I went to one of those match making events recently and there was one girl who definitely stood out, everyone was trying to talk to her as she was very very conventionally attractive. I learned though she was 1 child and is a single mom but the moderator told me that several people still ranked her. He said people on paper will say they don’t want something but then if they meet someone they’re very into organically and feel a connection they’ll be willing to forgo previous dealbreakers. I’m shocked. I’m also a little bitter because I’ve been trying for so long and because I’m below average looking no one I want will give me a chance =\

Was this matchmaker event I went to an anomaly?

Before I begin, I’d like to mention that I’ve never been in a haram relationship and I don’t have any sexual history.

About 5 years ago when I was in college, I met this guy in my class. We both connected over the fact that we were the only Muslims in that particular class and became friends. We used to hang out every week after class like getting lunch together, walking around campus, going to the park, or going to the museum etc. I only hung out with him in public places, never alone.

Very early on, he dropped hints that he was interested in me but I told him that I don’t see him that way. I wasn’t attracted to him AT ALL. Now the bad part, he would lean in to give me hugs and I would hug him back. Yes I know this is haram but I want to emphasize that I had no attraction to him and only saw him as a friend, so it was just a friendly hug nothing romantic. I know this doesn’t make it less haram.

This went on for about 5 months or so and he would always drop hints that he likes me and wants to marry me. But I was repulsed by him. Eventually when that class ended we stopped seeing eachother and stopped hanging out.

Now the big question:
Is this considered a past?
Would you reject a girl for this?
Am I considered impure because of this experience?

These questions are for zina free men only as I’d only want to marry a man who didn’t commit zina.

As salam alaikum wa rahmat-ul-lahi wa barakat-uhu my brothers and sisters, so I'm currently in University and saw this hijabi girl in one of my classes and we made eye contact, I didn't know anything about her including her name, suddenly while I was in my room her name came to my mind, I don't know how, so I started praying.. I've been praying Istikhara and started praying 5 times a day regularly which I didn't used to do before, I've also been praying Tahajjud every Night since then

I want to approach her but I don't really know how, whenever I'm close to her my heart feels really warm and i remember Allah and do dhikr, We both try to minimize our gaze as much as possible as far as I've noticed but we still make eye contact, I've also lowered my gaze completely after the encounter and no longer look at any females

I want to ask for her hand in marriage or atleast get know if she wants to get married or if her marriage has already been decided, but I'm not financially independent as of now, I want to do everything in the halal way, please advice me on what is the right thing to do in this situation

Even if I can't marry her I just want to tell her Allahuma Barak lak and Jazak Allah Khairan for bringing me closer to Allah, pls let me know what's the right thing to do in this situation as I've still not spoken to her at all

Assalamu alaikum everyone,

I genuinely need some unbiased advice because I've been made to feel like I'm being unreasonable, and at this point I'm questioning my own judgement.

I'm 3 months postpartum, we have two young children, and my son has recently been in hospital, so emotionally I've already had a lot on my plate.

A few months ago, I discovered that my husband had been messaging a non-Muslim woman who he claims is an old family friend. She's someone who regularly has pictures of herself in bikinis or revealing clothes as her WhatsApp profile picture. I know her clothing isn't necessarily relevant to his actions, but it adds to my discomfort given the Islamic boundaries we supposedly uphold in our marriage.

To clarify, she was the one who initially messaged him, but he entertained the conversation and engaged with her rather than shutting it down. At the time, I noticed messages were being deleted. I could see some of her responses but not the full conversations. When I confronted him, he defended the friendship and insisted there was nothing inappropriate happening.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, she messaged him again saying she was in the city and asking whether he wanted to meet up, adding "no stress if you cant". I initially saw that he hadn't responded, which genuinely made me happy and reassured me.

However, a few days later, I noticed the messages had been deleted again. Her subsequent messages included apologising for not telling him when she was leaving the city, telling him about her upcoming plans, mentioning she'd be back in the city again and saying she hoped he was well.

