A while back I asked for advice on a new friend I thought might be gay and everyone told me to just ask. I decided not to be a pussy and did, he said he’s not into guys but he gets that a lot. My bad, probably just because you have a nice style. That’s the context. I was pretty straight until last year. 

This friend is always very touchy with his friends. I apparently am very touchy when I’m  drunk. 

Basically I got super drunk at a party. He usually drinks a lot but stayed sober which was odd because he didn’t have to drive, we were both staying over. I was touching him a lot. I don’t remember that much because I was plastered. he ended up kissing me, he said we kissed 3 times I only remember two. He  was holding me and stroking my hair later, again idk that much I was really drunk. Apparently I bit him a few times, had my hand up his shirt, but he didn’t seem to mind. next morning he was very touchy, touching my face, getting really close to my face etc.  but still he’s touchy with all his friends. 

That morning I also found out that in his life he’s kissed like 15 guys and only one girl. 

He also put on music and started dancing towards me, we danced together twice. 

Later that morning he texted me to come outside and was waiting for me on a high part of the wall we watched the sun fully come out together. He started sitting at my table at lunch which he didn’t do before. I’m mainly confused because we are friends and I’m not sure if he likes me or this is just how he is, I know he touches his  with friends but there was a lot of stuff that went past what I’d  normally do at least. 

We went for a car ride later and a girl had lip plumping lipstick and he let me put it on him. He was carrying a purse as well. 

We were texting a bit about past relationships and how apparently he has in fact not dated many girls and only had his first kiss over the summer. His first kiss with a straight girl at least. 

I asked him if it was better than the 15 dudes. 

He said “lowk yeah but 15 guys is not enough practice”

“That’s how I know I’m not gay cause the dudes ain’t got passion”

I just said sure. 

Then I said have you ever considered that the lack of passion might come from the fact that all the guys you kiss are straight 

He said “no on my part, also probably not true these guys are probably closeted”

I said fair enough. 

I’m confused. I don’t know what to make of this. I want to kiss him again. I like him I can’t lie to myself about that. But I’m really confused. There’s another party this weekend that he’ll be at. 

Any interpretation or advice is helpful. We’re friends, I’m glad we’re friends, I’m completely fine with letting this go in order to stay friends but I don’t want to if I don’t have to. I wish I remembered more. He was sober the whole time. -I wrote this earlier. 

This is new- We also made out at the next party. I called a friend to let him know my eta and he was in the background saying “ come get drunk and spill wine on me again.” I was sober because I had food poisoning. He kept checking on me and looking for me when I was throwing up until I felt better. We were playing spin the bottle and kissed four times because of that. Then we were on the deck sharing a cigarette and someone made a joke like hey everyone is making out and he looked at me saying do you want to make out and we did. The whole night leading up to that he kept coming up behind me and hugging me. He held my hand twice. They were playing seven minutes in heaven and he went up to me and said do you want to go in a closet but the bottle never landed on us because I was to pussy to respin it until it landed on him. We drove up to a viewpoint on the mountain after dark and hugged and I listened to his heartbeat. That night he asked where I was sleeping and asked if I wanted to join him and we cuddled to sleep all night. When a friend walked in on us still cuddled together in the morning he said to him are you sure you aren’t bi. The next day we went to a traditional Japanese tea ceremony together he’s half Japanese and it was really nice. We hung out alone for three hours but again I’m a pussy and didn’t kiss him again. It felt like a date but I know that’s just me projecting. I hang out with my friends all the time.  after the tea ceremony and everything we met up with the group for food and the topic of exes came up because everyone was telling a friend not to text his ex back.  So then this guy texted someone and everyone was saying who’d you text, And it was some random girl he went to school with. I know I shouldn’t be jealous because we’re just friends but he was passing the pictures around talking about how hot she is. I know we’re just friends. I was petty and brought up my very attractive female ex because I knew it would get a reaction from the group. But then he was hugging me again at Trader Joe’s. I don’t know. I’m afraid of coming off too strong, but also I’m thinking there’s no way he doesn’t know I like him. Any advice is appreciated. 

I guess I just don't understand the point? All neo-pronouns are equal to "they" in my head, just with different flavour. What person feels to choose neo-pronouns?

