Hi, I'm 24(F) from a suffocating developing country. Since childhood, I've had health issues such as severe eczema, asthma, which resulted in me completely isolating myself. No adult around me helped me to get out of it by seeking professional help or consistently helping me to develop a life outside the illness and bullying and having no friends.

These are the same people who hide behind the excuse of them not knowing better. No matter how hard I try to accept this, i can't. My logic basically is that if someone's health is at stake, you don't expect them to react to verbal, physical and emotional abuse about them acting like a sick person.

I developed some insane patterns of manipulation, lying through my teeth, relying too much on my emotions, and naturally developed abandonment issues and a low low self esteem.

I've recently had a major wake up call that's pushing me into becoming a better person. I'm highly neurodivergent, and I'm struggling to develop boundaries between my emotional self and my logical self. Failure to do so usually. ends with me being completely unsatisfied, mad at the world, and I basically start acting like a teenager again.

What do I do?

I don't know how to start this.

So the thing is, I don't take my life seriously enough. And probably in the future, I still won't take my life seriously.

In my academics, I haven't scored enough always. From the second sem to fifth sem, I still have backlogs. There have always been two subjects, three subjects, and so on. I have never been to catch up. All here every time. From the second sem to fifth sem.

I want to say that from next sem companies are coming to our colleges and I won't able to apply for the companies because companies don't allow active backlogs. I already know about the active backlogs criteria. But still, I don't even feel motivation, discipline that I will get.

There is no motivation or discipline in me to improve. I haven't seen any.

Okay, for example, let's suppose that in the next six months or next four-five months. I still have backlogs when companies start visiting. I won't able to apply. At that point, I'll feel bad because I would have missed so many opportunities but I don't think I would regret it.

I have seen so much worst in my academics. What's the worst that I have seen in my career? I am fucking 12th fail. I have given 12th twice in my life. That's my biggest struggle of my life. I was so low at that and still I somehow overcome that and chooses but BCA instead of Btech.

Somehow, I just don't know. I just don't know. I just feel at the wrong place always. I never thought this would be my place. I keep thinking that something nice that's coming for me. Let's say something bigger that's coming for me, but it's never. It's never.......

I still have to think, I won't be able to apply for companies. I don't care. That's the fact I don't care.

Fuck dude. I already knew I won't be able to apply companies and I knew it. I just know I won't able to apply. I know this is gonna happen with me. Maybe something in the future that is holding me back. I just don't know.

There is a backup option for me that is a master's for sure. But will it work out? We just don't know.

I don't have any motivation to study or to do anything.

If I don't achieve anything by the age of 30, I don't care. Because my dad has a pension. I think he can pretty much survive on that pension. i can just work on the delivery partner or something like that. I will survive for myself. I don't care my parents. They can just live there and have a happy life.

I don't even want to start a family. I'm not interested in that.

But still, something is holding me back. I don't know what the fuck is holding me back, but something is.

Maybe I'm not good at academics. Maybe other things? like sports or something else. No. I'm terrible at almost everything. I feel like I am the dumbest person in the room.

I still know what to do with my life now. I don't know what I want for myself.

Fuck. I am such a big loser man. I am fucking such a big loser.

Yeah, that's it.

Ps: My exams went so bad of sem 5 I knew I am getting backlogs. I'm just done with my life......

Have you ever felt like wanting to do something, like taking action to change things, but you are so mentally low that you cannot really take any action, even if you are willing to?
I am facing this same thing. I know I need to do things, I need to take action, but I just can’t. I can’t.
I am so disturbed that I just can’t think of anything positive. I don’t know if this is normal or not. Whatsoever. But I can’t think of a way out of this. I am not taking action, I am crying. I am just not trying to get myself into one. I don’t know what is happening.
I am just lying, thinking, not doing anything, when I know I should be doing things. I am not seeing anything with a positive side. I cry over every minute problem.
I am zoning out on every topic. No fun, nothing, nothing. My skin looks dehydrated. I have lost my spark.
And the worst part is, I know I need to take action towards my problems, and I even know the solutions, yet I am not.

I (F24) know I don't have to, but I'd like to help him with it because it's involving me at this point. He (M26) sais he is scared of being loved (I think is because of a fear of abandonment maybe) so he doesn't want say that we are more than just fwb (he treats me like his girlfriend also with his friends).
What can I do?

