All my life it’s been really hard to fit in with people because of my autism. But whenever I try to join a group with other autistic people, I can’t seem to fit in with them either. Does anyone else have this issue?

Wear black nitrile gloves at the dog park.

This is Dottie, my sister's gorgeous crackhead (border collie × cattle dog × kelpie mix).

She is ball obsessed. Small issue though, as the dog park session progresses, the ball becomes an amalgamation of slippery slobber. Think: cursed a rum ball.

I started wearing gardening gloves, but they still get wet, hold onto dirt, and need to be washed.

Recently I've realised that feeling unduly wet is a huge sensory ick for me. Love a shower or swim - hate feeling damp outside of that.

Today I decided to bring a couple of black nitrile gloves to the park with me.

BOY howdy, did it go the distance.

I mention black specifically, because of the colour options for most gloves, it's the least likely to draw attention. Like, medical blue or that latex colour is expected in a medical context. Whereas black gloves are seen in bars, tattoo parlours - basically anything outside of medical use.

Also - although not inherently more sanitary (that depends on how you use them/remove them), poop feels a lot more manageable to deal with.

Added bonus, grip.

But alas, the true benefit: I broke the vicious damp cycle of; touching nasty ball, hand bad, rinse in water bubbler, hand wet (bad), dry on pants. Repeat×10= damp.

Anyone else find that they've become less attached to gender as they embraced being ND? My appearance and behavior comes down to sensory comfort now, but even internally, I don't see myself as one or the other. I'm just... me.

My fiance and I love each other greatly. I'm (24) autistic and have OCD. They (25) have ADHD and likely autism. We're both very depressed, anxious, and burnt out.

We love each other, truly, but between full-time work, home, and the many little things that keep our lives afloat, we're both struggling.

The apartment is a mess and we're horrible at staying on top of things. We give every last spoon to work and have nothing left at the end of the day. Nothing for chores, communication, quality time. It's miserable.

I'm worried it's affecting our relationship. We both struggle to communicate with each other, set boundaries, and support each other wholeheartedly.

I'm just stressed about this all crashing and burning because of our brains lol.

Looking for anything really. Advice in maintaining a relationship like this. Or even success stories about you all finding neurodivergerse love.

Thanks.

Can anyone help me explain this? Is it just one of those unique things that sometimes neurodivergent folk end up with?

I am diagnosed ADHD and socially…many people suspect or joke that I likely have Autism but I’ve never been evaluated.

Anyway. I am hypersensitive to noise. I HATE loud places. I am hypersensitive to tight things: seatbelts, jeans, shoes. I quit ballet when I was 8 because my “tights were too tight” and I had a breakdown. My mom said I didn’t have to go that day, but if I didn’t, I would never go back. I was so angry at my tights I quit ballet on the spot.

But I have coping mechanisms for all these things. You know what I can’t deal with?

Chairs.

Specifically, chairs with straight backs.

Airplane seats. Arena seats. (Some) restaurant booths.

The people on either side of me and plane full of people and limited leg room, I hate but can deal with. I CAN’T deal with the straight backs of the chairs.

I dared to go to my first-ever concert last night. I am 31 and have avoided them because of noise and crowds and stupid fucking seats. But my stepbrothers were the opening band, and I was so excited, and then I sat in that stupid fucking concert chair and the back was so straight and so stiff my heart rate immediately escalated. I could barely breathe. I was going to cry. I was irrationally furious. My sisters tried to help but eventually I got up and wandered the halls of the arena ostensibly tearing up until I gave up and sunk in a corner and three lovely people, who did not know each other, all at the same time approached and sat with me until I felt better. Eventually I found a bougie bar seat that was unclaimed and pretended I belonged there and was able to watch my brothers’ set.

But it’s so bad, I’ve been prescribed Xanax and Propanolol for flights. Not because I’m scared of flying but because of the FUCKING SEATS. Once I can recline I can get by okay — if I have taken a cocktail of anti-anxiety meds AND alcohol (I know it’s bad. I do. I don’t know how else to travel on planes and be okay. I’m not trying to justify it). Otherwise I hyperventilate or sob the entire flight and feel so trapped I want to fight everyone (I’ve never been in a fight; have no desire to; and would lose the instant one started; but that’s how heightened I get).

I am well aware that sound/texture/fabric, etc. sensitivities are common amongst people with sensory sensitivity, but never have I ever met someone who struggles with straight. backed. chairs. the way I do.

