I was wondering about that. I'm not really sure where demiromantic fits in.

TW FOR NSFW

……….

I am almost 20 years old, and all this time - I never knew that grinding counted as masturbation. I thought it was only considered masturbation if stuff came out and/or if you were doing it with your hand. I don’t even orgasm from it. It just feels slightly pleasurable which is why I do it. I never use my hands. I just rub against a pillow for a few minutes. I’d never let anyone else touch my private areas either.
I still am repulsed by the idea of oral and penetration.
Am I still allowed to call myself sex repulsed asexual? Isn’t masturbation sexual? :/

I feel absolutely fucking disgusting.

I am writing this after doing a lot of research, and with the understanding that Orchidsexuality is an allosexual orientation and not an asexual one.
I have been trying to find a label to describe how I feel, and after a lot of introspection and research I feel this is appropriate -- HOWEVER the *last* thing that I want to do is overstep or invalidate something that I don't understand. So I am asking for advice, opinions, and discussion on whether this is okay and helpful or if this is offensive and should not exist.

TL;DR -- This word (Orchidemisexuality) is to describe when someone is allosexually attracted, sex-repulsed/averse, but can develop sexual desire for a person after forming a relationship/bond with them.

I've questioned whether or not I was asexual all my life. More than once I came to the conclusion that because I felt sexual attraction on a somewhat "normal" allosexual basis, I wasn't asexual. Still I continued to question because despite the attraction, I was consistently sex-averse. It wasn't until recently when I read a discussion on Orchidsexuality that I was able to solidify that the attraction and not the desire was what separated ace from allo.
The most recent event that made me question again was watching the show Lanterns. Not to spoil anything, but there is a sex scene that occurs between two strangers -- and i didn't just feel uncomfortable, I was disturbed and upset. And again I felt "wrong" because when i tried to find whether anyone else had felt like the scene was out of place, I could find nothing.
I know that this sits on the allosexual spectrum and not the asexual spectrum, but it still makes me constantly feel othered. I do not want to take any space away from the ace community -- but if this term had existed at any point within the past fifteen years then I would not have felt so alone and confused, consistently feeling like no one had felt the same.

I put Orchid before Demi because (for one, you can combine the 'd' and the word flows nice) but mainly because Orchidsexuality is allospec, and I wanted it to read as allospec at a glance.

Thoughts? Please, the thing I am looking for most is whether this is more harmful than helpful.

I don’t want to feel sex negative but sometimes the sex repulsion gets so bad that the mere thought of sex and sexual attraction existing makes me start shaking and I fall into this kind of delusional rage and start thinking bad thoughts. Seeing sexual content annoys me at best or triggers physical pain at worst and I don’t understand why everyone acts like they’re just okay with this. The amount of sexual harassment I see online and the amount of people I see encouraging the same behaviors that traumatized me makes me sick and angry. My childhood was corrupted by the internet and whenever I say anything or push back I get treated like I’m the bad guy. I’m so sick of people projecting or pushing sexual things onto me and I feel like so much of what I thought about humans was a disgusting lie and I’m just so so so sick of dealing with all of this. I will never find peace so long as gooners exist. I want to be left alone and be allowed to be myself without creeps trying to sexualize me or my interests.

Hi, I'm a 20M and I'm questioning my whole life now. I've never been attracted to convention sex, I have weird, specific kinks that I get off too, sorry for being TMI. I know I like women but apart from my kink, nothing physically attracts me. I heard I might be asexual and googled it considering I had no idea what asexuality entails. I thought asexuality meant no sexual attraction period, no kinks at all! I knew I was demisexual emotionally, I could only trust or be with someone I've known a bit and would never date in person. I frequently gets emotionally involved with women online. It's not some sort of discord kitten situation, two adults who meet elsewhere who use discord as a medium and find out they live relatively close or go to colleges in close proximity. I don't know why but I seem to attract attention via my twitch streams and mutual friends, great women who I'm great friends with. I eventually find myself being flirted and shut it down. Most women aren't like me, they want conventional sex. I could never lead a woman down a path I didn't think would be their total dream.

Blah, Blah, Blah, I will stop the yap and ask, could anyone help tell me if I could be asexual or not? If so, is dating in the asexual community wrong if I do have certain specific sexual desires? I'd restrain any sexual desire if it meant having someone to love, cherish and take care of. If anyone has any advice on how to go about my future please help.

I also am currently searching for a psychiatrist who takes my insurance because I'm starting to think my weird habits in life apart from my sexual orientation but also including it might be symptoms of autism. Many strange behavioral details throughout my life, far stranger as a kid tho. Thanks!

I was just wondering if there are any aces out here that hate sex, repulsed , won't have it done to them, and everything but LOVE romantic shows and explicit audiobooks. It also turns me on too. But in person, hell no. I don't want anything to do with it whatsoever.

