I’ve been writing and rewriting this post a lot over a couple of days so I apologize if this comes out as a hefty stream of consciousness.

I have a really big issue with envy to be honest. It fluctuates depending on the person and situation, but it’s genuinely exhausting. My problem these days is with one of my closest friends.

I moved to a different city for a job opportunity about two years ago. I barely knew anybody in this new city, and I was still navigating it all. After a couple of weeks of working at the new job, he started working there as well.

I don’t struggle making friends, and I always blend in easily and socialize, I guess I’m a likable person and I try my best to make people feel seen and heard. We became friends almost immediately. He’s 12 years older than me, so I found myself always seeking his advice and picking his brain about stuff.

Over time we became closer and closer, he introduced me to his friends and family, I became close with all of them, and they consider me to be part of the family. His mother keeps calling me her second son.

He’s charming, supportive, funny, always available, navigates problems so easily, very confident, extremely helpful and hardworking.

I could go on for days on all the ways he’s perfect, inside and out.

He’s very good looking, soft hair, enchanting smile in a way that is inviting and warm, very handsome and physically fit, he could put a trash bag on and it would look good on him.

He has the most perfect family; loving, supportive, always there.

He’s got an amazing work ethic, and can problem solve to oblivion.

He’s very confident and self assured, sensitive and empathetic.

All women love him and want him, wherever we go they keep checking him out, and he gets in relationships so easily and very gracefully.

Ever since we became friends, he’s always been there for me, always provided advice and a helping hand. I never really felt lonely in the city or like a stranger. He provided a very safe space for me to vent and talk about anything without any judgement. He corrects me when I make mistakes and makes it a point for me to be better.

I, on the other hand, am short, frumpy, fat, ugly with a big nose and glasses.

I’m still a virgin at 24, and I keep getting rejected over and over to the point where it’s humiliating. I keep trying so hard and keep failing even harder. A girl once told me that I was too fat and ugly to be talking to her, and another once genuinely laughed at me for approaching her.

I never really felt confident in my body or my looks, I’ve never been confident all around. I try hard to dress well, and I’ve been hitting the gym consistently lately but I’m still the same ugly slab of meat. I hate looking in the mirror and I don’t like the way I look in pictures.

It took me so much time to realize that I might have a likable personality, and I still have a hard time believing that people actually like me.

I envy my friend so hard, he’s literally a perfect human being all around. I just wish that I could swap lives with him for a day, just so I can see what it’s like.

I put in four times as much effort just to look mediocre at best, while he simply wakes up perfect.

I know I’m not jealous, I’m genuinely happy for him and wish him all the best, but why can’t I be like him? Why am I stuck in this lumpy hideous body?

It physically hurts me thinking about how much I’m missing out on just because I’m so frumpy unattractive and unconfident.

I look up to him so much and want to be like him in every single way imaginable.

I keep comparing myself to him and I’m nowhere near and I don’t think I’ll ever be even close.

It’s really hard form not to feel unlovable and extremely unwanted right now, and that’s something I’ve been struggling with all my life.

I feel very isolated and in my head with no way out, and I’m intensely aware of how rejected and insignificant I am.

How can I not envy him when I see him everyday, we hang out every day, and all my friends are either related to him or close friends with him? I fear this might turn to jealousy and develop to resentment and maybe hatred.

Is there a way out of these feelings or am I doomed to stay like this for all of eternity?

Wake up at 5. No, sleep matters more. Track everything. Don't track, it creates pressure. Start small. Go all in. Never miss twice.

Every one of those works for somebody, which is why it keeps getting repeated. The trouble starts when you stack all of it into one plan. You end up running a routine that belongs to nobody, and when it falls apart you blame yourself instead of the plan.

"Never miss twice" is the one I think about most. It assumes a missed day is a small dent you bounce back from. For me it isn't. When I miss a day there's honestly about a 95% chance the whole habit goes, not just the next day. So advice that's built around the comeback doesn't do much for me. The part that matters for me is everything before the miss.

Same with my evenings. My mind races at night, so my wind-down has a few steps that each exist for that one reason. Someone who falls asleep easily would find most of it pointless, and they'd be right.

So the question I try to ask now isn't "is this good advice?" It's "what problem was this written for, and do I actually have it?"

Has a popular piece of advice ever just not fit you, even though it clearly works for other people?

