Help us write a wiki for our frequently asked questions!

11

u/CedarWolf Oct 27 '23

FAQ: What's the difference between Bi and Pan?

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u/[deleted] Mar 28 '24

While both are under the multisexual umbrella (sexual attraction to two or more genders), bisexual is the sexual attraction towards any two genders (regardless of ones own) where as pansexual is the sexual attraction regardless of gender. <3
To continue with other multisexual identities, omnisexual is often confused (or even replaced mistakenly) by pansexual. The difference in the two are that omnisexuals do have preferences of genders, but both identities include all genders (omni and pan both meaning all).
Polysexual and Trisexual are also multisexual identities that are overlooked. Polysexual is the sexual attraction to many, but not all, gender indentities (e.g. all but men). Trisexual is the sexual attraction towards three genders (e.g. Women, Demi-girls and agender people).
Others include Sapphic (women who are primarily attracted to women), Achillean (men who are primarily attracted to men), Enbian (non-binary people primarily attracted to non-binary people), Trixic (Non-binary people primarily attracted to women), Toric (non-binary people who are primarily attracted to men), and many more micro labels.
But we all must remember: everyone's identity is valid. <3(Unless they're MAP's or animal lovers, yucky)

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u/KoloAce Mar 30 '25

The Bi and pan discussion.
Bisexual on its own is a broad term. The many meanings it can have: Attraction to the your own and the other gender(s) Attraction to 2 or more genders Just Attraction to men and woman Etc
For example, one can be attracted to women and nonbinary people, but not men. Some call that lesbian, but labels have always been pretty loose in this community. Gender is complex, therefore it makes sexualities complex.
Some bisexuals simply have no preference, which is where pansexuality comes in.
Some people see pansexuality as its own thing or under the bisexual umbrella. Pansexuality is described as attraction regardless of gender or sex. They are often referred as gender blind.
Some bisexual experience the exact experience of pansexual individuals, but bisexual is a broad term and mean many things to people. Pansexual is a specific experience of plurisexuality(people attracted to multiple genders).
Some people differentiate bisexual and pansexual as bisexual being the one with gender preferences. This is not always the case for every bisexual. I repeat, it is a broad term for any person who experiences attraction to multiple genders.
Case in point is: Bisexuality: a broad term for any person who experiences attraction to multiple genders.
Pansexuality: A specific experience of attraction to multiple genders. Emphasizing the lack of affect gender plays to their attraction to others.

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u/Feintruled__ May 05 '24 edited May 08 '24

Bi and pan are labels that generally describe an attraction to potentially any gender.
Each label has multiple popular definitions. For some bi and pan folk, the nuances associated with either label allow them to more thoroughly describe their identity. For others, there is no meaningful difference between the two. While the above rule of thumb is broadly useful, the best way to find out what a pan or bi person means when they self-identify, is to ask them!
Individually, people may choose pansexual because the "pan" prefix visibly highlights the range of gender diversity in its basic etymology. Pan is also often associated with attraction where gender does not play a role, though this isn't true for all pansexuals, and is not a requirement for identifying as such.
People may choose bisexual because it's a more established, recognizable label for attraction to any gender. (Because of this visibility, bisexual/bi+ is also used an umbrella term for any attraction that does not neatly fall into the gay/straight binary; however, most self-identifying bisexuals will profess attraction to any gender.) People may also choose bisexual to honor a general and/or personal history of bisexual activism.
Some people choose to use both! Some choose other terms on the multisexual spectrum with their own connotations (fluid, omni, poly, hetero/homoflexible, queer). And some choose to go unlabeled.
Neither label excludes trans/nb folk (partly because no sexuality inherently does), and both communities have a history of kinship and solidarity with the trans/nb community.
People generally choose the term or terms that resonate the most with them, be it a personal history, familiarity, vibes, or something else. While they aren't mutually exclusive, neither are they interchangeable on a personal level: if a person IDs as bi, call them bi, and if they ID as pan, call them pan.

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u/IHateTheNamingRules Dec 25 '25

Bi is the umbrela term for feeling atraction to multiple genders (typically used when its just two) and pan is meaning atraction to all genders regardless of gender wich i know this wasnt the asignment but that is simmilar to omni where atraction is to all genders but still with a preferece

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u/CedarWolf Oct 27 '23

FAQ: If I'm <label> and I'm interested in <label>, does that make me a <label>?

