r/LesbianActually • • Aug 31 '26

Dating & Friendship Thread: šŸ‚šŸ§„ THE FLANNEL BAR šŸ§„šŸ‚

98 Upvotes

šŸ Looking for love

🧄 Looking for friends

ā˜• Looking for someone to talk to, flirt with, or share playlists with

šŸ‚ Or just looking to meet some new people

Pull up a chair. The Flannel Bar is open for fall.

If you’re looking for dating, friendship, flirting, or just more community, introduce yourself below.

You can include:

• Age range

• Timezone

• What you’re looking for

• One green flag about you

• Something that makes you smile

No need to share your exact age, location, workplace, or anything else that could identify you.

HOT TIP šŸ”„: Don't just wait for people to respond to you. Respond to others šŸ˜€

This thread will be around for three months, so feel free to come back, check out new comments, or update your intro.

House Rules

Mods and Reddit can’t verify identities. If you move to private messages, please take steps to confirm the person you’re talking to is real. Don’t share personal or identifying information unless and until you feel comfortable, if ever.

This post will stay up for three months and will be replaced with a new Flannel Bar thread next quarter. During that time, other dating or ā€œlooking forā€ posts will be removed so everything stays in one place.

Be kind. Be honest. Respect boundaries.

And enjoy your time at the bar.


r/LesbianActually • • Nov 04 '23

The Rules Of Lesbian Actually

729 Upvotes

Today, the mods voted on a rule change to the sub. Rule 3 has been expanded to include any post or comment not just directed at one person but, in general, the singling out of a member of our community. This now means that content in the nature of "Would you date ____", "Am I ___ if I don't like ____", "I don't find ____ attractive",etc. are not allowed. The bottom line is that there is someone out there for everyone, and often, these posts are used by terfs and other assholes to make people feel excluded or unwanted.

The rules now are as follows:

Rule 1 - Any form of discrimination will not be tolerated.

Rule 2 - Trans women are women

Rule 3 - The singling out of an individual or a group from the community is not allowed

Rule 4 - No posts or comments attempting to restrict others' definitions of self.


r/LesbianActually • • 9h ago

Picture 300 days with my girlfriend, we tried Hanfu!

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823 Upvotes

We had an awesome trip in Xi’an. Wearing Hanfu with her was such a fantastic experience, many people said we matched well. And we also attended a friend’s wedding. It was my first time to met her best friends and got their sweet blessings.

Can’t wait for our 1st anniversary on Jan 1! Hopefully we’ll go traveling again. Love you!!!😊


r/LesbianActually • • 2h ago

Life the racism in the LGBT community is INSANE

143 Upvotes

there’s so much racism within the LGBT community. i’m a lesbian, pakistani and i’m very obviously visually south asian. where i am the lgbt community is litro all white. there’s a couple of queer poc groups but theyre basically non existent. i’ve been to the gay bars but i tend to be the only woc there and nobody ever rly speaks to me. when i speak to people there they say hi then ignore me

it’s so so mf isolating. i get the double sock to the face bc im both a lezzie in a muslim house and a poc in a white city. im so so sad. i’m 22 now and it doesn’t get less lonely

i had a ww i hooked up with ask if its normal for my vag to be so dark because she’d only been w other ww. i don’t think she meant it in a bad way bc she apologised once i explained why it was so fucked up to ask but it hurt so bad. another time i was asked if i was kinky just because i ā€˜look exotic’. like hello i am not a fetish ?? i think it’s worse bc i have pink hair and piercings which always has people thinking i’m a freak in the sheets. i am but you can’t assume that based off my appearance … fuck me it’s so gross

i feel like my body is ugly and undesirable to ww because i’m brown. poc lesbians are non existent where i am so it’s deal w that typa shit or be lonely af

thing is i actually don’t mind dating a ww, i think they’re STUNNING. but the above experience has scared me off. it makes me so upset. i literally just want someone to luv me. am i rly that ugly and undesirable lol

like what the fuck? you’d think that minorities would be kind to other minorities but instead there’s just racism and hate all over the community. sue me for thinking i was going to be treated like a person


r/LesbianActually • • 17h ago

Relationships / Dating Remember us? Just two ā€œstraightā€ best friends that met as nurses, fell in love, and just got engaged!

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1.0k Upvotes

r/LesbianActually • • 2h ago

News/Pop Culture Your favourite lesbian movies/TV shows?

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64 Upvotes

My personal favourite has always been Glee (RIP Naya) but am curious to hear what you think!

