Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Bprn51XMkL

So, It's been a while since my original post and I'd like to update you all on what happened since.

Marsh and I no longer speak. While we were hanging out in secret behind Rio's back, things escalated again. We were cuddling one day when Rio had gone home for the weekend and I confessed that I still had feelings for him, he said he didn't knw how to feel about that. I asked what he'd do if I kissed him, and he said he didn't know. I ask if he'd be mad, and he said no. So, I leaned in and so did he, and we started to make out. We spent the night together, making out and stuff while he was on the phone with Rio at one point. The following morning he said we could never do that again, and I agreed, but you all know how that went. We started texting and hanging out more, going on secret date and what not, and he started calling me his second boyfriend as a joke.

One afternoon, Rio knocks on my door, Marsh's iPad in hand, open to a screenshot of our messages. He asked me to tell him everything because he knows Marsh is lying to him. I didn't know what to do, so I told him it was a joke between Marsh and I as best friends. He accepted it, but broke up with Marsh. I spoke to Marsh later that day and he said that he was gonna cut me off because he wanted to fix things with Rio. And, at that point, I knew I couldn't let that happen if i wanted to be with him, so, that night, i messaged Rio and told him almost everything, I with held the sex that happened on that weekend, and Rio told me that he was done with Marsh. He also told me that he doesn't balme me, but he never liked me, he finds my hyperverbality and eccentric personality annoying, and hates that i get along with basically everyone, saying that it means I'm a bad person, which I guess is true to him. I agreed that we shouldn't be friends.

After this, situation, Marsh said he no longer wanted to talk to me, because he was scared of growing feelings for me. He has a stable life plan with Rio and I'm too spontaneous for him to ever risk falling for. It hurt, but I understood. I reaffirmed that I loved him and if he ever wanted to be with me, i'm not opposed to it, but i just wanted my friend in my life. He said we'd be ok, but later texted me that he's cuting me out of his life bc he needs time to heal. Which i accepted, but two days later, I saw Rio leaving his room half naked and i realized why he actually cut me out. I asked him not to lie to me anymore and he insisted that Rio and he were not back together, but he doesn't want me to even be his friend anymore because I told Rio everything. I apologized and admitted that i did it because i didn't want him to get back with Rio, but everything I said, was just the truth. Regardless, he cut me off. And it's been a bit since he did. He's back together with Rio again, I'm taking some time to move on and work on myself. And I recently just turned 20. I did get drunk and call him crying on my birthday, but I've decided to move on.
I probably shouldn't even ask again, but, do you guys think i was an asshole in this situation?

Thank you guys for your comments and advice on the last post.

Hey guys,
Question - I had planned on going to a concert with my friend for 2 months and her sister is going too. My aunty died the night before from a heart attack on the steps. I feel so guilty it was unplanned and I'm worried she might think I'm lying as an excuse because she knows my boyfriend won't let me go but that's genuinely not it. Thoughts?

Long story short, my girlfriend 24F grew up in a verbal and sometimes physically abusive home with her mom. She’s one of 5 siblings and they all have cut her off except for my gf since she still lives there.

Every time I’ve been over her house, her mom and her boyfriend fight all night. It’s screaming, glass breaking, hitting each other, and it goes on all night so we’re both exhausted the next day. I’ve had enough of it so I’ve stopped going over about 2 months ago and she just comes over my house to get away from it all.

Her mom texted me asking why I haven’t come over in months, and I asked my girlfriend how she’d like me to answer as I don’t want any trouble. I’ve been telling her mom I was busy, unavailable, etc. She told me tell her the truth and maybe it will get through to her if I say it, so I did - I replied back both politely and honest, explaining that I understand she wants me to come over, however I do not like being around screaming all night. I told her it keeps us up all night, and that if there isn’t any fighting I will gladly come over.

Sure enough, she blew up on my girlfriend saying I’m a POS, I’m never invited over again, etc, and now my girlfriend feels bad. She thinks we ruined my relationship with her mom, even though I responded how she told me to.

Personally, I don’t think there’s any value in building a relationship with an emotionally/physically abusive person, and I also don’t think it’s an unreasonable request to not want to be around that toxic behavior that keeps you up all night. AITA for telling my girlfriend’s mom the truth about why I don’t spend time at their place?

So we are in uni (all of us are in our 20s) and we have a huge class. There's this one guy who is conventionally attractive (+ has that mystery guy thing going for him) and so many girls have crushes on him and have tried to approach him, though he's turned them down and tends to avoid interacting with girls much in general. Let's call him A. One of the girls in my friend group who I was good friends with has always found him attractive as well. Let's call her F. She used to say 'I have a crush on him' but then later on say it's all jokes and then again said I no longer have a crush on him now I just call him attractive for fun. 

F tried to talk to him a few times and they had normal interactions like classmates do. She once found out that his best friend leaked the information to someone indirectly connected to F that A was uncomfortable with F's attempts at interacting with him and that A had said some harsh stuff regarding this. F was angry and hurt, hence confronted A who apologised and said that he hadn't said anything accusatory about her but that rumours had also started to spread about this and it all piled up thus he felt uncomfortable around her . F made it clear to him there are no such feelings on her behalf. After this confrontation, F said everything's sorted and went back to her 'jokes'.

Okay for context I've never encouraged F's crush on A. In fact I and my other friends would always say that you should pursue someone who's actually into you. The few times she ranted about the 'uncomfortable' situation I had listened, not because I wanted to take joy in her pain (which she accused me of doing so afterwards) but because I wanted to be there for my friend.

Fast forward, I found out A actually likes me (we had a few conversations but I never got the hint) and we had this one conversation in which he comforted me while I was deeply disturbed and I fell for him. I actively tried to bury those feelings but a month later we talked and confessed.  We decided that we'd get to know each other more and see if this goes somewhere. With time I saw he was such a kind and caring person and I could genuinely see a future with him. 

I told F and my other friends that A and I are talking and we interact in university too and I was scared this'll hurt her but I wanted to be honest about it. I didn't want to tell her the feelings part because a) i got out of a very toxic relationship some time prior that had become very public and this had caused me a lot of mental distress b) A and I had nothing official going on and I wanted to wait till there was a solid foundation that I could announce to my friends. She said it's fine and that A is not her property.