Before we knew I was neurodivergent we used to hypothesize it was a trauma (-ish?) response. If I misbehaved when I was little, my dad would wrap me in his arms and hold me tight until I calmed down.

But you could wrap me in duct tape and put me in a reclined chair and I think I’d be okay.

Am I fucking crazy? Why do I fucking hate fucking chairs? Why do they totally overwhelm my senses and make me cry and want to punch god in the face? Is this some suppressed trauma? Does ANYONE else experience this?

EDIT: Hope you all can understand when I say I don’t have the energy to answer each comment, but hopefully you see this thank you. Whether it is Dysautonomia or a combination, it is EXTREMELY comforting to hear that I am not the only one. I will also do weird things in public situations to avoid straight backed chairs — turn them sideways, stand, (often) sit on the floor. Hopefully one day I will find a way to cope but for those of you who have taken the time to comment and share and commiserate: thank you. That is what I was hoping for tonight. 💜

I know a lot of us have the thing where switching tasks is hard, and getting out of bed is deeefinitely something I struggle with. I can literally lie there for two hours avoidikg leaving. Because getting out of the bed means getting up, brushing teeth, washing face, putting on clothes, and then leaving the room.

I also really want to try going to bed earlier so I’m able to do college work not at 1:00 AM anymore (I feel productive for Me Things at night, but productive for Other Things in the day), but it’s so hard! Nighttime is when everyone in the house is asleep, and I can kind of just… do my own thing in the room and feel alone? I think it’s because it feels like I’m living alone. I just really like the idea of being the only conscious one in the house, if that makes sense.

I’ve been going to bed around 8 AM (I do online college full time due to living in the country), and am hoping to start going to sleep around 4 or earlier and wake up at 12. No matter what I seem to do, it feels like the nocturnal sleep schedule sort of creeps up on me.

So, any tips? For either of these. Getting out of bed is SO hard, and going to sleep earlier is hard! Would love any advice. Thank you so much! :)

I do this thing where, if I don’t shave the hair on my fingers, I constantly rub them against my lips. The texture is sooo nice. Also, if I get excited or am even just thinking, my hands are held in a relaxed sort of position and my fingers start twiddling. What are some of you guys’? :)

I’ve always struggled with the ‘why’ aspect of procrastinating and although there is definitely a neuro/chemical aspect to it, I’ve realized that there is an emotional aspect to why I’ve struggled with ‘just doing it’.

When well meaning friends offer help or advice, many have said the latter. “Just do it.” And I realized that they consider that sound advice because they usually don’t associate performing a task with a particular emotion. Which also explains their unintentional judgement when we often can’t seem to easily perform the task as easily as they explain it to be.

Then I realized…no matter how depressed I was in the past, no matter how much I’ve struggled with ADHD, I don’t associate a particular emotion with fulfilling basic bodily needs.
I have a fear of failure but it would be absurd to have a fear of going to the toilet. Right?
To me at least, this makes so much sense as to why it seems so easy for normal people to do the task. Do the homework. Vacuum etc.

All this time I’ve procrastinated with reaching my goals because I associated doing homework with fear of failure. If that’s all I’m focusing on, of course it will become a fulfilling prophecy.

I take the emotion out the task. Do the task because it is the thing I need to complete so that I can achieve a greater goal. Just like how I feed myself or go to the bathroom with zero hesitation. It’s something I do to continue with my day/future.

Ok I don’t feel like writing too much but basically I’ve been suffering from burnout (adhd and I’m like very sure autism and ocd but I don’t have diagnoses so whatever) for like two months. I’ve been burnt out like a bunch of times before (it’ll happen every few months for like 2-4 weeks usually) but it’s lasting longer than usual this time. I’ve had it last this long before but the thing is I was at a school where like it genuinely didn’t matter if I failed all my classes cause they pass you anyway so i just like waited it out. This time however, well first of all it’s been two months and i don’t see it going away anytime soon, but also, I actually have to be able to do my work and pass my classes and stuff. Also, the burnout caused a huge fight between me and my friends so like now I don’t have them to talk to cause they still haven’t really forgiven me (lowkey don’t think it’s that deep but whatever not relevant lol). So yea it’s been bad I’m barely passing two of my classes and we’re gonna have exams soon and works getting harder and we’re getting more of it and all my friends hate me lol so I rlly need to get out of this already. Anyways I don’t have a therapist cause like id be too embarrassed to ask for one and also I don’t want my parents to ask a million questions and whatever and anyways like I’ve talked to my guidance counsellor some but only really about the friend thing cause like I felt really awkward cause like idk how it is in other schools but in my school guidance counsellors are more for school stuff and for mental health stuff you talk to a social worker but you need parental permission. So anyways my actual question is how do I get better without friends or like talking to someone? Cause like if I have to take summer school it’d genuinely kill me like I NEED that break and like maybe if I got out of it I’d be able to get my friends back (I’m giving them space rn so idk maybe I will anyway but whatever) and just in general like I’m going crazy and I need out. Anyways this is probably a stupid question lol but yk