This confused and upset me because I couldn't understand why she was continuing to message him in this way, particularly apologising for not telling him when she was leaving, if there hadn't been some expectation of meeting or further communication.

I waited a few days before bringing it up because our son had been in hospital and I needed to focus on him.

When I finally confronted my husband, he insisted he had completely ignored her invitation and that her later messages were simply her double-texting without him responding. He says he can't control who messages him and that I'm being unfair for getting upset.

However, he has also admitted that he has responded to her on other occasions simply to be friendly and avoid appearing rude.

When I explained that I found it difficult to believe a woman would repeatedly suggest meeting and continue updating him about her movements if there had been no encouragement or familiarity, he told me I have "little experience in life" and don't understand how people can be.

He essentially believes she's repeatedly reaching out on her own without him encouraging it.

What hurts me is that instead of acknowledging why I might feel uncomfortable, he's become defensive and focused on the fact that I looked at his messages. He says spying is haram, that I don't trust him, and that I'm ungrateful because he does so much for our family.

I understand that looking through someone's messages is a serious issue Islamically, and I'm not claiming I was right to do that. I accept that this is something I need to reflect on as well.

But does that mean my concerns about his communication with another woman and the deleted conversations are automatically invalid?

For context, we are both practising Muslims and have always had an understanding that we don't maintain casual friendships or socialise with the opposite sex. I follow those boundaries myself, which is why this feels particularly hurtful.

I'm not accusing him of physically cheating, and I genuinely don't know whether he responded to her latest messages. But I feel uncomfortable with the previous communication, the repeated deletion of conversations and the way my concerns are being dismissed.

I'm also hurt that he seems more concerned about not appearing rude to another woman than about how this situation is affecting his wife.

I know I'm postpartum and emotionally exhausted, so I'm genuinely trying to understand whether my feelings are reasonable or whether I'm allowing my emotions to cloud my judgement.

My questions are:

1. Am I wrong for feeling that her repeated messages suggest there may have been some familiarity or encouragement, or could she genuinely be messaging him repeatedly without any response?

2. Is deleting conversations with a non-mahram woman concerning in this context, or am I reading too much into it?

3. Islamically, how should a married couple handle situations like this when they've agreed on boundaries regarding the opposite sex?

4. Am I being unreasonable for wanting my husband to acknowledge my feelings rather than making the entire issue about me checking his phone?

Please be honest, even if you think I'm in the wrong. I'm not looking for people to blindly agree with me. I genuinely want fair advice from an Islamic perspective.

I'm considering showing my husband the responses because I feel like we're going around in circles and neither of us feels understood.

JazakAllah khair.

Salam alaycoum everyone,

I am at uni doing my Master in computer sciences.

I am in Belgium btw.

Since last year, there was 2 hijabi sister with me in class. One of them we became friends after she sat next to me, she’s very social with everyone in class…. But she used to text me a lot just to ask me a random question….

Recently I asked her in an indirect way if she’s interested in marriage she told me no…. So I just for got about her and I talk less with her…

The second hijabi sister, she doesn’t talk to any men but she talk to a few girls.

One day I think in April 2026, she searched for my phone number on the group chat, and texted me, she began to ask me a lot about class and things she didn’t understand…. She stayed like this until it was exam time. And in class she began to talk a lot to me….

I got interested in her since I saw how different she treated me in class, like example she never say hello to any male classmates except to me, just a Salam alaycoum how are you ? And sometimes if possible she will sit next to me but leaving one empty place between us…. After exams we didn’t speak for maybe 3-4 months…. And I erased her number….

