Every time we have had a fight, my reaction has been the focus and the problem and the type of person I am he can say and do the worst things but even I’ll fixate on what I did to hurt him, forgetting my own hurt. I don’t know am I emotionally strong? I don’t know how I put myself last but focus on what I’ve done to hurt him.

Every time he goes for days, sends me to my mums, I’m sat panicking he’s avoidant chilling. Then he expects me to come and beg and beg and beg and beg for days, his sister even told me that he comes smiling saying “see she’s begging me” like she even said he enjoys it..

We’ve had another fight, I’m pregnant, he’s made a scene infront of the family over me being “too emotional” kicked me out 7 months pregnant, put it this way his family agree because he needs “space” every time I have give in, I have begged even when I know he’s forgiven me etc I just go along with it too.

THIS TIME, first time I just first time I don’t want to, I want him to approach me, his ego is too high I fear he won’t but I do want him to. I didn’t do anything this time, I don’t have any guilt of anything cos I chose silence this time, he reacted out of frustration of my silence I think.

Someone with that much ego and pride, will they actually go on without contacting if I don’t? He expects me to beg how do you think he will feel seeing I am not doing that?

My wife and I have been married for (almost) 10 years. We have 2 young kids and we both work. I genuinely love her so much and my kids are my whole world. Our communication and intimacy can be strained at times, but we’ve gone through counseling and I feel like we’re in a really good place right now.

So why am I feeling myself fantasizing about meeting or talking with someone new? I love my family more than anything, but I just can’t get rid of these thoughts of wanting the excitement of talking with someone new. I love my wife, I don’t want to cheat on her, I would never want to hurt her. I am already feeling so much guilt for just feeling this way, even though I haven’t done anything to act on the temptation. Why am I feeling this way?

Has anyone else felt this way? How did you make that feeling go away? Please help.

I swear the last few weeks there's been a huge uptick in posts that devolve into gender wars, sex-negative attitudes, or brigading against marriages that follow any slightly divergent script. We got married because we love our spouses right? Let's talk about what's going well today!

My spouse and I are headed to Venice for our anniversary in a few weeks. He is a great cook and loves making pastas, our second date was making caramellos by hand in my tiny kitchen. He's also a huge history nerd, and I'm so excited to experience italy with his unique enthusiasm by my side!

Edit: I love hearing about all of your loves! Thanks for making my day <3

So long story short.
Been married 6 years, got two kids together.
Last year we’ve hit a bad spot, caught my husband having an affair, he swore it was mostly emotional connection, they only ever shared a kiss (I have never believed that but anyways) November last year he broke it off and we decided to make things better, he’s made some improvements and so have I, things felt better.
That was until March/April this year I found out this woman keeps messaging him and buying different SIM cards to keep in touch, he says he doesn’t reply, which I believe but I’d rather have been told.
From then have asked him to let me know whenever she messages, he will rarely tell me, because he says it will create a problem, I get upset - mostly at the situation.
So last night I did something I shouldn’t have, but I did, I read his messages between him and his friend, in which he was telling him she’d messaged again - he didn’t tell me. So they do mention the fact he doesn’t reply to her etc,
they were making a bit joke out of it all, but what got to me was he was making jokes about fucking her. I confronted him, he apologised and said it was only a joke, he didn’t mean any of it, it is just dirty talk with his friend making light of situation and it was private. I get that it was private but still the content of it I can’t quite handle.
For someone who says they’ve changed and learned from their behaviour, would you say that’s normal? Is that normal man behaviour? Just gross, really? Or would you say that no, that is not normal and no matter how you put it you should not be making light of something like that and joke about fucking this woman.
Pic for context, he made two jokes about sex with her btw.
I just don’t know what to do, I feel quite disrespected again, but it is also my fault, I should not have looked but on the same hand, this is my husband, and this is the shit he is saying behind my back, like….. he should be doing something for this woman to stop contact instead this is what he is doing.
Very confused, please send your opinions/advice my way, I truly appreciate it.
Thank you if you’ve got this far.

a while back, my husband was working second shift while i was working first shift, so we barely got to see each other throughout the week. during that, he started leaving letters around the house for me to find.

we are now thankfully both working same schedules, but he still continues to leave letters for me.

i have kept every single one of his letters and i love to look at them on days when i’m feeling down. but these are definitely some of my favorites to look back on.

