I just wanna brag about how amazing my wife makes every part of my life. We’re in our 30s now and we’ve been together since we were in high school. She is in almost every happy memory of my adult life. She’s my best friend and I am thinking about her all the time.

She gave birth to our son earlier this year and he has been the biggest source of joy for both of us. I wouldn’t have him if not for her.

She even makes my hobbies that I enjoy by myself better because whatever I’m doing I’m thinking “I married the best person ever.”

A month ago, i told my man i would sleep in guest room for a few nights. Wanted to catch up on sleep, and he was ok with it. I have been in there since, even though the bed is way smaller than him and me. It is not because we are fighting or anything. He goes to bed around 1am and no matter how quite he is he wakes me up then my alarm goes off at 5 am cause i start at 6 am and that wakes him up. He snores on top of all that.

Only things i took from our room were my pillow and my flowtoo. I cannot fall asleep without rain sound anymore. He started setting up coffee maker before he goes to bed so it is ready when i get up which is kind of sweet..

I mentioned it to my mom and she said “that’s how it starts”, and I have not told my friends at all since then. I kind of feel guilty, which is stupid because it is working. My best friend stays with us a couple times a year and always gets the guest room, so that is going to come up eventually.

Every time we have had a fight, my reaction has been the focus and the problem and the type of person I am he can say and do the worst things but even I’ll fixate on what I did to hurt him, forgetting my own hurt. I don’t know am I emotionally strong? I don’t know how I put myself last but focus on what I’ve done to hurt him.

Every time he goes for days, sends me to my mums, I’m sat panicking he’s avoidant chilling. Then he expects me to come and beg and beg and beg and beg for days, his sister even told me that he comes smiling saying “see she’s begging me” like she even said he enjoys it..

We’ve had another fight, I’m pregnant, he’s made a scene infront of the family over me being “too emotional” kicked me out 7 months pregnant, put it this way his family agree because he needs “space” every time I have give in, I have begged even when I know he’s forgiven me etc I just go along with it too.

THIS TIME, first time I just first time I don’t want to, I want him to approach me, his ego is too high I fear he won’t but I do want him to. I didn’t do anything this time, I don’t have any guilt of anything cos I chose silence this time, he reacted out of frustration of my silence I think.

Someone with that much ego and pride, will they actually go on without contacting if I don’t? He expects me to beg how do you think he will feel seeing I am not doing that?

My husband is actually looking for an escort, looking for local ones and looking their photos and reviews. He actually made an account!!! What do I do? how do I approach this. Lately he has been picking fights with me like crazy and I have this feeling he truly doesn’t want to be with me anymore. But when I ask he says he does. I’m starting to see he’s just scared to face reality and his truth. Why does insist on doing things that he knows would hurt me so bad? Its like we are 17 again. Im shattered inside. But i don’t get time to cope with it because I’m the one responsible for our children.

Just curious here. On a scale of 1-10 how happy are you in your marriage?

1 = Can’t get any worse
5 = Completely content (not happy or unhappy)
10 = Can’t get any better

Every other number is in-between.

No need to explain, just a number.

I’m a 4.

Please don’t roast me. I’m genuinely needing advice.

Been married 20 years. Sometimes it’s great and sometimes it’s so awful. We’ve done therapy, both individually and together. Currently we are both doing individual therapy.

Had a disagreement early this morning over communication. He had told me last night he would stay home and get the kids ready for school, but when my alarm went off he was already gone at the gym. He claims he was going to be home in time, like he promised, and all I needed to do was ask if I wasn’t sure. I expressed my frustration that he told me he would stay home and then changed the plan without communicating it before. Since he wasn’t home like he promised, I assumed it was on me to get the kids up. For context, he goes to the gym every morning while I stay home and get the kids up and to school and make him breakfast every morning. After he leaves for work I finally eat and move on with my day. I also work full-time from home, but spend my whole day juggling work hours and kid pick ups and drop off and making dinner and having to work late because of it. Every day I try to go to the gym but haven’t been able to recently because of everything else going on.

He was at the gym and started texted me about it. I mentioned I felt hurt and frustrated that he didn’t stay home like he said. It’s been a hard few days and I really needed that self care time. We went back and forth a little until he came home. He burst in the door, pointed at me and said “fuck you”. Then launched into a tirade of “fuck you”s and “I’m tired of your shit”. “All you do is whine and bitch about everything.” “Get out of here, I’m sick of seeing your face.” “I don’t care how you feel about it, this is your fault.” He started mocking me, using a high whiny voice “oh, poor me! I have the worst life!…” As I walked away he yelled at me “you ruined my whole fucking day! Fuck you!”