Until what she did to me recently, that was on 23/10 on Friday. We only see each other on Friday in computer engineering class…. I sit on the second row she sit on the first next to a hijabi sister, I hang my coat and she put hers next to mine (we are the only one who hang our coats) and she still greet me with a smile and lower her gaze after that. After we finished out class, she left slightly before me, I went to take the metro underground, and I saw her in the opposite side of the my tracks… she was with a girl, I was with 2 men talking…. I noticed she didn’t stop looking at me, and when her metro arrived, she waved to me, I waved back, and she waved again with a smile…

Edit: at night I searched for her number and I texted her the next morning: Salam alaycoum how are you ? I noticed you didn’t understand this thing in class, so I searched for a video.
And she replied on a good way and even did a heart comment to each text I sent….

Now my question: since she’s comfortable with me, and treat me differently than other men….
How can I approach her without looking awkward and ask if she’s interested in marriage so I can know her better before that and before I tell my mum about her ?

Jazakum Allahu kheiran

Assalamu alaikum everyone. I am a 25 year old woman and I am writing this because I am completely hopeless about finding a husband. I am literally hideous and my face is so bad. My family has never in my life told me I look pretty. No man has ever paid attention to me.

​During corona when everyone wore masks at university, a guy was interested in me because he only saw my eyes. But the moment I took my mask off, he completely ignored me and walked away. That is how bad my face is.

​On top of that I feel like I lost the genetic lottery. I am built like a skeleton, smallest flat chest, huge nose, small eyes, thinnest lips, ugly diamond shaped face, massive forehead, and barely any hair. My proportions are terrible, short legs, long torso, ugly hands and feet, and even my intimate areas are dark and discolored.

​I want to get married and have a family, but honestly who would ever choose someone who looks like this? In our community marriage is so heavily focused on looks and finding someone beautiful. Are there any truly ugly women here who actually found a husband and got married? How did you deal with this? I just feel like giving up.

If it was you

Like saying for example “I will only fulfil his rights if he does x and y”. Or “I will stop fulfilling his rights if he makes a mistake or doesent agree with me”. But then expect the husband to go above and beyond for her. These women sadly exist, and there’s too many to count. There’s also been a “trend” especially in Europe where Muslim women will marry reverts just so they can mold them into their ideal liberal “Muslim” husband m. The reason for that is many NEWLY reverts don’t really have as much as Islamic knowledge as other Muslims, so it’s easy to take advantage of them and manipulate them into believing what is Islam and what is not. There’s been many advocates for revert sisters but it’s sadly also happening among revert men.

Salam girlies! I wanted to make this post to hear about experiences, advice, or really just anything. Alhamdullilah i completed my studies a few months ago and have been working. I will say that about a little over a year ago i started to think more seriously about marriage and my family was actively trying to find potentials for me. This was mostly through friends or the typical whatsapp groups. However, at this point I haven’t even had a successful talking stage in which we are progressing towards an engagement. It has been a lot of rejections from the boys, me rejecting boys since they don’t meet what i am looking for, or just a few days of talking and finding we are incompatible. Alhamdullilah i have a good degree, work, come from a respectable family, wear hijab. The options my mother has been getting are not what i’m looking for, my friends don’t have anyone that could be a match, I work in a predominantly female dominated field and the apps aren’t really an option. In terms of the local masjid, my father even spoke with the sheik about if he knows any brothers and nothing has come from it.
I’m 25 turning 26 soon and I feel lost about what to do. I understand the importance of sabr and tawakkul in Allah’s plan, but at the same time this is something i worry about often. I worry that how will my naseeb find me, he obviously won’t be waiting in my fridge when I open it, so what am I to do at this point? I try not to think about it, but its consumes my thoughts each day. I always hear people say “it comes when you aren’t looking for it” but I don’t really understand this saying. Other than making myself available and open to the idea, i’m not sure how else to “not look for it”

If you're a man who's short, would you ever think about marrying a taller women and which heigh? If you came across only taller women, would you not marry at all or would you compromise?

And tall sisters, would you marry a shorter man? If you came across only shorter men, would you not marry at all or would you compromise?

​

Assalamu Alaikum everyone. 24M here. Planning to complete my nikkah by 26.

Could really use some advice on a situation I've been thinking about lately.