**just to clarify one of the letters where he mentions washing me, LOL, when we first started dating 3-4 years ago we started a little tradition where, whenever we shower together he soaps me up and washes me lol, it’s one of his little ways of taking care of me but it’s become a daily thing.

**don’t come for his handwriting lol, he had a surgery go wrong and it left half of his right hand disabled.

Saw someone asking for some happy marriage posts so here's mine.

I had a big surgery a few days ago and my husband has gone above and beyond to look after me despite us both catching a cold. I love this man so much he's amazing.

I'm fairly independent and don't like being unable to do anything but he's making sure I don't feel guilty or useless but still doing everything for me that I can't or shouldn't be doing. Plus so much more. Hes taken over 100% of housework, cooking and pet care happily. His cooking is delicious too.

I'm going to spoil him so much when I'm recovered. Marrying him was the best decision I've ever made.

I'm not necessarily talking about affairs or anything that could ruin a marriage. Even little things you've never admitted, perhaps because you thought they were funny or simply never found a reason to bring them up.

My wife (47) of 25 years and I (50) are a relatively modest couple by most people's standards when it comes to kink. We have tried a bunch of toys in the past but have always landed back on the wand vibrator as our tried and true. Nothing seemed to do the job better until now. This summer we tried using a penis sleeve in conjunction with the wand. I'll just say it was nothing short of incredible. She orgasmed faster, stronger and louder than ever. Now when I bring it up she acts like she could care less if we ever used it again. I have told her repeatedly that I want her to feel that good again but she dismisses the notion.

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. Our sex life has always been great, minus a sexless few years right after our 4 year old son was born where we didn’t have sex for nearly three years for multiple reasons (him being deployed frequently, postpartum depression, our child being special needs). I’m completely aware of how insane it is to go that long without sex, and I’m just forever thankful to have such an understanding and loving husband. This sexless time ended about a year ago (when I stopped taking an SSRI and hormonal birth control), and ever since then I’ve been horny as fuck. Like it can be extremely distracting. I don’t know if it’s my age (38) and the hormonal shift that comes with getting older or what but ever since, our sexual life has been thriving. I truly feel like both of our sexual appetites are bigger than they were when we were in our 20’s.

All this to say — My husband came home after being away for 3 weeks, and we had the most mind blowing sex we have ever had last night. During my first orgasm, I started BAWLING like a baby. I definitely wasn’t sad (I guess thinking back, maybe I was feeling emotional? But definitely not sad) but I have only ever cried like that before during tragedy, like during times where I feel hopelessly sad. I literally could NOT stop crying until he stopped touching me and popped up to see what the heck was going on. We were both like, what the hell is happening?

Has this ever happened to anyone else?
What was the circumstances or reasons behind that happening to you?
Was my horny body just so relieved to finally have sex that it uncontrollably cried? LOL Am I going through perimenopause?

Men help, would you talk to your buddies about lusting over women if you were happily married after you had already previosuly cheated and hurt your wife? Imagine you had already cheated on your wife on a boys trip with these guys and your wife found out. Would you still be sending instagram reels to your friends of women with lustful comments as small talk? I want to see if I'm crazy for this hurting my feelings.

My husband has disclosed that he has had cheated twice with prostitutes.
A HJ at a massage parlor and a BJ at a strip club. The strip club encounter sounds extremely personal and hurtful and super grossed out about.
He said they made out he kissed her breasts, fingered her and then paid for a BJ. It sounds to me like they had s eX... he says they didn't but idk he has also sworn he's never cheated and yet here we are.
I have asked for a separation and stated it seems beyond repair. Idk how it will ever be the same or how I'll ever look at him the same again.
I feel like the best friend and husband I had died and I'm in mourning. I would've never guessed he could do this to me. He says he started living a double life while working out of state and it has nothing to do with me and loves me and doesn't want a divorce but I just don't see how I could ever forgive this.
He came home and kissed me and our babies!!!
I feel disgusted.
Am I right to feel like this is the nail in the coffin?

