I still cant believe it. We were so ecstatic to find out we were pregnant back in February, on valentines day, after 7 years of infertility and thinking a life with child would never be in our future. I used to distance myself with friends who got pregnant (not too much, but keeping my heart sane by not wanting to know much details about labor, what they buy for babies etc) and apparently after those 7 years, we had our turn to be parents too?

The pregnancy was not easy to me, who has motion sickness on a daily basis, it was just horrendous to have that feeling the entire day. When first tri all over, body starts to ache and I have never been back to my old training routines, all the food aversions while food was usually my survival, all just made me not feel like myself. Then I got GD on week 30. Short to say it's a period I just want to skip and move forward to meeting my daughter.

And just exactly last week, she came to the world. The long-awaited beautiful daughter. The one that me, husband, family and friends celebrated for me and welcomed to the world with joy. Except I was in shock of how fast I wasnt pregnant anymore?

And all of a sudden I become very aware of the ending. How those stages of testing for blood sugar was no longer required. All the midwifes & doctors appointments are no longer there. Those week-to-week pregnancy videos we used to watch are no longer in our feed. My belly is empty, and my daughter is sleeping on it, not in it. The hospital bag has served its purpose, all the pads I snatched from the hospital starts to run out. All of a sudden I'm not pregnant anymore and I become so scared of moving on from that identity as a pregnant woman, whom just days ago was just feeling very fragile and now just isn't that anymore.

And the shift, is inexplicable. It was like I was high when I was pregnant. The old, pregnant me would not even think like this at all. Just throw this, throw that, lets go back as soon as we can to the gym, let the baby be as independent as possible, lets go back to school after this short period of delay. No cry no weep nothing.

But the now me is a crying ball of sentimental here and there things. Can't even cut off the hospital bracelet because it means it really ends. Can't let baby sleep in bassinet because just days ago she was still so comfy inside of me, I'm gonna hold her like this till I cant anymore. I dont care that I dont sleep. I want to just.. stay where we are right now because everything is changing so fast and I feel like I'm trying to hold onto something but everything's changing by the minutes and I cant go back to that.

And I'm too skeptical of therapists that will get this feeling, so I don't even know where to start asking for help. Mentioned it on the followup check but they all want me to wait for the two week mark of whether or not it's "just" baby blues or depression. Thanks, I can barely function cause all I do is cry over any small things. My husband is my rock for all he's been doing. Friends are begging to knock on my door but I cant accept that help because they will not know/understand/relate to this side of me, and accepting them feels like I've accepted that I have moved on to the next chapter of life. It's so lonely in this hole of nostalgia and reminisce, the dark approaching winter surely doesnt help my case at all.

The shift is real. I'm really not the same person I was. I was really prepared and planned everything before, but now Im in a hole that I dig myself and I dont know when I can get out of it.

Sorry to be such a bummer, really didn't know my lovely journey would end this way. Thank you for reading, it was a pleasure being in this subreddit through all my pregnancy journey and graduated safely.

So my wife has been dealing with her postpartum depression the last three months and it’s gotten to the point where she’s really contemplated killing herself just so she doesn’t feel this way. So I’ve sat her down and talked to her asked why she would want to do such a thing. And every time she’s says no one would miss me and everyone would be better off.
And I’ve told her no we wouldn’t be like we would all miss you so much and the kids would all miss you. Especially our oldest he and my wife quite literally do everything together.

And I’m not over exaggerating or anything because tonight she text me are you awake? And I thought that’s odd because if she wanted to talk to me she could just come out to the living room where I’m at. And then I thought to myself shes actually going to try and do it tonight because she’s always said that she would try and do it while I’m sleeping so I wouldn’t stop her.

So idk if I’m posting this to rant or to have someone say I’m overthinking it but please I could use some advice. Also she does take antidepressants and I pretty much have stayed at home during all this to help my wife get through this.