Have you ever felt like wanting to do something, like taking action to change things, but you are so mentally low that you cannot really take any action, even if you are willing to?
I am facing this same thing. I know I need to do things, I need to take action, but I just can’t. I can’t.
I am so disturbed that I just can’t think of anything positive. I don’t know if this is normal or not. Whatsoever. But I can’t think of a way out of this. I am not taking action, I am crying. I am just not trying to get myself into one. I don’t know what is happening.
I am just lying, thinking, not doing anything, when I know I should be doing things. I am not seeing anything with a positive side. I cry over every minute problem.
I am zoning out on every topic. No fun, nothing, nothing. My skin looks dehydrated. I have lost my spark.
And the worst part is, I know I need to take action towards my problems, and I even know the solutions, yet I am not.

It’s been almost a year of no alcohol! I’m really proud of myself and I wanted to look back to see if there was a change. Everybody’s always posting before and afters… and it’s always for the better. I was met with intense emotions because for me it’s the opposite. I look dull, sad, like my light went out whereas when I was drinking I was glowing, full of energy. I haven’t shared with many people around me I even got sober and if I do I downplay it like “just taking a year off”because I think I have shame for even needing to stop drinking. I know deep down I can never be a “social drinker” so when I even think of maybe a few won’t hurt after a year I shut it down! So needless to say this new-ish journey has been very isolating and posting this is probably my first conversation about sobriety and I’m not sure what I’m even asking.

I don't know how to start this.

So the thing is, I don't take my life seriously enough. And probably in the future, I still won't take my life seriously.

In my academics, I haven't scored enough always. From the second sem to fifth sem, I still have backlogs. There have always been two subjects, three subjects, and so on. I have never been to catch up. All here every time. From the second sem to fifth sem.

I want to say that from next sem companies are coming to our colleges and I won't able to apply for the companies because companies don't allow active backlogs. I already know about the active backlogs criteria. But still, I don't even feel motivation, discipline that I will get.

There is no motivation or discipline in me to improve. I haven't seen any.

Okay, for example, let's suppose that in the next six months or next four-five months. I still have backlogs when companies start visiting. I won't able to apply. At that point, I'll feel bad because I would have missed so many opportunities but I don't think I would regret it.

I have seen so much worst in my academics. What's the worst that I have seen in my career? I am fucking 12th fail. I have given 12th twice in my life. That's my biggest struggle of my life. I was so low at that and still I somehow overcome that and chooses but BCA instead of Btech.

Somehow, I just don't know. I just don't know. I just feel at the wrong place always. I never thought this would be my place. I keep thinking that something nice that's coming for me. Let's say something bigger that's coming for me, but it's never. It's never.......

I still have to think, I won't be able to apply for companies. I don't care. That's the fact I don't care.

Fuck dude. I already knew I won't be able to apply companies and I knew it. I just know I won't able to apply. I know this is gonna happen with me. Maybe something in the future that is holding me back. I just don't know.

There is a backup option for me that is a master's for sure. But will it work out? We just don't know.

I don't have any motivation to study or to do anything.

If I don't achieve anything by the age of 30, I don't care. Because my dad has a pension. I think he can pretty much survive on that pension. i can just work on the delivery partner or something like that. I will survive for myself. I don't care my parents. They can just live there and have a happy life.

I don't even want to start a family. I'm not interested in that.

But still, something is holding me back. I don't know what the fuck is holding me back, but something is.

Maybe I'm not good at academics. Maybe other things? like sports or something else. No. I'm terrible at almost everything. I feel like I am the dumbest person in the room.

I still know what to do with my life now. I don't know what I want for myself.

Fuck. I am such a big loser man. I am fucking such a big loser.

Yeah, that's it.

Ps: My exams went so bad of sem 5 I knew I am getting backlogs. I'm just done with my life......

Hi, I'm 24(F) from a suffocating developing country. Since childhood, I've had health issues such as severe eczema, asthma, which resulted in me completely isolating myself. No adult around me helped me to get out of it by seeking professional help or consistently helping me to develop a life outside the illness and bullying and having no friends.

These are the same people who hide behind the excuse of them not knowing better. No matter how hard I try to accept this, i can't. My logic basically is that if someone's health is at stake, you don't expect them to react to verbal, physical and emotional abuse about them acting like a sick person.

