Hi all. My daughter is 12 and we live in the UK. She is on the waiting list for CBT therapy in relation to social anxiety and is on the waiting list for an autism assessment. This is all for info and context in the sense that we are trying to address areas already.

My daughter is a good kid, she's bright, doesn't get into trouble and is doing well in school, my concern lies in her obsession with the lead singer of a band.

She has thousands of photos on her phone of him, all appropriate ones, and will send them to me from time to time saying "look how cute my husband is" or "isn't he so cute". This all started at the beginning of the year as what appeared to be a harmless teen crush on a band member, as we've all had at one point in our lives, and has snowballed to what it is now.

My daughter knows everything about this man and talks about him a lot, she owns all of his music, both on vinyl and CD, which me and dad encouraged as music is a massive outlet for her and we were happy she'd connected with a genre of music we always grew up loving.

Now the reason I have come to reddit is because I just don't know what to do, she spends all of her spare time holed up in her bedroom, not wanting to do anything, she has lost interest in most things and will barely leave the house unless it's for school. She came to me tonight crying, I was worried as she can be quite guarded with her emotions, although will talk to me about any problems she may have, so to see her openly crying was a shock for me. She told me, after some coaxing, that she is so upset because of the singers wife, not because she's done anything, but simply because she exists.

I have no idea how to navigate this, I am at a loss of how to help her with these emotions, feelings and the obsession.

Extra info in case it comes up in comments, she has a smartphone, yes. She does not have access to social media, she has YouTube and Whatsapp, there are no groupchats where there may be bullying occuring, she has one best friend who she video calls with a lot and who comes over to the house frequently. She has time limits on the phone and it sits on my dresser from 9pm so she can wind down without it.

EDIT: I have received some amazing advice and wonderful insights here, thank you all so much. It's been great having this be a place for people to share their teen crushes and I've had a few laughs. I'll be doing some research into hyperfixation and ruminating and bring these up at her first CBT session.

I'll also add, as it's being asked a lot, the singer is Oli Sykes from Bring Me The Horizon, I know some people were annoyed I didn't add it in the original post, but I didn't think it was all that important to the advice I was seeking.

EDIT: Thank you for the kind replies! Pls no furry hating, that is not the intention of this post. Thank you for the help!

I (23f) have this friend (21f) and from the beginning I knew she was a furry, and I made it clear that I’m happy for her and anyway that she wants to express herself is cool with me. I truly do not judge her for being a furry, and she often brings up she’s a furry whenever I bring her around other people. I have no problem with her openly vocalizing that information, that itself doesn’t embarrass me. That doesn’t change the fact I’m personally not really into furries, it just isn’t for me, but I would never want my friend to feel bad or like she can’t talk to me about her interests. I’m sure there’s things I’m into that others would look down upon or be confused by.

Recently I invited her to the local fair with me, and she asked if we could go with her boyfriend so me and him could finally meet. I said yes, because I was genuinely happy to finally meet him. After saying yes she then springs the question on me— “he’s thinking about going in full-fursuit, but doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable” Clearly baiting me to assure them and say yes (which I didn’t do, I just left it on delivered) I wouldn’t have agreed to go in the first place if I knew him being in full-fursuit was in the equation 😭

I kind of feel furry-trapped. 1) I say no and look like a jerk 2) I say yes and have an awful night… Being cool with her being a furry is very different from going with them while they’re in full fursuit + getting stared and laughed at by a bunch of teenagers! I don’t want to be stared at all night (we live in the DEEP SOUTH)! I was just trying to have a casual fun time. Am I embarrassed by her and her man being furries? No. But I am embarrassed to be seen in a tight public setting with full-fursuits on, I’ll admit it, and I don’t think that’s a crazy thing to feel. I would never say that to them though, because that is mean.