I don't know why, but I get genuinely angry when I see people spreading misinformation on social media, especially when they do it just to get more views and engagement.

For instance, it really boils my blood when someone adds orange or milk to the moka pot and presents it as a proper way to make coffee, or when someone shares a lava cake recipe and calls it a soufflé.

I think what frustrates me the most is that people seem willing to sacrifice accuracy just to get more views. Why do you think misinformation, even about insignificant things, can trigger such a strong emotional reaction?

Does anyone else experience this? And how do you deal with it without letting it ruin your mood?

Is anyone else like this. I can relatively understand the feelings and social cues of the person I am speaking with, so I know when someone I am speaking with thinks I am lesser than them, or weird. In their head they have registered me as "Not on the same level as them" in some hierarchy, and I know that too, I can tell.

But I don't know what about me makes them think that. If I knew I would change it. I can try to act normal and neurotypical enough, but still there is SOMETHING about me that lets them know I am different. I am not like them.

What will follow is a way I am planning to explain my social interaction difficulties to my therapist next week. I would like feedback both on the model I am introducing as well as the approach (of course, general advice is also welcome).

First some backstory to make this comprehensible: I had lifelong mental health struggles and after a crisis in the beginning of this year I started seeing a therapist for 8 months now. In may/june I got diagnosed with ASD and ADHD (depression was already diagnosed earlier) and am on meds for ADHD since early june. Overall, almost all aspects of my life improved, but with regards to social interaction just about nothing changed. The crisis I had was also around this (amongst other things), that I took steps and actually succesfully put myself in situations with a lot of potential (moved cities and transferred to a much bigger university for my masters for example) and while I had plenty of interaction, similarly, absolutely nothing changed. While I basically self-diagnosed with ASD (to myself) for the better part of a decade, this led me to believe I might have cPTSD or even AvPD because, even with ASD, I just cannot explain where I am struggling. Clearly I lack socialization (dysfunctional family) and *something*, and I don’t really know what it is, but in the end I cannot say much more than in execution, I *genuinely* do not know what to do.

Now, I have some friends and no big trouble keeping that up. I have somewhat of a social circle (basically overlapping with my special interests). But I have no idea how to “make friends”, there are just a few people were it happened and I cannot really retrace what I did specifically. Let alone romantic experience, but I see that in the very same lane as the other problems. I have talked to my therapist plenty about this, tried different ways of explaining it. But I don’t think she really gets it (or anyone really). A few sessions ago I literally said “I don’t get it, you don’t get it. Let’s just focus on something else for a few sessions”. So we looked at some other things before returning to it last session.

So one theme I used in my explanation is to differentiate between “Step 1”, by which I mean casual-type interactions I have plenty of and “Step 2” which are “established relationships” as in structured/predictable and personal/intimate to a degree. I mean platonic, romantic, family bonds. And I know I do “Step 1”, I also have some experience with “Step 2”, as in I have people that I know I crossed that boundary with. What I need help with is “Step 1.5”, how you turn a casual into a personal relationship. But every time she gave me an advice it would be “Step 1” type, like talking to people. And my response would be “I can talk to people. I do talk to people. If I know anything for certain it is that just talking to people will NOT cross that boundary”. Like I know it’s a prerequisite, but clearly I need to make some changes to actually do what I set out. This all excacervates with age, meaning natural opportunities to meet people will only restrict. At least in my mind this is also why it has become so much more of a bigger problems compared to my school years.

Now, last session I think we moved forward. Thinking about it, I noticed a big problem was that I did not differentiate interactions and relationships when talking of “Step 1 and 2”, and this brought problems because I tried to relate it to another example. I was comparing my mind in a social interaction to a highway. I know there’s multiple lanes but I can’t really change lanes a lot, miss exits etc. because I will just follow through one topic (i.e. “staying on the lane”). Of course that strenghtens if I talk about my special interests, but is a general phenomenon. Like for example if I talk to a classmate about the class in a break, that would be the “lane” I am in. And even if I thought they would make a potential friend I have trouble “steering away”  from the “class lane”. 

