We’re in a t4t relationship and talk about the various facets of transness. I won’t talk about their own journey because it’s personal and i prefer to keep my partner’s journey and business off the web. me on the other hand i’ve always been more open about my queerness.

I’ve had my personal reasons for not doing anything medical, and although i am okay with vulnerability i am not an open book and prefer to keep most of those reasons to myself. I am already naturally androgynous looking, so i don’t need much physical masculine attributes. The thing is i want some effects of Testosterone: having a deeper voice, more muscle mass (i work out already and want to be able to retain/gain more bulk easier), and fat re-distribution. The thing is there’s some effects of T that i do not care for. I’ve asked in different lgbt groups and I heard you can micro-dose hrt. So i may start doing that in the near future and see how i feel about it.

I‘ve known i was on the trans spectrum since i was a teenager and have spoken to a professional about it and it was confirmed that i have some level of gender dysphoria. but because my gender identity isn’t fixed (and other personal life situations) i didn’t want to start anything medical yet. but as i get older i don’t want to keep “repressing” myself. That and…honestly sometimes it feels like i am not trans enough because i am nonbinary and haven’t done anything except for socially transition/come out to some people.

They have been supportive of me so far so its good to know if i ever do start i dont have to worry about being accepted by the person who owns my heart. Things are kinda looking alright.

edit: thank you for the support everyone it means a lot <33

Friend’s bday party
Theme: romantic goth🥀🖤

1. Tami Williams
   
2. Liya kebede
   
3. Melodie Monrose
   
4. Adia Coulibaly
   
5. Alicia Burke
   
6. Debra Shaw
   
7. Maria Borges
   
8. Ajak Deng
   
9. Chrystele Saint Louis Augustin
   
10. Noémie Lenoir
    
11. Nyasha Matonhodze
    
12. Mayowa Nicholas
    
13. Tomiko Fraser
    
14. Aya Jones
    
15. Oluchi Onweagba
    
16. Kiara Kabukuru
    
17. Brandi Quinones
    
18. Anok Yai
    
19. Iman Abdulmajid
    
20. Waris Dirie

Maybe this is weird of me, but whenever I'm in hard times I think, "My ancestors were slaves who survived horrors I'll never be able to imagine, and who still found the strength to not only live, but change their world--get your ass up."

idk, I'm not sure if its performative, but its one of the few things that brings me strength when everything around us looks so bleak

When that man said what he said at his rally about Nicki Minaj’s backside and she stood up in front of the audience showing it off, Sara Baartman came to mind. Although Nicki is being a spectacle by her own will, it does seem like the GOP trots her out on display like a circus act.

Basically what the title says. I’ve seen alot of discourse about this online and I’m curious about your thoughts.

I have no system imma give them in. Imma scroll up and down and land on name with my eyes closed. At like 10pm est (giving mods time to approve post) will be back to see if anyone commented they want one.

If you see stuff online you want to buy I suggest you buy asap so it doesn’t go out of stock. Sephora only does this twice per year unlike Ulta so people stock up and buy gifts now.

My bad babes had to redo the post from yesterday it was saying who I was 🥹

We up to 14 codes to giveaway ladies. Two other people in comments said they have some too and will pick from here as well.

I wish we had enough for everyone if we was in person i would take you in store and use my account for you 🥺

I sent all my codes. Other people may have some to send tho so won’t be deleting the post if anyone else wants to ask or give.

I love my bf he is still very attractive. The only thing is he need to lose some weight. Idc for him to be jacked or anything but it turns me off a little bit. And ig i miss his jawline and slim face as well. We been together for basically 4 years but he was skinny up until last 2 years or so.

He has always ate big plates of food but I think whats been increasing his weight so fast is the snacks. He has been buying whole cakes and pies for himself to eat. It went from buying 1 slice of cake to a whole container. I know he likes sweets but thats just too much. I brought it up before and he got kinda defensive and said “What? I cant have a snack?”