I tried to tell them in a nice way “I don’t like a lot of intention on me, but I also want you guys to have fun and dress however you want” and it seemed like she got the point up until she said— “I totally get it, he totally gets it—He probably won’t wear it” PROBABLY? WHAT DO YOU MEAN PROBABLY! I will be mortified honestly. How do I make it crystal clear, in the nicest non friendship destroying way that I don’t want to be around them full-fursuit?

Hi this is so embarrassing but what’s not better than asking a bunch of strangers.
I’m in my late 20s and my boyfriend is in his early 30s. We are only a few years apart and he’s always out of town due to work. Like months at a time.

Well.. he’s coming home like today after not seeing him for awhile and I just started my period. And he’s only home for a few days 🙃 I could bury myself right now. I’m super self conscious when I’m on my period like I won’t even let him touch my butt 😂

Yes we’ve done it while on my period but it’s like on the shower you know? I’m so uncomfortable with myself when I’m on my period. He doesn’t care at all. But we do things my way to keep me comfortable.

I need advice, tips idk maybe Jesus?

I don’t want to just do it in the shower after him being gone for so long but I get so embarrassed. I had a bad experience in my early 20s and my boyfriend at the time told me I was disgusting because we did it while I was on my period and of course you can only imagine what it looked like after. But being called disgusting really stuck with me.

But a girl just needs to be brave.

If you’re a guy, would you care?
Of you’re a girl, what would you do?

My girlfriend (29F) and I (31M) have been living together for about six months in a high-cost-of-living city. I own a paid-off car that I use mostly to commute to work a few days a week. She doesn't own a car and usually relies on public transit or rideshares.

When we first moved in, I told her she was welcome to borrow the car for big grocery runs or occasional errands. In the beginning, it worked out well—she’d use it for household trips, which benefited both of us.

However, over the last few months, her usage has escalated significantly. She now takes the car almost every weekend for personal outings (brunch, visiting friends across town, solo errands) and sometimes during the week while I’m working from home. It’s reached a point where I often have to check if my own car is available before making weekend plans, and a few times she’s taken it without letting me know beforehand.

She replaces the gas she uses, but I cover all maintenance, insurance, registration, and wear-and-tear.

The issue is that I tried to address this last night, but I think I handled it poorly. Out of frustration, I told her the car was strictly off-limits moving forward unless it was a shared household task or a genuine emergency.

She was deeply hurt and accused me of being cold and transactional. She pointed out that she uses the car for shared household errands and brought up that when she was doing better financially last year, she covered a larger share of a joint vacation without tracking costs. She feels like I’m treating her like a temporary roommate rather than a partner we’re building a future with.

I realize now that I created this problem by being too passive at first and then jumping straight to a total ban rather than setting realistic rules earlier on. At the same time, I feel taken advantage of and need my space and property respected.

How can I walk back my total ban without backing down on my need for boundaries? What’s a fair way to structure car sharing with a partner so both people feel respected?

I (F29), and my ex is 26M. We have a 7-year-old daughter together. We haven't been together for a while, but we've always tried to do what's best for her, and he's been an important part of her life.

A few days ago, he got into a serious motorcycle accident. I got the call and went straight to the hospital. When I got there, I found out he was in really bad shape. He's currently on life support, and the doctors aren't sure if he's going to make it.

Honestly, I still haven't really processed any of this. No matter how things ended between us, I never wanted anything bad to happen to him. He's only 26, and the thought of our daughter possibly losing her father is something I can't wrap my head around.

Our daughter knows her dad was in an accident, but she doesn't understand how serious it is. She keeps asking when he's coming home, and I don't know what to tell her. I've been telling her that he's in the hospital and the doctors are helping him, because I don't want to scare her. But I also don't want to keep giving her the impression that everything is going to be okay when I honestly don't know if it will be.

I want to let her see him, but he's hooked up to machines, and I'm worried about how she'll react. She's only seven. I don't want her to be frightened or have that be the image she remembers of her dad, but I also don't want to keep her away from him if there's a chance she could see him again.

His family has been at the hospital, and I've been trying to be there as much as possible while still taking care of our daughter. It's hard because I have to keep going about my day and make sure she's okay, even though I'm scared myself.