So for the next session I have taken three specific things my therapist said and tried to expand the two analogies (Steps and Highway) into a model of social interaction to explain exactly what my issues are and “where” they occur.

This is the “script” I have prepared so far to start the next session:

I want to explain my question today, which boils down to “What am I supposed to do?” The goal is not to answer that question today, but to come to a common denominator of what my issue is, in order to make it possible figuring out which direction the solution might be. I will take up 3 things you said in previous sessions, all of which I fully believe are true, but contain a caveat. Every one of those is a “yes, but…”

But first, why is this question important? 8 months ago when I first came in I told you that I cannot imagine myself turning 30 and still having these same problems. At that point that mark was 4 years away. 1/6 of these 4 years has now passed. Problems with school, with motivation and others have vastly improved. But social interaction has not. I have had plenty of interaction in these 8 months. And as I told you before a factor in my crisis was that the year prior to coming in, the same thing applied. I was social, I had interactions, yet nothing changed. 

Which brings me to the first thing you said, “recognizing the depth of a relationship or interaction becomes easier with experience”. I believe that is fully true, it must be true. But if it’s supposed to get better with experience, but it did factually not get better with the experience of the past 8 months, or the year prior to that, or really my whole entire life, clearly something is going on. What is the experience that makes it easier? How do I get this experience? And we get to the question: “What am I suppoed to do?”

Which brings me to the second thing you said, “talking about feelings is a way to grow closer”. I also completely agree, talking about feelings is a prerequisite to any deeper bond, there is no other way. But what exactly are we talking about? Let’s imagine in the abastract a field that holds all possible interactions between me and another person. Somewhere in this field, probably at multiple points, there is this possibility of talking about feelings. Let’s give this type of interaction an arbitrary number, 1.75.

I think you naturally sort of bunch together 3 things under “1.75” that I would delineate. 1.75 can be a motivation, it can also be an action upon that motivation, but most importantly it is an interaction. So in this field of possible interactions, what does 1.75 signify? It means two people are talking about emotions. Sounds simple, but here’s the deal: Me having the motivation 1.75 does not mean it happens, me acting on that motivation does not mean it happens. It can only happen if two people do it. So I imagine something like this: My motivation leads to my action, their motivation leads to their action, our inter-action can be termed in the abstract “1.75”. So to put it in a sort of calculations we can say: A1(M1) + A2(M2) = 1.75. My action (A) is a “function”/variety of my motivation (M), same with the other person. If I have the motivation of talking about feelings and the other person switches topics (for example), the end result is not 1.75. I may also have another motivation and we still end up at 1.75, it is non-linear.

Why do I think this distinction is important? Because you say “try 1.75” and just mix all of that up, it might seem quite simple to do something out of that motivation. However I hear “try 1.75” and start grinding my gears, filling in the “calculation”. What I hear is “go into an interaction that ends up at 1.75” with no real knowledge in how to get there. So I fill in the “calculation” as my motivation, which leads both to an infinite regress (because it just repeats itself for every M1) and to including actions in my motivation, which are separate but also importantly include things outside my control, the actions and motivations of the other person. I get that I need to do something and that motivations cannot really be changed heavily, but it is rather a task to figure them out. 

So I am thinking: I lack a certain kind of experience, I realize I need to do something, I WANT to do something, I want to figure out what’s my A1, or a possible A1. But I do not know what it is.

(This part I am not sure wether to include:) Adding to that, what does talking about feelings mean? I can see a few different avenues. But in real world application, someone might talk about something I would register being “about their feeings”, but I have no info on how personal that is to them. They might casually talk about their family, and I could intepet that as some personal talk when it’s not. That might lead to some issues but is certainly not the main problem. I am quite confident I could navigate that, at least it does not seem hopeless. But of course there’s the other sie of the equation: I need to be talking about feelings, I need to present in some way (verbally and non-verbally) what I am about, what I am open for etc. So I need to “mask”, which I think is doable, which I think can be useful in many ways. But I do not know how, so again we are at “What am I supposed to do?”