Anyways how do I have a serious conversation with him? He likes to go on walks sometimes so I was thinking of getting him a walking pad for Christmas or would that be too passive aggressive?

I am a 30-year-old Black woman living in Europe, and I have never had a boyfriend. I have no friends. I never learned how to style myself, put on makeup, or anything like that. I'm overweight. And yes, I feel like my life is over. It's not moving.

My attempts at dating have gone wrong Autistic women get used more! It’s hard to not think I have some responsibility in the incidents. I wish both issues did not happen. I did post this in the autism sub too. I wish I wasn’t so sexuality frustrated. Then I wouldn’t have been in theses situations.

I 26F was on tinder last year and the amount of weird comments I got from guys that first messaged me were messed up. Yes I know you guys sons are adult’s. And that u may not want to get into that.

But cmon I feel like some men the ones I dealt with need to be reminded of boundaries. I was in a failed situation-ship and the guy would cross boundaries and I wouldn’t listen to me when I would tell him to stop.

I had to ask him like 3 times. Before he stopped doing sexual things to me. It felt uncomfortable but I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. I am working on my people pleasing.

I asked him why he didn’t. He said he was just having fun. This happened about three more times. And he would say he was just having fun. Each time. I should have stopped talking to him after the first time.

This man also has called me boring, naive, slow as hell. He said I have a low self esteem. And that my friends didn’t like me . That I look uncomfortable with them.

After all of that. This happened.

We were supposed to end our situationship, but things took an unexpected turn. He was the one who suggested having a closure meeting, but he refused to meet in person as originally planned. I still wanted to talk, so I went to his place.

I initially sat on the floor because I didn’t want to tempt myself, knowing I was sexually frustrated. We talked for about an hour before I moved to the bed because I was tired of sitting on the floor. He eventually pulled me toward him, and we started cuddling, kissing, and touching. It felt good physically, and his comfort felt nice, especially after two weeks of arguing.

We were only supposed to grind on each other, but he slipped inside me four times. I suspected he was inside me and moved each time, but when I asked, he told me to relax and said he wasn’t. He later claimed he was only halfway inside for 30 to 60 seconds each time. I couldn’t see clearly because of our position and his hand blocking my view.
He said he did it because he was having fun and didn’t tell me.
Afterward, he called me “slow as hell” for not realizing what was happening, even though he knows I have Autism. He also said it was a “win-win” because I got closure and he could brag to his friends about having sex with a virgin.
When I told him you accidentally didn’t go in. He said I could believe whatever I wanted.

Now I feel icky and have some regrets about how things happened. I feel upset that my first possible sexual experience happened this way. My parents and friends warned me about him, but I went anyway. I’m started therapy because of this situation. I feel shitty and want to understand why my self-esteem is so low that I tolerate men treating me badly.

We kept talking still even after I said we should end things. And he eventually he SA me and strangled me. This happened end of 2025.

He also stole my phone. He broke his probation again so he is in jail right now. He failed his drug test. He wasn’t supposed to be because in jail trial hasn’t started. And if he doesn’t plea the trial will happen in 2027. I won’t say his name due to court cases and you have to be private somewhat. But I want to vent still.

My low self worth has gotten me in some bad situations. The first guy before him I talked to was a pathological liar. He approached me on my college campus when I was 23. In 2023. He lied about his age telling me he was 24. Why did he choose me to approach. I do take responsibility for going to basically a strangers house.

Do I look naive. I do look a little younger for my age. As in during that same year a 19 yr old approached me wanting to get to know me. Due to the age gap I said no.

I saw his Facebook later on and found out he was grown in 2012. I was 12 then. Yes I’m an adult . Yes I know it’s legal . But I don’t like big age gaps. I figured he was at least 30 something.

He told me he looked older bc he went through puberty earlier. And is just hairy. Me being autistic I believed him. He ofc never told me his age. He also had several kids I found out about on his facebook page. He got pissed off when I didn’t want to do more w him. Due to being uncomfortable.