All because I was frustrated that he had left when I thought he would be staying home, and apparently it was my job to clarify things through text. He texted me after going to work and said sorry for swearing so much, but doubled down on blaming me for all of it and saying if I had just texted him to clarify none of this would happen.

He always tells me I’m too sensitive. I feel hurt by the way he spoke to me and shocked that he escalated to such a mean level over something that could have been a conversation. Is this normal? Do men always talk to their wives like this and then just say sorry later? Is this verbal abuse?

Edit to add: this kind of stuff used to happen frequently in the early years of our marriage, and after lots of therapy and efforts on both our parts it seemed to get a lot better for a couple of years. But over this last year I’ve noticed it creeping up again. So while it’s not new, it did take me by surprise because I thought we were past this type of behavior.

My wife and I have been together for over 10 years, and one of the biggest recurring arguments in our marriage involves my dad.

For context, my dad is a genuinely good person. He's been incredibly supportive of us, has helped us financially over the years, and is a fantastic grandfather to our two young kids. He's always been there for us.

However, he has a habit of making stupid, sometimes inappropriate jokes, especially when he has an audience. He's been like this my entire life. He's not intentionally cruel or malicious, but he sometimes says things without thinking about how they might affect other people. When called out, he typically brushes it off with "I'm just joking."

My wife and dad have had a weird relationship since 2017, when they both had a few drinks at a family dinner and he started lecturing her about how we needed to have children. This was before we'd even seriously discussed having kids ourselves. Turns out she was internally conflicted at them (this is whole separate issue that has been resolved since). She understandably snapped at him, and there's been underlying tension ever since.

There have been other weird incidents over the years. Last Christmas, for example, my dad was telling a story about selling real estate to people he described as "former criminals with lots of tattoos". He then gestured toward my wife, who has a lot of tattoos, and said, "Sorry, Jessie." Just a completely unnecessary comment that he apparently thought was funny. He tries to be funny when he has an audience. It's always been like this.

Most recently, we visited my parents with our two kids (almost 5 and 11 months). We've been exhausted dealing with the kids lately and asked my parents if they'd be willing to watch them while we went out to dinner.

My dad, sitting with my brother watching baseball, jokingly responded, "Yeah, I guess I'll suck it up and watch him." I know that he said this because my brother was there too, and he'd never say that if he wasn't there.

I knew immediately he was joking, but it bothered me because I've specifically told him before that I don't want him making jokes involving the kids. We ended up taking the baby with us to dinner.

My wife was really upset afterward and wanted me to address the comment with him. Here's where the real issue comes in.

For years, I defended my dad when these things happened. I'd say things like "That's just how he is" or "He didn't mean anything by it." Having grown up with him, I've become so accustomed to his personality that most of these comments barely register with me.

My mom actually calls him out regularly when he says something inappropriate, so it's not like my wife is the only person who notices.

Since having children, I've started recognizing these comments differently and have established clearer boundaries with him. But I admittedly still struggle with confronting him in the moment.

My wife feels like she's always the bad guy, that I roll over when my dad says something inappropriate, and that I don't stand up for her. She rarely confronts him herself, but she expects me to address these situations.

At the same time, I find myself getting frustrated because something I initially perceive as a relatively minor, stupid comment turns into a major argument between my wife and me. It's probably my least favorite recurring conflict in our marriage.

I've realized that I've spent years trying to avoid uncomfortable conversations with my dad, only to create much bigger conflicts with my wife. I also recognize that my wife isn't necessarily asking me to change my dad's entire personality. She wants to feel like I have her back without having to convince me every time.

But it's difficult. I love my dad, appreciate everything he's done for us, and genuinely don't believe he intends to hurt anyone. I also love my wife and don't want her to feel disrespected or unsupported.

There's always just this underlying tension whenever we're all together. I do feel that she can be a bit hard on him sometimes, like she's always just waiting for a reason to call him out on something. There was one time recently when he was describing where we lived to someone, and kept calling it a townhouse. She corrected him saying it's a duplex. He follows up with "Same thing", and she says "it's not though"...like come on, is that really needing to be corrected? I think she feels like he minimizes her sometimes.

Whenever they are interacting i get nervous. I don't want to constantly police everything my dad says, but I also don't want my wife to feel like she's alone in dealing with it.

Husband and I are both 31 (M&F). Married 11 years, have three kids.