There's a girl I knew from school, and honestly, I had a huge liking for her back then. At one point, I genuinely imagined marrying her someday. However, due to certain circumstances, we lost touch when she moved to a different school, and eventually, we went our separate ways. Recently, after all these years, I came across her Instagram profile, and we ended up following each other. Seeing her again brought back some old feelings, and I realised that I still have a soft spot for her. From what I can see on her social media, she's quite practising and serious about her Deen, which I genuinely respect. I tried initiating a conversation with her, but the interaction felt a little cold and brief. I couldn't really tell whether she was simply being reserved, maintaining boundaries, or just wasn't interested in talking to me. I don't want to misinterpret her behaviour or assume anything about her feelings.

Now I'm genuinely confused about how to proceed. My intentions aren't to get into a casual relationship or have endless conversations without a purpose. If I were to approach her, it would be with the intention of exploring whether marriage could be a possibility, In Sha Allah. But I'm also afraid of making things awkward by suddenly telling her that I've liked her for years or that I could see myself marrying her, especially when we haven't properly reconnected yet. Would it be appropriate to send her a respectful, straightforward message expressing my intentions? Should I first try to have a normal conversation and see whether she's comfortable talking to me? Or would it be better to approach her through a family member or another appropriate channel, given that she seems quite practising? I also don't want to make her uncomfortable or cross any boundaries if she's not interested.

For those who have been in a similar situation, how would you recommend approaching this? How can I express genuine marriage intentions without coming across as too forward, and how should I interpret a somewhat cold initial response? I'd appreciate advice from both brothers and sisters, especially from an Islamic perspective. JazakAllahu Khairan.

Are there Muslim men that exist with more yin than yang energy. Some Muslim men are naturally known to be aggressive, hyper masculine this would trigger and clash with my own energy. Almost balance ♎ in energies make sense to a lot of people. I am sure Muslim women would appreciate men who can be emotionally intelligent and know what situations require a yin energy and what situations require a yang energy.

Don't ask why I am writing this because you already know statistically that relationships fail easily when there is no compatibility but people blame culture, looks, anything but themselves.

I (f23) am not a hijabi and I don’t hide this fact from potential spouses. But they always get upset when I don’t want to wear the hijab after marriage either. Which I don’t understand. I present myself as is and you have the choice to accept me or not. I don’t wear the hijab in front of them and their parents and otherwise don’t wear it so there is no lie. I was molested when I was a child and one of the things that happened was that they used religion as part of their manipulation. It’s lead to a lot of grief for me and part of that is that despite the progress I’ve made in getting closer with Allah, every time I wear the hijab I feel like I’m suffocating and start crying.

I feel anxious when they start getting possessive and demanding that I wear it. I otherwise dress modestly. But also to be frank, I do get (unwanted) attention from people at school/work and when I’m generally out and about. I think maybe they feel possessive because of that? I don’t think it’s fair to demand that I wear it still though and also why stir feelings in me and then later be upset that I don’t wear it? I get attached and then I feel miserable and pressured to wear it. Also, my other issue is why is a women’s religion always reduced to the hijab? It’s like the only thing that apparently tells how religious a girl is.

Edit: your comments just make me never want to get married honestly.

Salam everyone,

I wanted to share a bit of my journey, vent, and hopefully seek some genuine advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation.

Alhamdulillah, I am 26 years old. I was raised in a practicing, conservative family that instilled strong values in me from an early age. I grew up understanding that casual dating and haram relationships are strictly off-limits and carry serious spiritual weight—and out of deep respect and protective love for my sisters, I was always mindful of the principle that crossing boundaries can ultimately come back to your own family. Because of that mindset, Alhamdulillah, I have never engaged in any past relationships or entertained casual dating.

Truthfully, I never even had the time for distractions. My focus was always on growing into a responsible, righteous man. My father worked tirelessly to provide for our family, and to help ease his heavy burden, I started working when I was just 14 years old. I balanced work alongside my studies throughout my school years and university until I graduated.