That I missed out on a blessing. I do now realize he did want to get me drunk and high. He offered me alcohol when I went to his house. I know I should not have gone. He also offered me weed. I did one puff. But then I said no. He got mad I wouldn’t take more. He fingered me for the first time. He then I got mad I wouldn’t have sex w him. Now it’s all pretty obvious he was older. I now realize he didn’t go to the school. He hung around the school. His name was Alonzo.

I also have level 1 autism and can be socially unaware. Which I know now definitely was a big factor in these events happening! These men were both non autistic.

Now I’m somewhat traumatized and don’t want to talk to any men in a dating way yet! Or I may only talk to autistic men. Even though I do want a boyfriend. I always wondered what do these guys parents think? Are the parents the same way? Or are they genuinely clueless?

Idk why this seems like such a secret 😭 i cannot find a good kinky curly wig to save my life! I want one that really poofs up, has a heart shape, and can pass for your real hair. the ones I’ve tried in the past always lay too flat even when they’re short.

The ones I want to try end up having mixed/negative reviews. They never come looking like the pictures. I’m tirreeddd

Hey everyone,

So a few months ago, I was dating someone a couple of months younger than me and we hit it off. Now, I talked to men before but never went on a date until I met him (I’m in my mid 20s). While we were dating, I was very upfront about my political views as a black feminist and someone who rejects respectability politics as a means of “equality”. Long story short, we dated for a couple months, I lost my virginity to him, and then he dumped me a few weeks after claiming that we were incompatible. During the midst of this, I communicated how difficult and new this entire experience was but that I was willing to continue to be with him if I knew where his head was at (we were dating a while and he could never tell me where we were headed). While I’ve come to terms that we were not compatible, I don’t understand why he waited that long to tell me nor the reason he made me comfortable enough to lose my virginity if we were so different. The intimacy was pretty intense for the both of us which makes this situation more jarring for me. My questions for everyone is 1. How long does it take you to discern if someone is compatible with you and 2. How can you tell if someone is telling you the truth when discussing your values or just telling you what you want to hear?

Hey, so basically I have my friend. We were vibing, having fun u know cool. But the he said he's mostly interested in white women, nothing wrong with that, like who ever you like. But then he says white women are better than other groups of women, that black and white mix is better than black and black mix, he said that that my sister who is biracial is prettier than me that she's up there and I'm down there just because she's mixed. And then l confront him and I'm like if u find my sis pretty, that's okay, that's your opinion but it's not really good to tell someone who u find unattractive to their faces, and then he was like its the truth, you know the truth hurts stuff and stuff. I'm like you never know what people are going through because I suffered from low self esteem and depression and probably why you should keep some comments to yourself. I decided to distance myself for the sake of my newfound confidence and am wondering If I overreacted?

I dunno if any of you can relate to this but.. I wasn't always a people pleasure, my family bullied me into becoming one. I was known as an overly sensitive and angry child, so at age 10 I decided I'm going to be nicer and keep my emotions hidden.

Fast forward to my adult life, and I was constantly worrying about making others upset, getting in trouble, worrying I said or did the wrong thing and constantly apologising.

But, recently I started a new job and I'm noticing that I'm not so anxious about upsetting people. I'm actually going back my old "angry" self, because these new coworkers are starting to piss me right off. I'm being blamed for tiniest mistakes, being micromanaged.

Almost every day something happens that I'm blamed for because I'm new and I'm always having to defend myself. I'm trying to stay professional so I can keep my job but it's really hard not to snap at them sometimes. Also, I've noticed some managers tend to be really hard on new hires and then become more easy on you after you've proved yourself. But in the past I would've been so anxious about this treatment, now I'm just pissed. Being new at a job is just so frustrating sometimes.

I don't really know what responses I'm expecting for this post tbh, just venting. If any of you are/were people pleasers, were you always like that? Did your upbringing influence it? How did you grow out of this?