Hello, I'm 18 and I wanted to seek advice or thoughts because I feel like I should be working towards a life in which I focus on the things that matter to me, but recently I haven't been able to do so, and I don't know why.

I have stopped sleeping at a reasonable hour, I train just barely enough to maintain my physique but not enough to actually progress. Every day I try to distract myself with meaningless activities like doomscrolling or watching adult content or playing stupid games (not even good ones). I know I'm actively wasting my time, and I try to get back on track but I never seem to stay focused long enough.

Either that, or I'm on dating apps, talking to people I do not really care about in a very bad attempt at silencing the emptiness I feel.

I want to start doing back the things I loved doing; training, drawing and learning new stuff.

What helped you the most to get your life together, even when things get tough? I'd love to get advice or your opinion, I want to change.

Hello, my (20) best friend (20) is in an unfortunate situation. It is a bit complicated, and mostly irrelevant. Basically, she will be moving in with me for about a month or two before heading east to live with her partner once they can both afford it.

She currently lives with her parents (specifically mother and step father, bio dad is horribly abusive), in a trailer on the side of their house. She’s not isolated necessarily, but it is very lonely. Whenever she wants to sleep in the house, she is told no. After a nasty breakup from a toxic relationship, which was traumatic in many ways, my friend spent a long time wallowing away in that little trailer, weed and guitar and her friends being her only salvations. We have discussed how that trailer has become nearly dreadful, and in her own words, “the worst depression hole of my life.”

Basically, we are both setting aside some money for when she arrives. It will not be much. But I am hoping, aside from gas and equipment we need for a project in the works, we can spend some of that money on making her room at my house actually enjoyable or relaxing. I know it is not for long, but I figure she can just take things with her when moves in with her partner.

What are things that you all think this room could use? It is not big at all, and a lot of the space is already being used for our said “project in the works.” But lighting, bedding, decoration ideas, even fun curtains as the room is missing them, any ideas like that would be deeply appreciated.

I know this probably sounds reckless to a lot of older folks on this subreddit, especially given my friend and I’s mutual status as young adults. But we are determined, and are taking many precautions before this step. I have known her many years, all of which feel blessed. The side comments about our project likely will not help any doubts. But please refrain from discouraging comments. Thank you.

TLDR: Friend is moving in the spare room for a few months, how to make that room feel more comfortable after years and years of severe depression and PTSD?

I won’t get professional help because I can’t afford it and talking to professionals got me a mental health record which is why I can’t joint the military or work in ems. I have zero friends my ex girlfriend passed by od a few years back and I’ve got nothing now. My family constantly reminds me that I’m manic and that I’m a broke loser with no friends. I work 60hrs a week and only make $14 an hour and haven’t eaten in 2 days. I ask for help and my family tells me to go fuck myself and threatens me I would already have committed if I didn’t have my dog but I see no point. I’m 22 no friends no girls, I’ll never own a home I’ll never get married I don’t see the point and I’m tired of wasting my time. I can’t talk to people because they terrify me and I’m just tired of trying so hard for no reward at all and just anger and frustration. I don’t see a point in anything or trying so hard when I could just go be with my girl idk

Taking care of yourself sounds simple until you start listing everything you're supposed to do: exercise, sleep enough, eat well, keep your space organized, and stay on top of work and relationships.

Even something beneficial can start feeling like another obligation when the routine becomes too complicated.

I'm interested in how people simplify the fitness part of their lives.

Does a short home workout make exercise easier to fit in, or does having equipment at home create another source of pressure?

What helps you stay active without turning self-care into a never-ending project?

I'm a perfectionist and it is so frustrating.

For once I would like to do something and allow myself to be messy. Allow myself to do something that isn't perfect.

Alot of the times I just don't do things or quit half way because it isn't perfect the first time.

So how do I stop trying to chase perfection?

A 5 block minute of time is approximately 0.5% of 16 active hours a day (assuming 8 hours for sleep). So 30 minutes would be about 12% of your day. So imagine your day in terms of money. So imagine you have 200 dollars when you wake up. If you procrastinate 30 minutes, you wasted 24 out of your 200 dollars. Every 5 minutes is one dollar. So this will help you understand before you waste 5 or ten minutes of your day thinking it is only 5 or 10 minutes you have plenty of time left later in the day. You really do not. Sorry for the bad grammar I am typing this out in a hurry but I thought this visualization while basic would be helpful.

I just can't stand constantly feeling hurt and like I am a joke. It seems impossible for him to not see me as someone who can just pretend and "be" a certain way depending on what he wants from me but I have tried even if he doesn't see it and it is awful.