Then I come to the last thing you said, “sometimes you have to brige a gap and make a jump to change the type of relationship”. Let’s go back to the field of possible interaction an order it in a way that certain interactions are categorized in different types of relationship. These can be casual or intimate, both in various different ways. And again, this is a linear expression of something deeply unlinear, so I do not expect this to make sense as a full model of social interactions. However, what it grasps is that “bridging the gap” is something that happens within a certain relationship and leading out of it. If I am university acquaintances with someone, every possibility to change that relationship type, wether to “consistent group work partner”, “casual friend” or “romantic partner” must come out of an interaction (or a chain of interactions) happening within the category of “university acquaintance”.

Now I don’t believe neurotypical peopel have any definitive certainty of “if I do x we’re gonna end up as consistent group work partners, if I do y we’re gonna end up  as casual friends and if I do z we’re gonna end up as romantic partners”. But, as far as I am able to tell, feelings give neurotypical people something like a very vague GPS. So you don’t know this “track” leads to casual friendship, but if you are moving towards that as an interaction develops, but you just want to stay acquaintances or actually have romantic interests you get something of a feeling regarding that, and do x or z as “course corrections” or attempts thereof. And of course this does not come from some innate knowledge, but from experience. The experience of knowing “if I do z that might lead to a romantic relationship”. And here I am, knowing I have “bridged the gap” with some people, at some point, but I look back and find nothing that categorically distinguishes my interactions with the people where the bridge was gapped and those where it didn’t happen. And I am interacting, quite often, with people, starting *somewhere*, moving *somewhere* for *some reason* and all I receive in “live updates” is something like “what a lovely conversation urban design”. Even if I had some clear indication of knowing I am platonically interested in someone, which is hard for me to begin with, I cannot draw the connection from “talking about urban design” to something like “talking about feelings” with the goal of “becoming friends”. Which is of course because nothing about the urban design conversation itself will give info on that, the “info” is on another plane entirely. So back to “what am I supposed to do?” And at this point I cannot even myself say what the question is referring to: is it knowing how to better identify my own motivations? Is it reading body language better? Is it masking better? Is it all of those? Is it something else? I do not even know where to begin figuring it out. But I do know having just another interaction with someone cannot help me if I don’t even know what I should be putting my attention towards, what I could be learning, where the experience arises that is supposed to help figure it out, or make it easier figuring it out (and of course, again, I don’t know what *it* is that I am supposed to figure out in the first place).

—-

This is more ornpess what I am planning to discuss, possibly over multiple sessions. I want to give one more piece of context. Right around when the diagnosis became clear my therapist recommended SSRIs (or rather to talk about it with the psychiatrist I go to for the ADHD medication) and I was asking “what experiences do you think I will have on these meds?” Because it was explained to me that what the SSRI is more or less supposed to do in my case is ease anxiety, make interactions easier and over time make me more comfortable with them. And while I did have anxiety and still do (around like 10-20% of what I had a year ago, so vastly less), I could not answer myself or get an answer from my therapist what experiences are supposed to actually ease the anxiety (I hope it is clear how this ties into the whole discussion above). I did not get on any SSRIs, but at this point I am more open to try because I grasp for something, anything, that might help. But I still think the most likely outcome would be having more interactions where I keep having no idea what I’m supposed to do. And this is not just my fantasy, as I have been on SSRIs in the past (escitalopram) where this exact thing happened and they didn’t improve my social functioning in any way, shape or form (while it may be more of a coincidence, my mental health actually decreased during the period I took it).

Now, I rambled enough. Give me your brutally honest feedback. Does any of this make even the slightest sense? Is it relatable? Have you figured out solutions to these problems? Or am I on the wrong track entirely here?

Hey everyone. I am wondering if anyone here has not been formally diagnosed with autism. and how you are thinking about it. I am currently weighing whether to get a formal diagnosis of Autism myself. I had a formal assessment for ADHD though.

I know the pros would be getting closure and confirmation. On the flip side, the autism assessment feels pretty lengthy and would cost a few thousand dollars. I also checked disability benefit requirements, and my symptoms do not cause the level of hardship needed to qualify. I am out of school, and while I do work, I am not planning to ask for workplace accommodations right now.

Is there anything else I missed considering in this decision? Let me know your thoughts.

I'm a 16 y.o girl. This is gonna be a long rant. So these past few months, I realized that I have not-so-little struggles. It's not big enough for anyone to realize it, but it really gets in my way. My life still goes on like ordinary people but sometimes I'm faced with struggles. I'm gonna list it here. Pls tell me if you have the same experience.

