Every time we have had a fight, my reaction has been the focus and the problem and the type of person I am he can say and do the worst things but even I’ll fixate on what I did to hurt him, forgetting my own hurt. I don’t know am I emotionally strong? I don’t know how I put myself last but focus on what I’ve done to hurt him.

Every time he goes for days, sends me to my mums, I’m sat panicking he’s avoidant chilling. Then he expects me to come and beg and beg and beg and beg for days, his sister even told me that he comes smiling saying “see she’s begging me” like she even said he enjoys it..

We’ve had another fight, I’m pregnant, he’s made a scene infront of the family over me being “too emotional” kicked me out 7 months pregnant, put it this way his family agree because he needs “space” every time I have give in, I have begged even when I know he’s forgiven me etc I just go along with it too.

THIS TIME, first time I just first time I don’t want to, I want him to approach me, his ego is too high I fear he won’t but I do want him to. I didn’t do anything this time, I don’t have any guilt of anything cos I chose silence this time, he reacted out of frustration of my silence I think.

Someone with that much ego and pride, will they actually go on without contacting if I don’t? He expects me to beg how do you think he will feel seeing I am not doing that?

My wife and I have been married for (almost) 10 years. We have 2 young kids and we both work. I genuinely love her so much and my kids are my whole world. Our communication and intimacy can be strained at times, but we’ve gone through counseling and I feel like we’re in a really good place right now.

So why am I feeling myself fantasizing about meeting or talking with someone new? I love my family more than anything, but I just can’t get rid of these thoughts of wanting the excitement of talking with someone new. I love my wife, I don’t want to cheat on her, I would never want to hurt her. I am already feeling so much guilt for just feeling this way, even though I haven’t done anything to act on the temptation. Why am I feeling this way?

Has anyone else felt this way? How did you make that feeling go away? Please help.

a while back, my husband was working second shift while i was working first shift, so we barely got to see each other throughout the week. during that, he started leaving letters around the house for me to find.

we are now thankfully both working same schedules, but he still continues to leave letters for me.

i have kept every single one of his letters and i love to look at them on days when i’m feeling down. but these are definitely some of my favorites to look back on.

**just to clarify one of the letters where he mentions washing me, LOL, when we first started dating 3-4 years ago we started a little tradition where, whenever we shower together he soaps me up and washes me lol, it’s one of his little ways of taking care of me but it’s become a daily thing.

**don’t come for his handwriting lol, he had a surgery go wrong and it left half of his right hand disabled.

My wife (47) of 25 years and I (50) are a relatively modest couple by most people's standards when it comes to kink. We have tried a bunch of toys in the past but have always landed back on the wand vibrator as our tried and true. Nothing seemed to do the job better until now. This summer we tried using a penis sleeve in conjunction with the wand. I'll just say it was nothing short of incredible. She orgasmed faster, stronger and louder than ever. Now when I bring it up she acts like she could care less if we ever used it again. I have told her repeatedly that I want her to feel that good again but she dismisses the notion.

My husband has disclosed that he has had cheated twice with prostitutes.
A HJ at a massage parlor and a BJ at a strip club. The strip club encounter sounds extremely personal and hurtful and super grossed out about.
He said they made out he kissed her breasts, fingered her and then paid for a BJ. It sounds to me like they had s eX... he says they didn't but idk he has also sworn he's never cheated and yet here we are.
I have asked for a separation and stated it seems beyond repair. Idk how it will ever be the same or how I'll ever look at him the same again.
I feel like the best friend and husband I had died and I'm in mourning. I would've never guessed he could do this to me. He says he started living a double life while working out of state and it has nothing to do with me and loves me and doesn't want a divorce but I just don't see how I could ever forgive this.
He came home and kissed me and our babies!!!
I feel disgusted.
Am I right to feel like this is the nail in the coffin?