Some months later, A brought me something and I showed F. She said he clearly likes you and she's so excited for me etc. But then a day later when we met she started completely stonewalling me. I thought to myself "okay she's hurt about it I should give her space". But then she would make very subtle and condescending jabs at me during group conversations (she used to do this while we were friends as well but now they were more about my character). 

Some time later, I was going through a lot of personal problems and was also very sick and didn't go to campus for a few days. When I showed up, I found out through our friendgroup that F had talked poorly about me to them and other classmates who were a) her friends but not mine b) ex friends of our current friends and had proven they were not trustworthy c) people F herself had beef with some months prior 

She told my friends that her and I are no longer friends because I decided to get close to someone who accused her of making him uncomfortable. She told the others who werent in my friend group that I backstabbed her, falsely accused me that i never told her him and i talk and other stuff that would make people question my character. Turns out A's best friend again went and told someone linked to F that A and I had feelings for each other (something A told him in confidence).

My friends tried to encourage her to have a last conversation with me but F said there is nothing to talk about. I was very disturbed and some time later, in my emotional pain panicked and backed off from A even though I had fallen for him by then. A also heard about what was going on + there were false rumours regarding us F's other friends were indulging in with her which were causing me a lot of distress and he was giving me a bit of a hard time about it which was making me feel even more alone and misunderstood (he was saying that I should've communicated absolutely everything from the start which is true and I take accountability for it but he was being upset about it and since I didn't want to reveal F's past 'crush' on him, it made things even more complicated as he kept insinuating that I wasn't being honest enough with him about why F is behaving this way).

I apologised to F, told her my perspective and admitted that despite everything I should've been 100% transparent from the start and she humiliated me but in the end said she needs time and will get over it. I accepted this and have continuously tried to mend things since but even after that she's still doing things that are putting me through severe mental distress. 

AITAH?

AITAH…I’m a service member, sharing kitchen and bathroom with one other service member. I’m 39, they are mid 20s. 1st year; I attempted to befriend; we both kept cordial. We had an understanding, I’d deep clean, and stock up on common items in turn, roomie gave me wifi. Okay, so each time I create a space/ invite to any grievances, as I have a need to address mine; roomie will take away wifi. They may/ may not address my concern( main one is slamming doors; as I’m sensitive to the vibration.)After a while; they will open up access again. CURRENTLY, they are on a new schedule and daily now, I’m awoken each night as they are shuffling drawers, dragging chair on tile( it’s wood on tile, so it’s echoing/ stutter vibration). I’ve been yelling when I’m awoken ( I know it’s passive aggressive), or I’ll single slap a wall. But this past instance, sounded like they dropped a weight, it was loud and heavy. I sent a text later in the day “ try not to arrange furniture so early, haven’t been getting sleep”. And on track, they took away wifi.
How do I approach this? I don’t care about wifi, I do care about my quality of sleep. I try to understand they are on different schedule, but I’m tired of always reach out and being only one communicating,

Don't have much more to say, some of them are still active users, some got clean, some are in asylums, some I have no idea what they are doing. I know what I think about this question but I'm interested in how the general public with 0 understanding of drugs sees this question.

I didn't force them, I use drugs and offered them to try if they wanted, some said no some said yes, some were my girlfriends some were friends, some started using harder stuff and ruined their life.

Should I feel like I pressured anyone to do drugs, maybe my girlfriends felt like I would see them as less if they didn't try drugs, or even my friends?

Most of them were underage if that somehow impacts your judgement, but so was I.

TLDR this is going to be a long read Hi I’m i’m not the best at explaining stuff like this so I’m gonna type out what was said between me and my friend who is the Dm for our dnd campaign. I am Me/R the dm/my friend is J and the other letters are just friends that are either watching the campaign or playing the campaign

J: Hey were about start soon are you able to come?

Me: Yeah, I’m able to come

J: Ight bet!

Me: Just let me know when you’re starting. I’m just taking medicine for my throat

J: Were about to start now

Me: Oh ok give me 50 seconds

J: Are you not able to speak at all?

Me: Yeah, it’s really bad. I didn’t think this would happen to my voice. I’ll see if I’ll be able to talk next time

We were a little bit into the session

Me: Hey, something kind of popped up and I might need to go cause it might be an family emergency so maybe in the next 10 minutes I might have to leave

Me: OK after my turn, I need to go cause it is a family emergency.

Me: J, I gotta go I’m so sorry

A few hours after they finished

J: Hey R I can kinda feel you being a bit nervous during everything and I know you still want to be like present during the campaign. How does becoming a spectator sound like T is?

Me: Oh, it’s not that I was nervous that much. It’s just I kind of couldn’t talk or really say anything I wanted to say. I was kinda iffy at first, but then I started to get OK. I’m better a bit.

J: Alright yes we can talk about this later

A few days later

Me: Hey sorry about the last time we talked all I’m gonna say is nephew is in hospital and I wasn’t doing too hot so sorry about how I was acting

J: But that’s not the issue that we have rn. The issue that we have is that you were untruthful to me and that deeply hurt me. And for that I am going to have to have you be a spectator for the time being. This isn’t something that’s permanent, but I need for that trust to be built back up again.

A day later

Me: What are you talking about saying I’ve been untruthful I wish I could’ve talked, but I don’t wanna damage my voice anymore

J: Ok well for starters this right here, you say you wasn't nervous. But at the same time you say you couldn't talk/say anything. And then went on to say that you was iffy but was getting better. That kinda tells me that you was nervous. Next it was the first time you back tracked. When you said you strained your voice when you texted. Now it you ruptured your voice? Two totally different things ngl. Then the second time you back tracked when you said you strained it a few days ago. Then later on you said you strained the night before we was going to start. Not to mention everything happening very last minute.

Me: Not being able to speak, doesn’t make me automatically nervous. yes there are people there that I don’t know. I’m also doing a lot of get out of my comfort zone i’m literally becoming an extrovert and also helping people forcing myself to use my voice more

I use words strain and rupture all the time I usually mean them as the same thing do I know the difference no, but I know that was not able to speak without it hurting

And my fault things have a last minute I wish I could control certain things that happened, but sometimes I can’t for example I can’t control if my nephew got hurt was sent to the hospital. I didn’t know screaming that much would rapture/strain my voice that badly. i’m also doing a lot of projects for people and personal projects at the same time so I’m sorry that some of the stuff is not going as planned every single time.