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u/beingthehunt Dec 13 '23

I went back through the most recent posts to get an idea of what questions are actually frequently asked. I've grouped some of them into catergories so they probably need parsing back out in order to answer but here's the most common categories of questions, starting with the most common:

What is my gender/sexuality? (this was overwhelmingly the most asked question, about 1/4 of all questions I saw)
Advice about dealing with dysphoria.
What does [insert identity] mean?
Questions around what words are classed as a slur and who/when certain words can be used.
Coming out advice.
How do pronouns work and who can use them?
How to find friends/a partner/someone to have sex with.
What is gender?
Transition advice.
Binding advice.
Safe travel advice.

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u/CedarWolf Dec 13 '23

Excellent, thank you!

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u/ultimate_ampersand Oct 27 '23

Some frequent questions I see:

What does it mean when someone uses multiple different pronouns (e.g. she/they or they/he or "any pronouns")?
What does it mean for a nonbinary person to be gay? / How can you be a nonbinary lesbian if lesbians are women?
How do I come out to my parents?
I think someone in my life is LGBT, should I bring it up with them or wait for them to tell me?
Is it okay for me to put up a rainbow flag if I'm straight and cis?
Is gender a social construct? / If it’s a social construct, how do you square that with trans people?
Are there gender-neutral versions of sir/ma’am, aunt/uncle, niece/nephew, son/daughter, boyfriend/girlfriend, Ms./Mrs./Mr.?
Why are trans people included under the LGBT umbrella when sexual orientation and gender identity are two different things?
Should trans women be allowed to compete in women’s sports? (sigh. I hate that this is a question, but it does get asked a lot)
What does it mean if I identify as the gender I was assigned at birth but wish I were a different gender?
What does it mean to "feel like" a woman / a man / a nonbinary person? How do you know what your gender is if it's not the one you were assigned at birth?
How do you reconcile the term "bisexual" with not believing in the gender binary?
Does polyamory fall under the LGBTQ+ umbrella?

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u/Weird-but-sweet Mar 02 '24

I'll try to answer some of them! Other people reading this, please complete or correct my answers!
What does it mean when someone uses multiple different pronouns (e.g. she/they or they/he or "any pronouns")?
Pronouns are a part of how a person choose to be represented in the society. While most peope with multiple pronouns are nonbinary, not all of them are. Pronouns are often linked to gender, but not always! More precisely on the question, it means that this person is confortable with those pronouns being used for them. If someone uses she/they, they want to be referred to with they AND she. She's just a person with multiple pronouns :) [would need to be rephrased a lot]
Why are trans people included under the LGBT umbrella when sexual orientation and gender identity are two different things?
Because the community is for everyone who is not cis and hetero. Historically, the community is for anyone who was not "inside the box of what was expected", so trans too, and it stayed this way because we need to stick together.
Should trans women be allowed to compete in women’s sports?
Yes?? Trans women are as much women as cis women. If the "scary part" is that trans women will outperform cis women because of natural testosterone, then fear not, because cis women also have testosterone, and some cis women have even more than some cis men. It's nature, it's not "fair", but if all cis women can compete against each other despite their difference in natural testosterone, then adding trans women to the mix is perfectly logical and the only true argument against is transphobia.
Does polyamory fall under the LGBTQ+ umbrella?
Yes. Be careful of the fact that polyamory requires the freely given consent of everyone included, or else it is cheating!
How do you reconcile the term "bisexual" with not believing in the gender binary?
Bisexual, contrary to popular belief, does not mean "attracted to both genders" but "attracted to two or more genders". Commonly, those who identify as bi are attracted to women and men, but it's also possible to be attracted to a nonbinary gender and women, or two nonbinary genders, or any combinations of two or more genders.
What does it mean if I identify as the gender I was assigned at birth but wish I were a different gender?
You might want to ask yourself why you identify as your gender assigned at birth, and why you wish you were a different gender. Do you identify with your agab because you don't experience gender dysphoria? Or because you don't mind being referred as being your agab? And do you wish to be a different gender because of societal reasons (eg it would be easier to be a man than a woman in a patriarchal society)? Or do you wish to be another gender because it would make you happy? Would it make you happy if people referred to you as this other gender? Would it make you happy to change your pronouns? Being trans isn't all about gender dysphoria (not being happy with your agab), but also gender euphoria (being happy with this other gender).
I think someone in my life is LGBT, should I bring it up with them or wait for them to tell me?
Bring it up is not the best overall solution. Forcing someone out of the closet is not a good thing, and while it can turn out good for some people, it should be avoided. Coming out is something that makes you very vulnerable, and it should be the decision of the person themselves. The best thing would be to drop hints of acceptance from you. Talk about queer people you know, queer friends you have, movies with queer people ("I saw this movie that explored the journey of a trans guy accepting his identity and being happy with it, it was amazing and I got to understand so much!"), something you've learned ("I read this thing about aro people that I did not know before, it was interesting!"), that kind of things. It gives off the message that you will accept them if they wish to come out to you. If you are queer yourself, consider coming out to them if it's not done already, but do not pressure them to come out; talk about yourself and yourself only. Your show of trust could help them opening up, but not necessarily, and in any case, they do not owe you a coming out even if you do come out yourself (I'd expect this question coming from cishet people who do not know what big a deal coming out can be, but who knows)
Is it okay for me to put up a rainbow flag if I'm straight and cis?
Yes, it normalise it and will show to queer people that you are a safe space. Be prepared to potentially be considered as queer yourself, and be careful to react accordingly. Being angry at someone thinking you are gay because you have a queer flag is very not safe space. If you would be angry at being confused as someone else than cishet, then do not use a rainbow flag.