Post
Here’s my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/qI88m3bHQ3

She wanted me to find the journal. I had started to suspect as much last night. My wife is very smart and also very meticulous. For her to leave out a box of her journals and in particular to have one from 4 years ago opened to a particular (and damning) entry started to strike me as very unlikely. But I didn’t really want to think about what it could mean.

After dinner (which I could barely eat) I told her I had some work to catch up on and went to my office because I just couldn’t get into the right head space. I think she knew something was awry and well now I know she knew something was wrong.

She went to bed around 11 and asked if I knew how late I was going to be working. I told her not wait up b/c I couldn’t even imagine laying in bed next to her. Around 3 I finally decided I needed some try and at least close my eyes so I went and laid on the couch. I figured if my wife found me in the morning I could just spin something about not wanting to wake her. Turned out I didn’t need to worry about that because about an hour after I laid down on the couch she came downstairs. Guess she couldn’t sleep either. I could tell that she had been crying which was concerning because she almost never cries. Seeing that made my stomach just drop. I figured I was about to witness the end of my marriage. She came and sat in one of the chairs across from the couch and I sat up. Neither of us talked for a little bit. Then I started things off & took the advice of one of the people on my post & asked if there was anything I needed to know about Adrian. She said something like ‘So you read it then?’. I knew immediately then that she had meant for me to find and read her journal. As I said in my original post this isn’t the first time she’s had me read one of her journals. I read one of her journals after we lost our first pregnancy. But that time she had asked me to do it. This time I guess she was just hoping that I would snoop.

I told her I had read some of it. Then I asked her if she still loved Adrian. She said no, but she also seemed really confused (which confused me). Then she asked me if I had read the whole thing. I told her no, that I had been reading it but when she came back the 1st time from running errands I put everything back and put the lid back on, & after she left again the box was gone. My wife, who is already quite porcelain-skinned went whiter than I have ever seen and her eyes got huge (like almost cartoonish). She asked what part I had read and I told her that I had seen the entry it was opened to and had started reading backwards from there. She then asked if I had read anything from after that date and I told her no I hadnt. She immediately started sobbing and practically hyperventilating. She just kept repeating ‘oh my god’ and ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again. When I finally got her to calm down a little she ran upstairs and grabbed the tote of journals & brought them down. She was talking a mile a minute but I was able to figure out that she had meant for me to read forward from the opened passage first, not backwards. She was adamant that I had to read the whole thing. So I did.

Reading the entries where my wife started to develop feelings for another man, as well as re-reading some of the things she had said about him was one of the toughest experiences I’ve ever been through. I was trying desperately not to look at my wife but I could tell she was crying while watching me. I finally got to the original entry I had read & then I read on. The first 3 entries right after that one didn’t really have anything remarkable in them. But then I found the entry she really wanted me to read. It was from the day after she had gotten the phone call letting her know that her mom’s cancer was back. I remembered the day. I was actually out of state on a work trip. My wife called me and was in absolute shambles. I don’t think she was even that distraught when her mom eventually passed. I remembered that I could hear the pain in her voice the moment I picked up. Before we had even gotten off the phone I was in an uber on my way to the airport and had the next flight home booked. Had to call the hotel & explain that I was leaving early. One of my coworkers (solid dude) was staying at the same hotel and was kind enough to get the stuff in my room packed up, and the hotel was gracious enough to let him and gracious enough to ship it back to me. Six hours after she called me I was coming in through the front door with flowers and takeout. I barely left her side for 24 hours. According to the entry that’s when it dawned on her how stupid she had been. She wrote about how unbelievably sad she was about her mom. And about how angry she was at herself for allowing herself to develop feelings for someone else. How guilty she felt about keeping it from me. And just how much she realized she loved me.

The next few entries i would say were harder to read than even the ones about her crush on Adrian. She talked about how riddled with guilt and grief she was. She was full on despair. At one point she even wrote that she thought it might be better if she ‘unalived’ herself so that I could find someone worthy to love. Brother let me tell you - that shit tore through me. At a certain point there was a slight change in the entries. She started talking less about her grief and anger and focused more on how much she loved me, gratitude for all of the things I do for her, and several lines about how she was determined to be a wife worthy of me. And that was pretty much the rest of it from that point forward. Any mention of Adrian in the passages was always followed by some version of describing herself as an idiot or wondering what she was thinking.

