Hello r/enfj!

I've never had the occassion to come by much but I have recently started dating one of you so of course I will be lurking your sub from here on out (it is so quiet compared to the other subs fr!)

So anyways just wanted to say hi! Feel free to ask me stuff (about the relationship or otherwise) :D

I’m 34 and looking for a new career I can really commit to. I relate to both ENFP and ENFJ, and my Strong Interest Inventory results were highest in Artistic and Social, with Investigative and Enterprising almost tied.

My background is in hospitality, events, customer service and rental administration. I enjoy communicating, explaining things and working with people. Good income is my biggest priority, and I’m willing to retrain.

Career counselling has left me with an overwhelming list rather than a clear direction, so I’d love some real-world perspectives.

What career have you found both satisfying and financially worthwhile? What qualifications did you need, and what are the downsides? I know personality type can’t pick a career for me—I’m interested in hearing what has actually worked for you.

I realized yesterday when I finished up volunteering for a shower program (I had initially goofed by pouring the wrong bottle into one of the little things we used to wash everything out because I hadn’t read the label) that a social work major might not be so bad for me. I had been kind of on the fence about it because, in spite of my sleep breathing disorder and sleep issues, I know that I want to eventually get to a point where I am making more money, and while it’s not impossible to get there with a masters degree in social work (I’m about to start a bachelors degree) it would of course probably be a lot easier and quicker if I went a different route. I actually walked out with a smile. I was genuinely very happy and I know that I want to do it again in the future. I had actually never really thought about volunteering to support our unhoused community before a friend of mine started hosting events for homeless individuals, but their events had inspired me and I know now that I want to support. Everyone I saw yesterday was a person first. I think the program is wonderful and another volunteer told me that the guests seemed very comfortable around me and comfortable approaching me. I had been considering becoming a case manager, but if I go into social work and stick with it (I could always get my masters degree in something else, though it’d take longer and might end up being less expensive. I was thinking recently about the least expensive ways to earn that masters degree but will figure it out) I think I want to go where the most money is. I feel like it isn’t impossible for me to move out of my income bracket which is something I was explaining to friends recently, but I need to figure out \*how\* to do it. One of them said something a girl in high school had also said, which is that I do seem like I’d have a bedside manner (but one of them pointed out I might not do well in a fast paced environment and seem like I’d do well working with children.) I wasn’t afraid of the guests yesterday, though a fellow volunteer seemed somewhat pessimistic given what I guess she had seen before. I think a lot of people in life are terrible but I thought the guests were wonderful and will not be hesitant when I return either.) A friend of mine who I thought was an ENTJ (I wasn’t sure though) or ENFP but now think is an ENFJ (always thought she is likely 2w3 or 3w2, I could see 6w7) suggested I seem genuinely extroverted to her after hanging out with her more recently, like seem like a sincere extrovert to her. I’m not technically extroverted though, I’m an introvert (I’m an ISFJ in MBTI.) I actually had been afraid once when I was in a rehab center but that was different. I was a bit younger and there for a family member.

I was told at the recent volunteering event that I was helpful which is something I am happy about, though I actually wasn’t necessarily going in with intent of helping out the volunteers but moreso with intent of serving our community members. I hadn’t thought about it enough before going to a friend’s event for homeless individuals but there aren’t enough resources available for people who need housing or some kind of additional support and I think it’s important to remember that we are all human at the end of the day. I wish I could have done more to help every guest we had. My immediate family members have also come close to homelessness before (at the start of this year) and I know that a lot of people just judge/don’t have enough empathy.

My therapist pointed out to me recently that I seem to be hard on myself, and to expect perfection from myself.