I developed some insane patterns of manipulation, lying through my teeth, relying too much on my emotions, and naturally developed abandonment issues and a low low self esteem.

I've recently had a major wake up call that's pushing me into becoming a better person. I'm highly neurodivergent, and I'm struggling to develop boundaries between my emotional self and my logical self. Failure to do so usually. ends with me being completely unsatisfied, mad at the world, and I basically start acting like a teenager again.

What do I do?

Hello, I'm 18 and I wanted to seek advice or thoughts because I feel like I should be working towards a life in which I focus on the things that matter to me, but recently I haven't been able to do so, and I don't know why.

I have stopped sleeping at a reasonable hour, I train just barely enough to maintain my physique but not enough to actually progress. Every day I try to distract myself with meaningless activities like doomscrolling or watching adult content or playing stupid games (not even good ones). I know I'm actively wasting my time, and I try to get back on track but I never seem to stay focused long enough.

Either that, or I'm on dating apps, talking to people I do not really care about in a very bad attempt at silencing the emptiness I feel.

I want to start doing back the things I loved doing; training, drawing and learning new stuff.

What helped you the most to get your life together, even when things get tough? I'd love to get advice or your opinion, I want to change.

Hello, my (20) best friend (20) is in an unfortunate situation. It is a bit complicated, and mostly irrelevant. Basically, she will be moving in with me for about a month or two before heading east to live with her partner once they can both afford it.

She currently lives with her parents (specifically mother and step father, bio dad is horribly abusive), in a trailer on the side of their house. She’s not isolated necessarily, but it is very lonely. Whenever she wants to sleep in the house, she is told no. After a nasty breakup from a toxic relationship, which was traumatic in many ways, my friend spent a long time wallowing away in that little trailer, weed and guitar and her friends being her only salvations. We have discussed how that trailer has become nearly dreadful, and in her own words, “the worst depression hole of my life.”

Basically, we are both setting aside some money for when she arrives. It will not be much. But I am hoping, aside from gas and equipment we need for a project in the works, we can spend some of that money on making her room at my house actually enjoyable or relaxing. I know it is not for long, but I figure she can just take things with her when moves in with her partner.

What are things that you all think this room could use? It is not big at all, and a lot of the space is already being used for our said “project in the works.” But lighting, bedding, decoration ideas, even fun curtains as the room is missing them, any ideas like that would be deeply appreciated.

I know this probably sounds reckless to a lot of older folks on this subreddit, especially given my friend and I’s mutual status as young adults. But we are determined, and are taking many precautions before this step. I have known her many years, all of which feel blessed. The side comments about our project likely will not help any doubts. But please refrain from discouraging comments. Thank you.

TLDR: Friend is moving in the spare room for a few months, how to make that room feel more comfortable after years and years of severe depression and PTSD?

Hi, after my recent therapy session, in which my therapist pointed out how I have a commitment issues, I have been wondering how I can work on that. Any project I have committed myself to over the years, more often than not I have given up or quit, particularly when it has gotten hard or when I found that I am not making progress. I appear to want to do things my way, and when things go my way I am happy and when they don’t, I give up or quit.

I, of course, also suffer from self esteem issues and it appears no matter how hard I try to be good at something, I can’t. Maybe I don’t try hard enough? I am scared to take on new responsibilities or challenges, maybe I feel I am not capable. I am not someone who likes to take on challenges. I am also someone who wants things instantly but perhaps without all the hard work or having to wait?

But all this appears to contribute to my habit of “chickening out” of things, giving up, or quitting. I don’t want to get out of my comfort zone. And when I fail, I beat myself over it mentally. Failure is an old friend, I have been failing my whole life academically. I am not like the other kids who are achievers.

How do I fix this? I even want to quit therapy because I am not sure what I want from it or if it’s a good idea to continue. I am indecisive, I don’t know what I want.

I’ve been struggling with constant overthinking, social anxiety, fear of rejection, and being hyperaware of myself around people. I’m genuinely scared of people my own age sometimes, and it’s affecting my ability to study, socialise, concentrate, take risks, and feel like myself. I feel much better away from my usual environment, but I can’t tell whether I need a change of environment or activities or need to work on my anxiety.