I never thought I'd be in this position. We aren't together anymore, but he's still someone I care about, and he's the father of my child. I don't want him to die. I don't want our daughter to grow up without him, and I don't even know how I'd begin to explain something like that to her.

I feel terrible even thinking about the possibility that he might not recover, but I can't help it. The doctors haven't given us any real answers yet, and waiting without knowing what's going to happen is probably the hardest part.

Would it be better to let her visit him in the hospital, or should I wait until we know more? And how do I prepare myself for the possibility of losing him while he's still fighting for his life?

I'm (21) from my dad's first marriage. He and my mom divorced and then she died when I was 6. My dad remarried a few months after my mom's death but again they were divorced. My half sister's mom was always just my dad's wife and then my half sister's mom. I never really liked her. She was jealous of my ongoing contact with my mom's side of the family and she was jealous of the fact I would make Mother's Day pictures and cards for my mom's grave in school but I didn't make any for her. And she was jealous that I corrected when she told my teacher she was my mom because she felt like mom being dead should make it no big deal.

She also wanted me to start calling her mom when my half sister was born so there would be no confusion. I think I told her to go to hell which I was punished for. But it added more strain between us.

Then when I was 14 she planned to go to her family's place for several days before and after Mother's Day which was out of town. She insisted I needed to be there to celebrate her with dad and my half sister. I didn't want to miss out on visiting my mom's grave on Mother's Day so I ran away to my grandparents house and I kicked up a fuss not to go back with my dad until they came back from his wife's house. After that his wife was pissed the whole time and she dropped the rope in some ways but there was always tension when we're alone together or in the same conversation because she is waiting for the day I apologize for embarrassing her in front of her family by not coming and I have no intention of ever doing that.

My half sister notices the issues with me and her mom. She also notices we hardly ever interact now and her mom is never invited to my home. So when my dad comes by once or twice a week and brings her she will question me on it and she will tell me I should be nicer to her mom and I should treat her mom like she's mine because mine's dead and everyone needs a mom and it's not fair if I don't like her mom because then we're not real sister's because she loves her mom. She has called me a bitch and she has tried to mess with my photos because her mom is never in any of them. The last time they came over (last week) she yelled at me for putting up a photo of me and my parents before their divorce and she tried to pull it down.

I made my dad leave with her. We talked and he said he'll get her to apologize next time and I told him I don't want her in my home. He said she's my sister and he's doing all the work I should be doing to have a relationship with her. We argued and I am seriously considering telling him not to come if he insist on bringing her.

But I don't know if that's the right move.

My niece is from my brother's first marriage. Her mom died when she was 8. My brother remarried when she was 10. He has three children with his second wife. My niece's mom had a collection of stuffed animals that she gave to my niece before she died. My niece treasured them and my brother had this bright idea that my niece had to give each of her half siblings one of the stuffed animals. My niece refused and after a few years of back and forth he gave them to the other kids anyway and within three months those stuffed animals were no longer in good condition.

My niece found out and every resentment she had about her dad remarrying and the existence of her half siblings was multiplied by a thousand. She told her dad she wished her half siblings were never born and she didn't even love them or consider them siblings and she told him she wished he had died instead of her mom because he wasn't good for anything and he betrayed her mom and her. She was screaming for hours according to him and that's why he asked if she could stay with me for a weekend. This was four months ago.

When it was agreed she would stay longer term I got her therapy. She was glad to have therapy. But she has said time and time again she is done with her dad and wants nothing to do with her half siblings.

My brother wants to work on reconciling and he asked me to help him with that. But I don't think I should push the issue. If I do I will alienate her from me and I'm the only family she's close to. Her mom was an only child and her grandparents are both deceased too.

But I was talking to a friend who said I should really encourage the reconciliation because she shouldn't hate her dad this much or hate her siblings for existing and to think about how sad it would be if she hates them forever for something they did as children.