During one of our recent sessions with our therapist, I told my wife that I wanted more quality time. She said that we spend a lot of quality time as it is. When I asked her such as what?

She said:

Picking up the kids from school

Doing grocery shopping

Being next to another at the end of the day

To me, that’s not quality time. That is either running errands together or just being physically next to another.

To me, it means being next to one other, but doing something together. Such as watching a show or if we are watching social media, we are both watching the same thing and laughing together. It also means going out to dinner and having good talk. Talking about us, as a couple. Not necessarily as a family unit.

I would love to hear what you guys think or classify as quality time. If possible, please also specify whether you are the wife or their husband.

Post
Here’s my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/qI88m3bHQ3

She wanted me to find the journal. I had started to suspect as much last night. My wife is very smart and also very meticulous. For her to leave out a box of her journals and in particular to have one from 4 years ago opened to a particular (and damning) entry started to strike me as very unlikely. But I didn’t really want to think about what it could mean.

After dinner (which I could barely eat) I told her I had some work to catch up on and went to my office because I just couldn’t get into the right head space. I think she knew something was awry and well now I know she knew something was wrong.

She went to bed around 11 and asked if I knew how late I was going to be working. I told her not wait up b/c I couldn’t even imagine laying in bed next to her. Around 3 I finally decided I needed some try and at least close my eyes so I went and laid on the couch. I figured if my wife found me in the morning I could just spin something about not wanting to wake her. Turned out I didn’t need to worry about that because about an hour after I laid down on the couch she came downstairs. Guess she couldn’t sleep either. I could tell that she had been crying which was concerning because she almost never cries. Seeing that made my stomach just drop. I figured I was about to witness the end of my marriage. She came and sat in one of the chairs across from the couch and I sat up. Neither of us talked for a little bit. Then I started things off & took the advice of one of the people on my post & asked if there was anything I needed to know about Adrian. She said something like ‘So you read it then?’. I knew immediately then that she had meant for me to find and read her journal. As I said in my original post this isn’t the first time she’s had me read one of her journals. I read one of her journals after we lost our first pregnancy. But that time she had asked me to do it. This time I guess she was just hoping that I would snoop.

I told her I had read some of it. Then I asked her if she still loved Adrian. She said no, but she also seemed really confused (which confused me). Then she asked me if I had read the whole thing. I told her no, that I had been reading it but when she came back the 1st time from running errands I put everything back and put the lid back on, & after she left again the box was gone. My wife, who is already quite porcelain-skinned went whiter than I have ever seen and her eyes got huge (like almost cartoonish). She asked what part I had read and I told her that I had seen the entry it was opened to and had started reading backwards from there. She then asked if I had read anything from after that date and I told her no I hadnt. She immediately started sobbing and practically hyperventilating. She just kept repeating ‘oh my god’ and ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again. When I finally got her to calm down a little she ran upstairs and grabbed the tote of journals & brought them down. She was talking a mile a minute but I was able to figure out that she had meant for me to read forward from the opened passage first, not backwards. She was adamant that I had to read the whole thing. So I did.

Reading the entries where my wife started to develop feelings for another man, as well as re-reading some of the things she had said about him was one of the toughest experiences I’ve ever been through. I was trying desperately not to look at my wife but I could tell she was crying while watching me. I finally got to the original entry I had read & then I read on. The first 3 entries right after that one didn’t really have anything remarkable in them. But then I found the entry she really wanted me to read. It was from the day after she had gotten the phone call letting her know that her mom’s cancer was back. I remembered the day. I was actually out of state on a work trip. My wife called me and was in absolute shambles. I don’t think she was even that distraught when her mom eventually passed. I remembered that I could hear the pain in her voice the moment I picked up. Before we had even gotten off the phone I was in an uber on my way to the airport and had the next flight home booked. Had to call the hotel & explain that I was leaving early. One of my coworkers (solid dude) was staying at the same hotel and was kind enough to get the stuff in my room packed up, and the hotel was gracious enough to let him and gracious enough to ship it back to me. Six hours after she called me I was coming in through the front door with flowers and takeout. I barely left her side for 24 hours. According to the entry that’s when it dawned on her how stupid she had been. She wrote about how unbelievably sad she was about her mom. And about how angry she was at herself for allowing herself to develop feelings for someone else. How guilty she felt about keeping it from me. And just how much she realized she loved me.