I feel like I am losing grip on the end of the rope I’ve been hanging on to forever and not sure how much longer I’m willing to keep white knuckling it.

Someday, I’ll write a lengthy post (or get myself back in actual therapy) in hopes someone can tell me whether or not I’m insane for feeling all the things I feel. But for today, I’m trying to process last night.

Emotional connection/intimacy has been a HUGE struggle for the entirety of our marriage. We are trapped in the dynamic of him needing physical intimacy (sex) to desire emotional intimacy with me, and I need emotional intimacy/closeness to desire sex. I have done plenty of setting aside my own needs to fulfill his because I know how important it is for him, even if it’s at the detriment of my own mental health. There have been many times he’s said that if the physical intimacy part can improve, the emotional connection will follow…but it doesn’t. There have been periods where I see a genuine desire for him to try, but it lasts a week at best. I couldn’t tell you the last time my husband told me I was beautiful, doing a great job, a good mom, a good wife, or really anything positive unless it’s on the heels of an argument that he’s trying to recover from. We don’t have real conversations outside of things about our kids, his job, or people that we know. It feels very shallow. We don’t have shared interests or hobbies.

Over the summer, we went to a concert in our local park with another couple and their kids. I went to get drinks and on my way back, was stopped by someone I hadn’t seen since high school. It was the first time I had felt really seen or noticed by someone. We chatted for 10 minutes, then went on my way. Last week, as I was leaving the local coffee shop, this same person walked in and stopped me again. In 25 minutes, I had felt more seen, attractive, and interesting than I have in years. I felt noticed. I felt like someone actually WANTED to talk to me and was interested in what I had to say. We talked about books we’d been reading, current events, the weather, other small talk subjects. He told me that I was even more gorgeous than he remembered. He asked for my number, I politely declined. I felt like I glowed the rest of the day. I took a selfie and changed my Facebook picture for the first time in four years 😂 but once I settled in and reflected on the day, I felt really guilty and embarrassed for how much I enjoyed that attention from someone who wasn’t my husband, and it hurt because I feel like I realized the depth of what I am missing in my marriage. I feel awful, still do. Husband noticed because he said I had been “off” the last few days, which brought us to last night.

After the kids were in bed, he asked “if I was finally going to tell him what’s wrong.” So I did. I told him that in a brief interaction, I felt more seen, appreciated, admired, attractive, and interesting than I have in years. And then I cracked and started crying because I also said how guilty and embarrassed I felt for liking the attention and realizing how much I missed that in our marriage. After a few minutes he said “sorry you feel that way. Is that it?” I said yes. He got up and walked away and didn’t say anything else. He came to bed a few hours later.

This morning, it’s like nothing was said. No kisses or hugs. I asked what his plans were for the day. He asked me to take something to the post office for him. This is pretty standard with any kind of conversation he doesn’t seem to have emotional investment in. Meanwhile, I am still rattled with guilt, embarrassment, grief for what I’m desperately missing, and now the realization that maybe he just doesn’t care.

Married for 10 years, 3 kids (5 4 and 6 months). Me (34F), spouse (34M). Husband is all about "I'm not giving up my life for the kids, I can have my own life too". (He is a helpful dad and plays a lot with the kids when he's here)

I'm breastfeeding the baby and husband had an opportunity at 1m postpartum this summer to go to a sporting event I said ok to so I was by myself until 3am that morning. Then he went on an out of town work trip for a few nights at 1.5 months postpartum, a camping trip with friends at 4 months postpartum and then a concert at 6 months postpartum. He still feels I'm controlling and don't let him do enough. The night before the out of town concert, I had to get up with the baby for 3 straight hours so he could sleep and he went to another room so it would be uninterrupted even after I begged for help that night (I'm working while he's on paternity leave for context as well).

My question is, would you let your spouse go away that many times postpartum or if you did let them go away postpartum, how many months old was your kid? How did your spouse show you appreciation when they got home? I told him after the concert the day (he got home around 1pm) I wish he stopped for a coffee on the way home for me and he said "I just wanted to get home". He does tell me I can go away too on trips alone if I want, but I just don't want to.

29 female married to 33 year old male. We have a ten year old daughter together, live with family, and I've been with him since I was 17 and he was 21. I have a far higher sex drive than my husband. It's always been like this, since the beginning, but he used to meet it when we were younger. We've been married 5 years now, and sex is scheduled for once a week, because he could go months without it. He's given me lines about how he isn't nearly as attracted to me because I don't show skin anymore or I dress like I'm ready for chruch, but I know that's bullshit. He's admitted its become chore like to him, and after dressing in lingerie, standing naked right in front of him or next to him in bed, only to get no response or a rejection, I've all but given up. If we do have sex, usually I'm not getting off, and he's done. It's hard enough to enjoy because I don't feel very close to him. Emotionally, he's very closed off, and doesn't like dealing with anynody's emotions unless they're positive.