J: Ok well if you was taking on all of these projects and knew that you were straining/rupturing your voice why didn't you say something earlier? Why wait to the last minute to say anything? You knew weeks in advance that we was going to have this. And despite knowing this you decide to hold it off 1 hour before we start? If you had said anything I would have worked around it. But you said nothing making me think everything was fine when it wasn't.
In the end I am serious when I say this, you have been untruthful I gave you my reason why I think that. Again you are more than welcome to spectate but I'm not letting you be a player until I can trust you again. And that's by being truthful with me and valuing my time.

Me: Because I have the memory of a goldfish J and some things I just forget about and forget to tell people if I don’t talk to people for a while. I tend to forget they even exist sometimes. Like I sometimes forgot that you and M exist cause I haven’t talked to y’all in a while. Hell I forgot that the DND thing was that Saturday. Even F and E forgot. I’ve also been figuring out a super important life shit. that I just don’t talk about. Also, if I’ve known that I had symptoms of that stuff happened to my throat it doesn’t mean I know how serious or bad it’s gonna be I just thought my voice was gonna be a little raspy(I also didn’t know that the campaign was starting that day, cause I forgot). If you don’t believe me then ask someone who’s been through my mind and knows that I forget a lot of shit. J no offense, but you just went on a touchy subject for me because I hate that I forget things, but I’ve been trying ever since I could remember and I’m slowly getting better at it and it’s something that I hate talking about to people who don’t know what’s going in my mind. The only reason i’m still going on about this it’s because that if I didn’t say anything I would feel like I’m getting punched into a corner, forcing myself to say sorry to things I can’t control. So sorry if I’m a bit irritated rn.

J: I'm going to say this one more time, I know your being untruthful and again I gave my reason why i think that. I'm not saying your gone. I'm saying can watch until you build up that trust again.

Me: Look I know as a dm things that change last minute are stressful and it’s hard to make adjustments but we both need to know we’re playing a game to have fun and some life just happens and we both need to clear our heads and realize where we’re both coming from

J: I’m not going to say it again I made my decision and I’m not changing it until you gain my trust and I know you value time. Now we can talk and anything else but I am not going to repeat myself on this topic anymore.

Am I the asshole?

This is a complicated story and my first post like this, so please bear with me as I aim to be clear, concise, and unbiased. I'll gladly clarify anything in the comments.

I (19F) had a childhood best friend, Stella (19F), for thirteen years, who recently cut me off abruptly and hurtfully. This goes back to high school when a major rift occurred between Stella and our mutual friend, who I’ll call Jen, stemming from a sports team conflict. Their animosity grew due to not addressing the conflict, leading to Stella distancing herself from the group. Despite this, Stella remained my best friend, and we happily maintained our bond, growing closer through college.

Before I continue, I feel the need to disclose that Stella struggles with several diagnosed mental health issues (OCD, ADHD, depression, anxiety, panic disorder, insomnia, and PTSD to name a few) which affected our friendship dynamic in a way that might seem unusual to outside eyes. She had a tendency to ghost me when triggered by high school drama references, particularly involving Jen, but I accepted this and worked through it due to our strong bond.

Our own conflict started in freshman year of college when Stella expressed lingering resentment towards Jen. To support Stella, I distanced myself from Jen, having been cordial with her previous to this, and things calmed down for a while. The situation escalated when a year later (now a month ago) Stella noticed I still followed Jen on Instagram, which I hadn’t even realized due to my indifference towards social media. Despite explaining this and reassuring Stella of my loyalty, she became emotionally distressed, ghosting me for about a week before sending me an emotional video message where she essentially questioned everything about our friendship, revealing she was very tormented by her belief that I was still in close contact with Jen.

I was quick to send a heartfelt reply affirming my support and correcting misconceptions about my contact with Jen. Stella appreciated my message but adamantly insisted I unfollow Jen. Now seems like a good time to mention that I have a sister with OCD through whom I have explicitly learned how to approach compulsive episodes. Keeping this in mind and concerned about enabling what I perceived as a compulsion related to Stella’s OCD, I gently refused, believing it was a healthier long-term decision.

She did not like this.

After a week without a reply, I sent her a follow-up message, knowing college had been tough for her lately. She responded a day later with a long message expressing her feelings of loss, anger, and agreeing with her therapist’s assessment that our friendship was too much for her mental health. She felt hurt and invalidated, and had ghosted me in hopes I’d reread my message and understand how I had re-traumatized her.

I felt lost at the turn of the conversation and was confused about her intentions. After a week of reflection, I apologized and asked her to call to discuss the issue. I truly felt this to be the next best step due to poor communication being the root cause of most issues up to this point. The next day, she refused to call and said my apology didn’t matter because she felt hurt. She claimed I didn’t agree with her “boundary” but didn’t define it. Ultimately, she had no energy to explain herself.

It’s hard to summarize objectively, but the message exchange has felt one-sided and unkind. I’ve invested a lot of time and thought into my messages, explaining my processes and reassuring her gently. She’s responded with blunt, accusatory messages, focusing on how she felt misunderstood. Meanwhile, I’ve been seeing her crash out on social media, spam-posting, and implying harmful things about me through her liked media. Instead of confronting me directly, she chose vague posts.

Keeping this in mind, my last message was blunt but still gentle. I emphasized that she needs to communicate about the conflict in order to be productive. I pointed out that she’s always ghosted me when upset instead of talking. She’s been treating me as if she’s been openly airing her grievances this whole time, when in actuality most of her statements are news to me. I explained how distressing it is that she won’t talk and demands vague things in hurtful ways. I clearly stated that I don’t want to be friends right now because of her lack of communication. I’d already apologized, been open to working through things, and tried to make her feel seen. I ended by saying the ball was in her court and that I was still open to a call, but I needed to distance myself since it’s been a month of zero progress.

She responded, calling me toxic, manipulative, and inappropriate. She said she was doing her best with her therapist’s advice and pitied me for thinking I could “repackage [her] issues and turn them around on [her].” She has now blocked me on almost every platform except for the obscure ones.

