Any advice would be great. I want biological kids with my husband, but I am terrified of the health risks and loss of control that comes with being pregnant. I would love to hear from women who know about all the horrible ways pregnancy can go wrong and still decided to go through with it.

I am also angry with how unfair pregnancy is. We contribute to the household and our relationship pretty equally, but there is no getting around the inequality of it- I have to carry the baby, and he doesn't.

I told my husband to read more about pregnancy so he understands it's not 'just a thing women do'. I'm trying to prevent any resentment down the line.

For context, we are in our early thirties, have graduate degrees, and work full-time in our fields.

Editing to add: thank you so much already for all of the feedback😭 it means so much. I don't really have any moms or women in my life right now who I feel I can lean on with this. I don't know that I'll get to respond to everyone here.

I have a therapist I've been seeing regularly for six years, and she thinks we would be amazing parents. I know I am a kind, thoughtful, patient, goofy, and curious person and could put so much love into my kid(s).

As the oldest daughter of immigrant parents, I have felt a lot of responsibility for the well-being of my family, and by extension, the people in my life, at the expense of my own emotions and self-discovery. There's definitely some unresolved anger there that I'm learning to be okay with feeling and expressing thoughtfully.

For the past year or so, I've been actively practicing taking up space, doing what I want in my free time, and not feeling responsible for someone else's well-being. I know I would love sharing the world with someone so new to it, I just need time to shift my mindset from feeling like caring for another person is a burden to it being something I could enjoy.

Editing again for slight grammar changes

Editing to clarify my last sentence

i was supposed to be induced yesterday, but my water broke at work last week. baby bub decided he was ready, but then did not want to come out when it was time. i was pushing for 2 hours and exhausted. his head did not want to pass my pubic bone. i’m a HCW and have attended births, so i knew vacuum was something they did. i asked if this was an option. they told me they usually only use it when baby is in distress, thankfully he wasn’t but they could tell i was tired. 30 mins later he was out ! my cousin said she never knew that was an option. his head was def coned and he had a hematoma, but i think i saved myself from a section. now his little head is perfect.

In 2015, I dated a man who was friends with a woman who had lost her 3 month old infant to SIDS a few months prior to meeting her.
My ex and I had a messy breakup in 2016, and his friend group, including this woman, were a contributing factor. They weren’t nice to me, but somehow I eventually ended up on okay terms with this woman.
At present this woman and I haven’t spoken in 5 years, and our only connection is being Facebook friends. I’m not friends with anyone from that group apart from fb friends. In 2020, I reached out to her after I had a miscarriage because she was involved in the loss community, and she was supportive and gave resources. We spoke once a year later, but nothing since. I looked at her sm last night and she still posts about her late baby regularly.
Flash forward to now: I’m married, 35 weeks pregnant, and super excited. My husband and I found a name we both like that flows great with our middle and last names, which has been hard for us. Last night, I realized it is the exact same name as her baby who passed away, though we would be using it for a child of the opposite gender.
I now have mixed feelings. I still love the name, my life has no interaction with theirs, and it’s a relatively common name (I had a high school classmate with the same name and have a former colleague with a child with the same name), so definitely not a name I only learned through her.
I can’t tell if I’m overthinking this or if it would be weird/insensitive to use given the history. I’d love to hear outside perspectives!

Hi all, I am about 13 weeks now, pregnant with my second. I have a corporate event early January, I will be about 6 months. I do not want to disclose my pregnancy until I'm about 7.5 months. I work in a toxic culture where I am pretty sure they will RIF me or box me up in a boring job if they hear I am pregnant.

With my first one, I did not show until probably 7 months. At 6 months I looked liked I had a whole pizza for lunch and was digesting 😁 I heard that with the second one you start showing earlier, I am indeed getting a little bit thicker around the belly.

Are there any clothing tips/suggestions to help hide pregnancy? Thank you all in advance!

Hey all! I just tested positive this past Friday and I’m 4w5d and my first appointment isn’t until next Friday. I feel like I’m in this weird void where I know that I’m pregnant but it hasn’t actually sunk in yet because nothing has changed.
Apart from my boobs hurting (the reason I even tested) I have no symptoms. Obviously I’m not showing yet. And I don’t know if I’ll be getting an ultrasound next week because it’ll still be early, so I won’t be able to see to believe. I can’t even really talk about it with people because it’s so early. I just feel weird.

I’m currently 7 weeks pregnant, but I was pregnant twice before this year. In the winter, I had a MMC at 9 weeks. The D&C discovered it was a partial molar pregnancy. It took almost two months for my HCG to return to normal levels and I had weekly blood draws. A couple months later, I had another loss at 6 weeks.