I hate pretending, I pretend with everyone else trying to seem normal and just with him I feel incapable of pretending and it is like I'm paying for it by being treated like the one thing I have to do to make everything okay between us is to pretend and be a certain way that I don't feel capable of or in touch with.

It hurts a lot. I got attached to him in a very painful and unhealthy way. Even after many times of being hurt, lied to, and humiliated, I just couldn't let go fully. I'd just get vengeful and try to make him feel bad too, I really wanted to feel like since I hurt so much being with him, then atleast I wouldn't be the only one in pain. But it didn't help. It just made me feel more unhappy.

I hate this feeling. It was and is a very bad attachment that made being alone without him in sight or around me feel unbearable. He ended the relationship recently, and I felt like I was going to die, couldn't breathe, and would be left behind with my family that just hurt me.

Foolishly I went unto an account he didn't know of and practically begged him to stay with me just to make me feel like I wasn't alone with them and like I was good enough to be wanted since I wasn't any good in an actual relationship due to being a horrible person. It turned into an arrangement where I would send him pictures of myself so that he could make me feel like I could be wanted and so that he could get something out of not leaving me alone.

But, due to him leaving me the way he did, I didn't feel safe or comfortable with him anymore. I just felt like, "he was capable of leaving me so obviously I am not that wanted," coupled with the fact that he'd be gone a lot anyway due to being busy. It feels humiliating that I begged for an arrangement just to feel something I couldn't feel with him anymore.

I still didn't want to be alone with just my family, so we decided to be "fwb" since he said he wanted to be "more than friends but less than a relationship,". I didn't want that, but there was nothing else atp, so I decided I would, but then he got upset with me because I didn't want to still meet him for "date-like" outings. As if being friends with benefits requires that.

It just became clear he wants to have access to me intimately, without dealing with the way I am and getting to have me around like a girlfriend conveniently while I stay miserable and uncomfortable. So, just moments ago, I blocked him after apologizing for asking him to stay with me in the first place and stating that I could not give him what he wanted because I couldn't. But I don't know if I can stand it.

I already feel alone again and scared like how it felt every time he would go away. It makes me feel nauseous and so, so angry. Like I can't calm down. I can't keep doing bad things to myself physically because I'd just get in trouble, but nothing else makes me feel distracted enough to not be so aware of how awful I feel. I just wish I never felt this way, I hate this feeling. I just want it to go away, I wish I felt okay with being alone.

About 6 years ago, I was in a relationship. Actually, I approached her and we tried to find a common ground. After 6/7 months, she said she didn't like this relationship and cut me off without any reason. I was also naive and couldn't handle the rejection. I said some terrible things to her. Then during covid, we talked a bit and also I tried to figure out what I did wrong. She said she couldn't remember..

So, I've decided that this is the end of my attempt to fix things. I'll try my hardest not to make any contact or do anything that might embarrass her. I didn't do anything earlier to embarrass her, as far as I'm aware.

That was about 3/4 years ago. During that time, I tried to move on, tried to date once. But it didn't work. I don't feel any connection with anyone else. It always reminds me of her smile, I always see her face. I'm lost. I tried to block her. But after 2/3 months, I couldn't stop seeing her. Some of you might think I'm stalking her aggressively. Actually, no, we don't have any mutual friends. So, I only see if she posts anything publicly.

My family is asking me to get married, but I'm not against arranged marriages. But I'm worried, I might not be able to forget her and try to find her in my future partner. This could mess up both our lives.

Any suggestion how to handle this? Should i ask her again?

(Vent)

Lately, I've been feeling more and more miserable about my life. It's not sadness or anger or panic or anxiety per-se... I guess melancholy is the best way to describe it.

Everything I do feels repetitive and uninteresting. School, work, sleep (that I often can't get), repeat. I've lost interest in my past hobbies, and the only thing I still enjoy is drawing, though even the drawings I make have become dull and negative.

My life feels very empty, even though I have more than enough things to do. It lacks emotion.

Nothing seems to solve my lack of emotion. I try spending more time with classmates and family, but I can't seem to find joy in interacting with them. There was a person who was romantically interested in me recently, but I shut it down because, no matter how much I tried, no matter how nice or interesting or attractive this person was, I was unable to reciprocate.

