honestly don’t even know how to process what happened tonight, and I think I just need to talk about it somewhere.

I went on a second date tonight with a guy I met on a dating app. He seemed really great, we were having a good time, and we ended up back at my place having consensual sex.

Then, in the middle of having sex, while he was behind me, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. This man was holding his phone sideways and recording himself having sex with me. I had absolutely no idea he was doing it. I had not consented to being recorded. I was consenting to sex, not to being filmed.

I immediately confronted him and screamed at him to get out. I made him show me that he had deleted the video, but obviously I have no way of knowing what happened to it or whether there are other copies. I called the police, and they came to my apartment and took a report. They have since left, and I’m sitting here trying to comprehend what the fuck just happened to me.

I’m genuinely traumatized by this. I keep thinking about how normal the evening felt before that moment and how quickly everything changed. I trusted this person enough to invite him into my home and be intimate with him, and I never imagined I would have to worry about something like this happening.

I don’t even know what to call what happened. Sexual violation? Nonconsensual recording? I know I didn’t consent to being filmed, but I’m struggling to wrap my head around the fact that someone I was willingly having sex with would do this without my knowledge.

The timing of this is also awful because I’ve already been struggling so much with work and burnout. I’ve been trying to figure out how to get my life to a more sustainable place, and now this has happened on top of everything else. I can’t even think straight right now.

I don’t know how to tell people about this. It’s such an uncomfortable, intimate thing to have to explain, and I don’t want to have to manage everyone else’s reactions while I’m trying to process my own. I know I need support, and I’m reaching out to my therapist, but I feel so overwhelmed.

Has anyone experienced something similar? How did you process it? How did you talk about it with friends or family without feeling like you had to explain every detail? And how did you deal with the uncertainty about whether the recording was actually deleted?

I don’t need anyone to tell me what I should have done differently. I did nothing wrong by trusting someone I was dating. I just genuinely don’t know what to do with all of this right now.
What the actual fuck.

Just as the title states, I(31F) am pregnant again. Wouldn't be the biggest deal but this is my third pregnancy in the last 3 years. I've been on birth control since I was 16, I've never wanted children. My partner (35M) doesn't want children. I take my birth control at 9PM every night, I work at the pharmacy so I know I'm not getting the wrong stuff or my partner is "tampering" with it or anything like that. The first one was a miscarriage, the second I got an abortion. And now here I am again. I don't know why this keeps happening. I live in Texas, my GYN doesn't even know I had an abortion because I'm terrified to tell her. I'm so nervous to tell my partner because we haven't even been having sex a lot recently so it's like we had sex twice in September and boom I'm fucking pregnant. I don't know what to do and I literally have no one I can talk to about this

Not looking for medical advice.

As soon as I turned 18 I went to the gynecologist by myself, for the first time. I’ve wanted birth control for a long time, for peace of mind and because of the rising price of condoms. I’ve had a few extremely stressful pregnancy scares, we use condoms almost every single time, but because of stress my periods have been delayed for a week or more in the past couple months, which leads to pregnancy scares and a lot of misery, especially when I know what my boyfriend of 1 year would leave me if I were to ever get an abortion (I would regardless of what he’s feeling).

I wanted a non hormonal IUD. My boyfriend is not too keen on unnecessary medication and effects on hormones, so he convinced me to pursue non-hormonal options instead. The gynecologist said that IUDs are dangerous if I haven’t given birth before, that they will perforate my ‘small’ uterus and/or will lead to bacteria and infection, as well as affect my lifetime fertility. He asked me if I wanted to ever have children and I said yes, he said I probably wouldnt be able to if I get an iud.

He took a pap smear and told me to go get an ultrasound. I was like ok, and also told him I’ll think about my options. And the next time I was at him for the results of the pap smear. I havent had the ultrasound yet due to long waiting times, so I asked him if this was necessary for birth control, he said no, theres a possible deformation. I said okay I will go do it, I’m not sure what he saw at the previous exam but whatever.

As a side note a couple days ago my mom told me I had ultrasounds as a kid and teen before and rhat they were all fine, I was even tested for my hormone levels and they’re all good as well. I did not remember this until she told me. Also, I know what my gynecologist was saying was mostly outdated and incorrect, but he’s the only gynecologist in my area that doesn’t have a waiting time of months. I understand why now. I’m also too broke for private doctors, I’m a student.