The next few entries i would say were harder to read than even the ones about her crush on Adrian. She talked about how riddled with guilt and grief she was. She was full on despair. At one point she even wrote that she thought it might be better if she ‘unalived’ herself so that I could find someone worthy to love. Brother let me tell you - that shit tore through me. At a certain point there was a slight change in the entries. She started talking less about her grief and anger and focused more on how much she loved me, gratitude for all of the things I do for her, and several lines about how she was determined to be a wife worthy of me. And that was pretty much the rest of it from that point forward. Any mention of Adrian in the passages was always followed by some version of describing herself as an idiot or wondering what she was thinking.

When I was done I told her that I understood now why she wanted me to finish reading it. I told her that the pieces about how much she loved me, and all of that was great to read but that I was still incredibly hurt. She just nodded and said she knew and that she was sorry for that. I asked her why she hadn’t told me when she started to develop feelings for Adrian. She said that at first she justified it to herself by saying it was just a harmless little crush and that it would die out soon enough. And then when it became deeper she didn’t want to tell me because she knew it would hurt me & she wanted to protect me - but that she added that she now knows that this was just bullshit & that it was really to protect herself. Then I started asking some tougher questions. I asked if she had ever told Adrian. She said she hadn’t but that she thought he likely knew she had a crush on him. I asked her if anything physical had ever happened between them. She was adamant that nothing ever did. That Adrian had never shown any romantic interest in her. Then I asked her, if he had shown interest in at least a physical relationship, would you have said no? She for very quiet and I could see she was really asking herself that question. She looked me in the eyes and said she didnt think she would have gone that far but she admitted that with where she was mentally then it might be impossible to say for certain. She described it as being in a fog. That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear but if she had just flat out told me that there was no way it would have happened I don’t know that I would have believed it.

I also brought up the shift in her intimacy behavior that happened around this same time. (And here let me clarify something from my original post: I didn’t really see a decrease or increase in the frequency of our sex, it was more of a shift in other forms of physical intimacy. Cuddling, kissing, groping - that sort of stuff). She explained that the reason she started being more affection on the couch in the evenings was because she knew I liked that & she was feeling guilty. I then asked if the reason she stopped being so affection then in the bedroom was because she felt guilty about ‘cheating’ on Adrian. This question seemed to really wound her. She said that wasn’t the case. She said the reason she wasn’t as affectionate was because when we laid down in bed together the reality of what she was feeling really started to hit her & she didn’t feel worthy of receiving that kind of love from me. I followed that up by asking why, if she didn’t feel that way about Adrian anymore then, did her behavior never go back. She said that at some point she realized that her pattern of behavior changed. She said that she figured if she changed her behavior back that I would find that even more suspicious. Honestly she a not wrong (like I said she’s very smart). She didn’t want me to not trust her so she just intentionally kept the same behavior patterns. And now it’s just her ‘normal’. I also asked her, if she didn’t have any more feelings for Adrian, why did she seem to get so irritated when he didn’t show at the Christmas party. She said that was because she was genuinely mad at him for standing his friend (former coworker) up after telling her that he was for sure coming. This friend is very much on the spectrum and doing something like saying you’re going to show up somewhere & not following through is especially devastating to her. My wife claims her being upset had nothing to do with any feelings for Adrian and if anything just enforced how stupid it was that she ever felt anything for him to begin with.

Finally I asked her why she decided to share all of this with me 4 years after it happened. What she told me is that she had been talking to her dad and something had come up in the conversation about something that had happened when her mom first learned that her cancer had returned. That made my wife go back into her journals to try and find whatever it was they were talking about. And it wasn’t until she started going through the journal that the memories really started to come back. She says that she likely managed to suppress & minimize them to try and protect her own mental health. But as she was reading she realized just how bad she had fucked up and what’s happened with her dad since her mom’s death has made her value our relationship more than ever. (For context her dad started dating her mom’s best friend about 6 weeks after the funeral). My wife says she finally understood that she couldn’t keep this from me any more, but she also didn’t know how to tell me - thus the journal left out.

