I don’t know what to do. I wake up in the morning so upset and so stressed and so full of shame and hate and with the urge to hurt myself. It starts the second I wake up.

And the entire day. The entire day I spend every piece of energy fighting those feelings. I have to fight off being paranoid, wanting to cry, wanting to hurt myself, wanting to just curl up and stop existing.

I feel so alone. I need to go to work and pretend to be human for the next eight hours. I can’t do it. I’m nearly in tears just from waking up. I don’t know what to do anymore. Does anyone have any advice on how to help this?

I imagine this is a semi common feature with us, but do you try to act normal and hide your symptoms around other people, and if so, why?

Personally, I do this to varying degrees with everyone, even the people closest to me. My simple rationale being that I don't wanna make others uncomfortable around me or cause them to worry, if I can help it. Sometimes this extends to concealing acute psychotic states, something I manage well enough that even my partner can't tell.

I recognise that this behaviour is probably also sick/wrong/ill-advised, but I find it difficult to alter it. It kinda reminds me of the behaviour observed in some other animals, which hide their physical pain by, for example, becoming more reclusive.

Couple related selfies, though I don't know how descriptive they really turned out. One "public" face as it were, and one private or "how I really feel".

Here’s a before and after my antipsychotic medication. I feel like I’ve blown up.
On Topamax but it isn’t helping, I still gain 2 pounds a week. I exercise, I eat well. Nothing helps.

It HAS to be. Right?

Ignore my oily hair, I washed it yesterday

I hate playing pretend, i hate pretending that everything is ok i just, want to break down, to crawl out of my skin and scream and bash my skull on every hard suface i can find so i can stop thinking. To get out of my own head so i can go back to pretending to be a kind person again. I hate it. Why is the lamotrigine so slow, why is my mood so heavily impacted by music that i can change how i feel by listening to it. I hate keeping everything inside. I want to tell the truth, to let it all come spilling out. To cut it out if me so i can go back to playing pretend a little bit easier. Why do i keep thinking about the ticking. Why am i so worried about the time, what is it ticking down to

Hey everyone!

TLDR: Diagnosed middle age father, refusing medication. He needs help but doesn’t accept it unless it’s money. He’s homeless, it’s getting cold, and he’s asking for financial support. I think he’s slowly open up for help, what do I do to get him back on his feet?

Hi everyone! If the way I phrase anything comes off offensive please forgive me. That is not my intent

My dad (mid-50s) was diagnosed with scitzoaffective disorder 7-8 years ago. He showed signs of mental health challenges before this, but after the diagnosis he was given medication to help support himself.

The last 5 years he has not taken the medication and has slowly gone down hill. He has boxed out the family, used up his money, and is now homeless and trying to rely on government to help. Obviously government support is inconsistent at best, so he’s slowly reached out to family again.

He has no place to stay, and being in the north east and winter coming, he is struggling to figure out what to do being that we don’t have a place for him to stay.

We don’t have the means to support him and our own lives, but desperately want to help.

We’ve tried to work with him to see a doctor so he can get back on his medication. He said he is working on it but refuses help even though we can help accelerate the process.

What do we do in this situation. Even if we get him an apartment, can he become a functioning part of society again or at least sustain himself?

How can I help him…

Feeling desperate and lost. Hate seeing him like this

I've been strangely fixated on the concept of dying, not suicidal before you ask. But just what happens when you do. Is there significant pain? Do you just poof cease to be? Would you even be aware that you cease to be? It's weighing me down emotionally. I know some people turn towards religion or faith, but I've not been a fan of organized religion for some time. I do accept that something greater than us exists I just don't think one particular religion has the correct answer.

I can't stop circling on the thought of dying. I'm scared but curious. I'll be 43 this year and I'm coming to terms with aging even though I don't want to. Sorry I needed somewhere to get this out.

Hi. So, I finally got diagnosed with schizoaffective-bipolar type after multiple doctors misdiagnosing me and just pumping me full of meds they “thought” would work since I was about 14. I’m now almost 30 (next month) and I’m struggling with my diagnosis. Not because it doesn’t make sense, but because… I don’t know… I’ve been having hallucinations since I was around 13/14 and none of my drs ever really acknowledged them until the one I started seeing about two or three years ago did. I was in a really rough state for quite a while and I’m still kind of in one. My dr is working on getting me to a decent dose of my meds that will work the way we need (I’ve been on a low dose since I just got on it not too long ago after trying Geodon because that made me feel AWFUL)
I have other psychiatric disorders too so that doesn’t help.
I’m kind of just reaching out to find others who understand what I’m going through because no one around me does.