But I'm at the point where I'm no longer interested in trying. I've had my hand slapped so many times over the years, we do nothing but fight about it. I'm tired of fighting. I simply don't have the desire to try and make him want me anymore. No desire to initiate. Every few years he brings up the idea of hotwifing me out to another woman, but it doesn't sit right with me, and makes me feel like he just doesn't want ME. Therapy is out of the question, I begged him years ago for it and he won't do it. I get myself off instead of going to him now because I don't want to fight or feel worse about myself. I don't know what to do anymore or how to fix this. I fear in the end we won't make it, and we'll end up separating eventually due to the other issues we have; most couples have sex to fall back on, but we don't. Starting to feel like I've wasted my life.

I give up.

Post
Here’s my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/qI88m3bHQ3

She wanted me to find the journal. I had started to suspect as much last night. My wife is very smart and also very meticulous. For her to leave out a box of her journals and in particular to have one from 4 years ago opened to a particular (and damning) entry started to strike me as very unlikely. But I didn’t really want to think about what it could mean.

After dinner (which I could barely eat) I told her I had some work to catch up on and went to my office because I just couldn’t get into the right head space. I think she knew something was awry and well now I know she knew something was wrong.

She went to bed around 11 and asked if I knew how late I was going to be working. I told her not wait up b/c I couldn’t even imagine laying in bed next to her. Around 3 I finally decided I needed some try and at least close my eyes so I went and laid on the couch. I figured if my wife found me in the morning I could just spin something about not wanting to wake her. Turned out I didn’t need to worry about that because about an hour after I laid down on the couch she came downstairs. Guess she couldn’t sleep either. I could tell that she had been crying which was concerning because she almost never cries. Seeing that made my stomach just drop. I figured I was about to witness the end of my marriage. She came and sat in one of the chairs across from the couch and I sat up. Neither of us talked for a little bit. Then I started things off & took the advice of one of the people on my post & asked if there was anything I needed to know about Adrian. She said something like ‘So you read it then?’. I knew immediately then that she had meant for me to find and read her journal. As I said in my original post this isn’t the first time she’s had me read one of her journals. I read one of her journals after we lost our first pregnancy. But that time she had asked me to do it. This time I guess she was just hoping that I would snoop.

I told her I had read some of it. Then I asked her if she still loved Adrian. She said no, but she also seemed really confused (which confused me). Then she asked me if I had read the whole thing. I told her no, that I had been reading it but when she came back the 1st time from running errands I put everything back and put the lid back on, & after she left again the box was gone. My wife, who is already quite porcelain-skinned went whiter than I have ever seen and her eyes got huge (like almost cartoonish). She asked what part I had read and I told her that I had seen the entry it was opened to and had started reading backwards from there. She then asked if I had read anything from after that date and I told her no I hadnt. She immediately started sobbing and practically hyperventilating. She just kept repeating ‘oh my god’ and ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again. When I finally got her to calm down a little she ran upstairs and grabbed the tote of journals & brought them down. She was talking a mile a minute but I was able to figure out that she had meant for me to read forward from the opened passage first, not backwards. She was adamant that I had to read the whole thing. So I did.

Reading the entries where my wife started to develop feelings for another man, as well as re-reading some of the things she had said about him was one of the toughest experiences I’ve ever been through. I was trying desperately not to look at my wife but I could tell she was crying while watching me. I finally got to the original entry I had read & then I read on. The first 3 entries right after that one didn’t really have anything remarkable in them. But then I found the entry she really wanted me to read. It was from the day after she had gotten the phone call letting her know that her mom’s cancer was back. I remembered the day. I was actually out of state on a work trip. My wife called me and was in absolute shambles. I don’t think she was even that distraught when her mom eventually passed. I remembered that I could hear the pain in her voice the moment I picked up. Before we had even gotten off the phone I was in an uber on my way to the airport and had the next flight home booked. Had to call the hotel & explain that I was leaving early. One of my coworkers (solid dude) was staying at the same hotel and was kind enough to get the stuff in my room packed up, and the hotel was gracious enough to let him and gracious enough to ship it back to me. Six hours after she called me I was coming in through the front door with flowers and takeout. I barely left her side for 24 hours. According to the entry that’s when it dawned on her how stupid she had been. She wrote about how unbelievably sad she was about her mom. And about how angry she was at herself for allowing herself to develop feelings for someone else. How guilty she felt about keeping it from me. And just how much she realized she loved me.