I'm (M18 He/Him) allosexual and would describe myself as having a high libido, while my boyfriend (NB19 He/They/It) is sex repulsed and not interested in it. And that's totally fine! I love him far too much to break up with them *just* because I like sex, he's an incredible person and I am actually planning to marry him soon! :D My problem is that I occasionally think of him when I masturbate. This isn't often, as I'm more sexually attracted to fictional characters I like, but it's often enough that I feel guilty about it. I don't *actually* want to have sex with him, because if I did then that would mean they would be doing something they didn't want to, but I still think about him and I feel so bad about it. I haven't told him this because I know it would make themuncomfortable, and I keep anything sex-related far far away from him. I just wanted to come on here and ask other asexuals how they feel about this and ask if I should stop entirely, which I'm 100% willing to do. I want to improve myself and be the best boyfriend I can be.

Something I've struggled with for twenty years...

I've never felt sexual attraction to anyone. That much is certain. I just thought I was a late bloomer, as many other aces likely did in their high school days.

The closest thing I've ever felt was basically aesthetic attraction, to a boy when I was in high school. Basically it started off with an obsession about seeing him physically struggling in the pool, kicking his legs while holding onto a rectangular foam pool boat while not actually going anywhere, and the shorts he was wearing. So I wanted to try them on, and did so the next time we played together in the backyard pool at his house. After that, I mostly wanted to see him wear them, and there came many instances where he called out to me to give him a push or boost because he couldn't climb out of the pool, or onto the big inflatable ring (~12 person capacity) by himself. I enjoyed it every time, undoubtedly because of that aesthetic attraction. We were basically the same size, I was just taller. This carried on for a couple of years until I was in tenth grade, when he gave them to me. The feelings I had for him were growing stronger. I wished we could snuggle up together, go on trips to faraway places, but it could never happen because we were just kids. I'd been called gay whenever I tried to talk about it, but mostly just ignored it. Though I did start to wonder if I was gay, especially with the age difference between us of four years.

The image is an identical, larger pair of the shorts, as unfortunately his pair ended up being thrown out. It took me fifteen years of searching to find them. Likewise, I've never truly felt this way about anyone else, so I've been struggling to move on from it.

I (demisexual) am in a relationship with an ace person. We have been together for 10 months and we finally had a conversation about our sexuality where they explained to me that any kind of sexual experience is incredibly uncomfortable for them. I am glad we finally talked about it and cleared up all the unknowns.

But I am currently feeling grief because part of me wanted to have that kind of relationship with them. I almost believed that I could be hot enough to make them attracted to me. Clearing up that misconception is another reason I am happy we talked about it.

I do genuinely want to spend the rest of my life with them. Because of all their other traits. But I feel as though I am betraying my own body and possible experience.

My biggest fear is that I might build resentment over this, even though I am not mad at them. And it is not their fault. Nor is there anything wrong with them choosing to live a life they are satisfied with.

My main question is. How does it feel to be an ace person in a relationship with someone who wants sex? I cant imagine that is easy, or comfortable. How can I make the situation easier for my partner?

Anyone who has been in this situation.

What do you wish your allosexual partner understood? What ways do allosexual partners cope with this situation?

I was reading comments in another sub which was mostly about people talking about how often they have sex, and if they only had it with their partner a few times a month they’d struggle.
One commenter was saying at his age of 39 he’s happy with once or twice a week and another guy replied saying that at his age that’s crazy to be happy with that little amount.
I’m 38, recently split with my partner but we only had sex very infrequently, and it was mostly my fault because I just seem to have a very low sex drive and have struggled feeling sexual attraction in real world situations - and unfortunately I think I coped by using porn instead. When I read how I think most adults have pretty good and regular sex I just feel so sad that I think I’ve missed out on such a wonderful part of living. I’m now well over a year without having sex and it really makes me think there’s something wrong with me - I’ve even been to test my testosterone levels but they’re all in normal range for my age.
Anyone else have similar experiences?

Asking this for some recent events that made realice a lot my friends don't know I'm ace , they be assuming me and my bf have lots of sex and joking about our sexual life that in reality is barely existent . I don't think everyone should know about it since I feel like it's something more personal between me and him our sexual relationship and for extend my identity.

Also I don't want to think lesser of my bf or our relationship with the other types comments I received from people who do know so I no longer ever mention it around others and I just let them think what ever

I'm just curious how this maybe for others asexuals

You don't?

Uh... too bad!