Does anyone else experience times where it feels like you are in a simulation or like you are part of the matrix? It happens randomly to me and I feel like I am not part of the same reality as everyone else…it’s really trippy and it only lasts for a while but I don’t know what triggers it. Really hope I am not the only one with Schizoaffective who experiences this.

I have been on the inverga shot for about a year and a half now and I realize when I first started to smoke, I couldn’t get high and it was right after a break too fast forward a couple months and after another break I was able to get high repeatedly for a while with breaks inbetween I can get high no problem, fast forward again to the day I get a stable job and into a few days of back to back smoking sesh with a old friend I’m not able to get high again as soon as I bought a ounce for my self and smoked it I’m stone cold sober, I’m thinking of stopping the shot and going back on the risperidone pill. Has anyone else ever dealed with this? P.S it’s also feels impossible to get drunk

Will be seeing doctor for some advice to see if there’s any overlap to watch out for around that peri age but would like to see what other people experiences are with this. Bipolar type. How do differentiate between perimenopause or menopause symptoms from the actual disorder.

I was hearing stuff that wasn't there, seeing things I couldn't control and didnt want to see. Im on allot of medications now and over seem better, most of the time. Im saying all this because since ive came back to howe i feel like weight of brinks is on me while I sleep because when i try to move when i wake up is extremely hard to do. Do you think it's the meds?

im just fucking manic all the time now but also i hear so many voices which is rather annoying tho i dont totally mind the mania as its a little fun... oopsiee

So my fiancee who's 23 wants to lose weight but doesn't have the willpower to continue through on any workouts. Like they might go a whole month until their period then they will stop during their period and not continue after it. They want to lose weight but it just seems there's no willpower to actually do it. How do I help them

Hey.. another post. But as the title says. I really want to be like some people here who holds a job and have a career and that's really encouraging to read. But im finding it harder and harder to cope with a job. I get extremely tired. I was on sick leave thursday and friday. Yesterday i worked and it sucked everything from me. Today im off work again. I'm seriously considering applying for disability. But i want to function "normally". It really makes me sad. Maybe i'll try part-time again. But even then it was hard for me and I had troubles and was exhausted after work every single day. I'm 31M have worked and studied through everything but i really don't know how exactly did i manage that but somehow did. But now im finding it harder and harder. Why is this happening to me? :(

How likely will my disability case be approved

If you take or have taken ability, do you take it am or pm?

Its my first time back on meds since i last been hospitalised, my psychiatrist referred me to a new one so its been a while since I’ve been medicated
Yesterday i went to my appointment and got prescribed Invega. Never been on it, and definitely haven’t ever heard of it. Tried to do some googling but y’all know how google is (didn’t really help much)
Does anyone else have any experience on Invega? I know it’ll be different for each person I’m just curious and trying to learn as much as i can.
I’ve been also anxious about getting back on meds for some reason. My brain is trying to tell me that I don’t need them or that maybe I’m supposed to just live my life with this without anything

For those of you who consider yourself to be high-functioning on medication, how do you stop gaslighting yourself that your experience is invalidated because you can hold a job and live a pretty decent life?

My symptoms are extremely well controlled on Zyprexa. Almost too well. At times I feel like it would be better to have symptoms here and there just to remind myself that I have a disabling condition - otherwise I’m stuck in a constant cycle of thinking I’m no longer affected and can stop my medication, but having to constantly battle the thoughts and tell myself that I have to take the meds because they’re what is allowing for me to live relatively unbothered by the schizo symptoms.

It doesn’t help that I’ve gained almost 50 lbs in 3 months since my insurance company denied my GLP-1 medication, which is the only thing that allowed me to maintain my weight on Zyprexa. I want to stop the medication constantly so I can stop gaining all this weight.

I think I just needed to vent a bit before my appt tomorrow with my med provider, but I am curious for those who the meds are effective for, how are you doing? Do you also constantly have to weigh the value of the medication to your mental health and life success with the consequences of it for your physical health?