I’m so tired. Too tired to do anything that I need to do around the house or for myself or for him. All I do is breastfeed him and hold him. When I put him down, he cries. I worry that I’m too tired to learn about what I need to do for him to develop and to grow. That I’m going to ruin him. That I’m a bad mother. I’m not cut out for this and I shouldn’t have done this.

So I went to the emergency room about 2 days ago, and was prescribed an anti depressant for symptoms related but not related to what I’m currently dealing with, my daughter is three months old, and over the past two weeks outside of those symptoms I have had visual hallucinations that seem like I’m looking through a magnifying glass at everything, no auditory hallucinations but I was told it was probably sleep deprivation. My husband lets me get naps in and has had the night shift this entire time but goes back to work next week and I genuinely want to know what’s going on with me and whether or not other moms have experienced this kind of situation, answers would be greatly appreciated as most of my care team seems to be no real help.

Hello! I am a male (34) and looking for guidance on my fiancé's PP situation. She (35) has been in PP depression for 3 1/2 years now. She has not wanted to be intimate with me or even touch me (hold hands, kiss, back rub, etc) for most of this time as well. We've had sex once during this time and its causing an issue in our relationship.

I've done my best to support her. I take on almost all responsibilities with our child. She works full time as a nurse and is almost never home at a reasonable time. She has a stressful job. I work from home and do all the cooking, cleaning, and most of the child care. I try to make her life easier by taking these things on. I know shes depressed and struggling and she has taken some steps to get better (losing weight, doing projects she likes, getting nails and hair done regularly) but, none of these things have really helped her or our intimacy issue.

We had a conversation about this the other day where she admitted she would be fine with never waking up again. I offered to go to therapy with her but she refuses. She also refuses to go see her doc. She states "its just one more thing for me to do".

I want us to be loving, intimate, and happy again but all of our efforts are not working. I am not sure what to do at this point. We both admitted to being lonely. We started having one date per week now (at home since we have no childcare yet) the dates are fun but after, things are just the same. I like to leave her little notes on her car before she leaves for work. They usually say "thanks for taking care of us" or "have a great day beautiful " she doesn't ever respond to them. I think she just ignores them honestly.

Looking for some advice here from women who have gone through similar situations.

Looking for postpartum medication experiences from fellow PMDD / ADHDers

Why is there almost this desire to stay in the darkness? Like I know there are things I can do to change the scenery: put on some music, watch a show, make some tea, grab a snack, light a candle, listen to a sermon, step outside or even into a different room.

But I don’t. There’s nothing I want to do less than practice self care. Why is the dread addicting? Why do I choose this? My soul is so heavy and I don’t have the desire to change it.

I gave birth 5 weeks ago, and my husband is back to work (12 hours alone Monday through friday) and has to go pick up his other child every other weekend (6 hours alone on Friday and Sunday).

I am starting to feel resentment and a bit of PPD, as I realize just how much time I am alone. He is a wonderful and patient man, but if I’m honest, I am getting upset with him for leaving me alone with a newborn for such an extended amount of time. With my stepson, I’m feeling like my husband is having to split his time between two kids, making me feel like a “baby momma”, where I need to take care of our child by myself so he can go take care of his son. I love his son, but this is too much some days.

Does anyone have experience with this? How did you manage your own emotions and find happiness? When he’s here, he’s wonderful!! I miss having his support consistently.

Hi!
I am currently hospitalized for PPD. I was officially diagnosed only 2 days ago but since i am still breastfeeding (5 weeks pp) they are reluctant to put me on medication as it would mean that i would have to stop breastfeeding.
I feel like delaying the start of medication will only make this last longer and would rather stop pumping if it means a faster recovery for me and my family.

What do you guys think? Are there any major downsides to the medication that would make you not want to take it over trying to get through it with just therapy?

Hello all,

I am a ftm, with a struggling story that still has its ups and downs. I have a lot going on in my brain, things I feel like would break my fiancé if I told him the things I'm about to say, but what better place than somewhere I can tell people who might relate in some ways? I am sorry for the long text ahead, hes almost 8mo now and a lot has gone on, I think about this every day.