When I was done I told her that I understood now why she wanted me to finish reading it. I told her that the pieces about how much she loved me, and all of that was great to read but that I was still incredibly hurt. She just nodded and said she knew and that she was sorry for that. I asked her why she hadn’t told me when she started to develop feelings for Adrian. She said that at first she justified it to herself by saying it was just a harmless little crush and that it would die out soon enough. And then when it became deeper she didn’t want to tell me because she knew it would hurt me & she wanted to protect me - but that she added that she now knows that this was just bullshit & that it was really to protect herself. Then I started asking some tougher questions. I asked if she had ever told Adrian. She said she hadn’t but that she thought he likely knew she had a crush on him. I asked her if anything physical had ever happened between them. She was adamant that nothing ever did. That Adrian had never shown any romantic interest in her. Then I asked her, if he had shown interest in at least a physical relationship, would you have said no? She for very quiet and I could see she was really asking herself that question. She looked me in the eyes and said she didnt think she would have gone that far but she admitted that with where she was mentally then it might be impossible to say for certain. She described it as being in a fog. That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear but if she had just flat out told me that there was no way it would have happened I don’t know that I would have believed it.

I also brought up the shift in her intimacy behavior that happened around this same time. (And here let me clarify something from my original post: I didn’t really see a decrease or increase in the frequency of our sex, it was more of a shift in other forms of physical intimacy. Cuddling, kissing, groping - that sort of stuff). She explained that the reason she started being more affection on the couch in the evenings was because she knew I liked that & she was feeling guilty. I then asked if the reason she stopped being so affection then in the bedroom was because she felt guilty about ‘cheating’ on Adrian. This question seemed to really wound her. She said that wasn’t the case. She said the reason she wasn’t as affectionate was because when we laid down in bed together the reality of what she was feeling really started to hit her & she didn’t feel worthy of receiving that kind of love from me. I followed that up by asking why, if she didn’t feel that way about Adrian anymore then, did her behavior never go back. She said that at some point she realized that her pattern of behavior changed. She said that she figured if she changed her behavior back that I would find that even more suspicious. Honestly she a not wrong (like I said she’s very smart). She didn’t want me to not trust her so she just intentionally kept the same behavior patterns. And now it’s just her ‘normal’. I also asked her, if she didn’t have any more feelings for Adrian, why did she seem to get so irritated when he didn’t show at the Christmas party. She said that was because she was genuinely mad at him for standing his friend (former coworker) up after telling her that he was for sure coming. This friend is very much on the spectrum and doing something like saying you’re going to show up somewhere & not following through is especially devastating to her. My wife claims her being upset had nothing to do with any feelings for Adrian and if anything just enforced how stupid it was that she ever felt anything for him to begin with.

Finally I asked her why she decided to share all of this with me 4 years after it happened. What she told me is that she had been talking to her dad and something had come up in the conversation about something that had happened when her mom first learned that her cancer had returned. That made my wife go back into her journals to try and find whatever it was they were talking about. And it wasn’t until she started going through the journal that the memories really started to come back. She says that she likely managed to suppress & minimize them to try and protect her own mental health. But as she was reading she realized just how bad she had fucked up and what’s happened with her dad since her mom’s death has made her value our relationship more than ever. (For context her dad started dating her mom’s best friend about 6 weeks after the funeral). My wife says she finally understood that she couldn’t keep this from me any more, but she also didn’t know how to tell me - thus the journal left out.

