idk if this counts as aphobia so im gna tag the tw anyway

so recently one of my friends confessed and idk but i feel kinda disturbed. im in the midst of my country's equivilant of the igcses rn and she sprang that onto me in the middle of my revision and i couldnt focus after that. for context she's a great friend of mine (im graduating, shes a grade below me) we've known eo for 2+ years and i gen valued her friendship up until she confessed. i did tell her i was aroace & her reply was "but i really like u, can u be normal and give us a try?" and ts lowkey pissed me off. she also said she was gna and i quote kill the people i have an amazing platonic relationship with, so she could become the most important person although i think she was joking (i really hope she was). my close friend also told me while i was walking to school that she kinda glared at her & idk what to do w that. idk how to reject her, and wld i be a bad person for wanting to block her number too?

Lately I've been thinking about what kind of attraction I feel for certain genders.

Mostly for men, really. I've been thinking I was a berrisexual biromantic aroace. But after finding out other types of attraction exists, I'm doubting they're the right labels for me.

Could anyone please tell me the types of attractions out there? So far I've only heard of alterous/aesthetic attraction other than platonic/romantic/sexual.

Also if anyone knows the asexual non-erotic slag for 'cracking' please let me know, I have situations I must use it for. XD

18f here for reference.

So these past few years, I've slowly been realizing I'm aroace, or at least on the spectrum. I've never had a real crush before, not even on a fictional character or anything. The problem is I keep trying to force myself to like people, but whenever I do it ends terribly because I don't feel much of anything towards these 'crushes' of mine. I also know it's considered leading them on, which is terrible and I don't want to be that person anymore.

Has anyone else here had a problem like this, and if so, what did you do to stop? How did you accept you're aroace? Any advice at all is appreciated.

Colors may be a bit off (my color pencils hate me T-T)

Why is Ryland Grace hc as Aroace? Ive seen the movie and I kinda see it. Is it a book thing or did I miss something from the movie?

When did you find out you were aro, ace, or aroace?

Pendant quelques mois, je pensais avoir compris que j'étais aro/ace, car plusieurs choses de mon enfance le laissaient deviner.

Mais, je me suis rendu compte que je voulais tomber amoureux.se, avoir une copine ou un copain, etc...

Je me baladais dehors la nuit dernière et il y avais beaucoup de filles très jolies, qui aurais pu etre mon style, mais, je ne sais pas pourquoi, l'idée d'être amoureux.se me fais bizarre, comme ca m'étais étranger. (Pourtant, j'avais "ressentis" de "l'attirance" lors de mes années collège, mais je ne sais pas si c'etais juste de l'admiration...)

Bref, c'etais probablement tres mal expliquer, veuillez m'excuser...😅🥲 merci d'avoir lu !

Hiii! I recently came out as aroace lesbian and i was wondering, since ace lesbians are called 《bambi》, is there any label for us? and for aromantic lesbias?

I am aroace. Can I be accepted I just downloaded Reddit

I’ve always been queer. So exploring different identities was never rlly that much of a “wow!” experience for me. I found out about LGBTQ+ community in 2016 when I was 12 or 13. Back then it was just LGBT.

I’ve always felt genderless and when I found out about orientations, I realised that meant there was finally a reason that I didn’t like any of the boys in any of the schools I attended.

So I thought “oh- well then I must be gay.” But the way I felt about other girls was the same way I felt for boys.

I could be, have been and would like to be close with a person. Not a gender. So I felt incredibly conflicted over this for YEARS. So I was on and off with the labels of bisexual (because 0 + 0 must equal 2) til around 2024 when it peaked and had a breakdown.

At the time, I was in a relationship and was dealing with manipulation from a sapphic friend who was essentially, kind of pressuring me into accepting a sapphic identity and breaking up with my boyfriend to “not waste his time” (and be with her instead.)

She also assigned the song “good luck babe” to me. So. You can imagine how distressing hearing the lyrics about waking up years from now realising I’d made the wrong decision.

There were levels to the toxicity of the connection. I won’t go into it.

Either way, It was NOT helpful to have someone adding weight to an already very distressing situation I’d been dealing with since before my adolescence.

I’ll admit I was close with her as I was with my boyfriend (who was my best friend and to this day, still is my best friend. Just platonically now.) Which also added to my confusion.

Shouldn’t this be a no-brainer? Shouldn’t this be easy? Shouldn’t romantic love and attraction feel differentiating enough? Why do I feel like I need to write out the pros and cons to both connections and who’d like to be the closest to?