Today, Alhamdulillah, I work as an accountant at a factory, and I also run marketing for my own business. While things have progressed and stabilized in my work life, as time has gone on, a deep sense of loneliness has started to set in. I genuinely want to fulfill half my deen and find a righteous life partner.

However, finding the right person has been much more challenging than I ever imagined, and right now I feel somewhat lost. You spend your youth striving, working hard, and guarding your chastity, but when you finally feel ready, the halal avenues feel extremely limited and traditional routes keep hitting dead ends.

To brothers who prioritized responsibility and guarded themselves early on: how did you navigate finding a compatible spouse? And for anyone who went through this stage of burnout, how did you maintain your Tawakkul and hope while taking the right means?

Any sincere advice would be deeply appreciated. Jazakum Allah Khair

I'm 28M, a uni dropout turned entrepreneur. I retired both my parents at 24 and moved to Dubai at 25. I'm also divorced, having been married for just 1.5 months when I was 25.

I'm financially comfortable but extremely ambitious, with no intention of slowing down. I hate wasting time. Life is short, and none of us knows how much we have left.

Here's where I struggle with relationships.

I've been told I'm too independent and don't really need a woman. Maybe there's some truth to that. I still want a partner to share my life with.

In my experience, women can be quite clingy, wanting a lot of my time and attention. I understand marriage requires affection and quality time, but I work from home and don't want a wife waiting around for me to finish work or constantly interrupting when I'm focused, or getting fustrated that I'm working past 5:30pm whilst she sits like a couch potato rotting her brain with TikTok and watching tv all day.

I want someone with her own ambitions, hobbies and goals. She wouldn't need to work for financial reasons. But she should have goals shes pursuing rather than centring her entire life around me. I can hire a chef and a cleaner, so I dont really need 'help around the house' either.

I'd make time for my wife, but don't want to feel forced to choose between marriage and my ambitions.

Do Muslim women like this exist? Women with their own ambitions and sense of purpose, comfortable being married to an independent, driven entrepreneur? Or am I being unrealistic about marriage?

Would appreciate hearing from married women in similar situations.

I’ve had men in their early and mid 20s approach me and express interest in getting to know me for marriage.

But then I’ll go on Facebook or look at marriage WhatsApp groups and see men who are around 29 or 30 explicitly stating that they want a woman in her early 20s, sometimes saying 25 is their absolute maximum. Why do some men seem so rigid about age online?

Are people more rigid about age when writing a marriage profile even though they might make exceptions in real life?

For men in their early or mid-20s who approach women in their late 20s for marriage, is that usually genuine interest in a potential wife?

How can you make intimacy more exciting and less boring? I would really appreciate any tips or advice!

I have recently started looking to get married and I wanted to ask what's the best way to approach this topic with men. I work full time and live in the west. I am moderately religious but not super traditional.

I'd like a set up that's 60/40 or 70/30 depending on life circumstances. I dont mind contributing as a supplementary income (where I cover my personal expenses and fun/day to day stuff for us) but I'd like my husband to be responsible for providing the basics. Especially if and when kids come along, because I know that is alot of responsibility. I also believe there is a level of care and consideration I'd feel knowing he is taking care of me even if its as simple as buying me dinner.

I'm not an extravagant person and I am financially responsible but I do like to be treated special obviously. Dinner dates, movies, an occasional gift or something. All post marriage mostly. I have also paid off my student loans, have no debt, I dont buy unnecessary things where I'd be considered a shopping addict. But I'm also not stingy. I believe some should be saved, and some should be used to live life.

I dont want to reveal all my thoughts at once because I know some people will exploit that (I've seen and heard of such cases). But id also like to express to the potential that I'm financially balanced but I'd still like him to take the lead here.

How do I do this?

So i dont know if i should be proud or feel bad.

but i randomly started a convo with a random girl i walked by, ending up with her instagram.

She was obviously not muslim, i live in the west and im 25yo. Never done it before out of nowhere.