This has left me feeling lost and distressed. I genuinely valued our friendship and made every effort to support her, but the lack of clear communication and her hurtful accusations have been difficult to process.

AITAH in this situation?

I am 18M and have just finished school. I work two jobs: Bunnings (basically the Australian version of Home Depot) 3-4 times a week & with an Electrician once a week.The electrician job was part of my schooling; I'd go three days a week to school, then one day to TAFE (Trade School) and one day with the Electrician. There is a possibility that this will lead into an apprenticeship but my parents don’t seem to care too much about that job comparatively.

The problem is that the steel processing plant advertised an apprenticeship recently. Many people that my parents know work/ have worked there. The applications have just finished last week and my parents are still annoyed that I didn’t apply.

I didn’t want to apply because in the past when I have applied for jobs my mum always ends up doing most of the application. I write a draft and she proofreads it. But she always gets frustrated at how I have written things, takes over because she thinks she is more experienced and ends up doing most of the application. I don’t want to do this again.

Also I want to do something on my own in the next few months, like travelling alone. If I committed to an apprenticeship it would be hard to find the time to do this as it does go over the full work week. Additionally I would have to drop my current jobs that I do enjoy.

I’m not against the idea of doing a trade, especially as I have experience with the electrician and there is still hope that that job could become something. However, I don’t want to jump into something because my parents think it’s the best idea. I have other things I want to do. My parents seem to think that by not applying I have missed a great opportunity. Whereas I think I just want to have some control over my decisions.

so, AITAH?

I live in a suburban area and mow my lawn with a push mower and I have it so the grass clippings just blow out in the air, not through a mulched or mushed down.

To be clear, I don’t blow ALL the grass clippings into the street, I just do the “perimeter” method of cutting grass so I’d say 2-3 mower-wide-rows worth of grass max are what go into the street.

Most recently, a neighbor (didn’t know her) literally rolled her window down so I stopped my mower and she scolded me saying it’s unsightly and I should leaf blow it back into my yard. I responded, “Lady, it’s just fucking grass” and she looked at me horrified.

So I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. I don’t have an HOA. It’s not like I’m purposely doing row after row purposely so that ALL the grass goes in the street, just whatever is close to the road.

AITA?

I’m 21F and I recently went on a weekend trip to Paris with one of my closest friends (22F) and her boyfriend (23M). Or at least I thought I was going with both of them, turns out he had no idea I was coming until about two days before we left.
Basically my friend Lucy invited me a few months ago, saying her boyfriend had booked a really nice hotel for their anniversary but she’d rather make a weekend of it with me as well since we’d been talking about going to Paris for ages. I thought it was a little strange but she said he’d suggested it himself because he knew we were close. She also told me not to worry about the hotel because he’d already paid for a suite with two bedrooms, so I just booked my own flights.
The trip itself was fine, although looking back there were a few moments where he seemed slightly irritated by my presence. I assumed they were having some sort of argument and tried to give them space, even spent most of Saturday exploring by myself because I didn’t want to third-wheel.
Anyway on our last night he mentioned something about how he’d originally planned the weekend as a surprise for Lucy, and I jokingly apologised for crashing their anniversary. He looked confused and asked what I meant by crashing, so I said Lucy had told me he’d invited me.
He went completely quiet.
Apparently he’d booked the trip months ago as a romantic getaway, including a rather expensive suite, and Lucy had invited me without asking him because she thought it’d be more fun having me there. He’d been told I was coming two days before departure and she’d made it sound like I’d essentially invited myself after hearing about their plans.
I was mortified. Like genuinely, I can’t think of many things more embarrassing than discovering someone has spent an entire weekend thinking you’re an inconsiderate guest who decided to insert herself into their anniversary.
I confronted Lucy afterwards and she admitted she’d lied but said she hadn’t expected it to become such a big deal. Apparently she finds travelling alone with her boyfriend a bit boring because he’s quite particular about schedules and doesn’t enjoy shopping or going out as much as she does. Which seems like something she might’ve considered before agreeing to go on a romantic holiday with him.
Now here’s where it gets ridiculous. Her boyfriend has asked her to reimburse him for part of the hotel because the trip wasn’t what he’d booked or paid for, and she’s decided I should contribute £600 since I stayed there.
I initially refused because I would’ve happily paid for my accommodation if she’d told me that was the arrangement from the beginning, but I booked flights and took time off work under the impression that I was an invited guest. Had I known I was essentially being smuggled into someone’s anniversary trip I wouldn’t have gone at all.
After thinking about it though, I offered to pay £300, so half of what she’s asking. I figured that while I wasn’t responsible for the situation, I did still stay in a very nice hotel and it wouldn’t be entirely fair to pretend I hadn’t benefited from it. I thought that was a reasonable compromise considering I never agreed to pay anything in the first place.
Lucy wasn’t happy with that either. She’s saying that regardless of the circumstances I still benefited from staying in an expensive hotel for free, and that refusing to contribute the full amount is taking advantage of her boyfriend’s generosity. Which I find quite interesting considering he apparently wasn’t feeling particularly generous towards me in the first place.
I also found out she’s told a few mutual friends that I embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend by bringing up the invitation at dinner, as though I was supposed to know there was some elaborate lie I needed to maintain.
I do feel bad for him, which is partly why I offered the £300, but I really don’t think I should be financially responsible for the full cost of a situation I was deliberately misled into. And frankly if I’d known I was expected to pay £600 for a weekend in Paris I would’ve booked my own accommodation and at least had the luxury of not spending half the trip feeling like an unwanted guest.
AITA for only offering to pay half, even though I did technically get a free hotel stay out of it?

I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) for approximately nine months. We both work full-time, have careers, and are in a serious relationship. He currently lives with his parents, who have always been extremely involved in his life.

I’ve always believed that having a close relationship with your parents is a good thing. However, dating my boyfriend has made me question where the line is between being a loving, involved parent and refusing to accept that your child is an adult.

His mother frequently calls him to check where he is, what he’s doing, and when he’s coming home. If he’s out longer than expected, she wants to know why.
She also questions his decisions to spend money on dates with me. For example, if he mentions that we’re going out for dinner, she’ll question why he’s taking me out and express concern that he’s going to spend too much money on me.