1. I can't control my emotions

I got too sentimental over everything lately. When my friend is being a little annoying, sometimes I feel like I seriously dislike them, even though that feeling would fade away and I didn't act it out with my friends, I just keep my anger to myself. Towards my little sister, I get even more easily irritated. When I mock her playfully and she argues back, I feel like I wanna punch her so bad. I sometimes ended up pinching and scratching her. I also disturb her on purpose until she's angry while she's doing literally nothing. I feel like I don't like my sister. Sometimes I think that I hate her. But we get along well when I decided to do nothing. I also holds grudges when my parents scold me, though it'll fade away. But It makes me scared. I don't want to become violent.

1. I sometimes have unwanted thoughts

Thoughts of sexual, incestuous (rarely), or dangerous things come into my head without me wanting to. It's not me wanting to do it like “oh my cousin's so hot I want to fuck”. It's more like a vulgar thought of someone doing sexual/taboo stuffs popping into my head out of nowhere. I also keep worrying about my parents not being fine. I constantly worry about it to the point that if I 'heard' a cry from my sister (even though she didn't, there's no one crying it's all in my head or she's just saying something normal but I'm worried it's crying) I quickly rushed to my parents room to find out if they were okay. I also feel like I wanna check up on my parents room at night, though I suppresses the urge to do it and just stay in my room worrying about them. When one of my parents call, I picked up, worried that it might be something bad. I can't seem to get those out of my head.

1. I can't stop procrastinating

No matter what, I can't bring myself to do the things I wanted to do even if it's urgent. I ended up doing homework or another important stuffs right before the deadline. Sometimes I force myself. But even with small tasks, I usually procrastinate and then I realize that I've wasted my day.

1. I feel burned out and empty sometimes

I feel like I can't do things the same way anymore. Sure, I still understand the stuff in school. I just.. don't feel like I want it (?) idk how to describe it. I also feel empty at night, I don't know why. My whole energy literally evaporates when it hits 6 PM. But I feel a little good when I take a walk outside like buying food or something

1. I can't do basic skills/chores

This is really embarrassing. I can't really cut with a knife. I mean—i can, but it's not even close to the average cut. I'm too scared of getting my hand hurts. When my mom teaches me basic techniques (not just knives, but cooking, sewing, etc.) I feel like I struggle to do it. Maybe it has something to do with my motoric skills? I also get too lazy to do chores. My body feels.. sore (?) when I do chores I don't want to do.

1. I cried if I can't bear something silly

For example, when I'm washing dishes but the water is running out because of some pipes trouble, I can feel the soap that's sticking to the dishes that can't seem to wash off properly, and the oils. It makes me really frustrated to the point that I cries out quietly and squirm my legs. It also happened with other things, like when I have to use a hanger and they're tangled in eachother. I seriously hate it and I feel like it's a dumb reason to cry.

Idk if I forgot something but it's all I remembered. I've told my dad that I wanna go to a therapist but he thinks it's a joke. I don't know how to bring it again and in more serious way. I can't just say that I think I'm neurodivergent. I don't know how I could get therapist. Something is wrong with me. What should I do?

i (F24) usually just stare, but i’m not good with eye contact so it doesn’t really do much lol. i wanted to compliment the guy im talking to, but i felt too shy to and didn’t know exactly what to say in the moment. i feel like if i keep not verbally flirting/complimenting it could potentially ruin things. any advice is helpful !

Does anyone have experience with joining these? An employer I unsuccessfully applied to in the past has one of these programs and they currently have another role I'm interested in. I am wondering if my joining this talent pool might help actually get my resume looked at this time.

TLDR: AuDHD mom wondering how to foster her ND boys (6, 3, and ~2) to thrive individually and collectively in the society we live in today without compartmentalizing them.

Hi everyone, this may be long so please bear with me.

I was diagnosed with ADHD officially at 33 years old earlier this year. Everything makes so much sense now and I spent a lot of time, I still spend time, grieving my childhood and early adulthood being undiagnosed and unsupported. Even early motherhood, as our oldest child was 5.5 when I was diagnosed. I have another psychiatrist appointment tomorrow to discuss AuDHD because o have been learning A LOT about it and it aligns almost TOO perfectly.

Now that our 3 boys are growing (they are 6, 3.5, and almost 2) I am noticing a LOT of neurodivergence in our household.

Our oldest has always been infatuated with dinosaurs. Every single thing is dinosaur related and he can relate any topic back to dinosaurs. He catches on and learns and retains VERY quickly. He loves to draw and color and is always drawing to the point he fills an entire 40-page sketch pad front and back in one sitting if I let him (I do but this is going to get expensive quickly lol).