I am 17 ftm. I really want to transition once I move out, but my whole family is filled with Christian MAGA transphobes. I fear they will treat me differently if I express that part of my identity. I only plan on doing anything til I move out but I worry on days where ill visit my family. Should I stop taking T on those days? Wear super feminine clothing? I don't know, I just feel so trapped and coming out is simply not an option. Any tips?

I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask this but I'm struggling with my sexuality and gender.

To make a long story short, I want to love a man as another man and love a woman as another woman.

I know I'm kinda bi, I go unlabeled, but I'm really conflicted because I love being a woman and I experimented with my gender in high school but nothing really stuck. I used to want to be a feminine man and a masculine woman but as I've gotten older I don't necessarily want that.

I'd like to continue going unlabeled just because it's easier for me, but I want to know if this is normal.

So my mother and me recently have had kinda an on off relationship, where we’d be getting along one second and then like 4 minutes later she’s yelling at me (I would yell back but I fear she’d take away everything I love) and also one day she came into my room and was like “why are you pan” so i explained that I’d be willing to be with someone of any gender and then she said “why can’t you just be you, instead of having all these labels” which she also said to me being a femboy. And I kept saying that that’s who I am, but she kept saying that in kinda a harsh tone. So my little stupid brain made me get the idea to be really kinda just hesitant to be around her, especially because she grounded me for flinching a few days ago, I’ve just not had the mood to be around her, and also she yells at me for being tired (slouching and half closed eyes).
I believe that there are some things I did wrong too as a son, but I’d like to know. Feel free to ask questions.

​

Hey everyone! I wanted to share a little update about my journey with therapy and figuring out my identity.

I'm nonbinary, and I identify as a lesbian. I know I like women, but I'm still exploring what labels feel right for me. I've been wondering whether sapphic is a good term for me or if there's another label that might fit better.

Therapy has been part of my journey of understanding myself, and I'm trying to give myself room to explore without feeling pressured to have everything figured out.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? How did you figure out which label felt right for you?

I'd love to hear your experiences! 💗

So I have struggled a lot throughout my life with my identity. When I was 13 or 14 I tried to come out to my family. I was bisexual and my mother had put the fear of God into me. She cried for 3 days and three nights and told me that I was going to hell and that she was never going to see me again and I think for her that hit particularly really hard because she already feels like she's not going to see my dad again who had passed when I was younger.

Because of this event I feel like I force myself to behave straight. I also feel like fun of this event, I cultivated a lot of internalized homophobia and I genuinely find women attractive, but I don't know if I'd be able to have physical intimacy because of all of the homophobia I have been exposed to that is what I am used to being conditioned to think. For instance, my mom will talk about how gross she thinks Genitalia is especially woman and I think that left an imprint in my thinking. However, when it comes to women, I am so much more intellectually stimulated with them. They're much more kind and would stimulate me more emotionally.

I still catch myself vying for male attention But I'm not sure if that comes from the fact that my father passed when I was younger or if I actually like men I genuinely hate them with a burning passion from my experiences. But there are physical attributes that I find attractive. If I do hang around with men or try to find a man that I might potentially like, I go after men who have been raised around women or almost always surrounded by women. I do not like a man's man and ussaly prefer if they are just a little gay 🤣.

I know with whatever label I choose I 100% asexual and that is probably what is putting a damper in trying to figure out who I truly am.

Thank you all for listening to my story I appreciate any advice!

Моя история. Об ЛГБТ я узнал очень рано, то есть, наверное, очень поздно. Я узнал о нём только в 2024 году осенью. Тогда я был просто удивлён то, что некоторые люди могут любить свой пол. Для меня это было ненормально. Я был лютым гомофобом. Это было очень долго. Отношение к ЛГБТ было просто ужасное. Я таких людей раньше называл ненормальными, идиотами, даже террористами. Но это же капец какой-то. У меня был какой-то интерес к этой теме, но тогда меня останавливало то, что типа, ой, это ненормально, тебе нельзя это делать. И, наверное, так было до 2026 года летом, это начало прекращаться. Гомофобия ушла, а в августе я и подавно начал пытаться искать себя. Сейчас я считаю себя парабоем. Это тот человек, который преимущественно ощущает себя парнем. Я ощущаю себя парнем примерно на 85% - 87%. А остальные 13%-15% Я ещё пока не знаю мелкую часть своей идентичности. Возможно, это агендер. Но я ещё пока не знаю, учитывая мой возраст. Ведь, наверное, здесь, наверное, вот в этом сообществе я самый юный человек. Я не буду говорить возраст, потому что если я его скажу, меня будут только оскорблять и унижать, поэтому нет.

