in my imagination all my little wishes and scenarios come true, and i dont have to face the consequences of dealing with actual people.

thing is, im a huge webtoons/manhwa reader, im a huuuuge hopeless romantic ever since 8th grade. i looove love triangles and stories where two love interests revolve around the MC and vie for their affection.

i love imagining im the Y/N of one of those series but yknow what? i am not, and i dont think id enjoy being one either! cos i hate dealing with majority of people.

but imagination is a whole different universe requiring none of the conditions of actual people, and all of the fun and whimsy and heart fluttering.

its so beautiful to drown in my fantasies and daydreams and not have to deal with real people, other than in perfunctory ways.

in real life i hate attention and i have very limited energy cos im 99% introvert. so not like i'd want to be an MC in real life anyways!

Hope you like him : ]

I was originally going to post this on my substack, that's why the epilogue is there, but I decided it might be too concerning for people who know me to see, so I'm just putting this here to get it out

--------------------------

"Is it sad? Sure. But it's a sadness I chose."

I think I'm going to die alone.

In second grade, when I was around 8, I remember feeling so down one day, and my teacher, Mrs. Johnson, must have noticed. She asked if I wanted to speak to a guidance counselor, and I said sure. Eventually, he came, pulled me out of class, and we sat on a bench in the school garden. He asked me what was wrong, and I remember saying, "I don't think anyone loves me."

I share that to emphasize that the thought of being alone or not being loved isn't new. It's always been there, like a second shadow. I'm not entirely sure why; I just always felt like intrinsically there was something broken inside me that made me worthy of dying alone or unworthy of love. I spent a long time with that mindset. Naturally, you push back and tell yourself it's not true, but I could never fully fight the thought; even when I did have a girlfriend around 18, it just felt like a fluke rather than something that was bound to happen. I think even acknowledging that I once had a girlfriend may make you wonder how I could believe it was inevitable that I would end up alone, but I had asked her out twice prior; the one time I was just telling her how I felt in order to move on, she finally reciprocated. In retrospect, I don't feel like she wanted me, but just wanted anyone, and I was the one who was still there. That was a tangent, but it felt worth explaining: even in a moment when I got the thing that was supposed to confirm, "I am lovable," "I won't die alone," I still felt like they weren't true thoughts.

Around the time my dad died, when I was 20, that thought of "I'm gonna die alone because I'm inherently broken or unlovable" started to shift. It transformed from being this idea that I was broken inside and therefore I can't be loved to this idea of I can't be loved just because that's how the universe shakes out. I think that belief is healthier, because it takes the blame off of me for being unlovable and places it on the randomness of the universe, but even then I still had this impulse to fight back and say, "No! Someone is out there." I think I fought back because who wants to accept, for any reason, that they can't be loved.

I would tell myself, "I can improve, I can be better, and once I'm better, people will love me." I hope this doesn't come off as arrogant, but I did improve; I did become better. This last year of my life, I put myself out there more than I ever have. I have experienced new things more than I ever have. I engaged with new people more than I ever have, and more often than not, I still ended up feeling alone. I did all the things everyone told me to do, and I still feel like I failed. Let me be clear: I know that on a literal level I didn't fail; I became smarter, wiser, more confident, but it doesn't change that I feel like I failed. I didn't fall in love; I hardly talk to most of the people I met along the way anymore, and I didn't find the belonging I was looking for. I sit right where I was before I left, still alone.

This is something I've been wrestling with for a long time, but especially since I turned 25 I've been wondering what if I stopped fighting? What if, instead of telling the voice in my head that says, " You're gonna die alone, "no," what if I just said "maybe?" What if I didn't just say "maybe," but I said "probably." For so long, my strategy has just been to fight, to just hold on and hope something would change. Friends who are clearly pushing me away: just hold on; people who don't feel the way I feel about them: just hold on; people who don't love me the way I love them: just hold on, but what if I just finally let go?

I believe I'm gonna die alone.

It's sad to read that; it's sad to say that; it's sad to think that; it's sad to hear that, but it doesn't feel sad. I hope to be clear in what I'm saying: I'm not saying I won't grieve this desire to be loved wholly; I'm not saying it doesn't make me sad to give up this desire, but having this desire is harming me more than it has ever helped me. In giving up the desire to be loved, I feel less pressure; the expectation of being loved has always felt like a burden, and it's created this question about why the people who were supposed to unconditionally didn't. To accept maybe no one will feels like freedom in a lot of ways.