After she’d answered basically everything I could think to ask we kind of sat there together for a little bit in silence again . This time she was the one that broke it and she asked me if I was going to leave her. This time it was my turn to take a breath and think through my answer. I told her that I was completely sure but I didn’t think so. I told her that I would need to see her phone and go through any messages between her and Adrian. I doubt id find anything even something was there (she’s meticulous remember) but it’ll at least make me feel better. I told her that I thought I could get back to trusting her again someday but it was going to take me some time. She seemed to understand and agreed w/out hesitation so that’s at least something. I also asked (yes asked) if I could read her other journals. She said yes and offered that she was actually going to request that I do so. Then she surprised me by suggesting we go to marriage counseling. My wife has historically been very against participating in therapy of any kind so I was a little taken aback but agreed right away. She insist that I pick the therapist.

Then she asked me if I still loved her. I told her that of course I still love her. Loving her is an instinct and I don’t know that I could ever not love her. But again I expressed how hurt I was to read some of those lines, and that some of them just reinforced a feeling I have at times that she has settled for me instead of choosing me. When I said that part to her it was the only time she got defensive. She said that was crazy. That she’s chosen me for almost 25 years (married for 22+). I said yeah but is that because you love me, or is it because you love that I love you & do things for you, or is it because you’ve just haven’t found a better option? She took a moment and said basically that she would love me for the rest of her life even if I never lifted another finger for her. Then she added that I always talk about my love for her like it’s inevitable, like I don’t even have choice (which is true); but that for 25 years she has woken up and chosen to love me. She said how many times have I ever had to actually try to love her instead of it just coming to me. So then which of us is actually choosing the other and which one of us is just following the easiest path. I didnt really have an answer for that.

So where does that leave us? Well so far I’ve read another most of a couple of journals and done a preliminary search of her phone. I’m also googling marriage counselors in our area. I’m still incredibly saddened by some of what I read and I’m going to be looking for an individual therapist as well to try and help me navigate some of this. I’ve also told my wife that if we are to stay together she HAS to figure out a better way to communicate. I’m not a fan of breadcrumbs.

I absolutely still love my wife and until yesterday I absolutely loved every part of my life. But I’m still reeling a little from the revelation and I don’t know that I trust even my own emotions at the moment. One minute I’m ready to pack a bag & say fuck it all, and the next I just want to go hug my wife and cuddle on the couch. My heart still aches but now it’s hard to tell if it’s from pain, from love, or both. I’m not really sure where I go from here. I’m still very lost - so I guess we’ll see. Anyway thanks to those who gave advice and support. I very much needed it (and still do).

My husband recently developed an intense “interest” of sorts in a certain demographic. I found his finsta where he followed 70+ of these women one week, and 100+ by the following week. When confronted about it, he says that he just didn’t really pay attention to them before and sorta has this new-found attraction to these people.

Call me insecure, or whatever, but this has really affected my comfort in this relationship because I now also see him ogling these women when we’re out together. And, being married 10+ years, I really don’t know if I can live with this for the rest of my life. Any advice? Should I learn to overlook it? Will it pass with time?

She withdrew about 2 months ago and after trying to figure it out for a week i asked. She works from home and she asked me if she could work from home to have more time to do chores and such. I didnt need to be convinced and i work hard enough to make up the income difference. When i asked why she had been treating me coldly and snapping at me she said she felt like she was doing all of the chores, i didnt pay her attention when we were out with friends, and that i was too silly when giving hugs and she wants good hugs.

So i started doing all of the laundry, all of the dishes. I kept that messy kitchen island clean. Ive been mopping and scrubbing baseboard and breakfast in bed. Goodmorning texts when i assume she wakes up for the day and goodnight texts when im out of town.

Ive been giving as many good long hugs as i can. The hugs have unreciprocated, my "i love yous" have been unreciprocated. It just got worse and worse. She wouldnt talk to me at all. Id get home from a 14 shift and take out the trash, clean the stove, and do dishes and i dont even get a welcome home after being gone for 4 days.