Was I overreacting?

TW: Transphobia, Homophobia, Groping, Catcalling

PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT IN THE MENTAL STATE TO READ THE SAME

Hey so I am a straight guy who happens to have long hair and am beardless. Because of this people occasionally mistake me for a girl which is fine.

The following incidents are stuff I have experienced as a result of this. I felt uncomfortable because of these incidents because of them. Also By NO means Ami I suggesting gay men behave in this way generally.

Some background: I was a pretty socially awkward kid so I didn't have a lot of friends, because of this I am unable to distinguish between playful banter and a violation of my physical privacy. I would like y'all to lmk if I am just overacting or if I

my boundaries were crossed.

1) A guy friend of mine would often call me handsome , hot, pretty, etc. From time to time when we would sit together he would touch my hips or my thigh and I would shake his hand off me. But one day when he touched me on my stomach when I least expected it, I jumped from my seat and felt this shaking feeling in me. He asked me if I was fine and I said yes but I kept a distance from him since then. He's a nice guy but I was too uncomfortable.

2) THIS one guy from my elective told me I have pretty hair, I said thanks and went on with my day. The next time I was walking out of class,he grabbed my waist and cupped it for a few seconds. The he smiled and left. There were two of his girl-friends who were both giggling. I didn't understand how they couldn't find it inappropriate.

3) A classmate once saw me after getting a bobcut and said I looked prettier than any girl in the class. It was a bit weird but he followed it up with "you should consider transitioning ". Was this some sort of joke or....?

4) I had a classmate tell me that I looked "hot". He would trying to touch my hair( the first few times he asked but I said no). One time he said he would "Eve-tease" me one day. After a while he would call me gay every time we interacted which I couldn't understand. Once or twice is fine, but multiple times.

5) This wasn't recurring but a hostel mate saw me once as I caught him by surprise. He then, murmured something to himself. A few minutes later he asks me "doesn't your roommate molest you?"

STRAIGHT AS WELL GAY MEN, would you consider these to be casual acts of teasing or something more serious. I want to clarify that I am not traumatized by them but I can't tell if these men were maybe in the closet or something( not that it would change my experience all that much). I have never experienced a platonic friend act like this so was I overreacting or was my discomfort justified?

Hello, I'm not sure if this is going to be the best written question ever but I think I need some external insight.

Background: I am currently married to a man, he is lovely, I am very much still in love with him, we connect as friends as well as romantic partners. I am nearing 30 years old, and identify as non binary. I have children, one of them is biological my husband's the rest belong to people no longer in our lives due to death and abuse. Three of these children were had without me having an opinion on having them (I still love them very very much). I have expirenced trauma both sexual and non sexual. Shady childhood etc. I do have a current C-Ptsd diagnosis, along with a mood disorder and autism, I find this relevant to the question. It's also not unusual for me to go long periods of times without a sexual drive. Or to be overwhelmed after sexual experiences. I am also attracted to all genders.

Okay so specifically today, my husband was obviously sexually excited, you could see it, it was privately in our room so all good in that regards. However, for whatever reason, seeing this, specifically the body part itself (even behind the boxers) gave me a few mixed feelings, included being somewhat repulsed (only to the specific body part) and anxiety about what could happen from this even tho he never made a move, brought it up AND I trust him with my life. I've had expirences like this with other men, usually men I have only seen once or maybe even the first time meeting, rarely people I am comfortable with. Does this mean anything? Is it related to sexual orientation? Is it likely in related to my past expirences and C-PTSD? I plan to mention this to my therapist but I'd like any kind of opinions from people here as well.