After she’d answered basically everything I could think to ask we kind of sat there together for a little bit in silence again . This time she was the one that broke it and she asked me if I was going to leave her. This time it was my turn to take a breath and think through my answer. I told her that I was completely sure but I didn’t think so. I told her that I would need to see her phone and go through any messages between her and Adrian. I doubt id find anything even something was there (she’s meticulous remember) but it’ll at least make me feel better. I told her that I thought I could get back to trusting her again someday but it was going to take me some time. She seemed to understand and agreed w/out hesitation so that’s at least something. I also asked (yes asked) if I could read her other journals. She said yes and offered that she was actually going to request that I do so. Then she surprised me by suggesting we go to marriage counseling. My wife has historically been very against participating in therapy of any kind so I was a little taken aback but agreed right away. She insist that I pick the therapist.

Then she asked me if I still loved her. I told her that of course I still love her. Loving her is an instinct and I don’t know that I could ever not love her. But again I expressed how hurt I was to read some of those lines, and that some of them just reinforced a feeling I have at times that she has settled for me instead of choosing me. When I said that part to her it was the only time she got defensive. She said that was crazy. That she’s chosen me for almost 25 years (married for 22+). I said yeah but is that because you love me, or is it because you love that I love you & do things for you, or is it because you’ve just haven’t found a better option? She took a moment and said basically that she would love me for the rest of her life even if I never lifted another finger for her. Then she added that I always talk about my love for her like it’s inevitable, like I don’t even have choice (which is true); but that for 25 years she has woken up and chosen to love me. She said how many times have I ever had to actually try to love her instead of it just coming to me. So then which of us is actually choosing the other and which one of us is just following the easiest path. I didnt really have an answer for that.

So where does that leave us? Well so far I’ve read another most of a couple of journals and done a preliminary search of her phone. I’m also googling marriage counselors in our area. I’m still incredibly saddened by some of what I read and I’m going to be looking for an individual therapist as well to try and help me navigate some of this. I’ve also told my wife that if we are to stay together she HAS to figure out a better way to communicate. I’m not a fan of breadcrumbs.

I absolutely still love my wife and until yesterday I absolutely loved every part of my life. But I’m still reeling a little from the revelation and I don’t know that I trust even my own emotions at the moment. One minute I’m ready to pack a bag & say fuck it all, and the next I just want to go hug my wife and cuddle on the couch. My heart still aches but now it’s hard to tell if it’s from pain, from love, or both. I’m not really sure where I go from here. I’m still very lost - so I guess we’ll see. Anyway thanks to those who gave advice and support. I very much needed it (and still do).

Men help, would you talk to your buddies about lusting over women if you were happily married after you had already previosuly cheated and hurt your wife? Imagine you had already cheated on your wife on a boys trip with these guys and your wife found out. Would you still be sending instagram reels to your friends of women with lustful comments as small talk? I want to see if I'm crazy for this hurting my feelings.

During one of our recent sessions with our therapist, I told my wife that I wanted more quality time. She said that we spend a lot of quality time as it is. When I asked her such as what?

She said:

Picking up the kids from school

Doing grocery shopping

Being next to another at the end of the day

To me, that’s not quality time. That is either running errands together or just being physically next to another.

To me, it means being next to one other, but doing something together. Such as watching a show or if we are watching social media, we are both watching the same thing and laughing together. It also means going out to dinner and having good talk. Talking about us, as a couple. Not necessarily as a family unit.

I would love to hear what you guys think or classify as quality time. If possible, please also specify whether you are the wife or their husband.

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. Our sex life has always been great, minus a sexless few years right after our 4 year old son was born where we didn’t have sex for nearly three years for multiple reasons (him being deployed frequently, postpartum depression, our child being special needs). I’m completely aware of how insane it is to go that long without sex, and I’m just forever thankful to have such an understanding and loving husband. This sexless time ended about a year ago (when I stopped taking an SSRI and hormonal birth control), and ever since then I’ve been horny as fuck. Like it can be extremely distracting. I don’t know if it’s my age (38) and the hormonal shift that comes with getting older or what but ever since, our sexual life has been thriving. I truly feel like both of our sexual appetites are bigger than they were when we were in our 20’s.