I truly would like advice. I will be speaking to her therapist too. But my gut is telling me not to push it.

I am 34F. I met the grandson in a family I spend a lot of time with. He’s 24. He asked me to hang out and I went on a couple hikes with him. He now has a huge crush on me and is asking to hang out all the time.

I have a bit of a crush on him back, but I also just went through a breakup and am feeling some rebound energy. I’m finding myself wanting to spend time with him and I get a little flustered when he’s in the room.

This would all be fine, except his family talks, and they all know some of my friends. I know it would come out to all of them if I actually kissed him or had a fling with him. I can’t see myself in a serious relationship with him at all, so it would have to be established that this is a fling only… I’d be kind of embarrassed if everyone found out I had anything with him though, especially because I know I can’t be serious with him.

Should I just cut it off now?

​

I 25F found my Engagement ring box while cleaning a week before an anniversary trip with my now Fiance. Immediately after I found it I called my girlfriends and I was so upset i had ruined such a big surprise, we agreed I shouldnt tell my Fiance what happened since I didn't open the box and since my Fiance had worked so hard planning the proposal, that night when they got home I thought something was off with them but i assumed it was my own nerves. Flash forward to the end of our trip the most perfect proposal happened and I couldn't be happier. On the plane ride home my Fiance confided in me that they knew I found the ring THE DAY IT HAPPENED and told me what friend said something. I went through what felt like the 5 stages of grief, apparently my other friends were angry that she put it upon herself to tell but my fiance was more grateful since it had taken some weight off their shoulders. Should I confront my Friend for crossing a line? And do you thing she crossed a line?

I'm getting married early next year, and my fiance has always seemed so sweet and loving, I was always happy in our relationship. However, recently, I noticed how he'd always be at the gym and was always on his phone. I thought he was cheating, but got so confused when I looked through one of his group chats.

In the chat with some of his friends, they keep discussing about a girl at the gym and there's even photos of her (from the angle, they're secretly taken). I had no idea what the fuck was going on. The stuff they talk about is honestly so stupid too, it seemed like they were keeping track of when she goes to the gym and making fun of her.

I needed time to process and I wanted to investigate, so i started to head to the gym during that time too. I went during that time for 2 weeks and that girl is almost always there. Honestly, initially I thought she might be an attention seeker of some sort, but she was just there doing her own thing, modestly clothed, doesn't even talk to people. Most importantly, it doesnt seem like she even knows my fiance's friend group at all. I really wonder what the heck is going on.

What is even more unsettling was when I realized I was stalking the girl. (I completely stopped now, I apologize for this behavior) When i think about it, isn't this harassment? I am so off put by my own behaviour and the group chat, I've bottled it up to the point where I'm grossed out at the thought of having to marry him. I don't even know how to start a conversation about this. I feel like...this is so stupid, but this type of behavior might foster something even worse in the future. I know you guys might think this is a troll post, but this very unfortunately did happen and it sucks.

Any advice on how I should start this conversation with him?

At a family dinner last weekend, my sister's boyfriend got wasted, cornered me alone and straight up asked me to hook up in his car. I walked away immediately, and later he texted me trying to brush it off as a bad drunken joke. They just signed a one-year lease and are literally moving in together next week. If I tell her now with no solid proof, I might look like a liar ruining her life, but letting her sign up for this asshole feels ten times worse.

I live in a building and have 2 parking spaces allocated to my apartment.

They both used to be occupied by me and ex husband until our split last year. Ever since then, his spot (next to mine) has been vacant.

Over the past few weeks I’ve seen the same car park in the empty spot and I’m not sure which of my neighbors it is.

On one hand, I never ever use it and don’t have visitors often to need it. But on the other hand, why are they using it without my permission?

Should I say something or just let it go since I am not using it?