tw: suicidal thoughts

i’m (m19) a uni student in germany and wanted to put this into words because people here seem understanding, and i find it hard to talk about this with anyone i know.

i’m attracted to men and also can feel attraction to women, but i can only comfortably imagine a future with a woman. at the same time, i feel like actually falling in love might only happen with a man. i’ve never really had a relationship, and this makes me worry i’ll never experience romance and also the aspect of openly comfortably talking about romance in life. i feel like i can only properly feel romantic feelings towards men. i know there’s nothing wrong with being gay or bi, but i still wish this part of my life was different. imagining myself openly dating a man makes me uncomfortable, and i struggle with being associated with gay stereotypes.

the confusing part is that i don’t think most people around me would reject me. people who’d reject me or actually see me differently and be appalled is my family. it’s more that i hate the idea of them seeing me differently, even if they were accepting. knowing that they’d now think about me differently would make me feel exposed. and now i feel like im running out of time and have to fix this issue of mine asap because the more time goes by the more people get used to this mask i wear and will see me differently when i decide to out myself if i ever do. and that sounds easier said than done, but to me it’s more, they get used to this version of me that isn’t completely me and then they will definitely see me differently once i out myself and try to express myself better.

because of this, i monitor myself a lot. if someone asks why i don’t have a girlfriend or makes a “that’s so gay” comment, i stop reacting naturally and start thinking about how a straight guy would react. then i overthink my answer, their reaction, whether they noticed something, etc. this used to happen mainly around one friend, but now that im in uni i’m scared of it happening with almost anyone. i usually understand what triggered it, but that doesn’t help me stop. and this overthinking that comes along with the self monitoring is so intense, it gets me into a depressive phase. but overthinking doesn’t just happen in these types of situations but in general i overthink so so much. i replay moments in my head and monitor myself and regret. even in situations not regarding my sexuality.

i distance myself from people i actually like because getting closer means more personal conversations. even uni group projects make me anxious because spending more time together could lead to those topics. a friend regularly invites me to things, but i hesitate and barely initiate anything myself. i really enjoy being with her, especially alone, but worry about her bringing others or noticing and commenting on something. i feel like a bad friend, even though i really do want closeness. ever since im in uni, i’m not experiencing any feeling of being excluded because the people i’m surrounded by are so welcoming. but it’s just me isolating myself to protect my mental health and prevent myself getting into a low. and even if this is what prevents me from getting into a low, it’s depressing itself that i have to isolate myself in order to protect myself because i naturally crave social interactions as well. i’m introverted but sometimes i spend so much time alone that i really appreciate moments with people i love and appreciate. especially ever since im in uni, i know there are people who are willing to get to know me but it’s just me keeping a distance and that makes me feel terrible.

sometimes i wish i could start over somewhere where people knew a less guarded version of me from the beginning. my current relationships are real, but i hold so much back. i almost have no contact with my school friends because of this even tho they always welcome me in. changing that now feels uncomfortable because everyone is already used to how i act. i even hesitate to meet new people because i don’t want more people getting used to that version of me. being alone is comforting because i don’t have to monitor myself, but i’m also really happy when people want to spend time with me.

during depressive lows, this gets much worse. i have suicidal thoughts. aside from the usual thoughts, i often think, why was i born this way when all i do is struggle because of this?? if i do, will afterlife really be better? what if i get punished and it’s not a relief after all? i wish i could sacrifice my life to save someone else’s life who would appreciate life and live as they wish for. also during these thoughts, i never open up about them because when im having these thoughts, i don’t want help. my biggest fear is attempting and surviving and living with the consequences. i start thinking, “why am i studying, dancing or taking care of myself if i’m not going to be around anyway?” i can still force myself to do things, and i haven’t stopped loving dancing, but i lose motivation because i can’t imagine a future. people i love and the life i still hope for are part of what holds me back but mostly the fears that i mentioned.
one instance was when my sister noticed something gay on my phone and she didn’t comment but i know she saw it, and that whole night i stayed awake and also tried to scratch my wrist open to numb the pain and maybe bleed out but i knew i couldn’t because she stayed over at my place and i had to suppress those feelings and thoughts.