All this to say — My husband came home after being away for 3 weeks, and we had the most mind blowing sex we have ever had last night. During my first orgasm, I started BAWLING like a baby. I definitely wasn’t sad (I guess thinking back, maybe I was feeling emotional? But definitely not sad) but I have only ever cried like that before during tragedy, like during times where I feel hopelessly sad. I literally could NOT stop crying until he stopped touching me and popped up to see what the heck was going on. We were both like, what the hell is happening?

Has this ever happened to anyone else?
What was the circumstances or reasons behind that happening to you?
Was my horny body just so relieved to finally have sex that it uncontrollably cried? LOL Am I going through perimenopause?

I'm not necessarily talking about affairs or anything that could ruin a marriage. Even little things you've never admitted, perhaps because you thought they were funny or simply never found a reason to bring them up.

My husband works all day which I understand Monday- Friday and I’m a sahm. I’m usually looking forward to the time he gets home so we can talk and spend time together but I’m the only one that puts the effort. He tells me he’s tired which I understand but I mean he comes home to me and my daughter and gives me nothing. Tells me he doesn’t want to be bothered and spend his time on his phone. My effort is unappreciated i just want to feel like he’s happy to see me.

Saw someone asking for some happy marriage posts so here's mine.

I had a big surgery a few days ago and my husband has gone above and beyond to look after me despite us both catching a cold. I love this man so much he's amazing.

I'm fairly independent and don't like being unable to do anything but he's making sure I don't feel guilty or useless but still doing everything for me that I can't or shouldn't be doing. Plus so much more. Hes taken over 100% of housework, cooking and pet care happily. His cooking is delicious too.

I'm going to spoil him so much when I'm recovered. Marrying him was the best decision I've ever made.

His reaction was, all about price. How expensive it is, that my insurance doesn't cover much due to yearly deductible.

I would really like to hear your honest opinions, especially from husbands.

If you had a wife you truly loved and cared about, and you knew she was struggling with low iron levels, how would you react if she told you that her doctor said she needed an iron infusion?

What would you say to her? Would you be concerned, ask questions, or offer support?

I'm asking because I'm questioning whether my feelings about my husband's response were wrong or whether I was expecting too much.

I don't want to influence anyone's answers by sharing his reaction just yet. I genuinely want to know how other husbands would respond in this situation.

Thank you for your honest answers.

Wife and I have obviously been having a rough time and this far from the first rough episode, been married 4 years and we have a 4 month old

She hit a hard episode with post partum depression and ended up on meds for anxiety and depression, part of a much larger story than I’m willing to get into, thankfully she’s safe and everything is fine)
And that in it self is great for us, I think it’s gonna bring stability, or was at least hopeful it would to other aspects of our relationship.
She told me this morning on the phone that her meds are preventing her from orgasming while masturbating (she’s out of town at her sisters for support)and because of that she has no plans on having sex with me if she can’t orgasm, and that if I want a sex life I should pursue a divorce from her and move on to other women.

She has said a lot of messed up stuff to me since we have been together, but this one takes the cake for me

I don’t want to be divorced, I want to have a beautiful family and be a regular part of my sons life.
But this, this is a bit much.
We consider each other the most attractive people we have been with, we are both 40s and fit and active.
Processing this statement has been screwing with my head, so my apologies for taking a moment to vent

I swear the last few weeks there's been a huge uptick in posts that devolve into gender wars, sex-negative attitudes, or brigading against marriages that follow any slightly divergent script. We got married because we love our spouses right? Let's talk about what's going well today!

My spouse and I are headed to Venice for our anniversary in a few weeks. He is a great cook and loves making pastas, our second date was making caramellos by hand in my tiny kitchen. He's also a huge history nerd, and I'm so excited to experience italy with his unique enthusiasm by my side!