Epilogue

Someone close to me may read this, so this feels important to say. I know how this sounds, but I'm not suicidal. I still want to be alive, I still have dreams, I still have things that bring me joy, I still have things I want to experience, I still have places I want to go, I still want to go out, I still want to meet people, but I'm just not doing those things with the expectation that it'll lead to someone loving me. You might think, "Well, I love you." You're all getting older, you're getting jobs, you're getting married, you're having children, you have families, you have other friends, you're starting your life, you're moving on. I'm glad you're moving on; you have to. I've been holding on so tightly to all of you, hoping that my love for you or your love for me could save me, but it can't; you can't. The only love that can save me is my own. I said earlier in this piece, but I think it's time to let go of expectations of love, hope for love, and maybe your love.

And someone downvoted me. Huh…. 👀

I am 16 years old now. Yes, I know I'm still young, but up until this age, there were truly only two things I wanted to come true.

The first was to be able to form friendships where I was accepted without it feeling like it was entirely my own effort. It might seem like a simple desire, but seriously, until turning 16, I had never experienced a friendship where I felt truly valued. And this year, in my new age, I finally managed to achieve that.

My second wish was to not be so sensitive. In the beginning, that wish was more like "I don't want to be excluded, I hope people don't exclude me, I hope I get along with everyone and everyone likes me." But as I grew up, I realized this wasn't realistic. It's impossible for me to get along with everyone. There are bound to be people who judge. That's why I updated this desire, learning not to take everything people say to heart. (I still struggle with it from time to time, but compared to before, I'm doing much better.)

Honestly, these were the two biggest wishes of my entire life, and I've managed to get somewhere with both of them.

But I don't feel happy. For instance, if my 11-12 years old self could see me now, they would be so happy—I have everything that version of me ever wanted. But right now, for some reason, I just don't feel that way. It's like all of this came too late, like I needed these things when I was 12-11 years old. Like I needed them back then. As if they don't have any meaning anymore. I don't know why, but I feel so strange. I don't even know what I'm feeling. I got everything I wanted, but it feels like I'm losing myself.

What I have learned from this: My typology is messed up and some of fans of bocchi and chika scare me lol

Female infp married to male istj
He told me that caring for me emotionally isn’t quantifiable like meeting his sexual needs
(a+b=c)

he’s a good man if you need a task completed but I feel unseen and uncared for. I give him examples of what he could do and he stares at me blankly

I think he was motivated while we dated to be uncomfortable and push himself to find ways of loving me that were meaningful to me but once we got married it stopped.

Is there anything I can do to help this situation, like is it possible for an istj to exert some effort in the world of emotions or do I just accept this is it?

I’m genuinely confused why fi users are the most hated in the Reddit mbti community specifically.

Hello fellow INFPs

I'm not exactly new to knowing I am INFP, do e the test 4 times since 2018 and have always gotten the same result there.

But, I have never really talked to others of our personality type, so I'm just kinda curious if some of you have any stories, stereotypes or just rants about the type. I don't really know, anything goes!

It can be anything really, I'm just curious to see if I recognize myself here you know? Awfully vague but I am very curious to see what you all might say and write!

Thanks in advance friends!

For further context, I am 27F, and I have this ability to cut people out of my life. I did not always do this, I began to do this maybe at around 24-25 years old. I used to be a people pleaser when I was younger and I started to break out of these habits slowly. I have been betrayed by people close to me, even when I tried to have conversations with these people who I cared about, only for them to show me that they did not care for me in return. I began cutting off friends who would covertly put me down and play power games with me, I cut off friends who I felt that I have outgrown, I cut off friends who showed signs of jealousy and competition. I even cut off my grandmother for displaying toxic behaviors (triangulation, having favorites). Is this an INFP thing?

I'm very much meloncholy personality on the big 4. Also an infp it seems....I've always though I used sadness as a coping mechanism for my anxiety that I deal with...however it seems I may just have more comfort in sadness. I'm extremely nostalgic also. Anyone relate?

i just don’t see how that combo wouldn’t manifest as adhd energy. thoughts ?

I'm mostly a boring person? like a very routine life though I have many variables that can have many effects, I study things like cybersec, compsci, even gamedev, sciences I am into are like mathematics, organic-chem, comp-bio, and several more. as to literature I love books about real world events, History, Exploration, Biography , or even rare unpopular books.

if you aren't in my age group please don't msg me =/ ...

we can have a friendship as real as it get's maybe have calls were we discuss what we study or a call were it's literally silent for hours? i usually keep a friend for years or indefinitely, it's like idk means a lot to me when i call someone a friend though it wont be easy.. sorry dont take it personally, im as stated hard to get along with especially at the start, but if consistency is your thing and you had anything in your life other than gaming movies music, we will get along just fine, btw i do make art! we can share our arts or even work on collabs!

moreover i know the shtty situation when you're a guy and you meet another interesting guy but then you get ghosted because turns out he was mostly just looking for some gf, im absolutely not like that!, even if you're a guy which is what im more comfortable with ironically, you're more than welcome, if you're here because you felt alone, i can talk but not everyday, though i will do what i could.

i used to be insecure about myself and this maybe the first time i admit it, my mtbi type is most likely esfj or something with an s and a j idk &_&.