Edit: WOW these are all great suggestions!! I'll have to get cracking for sure. Thank you to everyone who shared your favs!


r/LesbianActually • • 11h ago

Picture Lesbian cosplay Ideas for couples ā¤ļøāœØļø

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246 Upvotes

Made it for funāœ‹ļøšŸ¤š


r/LesbianActually • • 46m ago

Life She’s such a rat lol

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• Upvotes

r/LesbianActually • • 8h ago

Life If you are a lesbian, then you "look like a lesbian"

96 Upvotes

That's the post. I've been on this sub for nearly a year, and the "do I look gay?" posts are among the most frequent. Lesbians don't have a specific look. I recently met up with the most stunning woman who is super feminine and looks like a 90s supermodel, but she came out as a lesbian at 15. Men might be interested in her, but she has a "don't fuck with me" vibe that chases them off pretty quickly. No carabiner required.

You don't need to completely change up your style if it doesn't feel natural to you. I have the most basic fem style to ever exist and have no intention of changing that.

I’m also concerned about people engaging with obvious bot content. Some of you lot need a refresher on e-safety because I worry about what seeing an attractive woman will lead you to do.


r/LesbianActually • • 17h ago

Relationships / Dating fem 4 fem is so annoying

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341 Upvotes

i just love girls/girlygirls but trying to hint interest at beautiful girly girls makes me wanna puke from fear!!!
LIKE GIRLLL I LOVE UR FRILLY SKIRT let’s share THEMMM it’s so awkward. like yes okay let’s compliment each others outfits over and over and make eyes at each other and then never talk again thanks yes yup!!! anyone else ???


r/LesbianActually • • 1h ago

Questions / Advice Wanted Razor free

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• Upvotes

….but would you still call a woman femme if she was razor free?


r/LesbianActually • • 6h ago

Questions / Advice Wanted Almost no likes on Hinge: Help!

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26 Upvotes

I've gotten a few likes, but no bites, is it something I'm doing? I've got 6 pics, some prompts and a bio. Got my age set to 18 to 99, 100 plus miles.


r/LesbianActually • • 11h ago

Questions / Advice Wanted I think I'm making my ex-partners trans?? šŸ³ļøā€āš§ļø

58 Upvotes

Disclaimer: This is meant to be a funny vent about the state of my love life. No TERFs allowed.

I (31F) am cis have had four long-term relationships. All of my exes have come out as trans. I keep dating different people/personality types, but they keep coming out!

Relationship 1: He had a blue-collar job while I was finishing college and "figuring it out". He always had a very masculine presentation. We had a lot of talks about his identity and how I am not attracted to men. I did not want to date a man.

Relationship 2: Huge fumble for me. Crazy smart, outdoor sportsman with an androgynous style. Best sex of my life. Really great listener. After we broke up, I saw them at a community event with different pronouns and a very nice (surprisingly gray) haircut.

Relationship 3: A long-term-situationship throughout most of grad school. NGO Worker. More feminine than I am. I taught him how to strap and he used that information (and equipment) to cheat on me with a man. (Triple ouch.) He said it gave him the biggest gender euphoria moment of his life and immediately ghosted/blocked me everywhere. He is now a very happy gay man.

Relationship 4: A very feminine scientist who rocked my world. Talented, sexy, and beautiful. His personal style changed a lot during those 4 years, but I always admired his fashion sense. We always supported each other and slowly built a life together. Eventually he hit me with, "I think I actually never loved you, but our relationship was beautiful. Thank you for loving me until I was ready to love my true self." and promptly came out on social media about 6 months ago.

Gals and Pals, where do I go from here? Is it me? Is it the local water? I don't want them to not be trans, but at this point my only options seem to be:

  1. Start charging a modest fee for my services.
  2. Give a disclaimer on all first dates that they may be trans.
  3. Get over feeling like I'm, "A lesbian who has never dated a woman." (See disclaimer.)

r/LesbianActually • • 5m ago

Relationships / Dating I posted this 2 weeks ago but it bears repeating. Please y'all, come on, you're killing me. I wanna keep you all safe from creeps!

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• Upvotes

r/LesbianActually • • 12h ago

Relationships / Dating Assuming your fiancƩe is a man

26 Upvotes

I found myself trying to refer to my fiancƩe as my girlfriend rather than fiancƩe to other people purely because everyone jumps to 'he' 'he' 'he' and they make it awkward as hell once i correct them. They usually pause for so long while processing the fact I'm engaged, and to a woman at that. I'm gonna continue just explaining, no, not to a man, to a woman, because the fact everyone assumes pisses me off, and i feel like it's disingenous of me to just refer to her as my girlfriend. Just wanted to share some thoughts of annoyance.


r/LesbianActually • • 6h ago

Relationships / Dating What is the most painfully obvious sign you missed that a girl was flirting with you?

9 Upvotes

I feel like looking back at my past dating life is just a series of missed hints and facepalms. šŸ’€I’m convinced we are collectively some of the most oblivious people on the planet when it comes to realizing someone actually likes us.


r/LesbianActually • • 17h ago

Relationships / Dating WE GOT ENGAGED!!