The next few entries i would say were harder to read than even the ones about her crush on Adrian. She talked about how riddled with guilt and grief she was. She was full on despair. At one point she even wrote that she thought it might be better if she ‘unalived’ herself so that I could find someone worthy to love. Brother let me tell you - that shit tore through me. At a certain point there was a slight change in the entries. She started talking less about her grief and anger and focused more on how much she loved me, gratitude for all of the things I do for her, and several lines about how she was determined to be a wife worthy of me. And that was pretty much the rest of it from that point forward. Any mention of Adrian in the passages was always followed by some version of describing herself as an idiot or wondering what she was thinking.

When I was done I told her that I understood now why she wanted me to finish reading it. I told her that the pieces about how much she loved me, and all of that was great to read but that I was still incredibly hurt. She just nodded and said she knew and that she was sorry for that. I asked her why she hadn’t told me when she started to develop feelings for Adrian. She said that at first she justified it to herself by saying it was just a harmless little crush and that it would die out soon enough. And then when it became deeper she didn’t want to tell me because she knew it would hurt me & she wanted to protect me - but that she added that she now knows that this was just bullshit & that it was really to protect herself. Then I started asking some tougher questions. I asked if she had ever told Adrian. She said she hadn’t but that she thought he likely knew she had a crush on him. I asked her if anything physical had ever happened between them. She was adamant that nothing ever did. That Adrian had never shown any romantic interest in her. Then I asked her, if he had shown interest in at least a physical relationship, would you have said no? She for very quiet and I could see she was really asking herself that question. She looked me in the eyes and said she didnt think she would have gone that far but she admitted that with where she was mentally then it might be impossible to say for certain. She described it as being in a fog. That wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear but if she had just flat out told me that there was no way it would have happened I don’t know that I would have believed it.

I also brought up the shift in her intimacy behavior that happened around this same time. (And here let me clarify something from my original post: I didn’t really see a decrease or increase in the frequency of our sex, it was more of a shift in other forms of physical intimacy. Cuddling, kissing, groping - that sort of stuff). She explained that the reason she started being more affection on the couch in the evenings was because she knew I liked that & she was feeling guilty. I then asked if the reason she stopped being so affection then in the bedroom was because she felt guilty about ‘cheating’ on Adrian. This question seemed to really wound her. She said that wasn’t the case. She said the reason she wasn’t as affectionate was because when we laid down in bed together the reality of what she was feeling really started to hit her & she didn’t feel worthy of receiving that kind of love from me. I followed that up by asking why, if she didn’t feel that way about Adrian anymore then, did her behavior never go back. She said that at some point she realized that her pattern of behavior changed. She said that she figured if she changed her behavior back that I would find that even more suspicious. Honestly she a not wrong (like I said she’s very smart). She didn’t want me to not trust her so she just intentionally kept the same behavior patterns. And now it’s just her ‘normal’. I also asked her, if she didn’t have any more feelings for Adrian, why did she seem to get so irritated when he didn’t show at the Christmas party. She said that was because she was genuinely mad at him for standing his friend (former coworker) up after telling her that he was for sure coming. This friend is very much on the spectrum and doing something like saying you’re going to show up somewhere & not following through is especially devastating to her. My wife claims her being upset had nothing to do with any feelings for Adrian and if anything just enforced how stupid it was that she ever felt anything for him to begin with.

Finally I asked her why she decided to share all of this with me 4 years after it happened. What she told me is that she had been talking to her dad and something had come up in the conversation about something that had happened when her mom first learned that her cancer had returned. That made my wife go back into her journals to try and find whatever it was they were talking about. And it wasn’t until she started going through the journal that the memories really started to come back. She says that she likely managed to suppress & minimize them to try and protect her own mental health. But as she was reading she realized just how bad she had fucked up and what’s happened with her dad since her mom’s death has made her value our relationship more than ever. (For context her dad started dating her mom’s best friend about 6 weeks after the funeral). My wife says she finally understood that she couldn’t keep this from me any more, but she also didn’t know how to tell me - thus the journal left out.

