I posted in December of 2024 regarding a car accident when I was 29 weeks pregnant with our first and t-boned by another driver, resulting in 5 emergency surgeries, kept sedated for almost 2 days and woke up to a sobbing husband who had to explain we had lost our son, Maverick.

I posted again early this year, explaining how I had lost myself in the greif, basically forced my husband to grieve our son on his own while I tried to find the right balance of numbing myself while not killing myself by abusing opiates, bottling it up and hiding from the big, unpredictable, unforgiving world. I finally saw a hint of a light, got some help, got sober, got well and got pregnant again.

Of course, there is more to the story. A woman who was only charged with a traffic citation, car insurance refusing to acknowledge a life was lost, a husband who was determined to love me - despite my best efforts, a brother who went to our house and stripped it of all of his lost nephews items for our sanity before we got home, a woundvac opening so large we could see through the plastic to my insides where Maverick used to be for weeks.

Indignation, pain, rage, resentment, fear, loneliness, aggrieved, a few other choice words - all wrapped up in one accident that would change who we were, at our core, forever.

UPDATE :

Wylde, Maverick's little brother, was born both happy and healthy in a calm, unremarkable C-section in late July - 3.5 weeks early.

We are over the moon!

At the same time, we are haunted by the anxiety and PTSD that is still very real. We struggle with postpartum anxiety along with the normal stress that comes along with bringing home a baby. I believe all good parents feel a need to keep their children safe. So you buckle them up, you teach them their address and to look both ways before crossing the street.

But for me, because of the history, I just have this deep-seated need to try and keep him safe of the unknown. Yes, the world is big and scary, but it's also incredibly unpredictable - which is the scariest part. Realistically we all know there is only so much we can do. Believe me, I know that. But it doesn't take away my want or need. My worry. My anxiety.

So I go to therapy.

I meet with a psychiatrist.

I love my husband steady and relentlessly, like he did me.

And we love both of our boys to the moon and back.

Thank will of you beautiful people for being so supportive.

Please dont judge me too harshly, I’m currently sitting on my nursery rug at 2 AM feeling like a total fraud. I’m 34 weeks along and on paper I’ve done everything "right"—the crib is built, the nursery is spotless, and I spent weeks researching stroller safety. But tonight we watched a virtual newborn care class, and the nurse demonstrated how to support an infant's neck during a sponge bath.

My chest instantly tightened. It hit me like a freight train: I am thirty-one years old and I have literally never held a baby in my entire life. I don't have younger siblings, none of my close friends have kids, and I never babysat growing up. I spent eight months organizing clothes by month and tracking fruit sizes on apps, but when it comes to teh physical reality of handling a tiny, fragile human, I feel completely unqualified.

everyone keeps assuring me that "maternal instinct will just magically download," but what if it doesn't? What if they hand me this fragile child in labor and delivery and my brain just flatlines? Did anyone else go into motherhood with zero actual baby experience, or am I right to be terrified?

Obviously this is a major error. We are going in for an ultrasound and a visit with the doctor and were quoted $450 two weeks ago for self pay. Still didn’t take away the heart attack I had when I first saw it though!

I was In the process of detoxing from suboxone already when I found out I was pregnant. I have been on it for almost 10 years. I am down to cutting my 8mg strips into 8 equal pieces comfortably. So I am on 1mg per day. Has anyone ever been on a super low dose and their baby still experienced withdrawal? I am seeing that everyone is different. I get that. I have also seen most people saying baby will be monitored for 5 days regardless but I am freaking out and just want to hear other moms’ experiences with this.

Please no judgement here. I am full of shame already from the life I once lived. Like I said I’ve been on this for 10 years. I have a whole new life as a productive member of society.

My bellybutton popped today and it kinda freaked me out... I have a snug innie so it’s actually much deeper than it looks (I can make marbles completely vanish lol). Can anyone with a similar bellybutton type to mine tell me if it goes back to normal postpartum?? Or does it look permanently different?

I literally watched it happen too... My innie was still hanging on well into my third trimester. But today (at 31 weeks) I took a deep breath when I was brushing my teeth and watched in the mirror as my bellybutton turned completely inside out! Eeewww….like was so not ready for that. It’s so weird when you have a deep innie cos you've never seen what's inside. I can kinda push it back in but it very much wants to be a full outie now!

Do you get your old bellybutton back? 