I want to stop obsessing over whether people like me, become comfortable with being alone, rebuild my confidence, and get my academic and career goals back on track. I want to consistently put in **8+ hours of focused work daily (right now I have a daily screen time of 10 hours)** , develop hobbies, start reading again , take risks again, and actually feel excited about life instead of constantly anticipating everything that could go wrong.

I also struggle with balancing friendships and ambition. How do I prioritise my goals without feeling guilty, fearing people will dislike me for changing, or feeling like I have to hide my progress? I get jealous, compare myself to friends, and sometimes fear they’ll outperform me if I let them see how hard I’m working. I don’t want to become isolated or competitive; I want healthy friendships without sacrificing my potential. Help me use neuroplasticity to turn my life around.

If you’ve been through something similar, what ACTUALLY helped? Especially neuroplasticity or some sort of practical ways to stop overthinking, becoming socially confident, or rebuilding your life from scratch like where exactly do I start and how? I’m so lost. I want real experiences, not just “touch grass and meditate.”

.

Anyone know what the next steps are when you tried to end (can’t say the other word) yourself but failed. I did the hospital stay and everything and now I’m with family but I just don’t know what I want to do with my life. Any suggestions?

I want to start new things, but finding it hard to start/ continue any hobbies, I have quite a full plate with school, work and gym. I am 22, I used to do some writing on my own, never posted it anywhere, took a couple classes when I was younger, but want to know if there is any subreddits anyone recommends for this kind of thing, or some hobbies people might recommend for people my age ?

I am goign through a tough time trying to figure myself out, and hitting a tougher patch, so I am trynna shake it and develop myself more instead of wollow, I wanna do something about it, anything helps!

I’ve been depressed for so long. I try to talk about my problems but it never feels like anyone understands me. I feel like a failure. I don’t have any money, I can’t apply to college, I can’t find a job, I can’t afford to move out. I don’t even look my best. I just feel so stupid all the time. I’m so discouraged and disappointed in myself. I wish I could be better.

Hey everyone. I've been struggling with an obsession over my TikTok repost tab. I keep checking it constantly, making sure it's perfectly curated, and imagining how people perceive me through it.
I know it's a complete waste of time, but I can't break the habit. Has anyone dealt with this kind of social media overthinking? How did you detach from it and stop caring? Any tips would be great!

... I don't even know what's happening. I am slowly losing the will or the strength with each growing day I feel worse and worse. It's like one day i let's say read 30 pages of book and the next maybe barely 10 and it's not just being bored as if you are bored you naturally don't want to read or if you read too much then the following day you wouldn't want to do it but for me it's like I am dying slowly. I am losing the will with each following day.

I’ve been writing and rewriting this post a lot over a couple of days so I apologize if this comes out as a hefty stream of consciousness.

I have a really big issue with envy to be honest. It fluctuates depending on the person and situation, but it’s genuinely exhausting. My problem these days is with one of my closest friends.

I moved to a different city for a job opportunity about two years ago. I barely knew anybody in this new city, and I was still navigating it all. After a couple of weeks of working at the new job, he started working there as well.

I don’t struggle making friends, and I always blend in easily and socialize, I guess I’m a likable person and I try my best to make people feel seen and heard. We became friends almost immediately. He’s 12 years older than me, so I found myself always seeking his advice and picking his brain about stuff.

Over time we became closer and closer, he introduced me to his friends and family, I became close with all of them, and they consider me to be part of the family. His mother keeps calling me her second son.

He’s charming, supportive, funny, always available, navigates problems so easily, very confident, extremely helpful and hardworking.

I could go on for days on all the ways he’s perfect, inside and out.

He’s very good looking, soft hair, enchanting smile in a way that is inviting and warm, very handsome and physically fit, he could put a trash bag on and it would look good on him.

He has the most perfect family; loving, supportive, always there.

He’s got an amazing work ethic, and can problem solve to oblivion.

He’s very confident and self assured, sensitive and empathetic.

All women love him and want him, wherever we go they keep checking him out, and he gets in relationships so easily and very gracefully.

Ever since we became friends, he’s always been there for me, always provided advice and a helping hand. I never really felt lonely in the city or like a stranger. He provided a very safe space for me to vent and talk about anything without any judgement. He corrects me when I make mistakes and makes it a point for me to be better.

I, on the other hand, am short, frumpy, fat, ugly with a big nose and glasses.