We had another in depth session recently. I was telling her about how I had partly wanted to ensure that I made blueberry muffins for my class well in part because I did not want to embarrass myself even though I knew there was simply the option of serving ritz crackers if they did not turn out nicely, but also because I had felt that someone who I was talking to had felt I might not be able to do it well when I had suggested I didn’t know how to do it (I had said I hoped they’d turn out well, they had said they hoped so too.) I didn’t want to, as I was explaining to my therapist, perform the task inadequately, but it was also about wanting to serve nice tasting muffins to everyone and just ensure that I wasn’t inferior. So I practiced multiple times because I had never baked before and when the time came people liked every batch. I didn’t hear from family, friends, peers or students that any batch I made ended up tasting bad. My therapist pointed out that I seem to set a particularly high standard for myself, and did not take the easy route here. I actually want to learn how to make more recipes (banana bread and I think brownies were recommended on here so now that I think I know how to make blueberry muffins I’m going to find a healthy banana bread recipe.)

I was actually thinking more today about how I actually do want to start eating healthier. I ended up having McDonald’s for lunch at work today, and when I got home I ordered fast food again but tried to make sure that it was from a healthy place (which was still not smart, but.) I know that I could learn how to cook and actually do want to learn it, but in the moment I guess that had just felt quicker even though it wasn’t smart.

I don’t take great care of myself (which is I am sure partly related to my struggles with depression) but I have realized more recently when reflecting that I am actually starting to care more about financial stability in a man over, well, looks. I have never properly “dated” but am starting to realize that due in part to low self esteem I have just never really had standards. I’ve been approached but never from what I remember by a man of means (and even then I don’t necessarily care about whether or not he is “wealthy” - most men nowadays aren’t - but about whether or not he is decent with money, which a lot of people now aren’t.) An older friend of mine (40) who I more recently just definitively turned down for what he was seeking (which, even though he didn’t explicitly say it, was clearly primarily sex) actually messaged recently in a group chat between he and another friend of mine noting that he will be able to pay now to go thrift with us (he already went though he hadn’t gotten anything because I guess he was sincere about not having been able to afford to) and wants to do it this weekend in preparation for an interview. I am excited for him, but this reminded me further of why I was telling our other friend on the phone after I had let things go a little too far that I didn’t think going through with it would be smart. I think he’s an ESFx 2w3 and I had also just known deep down inside that if I do end up having a serious boyfriend later on I’d have wanted it to be him. I actually am not very physically attracted to him and had never really considered it before but started to feel that way due to his personality after spending time around him, especially since I really love it when I feel like men acknowledge or suggest that I am feminine since I feel like people don’t tend to regard me as very attractive).) The fact that he can’t afford to pay for his clothing but was trying to… I shouldn’t say proposition, but willing to let things between us go far enough for us to sleep together at all (I didn’t let it go that far myself though. I actually drew a boundary there and was playful about it but knew it just wasn’t a good idea) when it could result in something as serious as pregnancy (even with protection or if I started birth control for this, which I didn’t think after being away was worth it even though in the moment I felt that attraction due to personality) is even more unattractive to me. I’ve never really been particular or insistent on a man who approached me being stable or good with money, but I’ve started to realize that it’s just too important. It’s an insult, even if you don’t think of it that way, to approach a woman for sex or a date when you can’t afford to take care of yourself. I’m not pretty and grow up hearing that I was unattractive and still feel like people sometimes look at me funny so I have never been confident that I could actually pull a man who was good with money or who was doing well for himself, but I’ve started to realize over the last month or so (I don’t know what’s shifted. It might be the fact that I’m inching closer to starting a bachelors degree, and beginning to think more sincerely about my goals and what I actually want out of life) that it’s really just poor decision making.