For context, my boyfriend works full-time and earns his own money. I also work full-time and am financially independent. I’m not expecting him to bankroll my lifestyle, and we’re perfectly capable of making decisions about how we spend our money.

What I find particularly frustrating is the expectation that his parents should be informed about practically everything happening in his personal life.

I’m a relatively private person. I don’t believe being in a relationship means our parents are entitled to know every disagreement, decision, or personal detail between us.

His family seems to view that differently.

If my boyfriend chooses not to disclose something because he considers it private, his family can interpret that as dishonesty. To me, there’s an enormous difference between lying to someone and simply not volunteering information they’re not entitled to.

And when my boyfriend started establishing boundaries or expressing opinions his parents disagreed with, the assumption became that I must be manipulating him.

That’s probably what bothers me most.
He’s a 25 year-old man with his own thoughts, opinions, and values. Yet when those opinions don’t align with his family’s expectations, it seems easier for them to believe that his girlfriend is influencing him than to accept that he might genuinely disagree with them.

The irony is that my boyfriend is just as frustrated by these expectations as I am. He’s perfectly capable of speaking for himself, and he’s made it clear that he wants more independence.

His parents also believe that family should take precedence over romantic relationships unless there’s an engagement or marriage involved.

I find that perspective strange. I don’t think a relationship suddenly becomes worthy of respect because someone purchases a ring.

I understand that we’ve only been dating for nine months. His family, from what I’ve seen and heard, only begins to really take relationships seriously at the one-year mark. I also understand that he lives under his parents’ roof, and I absolutely believe he should respect reasonable household rules.

But I don’t believe living at home means surrendering your right to privacy, financial autonomy, or independent decision-making. Especially as it relates to our relationship.

And I don’t think parents should expect to remain the most important people in their adult children’s lives indefinitely.

If we eventually get married and have children, I would expect us to prioritize the family we’re building together. I wouldn’t expect either of us to organize our lives around keeping our parents happy.

Likewise, if I have children someday, I would hope they love me and want me involved in their lives, but I wouldn’t expect them to report their whereabouts, justify their spending, or share private details of their relationships once they’re adults.

I recognize that parents spend decades raising and supporting their children, and that watching those children become independent can be difficult.
But I don’t believe parenting creates a lifelong debt of obedience.

My boyfriend agrees with my perspective, but I’m starting to wonder whether my own expectations are unreasonable, especially given that he still lives at home.

This entire situation has been the source of on-going tension in our relationship, to the point my boyfriend has told me point-blank he would understand and support me choosing to leave if it ever came to that—simply because it has caused us such a huge degree of stress.

However, I love him and aside from his family he is the most amazing man I could’ve ever asked for, which is why this situation sucks as much as it does. We’ve had many talks and he has gotten better with asserting his boundaries, but it still can be very difficult at times.

Given all this…

AITAH for believing that his parents are confusing being close to their adult son with having authority over his personal life?

For some context, I was at the gym and saw my friend, in the past he would make fun of someone else that went to the gym's appearance. Today I arrived and saw him in the cable room, I wasn't sure it was him at first but went over to confirm. He got a new cut and looked really fucking funny. Like he went from having nice hair to looking like a thumb or a bean, kind've like a short haitcut version of the Beatles nerd type haircuts you'd see in the 70s but faded. I asked why he cut his hair, he said it was the last time he'd be getting that cut, I tried controlling myself but couldn't hold it in and just started dying laughing. He looked really fucking funny and was the always the first guy to make jokes about this other guy's appearance who was trying to lose weight, AITAH?

Hi everyone, I have a cousin who is literally like my twin brother. We're EXTREMELY close, to the point where people actually think we're siblings. We're always the first to know about each other's plans, especially birthdays, and we've never had anyone come between us. I also have a boyfriend of 5-6 years who is good friends with my cousin.

Around 4 years ago, my boyfriend and I broke up for about a year. During that time, a girl (let's call her Suzie) developed feelings for him. They went to homecoming together, but he made it clear they were ONLY friends because he still had feelings for me. Apparently, she didn't take that well because she's seemed to have a grudge against me ever since, even though I had never met her.

Fast forward 2 years, we're at prom with our own dates, and I kept catching her giving me nasty side eyes. I brushed it off because I didn't even know her personally.

Another 2 years later, present time, I see her at a college party and smile and wave at her TWICE, only to be completely ignored both times. At that point, I figured she still had some issue with me, but I didn't care enough to confront her.

A week later, my cousin FaceTimes me asking about the supposed "beef" between us. I told him there was no beef on my end, and if she had an issue with me, I genuinely didn't know why. Since they go to the same college, he spoke to her and explained that he couldn't be friends with someone who hated me because of how close we are. She denied having any issue with me, and he believed her. I didn't, but I let it go.

Now here's where the actual issue starts.

A month later, I receive an invitation to my cousin's birthday party, only TWO weeks before it's happening. I noticed everyone else had received theirs over a month earlier, which was weird considering we're ALWAYS the first people invited to each other's birthdays.

When I casually asked why, he told me he'd gotten really close with Suzie and had to ASK HER PERMISSION before inviting me.

I was confused until I found out she was hosting his birthday at her house. That made more sense, but I still found it weird that my own cousin had to basically get approval to invite me to HIS birthday.

What really bothered me was when he admitted he couldn't invite me earlier because my presence could've caused the ENTIRE party to be canceled. Mind you, I've never once said I had an issue with this girl.

He was actively telling everyone to save the date over a month ago, including friends he met THROUGH ME, while I wasn't even told about it.

I tried explaining why this hurt me, but he keeps shutting down the conversation. My best friends and roommates think I shouldn't even go because they see it as him prioritizing a girl he recently became close with less than a month ago, over someone who's practically his sister.

I understand it's her house, but I can't help feeling disrespected that I was treated like an optional guest at my own cousin's birthday.

Am I overreacting for feeling this way, and would I be wrong for not going?