The day my son was born was both the best and worst of my life. Im a type 1 diabetic, something ive had since I was about a year old; its something ive always been afraid of passing onto my baby and the complications it can cause during pregnancy, so when I was younger I decided I wanted no biological children. Ive also never been the kind of person who's very driven or ambitious towards anything in particular, like my life has no purpose or real reason to continue.

My son made me feel like I do now, I have someone who truly needs me, hes the greatest things thats happened in my life and that I've ever "done," so to speak. Yet, I've even managed to mess this up greatly, in a way I feel like I can never make up for.

I found I was pregnant at 6 months, due to no symptoms, or when I had symptoms like very light nausea or headaches it always happened at the time my blood sugars were too high, which are symptoms I feel on a normal basis when they are. My period has also never been regular, and have had a few times where its gone 3-4 or more months without happening, so I wasn't blatantly obvious to me that I was. I had also only gained 3 pounds over those 6 months, but i was also eating more consistent meals thanks to my fiancé; the symptoms only started hitting me like a truck literally the week after I found out (haha, thanks life).

The rest of my pregnancy had its own ups and downs; I had way too much extra fluid (I was told after my initial water break, my water broke several more times in the OR), terrible symptoms and a glucose/blood sugar levels that could be hard to control. On top of that, near the end of my pregnancy my MFM team kept sending me up to L&D for extra monitoring despite me not feeling true contactions.

On the day he was born, they had sent me upstairs again after I had already been there for an hour. I then proceeded to stay in an L&D room for extra monitoring for several more hours, and eventually told they wanted to induce me due to the amount of activity they were seeing even though I felt nothing. They allowed me to go to my insurance covered hospital however since I was only 10 minutes away from it, and again spent several more hours having more contraction monitoring with my fiance and mom there with me. He was due to be induced a week later, however they asked if I had a preference to wait or be induced today; I decided to go home with my fiancé.

Not even 3 hours later my water broke and we rushed back to the hospital, where I was monitored again. He was in distress due to the "violent" nature of my water breaking, and also perhaps now not having as much fluid as he was used to. I was eventually taken in for an emergency c-section.

All I can truly remember is the pain in my neck as I laid on the OR bed, hearing the OB and anesthesiologist talking me through what I might feel or what was happening; the blue curtain in front of me and just how badly my body was screaming to fall asleep. My baby didnt cry when he was born, I didnt even realize this until some tine ago. They wheeled me back out in a rush when they were done, and although they stopped for just a moment to let me see my baby from across the room because my fiance asked to let me see him, I cant even remember that. I cant remember seeing my baby for the first time.

I cant remember what happened after that besides waking up to my mom and fiancé at my bedside, far past 2am. I was still so dazed and tired from the drugs I can barely remember the full conversation, but my fiance told me our baby had suffered from a lack of oxygen, from unknown reasons or how it happened exactly, and that he had to be put on cooling to slow any further damage there might be. I was told that my baby might be anywhere from maybe just being a slow learner to having cerebral palsy, but they couldn't know how much damage there was until the 72hr cooling window was completed.

The first time I got to see my baby, all I can remember was how many wires and tubes he had all over him, how his little limbs and fingers were purple hued from being cold. But I still loved the way his little fingers wrapped around my one, and how much more content he seemed when my hand laid on his back.

The night before I got to hold him, my BP spiked so high and stayed that way i was given several doses of BP medication before being out on magnesium, being checked every 15 minutes, then every 30; it was the onky night I had been alone because my fiance was struggling to sleep kn the hospital couch bed; I was awake until 5am, laying in my bed wanting to cry from exhaustion, and frustration that the NICU baby camera wasnt working yet because I just wanted to see my baby so I didnt feel alone, so it would feel like he wouldnt be alone either.

I was on magnesium the first time I got to hold him, after some of the wires had been removed finally, like he was finally becoming more like a baby, like a real, tiny human.