And I get frustrated, because while everyone around me is falling in love or managing great achievements in life, or even just enjoying the small moments... I'm here, needing ten minutes every morning just to convince myself to get out of bed and start the day. I can't seem to feel optimistic or happy with my life. It's not that I have a bad life... I'm grateful for being here. Still... I've been struggling to find something that makes me truly feel alive.

If you've ever felt this way, or if you know someone who has, or if you have something, anything, that could help with my situation... I'd really appreciate some advice on how to get out of it.

I was playing a cricket match it was finals, and so we were a bit aggressive today so was the other team.

On of the team member from another team called my teammates mother something (I don't want to say it here), and I confirmed with my teammate few times and asked the dude who told bad about his mom also.

So I got pissed (I shouldn't have) and during our turn I called him a dude without a mom and then I told him it was wrong to call another dude's mother something like that (I know I was being a hypocrite), he then started taunting me and told crap about my mother after which I got pissed and called his mom a prost!tute.

We lost the match, but after the match I realized what I did was wrong and went and went to him and apologized but he just walked away non-chalantly. I messaged him saying 'Good game, I hope there are no hard feelings.'

I realize what I did was wrong, and I am not saying 2 wrongs make a right, I am not blaming him. I took accountability, and I still don't think its enough. It was not like me because I never really say this type of stuff, again not defending myself.

I do understand that it was wrong to use family during an argument.

Im addicted to my Phone and porn. I feel Like im wasting so much time with These things and Wish i would Just Stop. But sometimes it feels Like These things give me the Most Dopamine. Compared to other Things. Atleast at the beginning and than Afterwards you feel worse. I think my Phone and porn became coping mechanism to forget about my Feelings of lonelyness. But those Things are't good copings and Just make Things worse. Does anyone have advice on how to Beat These addictions.

I was playing a cricket match it was finals, and so we were a bit aggressive today so was the other team.

On of the team member from another team called my teammates mother something (I don't want to say it here), and I confirmed with my teammate few times and asked the dude who told bad about his mom also.

So I got pissed (I shouldn't have) and during our turn I called him a dude without a mom and then I told him it was wrong to call another dude's mother something like that (I know I was being a hypocrite), he then started taunting me and told crap about my mother after which I got pissed and called his mom a prost!tute.

We lost the match, but after the match I realized what I did was wrong and went and went to him and apologized but he just walked away non-chalantly. I messaged him saying 'Good game, I hope there are no hard feelings.'

I realize what I did was wrong, and I am not saying 2 wrongs make a right, I am not blaming him. I took accountability, and I still don't think its enough. It was not like me because I never really say this type of stuff, again not defending myself.

I do understand that it was wrong to use family during an argument.

.

Hello im a cs student and im completely confused at how i should get started and with all this new AI stuff whether this all is even worth it but needless to say i havent even put any real effort yet . im a 3rd year student and i really struggle with studying . or more of trying to study . im the sort of person who isnt even willing to take good care of my own self . and i dont feel any passion or anything for this particular field or even any field at all . although i do like studying and learning new stuff but due to being stuck in the loophole of procastination for years it has almost been impossible to learn any course or get good at something . i have started various courses or programming languages but the moment i get stuck i give up or even before that . theres nothing really that can keep me stuck to it , i want to get over this laziness procastination and no passion-ness and actually get good at it but like i said bfr i have tried so many times but this "getting better" fever sadly doesnt even last a day . i would really appreciate any tips or anything that can help me through this

Ive been backstabbed by so many of my friends which make me develop the fear of talking to people. I use to have the mindset of assuming people may not like me after certain circumstances or interactions. I was able to fix that mindset at one point of time but now i’m reverting back to my old mindset. I really don’t know what to do anymore as so many of my so called friends are constantly backstabbing me or they resent me. I feel like i’m always projecting and honestly at this rate i don’t know what to do anymore. I always say I wanna be somebody but it’s so hard to consistently do things that are draining. Now i’m closed off with people again and i don’t know what to do. Hopefully there are people out there who feels the same way as I do. As honestly right now i feel like my life has gone a down spiral and im falling into depression which i have never thought i would say this or even be posting about this online.

The title is a massive clickbait as it makes me sound ungrateful. Although yea i do wonder that, i don’t think the evidences will support it.

In my whole entirety of life i don’t think i have ever been that pretty girl ever. I remember i had a moment when i was super young where people called me cute a lot and wanted to know about me and would ask my parents about me etc. Well, i grew up into an ugly duckling middle schooler who had such a massive overbite that it would be visible from 10 feet away.