i’m scared of another low, especially during exams. part of me knows it’ll pass, but then i’ll have to deal with everything i neglected. sometimes i’m already worrying about that while it’s happening, but still can’t make myself care enough to act. being busy distracts me, but once the stress is over, the thoughts come back.

right now i’m not in a low, but that mostly means i’m relieved i don’t feel that bad. i’m still unhappy with how things are. sometimes even feeling really happy makes me uncomfortable because i get less guarded and worry i’ll do something i’ll overthink later. or i start reminding myself of everything that’s still wrong.

and i recently realised that i’m jealous of couples and my siblings being able to experience relationships so naturally. or generally be able to express themselves freely and live life freely especially in the romance /sex aspect of life because it’s the norm. i feel like i’m wasting my youth avoiding things i want. then i feel guilty because i’m financially secure and have so many opportunities, so i question whether i’m spoiled or just too sensitive.

i generally can’t open up about ALL of this at all and therefore i often talk to chatgpt during lows, but feel like i keep repeating myself without getting anywhere. i really can’t imagine this aspect of my life getting better because i cant imagine anything changing. i feel like ill always struggle with this and i dont know how to fix this and live a life im really happy with.

i do want to get better. i can imagine working, dancing and having friends i feel completely comfortable around. i just don’t know how to get there when understanding my thoughts hasn’t made them easier to handle. nobody knows i feel this way and am struggling, and another reason i also isolate myself is because it’s mentally draining for me to suppress these thoughts when i have to act like im completely fine.

i tried my best describing my situation but i know there are many details missing that i can’t think of right now bcs these are already a lot of thoughts i had to squeeze out of myself, since it’s not easy for me to explain many aspects of my mental health since im still figuring it out and can’t explain everything.

does anyone have advice for me?

I was just watching through the videos in my Watch Later and two different videos both mention F:NV in relation to transness. What is the connection between the two, and why am I only just now figuring this out?

(M) I’m definitely bisexual, but I’ve never done anything with anyone of any gender, not even holding hands. My upbringing in a very homophobic place and the extreme religious beliefs that people around me have means that I just couldn’t love another man the way he deserves, cause I’d be wallowing in shame and fear. I’d probably want to get a girlfriend (I lean towards women anyway) and just live an under the radar life, but I also really want to be honest about my sexuality with her. I’m someone who only sees myself with one person, and I don’t really want to experiment with men cause that feels scary. I just have no idea how that’s going to go down with women or the queer community. But my goal is always honesty and respect. Feel like I’m kinda screwed. If this is problematic I apologise but it’s hard when your attraction doesn’t match your actions because of fear of homophobia.

I recently changed my pronouns to He/They and have been saying that I am nonbinary. I want to know if i am using the term correctly or if there us a better term to use.

As a non LGBTQ+ expert ( I don’t know much ) what does it mean if someone’s pronouns are She/them or he/them . Im not judging or anything im just wondering?

So I was at Target w my friend and we got on the subject of skirts, kilts and the sort. I had said "I think kilts are strictly for male soldiers back then but skirts are just nowadays feminine." I meant feminine as in, it leans on the female spectrum but a guy can wear them too, it's just effeminate (not in a condescending way, sorry i can't think of a better way)

And some lady started yelling at me, saying stuff like "You think skirts are just for women? Like you can choose what people wanna wear?" (She called me a straggot at some point and I thought it was really funny)

But was I in the right or wrong saying skirts are on the feminine side of the line?

Plus, I think many of you think the same as me.

So, the intersex population is roughly 2%, or 1.7%, of the population based on common knowledge, but that isn't the full picture.

So many people don't have their chromosomes tested, and those who are recorded as intersex have obvious intersex traits, such as their bodies not matching their chromosomes, as well as ambiguous genitalia.

Some DSD cases are still not considered intersex because it's not "severe enough" to be classified as intersex, or for some people during puberty they develop differently. Development doesn't follow the sex they were assigned at birth, so potentially there can be as many as 10% (or more) of us if ALL intersex cases were reported.

That's my opinion, saying it's only 1.7% is an overtly generalized take (I heard this is a stat of 2000s, which is outdated). Because literally we don't know exactly how many intersex people there are.

I need to get you guys' opinions on this.

