Salaam sisters,
I'm married and very lucky to stay home and have a really amazing marriage alhamdulillah.
The issue is my health, I have endometriosis adenomyosis and a few other conditions that are slowly reducing my life to nothing. I've had surgeries and take more medication than I ever imagined (opiates too which I really despise) - I understand how lucky I am to have treatments etc Subhanallah.
We tried for a family for a year but I miscarried in march and became very sick, I needed three surgeries and was in hospital for a long time. It was a very traumatic time for my husband and I but alhamdulillah it is done now.
We have decided maybe we should not try again for children as drs have said I'm still high risk for miscarriages and complications. And we are both happy to foster/adopt in the future inshallah.
One of my options for my next surgery is to have a total hysterectomy - I'm not taking this decision lightly and my husband will not have any comment on it (he refuses to comment on my body choices from hijab to surgery in anyway so I don't make choices based off his opinions, which I adore).
But I can't help but feel complete terror of waking up realising I will never, ever carry a child. I'm mortified this is even an option I have to consider but it is looking more likely by the month as my pain is just most days now taking morphine/tramadol, if I don't I'm being sick from the pain.
Alongside all of this, the constant guilt of being a awful, sick, useless wife is getting to me, we are only 27 and I feel as though I've ruined his life. He has never complained once, he's showered me, brushed my hair, done more for me than I could ever dream of, even though he's got a really intense job and his masters. I feel so lucky but so heartbroken all at once.
Have any sisters had a hysterectomy and been able to cope afterwards? Or dealt with guilt of health issues whilst married?
The only thing holding me together right now is my faith, alhamdulillah. But it's not easy, I'm scared.
Jazakallah Khair for any advice or help💖💐💖