He does go to kindergarten and he is so far ahead of his peers. He is taught something once and he can repeat it once and he understands it and retains it. He was reading by age 3.

I’m not saying this to brag, I am saying this because I do not know what to do for his brain and how to serve him to use his potential and not feel like I’m holding him back by boxing him into typical school. I was SO bored in school and hated it and I do not want that experience for him but he loves going to his kindergarten and thrives in the routine there. Being home he is a different kid so I am questioning home schooling and my ability/capacity to do so.

Our middle son is the extreme empath. He is only 3 so is still very impulsive but he FEELS energies intensely and internalizes almost everything. We’ve been working with him on building his confidence and vocalizing his wants/needs and that has helped but I worry about him becoming the person who empties himself caring for others (that is my flaw also and it is exhausting and I’ve had to unlearn that). He goes to “school” 3 days per week and he likes it but I know it drains his battery too. His class is very fast paced and transitions are quick and I know he goes along to get along but I think he isn’t thriving if that makes sense. He’s learning and he genuinely enjoys going but the mom side of me worries that it’s maybe too much. His Friday class is his favorite because it is very laid back, they don’t change rooms, it’s a smaller group, etc. so it’s a lot more like structured free play.

Our youngest is 22 months old and has already begun showing musical talents that I don’t think are on par for a typical toddler. He learns lyrics, inflections, beats, the way the musicians drum, strum, sing, etc. and can mimic it identically. Now he’s not playing Mozart at 2 years old, but we watch a lot of live performances and he is already mimicking the drummer, the pianist, he is singing the lyrics at the exact moment with the exact inflections, he is mimicking what the singers are doing with their hands and bodies…he is retaining music in a way our other two have not.

I am at a loss because I am feeling like while I am recognizing these things, I also don’t know what to do for each child individually as well as cohesively as a family. I get overstimulated very easily and need alone time. I know this is part of their ages and them just being more dependent on me so I tell myself it will get “easier” so to speak but I also know I am building the foundation NOW. And I am stuck in this loop of needing routine and structure but losing the novelty of it quickly. Honestly, having them in school is the greatest thing we have done (they just started in September) because the external pressure of having to be there is what makes me get up and get everyone dressed and out of the house every day. The days they don’t have school, it’s like a free for all here.

My husband works construction and is gone every morning by 5 and not home until close to 7/8pm and works almost every Saturday so it’s really me and the kids 95% of the time. He’s an amazing man and he loves his work so I appreciate what he does tremendously. We also believe him to be neurodivergent but he hasn’t been professionally evaluated. We’re hoping as he moves up (he’s made it to superintendent now) that his hours will improve so he doesn’t have to work so much but for right now, he isn’t available most times to help with the kids and the house. And I enjoy being home with the kids and making the house my work! But with two things being true at the same time, I can be exhausted by it as well as love it.

I guess I’m asking how do I allow each child to hone in on their individual talents and interests while managing three different personalities and ages as a neurodivergent mom? There are a lot of big feelings here every single day and I am burning out and then feeling immense guilt for not doing more with them.

it’s basically what the title says. It’s been brought up as a possibility to me before and there’s even lower behind it. Apparently, when I (25, F) was younger, my teachers brought up the possible concern that I may have ADHD to my mom (who also has advanced degrees is education). My mom felt like they were just trying to dismiss me and shove me into remedial classes, and she does have a habit of ignoring possible symptoms of any conditions I might have. When I was around 11, she also got mad that I needed glasses and my dad (who wears glasses) had to sneak and take me to the optometrist, and when we presented her with proof that I had astigmatism, she got even more mad.

Anyways, I posted in some career subreddits around a week ago complaining about my experiences with the job market and some people used it to dog pile me and tell me down and some people. Once again suggested that I might be neurodivergent so I decided since I’m 25 in my insurance is running out that I’m gonna use the last bit of my coverage to get a diagnosis if I have one.

I made a follow up post in the career. I’ve read it. It’s trying to talk again about the struggles that neurodivergent jobseekers might face, and as usual, I was met with the same Reddit dog piling and dumbass condescending remarks. I tried to ask why people were telling me that I might be neurodivergent and then people said that because I was asking questions about their online arm chair diagnosis that it was proof that I had a personality disorder and anger issues. Most people couldn’t really tell me why they thought that other than the fact that my complaints revolved around misunderstandings and communication errors. The only real answer I got was from someone claiming to be a psychologist saying that the way I explained things tip them off or something like that.