A guy I was talking to a few months ago about another man who I had wanted to date so badly (and he actually was into me, we got on very well immediately) mainly because he was handsome and I was very attracted to him had pointed out to me when talking about how serious his mental health issues are that he could “never take care of me.” I realized after hearing this that I have never actually thought of myself as being someone who should be taken care of by a partner of mine. It’s starting to really hit me that though I have been approached before by guys who were sincere it seemed in their attraction to me or feelings towards me, I have also encountered a lot of what I would quite honestly describe as bottom of the barrel men (and even then, I feel somewhat bad saying that, because at the end of the day we are all human and as time progresses I’m starting to think about that more even though I’ve always felt that people can be so nasty) who wouldn’t have offered anything more than a body. And as I was telling a friend recently, if I just wanted someone to sleep with, I could find that person. That doesn’t even mean I’m attractive, I don’t think so at all. It’s just that there’s nothing flattering to me about a man who can only offer sex (and on occasion, looks.) I’m still not quite expecting to find a man who will “take care of me” because I guess my self esteem still isn’t quite there, but I know now that there’s nothing wrong with asking for what you want, and saying no if a guy doesn’t meet your criteria. Not being attractive doesn’t mean you have to accept the bare minimum or have no standards at all. I’ve met women who are also not “pretty” that found men who seemed really into them and weren’t disrespectful. I don’t know whether or not this will eventually happen for me - I had a boyfriend once in high school, and a guy I was seeing earlier this year who I was actually glad to call my boyfriend initially before learning how significant his mental health issues were - though I can’t help but hope for this.

I look: https://www.reddit.com/r/notinteresting/s/2KN9w4xRRO and https://www.reddit.com/r/Baking/s/Hs18lTopNM

In my free time I guess that I watch and rewatch movies (I rewatched some kind of wonderful yesterday actually, I was about to rewatch say anything for the first time in years but I think it’s a bit late so depending on what I end up doing tomorrow I might rewatch it and might not,) complete homework and as of late look into different pathways to try and think more about what I might want to do. I wrote this about some kind of wonderful if you’re curious about how I think:

“I just finished my first rewatch of “Some Kind of Wonderful” (1987) in years. I actually can’t decide on whether or not I thought the ending was fitting.

I saw this movie at some point in middle or high school because I had read online that if you didn’t like pretty in pink, you’d like this one. I liked this one, but as the film neared its end I was feeling conflicted.

I was actually really starting to like Keith and Amanda as a couple, which is part of the problem. I think that Amanda (who was also Lorraine in back to the future, an 80s trilogy I grew up playing over and over again on the DVD!) and Keith would have been an unconventional couple. I was sorry about the way he was treating her on their date initially, but I don’t know…

It’s not that I have an issue with Keith and watts ending up together. It’s just that as it was starting to near its end I was beginning to feel like there wasn’t enough buildup. I think it was obvious that watts had a crush on Keith, but Keith doesn’t really seem like he notices it until the scene after the party when his mind flashes back to his passionate kiss with Watts. His kiss with Watts was the only time in the film where it seemed to me like he was attracted to her or returned the feelings to an extent. I remember towards the end I was thinking to myself “okay, part of the reason why I might want them to end up together is because watts obviously has a huge crush on him and it makes me sad for her.” I actually felt like the relationship between Keith and Amanda in some ways was starting to feel more… genuine, mutually, if that makes sense. Watts’ feelings for Keith were clearly sincere, which I think was great work on part of the actress. I’ve had that big crush before on a guy who didn’t seem to return the feelings and I know how much it hurts. I don’t think most people would agree to practice kissing someone who they thought was really unattractive (as a woman, I know that personally I wouldn’t) and the way Keith reacts afterwards shows that he clearly liked it. He seems annoyed by Watts’ behavior (jealousy) as the film progresses up until that scene where he remembers their steamy kiss after he and Amanda walk out.

But what bugged me so much is that as we reached the end I realized that I did not \\\*genuinely\\\* ship them, not more than Keith and Amanda. Even though Keith and Amanda did both initially “use” each other (and I actually thought Amanda pointing that out was very astute. I hadn’t thought of it that way but when she said it I immediately knew that she was right) I actually felt they seemed like they were making progress. The chemistry was there, but they were also conversing like adults. They were communicating, and the fact that Amanda liked the initially less popular Keith was actually intriguing to me (she lost her popularity due to it, but she seemed like she was somewhat more attracted to him in the beginning than she was willing to admit to friends and her being able to move past that peer pressure was actually very mature of her and seemed promising.) Watts’ displaying such strong jealousy and being mean about it wasn’t ideal, but I also do understand that (given it’s said they knew each other as early as 3rd grade) she’d likely had a crush on him for years that was never realized. I can see that you might have to put yourself in her shoes to an extent, because Keith had surely never noticed her before - had never really complimented her until the kiss scene I’m guessing, or seemed to really think of her as a dating prospect - but I just wish there had been more hints on Keith’s end, more of a conflict, even a subconscious conflict, shown. To me most of the film (as much as I enjoyed it.