71 Upvotes

I proposed to my girlfriend. she didn't say yes, she said "of course"

I'm so happy. I can't wait to marry her :3


r/LesbianActually • • 9h ago

Picture Saying goodbye to dresses one last time until we meet again 🄹

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16 Upvotes

r/LesbianActually • • 7h ago

Picture I feel like I've reached new (personal) levels of futch

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9 Upvotes

sorry, shameless selfie. Just very dedicated to a futch thing rn, and I just picked up near everything here thrift shopping yesterday.


r/LesbianActually • • 1h ago

Questions / Advice Wanted How do I help my GF (22F) move past anxiety about getting a job? The financial stress is starting to trickle into our flat and relationship.

• Upvotes

Hey everyone, using a throwaway account because my GF uses Reddit. I love my girlfriend so much, I want her dreams to succeed, and I genuinely just need some perspective from other sapphics on how to handle a tough living situation without causing a rift between us.
We’ve been together for just over a year, and we moved into a flat together a few months ago. I’m 23 and a student living off my student funding. She is 22 and receives monthly disability and low-income benefits.

The core issue right now is that we are hitting a massive wall when it comes to the topic of work. She really wants to start a creative baking business and is currently doing a local startup program. She’s putting a lot of hope into a potential Ā£5k business grant, but that funding is strictly restricted for business expenses (supplies, equipment) and can’t be used for our everyday household bills or rent.

Because benefits alone are incredibly tight, the financial pressure is starting to trickle down into everything like our rent, utilities, food shops, and she's had to borrow money from me, my mom and a close friend over the last few months just to keep up with move-in costs and groceries.

Whenever I try to suggest taking on a light, flexible part-time job (even just 10–15 hours a week) to help bridge the gap, pay for her baking ingredients, and take the edge off our bills, she gets deeply anxious and defensive. She feels that working full-time would completely break her mental and physical health, which I completely validate because she’s had really difficult experiences in the past. But then she’ll only look at full-time remote/hybrid roles because they are work-from-home, while avoiding local part-time weekend gigs because she worries it will mess up her benefit thresholds (even though her disability allowance gives her a decent earning gap before her benefits are touched).

I feel like I’m in a position where I’m absorbing a lot of the financial anxiety for the household, and having to borrow money from my own family to help cover things has been really hard on me. I want to support her mental health and her baking business, but the reality is we need a little more steady income coming in to survive the next few months safely.

How do I break through the anxiety and have a productive, loving conversation about this? How do I gently but firmly set boundaries around our individual spending (like doing separate food shops) so that we are both pulling our weight, without making her feel like her mental health struggles aren't valid or that I don't support her dreams?


r/LesbianActually • • 3h ago

Questions / Advice Wanted how did you stop being so nervous and oblivious?

4 Upvotes

despite knowing i’m queer for several years now, i still have terrible gaydar and am incredibly oblivious to flirting (that last part i suspect is due to a touch of ā€˜tism). for some reason i can only spot flirting when it’s coming from men šŸ˜ž in any other circumstance i never realize it’s happening until someone else points it out, but by then the moment has passed and i feel silly for being so dense lol. on the rare occasions i do get the courage up to flirt, i get so nervous that i actually start to shake a little. not noticeably, at least i hope not, i know it’s happening and that’s embarrassing enough. what’s are the signs you look for to tell if someone is flirting or just being nice? how do you get over your nerves when approaching someone?


r/LesbianActually • • 16h ago

Relationships / Dating Girl I was seeing told me she could never marry a woman

40 Upvotes

Hey everyone, to add some history I (25F, lesbian), met a girl, we will call Kay (20F, bi), at work. I’ll be honest the age gap did freak me out a bit, but thats kind of beside the point.

Kay and I recently met at work, and we instantly hit it off. When we first made eye contact, I just knew she’d be different. After a bit of getting to know one another, she told me she was super into me, and we went on a couple dates, but we would mainly hangout at work, when our shifts were together (due to timing restraints).

After one day at work, I walked her to her car, and she grabbed my hands and said ā€œI have to admit something, and it unfortunately sucks a lot to say because I like you so much, but I could never marry a woman.ā€ I asked her if it was due to her parents, or due to religious restraints. She said ā€œNo, I would rather just have a man to take care of me. It just feels more comfortable to me.ā€ She said that maybe past religious experiences do influence these thoughts, but it’s just how she feels.

I instantly felt tears in my eyes, and I just told her I need to think about things for a bit, and ran to my car.

A couple of hours later, I eventually texted her saying, ā€œIf there is no future, we need to stop things here.ā€

I know it was the right move, but it just sucks so hard. I just keep thinking of what could have been, and working with her feels so different and awkward now. It sucks to see her, and it sounds like she was already starting to talk to someone else. So I just feel like I meant nothing to her. My heart, by any means, isn’t broken, but I definitely am feeling pretty empty inside.

No advice is really needed, just feeling this pain more than usual today.


r/LesbianActually • • 1d ago

Picture I got a new tattoo! I can feel my prime coming back

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216 Upvotes