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u/rock_badger Sep 08 '24

**"Does polyamory fall under the LGBTQ+ umbrella?**Yes."
I think this entry needs to acknowledge that this is far from a settled matter, and that many poly people would disagree with you and place poly and LGBTQ+ under the larger "sexual minorities" umbrella. This recent piece does a good job of breaking down the state of the current discourse:
https://slate.com/life/2024/05/polyamory-sexual-orientation-legal-protections.html

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u/Important-Rabbit1006 Nov 25 '24 edited Nov 25 '24

I have a genuine question about the gender categories in sports
If the categories 'men' and 'women' aren’t meant to distinguish people based on biological markers, then what’s the point of them? Shouldn’t we just get rid of them? If they’re purely social identities, it would make as much sense as dividing people by political views or social class

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u/Weird-but-sweet Nov 26 '24

Oh, we should totally get rid of them. There are other more interesting and more logical criteria. Just look at judo, we already divide judokas based on their weight, because even if they are from the same gender or biological sex, it makes no sense to have two judokas of different weigth categories competiting with each other.

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u/Ducky555556 Jul 29 '24

Why do people go by she/they and not she/her? Is it that, they do not like the word her, or that they feel that her has a connotation that they dont want. Or is it that they are just expressing a right to be called whatever they want to choose? Or did i just answer my own question!

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u/Weird-but-sweet Jul 30 '24

she/they does not mean that they replace her ^^ it is the shortened version of "she/her and they/them". She/they means the person goes both by she/her AND by they/them. Within one sentence, you would need to be consistent, though, so no "she brought their suitcase" or "they wanted to see her boyfriend", you'd use "she brought her suitcase" and "they wanted to see their boyfriend".
Is that a bit clearer? I could try to explain differently if needed, let me know!

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u/Key_Rip_5921 Mar 18 '25

I agree with all, except 2 points

Polyamory, wasn’t aware it was queer tbh, i dont? I could just be wrong tho

Trans women in sports. As a trans girl myself, I play boys basketball. We can discuss gender and biology differences all we want, but i dont think this is the hill to die on. Its vastly opposed by nearly everyone, and tbh we should stop trying to die on this hill. Focus on basic rights like passports before trying to tackle this issue.

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u/no-rumination Aug 07 '25

Emphasis on #2 as a trans guy as well. It's a red herring used to distract people who want every right for every person right now. That's not how progress works.

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u/[deleted] Nov 22 '23

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u/spamantha Jun 01 '24

For niece/nephew it's actually nibling! I love that term lol

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u/dandilionwitch Nov 25 '24

Is there a nonbinary term that a child would call their non-binary parent or is that something that's familial (like the family just chooses?), would guardian be used in this instance?