At the time, I felt almost the same for both of them. Which I didn’t realise was just… platonic. I felt like choosing between two friends I wanted to be close to just in different ways and couldn’t understand what it had to do with my orientation and why it mattered.

But eventually, I reached my limit stopped being friends with her because in the end, there were too many red flags and too many arguments to come back from. And I felt uncomfortable.

He (now my ex? Ig?) and I are still best friends and he’s seen me through a lot. All he has ever wanted for me is to be happy and I love him like family. Cannot imagine my life without him. He remains the person I feel the most myself with to this day.

But I realised that my gender also seemed to be impacted by who I was “with” or thought about too. Even with shipping characters.

If it were a ship between a man and a woman, I’d want to be both of them. But wouldn’t want to be with either of them. I wanted to experience the romance from both perspectives but hated putting myself in their shoes realistically. (Self-shipping ig)

And this went for romance too. I loved the idea of both sapphic and non-sapphic relationships. But when I was in them, I found myself performing gender for my own entertainment… I guess to not be bored?

If I was with a girl, I wanted to experience a guy’s perspective. If I was with a guy, I wanted to experience a girl’s perspective.

There has also been times I’d rlly want to experience the connection through sapphic lens and gay lense too.

And since I’m enby, it helped me experiment with gender expression too.

But romantically, it always felt kinda like. Playing VR. Being able to experience the romance I admired in movies and games and books but. Not actually able to touch it. Not fr anyway.

I wanted to experience the same intrigue I had with watching/reading fictional romance. I even tried to mirror couples I liked in shows and movies. But I always ended up bored or overwhelmed with my role and wanted to move onto the next novelty. With my bestie, I never had that. I never wanted to leave him. What we had, I realise was pretty much a QPR. But we didn’t know that and definitely weren’t educated enough to understand it.

These days, it’s funny because. I know that in aroace. I don’t want a sub label. I know that I’m enby too. But I also know that the connection I want in my life (a QPR) is not the type of connection I like to swoon over (romance).

And when I have “crushes” now, it’s funny because I don’t feel the same about it anymore. I know I’m just bored and wanna live vicariously both through gender and the experience of a romantic relationship.

I feel very at peace now. FINALLY. Hhh.

Because well I have struggle to put in words..and as maybe qpr just non romantic relationship queerplatonic partner or coming out for best friends...

I find myself hard time with that can anyone help with advices or help explain for non aroacespec ppl?

Bc is an ace awareness week!! Happy ace week!

As welp lithsexual I find it very awkward and I never outed myself before

16M, Hi, so tbh I don’t really know how to explain what I’m feeling or how to describe my experience. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, but I’m not particularly sure about all the meanings and shades Aro and Ace could have, so I’m not sure whether I could be one or the other, or even both. I’d simply like to know if what I’m experiencing has a name and if there r other people who relate to what I’m felling. If I had to guess I think I’m leaning more towards Aro than Ace, but as I said I’m not sure.

So one thing that immediately comes to my mind is that I have absolutely NO interest in dating, nor trying to have any interaction with people with the intention of trying to flirt in the slightest way, it doesn’t repulse me at all, it’s just something that, to me, I find pointless. I have been receiving countless criticis from literally everyone I know about this, yet I just don’t understand them. In my idea a relationship should make your life better, so it has to be something improves your life, but if that something is something u don’t want, how can it ever make it better? Like it’s just something my brain cannot conceive. I just want friends, lots of real friends, I don’t care about dating, kissing or all suff like that, I just want people to feel happy with, to hang around with, and to joke and laugh together, and I don’t see why everyone keeps telling me that I should find this person in a partner, why can’t it just be a friend, which is what I want.
I’ve only had ONE crush in my entire life, and even then it was pretty wierd. My crush was not about the fact that I could get together with that person, that we could kiss or hold hands and stuff like that, it was a feeling I can describe as “I want that person to be my best BEST friend”, I tend to imagine a LOT of things (I mean trying to think about how future events that regard my life could go, prolly caused by my OCD), and I obviously did it to with her, and not one single time I ever imagined something even close to a relationship, but always a close and deep friendship. Anyways after a while my crush died out cause she started ghosting me, cause in the meanwhile she got a bf and I didn’t know😭😭, even then I stopped before knowing she had gotten a bf, because I realized she just didn’t wanna talk to me and I wasn’t gonna force her, but the strange thing is that even though this crush lasted like 9 months, when it ended I felt, not emotionless, but just indifferent, like “oh ok, she doesn’t like me back”, which I find wierd considering how big my crush was and how long it lasted. Also I wanna point out that I’m still friends with this girl, and I even helped one of my best friends get together with her, just to say I have absolutely no hard feelings.
This was a year and a half ago, and as of right now I’m planning to stay single for at least until 25, when I’ll be done with university, and hopefully I’ll have achieved my dream of being a voice actor, but even then, I think I’ll still wanna be single even after. I’ve told people about this, and I do understand why they can find it wierd, but find it THIS MUCH
wired?? I think it’s not wierd at all. I’m not saying it to cope cause I can’t flirt or get in a relationship, it’s just something I simply don’t want at all, reason why I felt so wierd about having a crush the first time