I told him that im willing to explore hormonal options like the arm implant (he scared me out of the iud). He said he’s glad and we will see after i get a transvaginal ultrasonography. I was concerned about a deformation or disease so i waited 2 months for an ultrasonography, 2 grueling pregnancy scares and delayed periods during that time, it was extremely stressful.

Keep in mind I do use condoms, we weren’t really that serious about it before but the impact on our mental health was awful so we’re more serious now. Still, I don’t really like condoms. You have to buy them, hide them, keep them with you, put them on, and it does ruin the mood a little.

Today at my appointment, now that I’ve gotten an ultrasonography that confirms I have absolutely nothing wrong with my organs, I go to my appointment. I ask him about the arm implant. he says that it’s unsafe and he hasnt seen any succesful arm implants in his career, that he 'doesn’t agree with them' and won’t do the procedure. He said i will be bleeding all the time due to it, and that it will wreck my menstrual cycle permanently. Mind you I’m a healthy individual.

He suggested birth control pills, something that also uses hormones, he said there’s only 28 pills or something for a month and that he can write a perscription right now if I want. I really don’t want them due to the price and the having to remember everyday. He asked me why I want and IUD and an implant anyway and said I can go find another doctor.

I’m so frustrated, more than 2 months, so much stress already and pregnancy scares, and quite a bit of money, to say that I’m frustrated and angry would honestly be an understatement. Has anyone else dealt with a doctor like this? I guess I have to wait months to find and go to another gynecologist!

edit: P.S sorry if it wasn’t clear, as I said I’m serious about the whole condoms thing now!! The periods being delayed are what stresses me out the most, and the fact that condoms can fail. I was a dumb 17-year-old who forgo them sometimes, but I’m really trying my best out here and make smarter decisions.

And I know my relationship is not the healthiest, this is not the worst of issues we got, but I’ve decided to give it some more time. I really do love him despite our ups and downs. If push comes to shove I will of course do what I have to.

edit 2: I did not ask for relationship advice🥹 That was not the point of this post. We’re all strangers here and as much as my boyfriend and I can disagree, leaving is a big decision and it’s one will not make just because of this post/comments. There’s only a couple sentences about my relationship and I asked for your experience, if you want to give relationship advice I suggest looking at the rules of this sub.
I love him and we have our share of problems just like anybody else. Again, not the point of this post. Somehow everybody’s assuming my boyfriend’s making medical decisions for me!! Re-read the post please. I’m not the best girlfriend in the world either. We’re young and foolish. We will grow. Whether that’s together or not. Again, that’s irrelevant..

Last night was the Ballon D'or ceremony which is the biggest football (soccer) awards ceremony of the year. Think the Academy Awards but for football. There are various different awards but the two 'main' ones are Men's winner and Women's winner. This year Alexia Putellas won the women's award, with Harry Kane winning the men's.

The comments online about and during the acceptance speeches are STARK. Men online complaining about Alexia's speech being "too long" , "omg she won't shut up", "Ballon D'or for talking". When Harry Kane was speaking "YES HARRYYYY" .

She spoke for 6 minutes 50 seconds in 3 different languages
He spoke for 10 minutes 45 seconds in English

Yet Alexia is the gabby one.

Just a reminder that you can be voted as being literally the best in the world at what you do, be handed a golden trophy on a stage, only for men to still complain "omg she talks too much" when you're getting your moment to speak.

​

The men I've known were not all bad, but the people who hurt me were mostly men.

You will never win the contest of being the hottest woman alive, and that should be a relief. I stopped trying and started wearing what satisfies me. In my experience, most people care far less about your clothes than you think.

Beautiful women get cheated on too. I learned that it says more about the person cheating than about how hard you try. Trying harder to look a certain way never protected me.

I used to believe that being desired was something I had to earn and keep. I now see that being wanted and being valued are two different things, and I stopped confusing them.

Learn what limerence is and how to recognize it. It can sneak up on you, and I wish I had known sooner.