Hi! Hello! Biro-aego game dev here, hopping in to showcase my two games that got accepted into Steam's Games That Ace It Festival - Veins Like Tapeworms and A Case of Missing Identity! I'm super proud of them both; the protagonist of VLT is flawed, messy, and kind of really sucks as a person, but players have been universally adoring them as ace rep whose asexuality is the tiniest sliver of who they are. ACoMI's protagonist is coded as ace in the demo, but I can assure you she'll be fully confirmed as such in the entire game + multiple other characters end up falling into the ace spectrum in just the demo along.

I'm really excited to showcase my games to you all, especially with how dogshit ace rep is in mainstream media; anything I can do to give us all something better is smth I'm proud to show off.

Just found this and thought it might fit in here.

I'm aroace, I know sod all about romance other than what I've read, seen or been told about, I don't care for it in the sense of wanting to partake in it but eating up all the information I can from friends etc from a distance is so bloody fun. Its like learning about a completely different way of life for the first time, first-hand, directly from the people who live it. (also vaguely funny for them to see me get literally every detail wrong, I deadass thought you picked crushes consciously)

I always try and be extra there for friends when they want to talk about love-stuff (gushing about good or venting about bad) because A: thats what friends are for and B: holy shit I am being pumped full of straight forbidden knowledge, its so cool.

Hi everyone, sorry if I'm writing so badly (I translated this text from Italian to English xD), but I need to vent a bit and maybe (hopefully) get some opinions on my problem.

I apologize in advance if some of my statements may seem discriminatory or offensive, but I wanted to write how I feel and what I'm really going through at this moment.

I'm a 24-year-old college student, sociable, athletic, etc.—basically, a normal guy like thousands of my peers. But I have a huge problem: I don't like sex, but not in the sense that it disgusts me; I have no sexual attraction (or very little, anyway) towards other guys (I'm gay). In itself, it wouldn't even be a problem, if it weren't for the fact that I'm extremely emotional and romantic, I know how to love deeply, I dream of a movie-like relationship, and I hope to have a family one day; but this "broken" side of me (asexuality) prevents all of this, and I suffer greatly because it prevents me from living my greatest dream: a relationship full of love.
Anyway, I've had boyfriends and been in relationships often and for long periods (I think I'm reasonably good-looking, and I still get a lot of attention from guys), but for one reason or another, aside from "foreplay," I've never done anything.
What made me collapse and sent me into this depressive spiral was my last relationship, which ended precisely because of this problem of mine.
From then on (it's been 5 months now), I've seen only darkness, blackness. I no longer know what to hold on to for hope of a better future. I honestly think that a life destined to be alone isn't worth living, or at least, from my point of view, an essential part of it is missing. And I'm now convinced that I'm destined for this, given that nowadays, if sex is missing from a relationship, everything or most of it is missing (obviously, I understand; I don't dare judge such a normal desire).
Nothing, lately I've only had dark thoughts, and at night I fall asleep thinking about how relieved I'd feel if I no longer had to struggle with this life of mine, which cruel fate has perfectly created with two opposing and irreconcilable sides.
That said, I hope I haven't bored you. If by chance you're in a similar situation to mine, perhaps sharing experiences or thoughts might provide a glimmer of hope. Or even if you're not in my situation, please let me know what you think, or if I'm exaggerating.

I live in Twin Cities. It's pretty accepting of people here. I don't think I've ever noticed asexual colors being worn in some way though. I don't even see any of the rings. I'd like to meet some others, but I don't know if I'm just oblivious to others or we're just rare. Do you hide it, which would make it even harder to see each other? What's been your experience?

(I don't know if it matters, but I'm a sex-repulsed Aego. I'm guessing there are even fewer of us running around.)

Basically, he says he's attracted to me, but it doesn't really show.

So I don't want to be sexual with him anymore, but we both value the connection enough to stay talking and bonded in a way.

I'm wondering if there are any guidelines, usual hurtles, or things to keep in mind in doing this for the first time?

I'm thinking of leaning into a kind of poly situation, he said he might be open to it.

I’ve known I’m ace for a few months now, thanks to a queer friend that brought the idea of asexuality to my attention. I ended up reading up about it and finally feeling understood for the first time.

The only person I’ve come out to so far is them (it went very well) and now I want to come out to my other queer friends (baby steps). Are there any tips for explaining it concisely, getting over anxiety before it and just words of encouragement for me?

Also does anyone have any tips for coming out to non-queer people who aren’t well averse in the concept of compulsory heterosexuality and might say something aphobic or invalidating to me in response?

Thank you so much for the help! This reddit has gotten me through a lot and I’m looking forward to what you all have to say!

Hi,

i've read many posts here but i'm now questioning.

I 26F do NOT enjoy sex. I have vaginismus so it's generally painful. I'm also repulsed by the idea of having sex.

However, i do experience arousal from specific adult content (generally that includes massages, toys (for lesbians), vanilla sex, as well as hentai when I was younger).