After she’d answered basically everything I could think to ask we kind of sat there together for a little bit in silence again . This time she was the one that broke it and she asked me if I was going to leave her. This time it was my turn to take a breath and think through my answer. I told her that I was completely sure but I didn’t think so. I told her that I would need to see her phone and go through any messages between her and Adrian. I doubt id find anything even something was there (she’s meticulous remember) but it’ll at least make me feel better. I told her that I thought I could get back to trusting her again someday but it was going to take me some time. She seemed to understand and agreed w/out hesitation so that’s at least something. I also asked (yes asked) if I could read her other journals. She said yes and offered that she was actually going to request that I do so. Then she surprised me by suggesting we go to marriage counseling. My wife has historically been very against participating in therapy of any kind so I was a little taken aback but agreed right away. She insist that I pick the therapist.

Then she asked me if I still loved her. I told her that of course I still love her. Loving her is an instinct and I don’t know that I could ever not love her. But again I expressed how hurt I was to read some of those lines, and that some of them just reinforced a feeling I have at times that she has settled for me instead of choosing me. When I said that part to her it was the only time she got defensive. She said that was crazy. That she’s chosen me for almost 25 years (married for 22+). I said yeah but is that because you love me, or is it because you love that I love you & do things for you, or is it because you’ve just haven’t found a better option? She took a moment and said basically that she would love me for the rest of her life even if I never lifted another finger for her. Then she added that I always talk about my love for her like it’s inevitable, like I don’t even have choice (which is true); but that for 25 years she has woken up and chosen to love me. She said how many times have I ever had to actually try to love her instead of it just coming to me. So then which of us is actually choosing the other and which one of us is just following the easiest path. I didnt really have an answer for that.

So where does that leave us? Well so far I’ve read another most of a couple of journals and done a preliminary search of her phone. I’m also googling marriage counselors in our area. I’m still incredibly saddened by some of what I read and I’m going to be looking for an individual therapist as well to try and help me navigate some of this. I’ve also told my wife that if we are to stay together she HAS to figure out a better way to communicate. I’m not a fan of breadcrumbs.

I absolutely still love my wife and until yesterday I absolutely loved every part of my life. But I’m still reeling a little from the revelation and I don’t know that I trust even my own emotions at the moment. One minute I’m ready to pack a bag & say fuck it all, and the next I just want to go hug my wife and cuddle on the couch. My heart still aches but now it’s hard to tell if it’s from pain, from love, or both. I’m not really sure where I go from here. I’m still very lost - so I guess we’ll see. Anyway thanks to those who gave advice and support. I very much needed it (and still do).

a while back, my husband was working second shift while i was working first shift, so we barely got to see each other throughout the week. during that, he started leaving letters around the house for me to find.

we are now thankfully both working same schedules, but he still continues to leave letters for me.

i have kept every single one of his letters and i love to look at them on days when i’m feeling down. but these are definitely some of my favorites to look back on.

**just to clarify one of the letters where he mentions washing me, LOL, when we first started dating 3-4 years ago we started a little tradition where, whenever we shower together he soaps me up and washes me lol, it’s one of his little ways of taking care of me but it’s become a daily thing.

**don’t come for his handwriting lol, he had a surgery go wrong and it left half of his right hand disabled.

My wife and I have been married for four years, and we’ve been together for almost ten years in total. Before getting married, we discussed having children, and it was something we both wanted. However, now she says that she doesn’t want to have kids and that it’s her body and her choice.
I feel like I’ve sacrificed a lot and made many compromises for our relationship, and now I’m struggling to process the possibility that one of the biggest things I’ve dreamed of in life may never happen. After spending almost ten years together and building a life around our shared plans for the future, I feel lost, disappointed, and hopeless. I don’t know what to do or how to move forward, because I love her, but I also have dreams and hopes for my own future that matter to me.

Should we part our ways because it’s a deal breaker for me?

For the past little while my husband has stopped any affection unless it leads to sex or a kiss goodnight/good bye unless I go up to kiss him. (33F)

I try my best to show him attention, affection and show him I care and do things for him.
I work 60 hour weeks (in a gravel pit) and I will go home cook, clean, renovations, take the kids to afterschool activities, animals and try to spend time with him when I can even if it cuts into my little sleep or I am burnt out all without complaining.

I tell him he is handsome very often in person, over the phone, and text. When he needs to vent about something/someone I listen to him and will validate his feelings. If he has to leave for work I make help him make sure he has everything he needs, and does his laundry along with sending him with a big snack bag.