Good people exist. I've met a few, and they are worth far more than the ones who made me work for scraps.

Be careful with your photos. If you ever share something private, assume it could be seen by more people than you intended. I wish someone had told me that.

After my pregnancy, I learned how much hormones and exhaustion change your body and your desires. I wish I had been more prepared for how much support I would need, and I recommend having a plan that does not depend on one person.

Trying to be what someone wanted never made them love me. It only left me feeling used. I stopped chasing approval from people who were never going to give it.

I learned that some people can lie convincingly and play a long game. Trust actions over words, and give it time.

Casual encounters left me feeling empty. That might not be true for everyone, but it was true for me, and I wish I had listened to myself sooner.

Everyone who ever hit me hit me again, more than once. If someone has hurt you, believe what they show you

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/alexander-brothers-sentenced-sex-trafficking/

I (F21), am fresh out of university and have just started my first serious office job.
During one of my first weeks an older guy (around 50) started talking to me. I thought he was just being friendly and it was just stuff like "how's your day". He works in a different department so I only really see him in the halls/during lunch.

All was fine until one day, during lunch, it was just me and him and he started asking a bunch of personal questions, including if I live alone and where. I thought that was odd but brushed it off until he started talking about how he hates talking to people and how the room we were in is one of the only ones without cameras and how my name is pretty, and I just got such a creepy feeling. After this I started to try and keep our conversations as short as possible.

Yesterday he came into the office space where I work while I was in a meeting with headphones on and started chatting, obviously I was busy and couldn't chat, he then left.

Fast forward to this morning, as I'm walking to my office I hear someone running up behind me and feel them grab my arm. I realise it's the same guy as he walks in front of me and stands incredibly close, blocking the door to my office. He starts saying how he's sorry that I'm mad (he thinks this because I didn't chat with him during my meeting) and grabs my arm again and tries to go in for a hug??? He then asks if I want to go somewhere to eat with him during lunch and this whole time there's noone else in the office and I just can't believe this random man twice my age tried to pull me in for a hug.

I feel so unnerved by this situation and I've only been working this job for 2 months and I have no idea if I'm overreacting or what but I've been feeling unwell the whole day. Until now all my colleagues have been women my age.

Sorry if this doesn't make sense, English isn't my first language and I'm still feeling unwell.

It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me. I’m in a new relationship of two months and it’s happening again. He is making fun of some things I say, calling me weird/autistic, and even making fun of the food I keep in my house. This always happens to me at some point. I never make fun of them. If you don’t like me anymore just break up with me. I just cannot do this anymore. Why are they so mean?

there is this junior of mine who is really good at chess like really good to the point he thinks he is above everybody. last year when I asked him if we could practice together for our sports meet, I couldn't win a single match against him and when i asked him if we could together someday even after our sports meet, he straight up ignored me

now coming back to the current timeline, he reached out to me in chess.com and said he wanted to play with me. i haven't played as much as I used to but i said yes. but he was just trying to make a fool out of me. "try to play serious for once" "i can play without my queen" "you wouldn't be able to win even if i play without my queen" like he was just blatantly disrespectfu and was just messing around with me. i couldn't stand it and asked him why he was playing with someone like me in the first time if he knew I wasn't as good as him and you know what he said "i just want to practice how to checkmate with my rook and my king while playing with you" and that was it. i didn't want to be used like a prop for someone's hobby so i didn't accept any of his challenge req after that. i played for one whole hour and ignored his lame ass. and today he removed me as his friend as his fragile ego couldn't handle it lmao. what a fcking joke.

he is lucky that I've already graduated. men needs to stop with their god complex, you're not special.

I was outside trying to figure out how to turn on my water heater when I heard a faint flirtatious whistling sound. You know, the classic "woo-woo" except, they weren't good at it. I turned around to where the sound was coming from and saw the neighbor in te window quickly duck out of sight. Creeped out I started walking back inside only to hear them do it again.

I didn't get a good look at the face, they moved away too fast. They could have been a teenager or a kid but they seemed adult height judging by where they were in the window.

I've heard the voices of a woman and little girl (probably a toddler) coming from that house before.