Throughout this transition if i may call it that, i was so well aware of how fucked up i looked that any ounce of meanness by others was well understood by me cause duh why else would you kick someone’s chair when you don’t even know them.

I was alright and did have a friend and other people and was seldom alone. School was tough and i had well adjusted with a few snarky comments here and there. I was never overweight and was rather skinny but gained weight during covid which ahem took away one little thing i had. I looked like a dreadful potato that you can’t even use in your bubble and squeak.

Now, cut to a year or two ago i had what you might call a glow up. I cut my own hair and lost weight. I started to wear better clothes albeit my style being really random and kind of off putting. We’re talking those rugged ripped jean with some god awful bright orange top.

I never put makeup that time and used to have people talk to me in college. Even the pretty ones. This one guy i kind of had crush on started looking at me. It became a huge ego boost as we never talked but had those moments where he would brush past me or lock eyes with me or act weird etc. I had a guy friend of my friend ask about me cause he thought i was very cute, very pretty and very attractive. Girls always commenting on how i looked or how nice my hair was or where I got my clothes from.

I had a guy randomly run towards me to ask me out ig. To tell i look cute or wtv. He was 30 and i was 19 so maybe not that big of an ego boost.
Cut to recently, a year later. I get complimented more. I have been told by my Roomate that i have a perfect face and mind you i really do not. I have been kind of hit on by a classmate. Recently another guy came up to me and said he just wanted to say i look nice and cute and that’s all.

Now, this isn’t a bragging session but more so how I’m spiralling a lot. I do not know what to make of it. I do not see it. I don’t apply makeup but dare i go out or meet anyone without having anything on my lips or my hair looking bad or I’ll probably hide under a blanket for a lifetime.

I cried today cause i saw this account of a clothing brand put up their story with my face on. I bought smth from them at a fest and got a pic clicked to promote it i suppose as did multiple other people. My face and my pic is the cover of their highlight which i do not know if it is incidental or something they did themselves but i fucking hate it. My face looks yassified in the worst way possible and it looks like my face is going to melt of cause of how droppy and saggy it looks. My eyes are hooded so i don’t even think i need to say anything. Plus my acne is creating the weirdest texture.
My sister started commenting on how i look pretty but i think she is being fake nice.

I look weird and have been crying over it. I do not come across as a friendly person so i do think when some people close to me say smth nice it is to flatter me or make me comfortable. At the same time i feel weird that random men who look so much older than me tend to approach me cause maybe i look dumb??? I have a baby face so maybe it is cause i am alone mostly and look like the perfect victim to flatter as i probably look like I’ve never been complimented once in my life.

Anyways, this was the rant. I really want to know why i feel so fucking bizarre about my face. Can i learn how to accept the ugly side of it and if so then how? Why do i feel so gross about it and as if i do not look nearly as good? Can it mean I’m right and people do not have standard and come across as too easy?

.

Forgive me for my grammar in advance. English isn’t my mother tongue.

I (F16, 17 in 2 months) am going into a public gymnasium (highschool), one of the strongest in my country. Junior year of it. I’ve been struggling with poor mental health probably half of my life now, it’s a problem i’ve been carrying since childhood. However, i’ll not go into specifics. Well because of my privacy I guess.

Chores, specifically house and school ones, have been a huge problem to deal with ever since I was 10. House work I deal with, however last minute, just to please my mother. And that’s pretty mid too. School, on the contrary, I’m insanely neutral about that. The only reason why I used to try is to, again, please my mom.

In middle school I didn’t care about grades. I did get average/good ones because I’m fairly intelligent, maybe above average, that’s the same way how I got in the gymnasium i’m attending.

Anyhow, last few months, my future has became a much more important deal for me. For the first time in my life, I want to live and I want to succeed. So, I need to go ahead. And school is a way for that one. Anyhow, I want to be a philosopher, and for that you need a lot of basic and philosophy knowledge for the entrance exam, and well grades.
Philosophy/Trivia isn’t a problem. It’s my passion. Grades.