Edit: I love hearing about all of your loves! Thanks for making my day <3

I am an identical twin. Had my son ..5 months postpartum he got really drunk went to my sisters room ( we all live together) and basically tried to get with her with intention of having sex..my twin turned him down...this was almost three years ago..our son is about to be 3...when our son was 19 months we found out we were pregnant again with baby boy number two...my twin just told me about this incident where she says nothing ever happened but wanted to tell me before she gets married in next 8 days....idk how to feel...she said she didnt tell me then because i was 5 months pp...yet here iam 5 months pp...i feel sad..hurt..i know nothing happened because she wouldnt lie to me..we werent having sex 5 months pp because i had no intrest i just wanted to care for my baby as a first time mom being scared of everything..questioning everything. I know its not my fault but like wtfffffff

But now i feel like we have nothing in common anymore. I know we wouldn’t be together today if we didn’t get together in high school. I also feel like he deserves better. I turned out to be a lame partner. I have mental health issues. Overweight. We have 3 kids. I stayed home for 9 years. Really fucked with me. Idk. Married and having children really hasn’t been all it’s cracked up to be :( i wish some days i could experience being by myself. My own room. My own bed. I’ve been painfully co dependent my whole life . Makes me sad. Married 11 years, together for 17. Anyone else experience these lows?

I genuinely do not even know where to start. We met in 2010. Her (F37) I (M43) Have 3 children, twin 14 year old and a 15 year old, girls.

We have a decent life, renting a large 5 bedroom home, have chickens in backyard, cats a dog, everything you would need to be happy.

There is just one major underlying issue.

I found out about 5 years ago she was cheating on me for 7 years. I knew of 1 man prior. A wife of one of the men found me on facebook and told me everything that she had been doing with her husband. And the group of women she was in a chat with that my wife had slept with their spouses.

I was a stay at home dad at this time, as finding a job where we were at the time was difficult, and she had already established a good position where she was.

Fast forward to now (6 years) we are still together, but I have zero feelings for her. I actually resent her entirely. And it's turning into depression at this point. We moved across country and she now is the major bread winner between us. (I actually work under her now). While she has been Faithful the past 7 years, I have full access to her phone and location, everything, by her own accord, she is cold, callous, calculated, manipulative and overall just not a pleasant woman to be around.

She has this weird thing that she thinks about telling me or our girls something, and never tells us, but will say she told us and get mad about it. It's insane how prevalent it is with her. It's borderline driving me and my girls crazy.

She claims to love me, gives me the same diatribe once a year about how she will be better, will become better. That work gets to her. Well she starts a new job that doubles her salary in 3 weeks and I could care less. She is adamant it will change our lives. But I see no future with her at all. I want a divorce but do not have the finances nor means in order to do so.

It's been years of feeling like this and I just do not know what to do anymore.

To add context:

When she gave birth to our first, who is 15 now, she was in coma for 3 months on ECMO and nearly died from H1N!. We lost everything during that time, not as if it was a great time economically due to the 2008 financial crisis and years following.

We were homeless for a bit (No drugs, no Alcohol) as I am a veteran served 6 years prior to meeting her. We lived in HUD housing for the first year or so and moved to Cincinnati in 2013. Our relationship was strong at the time. I thought for sure we would be getting married. But things really took a turn when we moved to Ohio from Oregon.

The texts started, her hiding her phone, saying she was going out with friends. This is where it is hard to explain to people who do not get what someone goes through. I was working, and got a good job quickly. It was 2 months of me working and she was at home with the girls. She ended taking a job behind my back (Same one she has today and has grown in) saying I needed to stay home with the girls because she cannot handle it and I raised my 4 siblings (I am the oldest by 6 years of 5 children) And told me to stay home while she worked. Childcare was and is still too expensive. Even if I worked during this time 90% of my paychecks would have gone to childcare. This was 2013/14. The next few years things seemed to be going well, we both started working making enough money to go on trips (twice yearly to Florida/Colorado) She claimed to only have talked to one guy and seemed to be faithful during this time. IN 2017 we got married in Colorado.