So I’m a RN in a state where breaks are not mandatory and are rare. My department is pretty good about getting us our 30 minute lunch break during our 13 hour shifts but no other breaks. While sitting at lunch today one of my colleagues comes up to me and starts yammering on and on. I’m just trying to enjoy my food and some legit quiet to reduce overstimulation. I don’t respond hoping she will get the hint. Then she says ‘well aren’t you a barrel of joy to talk to’. I respond ‘I get 30 minutes to eat and relax. I don’t want to socialize. Please respect my 30 minutes’. My coworker was miffed to say the least. I don’t know if it was because I am normally bubbly and chatty/friendly and it threw her off or what. I value my 30 minutes to enjoy my food and get away from the monitor alas etc. AITAH?

I lost my baby and after his passing, I purchased a cemetery plot for him with enough space for additional caskets. It’s an incredibly personal place to me.

My grandfather recently passed away and my family hadn’t made any burial arrangements. They asked if he could be buried next to my baby, and I agreed without hesitation.

However, my family has now told me that I’m not welcome at my grandfather’s funeral because my cousin will be attending. This cousin sexually abused me when I was a child and my family thinks having both of us there would make things too uncomfortable(they have always favorited him and excluded me even though I was a child and him an adult)

I’m honestly devastated. I feel like I’m being punished for something that was done to me, while the person who hurt me is allowed to attend.

Now I’m seriously considering telling my family that I’ve changed my mind about allowing my grandfather to be buried in my plot.

It’s not because I don’t love my grandfather. But this whole situation has made me realize that my cousin might eventually visit his grave, which means he would also be visiting the place where my baby is resting.

The thought of the person who abused me being anywhere near my baby’s resting place makes me sick. That is supposed to be my safe and peaceful place, and I don’t want him anywhere near it.

Part of me wants to tell my family they need to find somewhere else to bury my grandfather. But I also feel incredibly guilty because I already agreed, and I know changing my mind would make an already difficult situation worse.

I don’t know if I’m letting my emotions get the best of me or if I’m justified in feeling this way.

So, AITA for wanting to withdraw my permission, or am I overreacting because I’m hurt about being excluded from the funeral?

I (21F) am currently in college, studying for my degree, and I have a partner (20F). We known each other for months and haven't even been together officially for a month yet.

Recently, we've had disagreements about priorities, particularly when it comes to my education, career, and future.

For context, I'm someone who likes planning ahead. I want to graduate, get a stable job, save money, travel, and eventually build a comfortable life for myself. I'm not expecting to become rich, but I don't want to spend my adult life constantly worrying about bills or struggling financially.

My partner and I have different perspectives on this. Sometimes, it feels like prioritizing my career is being treated as though I'm choosing my future over our relationship. I don't really understand this because, to me, building a career and becoming financially stable should ultimately benefit both of us if we're planning a future together.

I'm also concerned about our financial future. My partner doesn't currently have a job(nor does she have any skills or higher education than high school) I understand that everyone has their own circumstances and timeline, and I'm not expecting someone to have their entire life figured out at 20. However, I also have to think about whether our long-term goals and expectations are compatible.

I don't want to end up being the sole breadwinner or feeling like I have to sacrifice career opportunities to accommodate a relationship. I want a partner who has her own goals and is willing to build a future alongside me, even if we don't earn the same amount.

But we're still at the beginning of this relationship, and I don't think I should have to put my future plans on hold or feel guilty for prioritizing my education.

Am I being too focused on the future and not giving the relationship enough room to develop naturally?

​

hii, i 14F parents have been separated for years, and I currently live with my mom. Recently, they've had a disagreement because my dad occasionally wants to stay at my mom's house when he's in town driving trucks. My mom doesn't want him sleeping on her couch because he's not the cleanest person, and she doesn't want him staying in her home. However, she never said he couldn't visit altogether.

My dad apparently interpreted this as her not wanting him to visit anymore. He texted me saying he wasn't going to visit anymore because my mom was mad at him and he didn't have the energy to deal with it.

I asked my mom about this, and she explained that she wasn't mad at him. She simply didn't want him sleeping on her couch. Those are two different things, but apparently my dad took it differently and decided he didn't want to visit anymore.

Now, here's where the actual problem starts.

My dad knows I'm transitioning from online school to in-person high school. He said he was happy about it because it would help us work on our communication skills. I told him I was already good at communicating, and he replied with "Yeah, right 😂."

That genuinely annoyed me because he isn't around enough to know how I communicate with other people, especially when it comes to expressing my feelings. We don't have a particularly close relationship, and he isn't very involved in my everyday life, so I didn't appreciate him making that assumption. I left him on read because I was irritated.

Fast-forward to today. My mom told me to let my dad know that she'd texted him. I texted him, "Hey, my mom said she texted you."

He replied, "Whatever she wants to tell me, she can tell you."

I responded by asking why I had to relay the message when he could simply open her text and read it himself.

About an hour later, he replied something along the lines of, "I'm sure she'll tell you whatever she wants to tell me. If not, then 🤷‍♂️."

At this point, I'm honestly irritated.

First, you make a comment implying that I'm bad at communicating, but now you're expecting me to communicate on your behalf because you don't want to open a message from my mom? How does that make sense?

Second, my mom is literally trying to communicate with you directly. Instead of reading her message and responding to her like an adult, you're trying to involve me in the situation.

I'm 14. You're 45. Why am I being put in the middle of a disagreement between two grown adults who are perfectly capable of communicating with each other?

I understand that my dad might not want to deal with my mom if he thinks she's upset with him. That's his decision. But I don't think that gives him a reason to use me as a messenger, especially when my mom has already contacted him directly.

I'm not interested in relaying whatever she wants to say, finding out what she wants to tell him, or carrying messages back and forth. They are both my parents, and I don't want to be caught in the middle of their disagreements.

What frustrates me even more is the hypocrisy. He makes a sarcastic comment about my communication skills, yet he's the one refusing to engage in a direct conversation and expecting me to do it for him.

I also feel like his ego plays a part in situations like this, although I obviously can't know exactly what he's thinking.

I believe my mom should be able to communicate her own message to him, and he should be able to respond to her directly if he wants to. I'm not responsible for managing their relationship.

So, AITA for refusing to relay the message, or am I being unreasonable?

Hi.

My fiancée (30F) and I (32M) live in a 1-bedroom apartment, about 52 sqm (~560 sq ft). Her brother moved in with us in February. The plan was for him to stay with their other sister, but they didn't get along, so he ended up with us instead. We helped because he had nowhere to go, and I have no problem with him. He's moving out next week.