(24/F)

1. How do you all make the hard decisions in life? The decisions you do not want to have to make but you know that you need to for the well-being of yourself, others, and for the betterment of your life?

2. How do I bet on myself?

growing up, my mom had an obsession with “clean eating” and weight loss. she constantly lamented about the weight she gained after having me and my siblings. if she went on a diet, we all did. and it was annoying bc that could mean smoothie-only breakfasts or multigrain french toast that tasted like what i imagine mouthing cobblestone feels like. if i wanted to get seconds of something (during a puberty especially), she would always say something like “be careful, you don’t want to look like me” and point out the flab on her body. i was homeschooled so i never got a break from these comments.

i developed some pretty bad eating habits, which made me gain weight anyway. as a teen i developed fast and constantly got told to “leave things to the imagination.” and if i wore baggy clothes? i wasn’t making myself attractive for men (i’m gay and hated that). i was diagnosed with PCOS in college during lockdown and my mom watched my journey with wonky weight before and during that time. as i was barely 6 months in, my mom told me that if i was going to be a lesbian not to be a fat one. what really was the last straw for me was when, after a year of finding effective treatment, she had the nerve to tell me to remember to eat (this is when my treatment and routine showed a visible difference). as if i wasn’t working and keeping a balanced appetite for the first time ever. i was losing so much weight, and not in an unnatural period of time. since then, it’s been hard to return to that baseline weight. part of me feels like she cursed me since then because maybe she was jealous of me. i don’t know. i love my mom, but i don’t like her (she told me this as a kid and the feeling has been mutual for a while).

Curious how do y'all feel when people say "I love America"?

A lot of times (not always) the context is from white men who are liberal or kinda left who are like "I love my country but we need to change" and they typically acknowledge the history of how America was created, but it feels off to me personally.

Can you just love the people as a whole, is there a meaning that I'm not seeing? I think loving your country is fine in general, but something about loving America specifically throws me off and I can't explain why.

It might not be a big deal to some, but I wanted to hear different perspectives on it if anyone has any thoughts.

I'm not sure if there's a better flair to use so let me know if there is a better one!

DISCLAIMER: I’m not a black American.

I’m essentially wondering what happens when a demographic group experiences racism and marginalisation from the dominant society, but also reproduces anti-Blackness against another marginalised group, and if one’s own minority status makes that racism harder to challenge.

I know you can’t generalise, because there are Dominicans, Puerto Ricans, Cubans, Mexicans, etc., and everyone is different. But I think about Latin American racism and the type of pigmentocracy that exists in many of these societies which is inherently anti-Black. Couple that with the fact that some immigrants come to America with this racial status seeking which adopts the idea of hard work and thrift but punches down on black Americans as a form of assimilation.

I know white non Hispanics are the ones that set up the system, but if you have an identity as a minority, does that sometimes absolve you of white guilt and give you the comfort of getting away with casual racism that white people might be more readily called out for? For example, the prevalence of the N-word among some Mexicans, or the blatant colourism and racism in areas with large Hispanic populations e.g Miami among some Cuban Americans or El Paso among some Mexican Americans (KKK incident…yikes). My concern is that, at least there is some sort of effort in mainstream discourse to disavow and dissect racism perpetrated by white Americans. However, when it comes to horizontal hostilities between minorities, there seems to be more trepidation about addressing them because of the groups’ minority status.

I wonder what this will look like in the future when America becomes majority minority, especially if a minority group’s racism goes unchecked while that group becomes more prominent in American society.
I’ve heard that, in parts of Florida, people who don’t speak Spanish and have darker skin can be treated very badly; sometimes it seems almost like an open competition to see how racist people can be.

I’m an outsider looking in, so perhaps some of my generalisations are incorrect. I’d genuinely be interested in hearing from Black Americans about their observations and experiences. What are their relationships with different POC communities like? How strong is the allyship between these communities, if it exists at all? And is there any nuance or context I’m missing? Are things not all that bad?