I only really think of this because she’s lied about things I’ve done to her physically that were specifically meant for her; about a week ago I asked if she wanted a massage(not under the pretense that it would lead to sex she had been stressed to the point of tears and thought it’d be relaxing) I prefaced the massage by telling her when something hurt to say stop or tell me and she agreed. I got to a spot on her thigh with some very light pressure and had made about three or four passes along the muscle before I looked up at her just to see her biting her lip in discomfort, I apologized and asked why she’s didn’t tell me and she kind of smiled and said “I don’t know”. And in a more sexual context 2 months ago we got into a disagreement/argument and she confessed that she didn’t enjoy when I asked to or gave her oral, she said it felt like nothing and really only did it because I liked it. To give more of a scope of we had been having sex for 9 months by that point and had been giving her head as a part of our foreplay routine, she would moan and give other physical signifiers that she was enjoying it and if I asked if she liked it she would say yes.

I (19M) have been overthinking a little about me and my gf’s (19F) sex life. As the title says I’m worried that she’s only having sex with me for my sake but can’t tell; I’ve started to think this way because she has never had an orgasm with me. I understand it’s much harder for women to have an orgasm and I also may just be unskilled at sex but the thought of her having sex for the sole reason of me liking it makes me feel dirty.

So what I would like to know is there any signs that I can look for that may show she’s not truly into our sex or if not any advice on how to go about starting a conversation without being lied to? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My mom has four kids. Me (16), my sister (11), brother (9) and sister (8). Our dad died two years ago from an OD. He and my mom both had the same problem. My mom is kinda sober right now. At least I think she is. She got married a few weeks ago and has been living with her husband for over a year. He has five kids and three that live with him full time and they are (8, 7 and 5). The oldest and youngest are boys and the middle is a girl.

My mom and her husband are poor and they can only afford a two bedroom apartment to rent. The second bedroom is the kids room and we're all supposed to share a bed. I was never cool with that so since we have started living together I sleep on the couch. My mom doesn't like it and she has always told me to go to my actual bed and I always refuse. When she doesn't get her way she will yell and curse at me.

CPS were called because of her yelling and they know what the living situation is but they never helped. We're still stuck in the apartment. There are some nights I sleep at a friends house (where I am right now) and she doesn't like that either but will sometimes take it over me on the couch.

I'm tired of the same shit over and over but I'm not sure if I can do anything to fix it. I don't have extended family to turn to. My friends parents don't mind a sleepover but would never agree to anything more frequent than sometimes. I'm also behind on schoolwork so I'm staying up late at my friends house to work on that and posting here for advice while I can access it.

I don't know if anyone can give me advice but I wanted to check. I have a part time job and I have my own savings that my mom can't touch since I opened my own bank account recently. But I don't make enough to emancipate myself. And I don't see us moving while I'm still under 18. Sorry this is such a rambling mess.

Every day it seems more and more people give in to AI which is just what the AI companies wanted. Many of us still hate it and don't want to be a part of it, but are being pushed into it in many ways.

How do you live in a world that simply isn't the world you knew anymore, where its values are opposite of your own? Everything in life that makes me happy is being devalued and deprioritized more and more by AI. Am I supposed to just give up on all of it?

I (26F) caught my boyfriend lying about having feelings for his girl best friend.

At the start of our relationship, I thought it was weird that everyone was confused when we got together and everyone thought my boyfriend would end up with his girl best friend. I didn’t think much of it at first until she told him that she was concerned about him cutting her off because of me. I then started questioning why everyone thought he would end up with her and apparently (after refusing to tell me multiple times) it was because he told everyone that whenever she touched him or acted flirtatious towards him that he fantasized about being in a relationship with her, all while she had a boyfriend. He additionally bought her flowers when she was in a heated fight with her boyfriend at the time, and he told me he didn’t know why or what possessed him to do that. While in our relationship, I asked him to establish boundaries with her, which he agreed to but then broke his promise and didn’t tell me. I then asked him if he ever had feelings for her and he told me no and that at the time he was fantasizing about being with her, he was just lonely. We continue to have more fights about this until I had enough of it and was about to break up with him since I didn’t want to put up with getting in between whatever they have together and all these lies. I guess he was afraid of losing me so he cut her off. A couple of weeks ago, his friend sent me text messages between him and my boyfriend from over a year ago, where my boyfriend says he’s in love with his girl best friend. I haven’t told him about the texts I saw. She’s out of the picture now, but I can’t help but still feel uneasy.