(I know this sounds so silly but I really hadn’t thought about it until it popped today. I have done nothing all day but stare in horror at my new outie)

In 2015, I dated a man who was friends with a woman who had lost her 3 month old infant to SIDS a few months prior to meeting her.
My ex and I had a messy breakup in 2016, and his friend group, including this woman, were a contributing factor. They weren’t nice to me, but somehow I eventually ended up on okay terms with this woman.
At present this woman and I haven’t spoken in 5 years, and our only connection is being Facebook friends. I’m not friends with anyone from that group apart from fb friends. In 2020, I reached out to her after I had a miscarriage because she was involved in the loss community, and she was supportive and gave resources. We spoke once a year later, but nothing since. I looked at her sm last night and she still posts about her late baby regularly.
Flash forward to now: I’m married, 35 weeks pregnant, and super excited. My husband and I found a name we both like that flows great with our middle and last names, which has been hard for us. Last night, I realized it is the exact same name as her baby who passed away, though we would be using it for a child of the opposite gender.
I now have mixed feelings. I still love the name, my life has no interaction with theirs, and it’s a relatively common name (I had a high school classmate with the same name and have a former colleague with a child with the same name), so definitely not a name I only learned through her.
I can’t tell if I’m overthinking this or if it would be weird/insensitive to use given the history. I’d love to hear outside perspectives!

Hey yall. Second time mom here and just got back from my ultrasound appointment. I’m 37 and considered high risk so I have monthly ultrasounds. Today I’m 24 weeks pregnant. Unfortunately at the anatomy scan they weren’t able to get everything so today they wanted to check some of the things they couldn’t get last time.

Well they found something. My little girl has a cleft palate and lip. They said everything else looks good but I’m just so worried about what the future will hold.

My husband’s mother and half sister both also had cleft palates and lips so we’re pretty sure it’s a genetic thing.

I’ve so far not gotten any genetic testing.

I just would like some information about what others have gone through in similar situations. How is your baby? Just want to know about other experiences with this. Right now I’m just so overwhelmed and scared for the what the future will hold for my baby girl. Thank you.

Im currently 26 weeks pregnant with my first. I feel like a big baby because I know other people have worse pregnancies (hyperemesis) but i have just been so miserable the entire time lol. Ive been thinking that the newborn stage has to be better than this. I know Ill be tired, emotional, recovering from delivery but Ill be off work (I work full time) and Ill have my sweet little baby that Ive waited years to have and I just think to myself that, that has to be better than being pregnant.

Basically, i really do not enjoy being pregnant. My first trimester I found out so early 3w5d because I was already symptomatic with nausea which made this whole process seem so long. I was extremely nauseaous entire first trimester with food aversions (sadly no cravings), but thankfully I wasnt vomiting. The fatigue was out of this world. Ive never been tired like that before.

I was looking forward to the reprieve in second trimester but I still had nausea that actually got worse, started vomiting occasionally, and I lost weight. Nausea didnt fully resolve probably until 20 weeks. The energy that people talk about coming back is also not here lol. Yes, its better than first trimester but I do a few chores around the house and Im wiped out. Recently these last few weeks, ive been having terrible sleep. I wake up at least 3-5 times per night needing to go to the bathroom or like last night my back has been killing me and the pregnancy pillow is not helping (potentially making it worse?). Ive also been having upper abdominal pain (not lower like round ligament) since 10 weeks that is every day and can get severe. I associated it with muscle stretching as the only relief I get is if I lay flat. We just had our US and everything was fine but based on babys positioning Im actually thinking the baby has been pushing their feet into my ribs and abs which is causing all the pain.

Im just so uncomfortable every day, in pain, cant sleep, and I just think to myself, the newborn stage has to be better than this right?

I tried adding my address to Babylist only to discover DC is an invalid option as a State. I’m not due till spring 2027 but how has this problem not been solved already? I know DC doesn’t have statehood but it is the capital of the US and plenty of families live in DC. I’ve contacted costumer services so we shall see what the work around is.

Hi all, I am about 13 weeks now, pregnant with my second. I have a corporate event early January, I will be about 6 months. I do not want to disclose my pregnancy until I'm about 7.5 months. I work in a toxic culture where I am pretty sure they will RIF me or box me up in a boring job if they hear I am pregnant.

With my first one, I did not show until probably 7 months. At 6 months I looked liked I had a whole pizza for lunch and was digesting 😁 I heard that with the second one you start showing earlier, I am indeed getting a little bit thicker around the belly.

