As we get ready for marriage my fiancée told me that during uni she hooked up with a mutual friend (m28) after nights out. The friend was initially hers but has become mine over our 4 year relationship.

She said that he was the first guy (and only other apart from me) she has got into bed with, they did everything except sex (foreplay getting very close to sex though). This lasted for 3 years.

We both see this friend on a weekly basis. I don’t know how I can retain the friendship with him now knowing what I know. I hate the idea of him being around as it feels intrusive to have someone around who has seen my fiancée naked and explored her body for three years. In this time he has not been in a relationship with any girl. I hate the thought of her being a primary experience he reflects on as he has limited overall experience.

Am I wrong for having a feeling of total disgust? Is it acceptable for us both to end this long friendship with him in light of this news? How should I feel? Thanks

I need someone to tell me how I should take this, if it’s cheating or not. This happened in February/march this year, but I keep remembering about it from time to time. Me and my boyfriend had been dating since February this year and our relationship was very intense since the beginning, we would argue a lot but make up hours later, break up many times from dumb things but get back together a day later, but for about 2-3 months we’ve been doing much better, make efforts in understanding eachother and argue less. He said he wants to marry me and he even started to provide for me financially even though I said he doesn’t have to. We spend all day together, play games, watch stuff, talk and just mesh extremely well, but from time to time smth that happened months ago still comes to me and it attacks my brain with thoughts like “he still thinks about his ex” or “he will cheat on you” or “he cheated on you before for sure”, etc. A few months ago I told him to share his screen to me, like I said back then things were really intense, no trust, always fighting. I tell him to go into “deleted messages” and there I find what seemed to be a conversation with his ex gf, he dated this girl for like 6 months and they broke up in like November or December 2025. The first message was sent by her in February when me and him were still getting to know eachother, and kinda dating (we met in January this year).
So this is how the first conversation went:
Her: hi? (14 February)
Her: hey (double texted in the same day)
Him: hello (15 February at 2am)
Her: what’s up (15 February 4am)
Him: nothing much, thanks for asking. Honestly we shouldn't really speak, like I said I'm not gonna block you but our contact should only be essential things like maybe checking in every few months if anything (15 February 8am)
Her: okay if u say so

A day later HE texts her first :
Him: Ik I said we wouldn’t talk for a good while but I wanted to say, I had a dream abt u last night lol (16 February)
Her: anything interesting?
Him: *he says the dream it wasn’t anything crazy just them hanging out and he says “they hugged”)
Her: aww that’s cute
Him: yes it was very random. Just wanted to mention it before I forgot, have a good day.

(What bothers me here is that, on this day we slept together on call because he was away at that time, and I sent him a big morning paragraph saying sweet stuff, and while he was sleeping on call with me, he was dreaming of her and texting her abt it?)

Then she texted him to call and play a game together, and they did. He said that during the call she kept trying to flirt with him and try to have a conversation abt getting back together and that he just rejected her

Then they don’t talk anymore for the rest of February, so this was like 2-3 days in February they spoke, then she texted him a happy birthday in march, here me and him were dating, and she offered to buy him smth and send it to him (a mic, quite expensive) to which he declines the offer, she kept reaching out a couple more times but he wouldn’t reply or only replied once very dry and late.

They had a conversation abt how he didn’t like how she treated him and how their relationship went and then on 14 April, a month later he texts again “hey, Just felt motivated to say hope you're ok and doing well. Keep talking to God. We most likely won't speak again after this but just take care of yourself. My time with you was meaningful, even if I did feel betrayed by the way you treated me in the end, it was helpful learning for my future relationships, cya.” And then he blocked her. And that’s where they’re conversations finished, I found out abt all of these in may, a month after their last message, I remember crying and yelling and felt very disgusted and heart broken, idk if I overreacted but it’s just how I felt, his reasons was that he just needed closure and that he does not want her or love her, and that if he wanted her back he would’ve went back to her when she kept reaching out and asking to get back together, I didn’t feel better tho because I wish he would’ve just never replied and block her since the beginning, and I wish he told me his ex reached out. And about the dream he had of her, he said he only said that to her to see how she reacts, I don’t understand him and I don’t know even know months later if to believe he rlly didn’t have any intentions, it’s true that back then we were just barely dating, or fighting , or were broken up, or another dumb scenario, but it still hurt, and to this day I feel that what we have is not real, and that he doesn’t actually love me, and still thinks abt her or even still talks to her but hides it better now.