Whatever the case it made me really uncomfortable. I'm an adult woman but I'm 4'10" and I was wearing baggy clothes, I could have easily passed as a teenager from that far away which makes it even creepier.

What would you do in this situation? Confront them or hope it doesn't happen again?

Edit: I'm doubly uncomfortable because of the way the houses sit, this neighbor has direct line of sight into my kitchen and home. Now I feel like I have to be hypervigilant and keep my curtains closed all the time. ):

I was diagnosed with lupus 12 years ago. I luckily have been in drug free remission for 2 years now. I live in a blue state, but a rural part of a blue state

However, the entire time I was sick and diagnosed, doctors told me I cannot get pregnant, its a 50/50 chance that lupus will get better or it will get worse. I have a blood clotting disorder with lupus, so anytime I had surgeries, it was an extra step to do even a gallbladder surgery (for example)

When I was in the throngs of my illness, I asked for sterilization. I saw multiple doctors in my 20s, and they all told me I was too young to make such a big decision (even tho I have an incredible disease, with added complications)

Now I'm 32 years old, Ive had ovarian cysts rupture 3 times since may, and Ive had cysts monitored since February (obviously theres pain, and other symptoms to go to the doctor/er)

I went to a surgeon today- he said its ridiculous Ive had to wait until Im older to get the tubal removal surgery, especially considering but also, the FDA didnt have long term info when they green lit IUD's they didnt look past 2 years- he told me many women around my age (early 30s) have had the same side effects and its frustrating to him, because he has to follow the guidelines (which i understand) but my surgeon said "youre basically a lab rat until they have enough information to change what theyre doing"

he went through past logs with me- one said "patient <25> has 50% chance of having pregnancy to completion, with complications, does not need sterilization because of age." i was denied any kind of surgeries ive asked for- and was given the IUD.

im thankful my surgeon is on the same page as me- he said because of the current commander in chief, i have to wait at least 30 days to get my sick reproductive organs taken out, because they require the woman to understand that its a permanent decision- he said if i was a man, id probably get in tomorrow- but now i have to go back to my primary doctor (who i just saw last week to get this referral) to do a pre-op appointment before the surgery thats in December to take out my sick reproductive parts.

ETA: im in a rural part of a well known always blue state

I have lost 30lbs since mid May. Starting out I was at 335lbs and now I am 305lbs. I am trying to recover from my binge eating disorder and lose weight. I am working with a psychiatrist, bariatric doctor, and therapist. I was put on Metformin and Vyvanse to help and I have learned a lot within these months. I learned a lot about portions, what real hunger is, what life is like without constantly thinking about food and eating, I learned I don't need to finish a meal and I can throw it out, I became aware of emotional eating and my triggers behind it, I even stopped myself many times before binging, and I can no longer stomach what I used to eat and how much I ate. I think these are very valuable things to know.

But throughout those months there have been relapses and setbacks. Which honestly, I don't really have hard feelings for because the situations I was being put in were not good such as moving back in with parents and a lot of family issues.

My boyfriend seems unimpressed by my weight loss and thinks I should've lost more. He says I should've went to the gym and ate healthier. That I should've been meal prepping and weighing all my food. I was already nervous before telling him because I also thought that maybe I am making too slow progress with weight loss and this made me very sad. For a lot honestly. Because I feel I have made actually decent progress in terms of this eating disorder and I'm actually really happy that I binge way less and I feel I learned a lot and it's been entirely dismissed and he probably didn't even consider it. I don't know. I just feel this sucks in a way. Because he is right, but I also think I accomplished things...

TW: Deep fake, non-consensual, minor at time of incident.

I'm lost for words. I don't know what to say. The whole thing is just disgusting from the start to the finish and what the court ended up deciding is just the cherry on top of this horrible thing.

The girl's life is ruined. She is never going to fully recover from seeing what she saw. Of what he did.

I am so mad!

Not to mention neurodiversity was used as a reason to not sentence as harsh. That hurts every neurodiverse person, being on the spectrum it makes this whole thing even worse.