His MRI came back soon after that, showing he did have a "brain event," by they expected him to bounce back from it.

He stayed in the NICU for 31 days; too many ups and downs to even count, but one thing became clear nesr the end, he struggled to eat by mouth. Doctors said it could be because of my T1D, as babies of diabetics are usually slow eaters or can be slow learners, it could've been because of the lack of oxygen, could be both, they dont really know. Due to this, we eventually had to make the choice of going with a gtube to bring him home, as his eating was the only problem keeping him in the NICU.

Even today, he still struggles to eat. He'll cry because hes grumpy he wants to eat sometimes, but he has no drive to eat more than half his bottles; we've been with pediatricians, dietitian, feeding therapy, surgeons.. no one has been able to help at all.

I feel guilty for it every single day. Every time he needs to eat, when we have to use his pump. I feel like i could've done better, what if I had just agreed to be induced at the hospital instead of going home? What if I had tried even harder to keep my blood sugar levels under control? What if I had just been better?

Every day I feel like I could be a better mother, that theres no way for me to ever make up for the suffering hes been through and will continue through as he gets bigger. I can only dread the future and its multitude of possibilities, that he knows its my fault in some way even though I know theres nothing I could actually change. Yet, every night when I cuddle him to bed I feel happy that I'm the only one that he'll settle for bed with. I feel the pain, suicidal thoughts, and guilt melt away for just a moment holding his small, warm body against mine. I love him with all my heart, yet I feel I can never make up for the struggles in his life and future.

i’m 21 and recently gave birth a little more than a month ago. I had no idea i was pregnant, i went to the er cause i thought i was having kidney stones and came out w a baby. i did want to originally give him up due to it being so sudden and me being so unprepared but i couldn’t imagine myself w out him. his dad is involved and is so much help w him, he knew what to do before me, he’s always taken care of his younger siblings and this is the first time for me ever caring for a baby. in the hospital everyone told us they would help out and everyone has been a huge help, we haven’t even bought anything baby related because everyone has given us stuff and they’ve even had their friends and family donate stuff to us. i just feel so exhausted and i don’t even feel like i’m financially able to take care of him, im on maternity leave and not working and i make more money than his dad so i just feel so selfish putting my baby in this situation. I genuinely do not feel or even the need to take care of him and i don’t really know my options about giving him away. I have no other outlet to express how i feel because everyone just makes me think everything is going to be okay but when it’s just me and him alone, i let him cry and scream because i’m in the other room sobbing about my life and how i wish i didn’t have him. i would just like some perspective if anyone else has been in my situation or what it’s like giving away a baby even though they are already brought home and family has bonded with them.

My wife was pretty negative today. Today our baby’s 9 days old and her PDD seems like just started.

She told me later on after we got some ice cream in her she had suicidal thoughts today. Is this a red flag I should contact the hospital? I asked her if she’s willing to get psych help she refused. I asked her if i should call 911 she said no.

I feel like it will be the ultimate betrayal if I do call 911 on her.

I’m 15 weeks postpartum, and I had an absolutely horrendous pregnancy. Coupled with permanent injuries I sustained from giving birth and developing severe PPD, I absolutely never want to do this again.

My husband is not quite on the OAD bandwagon yet, and I understand that. It’s so soon to be making permanent decisions, and I’ve also heard the “don’t make any decisions until at least 1 year postpartum” many times.

We attempted to be intimate for the first time since the baby was born, and I just burst into tears. The overwhelming fear of having to experience all of this again flooded my mind. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it, and wept bitterly wondering if this part of our relationship would ever be the same.

I have tried so many forms of birth control and had side effects to all of them. Nausea, migraines (both were two different pills), even periods that lasted a month long (nexplanon). I have yet to try an IUD but the procedure of implanting / removing sounds awful, and I’m so done with medical trauma. I’m also worried about issues with condoms tearing / breaking / being defective.

What preventative measures have yall been doing?