I’m really struggling with what to do, and I could use some outside perspective.

Hi all, someone who assaulted me last year will be at my family’s home for Halloween. Since the assault, I’ve gone no contact with this person and haven’t interacted with them. I would like to add that this person is a family friend, and he grew up together with my siblings, they’ve known each other since high school. Which makes the situation even more complicated.

My family means a lot to me, and I go to their home for every holiday. Spending time with them is important to me, which is why this situation is frustrating to me. I don’t want to miss out on time with my family or give up traditions that matter to me because of what someone else did. But the thought of being in the same space as the person who assaulted me makes me question whether going is worth it.

I haven’t told my family what happened. One of my siblings knows that something happened between us, but they don’t know the details or how serious it actually was.
The person hasn’t gone trick-or-treating in that area for a while, so this was unexpected. Now I’m left trying to decide whether I should go as usual or stay away to protect my own peace of mind.

What makes this even harder is that I’m afraid my family will blame me for what happened if I tell them the truth. I want to believe they would support me, but I’m scared of being questioned, judged, or having to defend myself over something that was done to me. Because of that fear, I haven’t felt comfortable opening up to them about it.

I feel stuck between wanting to be with my family and wanting to protect myself emotionally. Part of me feels like I shouldn’t have to be the one who stays away, especially when I’m the one who was hurt. Another part of me wonders if going would put me in a situation that I’m not ready to handle, particularly when my family doesn’t know why this person’s presence affects me so much.

I don’t know if I should just go and not say anything, or if I should simply stay away without explaining why, even though it’ll suck to miss a family gathering.

I’ve also wondered whether I should text my assaulter and ask them to stay away, but I don’t know if contacting them would make things worse or put me in an even more uncomfortable position.

What should I do in this situation?

I would really appreciate honest advice, especially from anyone who has experienced something similar.

EDIT TO ADD*\\

First, I just wanted to thank everyone for the quick feedback. I’m reading each and every comment, and I genuinely appreciate everyone taking the time to share their thoughts and experiences.

With that said, I wanted to add some details because I realize some people may be curious about what happened and why this situation is so complicated for me.

1. I was physically assaulted by him.

At first I wanted to keep the post simple but it wouldn’t have made sense if I didn’t give the whole picture of the situation.
Before telling this story he (assaulter) woke up next to his wife and his 1-year-old got out of bed, walked past his best friend (my fiancé) to do all of this.

My fiancé and I spent the night at their place after having a couple of drinks (we hung out a lot and this wasn’t the first time we spent the night). We also didn’t want to drive all the way home because they lived far away.

Before going to bed, I mentioned that I had something to do early the next morning and that we would probably leave without saying goodbye since they might still be sleeping. I didn’t want to wake anyone up. He asked what time we needed to get up, and I told him. He then said he would also be waking up early to work out and would wake us up if we weren’t already awake. I said that was fine.

My fiancé ended up falling asleep on the couch, so I slept in the guest bedroom.

The next morning, he knocked on the guest bedroom door, let himself in, and stared at me. He then straddled me and began choking me while making a comment implying that his wife liked being choked during sex.

He only stopped when his phone, which he had left on the kitchen counter, started going off. Only then he got off me to turn off the alarm.

Throughout the entire incident, I froze. I didn’t fight back or know how to react. Even now, I sometimes struggle with the fact that I didn’t do anything to stop him, although I’m learning that freezing was a response to what was happening, not a choice I made.

By this point, my fiancé was awake and was heading toward the guest bedroom. I managed to collect myself and, regrettably, told my fiancé in a joking manner that he had woken me up by choking me.