Okay so yeah it's basically just the title. To preface, I'm afab and have used she/her pretty much my whole life. A couple years ago, maybe like 6 yrs ago, I was questioning my identity and thought maybe I was non-binary because I didn't particularly like being referred to as "daughter" or "woman" or "girl" or anything of that sort. I tried using they/them pronouns and while it's my most preferred pronouns, I don't exactly hate she/her either, it just feels okay to me. He/him is also alright, though I've never been referred to as he/him so idk. I'm not out exactly, I only told my best friend and that's how I tried using they/them pronouns. Currently, although I prefer they/them pronouns, I don't feel enby either, like I wouldn't want to use they/them exclusively.

I've also considered demi-girl and while I did identify with that for a while, I currently identify most with either agender or genderqueer. Frankly I just don't care that much for my gender, like yeah I dislike being called a woman or girl or whatever, but I don't feel a strong twist in my gut as I imagine trans folk feel when being misgendered. Although, I guess this post is kind of hypocritical as the whole point is I am once again caring enough to try and figure out my gender.

So all that brings us to more recent events. I mean nothing big has happened but recently I've been coming to terms with my sexuality, being biromantic, ever since my friend has also come out to me as bisexual. For some reason that's made me think a whole lot more about relationships and what I want from them. I've never been in a relationship or have had an actual crush as I'm on the aroace spectrum, but I would love to be in one one day. I thought about how I would be dating a woman or man, and idk if anyone else feels like this, but I sometimes feel like I'd want to be a man's boyfriend or a woman's girlfriend. Like idrk how to describe it, but if I were with a man, I'd want to be his boyfriend, but if I was with a woman, I'd want to be her girlfriend. I don't know why I want to in the first place, but there's just something in me that craves queer love, idk if I'm just tricking myself in some way or if I'm just saying it because I want to but I just don't want to be in a hetero relationship. Idk if it stems from stereotypes of both queer and hetero relationships, but just the idea of queer love is something I want and yeah at this point I'm just talking in circles

Thanks to whoever reads this, and if anyone has advice or relates to this, please comment so I can read and talk to yall <3

TLDR; I want to be a man's boyfriend AND a woman's girlfriend, so what the hell is my gender?

I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, but I really need advice and I don’t know where to go. I apologize for how all over this place this will be, I’m a mess.

For context, I am 22f and married to a man. We have one child. I have identified as bisexual with a female preference my entire life. I knew I liked girls from a very young age, I realized in 2nd grade and came out in 4th. My family has always been super open so it was never really a big deal. I’ve dated plenty of women and men.

Well now I’m an adult and married to a man and I’m completely spiraling. This isn’t your typical 2am spiral, I’ve been spiraling about this for a very long time. I think I may be a lesbian, which wouldn’t be a big deal typically, but as I said, I have a family. I don’t know where to go from here, and I need advice on whether or not I actually am a lesbian. Just to put this all into context, I’m going to add a bulleted list of why I’m having these suspicious, and you can tell me what you think in the comments. If you couldn’t tell, yes, I am autistic.

• I knew I liked women from a very young age. It was never a question. I’ve only ever questioned liking men. I always imagined myself marrying a woman someday, but figured at some point I’d settled down with a man because “that’s just what you do.”

• I don’t think I’ve ever been s*xually attracted to a man or their body. Just the idea of them. I don’t like touching their parts. When I do it with my husband, I make him do everything. I don’t enjoy him, just the feeling. Like scratching an itch. I always think I want it, but as soon as it starts, I just want it to end. I’m always disappointed after. And it’s not a him problem, he does very well, I just don’t like it.

• If I watch p*rn*,* it’s only lesbian p*rn. And I usually cry after. It’s like a feeling of longing.

• I’m only really attracted to unattainable or fictional men. Seeing an attractive guy in public is more like “I hope he likes me,” not “I like him.”

• My husband and I fight constantly. And although he is a bit of an idiot, I’m starting to wonder if it’s my subconscious trying to tell me something. It’s like nothing he does will ever be good enough. Even when he does put in the effort, it never feels like enough. This has been a constant thing with all my past male partners.