What should I believe? Did he cheat on me? Did he not do anything wrong? Am I overreacting? Is it normal for him to text her back then?

My gf (F20) and I (M20) have been dating for about 10 months now and she’s never gone out to a club or anything like that. She planned on going to the club last year on Halloween but due to not being able to commute, she cancelled. This year her best friend asked her to go clubbing 2 nights in a row. The best friend isn’t on good terms with her boyfriend, she drinks and smokes, has alot of guy friends and I just cant get myself to trust her to be honest. My gf and I had plans that we would go out together before but we didn’t really plan where we would go. So she said since we dont have plans i decided to go out with my bsf. As the days get closer, I’m getting more anxious and I dont know how to deal with it. I talked to my gf about it and she said you just need to trust me but I keep thinking about different scenarios where she could end up cheating on me. Im not sure how I can deal with it and if anyone can help I would really appreciate it.

I(F27) have never been in a relationship before. I would like to try it out, but honestly it’s so confusing. Everything I know about dating and relationships came from either the movies or my very conservative upbringing.

I don’t understand how long the talking stage has to be before you can be “dating”. I don’t like situationships cause I know its gonna mess with my head. I need the commitment. But then when is too early to ask for a commitment? I’m not necessarily saying I think I would marry someone after going out with them for two weeks, but you can be in a committed relationship and still see where things would go right?

I wish we could go back to dating before where guys would actually court girls and show interest. This whole nonchalant situationship casual bs is honestly really depressing.

I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself even typing this, I am aware this is not normal and I genuinely need to get a life, apologies if this is long I have a lot on my mind. We've been together a year, and I can't stop obsessing about him. This is not in a "he's so dreamy" kind of way, but more in a "what did I do wrong" "does he even care about me" way, obsessing over interactions and what I could have done different.

Before we met, I had lost all my friends after being in a very long deep depression and ultimately ghosting everyone instead of talking about it. I will always regret doing that and running away from my problems, and currently other than my partner, I don't have anyone to really hang out with. I'm barely called in to work and lately I've been stuck at home trying to keep myself busy while scavenging for other jobs. I find myself feeling jealous of my bf, seeing him have his own things to do and other people he can hang out with without needing to think of me. I'm happy he has all this support, but I keep comparing to myself and how he has more fun with others than with me. How we don't do much when we do hang out, how he seems to laugh more when someone else is talking, how he actually goes out with friends and does things with them while we stay inside. I feel evil for thinking the way I do, comparing myself to others, but I always have this thought in my head that he will never care for me as much as he does for those who have been in his life for longer, and that truth always makes me feel bitter.

I get in my head and think, he doesn't want to make time for me anymore. He doesn't miss me as much as I miss him, he's going to fall out of love with me if he hasn't already, he is disgusted by my looks and personality. The other day I expressed I wasn't feeling well, he gave me a one word response and changed topics. He claimed before he was going to be busy that day and that's why we can't hang out, but he ended up hanging with friends and consoling another and playing games and 'forgetting he had responsibilities that day'. I kept expressing how I miss him, he doesn't make any action, so I gave up and went to bed. I feel selfish for wanting to spend more time with him, he is not obligated to come see me especially since I do not have a car. I want to visit him but he gets upset if I bring up me paying for my own transportation, and I also doubt he'd want to spend more time with me when we were just together not long ago.

I'm scared to even think of bringing this up to him, I don't want to ruin anything, the one relationship I have right now outside of family. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him, I know I have to be upfront about my feelings and wants, but I get scared of his reaction or if I'm bothering him. I feel so alone every day I'm not with him and I know it's not healthy, I can't rely on another person for my own happiness. I'm in therapy and on meds, but it's all still in my head and I can't take this. I feel even typing this that I'm victimizing myself which I most likely am, and will probably just try to move on from this or something.