The thing that is really getting to me is that the only time is seems he is affectionate is when he wants to have sex, which we normally have almost daily (unless he is away at work).
For complement wise it is only ever “morning beautiful” or “sexy butt/lady” which is either when he is drunk or when he is in the mood.
At times he will push me off to the side if I go to give him a hug or a kiss on the cheek.

In the past I have communicated my feelings and what I need from him and he will change for a month but then it goes back to the same cycle.

There is also a lot of times where I don’t feel like I am his first priority or that I am worth defending for (there has been some issues with some of his friends in the past and he doesn’t do or say anything)

We have done counseling in the past but it never lasts longer than 2-3 sessions and he stops going.
There has also been infidelity on his end in the past.
Tomorrow would be 11 years together.

Is there any advice on what I can do better or communicate to him about everything I have been feeling so that it would encourage him to try and for it actually stick?

Is there even a point in expressing anything to him and trying to make things better?

I don’t know what to do and I do apologize if this post is confusing.
Any suggestions are greatly appreciated

Hi.

I'm looking for a vibe like love and happiness by Al Green. That proper soulful, feel good, make you feel like a boss from a movie sort of love making.

Give it to me (written)

For those who have experienced this how did you go about it and what do y'all advice me to go about this?

My partner is spineless and has no sense of responsibility towards his own family.

He gets easily brainwashed by his family members despite having a love marriage. I honestly thought that, at the very least, he was a good father. But today, when my child got hurt and started bleeding, his reaction was that it's normal for kids to get hurt at this age. There was no sympathy, no concern, no care. That really broke something in me.

He is currently making me live with my parents, and I feel like he has no interest in taking responsibility for his wife or child. All he seems to want is to live alone, scroll through his phone, and watch TV after coming back from work.

Now he is forcing me to take a job in my hometown and has made it clear that he will never call me back to live with him.

I genuinely don't understand why someone would get married out of love and have a child if they eventually want to live as though they have no family responsibilities. I never expected a perfect husband or father, but I did expect basic care, empathy, and a willingness to stand by the family he chose to build.

I'm emotionally exhausted. I feel like I'm being pushed out of his life while he gets to carry on as usual, without having to deal with the responsibilities of a wife and child.

I feel abandoned by the very person who promised to build a life with me.

My husband has disclosed that he has had cheated twice with prostitutes.
A HJ at a massage parlor and a BJ at a strip club. The strip club encounter sounds extremely personal and hurtful and super grossed out about.
He said they made out he kissed her breasts, fingered her and then paid for a BJ. It sounds to me like they had s eX... he says they didn't but idk he has also sworn he's never cheated and yet here we are.
I have asked for a separation and stated it seems beyond repair. Idk how it will ever be the same or how I'll ever look at him the same again.
I feel like the best friend and husband I had died and I'm in mourning. I would've never guessed he could do this to me. He says he started living a double life while working out of state and it has nothing to do with me and loves me and doesn't want a divorce but I just don't see how I could ever forgive this.
He came home and kissed me and our babies!!!
I feel disgusted.
Am I right to feel like this is the nail in the coffin?

My wife (47) of 25 years and I (50) are a relatively modest couple by most people's standards when it comes to kink. We have tried a bunch of toys in the past but have always landed back on the wand vibrator as our tried and true. Nothing seemed to do the job better until now. This summer we tried using a penis sleeve in conjunction with the wand. I'll just say it was nothing short of incredible. She orgasmed faster, stronger and louder than ever. Now when I bring it up she acts like she could care less if we ever used it again. I have told her repeatedly that I want her to feel that good again but she dismisses the notion.

I love my partner, but we have very different standards for keeping the house clean. I’m the kind of person who likes things tidy and put away, dishes washed the same day, floors vacuumed regularly. My partner on the other hand is more laid back and doesn’t see mess as a big deal. She’ll leave dishes overnight, laundry in piles or dust gathering on surfaces without thinking twice.

We’ve tried splitting chores, but we keep running into the same issues. I don’t want to build up resentment over housework, so we’ve started automating what we can with a robot vacuum, a window-cleaning robot, and a dishwasher.

How do you guys handle this without driving each other crazy?

Men help, would you talk to your buddies about lusting over women if you were happily married after you had already previosuly cheated and hurt your wife? Imagine you had already cheated on your wife on a boys trip with these guys and your wife found out. Would you still be sending instagram reels to your friends of women with lustful comments as small talk? I want to see if I'm crazy for this hurting my feelings.

How was the first year of marriage for you all? If difficult, did it ever get better?