• I’m constantly longing for more. I’m always wondering what else is out there. I sit around and wonder what my life would have been like with a woman. I have this constant feeling that I’ve settled. I feel trapped. I feel so unfulfilled.

• On the same note, I don’t think I’d feel miserable if we stayed together forever. Just not entirely happy.

For a long time, I thought it was my husband that was the problem. That maybe we just weren’t right for each other. But now I’m thinking, maybe no man will ever be right for me. I’ve had my lesbian suspicions for a very long time, longer than I’ve known my husband. But for some reason, I’ve stuffed it down. Maybe part of me was ashamed for some reason. Maybe I wanted to live this typical “all American family” life. Maybe I just wanted to be society’s version of normal. But every once in a while, I’d repeat this same spiral, but instead of looking deeper, I’d just push it away. But I’ve been unhappy for a very long time now, and I need to truly find myself. I just really need some advice.

I’m gonna make this quick and easy to understand because I’m not very good at using Reddit.

for a little bit now, I’ve been wishing to look like a boy, but I love being a girl. O get really conflicted about this, I haven’t experienced anything with my body but I just wish I could be a boy but keeping my she/her pronouns would be nice, I just get so conflicted because I don’t know what to feel.

I’m in middle school and I wouldn't transition or make it obvious until I got to collage because I live in a rural town and everyone is anti LGBTQ+.

i thought i was a lesbian at first but no because i like femboys but i only like them when they have slightly feminine OR androgynous features (i also like nonbinary lesbians and mascs/butches so it can’t be gynosexual either)

For starters, ive never dated another guy or done anything with one, only with people of the opposite gender, but I've had thoughts about how i wouldn't mind being with a person of the same sex as long as they were a feminine. This makes me feel weird because I've never thought of myself as a bisexual person but im not sure if it'd make me bisexual liking a feminine guy, because, well they're feminine. Any advice on what i could do would be appreciated

I know that gender is not gender expression, it's not pronouns, it's not sexuality, it's not sex, so what is it? I am an afab cis woman, but I've never really identified very strongly with 'girl,' or any other label either. What should I feel towards a gender identity to know that that's me? I've always enjoyed dressing androgenously, and I enjoy when people have to ask my pronouns, but I just say she/her because that's what I've been saying for my whole life. Like she/her is chill, but why is it? I'd probably be fine with any pronouns but it's just so easy to say the ones that I've used and that everyone thinks anyway.

And now the second part because I don't get any of it. When it comes to attraction and relationships, what's the difference between romantic and platonic? When does it cross that boundary? I understand what sexual attraction is, which seems pretty clear, but the other two are just vibes based - what's so special about romantic relationships?

I've stepped around the idea of being aroace since middle school, and I just haven't felt attraction ever. I've wanted to be friends with people, I've wanted to deepen connections and been jealous of deep connections that friends or acquaintances had with other people, but I don't think any of that has been romantic. But what would be the difference between being really intimate friends with them and a romantic relationship?

This confusion around relationships and gender kind of culminates in a sexuality confusion. Especially eliminating sexual attraction and solely looking at romatic feelings, how does this romantic attraction work? If gender is fake and made up, how do people define themselves based on attraction?

These are some of the reasons defining myself as aroace (or even maybe agender, I have no clue) is really tough for me. I want to work in definitives. You can't prove that something isn't there. There's always the possibility that something may show up and that scares me. How do I know that I am this label and this label is me? (And furthermore in the general case, how does one know that their label is them and they are their label?)

This keeps going in a loop and brings me back to wtf is gender? As someone who hasn't experienced attraction, from what I've seen, these labels for sexuality and everything are based on gender (at least loosely). "I am a woman who likes other women so I am a lesbian," "I am a man who likes people regardless of gender so I am pan." Gender is the focus in these labels and attraction. Without this, what does gender even mean?

Just my confused ramblings that I 've wanted to ask for a while, but I remembered again because I looked in the mirror and looked like a boy and I enjoyed it. Androgeny has always been the goal, but I don't even know what that means or how to achieve it or why I want it or anything.

Anyway TLDR: Gender is strange because what even is it, and sexuality is strange because how can it be defined and this makes gender even stranger, especially without the presence of attraction and sexuality.