The jokes were funny and it was nice to see a more tomboyish character in a John Hughes movie, and interesting to hear some kind of reference to LGBT people in the film) was just Watts being jealous and Keith seeming frustrated about it. The kiss scene between them really was the only real hint on his end. The product was solid but I almost found myself ending it preferring Keith and Amanda, in part because I feel like due to Watts’ understandable jealousy we don’t actually get to see much of Keith and Watts’ dynamic. The only reason why I was okay with them ending up together was because Watts clearly had the biggest crush ever on him and as a girl who has never been considered “attractive” (and especially wasn’t considered attractive in school) I could relate to that to an extent. I just think that the ending between Keith and watts over Keith/amanda would have felt more “earned” if we’d seen signs - even subconscious ones on his end - that Keith was attracted to watts or didn’t think she was unattractive, and if we’d seen more of their dynamic as friends first.”

I’m ISFJ. Something I recognize about myself as an adult is that I am still somewhat hesitant to put myself out there in the dating world because of things people said about my appearance in school. I have actually been at middle schools more recently and when working with 6th graders was really thinking to myself “oh, these are kids.” I actually don’t remember a lot of people I went to middle school with and think it partly bothers me because it was a trust issues thing to an extent (I didn’t know so much of the grade were apparently criticizing my appearance behind my back.) I’ve never felt truly protected as an adult and really have found that I like it when I feel like a man acknowledges that I am a woman (the guy who I more recently turned down because, even though I really like him as a friend, he wasn’t really offering anything, had put my shoes on for me. I actually don’t have pretty feet. But the way he was talking to me in the moment was very attractive to me) and I’m actually the type who feels bad but is also intrigued by it when a man is jealous or willing to defend me physically (if threatened by another man.)

Can you tell if someone is secretly really smart?
If so, what are the signs?

Does anyone else that’s an ENJF like you don’t easily cut people out of your life but once you decide to close a door, do you guys like never want anything to do with those people ever again?

And another question does any other ENFJ have a hard time having super close friends in a friend group, like you can easily talk to everyone but it’s always surface level and you rarely ever end up connecting with people on a deeper level?

At the end of the day you just kind of are alone even tho you’re probably the most outgoing person out there

Is this the case for anyone else?

This person got offended that someone shared his bad experience about an enfj and that enfj can be highly narcissistic or have NPD.

She kept defending Enfjs, and I contradicted her agreeing with the other person. She kept repeating the same thing, so I told her she needs to self-reflect.

She then DM-d me, twisting my words saying I told her "she needs help" and that Im mean to her, when in fact I was just disagreeing. She called me a narcissist and blocked me and using words like DARVO implying I'm some sort of master manipulator.

Edit: censored it.

Well, it turned out that me being enfj is what caused my adhd, which is almost gone as long as or my needs are met. Help. Is that even possible?. Help. I feel others and it's too loud. Help

hello everyone, I've been doing some really interesting research over the past few years into all the different mbti types and blood type personalities which are very popular in China, South Korea and Japan. Just a quick summary for those who are not familiar with the blood type personalities concept it's essentially like mbti but it's based on the different blood groups and it's taken very seriously in parts of Asia.

The research I've been doing was primarily of surveying all the different mbti types and asking them what their blood group was and correlating it against their mbti. I found that there was a significant pattern taking place with the different types and they pretty much always had the same blood group for a particular type and then the minority would have an anomalous blood group that didn't fit that pattern trend. In this research I have noticed that the vast majority 98% of ENFJ-A's typically have O-Negative Blood, and 2% have anomalous blood groups that don't fit the pattern.