My husband works all day which I understand Monday- Friday and I’m a sahm. I’m usually looking forward to the time he gets home so we can talk and spend time together but I’m the only one that puts the effort. He tells me he’s tired which I understand but I mean he comes home to me and my daughter and gives me nothing. Tells me he doesn’t want to be bothered and spend his time on his phone. My effort is unappreciated i just want to feel like he’s happy to see me.

My husband and I have been married for 17 years. Our sex life has always been great, minus a sexless few years right after our 4 year old son was born where we didn’t have sex for nearly three years for multiple reasons (him being deployed frequently, postpartum depression, our child being special needs). I’m completely aware of how insane it is to go that long without sex, and I’m just forever thankful to have such an understanding and loving husband. This sexless time ended about a year ago (when I stopped taking an SSRI and hormonal birth control), and ever since then I’ve been horny as fuck. Like it can be extremely distracting. I don’t know if it’s my age (38) and the hormonal shift that comes with getting older or what but ever since, our sexual life has been thriving. I truly feel like both of our sexual appetites are bigger than they were when we were in our 20’s.

All this to say — My husband came home after being away for 3 weeks, and we had the most mind blowing sex we have ever had last night. During my first orgasm, I started BAWLING like a baby. I definitely wasn’t sad (I guess thinking back, maybe I was feeling emotional? But definitely not sad) but I have only ever cried like that before during tragedy, like during times where I feel hopelessly sad. I literally could NOT stop crying until he stopped touching me and popped up to see what the heck was going on. We were both like, what the hell is happening?

Has this ever happened to anyone else?
What was the circumstances or reasons behind that happening to you?
Was my horny body just so relieved to finally have sex that it uncontrollably cried? LOL Am I going through perimenopause?

I don’t really know where to start. My husband and I have been together for about 14 years. I’m 35 now, and we met when I was 19 and he was 29. We were friends for about a year before getting together.

At first, I really enjoyed our conversations. He was respectful and seemed driven and responsible. He asked me to be his girlfriend several times, and I kept saying no. Eventually, he told me he wasn’t going to ask anymore, and I gave in. Looking back, I was very young, and I don’t think I ever felt fully sure about the relationship. I never really wanted to marry him, but I think I convinced myself because he was “a good guy.” Even after we married, I rarely talked about being married or posted about our relationship.

There were happy times, but throughout the relationship, I kept going back and forth between feeling happy and wanting to leave. Money was often an issue. I’ve worked most of the time, and without my income, he hasn’t really been able to afford our housing.

More than anything, I became frustrated with promises that weren’t followed through on. He’s from another country, and two things I repeatedly asked him to work toward were learning English and getting his GED. He would start classes, but it always felt like I had to push him. He would promise to follow through, and then it wouldn’t happen. It became a recurring source of arguments.

I also need to own my part. My frustration sometimes turned into emotionally abusive behavior toward him. That wasn’t okay, and I’m not writing this to pretend I was a perfect partner. I wish I had handled things differently or left instead of letting so much resentment build.

One of the most painful parts is wanting a child. We haven’t been able to conceive for the last five years. About a year ago, I added him to my work insurance, and he said he would get tested. He still hasn’t done it. Being 35 now and realizing I don’t see myself having children with him has brought up a lot of grief and anger. I feel like I kept waiting for us to move forward, and now I’m mourning the time I spent waiting.
I used to set goals and work toward them. Over time, I’ve felt less and less like that person. I work from home and have been struggling with my mental health. Lately, he’s been criticizing the house being messy and the things I’m not doing. What really pushed me toward ending things was how he puts me down for doing something I love.

I’ve gained weight, and I don’t recognize myself anymore. I don’t feel attractive to him, and I find myself fishing for compliments. I feel like I’ve lost so much of my confidence and sense of who I am.

This Monday, I sent him a message saying I want a divorce and that I’m done. For me, it’s the accumulated hurt of promises without follow-through and feeling like I have to keep pushing for a future together. I wish he had been honest about what he wanted or was willing to do.

I’ve wanted to leave so many times before, but then he would become affectionate, I would feel hopeful, and I would stay. Looking back, some of that felt manipulative to me. Now I’m angry with myself for letting this go on for so long.
He’s still living at home with me. I don’t want to kick him out because he has nowhere to go, but I also don’t want guilt to keep me stuck in this relationship.

Right now, I’m questioning everything—even whether I was truly happy or just holding on to the good moments and the hope that things would change. I feel hurt, resentful, and overwhelmed.

For anyone who has left a long relationship: how did you deal with the guilt and regret about staying so long? How did you start finding yourself again, especially while still sharing a home?