Now I’m 7 weeks again, and I can’t even feel happiness. I’m nauseous all day and can barely keep food down. I’ve been sick since I was only 4 weeks along. I’m taking a Bonjesta at night and 8mg of Zofran in the morning. My doctor says there’s nothing else they can do. How am I supposed to survive this? I’m on the couch all day and I have a toddler to take care of. I can’t tell anymore what’s depression and what’s pregnancy fatigue. And at the end of the day, I keep wondering if this will even be worth it. What if it’s another loss? Why did I do this to myself and my family again?

Why is CMV (cytomegalovirus) prevention not talked about during routine OB visits? I’m a STM mom and apparently was not suppose to be sharing food and utensils with my toddler to decrease risk. I have been doing so and only accidentally found out about CMV recently and low key furious that I’m halfway through pregnancy and just found out about this.

Everyone tells me not to scoop cat poop, when toxoplasmosis is wayyy less common than CMV??!

Obviously this is a major error. We are going in for an ultrasound and a visit with the doctor and were quoted $450 two weeks ago for self pay. Still didn’t take away the heart attack I had when I first saw it though!

We’re interested in getting a bassinet stroller being that we’re avid walkers. The Uppababy seems to be the Rolls Royce of these kinds of strollers, but is it that much better than some generic brand on Amazon (https://a.co/d/05dRVncj or https://a.co/d/0cEwbdAr)?

Any insight would be great!

I was In the process of detoxing from suboxone already when I found out I was pregnant. I have been on it for almost 10 years. I am down to cutting my 8mg strips into 8 equal pieces comfortably. So I am on 1mg per day. Has anyone ever been on a super low dose and their baby still experienced withdrawal? I am seeing that everyone is different. I get that. I have also seen most people saying baby will be monitored for 5 days regardless but I am freaking out and just want to hear other moms’ experiences with this.

Please no judgement here. I am full of shame already from the life I once lived. Like I said I’ve been on this for 10 years. I have a whole new life as a productive member of society.

I tried adding my address to Babylist only to discover DC is an invalid option as a State. I’m not due till spring 2027 but how has this problem not been solved already? I know DC doesn’t have statehood but it is the capital of the US and plenty of families live in DC. I’ve contacted costumer services so we shall see what the work around is.

so i’m 8 weeks pregnant and had my first prenatal appointment to have an ultrasound and bloodwork. turns out during my ultrasound “something was wrong“ i was told i had an “abnormal pregnancy“ and the tech told me it wouldn't develop. i go back into a room and go over questions and then my mid wife comes. mid wife comes and explains that she thinks it’s molar. did my blood work and have to be back later this week and then schedule a dnc if it is molar. this is my first pregnancy and i’m 23 years old… is this normal? i’m so heartbroken and shocked. my hubby is completely devastated too. i called my pastor and let them know. i have no idea if it’s complete or partial. tbh in my heart im praying they are wrong and im about to have all my levels back normal and blood work normal and redo my ultrasound and have it as a normal one…. is this just me??

I have low iron and wanted to try taking beef organs instead. However now I’m reading about too much retinal vitamin A and am starting to panic if I overdid it on that. Please help.

I’m newly pregnant with my first baby (4weeks)❤️ and my doctors office says they don’t see pregnant patients until til 8-10 weeks is that normal? I’m just full of happiness and anxiety and stress that everything is going well so far and that seems like a long time to wait.

Thanks in advance :))

I’d like to preface that I get that its natural and people shouldnt feel embarrassed and I’m really happy for people that can do that but I find that I’m just not that kind of person and generally more conservative… in fact, the whole birthing process actually scares me.

I’m 32 weeks today and I’ve started to prepare for when it actually happens. I’ve been reading about how the general birth experience is for others and I would just like advice on the following

- Breastfeeding in hospital: How to keep myself a bit more covered? I heard nurses and midwives cant care less if you’re exposed and feeding and would just go in your room anytime. That feels a bit too much for me. I’ve seen people recommend bringing robes but logically if you need to feed then your chest is exposed right? Are nursing covers more practical or should I opt for nursing tops with flaps?

- Clothes during labor: I understand people usually wear hospital gowns, some do it completely without, or some strip it off during the process. Can you wear a bra/nursing bra under the gown? What did you end up wearing when you delivered your baby?

- Clothes during contractions: When preparing for the actual birth I usually see people wear just the hospital gown. I assume during this time you have normal underwear inside? Or are we already wearing disposables?

We have family that are quite spread out, and one particular person (MIL) is quite upset that we are saying no visitors in the hospital and for 7-10 days after the birth. I have other health issues going on, and I want the days after the birth to be as peaceful and quiet as possible as I recover and we figure out what we are doing. That’s also not to mention keeping the baby safe from people that have been travelling.