Are there any clothing tips/suggestions to help hide pregnancy? Thank you all in advance!

Why is CMV (cytomegalovirus) prevention not talked about during routine OB visits? I’m a STM mom and apparently was not suppose to be sharing food and utensils with my toddler to decrease risk. I have been doing so and only accidentally found out about CMV recently and low key furious that I’m halfway through pregnancy and just found out about this.

Everyone tells me not to scoop cat poop, when toxoplasmosis is wayyy less common than CMV??!

I’m newly pregnant with my first baby (4weeks)❤️ and my doctors office says they don’t see pregnant patients until til 8-10 weeks is that normal? I’m just full of happiness and anxiety and stress that everything is going well so far and that seems like a long time to wait.

Thanks in advance :))

Basically title. I’m so upset and scared and there’s not even a baby in me yet. Did anyone go through the same procedure and end up with everything being fine when they actually got pregnant and had their baby?

Hi all,

I'd like to preface that I do feel a level of embarrassment around not knowing if this is normal as I am a therapist but I don't work in perinatal health and I'm about to be a first time mom who hasn't been around many pregnant people.

I'm 35w3d and the third trimester has felt incredibly hard but comes in swings. This last week or so I just feel a deep sense of withdrawal from everyone and everything (not in a harmful way, just to clarify). I'm ignoring texts from people, I am crying a lot, I feel slightly depressed. I don’t want to work for the next 2.5 weeks. I do have a history of mental health struggles so that’s not necessarily new, but this withdrawal feels like the opposite of what should be happening. I don’t feel like I’m nesting, I’m avoiding doing certain tasks because they just feel too overwhelming. I weirdly don’t want to talk to people while also feeling hurt that no one has asked me how I’m doing or noticed the withdrawal (I recognize that there are issues within that sentence so cognitively I get that but emotionally it feels complicated). It feels like people won’t understand or will have the “it’ll get better” response and I just don’t have the energy to either be honest or pretend I’m okay so I won’t respond.

So yeah. I guess I’m hoping there will be some validating responses that I’m not alone and doing this whole pregnancy thing wrong haha 

I am in active therapy myself with a great therapist so I do have that support. But I figured I’d turn towards this subreddit to be with a more specific group for feedback. Thanks for any thoughts you may have :)

I’m 39 weeks and just had an OB appointment but they won’t be seeing me again until 41 weeks? She’s out of town and I’m just confused why they’re going 2 weeks until I see them again. Is this normal? Is this a big deal? I’m not high risk for reference.

I know my doctor said 12-16 weeks I can start feeling flutters. Can someone confirm or deny my feelings? It was very strange and didn’t feel like gas stuck or anything like that. I’m very in tune with my body and I can feel a things internally a lot even before pregnancy.

The feeling I’m feeling is almost like tickles or maybe even twitches feeling right above my pubic bone more towards the right side but it’s like so random. It started at about 13 weeks. I was waking up my hubby saying this feels weird and I’ve never felt this before. It only happened a couple times. Now that I’m 14 weeks I feel like it’s happening a little more frequent and I can only feel it when I’m relaxed in bed. It only happens for a a few minutes not consistent but random surges within those few minutes. Then goes away for a while and then it’ll happen again. Please explain to me if I’m feeling my baby. I’m really hopeful that I am.

FTM - 35+2, starting to get reallll! I am a typical over-packer for trips and I really do not want to do that with the hospital bags.

It will be cold where I am when I give birth if that matters for packing.

What all should I pack for myself and baby? Not pack? Absolute must haves?

I am not breastfeeding due to previous cancer 2 years ago. So I won’t need a pump or anything related to BF.

A little annoyed today I went in for my 37+4 apt (STM) hoping for a VBAC.

I could have sworn something was happening with the cramping, constant BH, feeling nauseous, loose stool, severe pelvic pain for her to do a cervical check and tell me I’m still pretty posterior, medium and not very dialed maybe a small finger - she did a sweep and some of my mucas plus came out but MY GOD I thought I was for sure doing some dilating etc.

Anyone else been in this position and when did labour happen? I know I’m still early.

I wanted to raise awareness for this company benefit because we didn’t know about the full coverage. My husband’s company has a benefit called Carrot that is mainly advertised as a fertility benefit, but it also covers doulas. We used Carrot to hire a postpartum night doula and it has been an absolute lifesaver. She is so knowledgeable and helped us learn how to take care of the baby and we have been getting a glorious 6 hours of sleep.