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u/EPIC_PolitiesFan Mar 23 '25

It depends on what the parent wants to be called but Maddy and Moppa are some terms used.

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u/extrahotgarbage Oct 27 '23 edited Oct 27 '23

Can we link to other subreddits in the wiki? For example, a lot of the questions we get are related to coming out. r/ComingOut would be relevant.

I also think that the resource centres offered by different LGBTQ+ organizations should be listed to answer a few FAQs, like:

The Trevor Project Resources

PFLAG Resources

GLAAD Resources

5

u/Hidobot Nov 01 '23

FAQ: Is having a genital preference transphobic?

As a side note, as the FAQ gets bigger, can we make it a rule to check the FAQ first? I'm mostly asking because I'm sick of seeing the cis post about genital preference every single day.

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u/KoloAce Mar 30 '25

A genital preference is a preference. Is it evil to prefer a waffles over pancakes? No, but I’m sure someone could get upset at you about it.
People have genitalia preferences for many reasons. You don’t even really need a reason to have a preference. Preferences are normal and natural. Even trans people have preferences.
It’s not transphobic to have a genital preference. Trans people already come in so many shapes and forms, even according to these preferences.
Transphobia is the fear or dislike of trans people. It’s not about whether one prefers cool cock or cool pussy or cool whatever.

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u/BigWolfRiver Jan 28 '24

This is a trade-off. If most questions are covered by the FAQ and the sub is strict about checking the FAQ before posting, then this could have adverse effects on the discussion climate. People might become afraid to post, gatekeepers will emerge, and so on.
On the other hand, daily genital posts is a nuisance

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u/Hidobot Jan 28 '24

It's a nuisance and also it's the single most insensitive question people regularly ask trans people, and asked in good faith maybe half the time. There's an answer I gave about why this question is problematic a while ago, I'll see if I can find it.

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u/manysides512 Mar 02 '24

Once the questions have been collated, how will you be collecting answers?

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u/CedarWolf Mar 02 '24

Well, I was going to make a post for each one and gather answers about each, but this idea didn't really get very far.

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u/Fantastic-Friend-429 Jun 04 '24

Very Frequently asked question is:

am I still bI if I only like men romantically but I like women sexually and romantically?

Am I still bI if I don’t like men and women the same ratio?

Am I still bI If I’m attracted to women and men, but I would only want to purse it in women?

Am I still bI if, etc. etc.

Please put on there that bi people don’t have like all the genders in the same way or amount

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u/gorhxul Feb 18 '25

"Am I still straight if I like a trans person" I feel answering that in a pinned post would stop about 20% of questions in here.

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u/rikaxnipah Jun 05 '25

This is such a great idea! I’d love to help out. Happy to share answers or experiences on common questions when they come up. Thanks for organizing this!

Might be good to add a FAQ to these:

“Help! I think I might be gay/bi/ace/etc. So what now?”
“I used to identify one way can it change?”
“How do I handle anxiety or guilt about coming out?”
“Is it okay if I’ve never dated but still identify as LGBTQ+?”
“What’s the difference between gender identity and gender expression?”
“What if I like different pronouns in different settings?”
“How do I find LGBTQ+ friends or community online?”
What if my family doesn’t accept me/doesn't accept me right away?

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '23

When the wiki is finished, where will I be able to find it?

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u/Adjective-Noun6969 Feb 19 '26

Nowhere, apparently

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u/XDreemurr_PotatoX Apr 03 '24

* difference between this similar sexuality and this one

*difference between types of attraction (romantic/sexual) and 'can i be interested in ____ sexually and _____ romantically?

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u/Maclovesdogs2005 Jun 17 '24

The app Q Guide has tons of great answers to these questions btw. It's on apple devices.

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u/[deleted] Apr 21 '25

Hey, thanks for doing this — it’s actually super helpful. One question I see a lot (and also wondered myself at some point) is: “Is it normal to feel like I don’t fully fit into any label?” A lot of people seem to struggle with feeling “not queer enough” or like they’re in-between labels. I’d love to hear other people’s takes on that

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u/grizzfan Oct 27 '23

Not a question, but a statement about a question about trans folks and surgeries...that not everyone has them, or that they aren't necessary to be trans or to "achieve" a certain level of trans-ness...it's not a level-up game lol.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 30 '25

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