help i was haning around with her for like 3 hours she would put her head on my shoulder hugged me stuff like that, then i was badly badly badly drunk and again she was the one to help me get back to home but i think i fucked up this time , she said i had kissed her for around 10 times and hugger her all the time, although i remember i did hug her a few times i asked her every single time if thats fine and i remember her saying yes , she knows i would never make her uncomfortable , she said she forgives me for kissing her. i asked her can we act like this didnt happen and she seemed kinda like angry but not in a wrong way then she called me and we talked like we always do.Today she asked me do i still have feelings for her and i told her yes i told her that we were almost 4 months together and its been like 3 months since the breakup and its not possible to forget all that , she said she dosent want to give me hope for anything and that shes sorry for all the stuff and isnt sure if us talking in school is okay , i told her i think it dosent matter because she told me we wont come back together , she said she feels like this isnt healthy for me but whatever. i told her thats just the way i am and i cant forget people easily , later she asked me if she can call me to tell me about her friend i said yes and we talked for an hour like nothing ever happened………i geniunely dont know what to do now and i am so tired

He blocked me everywhere without a word as his way of dumping me after 10 months. Initially it started as a break because he needed space from my “emotional instability” and walking around eggshells around me.

It has been exactly 6 weeks and I made the mistake of looking at his Instagram on incognito mode. His profile picture is with a new girlfriend. I was never in his profile picture, but not that it matters. I wonder if it started during the last few weeks of our relationship or if he ran to the dating apps.

Every day since we broke up, I’ve been thinking of him and finding it in me to keep going. A part of me wished he would come back. I wasn’t a thought in his mind.

I know the cycle will just repeat with the new girl but it still hurts all the same - to feel discarded and easily replaceable.

I am in no rush to date but the idea of trusting again is terrifying.

a girl i was sering for a long time kind of got freaked out if i could stay over after a date (or so I believe) we had been seeing each other for about 6 months, i had already spent one night there before. the date lasted for a long time, we cooked dinner and drank wine. it started at 18:00 and when we i asked it was past 01:00. we had already had sex twice during the date, but when i asked her she said that ”spending the night is the most intimate you can be with someone”. I really really regret asking that question, furthermore I was actually stupid enough to ask her if she wanted to do another date a couple of days afterwards, to which she responded that she was sorry but she was not ready for anything right now. Now we haven’t really had any contact for 4 weeks, but I saw her today as she and I goes to the same university, felt like a punch to the gut, just kind of awkwardly smiled at each other and just casually waved to her which she did not return. This is the first girl that I have felt an actual connection with for many years, which makes it suck so hard that she did not really care about me at all. Why the hell did she want to continue for such a long time just for a lame excuse of ”I am not ready”, I am just disappointed with myself for letting me believe she actually cared about me