If your company offers Carrot I highly recommend looking into what it covers!

I’m currently 4 weeks pregnant. My period comes like clockwork, and when it didn’t arrive yesterday, I took a test.

I feel grateful and happy, but also nervous, anxious, and honestly a little shocked. I just got married last month, we recently bought a home, and I have a 4 year old daughter from my previous marriage. Soooo many big life changes in such a short time.

We wanted this baby, but I assumed it would take several cycles given our ages.

My daughter is my whole world, my little best friend. How could I possibly love another child as much as I love her? I worry about her feeling left out and how our relationship will change especially since my husband is her stepdad. It's been so fun just the 3 of us.

Then there are practical worries like finances, the cost of another child, and starting over with a newborn. Even things like eating well and keeping up with exercise suddenly feel like a lot...Thankfully I have big items that I saved from my daughter like a swing, crib, infant seat (not expired).

I hope this doesn’t sound like I’m complaining. This is a wanted pregnancy...it just feels very different now that it’s real. I’m happy, scared, grateful, and overwhelmed all at once.

Did anyone else feel this way after a planned positive test, especially with their second? Also I hope they'll be bffs even with a 5 yr age gap.

hi! I’m a little confused and could use a bit of help. I recently did the NIPT testing with Natera and finally got the results posted but they are only listed under “horizon”. I’m not opening it right away but from what I am seeing online that won’t tell me the gender?

of course carrier risks are important to me as well but I was under the impression that it would contain this info as well because my provider asked if I wanted to know the gender when giving me the script. there are no other active tests on my account. am I confused and misunderstanding or did I get the wrong test?

I have suffered from terrible heartburn this whole pregnancy. This past Sunday it got so bad nothing helped, not even my prescription medicine for it.
Fast forward to Monday, I barely slept bc of the heartburn and I also woke up with a sore throat. So to try to help that I went and got a medicine ball tea. Bad idea. The lemonade in the tea made my heartburn worse and I threw up. So I go home and I throw up again and can hardly sleep because it burns so bad and sleeping sitting straight up is not comfortable.
Then I have a breakdown because Google said that I could have preeclampsia and to take this seriously. I’m also crying bc I feel bad taking meds at all while pregnant but I have no choice due to the leg cramps and body aches I’m getting.
Took my last pto day today, the Pepcid finally worked so I slept like all day but now my burps are coming back and I’m scared I’m going to throw up again.
I also have a terrible cough, body chills on and off and aches.

Sorry just need to vent because I feel miserable with no way out of this it feels like.

Hey all! I just tested positive this past Friday and I’m 4w5d and my first appointment isn’t until next Friday. I feel like I’m in this weird void where I know that I’m pregnant but it hasn’t actually sunk in yet because nothing has changed.
Apart from my boobs hurting (the reason I even tested) I have no symptoms. Obviously I’m not showing yet. And I don’t know if I’ll be getting an ultrasound next week because it’ll still be early, so I won’t be able to see to believe. I can’t even really talk about it with people because it’s so early. I just feel weird.

We have family that are quite spread out, and one particular person (MIL) is quite upset that we are saying no visitors in the hospital and for 7-10 days after the birth. I have other health issues going on, and I want the days after the birth to be as peaceful and quiet as possible as I recover and we figure out what we are doing. That’s also not to mention keeping the baby safe from people that have been travelling.

There are some complicated dynamics that compounds this a bit more, and I just don’t want to deal with managing other people’s emotions, unwanted comments, boundary issues etc.

The only exception will be my mom, who will come help with the baby when we are ready (probably around day 4).

I’m just not sure what is the norm these days. Did you have people visit in hospital, and when did you start accepting visitors? I don’t want to be unreasonable, but I also feel like I’m opening a bigger can of worms by prioritizing what I want in that timeframe. All input welcome!

i was supposed to be induced yesterday, but my water broke at work last week. baby bub decided he was ready, but then did not want to come out when it was time. i was pushing for 2 hours and exhausted. his head did not want to pass my pubic bone. i’m a HCW and have attended births, so i knew vacuum was something they did. i asked if this was an option. they told me they usually only use it when baby is in distress, thankfully he wasn’t but they could tell i was tired. 30 mins later he was out ! my cousin said she never knew that was an option. his head was def coned and he had a hematoma, but i think i saved myself from a section. now his little head is perfect.