She said ive been smothering her. I signed us up for marriage counseling but i just don't get it. I didnt know we werent okay until literally 2 months or less ago. I made the changes she needed. And she told me that it was "so easy for me"

It isnt easy, im tired. My job is very hard. But it is easy because thats what she needs from me. Then it isnt. Then its the opposite. And now she wants space, she wanrs to figure out who she is. She doesnt tell me when shes going somewhere. She doesnt talk to me at all. She doesnt know what she means by finding herself and i know ive been ungrateful of her love.

But did i deserve this whiplash and this agony of being so lonely in our marriage suddenly? Ive begged her in the past to communicate with me instead of playing normal and letting shit blow up like this. And it happened again. I dont know what i dont know. Im terrified our relationship, which seemed unconditionally loving and strong until September, is crashing and burning. And everything i try to do to extinguish it seems to torch it more.

I know counseling is the next step, and theres not enough context here for anyone to make judgement on. Shed also hate me if i post this. But I'm not willing to give up on us because theres uncomfortable work to be done. I'm pissed she hasnt fought for us. Im pissed her first move was running from us rather than talking to me.

I need help, i have no experience with this. We've been married for nearly 4 years, together for nearly 10.

What the hell do i do?

44F married to 49M. Second marriage with blended family. Why would my husband say to me - before sex - that he thinks the only reason I initiate is to keep him from cheating, then, during sex, when I ask him to get on top, say, “We need to change it up,” then AFTER sex, comment, “I think you would stay.” To which I replied, “If what? If you cheated? I actually don’t think I would.” … ?

We had not been discussing cheating. We had not been discussing people staying in marriages after adulterous affairs or flings or anything. I told him it bothered me and he got angry with me.

Is he testing the waters? How do I connect the dots that got him to making the comments? It’s bizarre and I am now panicking.

[ETA: I initiate every time. Every. single. time. Even as newlyweds. He is a dismissive avoidant. I have accepted that role in our marriage. Sex is good … not boring. This entire situation was bizarre.]

I’ve known my wife since we were eight and nine years old. She lived in the town my dad lived in, and I met her on one of my weekend visits.

We were inseparable, when I was in town. From playing in the woods, to her riding on the back of my Honda 3-wheeler. I would daydream, then, about marrying her.

Fast forward a few years, her big sister gets pregnant, and due to her dad’s position in the town, and the social ineptitude of small towns, her family was forced to leave town. He was a preacher, and their house was connected to the church.

Her family ended up moving to a bigger town, that was around 20 miles from where I lived with my mom.

There was something that was trying to keep us connected, because as a teen, I would bump into her in the most random places. The first time this happened was probably 3-5 years after she moved, and I was able to get her address, so that I could write her. This was in the mid ‘90s.

She ended up getting married and pregnant at 17, while I was living out my wild teenage years. She had four children.

When we were in our early to mid 20’s, she separated from her husband, and we got together for a super short time. I was, admittedly, a fuckboy, in every sense of the term.

I ghosted her. I’m not going to try and justify it, be a there is no justification for treating someone that you think so highly of with such disrespect. This was in 2006/2007.

I had heard, through the person who introduced us all those years ago, that she hated me. Shame. Self hatred, and remorse, were the feelings I had for myself.

After I ghosted her, her and her husband got back together and tried to make it work, but their relationship was worse than it was before.

To clarify, she did not separate from him so that she and I could mess around. They had problems, and things weren’t going well.

Fast forward to the end of 2020. It was her birthday, and something inside me told me to reach out, so I messaged her, on facebook, “happy birthday”. We weren’t friends of FB or anything, that’s was just the only way I found to contact her.

I was scared of what she might say. I was scared that she wouldn’t say anything.

She responded, enthusiastically, and we spoke through messenger for a few hours throughout the work day.

According to her best friend, the marriage was headed towards divorce, and that they were just waiting until their youngest son graduated high school.

We made things official March of the next year, after she had filed for her divorce, and things moved quickly for us.

It was as if we had picked up right where we left off, with ZERO anger, or resentment, about my prior ghosting.

We’ve had our rough patches. These were due to my long line of toxic relationships, and her 20 year toxic marriage. We even split up for four months because of it, but through conversation and compromise, we worked things out, and got back together.