However, I really want someone to talk to about this because I don’t plan to tell my mom if I end up receiving a diagnosis. I know that just like with the glasses scenario. She’s just going to feel like I pursued a diagnosis intentionally just because I wanted a label.

I’m dying out here, to be frank. Just got back from my first day and my head is pounding. It’s too early to ask for accommodations since I’m still in training, and I was told I can’t wear a cap just yet to try and shield myself.

I’ve taken medication to help the headache before, but nothing quite does it like just getting out of the light… I can’t remember a time a medication helped me with a light sensitivity headache, but I’m still open to suggestions on that front since I might’ve just been taking the wrong ones.

So seriously, I’ll take any advice. Please help, I want to keep this job so bad! 😭

Thank you!

I’ve had a few interviews so far and I just can’t do it. I have situational mutism but I can communicate well enough to make small talk, but interviews feel impossible to me.

Something about having two to three people staring at me whilst asking non sensical questions just makes it so hard to get my words out and I end up nervously fidgeting and barely making eye contact whilst poorly answering the questions.

I can’t explain it, the whole setting just feels so forced and inauthentic and the words coming out of my mouth feel forced and I can’t articulate my thoughts and half the time they’re asking me to talk about experiences I don’t have.

I honestly feel a lot of jealousy towards my friends who can do interviews like they’re nothing, I don’t know how anyone can do it.

So I recently got let go of a job for forgetfulness, me having ADHD and other mental health disorders, I’m now currently looking for any neurodivergent remote jobs , part time if possible or full time, I’m in school studying to get my masters. I’m also open to low maintenance kind of jobs, I have experience in customer service and would like to work in a library or somewhere quiet if anyone has suggestions please let me know!!!

Ok not really relevant but just saying it’s technically gonna be a social worker cause I guess my school (maybe other schools do this too idk) has us talk to social workers instead of guidance counsellors about mental health stuff but anyways.

So basically I’m in the process of getting my adhd diagnosis (I’m just waiting for her to send it), I have like a ton of symptoms and a super long family history so I’m pretty confident I’m gonna get it. On top of this I’m pretty confident I have autism and ocd (also the doctor who was doing the diagnosis was asking question that I think were about ocd like after I said some stuff and I think she said it’d be on the report but anyways whatever).

Anyways so I’ve been very burnt out (I’m pretty sure that’s what it is but ig I don’t want to say it fs without a diagnosis) and basically a couple weeks ago i got called into the guidance counsellors office about why I’ve been missing so much school and I started talking to him some. Most of the talking was about this big fight I had with my friends which is still a big problem because they haven’t really forgiven me yet, but anyways I didn’t talk about the burnout really because I felt super awkward I just said basically that I was skipping cause I was feeling down about the fight (which isn’t wrong though cause it’s definitely contributing to how bad my mental health is getting). Also, again, even though I’m liek completely sure, I didn’t want to talk about that without an official diagnosis.

Anyways, the burnout is lasting longer than it usually does (happens every once in a while for like around 4 weeks usually but it’s been two months and I don’t see it stopping anytime soon), and I would really like some support, especially since I lowkey lost my closest friends. I have to learn to manage the burnout before I fail my classes (I’m just barely passing math and science) and have to take summer school which would genuinely be hell. Also just besides school I lowkey feel like I’m going crazy and my mental health is getting way worse and I’m tired of it so.

Also, i really do want a diagnosis for ocd (not autism cause im lowkey embarrassed for my parents to know) but i don’t want to ask for one before being even more sure because that’d be embarrassing if I don’t have it. I feel like id want to talk to the social worker first but would that be odd? Do they even have anything to do with that? Also is there anything they can do about it cause like they’re not therapists.

Idk so I guess my actual question is should I talk to the social worker and about what and how should I say it (the last bit is important I have no idea what I’d say even if you said it’s a good idea). But yea actually I really need to know if that’s a good idea so I don’t act super weird lol. Anyways bye:)

as a teen, i think i was 13 i was in the middle of a depressive episode ( i was in an off for like 3-4 years) , but i know think those might be burnouts. In that episode i had times that i was like super drained and really sad and numb and others in witch i was laughing and like compensating a lot. Those episodes could be in the same day or in weeks. I know it kinda sound like bipolarity, but that was dircarted, so i was wondering if any of you have experience this type of burnout