My first colonoscopy prep starts tomorrow, and I’m wondering what to expect and when to expect it. How soon will things start moving once I’ve taken my pills and how long will it last? I live in a tiny apartment so I’m pretty close to the bathroom, but should I lay a sheet or something down on the sofa just in case? I’ve been following the low-residue diet since Monday. Thanks and sorry for the TMI. EDIT: THANK YOU to everyone I haven’t gotten to! I feel much better about tomorrow.

hey guys , i wasn’t active on this platform for a week and it’s actually because i was involuntarily admitted to a psych ward against my will . basically i was groped by one of the male patients there and nothing was done about it and my dad was the one who brought me to that hospital with full knowledge that this could have happened. i am mentally and physically weaker than when i first entered that place with a deep distrust of their kind (males) even more . i am traumatized beyond belief . please guys if you ever struggle with mental help request to be in a woman’s only ward so you dont go through what i did …

For the last 5-6 years, my pap smears have been positive for the HPV strain that can be linked to cancer. As a result, I have to get annual testing, go for a colposcopy, and usually have to get a cervical biopsy as well.

I had a LLETZ procedure one year, but have not needed to any other year.

Anyway, I find the biopsies painful. I have expressed this to the doctors, and even wrote to the health minister of our state about it, and that it's ludicrous pain relief isn't offered. It was suggested to me that I should take paracetamol.

I need to know that I'm not alone here. Do others also find them painful and the doctors are all just dismissing these claims (as usual)? Or am I just particularly sensitive?

Some time back, one of my friends/ new acquaintance in my new city told me something that I could not shake off to this day. We were having a girls' sleepover and were playing drunk Truth & Dare, and I was having a blast meeting such cool people. During one of my turns, I chose Truth, and I got asked, 'What's your biggest fear in relationships?'

Now, I had been through some gut-wrenching similar experiences of being emotionally/physically betrayed, and so I answered, 'betrayal'. To which she asked me for more details in between just the 2 of us, and I, being under the influence of alcohol and good vibes, gave a brief of my dating history. After listening to me, she kinda derisively (I might be wrong, but that's how I felt) smiled and asked, 'So, why do you always choose such men?' I started feeling very vulnerable suddenly, as I didn't have an appropriate answer to her question cause honestly, why do I not see the signs? How can I fail at this every single time? She's a few years older than me and has been in a relationship from a very young age, almost a decade now, which is impressive from my pov. She obviously knows the art of choosing wisely, and idk, maybe she was trying to make me aware of my own actions, and probably it was said in good faith, but I cannot help but shake the feeling of being uncomfortable every time I see her ever since.

To date, I regret sharing the deets with her, but at the same time I cannot help but question myself-- what if she is right and it's kinda my fault that I choose the wrong people, as it's been proved time and again. Is there a way to learn how to choose wisely?
But I still cannot entirely digest her question cause it made me feel kinda accountable for failing at relationships, and also because she closed the conversation with the age-old, 'dw tho, yk it happens when you're least expecting it' in a very dismissive way, which again, I wanna give her the benefit of the doubt as said in good faith, but most women in LTR genuinely do not understand how annoying this phrase starts to sound to someone who has been burnt one too many times!

Showering used to be nothing. You know, I’d just… take a shower. Now my brain a body feel like showering is some big thing and I find myself procrastinating showering. I don’t get it. It’s so simple.

I get that mental health and crap can make people feel this way, but like. WHY. It’s a shower for goodness’ sake, I feel disgusting for wanting to avoid basic personal hygiene.

[TW] Verbal Abuse Mention

I (30sF) was at McDonalds today and a couple was sitting beside me (they looked early 20s). The couple was straight. The woman kept talking down to her boyfriend, saying things like “are you trying to make me mad on purpose or are you just that stupid?” (She had a cracked phone screen and they were discussing whether the screen or just the protector were broken. He was very soft spoken so I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but she was explaining to him in a rude fashion abt how just bc the screen protector is broken doesn’t mean the screen can’t also be broken, if this matters). She just kept calling him stupid in different ways, then said smth along the lines of “you’re lucky I’m with you bc I’m the only one who would put up with your stupidity.” She also was calling him names, I don’t remember what it was exactly, something like “fuck-head.” It was upsetting to listen to, but I was worried that if I said something it would only make things worse for him. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. What do you think would be the best thing to do in that situation?