I now recognize that was stupid by trying to downplay what had happened , but I was experiencing a freeze and fawn response, and did not know how to process the situation in that moment.

I know some people might wonder, “Did your fiancé beat him up?”

No, he didn’t. This person was a childhood friend of mine. We used to roughhouse with each other growing up, so grappling and physical play were normal between us. Because I presented the incident as a joke instead of explaining what had actually happened, my fiancé initially understood it as playful behavior.

I regret not telling him the truth immediately, but I was in shock and didn’t know how to articulate what had happened. Once we got home and I had time to calm down, I told my fiancé the full story, and he understood the seriousness of the situation.

2. The wife knows the situation.

But she is complacent (not sure if that’s the right word) she is reliant on her husband and now that they have a child together it’s harder for her to leave even if she wanted to. She’s been very quiet and pretends that nothing happened, so I just left it at that.

3. I am an Asian woman, although I live in America, I grew up with the same strict traditional values. There is a lot of shame and prejudice that comes along with this situation. It is also ingrained that family is absolute and that outward appearance is everything.

I grew up with strict, traditional values, and there is a lot of shame and prejudice associated with situations like this in the environment I was raised in.

Family is often treated as absolute, and maintaining appearances can feel just as important as what happens behind closed doors. There can be immense pressure to keep the peace, avoid bringing shame to the family, and not disrupt relationships, even when someone has done something deeply hurtful.

I know that, logically, I’m not responsible for what he did. But knowing that and feeling safe enough to tell my family are two very different things.

Thank you again to everyone who has offered advice and shared their experiences. It means more than you know.

I’m 17 and earned 2k from a science research internship over the summer. The payment went into my mom’s bank account because I don’t have one, and she didn’t want to help me open one. Every time I bring up opening an account, she gets annoyed.

I’m a senior in high school and wanted to use some of the money for school expenses, college applications, and some new clothes since it’s getting colder. I have access to her cards, but I have to ask every time I want to use one. It’s frustrating having to ask permission each time when I earned the money myself.

She hasn’t explicitly said she’s keeping it, but I don’t have independent access to it, and I don’t know how to bring this up without it becoming an argument. I’m upset, but I really don’t want to fight with her over it.

How would you approach this? Is there a reasonable way to ask for access to my money even if she won’t help me open an account?

So just for abit of context, I (28M) am currently a musician and have been since I was 8 years old, my wife is a teacher and we recently welcomed 2 twin boys in June and we couldn’t of been happier.

I love being a musician but I have always wanted to be a firefighter and I’m able to do so as I can pass all the fitness tests to a high standard. I have always kept fit and try to go to the gym 4 times a week to maintain that fitness standard of a firefighter. It has always been my end goal and I finally want to take the step and apply when my local service next opens up its applications but my wife doesn’t want me too.

Once a week I make her a home cooked meal and we have a date night with candles and I buy her flowers. I decided I would talk to her about it then and tell her that’s what I was planning on doing and asking her if she would support me. I assumed she would be happy for me because she knows this has always been a dream of mine.

To my surprise she told me she didn’t want me to and told me I was selfish for wanting to and got up from the table and went to our room. I went up about 5 minutes later and brought her a cup of tea and asked her what she was worried about if I joined.

She told me that I would be risking our families stability and happiness because of it being a high risk job with possibilities of injuries and even death. I replied and told her that the gear is safe and you are always in pairs and the risks were a lot lower nowadays. She didn’t reply and we both went to sleep.

The next morning we followed our same routine, I wake up and deal with the twins and then make her breakfast. Well she came downstairs and told me that if I become a firefighter she would have to consider leaving me.

I will admit how I responded was out of anger and I’am ashamed, I just saw red and lost my shit. I shouted at her and told her that she was being a selfish bitch and that I had always supported her throughout all her choices and the unfair decisions she made for our wedding was selfish but I still supported her. We got into a massive argument probably the biggest we have ever had and it ended with her telling me if I pursued this then she would leave me and take the boys.