The advice. How. How do I study. Not literally, I mean. I’ll give examples. Philosophy/history/languages is something I genuinely enjoy, and studying for it feels like acquiring life knowledge, but the second it’s something I don’t resonate with such as Biology, Mathematics, Physics I instantly crash. I prepare to study, leave a couple hours in my day free for studies, but when I sit down, start reading, doing works, words become blank, I have an urge to get up, I procrastinate, and end up reading other books of philosophy or literature. Whatever I’m interested in. Eventually, I cave in doing maths or biology or physics, but then my brain goes blank again, I can’t solve something, I rage and want to cry and tear my hair up for being “stupid” and I go back to my safe subjects

I might be lazy. Probably. But how do I stop. I can’t escape this. I don’t want bad grades either, I love the satisfaction of being successful. But how do I stop the brain fog? How do I do something? If anybody has a good advice, OR ANY WHATSOEVER, please hand me some.

I feel loat about who I am. I ​don't know what types of content I should consume on a daily basis to develop interests, to gain a confident a personality where I'm comfortable in my own skin and how to get smarter everyday. Please help! Thank you!!

I hope someone has enough patience to read this, I need to went.

I'm in a bottomless life crisis and I don't know what to do with myself. Where do you even start picking up the pieces of yourself when you lie there like a broken glass on a cold floor?

I have quite recently found out that I have two chronic autoimmune diseases, I have struggled for a year, day and night against strong pains, strong fatigue and beeing stuck in a body that is only working against myself.

Everything in my everyday life has been about keeping myself together and surviving, spending all my energy to manage work, then spending all my free time recovering to be able to cope with the next shift. I felt I was  drowning, as if my head was barely above water surface.

Now a few weeks after I received my diagnosis and I finally started to get help with medication and actually start to notice a positive change in my health, I am thrown into an even worse nightmare, my husband, life partner, my great security & best friend for 12 years has now decided that he needs to prioritize himself and he apparently can not do that if we are still together.

I have tried to turn myself outside and in, begged him to stay and fight with me, not give up on me and us now that I will finally start to feel better 💔

I have said that I am willing to do anything to make his situation better, move closer to his job, change apartments, give up my job, my finances, change all my priorities, go to therapy... yes, everything I can think of for his sake because we are family and we should not give up on each other 💔

But no, he has made up his mind. He doesn't want this anymore.

I am now caught in a nightmare I can't wake up from, in a fog that doesn't ease, I can't think, I can't sleep, I can barely eat because of such strong anxiety. I don't understand anything, why does he suddenly just give up after we have promised each other forever? Who am I without him by my side?

Our relationship has not always been a perfect, we have struggled a lot in periods and it feels like there have always been external factors that have affected us & therefore affected the relationship, for example our sex life has really been on and off. I have poor self-esteem and have not received much other closeness or confirmation from him at times, which has made me bad at taking initiative even though I want him and long for him so much! But it feels like its been only my responsibility fix it 💔

But we also had a great times together. He has so many nice sides but he struggles a lot with his mental well-being, stress and his finances.

I have not always been perfect and I am sure I have contributed to what has gone wrong. But I also know how lonely I've been feeling in our relationship during some times, how I have walked on eggshells at home to not annoy or stress him, how I have tried to ignore those times he got angry with me just because I asked a simple question? How I've been too worried about his reactions that I've avoided bringing up things that didnt feel good for me. He almost never apologizes, it is always me who has to finish the arguments and apologize even though it was not me who has messed up. I have forgiven the times he threatened to end the relationship even in minor conflicts just because he speaks before he talks. How he gasses with the car faster when he is angry even though I think it is scary.

How he has been able to get angry and cussed at me when I am sad instead of having the instinct to comfort me. How he in anger left me here alone crying in panic for a day after he told me he didn't want me anymore because he probably couldn't handle that I was sad 💔

I know that he had to take on a greater responsibility here at home in the past year when I havent bee feeling well and that I have not been very fun to live with. But I have done the best I could at the time considering my situation with my health, but I guess I could have done more and now I have lost him forever 💔

There is so much I regret, wish I could rewined the tape and changed some decisions I /we made along the way.. would he still leave me then?

This anxiety is eating me up and right now I feel like I'm going to have to live alone in that anxiety and regret for the rest of my life.

I'm approaching 40, I was hoping he would be the father of my children... but now I guess I'll never even be able to be mother. Now I will instead be left with our little dog that I now hardly know how to take care of alone because of work, but I can't give him up because he is my everything and now the only piece left of my family 💔

How do I start picking up the pieces of myself when I don't even know what my identity is without him? I'm so attached and intertwined with him that I have no idea who I am when I'm alone?

How do you find your own identity again?

I would have been so grateful for any input or advice on how to work on myself to survive this. Right now everything just feels so fucking dark and scary 💔