Processing as best as I can

[u/Wutislif3]

I have been in a LDR for almost 3 years, and have worked through some avoidant pull backs, but got through them. This fight was different. He’d been venting and putting some heavy things on me for several weeks and it was a bit draining. I did come out and tell him but he wouldn’t really respond and eventually texted me a long message saying he was unhappy with my responses to him. I replied harshly, saying a lot of issues he has are self created. He spends all night gaming, then sleeping through his shift at work and performs poorly, then is worried about his yearly review. He has no money, yet spends like crazy. I told him that I love him, but it’s not fair to go all day without hearing from him because he’s sleeping, then he wants me to stay up later to spend time together. It’s unfair to put some heavy emotional family trauma things on my shoulders and not see that it can be overwhelming to me, especially when advice/support/empathy doesn’t seem to be what he’s looking for from me.

After the argument he went 10 days with no reply. I reached out and asked if the silence means an end to the relationship. He said no, that he loves me and agrees with some but not all. I offered a time to reach out and talk, he ended up having to reschedule. I gave two more dates and those dates came and went. I sent a message saying I wasn’t going to force this conversation to happen and that I was really wanting to listen. He read it, no reply.

Two weeks later I sent a message saying I really want to work through this and don’t want to lose him. He read it, no reply. Now another two weeks has passed and it’s starting to settle that this might really be it. But then I bargain, I’m angry, I’m sad.

I know him well enough to know he’s caught between avoiding and thinking and feeling. But will this really end in silence? He’s really just going to not say a word to me? He hasn’t blocked me anywhere but stream, he’s even still sharing his location with me. I noticed he wasn’t in his discord like usual so I’m sure he made a private channel. I’m just so confused by all of this but also I’m not. I know to continue my life and move on but some moments I think what the actual fuck, is he serious?