My wife and I have never had issues before, we have a great social life, lots of friends have Atleast one date a week if not more, our sex life is great and all of a sudden she threatens to divorce me because I want to change career.

Am I being selfish for wanting to change career?

I love my wife, and the twins and her mean the world to me and so much more and I don’t want to lose them but I don’t see myself being a musician forever and this is a job I know I can get and one that I really want.

What should I do?

Edit: I know this is soon but I want to make clear it would be as a firefighter in England

My sister was sexually and physically assault at the beginning of the year and it's change her a lot.

Which of course i understand, she is traumatized and i wasn't expecting her to be back to her old self soon or even ever actually.

But being around her, no matter how much i love her, is really really hard. She barely talk anymore. She has anger outbrust or just start crying. She haven't left the house since it happened beside to go to the hospital. There’s day when she doesn't left her bed...she doesn't do anything anymore.

And i love her so so much but i can't bare to be around her for more than 10 minutes and it's breaking my heart. It's just too hard to sit next to her and watch how miserable she is.

I'd love to have advices on what to do. I know it's a job i have to do on myself not her.

Thinking of popping the question. She is on board with the idea. We have known each other for 4 years almost and have always gotten along great. We aren't experiencing the typical ushy gushy honeymoon phase at all, and tend to be candid with our thoughts. We have moved in together and signed a lease together, and things are going great. What do you guys think?

My close friend of 5 years and me have honestly never had any issues prior to this situation, so I just need advice on where to go from here. My Reddit account is private, so only followers (?) I think, or people who look at the subreddit itself can see my posts. I made a post recently in this subreddit about her and her boyfriend and how I found out that her boyfriend actively says the N word, despite that being something that my friend really dislikes, and seeking advice as to whether or not I should tell her. She found the post somehow, and now her boyfriend is ripping on my boyfriend about it. I feel like it’s unfair though since reddit is meant to be anonymous, and so I feel like a lot of trust has been broken. She’s still with him as well, unfortunately.

I’m F19. My best friend M19 is going to the navy. I literally cried when he told me he’s leaving. He even wants me to write letters to him while he’s in training. Do I tell him I really wish he was more than a friend, even tho I know I won’t get to see him at all ever? is it worth possibly ruining a friendship? (but we go to pumpkin patches and skating and other date type things. We both have a deep connection and call till 2am every night since we’ve met) should I let it lie? pray about it? selfishly tell him that I love him and maybe he’ll pick a different branch?? I’m so heartbroken.

Context, my husband and I (23f) have been together since we were 15yr, and shared most finances/lived together for the past 6yrs. He recently decided (June 2026) he was going to enlist to give us a better future. I wasn’t fully on board but he wasn’t happy and had brought this up years ago, and I finally decided that I have no right to stop him from pursing this if it’s what he really wants.

We got married in August and I told him we could do as much fun stuff as possible until he left, even though we had been struggling financially, because I am very tight with money usually and watch every dollar spend and avoid letting debt hang around at all costs. I knew I would be putting a lot of it on cards, but planned to pay it off between both incomes and since he wouldn’t be using “fun money” until about June of 2027. I was aware of this and made him aware of my every move financially.

After he left at the beginning of October, I learned that he was a month behind on his car payment, and had to set up a payment plan for utilities at some point. I handled this and moved on. Next I learned he spent all his savings (our wedding gift money) on bullshit without telling me. Okay, whatever, I’ll fix it, I moved on. Well today I learned he didn’t tell me about a credit card that was over the limit (idk how far over, I don’t have access to the account, the card number, or any info besides the dollar amount. Which is barely shy of $4k).

Any advice on 1. How I should approach this with him? Because right now I’ve never felt so disgusted and betrayed. 2. How should I fix this? 3. Should I fix this at all? Or let it be his mess when it inevitably goes to collections? Any other advice or rude comments are greatly appreciated, because I feel dumb as fuck, but also this is extremely out of what I have thought was his character for the past 8 years.