I know deep down that we are not compatible, only good thing is that i feel brave.

Would this work on a hijabi muslim girl?

is this islamically correct?

I dont know what came over me but i dont want to get old by myself?

Aoa everyone! I hope everyone is doing well. Lately, I’ve been put in this situation. I’ve never been confused this confused by something. I found out about this very recently and ever since i don’t even know what i am feeling.

So i know this person. We’ve been talking for a couple of months. We’ve known eachother before as we are family friends. He proposed, and I wanted to get to know him before involving our families and proceeding with other things (nikkah and all.) Mind you, my intention has been of marriage ever since day one. Im not the type to do relationships or anything haram before the real commitment which is marriage. I’ve never been in one actually.

But the thing is, the person that im talking to has been in relationships before. I don’t mind that, because everyone has a past and their own struggles. If i didn’t choose to do something, that automatically doesn’t mean Im better or superior in any sort of way. We are all humans, and we tend to make mistakes. He said that it was his past, and has moved on. Which ofc I accepted and didn’t really go in any sort of details.

Here comes the thing which has been disrupting my peace lately. So recently, he asked that why haven’t I asked him about his past or relationships and if they were physical or not. I said because the past is supposed to remain in the past. Then, he opened up and said that he has been in many physical relationships before. Meaning he is not a virgin. I asked him if he has repented to God. He said he has, but it was something very consistent.

This entire situation has been driving me absolutely nuts. Committing Zina is one of the major sins. I’ve never been in a relationship, let alone being in a physical one. I didn’t say anything to him. I just asked that repentance question because if my God can forgive anyone, who am i to judge. but the thing is, was that repentance even sincere? then i asked him his relation with Allah. he goes, it’s inconsistent. Idk what to say or do about it.

I know no one is perfect, everyone has their own flaws and struggles. Neither am I judging anyone but the thing is im so confused regarding the entire thing.
My heart feels so heavy and Im not able to figure out what should i do.

As a person, he is a good man with a good heart. Has never disrespected me or made me uncomfortable in any sort of ways. We get along with eachother well. But after him telling this to me, i felt as if someone took mt heart out and crushed it completely. What should I do? It’s something I can’t discuss with anyone because I believe that we all are sinners and we shouldn’t go out there exposing sins of one another. Im a religious person, or at least i try to be. Ive always had my boundaries and everything. Please suggest me what can be done.

Female ONLY
Posting from throw away account
23 F
Cannot ask this in my family as my mother is not with me as she passed away when i was 14 and my father tried in best possible way to raise us, me and my 2 younger brothers.
Now my family fixed my marriage and i have no one to ask many questions i have in mind i am introvert and kept my life very simple as i have to manage chores of my home as well from last year i graduated and from uni to home that is my whole life
I have few questions in my mind i don’t know if that’s the right sub to ask please don’t bash or make harsh comment as i am already dealing with all planning alone
So my question is about regarding wedding night i am blank on that because i don’t have idea how to manage that situation like i am point blank on intimacy, about any thing specific for that night
Please again don’t be harsh or send negative answer i am already in distress planning alone everything tough my father is beside me but still
Any suggestion and answer will be much appreciated

Salam alaykum, I am currently a 23M , I am currently really interested in a woman but I found out that shes 2 years older than me , I find her attractive, and shes modest , dresses well , and doesn’t speak to males, which is what I’m looking for . I really want to know how much this age gap affects marriage , because in our culture it’s usually seen as a weird / bad thing , and sometimes attracts more eyes and raises more questions to relatives and close people.
-Does it affect the psychodynamic situation , where ideally the woman wants to rely on the man and look up to him.
-Does it affect the way the man would be attracted to the woman in a few years, in terms of aging and stuff like that (for example marrying a 25 yo vs marrying a 21 yo , after 5 years how much would one really find a difference )
- would it affect stuff like fertility?
- and finally for the women in the subreddit , do women generally dislike a man being younger than them, or consider it a red flag generally speaking?