I am in my early thirties. I am at this point in a middle-management adjacent position, though in this particular role I am in at the moment its really more about delivery and being an SME.

I know that people think I am too direct. At the same time, I frequently feel like my 'directness' is only a problem because I am woman and if I had the same qualities and was a man, it would never be construed as being an issue.

Further, I have often had comments about my personality made in ways that are just objectively inappropriate. I've had performance reviews where the comments have been "your work is fantastic (this is where the review should end) but I don't feel close enough to you" or "I don't think you smile enough" or "you aren't super friendly to me" or "I want to fly up to your city and get a beer and really work on our dynamic."

Because of my sense of justice and just general thing of not entertaining misogyny, I have stopped really caring very much about how my directness comes across. In my mind, I am here to get something delivered, I say what I think, I hope it is useful and I go home. I really don't enjoy having to wrap expertise driven advice in small talk or having to say "omg girl I am struggling so bad with getting these docs I need...I'd love if a comms email went out from you because you're so good at it" rather than "hey for our deliverable I need comms to go out and that's your role so can you do x?"

I don't think I am entirely faultless. I do think sometimes I can come across as combative or just plain unfriendly (the latter is somewhat intentional, I try to seperate my sense of self from work and find the best way to do that has actually just been to be completely disengaged socially). But I feel worn down by the constant knowledge and communication that my inherent personality and how I engage with work is 'wrong'. I have never had any HR complaints against me, the staff I manage have always liked me in any role I take. If my directness isn't an HR issue and doesn't translate into bullying or discrimination, I don't necessarily see the issue.

And I feel exhausted by the implied and sometimes explicitly stated expectation that I, as I am, am not pleasant enough, good enough, and need to change my affect when the men in roles above me are just as direct but also frequently sexist, rude, or make inappropriate workplace comments. I also have a mother who is just as autistic as I am and has been the at the top of multiple organisations - her directness is her super power and its always been her value add, but wherever I work its just never perceived that way.

To be fair, I don't think corporate is overall for me. I have skills and abilities (partially due to my ND-ness) that are very valuable. I can work very quickly and deliver high quality results that many other people simply don't. But the politics and social expectations really baffle me and make me feel constantly undervalued. I have been thinking about trying to re-skill into something where being competent and direct is overall more important than whether you say the right thing at the right time, but I am not sure if such a thing really exists.

On thing we struggle with is friendships. Sometimes, because people are "Out of Sight" they aren't forefront in our minds.

During my diagnosis the counselor asked me "who are your friends?" I literally struggled to remember these ladies I have know for over a decade. There's only 5 of them and I completely forgot one of them until I checked my phone later.

One thing you can do for your friend relationships: dedicate some time to sit down and "schedule later" messages to everyone you want to keep in touch with. A simple "how are you?" is fine, and schedule it randomly every week or so. This will keep your friendships alive. Worth the time it takes to do it.

How to Schedule Texts on Android (Google Messages)

1. Open the Google Messages app.
2. Type your message and select the recipient.
3. Touch and hold the Send button (or tap the (+) icon on some builds).
4. Choose a preset time or pick a custom date and time.
5. Tap Save (or Send) to lock in the schedule. 

How to Schedule Texts on Samsung Phones (Samsung Messages)

1. Open the Samsung Messages app.
2. Type your message and add the recipient.
3. Tap the (+) icon (or the > icon to reveal options) next to the text box.
4. Select Schedule message.
5. Pick your preferred date and time, then tap Done or Send. (On newer Samsung devices using Google Messages as default, you can also press and hold the send button).

iPhone How to Schedule a Message

1. Open the Messages app on your iPhone.
2. Go to an existing iMessage conversation or start a new one.
3. Tap the + (plus) button next to the text input field.
4. Select Send Later from the menu.
5. Tap the time or date prompt to open the scheduler and pick your preferred delivery time (up to 14 days in advance).
6. Type your message and tap the send arrow.

My son is almost 6 and he was diagnosed with ASD this past summer. Since starting school last year thins have been very challenging. We ultimately have needed him to take the special education bus for him to be able to get there.

But honestly, it is so hard to not feel devasted seeing him struggle with this. I have noticed his confidence go down and how cautious he is around other kids despite normally being a sometimes overly assertive kid at home. It is hard realizing that it is possible that school will never end up being a secure place for him, as the world really is not set up for us. I am terrified of him experiencing the same challenges I did as he gets older.

It is just heartbreaking to me to see him struggle and not be able to protect him from everything. Supports are so hard to come by as he has low support needs and availability is scarce. I just want to ensure I can offer the best support possible but oftentimes I feel at a complete loss lately.

The older I get (I’m old) the more of a “loner” I have become. I have everything I need… I have money, medical insurance, pets, a house, car, job, and I enjoy my solitude.

Now I wouldn’t mind going out with a friend or someone every few weeks but don’t really need that either. There is very few times where I thought ‘I wish someone was here with me’…

Additionally, I find doing too much or being around people as overwhelming. When I tell people I’m great alone or just want to be alone I get the guilt tripping and pressure “I just want to hang out”, “everyone needs someone”, “you can’t be happy just being alone at home”, “don’t you want to find someone to share life with”, “stay longer”… and when I answer they try to push me into how I’m wrong… like what?? my answer is my answer. Having to explain myself to people that don’t understand just makes me want to not even leave the house, saves energy.

Am I “alone”? Pun intended.

I feel very intimidated when I first meet new people and like to observe them for a while before I interact with them. This makes work a struggle because colleagues generally expect you to be friendly off the bat, and if you’re not, they kind of label you as someone not to talk to and ignore you. There are some colleagues I would like to interact with more after having little to no interaction with them so far. However, it’s hard to know if they don’t interact with me because they don’t like me or because I come off as closed off. How can I tell if it’s safe to approach them?

Hi yall, i just got Dx this morning with -Autism Spectrum Disorder
Without intellectual/developmental delay or significant language impairment, requiring support at level 1-

I’ve suspected that I’ve been on the spectrum for at least the last six years. Now that I know for sure, I’m not really sure how to feel about it. Nor how I’m supposed to navigate this.

I mostly went and got my diagnosis because I was having problems at work because my demeanor can come across as rude or tired. According to what supervisor told me privately.

I’m not sure how I should bring this up with HR. I’m not sure how to bring this up with my mom who tends to deny that there is anything different about myself. And right now my biggest fear is skill regression, which I’ve noticed has already started in terms of me not being able to mask as well in professional settings.

I suppose I’m just asking what helped you when you got your diagnosis and how did you navigate that?