Another interesting mbti/blood type pattern I have found is that INFJ-A's usually 90% of them have A blood, 5% have O Blood and then the remaining 5% are anomalous blood groups that don't fit the pattern. ENFP's I've found to be overwhelming O Positive.

we both are made of stars. maybe from same star at some time. maybe from different star. millions or billions of years , may we were close. maybe few millimetre away. maybe we didn’t wanted to separate, but we exploded and separated . after all this time , i think we met again . it’s like maybe i craved for you , from billions of years . now that we were here , still some forces took u away. maybe for sometime of my and your life time . or maybe again , for billions of years. or maybe for eternity . i still have hope. we will meet again , maybe after death as one. or maybe again in some different form just like a star, or human , or a rock. we will touch again . we will maybe share those electrons again with the touch. maybe we will sense again each other , with the smell , the taste , the touch , the sight or the voice . maybe we will feel the presence of each other again. i do not know anything.
the “we time “ we had was little . i admired u. i do not know why. why it felt something. was it love , or just another reaction. but it felt like i needed you. i am not sad , not happy. i am just drifting deep into the oceans , deep into the dark space , hollow , nothingness , my consciousness is getting numb. i always felt it is my mistake . that maybe i couldn’t explain myself. i couldn’t free you , from this world, this society.
i may sound like a fiction , or insane or out of reality . but is that what life is ? the illusion , the mystery, the finite fiction.
i do not even know now, of anything if it matters. i am not depressed , just lonely , just like the god . just like this universe , just like a star,just like you . just like everyone else , being on illusions , romanticizing their life , their existence , with colours , colours of leaves .
what is eternity ? who am i ?who are you? what is this all? i do not know . the question is not about if i should come back to the fake world and start romanticizing again. the question is about “can i do it again?” do i want to ?

So yeah i made a new friend while i was studying but like we were just classmates ig

But now we are working together and spend the whole day together sit together, eat together etc.

And she is nice , maybe its not an isfj thing. But she's a hypocrite kindof. She complain about some of our coworkers but then is very helping and nice to them hugging them etc.

She's very clingy, she has jokingly ig told me many times to not make new friends she doesn't like it . And is always watching me like a hawk whenever i ak talking to someone else. But is very close to other coworkers.

And also her treating me like shes my mother? Like someone going for something and she be like " my name you should go with her." Its not like i wasn't??

She is very sensitive, she once told me she cried beacuse i raised my voice a bit when she was asking me something. I can never answer with one word or a normal neutral response she will continue asking me why i said it like this? .

Shes judgemental, she is smart and we know you are smart, so when she asks for an opinion and someone gives it to her she will act all nice like yeahh ur right and then judge them for being dumb?

I can never ask her something she's very condescending when i ask her something about work related. She will continue to ignore what i say but is very sensitive if i ignore her. She will say i don't want to eat out or anything sweet since she's dieting than be moody when i don't give her the chocolate i bought.

And the thing that is annoying the hell out of me is this favor thing.

Like i will ask her if she wants some takeout and she will agree then when we're done eating she ll be like i only ate for you i wasn't in the mood to eat?? She has done this manyyyy times. For different things i have stopped asking her things and stopped giving my opinion.

So i am burned out rn . She has taken so much energy from me i feel like i can't even communicate with other ppl anymore.

Fellow ENFJ here 28, M from the UK, nice to meet you all! 😊

Hi there ENFJs i am here to tell you. You guys need to work on your people pleasing habits. Like wth guys , you like being a doormat or what. Become more evil. What are you guys even doing with your life. Cause I know you all are acting and are evil inside. Jk btw. Peace

Same

If you know you know 😂

- ENFJ MBTI memes

My BFF in highschool was an ENFJ (F/F). We had a blast and were VERY close. That said, we grew apart in life due to very different pathways after college (kids vs. no kids was the biggest difference). I felt like there was also this underlying expectation that she really expected to "heal" me. I do have a lot of trauma, and as she stepped into her career in personal coaching, I became a project she couldn't master.