I’m still a virgin at 24, and I keep getting rejected over and over to the point where it’s humiliating. I keep trying so hard and keep failing even harder. A girl once told me that I was too fat and ugly to be talking to her, and another once genuinely laughed at me for approaching her.

I never really felt confident in my body or my looks, I’ve never been confident all around. I try hard to dress well, and I’ve been hitting the gym consistently lately but I’m still the same ugly slab of meat. I hate looking in the mirror and I don’t like the way I look in pictures.

It took me so much time to realize that I might have a likable personality, and I still have a hard time believing that people actually like me.

I envy my friend so hard, he’s literally a perfect human being all around. I just wish that I could swap lives with him for a day, just so I can see what it’s like.

I put in four times as much effort just to look mediocre at best, while he simply wakes up perfect.

I know I’m not jealous, I’m genuinely happy for him and wish him all the best, but why can’t I be like him? Why am I stuck in this lumpy hideous body?

It physically hurts me thinking about how much I’m missing out on just because I’m so frumpy unattractive and unconfident.

I look up to him so much and want to be like him in every single way imaginable.

I keep comparing myself to him and I’m nowhere near and I don’t think I’ll ever be even close.

It’s really hard form not to feel unlovable and extremely unwanted right now, and that’s something I’ve been struggling with all my life.

I feel very isolated and in my head with no way out, and I’m intensely aware of how rejected and insignificant I am.

How can I not envy him when I see him everyday, we hang out every day, and all my friends are either related to him or close friends with him? I fear this might turn to jealousy and develop to resentment and maybe hatred.

Is there a way out of these feelings or am I doomed to stay like this for all of eternity?

So, I'm a student, I have been struggling with Social life, ACADEMICS and my personal life.

I'm board student and my boards are in 3months. Also, a procrastinator, I genuinely need to study like crazy cause for me it's really important to score good marks say its (mandatory) but I can't study I know what I need to do, I know it's important but I just can't get my self and work, even after I do start than I just can't focus at all. As for my goals i need to far better than what I'm doing everyday. I've search about this but still nothing works. Sometime I feel I have two person inside me One just dgaf about anything, anything at all And one who gives. afterall I comeback to same thing repeating everytime.

I need some genuine tips or advice..

As for my social and personal one. Physically omy body is not good at all. I started doing some beginners workout pike stretching and some muscle training. But again i stopped doing it after few days And Socially I'm awkward and seriously it's really hard for me to speak up to anyone new or whom I don't know.

I'm just worse kind of person who is not good at anything. I just can't force myself or should I say my brain controls me and I can't control my brain at all.

Some context.

I work best under pressure when it's urgent. And I can't manipulate my brain into doing things with pressure cuz Ik it's fake.

I just wish that someone just become my personal trainer and force me doing things that needs to be done..

I don't know what to say more. I'm tried of myself. And this self destructive habit.

It's impulsive decision of mine to come here in Reddit, In hopes of getting some help.

Thank you for reading this all.

I (F24) know I don't have to, but I'd like to help him with it because it's involving me at this point. He (M26) sais he is scared of being loved (I think is because of a fear of abandonment maybe) so he doesn't want say that we are more than just fwb (he treats me like his girlfriend also with his friends).
What can I do?

I won’t get professional help because I can’t afford it and talking to professionals got me a mental health record which is why I can’t joint the military or work in ems. I have zero friends my ex girlfriend passed by od a few years back and I’ve got nothing now. My family constantly reminds me that I’m manic and that I’m a broke loser with no friends. I work 60hrs a week and only make $14 an hour and haven’t eaten in 2 days. I ask for help and my family tells me to go fuck myself and threatens me I would already have committed if I didn’t have my dog but I see no point. I’m 22 no friends no girls, I’ll never own a home I’ll never get married I don’t see the point and I’m tired of wasting my time. I can’t talk to people because they terrify me and I’m just tired of trying so hard for no reward at all and just anger and frustration. I don’t see a point in anything or trying so hard when I could just go be with my girl idk

I'm a perfectionist and it is so frustrating.

For once I would like to do something and allow myself to be messy. Allow myself to do something that isn't perfect.

Alot of the times I just don't do things or quit half way because it isn't perfect the first time.

So how do I stop trying to chase perfection?