Now about the part that makes me think I could be Ace. I wanna point out that I don’t think I understand completely the Ace spec, so I might just be referring to things unrelated, anyways it’s simply a lack of information, I apologize preemptively.

First of all, I’m bi, which already I believe is the BIGGEST contradiction to being Ace, right? The thing that makes me think that there’s something different is how I approach at physical sexual activities.
First of all, the idea of having sex doesn’t disgust me in any way (once again I apologize if this is just a stereotype, I’m not well informed), it’s just that I’m completely indifferent, I’m not trying to get to do anything remotely sexual with people, I just think that if someone were to ask me, like a sort of “fuckbuddy” I’d definitely agree, if the opportunity presented itself then yeah, but if it were to be like this it absolutely had to be with no feelings for each other (more a problem for the other person, not for me), but I just don’t care, it just doesn’t make any difference for me, I’m completely fine both with and without it.
Another thing I find wierd is how low my libido is, now I don’t know if it’s just a matter of hormones. I di masurbate, and once again I don’t hate it at all, it’s just so less frequently that all other boys my age, like I hear every day how friends of mine come 3 times a day every day, while I’m on like twice a week, which from what I understand is super low.
And lastly attraction, it happens that I see a girl or a boy I find cute, but once again it’s different from what I see of people my age, who , when they see someone they like, they’re usually like “how much I wanna…” yeah, no need to continue, right (unfortunately us of the male gender were blessed with a third of girls’s braincells, in the most cases, such as this one), which not only I find SUPER DISRESPECTFUL, but also completely different from my experience. When I see someone I like, it’s more like when I see a cute dog, in my head I’m like “OMG, he/she is soooo cuuuute” and it ends there.
Also I have never experienced any form of sexual attraction towards anyone, which once again I find kinda wierd cause isn’t masturbating or even the fuckbuddy thing from earlier exactly that? I’ve never experienced it towards someone I know (not even my crush from earlier), but if I were to, it had ti be without fellings? I don’t know how to explain in an understandable way it to be honest.

Sorry to anyone who decided to read all this, and thanks a lot🫶🏻🫶🏻

Hi I'm on the aro and ace spectrum, and I think a guy in my class might have been trying to flirt with me since the beginning of high school. I honestly don't know what to think about it, and I'm really confused.

Looking back, there have been quite a few things that flew under my radar. For example, he once pushed our tables together so he could sit right next to me, even though there were around ten guys sitting at the other table.
Another time, when my friend and I were cycling past him, he turned around to look at me and smiled. I don't usually smile at him, and I'm quite monotone in general, so I don't know what to make of that.

He also remembers things I said at the beginning of high school, almost two years ago. I've noticed other little things, too, and he seems to act differently around me than he does around the other girls in my friend group.
There are probably other things I've missed as well, since I'm not very good at picking up on these kinds of things.

Lately, these things seem to have been happening more and more often, and I've started wondering if he's been trying to flirt with me this whole time.
The whole situation makes me kind of nervous because I'm not very good at reading these situations. I also wonder if he might have interpreted some of my behaviour as flirting, even though I didn't mean it that way. I've made a few jokes with him that could possibly be interpreted as flirting, but I didn't really think about them like that at the time.

I've never had a crush on anyone before, so I genuinely have no idea how I'm supposed to feel about any of this. I don't even know whether I'm interested in him or just confused by the possibility that he might be interested in me.

I'm also worried about what I'd do if he actually asked me out. I wouldn't know how to react or what to say, especially when I don't even understand my own feelings yet.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you figure out how you felt when someone might have been interested in you? And how do you handle it when you don't know whether you like someone back?