I have a partner of 6 years and I was able to have some intercourse in the first years of us dating although it wasn't something i typically enjoyed.

Fast forward to today: we haven't had sex in 1.5y. I've tried therapy and I was told I may be asexual and definitely "replused by men" (due to previous SA). It's true.

I've never really found the male genitalia attractive or arousing (but I do for female genitalia).

I have some wet dreams sometimes and I do sometimes get like "fantasies" if i see someone very beautiful or objectively attractive -but not sexual attraction-... It's more like: "wow they re really pretty, idk how it may feel to kiss them or hug them" but I never fantasize about sex.

I'm very confused since I knox I WOULDN'T LIKE kissing that person Irl (i find making out disgusting)

Idk what to do...

My partner is demisexual but monogamous so he doesn't want to have sex with someone else and also has low libido so he doesn't even initiate anymore.

So I am pretty asexual. Like I'd be okay with cuddles, maybe hand stuff. But nothing beyond that. But I wanna lean fem in my clothes / style at times. Any other fem-leaning people also aces? I feel like not many are? Or am I wrong? 😄

I was previously proud of my sexuality, ready to rule the world with my, uh, asexual-ness. I’m not too sure. But I was extremely proud, and best of all, confident.

Earlier this year, I asked out a boy friend I liked with a rose, then later with tickets to a concert at my city’s theater, and since then we’ve never stopped going on dates. I could tell our first Valentine’s Day a million times and never get sick of it. We love watching movies, and cuddling, gaming, exercising… all the cute activities that could make someone’s heart melt the way we love each other. He’s my first ever, and I’m his first real.

Because relationships usually have a lot of getting “down and dirty”, we’ve had many conversations on sex, and specifically, my extreme uninterest in it. He’s straight, and male, and young, therefore having urges, while I’m ace, barely considered straight, and I struggle to even think about sex, let alone have any libido. He is perfectly fine with it. In fact, he loves my individuality. Before I asked him to stop, he’d occasionally bring up trying it, but I have sensory issues, so I always said no. And after a brief silence, he’d squeeze me tighter, and let me ramble about some other topic I thought of.

That’s the weird part! He has never had an issue with me being asexual. I have been transparent about it since the first month, and yet I still feel like I’m depriving him of experiencing what is ultimately the most natural thing partners can do. If he was upset about that stuff, we would’ve broken up a long time ago, and yet he’s stayed. AGH! I hate my brain. Girlfriends are just insecure creatures.

Will everyone brag about your ace ring? I'm wondering which one is good. I'd be even more grateful if you recommend it!

WARNING: ill be going into detail on sexual stuff so if that makes you uncomfortable dont read this

im 22F and i never really considered the possibility of me being asexual until the last year or so. ive had celebrity crushes from a very young age (huge crushes, posters all over my wall and everything.) i realized in middle school that im possibly bi because i had little crushes on girls in my class but they were not as big as my celebrity crushes.

i think i started watching porn around 14-15 but never frequently and ive always been picky on what i watch. with most porn i felt nothing, i couldnt watch straight stuff because it all felt rapey to me. i think i mostly watched lesbian stuff around that time but now i mostly watch gay. i cant get into it if it doesn't feel real and if i cant imagine whoever my current character/celebrity crush is as someone in it.

i didn't really get into fanfiction until i was around 16 but i greatly prefer that to porn. i generally read stuff that is fetishy and might not even involve sex at all but it still leads to orgasm. i do occasionally read just normal gay sex stuff but intimacy without penetration is just a lot more attractive to me. and even with porn i prefer kinky out of the ordinary non penetration stuff. i dont think i could ever get into non-fanfiction erotica because i cant get into something sexual without already being invested in the characters.

i think this is unrelated to asexuality but sometimes i wonder if me not wanting to have sex has something to do with me feeling shame in being a woman. or that reading stories with women reminds me too much of me so i just cant get into it at all. i hate the idea of a man being inside me i find that degrading but i think i would be fine with pegging a guy. i would either want a relationship with no sex (which seems super rare to find) or just kink stuff occasionally would be fine but im so specific on that i dont think i could find someone thats into the same stuff as me (i mean i guess there are people out there from what i find on ao3 but they all seem to be women)

one of my big interests is wrestling and most of my current celebrity crushes are wrestlers. i feel a lot of physical attraction towards men for everything other than their penis, i dont really think about that part of them. sometimes i kind of forget that cis men dont have vaginas

ive never been in a relationship and it makes me sad to think about how its not a possibility for me lol. i think part of my problem could be ocd because the thought of kissing even grosses me out so it could be a contamination fear. sorry if this isnt the right place to post this kinda just wanted to write stuff down and try to make some sense of it. i started watching this show that has sex scenes in every episode and that led to me thinking about all of this because of how much it grossed me out