There are some complicated dynamics that compounds this a bit more, and I just don’t want to deal with managing other people’s emotions, unwanted comments, boundary issues etc.

The only exception will be my mom, who will come help with the baby when we are ready (probably around day 4).

I’m just not sure what is the norm these days. Did you have people visit in hospital, and when did you start accepting visitors? I don’t want to be unreasonable, but I also feel like I’m opening a bigger can of worms by prioritizing what I want in that timeframe. All input welcome!

My bellybutton popped today and it kinda freaked me out... I have a snug innie so it’s actually much deeper than it looks (I can make marbles completely vanish lol). Can anyone with a similar bellybutton type to mine tell me if it goes back to normal postpartum?? Or does it look permanently different?

I literally watched it happen too... My innie was still hanging on well into my third trimester. But today (at 31 weeks) I took a deep breath when I was brushing my teeth and watched in the mirror as my bellybutton turned completely inside out! Eeewww….like was so not ready for that. It’s so weird when you have a deep innie cos you've never seen what's inside. I can kinda push it back in but it very much wants to be a full outie now!

Do you get your old bellybutton back? 

(I know this sounds so silly but I really hadn’t thought about it until it popped today. I have done nothing all day but stare in horror at my new outie)

We had put two infant car seats (compatible with a stroller/travel system that we wanted/ended up getting at the shower) on our registry and two convertible car seats (when baby upgrades sizes) for both of our cars for bigger items as we had a lot of higher ticket items already for baby (crib, monitors, bouncers) so we felt it was appropriate to add all of these as we have a lot of people who would love to buy bigger practical gifts. All 4 car seats were actually one of the first things purchased from my registry well over a month before the shower… or so I thought. There were 3 people who went in and bought the 2 infant car seats but they actually only got 1. So since they marked both as purchased no one else was able to buy the second car seat. This mainly upsets me due to the fact I know someone else would have gotten the other car seat (some people even mentioned to my mom all the “expensive” gifts were taken a few weeks ago when they went to purchase something). Now we have to either buy the second on our own or use one of the convertible seats for infant but it is not compatible with the travel system/stroller we got. I’m sure it wasn’t on purpose they marked both as purchased but their mistake just cost us $200+.

Has anyone else had this happen for a gift you asked for multiple of? User error or Babylist website glitch? Not sure exactly how it happened as I believe once you purchase one it will specify that “1 of 2 needed” afterwards?? We had no issues with 2 separate people getting the other car seats.

Basically title. I’m so upset and scared and there’s not even a baby in me yet. Did anyone go through the same procedure and end up with everything being fine when they actually got pregnant and had their baby?

I posted in December of 2024 regarding a car accident when I was 29 weeks pregnant with our first and t-boned by another driver, resulting in 5 emergency surgeries, kept sedated for almost 2 days and woke up to a sobbing husband who had to explain we had lost our son, Maverick.

I posted again early this year, explaining how I had lost myself in the greif, basically forced my husband to grieve our son on his own while I tried to find the right balance of numbing myself while not killing myself by abusing opiates, bottling it up and hiding from the big, unpredictable, unforgiving world. I finally saw a hint of a light, got some help, got sober, got well and got pregnant again.

Of course, there is more to the story. A woman who was only charged with a traffic citation, car insurance refusing to acknowledge a life was lost, a husband who was determined to love me - despite my best efforts, a brother who went to our house and stripped it of all of his lost nephews items for our sanity before we got home, a woundvac opening so large we could see through the plastic to my insides where Maverick used to be for weeks.

Indignation, pain, rage, resentment, fear, loneliness, aggrieved, a few other choice words - all wrapped up in one accident that would change who we were, at our core, forever.

UPDATE :

Wylde, Maverick's little brother, was born both happy and healthy in a calm, unremarkable C-section in late July - 3.5 weeks early.

We are over the moon!

At the same time, we are haunted by the anxiety and PTSD that is still very real. We struggle with postpartum anxiety along with the normal stress that comes along with bringing home a baby. I believe all good parents feel a need to keep their children safe. So you buckle them up, you teach them their address and to look both ways before crossing the street.

But for me, because of the history, I just have this deep-seated need to try and keep him safe of the unknown. Yes, the world is big and scary, but it's also incredibly unpredictable - which is the scariest part. Realistically we all know there is only so much we can do. Believe me, I know that. But it doesn't take away my want or need. My worry. My anxiety.

So I go to therapy.

I meet with a psychiatrist.

I love my husband steady and relentlessly, like he did me.

And we love both of our boys to the moon and back.

Thank will of you beautiful people for being so supportive.