How do I get him out of my head when we aren't together? What hobbies do you have that help fill up the time?

Repost here because I placed this on the wrong sub before. Long post sorry!

I (M 33) cheated on my GF (F 33) of 15Y twice in our relationship. This morning I wrote a letter because I had no right to risk jeopardizing her health. We have been living together for five years. Known each other since high school. She is my first love still to this very day.

Side note that may be relevant: There has been “cheating” from her side which I discovered. However that was 13y ago and was an affair that she told me never grew sexual, mostly sexually tinted messages, and she has long since been forgiven for it.

Story below.

In 2021 we were in a really rough patch. My gf was feeling very depressed for months and I was doing all I could to support her. After a few months of doing my best I started feeling my own needs not being met.I felt like I could not tell her that I was feeling unloved. She needed me to be her strength, not another burden she had to bear. After some things happened I passed by a massage salon, somehow decided to go in, and got a happy ending (by hand) massage. This is the scummiest thing to do, and I am a fucked up person for doing this to her. I wanted to tell her all of it but in my head I was afraid of making her sad, confused and feel unwanted or not enough. It also however caused me no longer to think about my own distress and got me to focus entirely on her alone, which helped me push my own feelings away again. Guilt? Definitely.
I decided to keep this a secret for the rest of my life even if it kills me, and told myself I would never do anything like this ever again.

Fast forward to August of this year (2026). She didn’t show any affection, didn’t wanna have sex for a whole year (once a month), was very distant, and clearly very frustrated and sad. I once again ended up in the same coping strategy as 2021. This time however my own feelings were released in a sudden crying spree. I told her I was afraid of losing her and wondered if she still loved me, told her she doesn’t have to stay with me if she doesn’t want to. At this point I was probably wanting to tell her everything, but couldn’t say the last bit out loud. I cried as I got out of the salon after the deed. All of the emotions I felt were changed into guilt. I didnt tell her purely because I didn’t want to lose her. I got nightmares about this frequently, about her finding out, crying, leaving.

We wanted children. And just over a month later(September)we tried for the first time. Now after trying for the second month(October) right the day after I felt a weird tingle on the tip of my cilinder. I knew it shouldn’t be an std but kept looping it in my head, what if I hurt her, what if she finds out, what if I hurt her, what if she finds out. The feeling got stronger over the course of 24h and I could not sleep. I looked at her sleeping, played all 15 years through my head. The cheating kept coming up. Contemplated telling her or not. Scummy things like tell her only when positive for something went through my mind. The deciding factor was that her physical health is too important for me to play with or risk anything with, and that I deserve what’s coming to me. So I wrote a letter as I got up, telling her of both times I cheated. That I would respect her wishes. I knew I couldn’t take it back if it was written, I wouldn’t lie or hide my way of this if I left the note and went to work. (She gets home earlier than me).

As I got to work, after writing it down, way less pain in the penis. Results this morning say I am negative for everything. My body physically reacted to my fear. I should have communicated with her before I betrayed her. I regret hurting her, just thinking about her pain makes me bawl out in regret and disgust.

I am not gonna wallow in useless self pity, will give her space and stay with my parents until she is ready to talk and decide for herself what she wants to do with this information. I hope she has people around to help her.

I wanna save the relationship. At the same time I do not want her to just take me back because she did something hurtful to me 13 years ago. I don’t wanna bring it up yet I am afraid she will ignore her own feelings towards me out of atonement towards the past. Dont want to gaslight or be abusive either or bring that day up.

What can I do to make things right? Do I even deserve a second chance?