Here's why I'm sharing. I am poly and have fallen hard for an amazing ENFJ man. I feel so many of the same patterns between us, and I just want to understand from lived experience what the real challenges are in a romantic relationship I need to be aware of.

Like, I know to my core HOW MUCH ENFJ REALLY DO ACTIVILY CARE for people they love. I'm already benefiting from it. I know this man feels my level of love and commitment to him too, BUT I am afraid of this previous pitfall, specifically of him giving and loving me so much that I end up letting him down somehow, or don't really know how to be there for him when it really matters. Honestly, it has always been hard to know when an ENFJ I know (even casually at work) need support because you all tend to naturally have your life in order 95% of the time.

I think most of my previous issues with the BFF were immaturity on both sides and me being overwhelmed with her expectations so I just ended up letting her go.

Obviously, I don't want this outcome again. I am not the same person. I've healed a lot! He's pretty balanced, and luckily with this pairing, communication will never be an issue, which is one of the reasons I am falling at hard. Talking and expecting honesty at all times seems to be an ENFJ universal love language best I can tell! It's so refreshing!

TLDR Ask:

- I'm looking for any stories/pointers from you ENFJ on how your beloved ENTP meets your needs?

- What have been the biggest challenges?

- I know how magical our minds and different ways of seeing the world is, and now that I'm "all grown up" and mostly healed, I want to learn, emulate, and become the type of partner that an ENFJ needs for the long haul!

TYIA!

Like the title. I had a crazy Thanksgiving last year that was Bravo worthy. Last year my youngest sister name K invited one of our other sisters V to Thanksgiving at T, another sister that all of us shares. V and T lets say have beef with each other. I asked K why she did that and she "assumed" its been a long time they should put their differences and so I had to break the new that V was coming over to T. So T thought I invited V over. Lets say it went downhill so quick...V said something that made T upset. Tears were made...there was yelling and some how I got kicked out because I didnt wanna choose sides. There is more to the story but I will keep the boring details to myself.

This year my mom's hosting Thanksgiving and nobody wanted to invite T to it because she can be very problematic. But K told T and her Husband about Thanksgiving and nobody has the heart to disinvite them. I hate the K assumes things and open up. She claims that T is mature and will hold every topic in her head but idk. My brother, my mom's boyfriend, my sister V and I just dont wanna let her in talking about personal matter because she will turn everyone on each other like always and say "Im only saying these things because I wanna help..." or "because I love you". When nobody wants to really hear it.

Idk why is it hard for K to read the room...she's a scorpio which is a water sign and I thought they were intuitive. I say Im glad I can read the room. I hope Thanksgiving doesnt become a disaster.

So I have a trip for Halloween weekend. It was supposed to be with somebody but due to some circumstances, they are not coming.
And I cannot get a refund on the Airbnb I booked, so it’s just me.
But other than that. I’m curious about my fellow ENFJ’s
For me, I like being around people and I like talking to people and I like making connections! I believe you guys will be the same

But this is a solo trip far from the city. And my question is have you guys ever done something like this before and if you did, how was it?

Heh, did he mean us and the ENTJ as our counterparts on the NT side of things?

I’m not an ENFJ, but I think ENTJ-INFP seems like it’d be interesting in the sense that I’m curious about how this dynamic would play out (ENTJ-ENFP too.) I feel like in these pairings both would have a lot to offer one another, and since enfp’s have stronger Te I could see them “getting” ENTJ’s more. I think the average ENFP and entj would get along better than the average ENFP and ESTJ (though I think Maria Von Trapp and Captain Von Trapp from the sound of music are an example of an ESTJ-ENFP pairing.) I think Sarah and Jareth (though Jareth was too old for her) from “labyrinth” (1986) were INFP and entj respectively.

I also think ENFJ-INTP seems like it has the potential to be interesting.

I’m also curious about INTJ-ISFP.