Im currently 26 weeks pregnant with my first. I feel like a big baby because I know other people have worse pregnancies (hyperemesis) but i have just been so miserable the entire time lol. Ive been thinking that the newborn stage has to be better than this. I know Ill be tired, emotional, recovering from delivery but Ill be off work (I work full time) and Ill have my sweet little baby that Ive waited years to have and I just think to myself that, that has to be better than being pregnant.

Basically, i really do not enjoy being pregnant. My first trimester I found out so early 3w5d because I was already symptomatic with nausea which made this whole process seem so long. I was extremely nauseaous entire first trimester with food aversions (sadly no cravings), but thankfully I wasnt vomiting. The fatigue was out of this world. Ive never been tired like that before.

I was looking forward to the reprieve in second trimester but I still had nausea that actually got worse, started vomiting occasionally, and I lost weight. Nausea didnt fully resolve probably until 20 weeks. The energy that people talk about coming back is also not here lol. Yes, its better than first trimester but I do a few chores around the house and Im wiped out. Recently these last few weeks, ive been having terrible sleep. I wake up at least 3-5 times per night needing to go to the bathroom or like last night my back has been killing me and the pregnancy pillow is not helping (potentially making it worse?). Ive also been having upper abdominal pain (not lower like round ligament) since 10 weeks that is every day and can get severe. I associated it with muscle stretching as the only relief I get is if I lay flat. We just had our US and everything was fine but based on babys positioning Im actually thinking the baby has been pushing their feet into my ribs and abs which is causing all the pain.

Im just so uncomfortable every day, in pain, cant sleep, and I just think to myself, the newborn stage has to be better than this right?

Hey yall. Second time mom here and just got back from my ultrasound appointment. I’m 37 and considered high risk so I have monthly ultrasounds. Today I’m 24 weeks pregnant. Unfortunately at the anatomy scan they weren’t able to get everything so today they wanted to check some of the things they couldn’t get last time.

Well they found something. My little girl has a cleft palate and lip. They said everything else looks good but I’m just so worried about what the future will hold.

My husband’s mother and half sister both also had cleft palates and lips so we’re pretty sure it’s a genetic thing.

I’ve so far not gotten any genetic testing.

I just would like some information about what others have gone through in similar situations. How is your baby? Just want to know about other experiences with this. Right now I’m just so overwhelmed and scared for the what the future will hold for my baby girl. Thank you.

Please dont judge me too harshly, I’m currently sitting on my nursery rug at 2 AM feeling like a total fraud. I’m 34 weeks along and on paper I’ve done everything "right"—the crib is built, the nursery is spotless, and I spent weeks researching stroller safety. But tonight we watched a virtual newborn care class, and the nurse demonstrated how to support an infant's neck during a sponge bath.

My chest instantly tightened. It hit me like a freight train: I am thirty-one years old and I have literally never held a baby in my entire life. I don't have younger siblings, none of my close friends have kids, and I never babysat growing up. I spent eight months organizing clothes by month and tracking fruit sizes on apps, but when it comes to teh physical reality of handling a tiny, fragile human, I feel completely unqualified.

everyone keeps assuring me that "maternal instinct will just magically download," but what if it doesn't? What if they hand me this fragile child in labor and delivery and my brain just flatlines? Did anyone else go into motherhood with zero actual baby experience, or am I right to be terrified?

Hi all,

I'd like to preface that I do feel a level of embarrassment around not knowing if this is normal as I am a therapist but I don't work in perinatal health and I'm about to be a first time mom who hasn't been around many pregnant people.

I'm 35w3d and the third trimester has felt incredibly hard but comes in swings. This last week or so I just feel a deep sense of withdrawal from everyone and everything (not in a harmful way, just to clarify). I'm ignoring texts from people, I am crying a lot, I feel slightly depressed. I don’t want to work for the next 2.5 weeks. I do have a history of mental health struggles so that’s not necessarily new, but this withdrawal feels like the opposite of what should be happening. I don’t feel like I’m nesting, I’m avoiding doing certain tasks because they just feel too overwhelming. I weirdly don’t want to talk to people while also feeling hurt that no one has asked me how I’m doing or noticed the withdrawal (I recognize that there are issues within that sentence so cognitively I get that but emotionally it feels complicated). It feels like people won’t understand or will have the “it’ll get better” response and I just don’t have the energy to either be honest or pretend I’m okay so I won’t respond.

So yeah. I guess I’m hoping there will be some validating responses that I’m not alone and doing this whole pregnancy thing wrong haha 

I am in active therapy myself with a great therapist so I do have that support. But I figured I’d turn towards this subreddit to be with a more specific group for feedback. Thanks for any thoughts you may have :)