Like if im asexual could i have a crush on a girl without actually talking to her and knowing her? Im talking about heteroromanics the ones that dont care about any sort of looks of physical attributes but only personality and values etc

any aroace spec people here who cannot handle unlabelled relationships. or even ambiguous ones. so i do know i don't have the typical experience because im cupioromantic asexual so i do desire a relationship, yet at the same time i don't desire the romanticness of relationships. so logically i feel like a qpr should satisfy that itch for companionship and closeness that i want to experience.

and yet i think it's my autistic brain that can't handle ambiguously labelled relationships. i need something concrete and somehow the thing i find concrete is an actual bf/gf relationship. it's so frustrating because i want something that i won't even experience properly.

It's that time again. The Ace Community Survey 2026 is now open.

"The survey is open to anyone: ace, non-ace, or questioning. As long as you are 13 years of age or older, we want to hear from you! We want to get a wide variety of responses from as many parts of the community as possible, so we encourage you to share this link with any other potentially interested individuals you know or any ace communities you participate in."

https://acecommunitysurvey.org/

There are days where it is rough. I get it.

Sometimes people will make infuriating comments.

That does not change this :

You are amazing the way you are!

I support you!

Happy asexual week!

I am doing my best to be a good ally.

What is your favorite food and drink combo?

I keep thinking it's a possibility because I never enjoyed kissing no matter who it is. I think the only physical touching I truly enjoy is the hand holding and the cuddling. My heart has dropped many times when people wanted more. Like I want relationships but I could be content without a lot of physical stuff.

Could anyone elaborate on why someone might identify someone as asexual based on vibes?

I apologize to you. From now on, I will be by your side and will always support you. Please forgive me.

TLDR at the end.

Just needed to talk my heart out about this because I have no one else to tell.

I kind of want a reason for this, because it doesn't feel normal (duh) but it disturbs me. I've never been well, SAed irl like the most extreme situation (sorry I just can't use that word for myself), so i find it unusual. I know people can have traumatic dreams or flashbacks of such incidents, but I have never even experienced it. So I can't explain why I have these dreams, they also aren't descriptive, they're implied which I'll tell you later on.

**Backstory:**

So, I'm an asexual (aegosexual) girl, I found out I was asexual around the age of twelve or so, so basically like at an age just when sexual exploration starts out for many people. It was the same for me, it was around Covid times so I got a lot of time on the internet. Andddd just like any teenager I used to consume a lot of smut content whether written or like as mangas, I did watch some p0rn but yeah it just grossed me out so I watched it a looooot less.

Back then, I loved reading smut content and started out with straight but discovered gay smut and haven't gone back since. The obsession slowly lessened over the years which is alright.

I honestly don't remember if these dreams happened back then, but I have a strong suspicion it might have.

**Timeskip to now** and description.

So for the past few years, I've been having dreams, or rather nightmares of implied SA. I don't actually see it happening but it's implied whether through ridiculously abstract ways or just writing on a notepad or sometimes being slammed against a desk or a wall (nothing happens afterwards because the dream either abruptly ends or abruptly changes direction). It doesn't directly have to happen to me but there are still weird connotations about it like hints of people preying on me. I am quite frankly disgusted by these dreams. The second last one happened around the start of September and I told my boyfriend about it. It's the only dream I've told him about.

The last one happened yesterday (I think?), I can't remember the dream anymore because I had more pressing issues but it had something to do with being drugged and SAed but this one felt a lot more real and I think I saw more of the situation than in my previous dreams, also the length between these dreams was so close together that I was even more concerned because they happen, but rarely, maybe once or twice a year.

I can't figure out if this is a byproduct of my asexuality or... something else? Which doesn't make sense because I do have physical and emotional abuse trauma but not s3xual abuse. I have been mol3sted but nothing beyond that so this isn't making any sense to me. I can't tell my parents because well they're crazy, simply put. My friends can't help at all and I don't want to tell them either. I don't feel comfortable discussing this stuff with anyone and I can't come out about being asexual to anyone in authority positions as my country is very conservative and idk what will happen if I do.

These dreams have always made me feel disgusted and uncomfortable and I can't find any reason for it. I'd be alright if it was actually a good s3xual dream but no! It's always SA. Well, I'm asexual so a good s3xual dream is a far stretch :'). I'm tired of these dreams and I don't want to walk around feeling abnormal and i just needed SOMEONE to tell. So I came here, most people I know are allo or too young to talk about this stuff with. And reddit is the best place because well I have a community here and only here :)

Thanks for reading <3

TLDR: I have weird nightmares of getting SAed (usually implied but recently it was more descriptive) and have never had a 'normal' s3xual dream. It's creeping me out and making me feel weird, as if something's wrong with me. I can't figure out why this is happening because I don't have previous s3xual trauma or anything.

As a person on the Ace spectrum (possibly Ace flux) I want to know anything in that us Aces have faced that have been annoying. Here are some basic meanings! :D

I (26F) think I've been identifying as asexual since I was around 17, but lately I've been questioning myself and would really appreciate hearing from people with similar experiences.

I've had one serious relationship, and before that, I went on dates and had situationships. I do get crushes, and I can feel excited about someone, but it's usually someone I already know rather than a complete stranger. Sometimes the feelings are mutual too.

The confusing part is that once things actually develop into an established relationship, something seems to switch off in my brain. As soon as my partner wants to hold hands, kiss or initiate more physical intimacy, I start feeling uncomfortable. The more they push for intimacy or become romantic, the more overwhelmed and almost repulsed I feel. I also don't think I'm particularly romantic myself.

I've noticed this pattern in my situationships as well. My one serious relationship was going fine in many ways, but eventually the constant romantic and physical intimacy started driving me a little crazy. It wasn't necessarily that I disliked the person, it was more that the expectations and physical affection themselves became overwhelming.

Interestingly, I've made out with people before when I was a little tipsy (not drunk, and I knew what I was doing). They were always people I already knew. But when I think about kissing or having sex in general, I don't feel particularly interested. If anything, the thought makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable, almost like I want to disconnect from my body.

I've also wondered about open relationships. In theory, I like the idea of being with someone I genuinely like while they can have their physical needs met with someone else. But I've never actually tried it, so I don't know how I'd feel in practice or whether I'd become jealous.

Recently, a new friend suggested that maybe I just haven't met the right person, or perhaps I have a fear of intimacy. That got me thinking. As far as I can remember, I haven't experienced any major trauma, apart from things like being catcalled on the street. I also didn't grow up in a conservative or sexually repressive household, quite the opposite, actually.

So I'm wondering whether this is simply how my asexuality manifests, whether I might be aromantic or somewhere on the aroace spectrum, whether I experience romantic attraction differently from other people, or whether there's something else I haven't figured out yet.

Has anyone else experienced this? Can you have crushes and genuinely like someone, but feel almost averse to physical affection or romantic expectations once you're actually in a relationship? How did you figure out the difference between asexuality, or possibly having difficulties with intimacy?

I'm not necessarily looking for a label to fit me perfectly. I think I'm just struggling to understand why I can want to be close to someone in theory, but feel so uncomfortable when that closeness becomes a reality.

Any advice or personal experiences would be really appreciated. ❤️

If there are any Ace-Spec people here that want to explain what it means in the comments, please do. I do know what it means, but this is for people who don't yet know.