A 5 block minute of time is approximately 0.5% of 16 active hours a day (assuming 8 hours for sleep). So 30 minutes would be about 12% of your day. So imagine your day in terms of money. So imagine you have 200 dollars when you wake up. If you procrastinate 30 minutes, you wasted 24 out of your 200 dollars. Every 5 minutes is one dollar. So this will help you understand before you waste 5 or ten minutes of your day thinking it is only 5 or 10 minutes you have plenty of time left later in the day. You really do not. Sorry for the bad grammar I am typing this out in a hurry but I thought this visualization while basic would be helpful.

I just can't stand constantly feeling hurt and like I am a joke. It seems impossible for him to not see me as someone who can just pretend and "be" a certain way depending on what he wants from me but I have tried even if he doesn't see it and it is awful.

I hate pretending, I pretend with everyone else trying to seem normal and just with him I feel incapable of pretending and it is like I'm paying for it by being treated like the one thing I have to do to make everything okay between us is to pretend and be a certain way that I don't feel capable of or in touch with.

It hurts a lot. I got attached to him in a very painful and unhealthy way. Even after many times of being hurt, lied to, and humiliated, I just couldn't let go fully. I'd just get vengeful and try to make him feel bad too, I really wanted to feel like since I hurt so much being with him, then atleast I wouldn't be the only one in pain. But it didn't help. It just made me feel more unhappy.

I hate this feeling. It was and is a very bad attachment that made being alone without him in sight or around me feel unbearable. He ended the relationship recently, and I felt like I was going to die, couldn't breathe, and would be left behind with my family that just hurt me.

Foolishly I went unto an account he didn't know of and practically begged him to stay with me just to make me feel like I wasn't alone with them and like I was good enough to be wanted since I wasn't any good in an actual relationship due to being a horrible person. It turned into an arrangement where I would send him pictures of myself so that he could make me feel like I could be wanted and so that he could get something out of not leaving me alone.

But, due to him leaving me the way he did, I didn't feel safe or comfortable with him anymore. I just felt like, "he was capable of leaving me so obviously I am not that wanted," coupled with the fact that he'd be gone a lot anyway due to being busy. It feels humiliating that I begged for an arrangement just to feel something I couldn't feel with him anymore.

I still didn't want to be alone with just my family, so we decided to be "fwb" since he said he wanted to be "more than friends but less than a relationship,". I didn't want that, but there was nothing else atp, so I decided I would, but then he got upset with me because I didn't want to still meet him for "date-like" outings. As if being friends with benefits requires that.

It just became clear he wants to have access to me intimately, without dealing with the way I am and getting to have me around like a girlfriend conveniently while I stay miserable and uncomfortable. So, just moments ago, I blocked him after apologizing for asking him to stay with me in the first place and stating that I could not give him what he wanted because I couldn't. But I don't know if I can stand it.

I already feel alone again and scared like how it felt every time he would go away. It makes me feel nauseous and so, so angry. Like I can't calm down. I can't keep doing bad things to myself physically because I'd just get in trouble, but nothing else makes me feel distracted enough to not be so aware of how awful I feel. I just wish I never felt this way, I hate this feeling. I just want it to go away, I wish I felt okay with being alone.

About 6 years ago, I was in a relationship. Actually, I approached her and we tried to find a common ground. After 6/7 months, she said she didn't like this relationship and cut me off without any reason. I was also naive and couldn't handle the rejection. I said some terrible things to her. Then during covid, we talked a bit and also I tried to figure out what I did wrong. She said she couldn't remember..

So, I've decided that this is the end of my attempt to fix things. I'll try my hardest not to make any contact or do anything that might embarrass her. I didn't do anything earlier to embarrass her, as far as I'm aware.

That was about 3/4 years ago. During that time, I tried to move on, tried to date once. But it didn't work. I don't feel any connection with anyone else. It always reminds me of her smile, I always see her face. I'm lost. I tried to block her. But after 2/3 months, I couldn't stop seeing her. Some of you might think I'm stalking her aggressively. Actually, no, we don't have any mutual friends. So, I only see if she posts anything publicly.

My family is asking me to get married, but I'm not against arranged marriages. But I'm worried, I might not be able to forget her and try to find her in my future partner. This could mess up both our lives.

Any suggestion how to handle this? Should i ask her again?