Hi all, was wondering about your past or current experiences with ENFP peeps especially male ENFPs (since Im a guy), were they positive or negative? What do you like about them, and what do you dislike?

My ex was an INFP and I think I really did bad job understanding her way of thinking and her emotional dynamics. Hope to find some clues what could've been done differently and the reasoning behind our pretty turbulent 5 year relationship.

I've been trying to become far more productive over the past couple of years, but despite seeing improvements in so many other areas my inability to avoid freezing up when faced with difficult, overwhelming and/or time-sensitive tasks continues to haunt me.

The most recent example of this phenomenon happening is my recent college applications, where the moment I even attempt approaching the college website to start my body and brain both freeze up. The combination of not knowing where to begin or what to do causes my body to enter a state of frozen panic. My muscles tighten, my breathing becomes irregular, and it becomes borderline impossible to continue past this point. I usually end up retreating to some sort of pastime since I can't handle the pressure, but since the uncompleted task still lies in my mind, I'm stuck in a limbo of never feeling fully relaxed, too stressed to go do something else but too overwhelmed to actually face what's causing it in the first place.

This has gotten to the point where its causing issues in so many areas of my life. Any sort of problem involving paperwork like the situation above is where freezing is most common, but I've had it happen for experiences like cooking and learning to drive as well. I've tried my best to get help with tasks where I can and "just do it" where I can't (the only advice I've really been able to get from my family is "just do it," which is about as helpful as you expect) but the frequency and difficulty of it only gets worse as I try to be more independent.

Does anyone else here struggle from something like this? I'd really appreciate any advice if you have. I'm really tired of my brain's automatic responses controlling my life...

I feel like this wonderful strange boy fits infp.

whenever i like someone and i’m not comfortable/100% secure with them, i subconsciously act in a way i think is desirable to them instead of being true to myself

i’m pretty sure this is a normal experience, ofc everyone wants to impress their crush!!

but it’s god awful i hate it i hate feeling unstable with who i am and changing for someone against my own will to please them it makes me lose my sense of individuality

the same thing happens in group settings unfortunately but i also have social anxiety so that plays a part too

my fear of abandonment is killing me

I'm an INFP (18M). I'm currently studying automotive mechanics, and it's killing me. I just had a full-on panic attack today because of a teacher with a massive ego (god complex) and the insane pressure of exams and driving tests I know I'll fail.

The truth is, I never wanted to be a mechanic. I enrolled in this college just to get a diploma as fast as possible, so I could go to university later. I thought it would be easier than it actually is. I made a huge mistake.

What I actually wanted to study was IT (Computer Systems), because that's what I genuinely love - building PCs, taking them apart, fixing hardware, dealing with networks. I chose wrong, and now I'm paying for it with my mental health.

Also, I physically and logically can't bring myself to drive. I'm terrified of getting behind the wheel. I know it's not for me. But the worst part is that this college forces everyone to take driving lessons on their own premises as a mandatory part of the curriculum. It's not an external driving school; they make us do it right there, and there's no way to avoid it.

I realized I don't need to suffer. I need a college diploma to get into university, but I can get it somewhere else. So I've decided to transfer to a different college to study IT. But now I'm terrified.

• I'm scared I won't get accepted because my grades are average (mostly 3s, some 4s, but also some 5s).
• I have huge problems with motivation because of my depression and anxiety.
• I'm scared my mom and grandma will tell me I'm a failure for "giving up."

Is it okay to just want an easy diploma? Is it okay to quit something that's destroying my mental health, even if people say it's "the right path"?

^{I feel so lost and exhausted.}

^{upd: I'll try to reply to all the new comments, but for now I'm going to sleep and give my head a rest.}

i’ll give you a few examples: today i saw someone saying that if you have good self esteem, you won’t care about criticism or judgment

some common generic responses include saying someone wants validation, seeks attention, is needy, compares themselves to others, cares too much…

i always say that shallow people come up with shallow explanations for everything and these are some of them

i’m not writing this because of any personal attack or anything like that, just because i came across SO MANY answers like these while scrolling through reddit today… and this always makes me think of sensors 👀

okay, infps also love some stock phrases heheh but i feel like some sensors have nothing else to offer besides that, especially ESTJs. those in particular seem to make everything about wanting to show off lol

anyway, are there any generic responses you find yourself hearing often that don’t really describe you well?

out of the ones i mentioned, the one i hear most, although not that often, is that i care too much

i find it kind of presumptuous because it’s just my g&t 🫪 i’m easily stimulated by literally any bullshit lololol