We were married in 2024, and it has been incredible. She’s healing from all of her past trauma, and so am I. We’re both victims of child sexual abuse, and bad parenting. Her, now adult, daughter has come out of her shell and grown into an amazing young woman. My 16 year old son, who I have sole rights to, calls her “mom”.

My wife has said that we have built a “house of healing and happiness”. Laughter, and frank, open, conversation is a mainstay in our home.

We encourage respect, humility, honesty, and accountability in our home.

Not once, in five years of living together, have I ever dreaded coming home from work. When I get home from work, the whole family comes outside to greet me, and it is the same for her.

We love hard, laugh hard, and try our best to make hard times happy times. I hope that everyone is able to experience this type of love in their lives.

I’ve obviously left things out, for brevity’s sake, so go easy before judgement is cast. This is my “screaming it from the rooftops” moment, and I had to get it out.

Thank you for reading.

Also, yes, I have grown up, and am not the same man I was when I ghosted her. I have a better outlook on life, and relationships, and respect.

TL:DR I love my wife and marriage.

Looking for advice on whether or not to stay in a loveless marriage for the kids.

My husband and I (34F) have been married for 10 years, and we have two daughters (7 and 4). There were red flags in the beginning of our marriage that should have told me I wouldn’t be happy long term, but I was already pregnant with our first so I ignored them. Now I’m miserable.

Our family life is good - our kids are happy and love their dad more than anyone. He’s a great dad and pretty supportive as a partner in the day to day stuff. I’m just not in love with him anymore and we’re basically roommates/friends at this point.

There is close to zero intimacy in our marriage. I have a high sex drive but I’m lucky if we have very unenthusiastic sex once a month, and only if I initiate. But there’s also no intimacy outside of sex either. I’m a very touchy person but he seems to only tolerate that, and doesn’t even seem to want to kiss me.

He’s also a compulsive liar, so I’ve completely lost trust in him. He’s not cheating or anything, he just lies to me about the dumbest things to avoid any conflict. This is probably the biggest issue that led to me just giving up on our marriage.

I’ve talked to him a thousand times about all of this and other issues, but nothing changes. If it weren’t for the kids I would be getting a divorce. Finances aren’t a concern. But we live in a small town close to his family, so I would be stuck and lose most of my support system. I also don’t want to lose my kids half the time or lose the “happy” family that we have when I ignore any marital issues. There is also a very low chance of me finding anyone else in our small town.

Is it selfish to want a divorce just because I’m not in love anymore? I can’t help thinking I gave up the chance to put my happiness first when I had my kids. But I also don’t want to be miserable in my marriage forever when the only thing keeping us together is the kids.

His reaction was, all about price. How expensive it is, that my insurance doesn't cover much due to yearly deductible.

I would really like to hear your honest opinions, especially from husbands.

If you had a wife you truly loved and cared about, and you knew she was struggling with low iron levels, how would you react if she told you that her doctor said she needed an iron infusion?

What would you say to her? Would you be concerned, ask questions, or offer support?

I'm asking because I'm questioning whether my feelings about my husband's response were wrong or whether I was expecting too much.

I don't want to influence anyone's answers by sharing his reaction just yet. I genuinely want to know how other husbands would respond in this situation.

Thank you for your honest answers.

I have been together with my husband for almost 13 years. During the first years we were both students. In the last 7 years I've had a consistent career. We also own an apartment, and have a 2 year old, and are planning a second kid.

My husband has struggled to stay consistently employed for the last 3 years, ever since I got pregnant with our first kid. There have been layoffs, short term contracts and one role where he didn't do very well and got fired (he still carries a lot of confidence issues from this one I think). For the last 5 months he has been unemployed, but with a severance package. This is going to run out around christmas.

He already has a bachelors degree in economics, and could work as an economist. However, he didn't do very well in the core subjects in school, and neither wants that kind of role, nor does he think he would do well in one. He also has a trades certificate, but the hours aren't good for having a family and the pay is on the lower end. Right now his unemployment benefits are better than a full time job in that field, to explain why he hasn't gone back yet. From Christmas he'll be eligible to receive unemployment benefits for the next two years, unless he goes back to school, in which case he will lose that benefit.