I'd really appreciate hearing about other people's experiences or any advice you have.
P.S. Happy Ace Week! 🖤🩶🤍💜

not exactly the WHOLE plot but the concept of getting married to a rich gay guy in order to hide his true relationship from his evil homophobic family is like, rlly cool. (+points if he’s your best friend)

like u defo set for life and then not worry much about getting married and stuff, u got the whole lavender marriage shenanigans.

the only problem is that its highly unlikely and i don’t think i have the standards since they’re rich obviously lol

I dreamed a dream - les miserable

I wish I could just get crushes normally like everybody else. I miss the feeling of having a crush. The butterflies, the flusteredness… it made me feel alive. Since I have BPD, I’m miserable most of the time, and so I enjoy having a crush because it’s a break from that misery. It makes me feel something other than pain. But I get crushes, on average, about once every seven years, and they have all been on straight men (I’m male).😐 I just can’t have anything happy, huh?

My most recent crush has gone away because of his lack of contact with me, and it genuinely felt like a devastating, soul crushing loss. Not only because he was straight, not only because I rarely get crushes and this means I’ll have to find someone else and I don’t know when the next crush will come, but because he made me feel so alive and now it’s gone. And I don’t know when I’ll get the next burst of joy.

Being sex repulsed, semi aromantic, unattractive, gender dysphoric, and having BPD is a brutal combo. It genuinely feels like a curse from hell. You search all over for happiness and it never stays. It’s agonizing. I just want the fluttery feeling of having a crush to come back…

Everyone says “oh, just put yourself out there and meet more people” as if it’s that easy. I wish there was something I could do to make my brain get crushes easier. I feel like I’m destined to a life of misery and to die without a partner because my pool is so fucking small.

I‘m like 70% confident I’m on the aroace-spec but I’m not sure what exactly. I’m pretty sure I’m ace, since I realized I only really just have a libido but not direct attraction to specific people. What’s bugging me is my handling of romantic attraction. I don’t know what differentiates it from emotional or aesthetic attraction, nor if what I feel counts as romantic.

I can find someone‘s appearance beautiful. I’ve seen people and found them genuinely pretty to the point I glance at them multiple times. I love people with nice hair, nice tattoos, arms, pretty eyes and freckles. I find humans in terms of our physical bodies to be beautiful. There were moments where I wished I was a painter so I could paint someone I found beautiful.

When I meet someone I can relate to in terms of past experiences and internal struggles I get this strong attachment to them. I’m not sure if it counts as romantic attraction or love, nor have any of the people I felt this way towards lead to me having a romantic relationship with them. I actually never had a partner and while I usually say my last crush was in high school those were iffy. In retrospect high school me just wanted to experience a relationship and would often pursue whoever was nice to them.

I enjoy physical affection like cuddling, but not dating. My brain doesn’t really get how dating and relationships operate. Whenever I hear people talk about their love life I’m really confused at best and irritated at worse. I can’t tell if this is me not getting societal norms or genuine dislike for dating. I also get very scared at the concept of getting into a relationship due to constantly overthinking about bad things happening to me or me doing something wrong to my partner

Could this me potentially being aroace or am I questioning myself too much? Sorry for the yap I just need to know.

I recently came out as ace (still questioning if im aro/demiaro) but sometimes i feel like im not valid.
I’ve had “crushes” in the past, but sometimes i sit and wonder if i really had a crush or if i just really wanted to be their friend. Ive heard experiences from other aro/aces and I feel like I don’t have the same realization/coming out moments like they do (I’ve never pretended I had a crush on someone to fit in for example). I sometimes find people attractive, but i don’t necessarily feel the urge to do anything about it y’know? I downloaded hinge to try to really figure myself out but I’m feeling more questions than answers. I find people attractive sometimes, but I feel uncomfortable at the thought of being in a relationship and don’t know if it’s because I’m just afraid of being vulnerable, if im being too picky, or if im really on the aroace umbrella. I don’t know, sometimes I feel like im faking it because sometimes I do want a relationship but the thought of being completely vulnerable and doing romantic stuff with someone makes me uncomfortable. At the same time, I’ve never dated so I don’t know if that’s related or something (idk im kinda new to the community, sorry if my post doesn’t make a lot of sense 😓)

So I see the word aesthetic attraction being used by acearo community, I'm a science major

And I personally find other science majors or people in intellectual pursuit in general very very attractive

Another thing I find "beautiful" Not just the aesthetics, that is

The physical beauty of some people like eyes or their hair which I find beautiful well Maybe because I'm gender fluid so😅

So this is a discussion post so let me know your definition of aesthetic attraction or beauty

I've never been into relationship or I'm not experienced there

But yeah other than let me know about your experience🤗🥰