That's when everything came to a head. She began hiding her phone, was texting all the time, claiming it was her brother/dad/mother/cousin, I found she took vacation days without telling me. Her "best friend" finally came to me stating she said you are just staying there til you find a place to live (She played house with me during this time while portraying herself as single) and she told me about the trips to Missouri they took to meet a guy (That fell through) It got to the point of her neglecting her responsibilities as a mother that I had to get the state involved. We did do some counseling. And it led to a well rounded relationship in 2020. When we moved to Texas stayed there for a year and now live in Florida.

However in Sept 2020 I got a random dm from a girl in Cincy asking if I was so and so's husband.

Then came the flood of evidence, DMs, photos and messages from her to them about the cheating and consistent absolute narcissistic way she acted towards them and me. It lined up with everything I had. this woman added me to a group chat of 3 other women, who were with someone or knew about her cheating. Turns out she took the job in Texas due to these women wanting to come after her.

Since that day she has been this weird combo of I love you and will change everything and will do anything to this evil bitch (Lack of a better word) that has made up convos we have had, with me or the girls, made up scenarios that never happened (Somewhat grounded in reality) and gets angry something didn't happen. It's hard to convey what exactly it is. 6 years of staying for my girls (I did leave once in 2018 to Colorado) but came back due her wooing us back and our girls being very young at the time (5 and 6).

I know this is everywhere, just my thoughts as I type. My relationship is very very good with my girls, especially my oldest. They are my world and the ONLY reason I have stayed this long. But they are older now and want me to find someone else/be happy on my own.

My wife and I are very open.. clearly. We are also both very gassy people and the amount of times one of us will fart and both of us will laugh hysterically is some of the funnest parts of our relationship.

I don’t know how people don’t fart with front of each other because me and my wife think that shit is hilarious.

No useful info I’m here just think it’s light hearted and fun

My husband recently developed an intense “interest” of sorts in a certain demographic. I found his finsta where he followed 70+ of these women one week, and 100+ by the following week. When confronted about it, he says that he just didn’t really pay attention to them before and sorta has this new-found attraction to these people.

Call me insecure, or whatever, but this has really affected my comfort in this relationship because I now also see him ogling these women when we’re out together. And, being married 10+ years, I really don’t know if I can live with this for the rest of my life. Any advice? Should I learn to overlook it? Will it pass with time?

So long story short.
Been married 6 years, got two kids together.
Last year we’ve hit a bad spot, caught my husband having an affair, he swore it was mostly emotional connection, they only ever shared a kiss (I have never believed that but anyways) November last year he broke it off and we decided to make things better, he’s made some improvements and so have I, things felt better.
That was until March/April this year I found out this woman keeps messaging him and buying different SIM cards to keep in touch, he says he doesn’t reply, which I believe but I’d rather have been told.
From then have asked him to let me know whenever she messages, he will rarely tell me, because he says it will create a problem, I get upset - mostly at the situation.
So last night I did something I shouldn’t have, but I did, I read his messages between him and his friend, in which he was telling him she’d messaged again - he didn’t tell me. So they do mention the fact he doesn’t reply to her etc,
they were making a bit joke out of it all, but what got to me was he was making jokes about fucking her. I confronted him, he apologised and said it was only a joke, he didn’t mean any of it, it is just dirty talk with his friend making light of situation and it was private. I get that it was private but still the content of it I can’t quite handle.
For someone who says they’ve changed and learned from their behaviour, would you say that’s normal? Is that normal man behaviour? Just gross, really? Or would you say that no, that is not normal and no matter how you put it you should not be making light of something like that and joke about fucking this woman.
Pic for context, he made two jokes about sex with her btw.
I just don’t know what to do, I feel quite disrespected again, but it is also my fault, I should not have looked but on the same hand, this is my husband, and this is the shit he is saying behind my back, like….. he should be doing something for this woman to stop contact instead this is what he is doing.
Very confused, please send your opinions/advice my way, I truly appreciate it.
Thank you if you’ve got this far.