He now wants to go back to school next august to get a degree as a kind of social worker. He wants to do this because there is a lot of opportunities within the field, men are sought after and he has already worked within the field on short term contracts where they eventually were unable to extend his contract because he lacked the educational background required for a permanent position.

I would totally support him going back to school if it wasn't for the fact that he is required to do at least 75% course load to stay in the program, and he doesn't want to take out further student loans. He plans to work a little while studying, but also seems to expect me to pick up most of the bills for the next 4 years. This would be extremely tight, but doable. However, I'm feeling a lot of resentment over this.

I don't really want to be in a position where I'm expected to fund 80% of our lifestyle while he goes back to school for that long. Not to mention having two kids under the age of 4, and having to do most of the child care. We don't have any family to lean on where we live.

At the same time, he has applied to lots of jobs and has only gotten a few interviews. I already feel a lot of anxiety about that. Maybe sucking up and seeing this as an investment in our future would be the best solution?

I guess I'm just asking for advice on how to navigate this situation while trying to not feel all this anger and resentment towards my husband, because I really didn't think this was were our life would be right now.

My wife and I have been married for 12 years this past Sunday. She’s smart, sexy, has a wicked sense of humor, and is the best thing that’s happened to me since I was *13 and won $250 to spend at my local game store.

She’s helped me work through anger issues and difficulty with emotional expression. In her words, I’ve helped her heal the trust issues left by her ex’s infidelity.

Some shitty times. Child with medical issues, exes that won’t stay flushed, job stress, world stress (need I say more?).

Many more good times. We have so many stupid inside jokes that often a little side-eye is all it takes to start giggling.

We keep bedroom life fun and it’s generally been good, but trending towards phenomenal the last several years. We’re GGG and enjoy the intimacy and pleasures of sex. Over time we’ve found our little kinks align very well. We know how lucky this makes us and it’s something we don’t take for granted.

As we move from Parental Units towards Empty Nesters, we’ve discussed how we want the next chapters to read and decided our story needs more adventure now that we have fewer responsibilities to others. To that end, we’re making Lifestyle changes, getting healthily uncomfortable, and finding the excitement we deserve.

*I was a god among mortals that spring break - Won 3 standard tourneys. Teen me thought Land Destruction (iykyk) was peak. I might as well have been playing Denial. I apologize for the frustration caused to those that sat across from me.
Except for you Kelsey - you cheating little fuck.

Husband and I have been together for 21 years, married for 12. We have no sex life. When we first got together it was fine, but the past 8-9 years it’s been awful. I haven’t orgasmed (only by myself) in probably over 10. He can’t get all the way erect, says he doesn’t need medicine. I just get no pleasure in it at all. He’s below avg size so we’ve tried toys and swinging (wasn’t for him)…I just don’t know what else to do. There’s no spark, I need that sexual desire back in my life and I’m not getting it here. What’s the next step? Divorce? Any advice is appreciated.

Throw away account for obvious reasons.

I’ve (41 F) been married to my husband (44 M)for 15+ years. He is a good provider and great father to our 2 kids. We have sex on a regular basis. I orgasm probably 10% of the time, maybe less. We generally have traditional missionary sex.

The issue I have is he refuses to give me oral sex. I do that for him on a regular basis. With past partners I orgasm easily from receiving oral sex. My husband refuses. He says it is beneath him and “low status”. He has never done it for me. He says if I ask him again he will leave me and I believe he will do that if I bring it up.

I am desperate to have that feeling again. I am thinking about getting it from another man. My husband says toys and vibrators are equivalent to cheating and doesn’t allow them in the house.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave him and I don’t want to cheat. But it’s about time I did something. Please help.

My husband works all day which I understand Monday- Friday and I’m a sahm. I’m usually looking forward to the time he gets home so we can talk and spend time together but I’m the only one that puts the effort. He tells me he’s tired which I understand but I mean he comes home to me and my daughter and gives me nothing. Tells me he doesn’t want to be bothered and spend his time on his phone. My effort is unappreciated i just want to feel like he’s happy to see me.