That sister (call her S) now wants to move in right after he leaves, so she can rent out her own apartment and save up to move to another country (not out of necessity, but out of choice). She says that she is tired of our country and has nothing here (she has a lease, a job, and most importantly, absolutely no savings). S told me it would be "a few weeks." I later found out she had told my fiancée January or February. By my math it would realistically take longer: she would need a deposit plus a few months of buffer, and she won't hear back on her job applications until somewhere between December and February.

The plan also depends on three things all going right: she gets a job, her tenant works out, and her savings are enough. If any of them fail, our home is the fallback. S also tends to make big decisions very quickly and the details of her plans change a lot, so I didn't trust the timeline nor the robustness of her “plan”. She has other options (her dad lives in the country she wants to move to, though she doesn't want to live "in the woods"), and I've helped her financially several times before.

I just want my home back with me and my fiance. No more people. I messaged S directly about this and told her that I want to have my home back with my fiance, in a way that was clear and polite, explaining that it was affecting my relationship with her sister.

Now she is angry at me for going back on my word (it’s a matter of principle, she says). I honestly don’t care much that I did go back and I know she didn’t give me the full information and that’s why I said no, but I honestly do not wish to go tit for tat with her. She is also hung up on it being wrong that I did it over text “since we’re family” but honestly I felt so tired that I just wanted to send a text and forget. So I rescinded the offer and wished her good luck.

Honestly, I feel so gaslighted.

My neighbors have a weiner dog mix. We live out in the country so we don’t have a ton of traffic. But my neighbors live back in the woods, far from the road. We live basically right next to the road. They have this little dog who is at our house constantly. He’s cute for a bit but we don’t have dogs and we don’t want dogs. This dog likes to lay in the middle of the road right in front of our house and in the past month we’ve had 6 people stop to tell us about him being in the road. We always tell people he’s not ours but I’ll let the owners know. I’ve messaged the owners and half the time she reads it and doesn’t respond. Now tonight I just had an angry lady drive by and yell at me “YOUR DOG IS IN THE ROADDDD”. AITAH for putting a sign in the yard stating “the little white dog in the road is not ours”. The owners would make our lives hell if we called animal control. I’m surprised someone hasn’t done it already.

Me, A , B and X have all been the part of a bigger friend group for the last 3 years. I was close with all of them. A and X had been dating for 3 years now. But they broke up and in 3 days X and B started dating. I also got to know that B had confessed to another common friend about 2 months ago that they had feelings for X and also that it was X who asked B out after breaking up with A.

AITAH for thinking there is cheating involved here. X says she "didn't expect this from me" and calls another friend who came to the same conclusion an incel.

PS All the ppl in our group have also decided to cut off X and B.

I (21M) have been close friends with Peggy (20F) for about three years now. We have two other friends Angelica (23F) and Eliza (22F), who Peggy is currently roommates with. We have all known each other since freshman year of college and have been in the same core and extended friend group for a while now. Recently the relationship with the three of them has taken an unfortunate turn due to some poor decisions that were made.

Eliza and I have been hooking up since freshman year. Before we started seeing each other. I made it clear to her that our relationship would be that of a FWB, in which she agreed. And in exchange she asked me to not tell our friends about our relationship, to which I agreed. We continued this relationship for about three years and all seemed well until recently. 

A year ago at some point I came to the realization that I have romantic feelings for Angelica. Even though I had developed these feelings I did not act upon them at all. While Eliza had already shown signs of jealousy towards other women I involved myself with, it was painfully apparent she felt some type of way when Angelica and I would interact. I guess you could say she had a sense I liked Angelica before I even did. It had gotten to the point where other people around us had started to notice and began asking questions.

For clarification Eliza would regularly badmouth me to Peggy and Angelica. She would talk poorly about Angelica to me while we would hangout, and would cause constant miscommunication between the two of them and I. At one point there was an incident where Angelica called me very drunk and alone late at night on the street while Eliza and I were together. Naturally I dropped what we were doing and went to help her, but as I did Eliza had a major attitude shift and was clearly bothered by this. This confused me because instead of coming with or being  concerned for our friend she threatened to leave and go home for the night.

So on Valentine’s Day me, Peggy, and a group of friends decided to go out to some parties. On our way back from the function I drunkenly decided to tell Peggy about my situation with Eliza and accidentally mentioned my feelings for Angelica. I thought it was only a matter of time until she found out and wanted to tell her on my own terms. Lets just say that Peggy was not very happy for the next 48 hours, she screamed and cussed me out the whole way back. Later that night she decided to confront Eliza about our relationship, Eliza called me infuriated that I would tell Peggy about our "secret” relationship. I say “secret” as at this point in time almost everyone had some idea of what was going on, but refused to say anything.

The next day Eliza decided to tell Angelica about my feelings towards her and that Eliza and I had been hooking up. Angelica was very upset when she received the news and proceeded to send me a very angry and hurtful text message and blocked/removed me on different platforms.
Peggy told me the details of the conversation the three of them had that day, lets just say that Eliza lied and painted our relationship in a worse light then what it was. Neither Peggy nor Angelica believed her as Eliza had been lying to the two of them for three years, but Angelica was still upset with me.

I later had two separate conversations with Eliza and Angelica. My conversation with Eliza went along the lines of her refusing to answer my questions and denying any accusations against her. While my conversation with Angelica was a bit more productive, she said she did not hate me and was not mad at me, but she could not be friends with people who she has had feelings for and vice versa. 

Since then I have not had a proper conversation with either Angelica or Eliza, but I do talk to Peggy on the daily. Peggy and Eliza are not currently on talking terms as Eliza refuses to apologize for lying and blaming Peggy for what happened. Angelica and Eliza hate each other, but are pretending that everything is ok so as to keep the peace while they live together. This has unfortunately strained the friend groups dynamic as neither one of them wish to be in the same room as me, but continue to drunk text and call me every now and then. 

So AITAH for any of this, be honest please.

Edits: After reading some of the comments I wanted to clarify a couple things.

1. I suggested and wanted her to tell the friends she was closer to about our relationship from the beginning, as we had agreed that I was allowed to tell my friends/roommates about our situation. I did not want to keep this a secret from the group in the beginning.
2. Eliza had repeatedly denied having any romantic feelings for me throughout the three years and stated she was perfectly okay with how things were. So I felt no need to question her any further.
3. Concerning the badmouthing and lying Eliza had done I was not aware of it while seeing her at the time and was only recently informed of this by Peggy and Angelica after everything had gone down.

So my fiance(26m) and I (27f) have been discussing this for a while and we are hitting a bit of a wall. So his sister is getting married this coming week and we are unable to attend as we are overseas and it would cost us about 6k to attend and two 20 hr flights that I don't think I'd be able to do in such a short amount of time.

There has already been drama around this as her sister has been going around telling people that we didn't try enough and it ended with a conversation with his mom and her telling us and I quote "well y'all could've tried a bit harder" in which he hung up and I physically walked out of the room as I was about to blow up.

So, I've already made it clear to my fiance that I do not like his sister due to this event as well as some past events that happened. Part of the reason I don't want to send her money is because I genuinely believe she will complain about it and it will end with his parents bitching at him because of it. She did it when we gave her money for holidays and various other events. And I told my fiance that if she is going to be ungrateful I have no interest in giving her money. I'm not expecting to be praised with thank yous but I don't think it's a lot to ask for someone to just say thank you and move on.

My fiance says this may be taking it too far and he just wants to avoid his parents nagging at him about it but of course I mentioned they may call and nag anyways if she complains about how much money we gave her and if they are doing that anyways I would rather be a free hundred dollars richer.

Wibtah if we went though with just not sending her money?

Edit: just so I could clear things up as I do realize I probably left out a lot. We have a joint account as well as separate accounts. I have very much told him that he could send money from his separate account, just not from the joint. But I also have told him that I don't want to hear him complain when his parents call him telling him that he didn't send enough money because I almost guarantee you that call is going to come and that completely ruins the whole reason he sent the money. He also doesn't want to send money. So the main issue here is he is only doing it to avoid conflict but I think the conflict will still be there regardless. So for anyone saying I'm trying prevent or stop him, I'm not.

My fiancé’s best friend’s mom moved into a spare bedroom in his(my fiancé’s) home about 6 months ago. I moved in 4 months ago. She is 75. When she moved in every party knew it would be temporary until she could find a new home since she had to quickly evacuate the previous place she was in. Temporary meaning a couple months (that’s what I was told she told him).

Things have not gone well despite my best efforts to be friendly. It kind of comes down to a matter of respect. She’s done things to repeatedly push my boundaries like rearranging my plants and deck furniture and feeding my pet when not asked. She stays up in her room (which is right across from mine and my fiancé’s) all day watching shows. She shares a bathroom with us. When I cook she has repeatedly complained about the smell that goes into her room. When I first moved in I guess she was in the habit of going into my fiancé’s room without asking to give water to the dog or whatever and she did that when I was cooking to air it out or whatever, I got upset told my fiancé and tensions have been high ever since.

To me, if I was in her position I would be showing more humility yet she acts like the place is hers, when she’s simply renting a room. We came back from a two week trip recently and she had moved all the rugs to a different place, put my flowers in a different position in the garden.

I told my fiancé about a month ago that she has two months to find a new place. I then brought it up to him again that he needs to push her and let her know an exact date of when she needs to be out.

I’m gonna be so honest, I don’t like her. I don’t like this woman in my house pushing these boundaries, acting cold toward me when I make it clear I don’t like her presence in my home. To me, she’s overstayed her welcome. As a 75 year old woman in a house with two almost-newly weds (we are both under 40) it feels beyond weird and I’m getting more furious by the day.

AITAH in this situation? Part of me wonders if I am because I’m not being more accommodating, but part of me is honestly flabbergasted that anyone would willingly put themselves in this situation when we have made it abundantly clear that her time is up.

My fiancé is 100% on my side however he does like the extra income which may be adding to a little bit of the tension energetically maybe she feels like she can stay because he partially wants her to stay just for the money. But even then that is just so wild.

Idk.

I (24f) recently reconnected with a friend (25f) from early high school. We grew up together and were practically like sisters until she moved away freshman year, and we just slowly drifted apart. No fights, no drama, just simply grew into other friends and were physically apart. We followed each other on socials and one day I decided to reach out because I genuinely missed our friendship and wanted to reconnect. Everything was great….

When we reconnected we were talking about how busy our lives have been as adults and all the things. When she first saw me, she was complementing my car my apartment the things that I have which I didn’t see as a bad thing at the time I thought it was just a friend complementing another friend, but we’ll get into that later. I told her about my boyfriend and how we’re planning to move in together and how I started a new job and how much craziness comes with it because that was the topic of conversation. We haven’t seen each other in like 8 years. We bonded over how hard it was to find genuine friends at our age that can understand what it means to be busy and not partying and drinking all the time and so on. We had a text cadence of responding every day to every other day and we would sync schedules to hangout.

Things seemed fine until about last month. Before I went on back to back business trips while moving we went out for lunch. I felt like the vibes were kind of off every time I mentioned my boyfriend and I’s relationship or how good work was going. I know work and relationships in her life was rocky but she asked about mine and I thought I can be honest with her that I was genuinely happy and felt fulfilled in my life. After that day, we texted for 2 days and she hasn’t responded to me since but she posts all the time on IG that she’s out drinking, partying, clubbing and everything with the same girls that she was telling me did her wrong. (Left out some details for the sake of the amount of reading)

I took it personally because I wondered if I had said or did something wrong when we had lunch but my bf and I were talking about it and he feels that even if I didn’t do anything wrong directly, she may feel that I’m rubbing my good life in her face. And although I can understand that, I’m just still trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.

When I came back from my trip last week, I sent her a text asking how she’s doing and would love to chat over dinner before my next trip if she’s free and I had a feeling she may be going through something and that’s why she’s distant. She never responded and left me on read. After not hearing from her, I decided to Unfollow her and remove her as a friend because I kept seeing post of her going out with other people, she’d view my stories, doing the exact things that she complained other people do and completely ignored me.

I told one of my other friends about the situation and she told me last night that the girl posted a story that was pretty much about the fact that “someone” (me) unfollowed and removed her as a follower and how “bitches are petty af”. So AITAH for removing her and reading too much into it?