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, living a three-hour drive apart. Two or three weeks ago, everything was fine, except I was having doubts about my feelings for her due to the distance even though things went great whenever we saw each other on weekends. I’m not someone who misses people much; I don't really miss my family or friends, and I don't miss my girlfriend in that way either, though sometimes I wish she were there with me when I’m doing an activity, having a bad day, or feeling stressed. Sometimes I just want to be in her arms. Also, sometimes she wants eggs in the morning; I don't really feel like making them, but I do it anyway because I love seeing her happy and smiling.

But since last Thursday, I feel like I don't love her—like I’m not looking forward to seeing her, yet at the same time, I am looking forward to it. I keep questioning whether I still love her. I spend my days online looking for signs of whether I love her or not; sometimes the feeling comes back and I want to see her, and I know deep down that I do love her. Also, this morning she called me by a nickname I like, and I smiled, but I didn't feel love or happiness :( The same thing happened when she said she was proud of me—I smiled proudly, but I didn't feel anything. Right now, I feel neutral about the fact that we’re seeing each other on Friday :( but I *do* want to be with her. I don't understand. I just got off a call with her and I was happy; I was asking about the exam she took and was genuinely interested. I don't get it :( I don't want to break up or realize that I don't love her and if you ask me i would take care of her if she sick etc i would say say directly

but now i feel like every morning the first thing a think about is if i love her or not. i feel that each day i feel like when i call her i feel annoy by her even if i was the one that call her first or that i was happy to see her call me. like 1 week ago i thought about buying her a little surprise just like that because i want etc

TL;DR i feel like i dont love her anymore but at the same time i love her :(

do think i should leave her or not ?

there's something so incredibly wrong with me. I find it so incredibly hard to tell someone that I have feelings for them. I tell myself that "she can never know, im taking this to my grave". Around 4 years ago a girl told me that she liked me and I told her that I didnt have feelings for her but i'd be interested in getting to know you. I never truly loved her and kept on telling her that, and she knew that but she would still tell me that I would one day I will fall for her. This went on and off for 3 years and I wasted so much time thinking that she might be right. But it never happened. Fast forward a few months, I made a friend and I've now known her for a year now and for the first time I fell for someone but the funny thing is that another guy entered the chat recently and boom ive blown my chance. And what hurts the most is that I developed these feelings a long time ago, like a month or 2 into our friendship. Sorry you guys had to read this but I had no one to tell this to, so yea. Plus heres another thing I added, me talking to myself lmao.
I feel hella bipolar. I tell myself im over her but Im not. I know whats right for her but then im also like you know what if?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months. He lived with his ex girlfriend in a different city and moved back to our hometown. He left his phone unlocked last night and I went through it and saw she had texted him one week ago asking about something missing from their place and if he had taken it. I then found his conversation on chat gpt asking if he should reply. Then I saw he was telling chat gpt that he thinks about her from time to time and that he realizes now what he lost and that going back to the relationship would be hard after moving 1600 miles away and us being together, he also said she’s more financially and mentally stable (lol). How do I proceed and go about this without mentioning going through his phone?

Long story, short story, I made a mistake being an inconsiderated with my partner, I also was egoistic. I apologized sincerely, but, she asked for space, and told me she doesn't accept my apology. After 9 hours of space, I asked her if we can talk and she accepted. I apologized again, in a very proper way, I told her that I did a very wrong act, that it isn't justified.

She told me that she thanks my apology, but she doesn't accept it. She told me that she was very dissapointed on me. That she wants to go talking normally to me again, but she's not comfortable anymore. I understood, but I am really sad. I cannot believe that I made this mistake, and I cannot believe that I did this ONE DAY before our monthiversary.

I am extremely found in guilt, pain, and a lot of regret. Yesterday was one of the worst days that I have experienced in a lot of time. I even dreamed that everything is back to normal, and that she even wrote me a paragraph while I was sleep telling me how much she loved me. Today, i woke up, and she'd only texted me a "Happy Monthiversay, I love you much". I am crying tons, and I even hit my head with my hands out of despair. To add some more context, I did this mistake after a week that was so rough for her, after two days of her starting to feel better. I know im a fucking asshole for this. I just want advise on how can I deal with this guilt that I feel.

TLDR: I fucked up, and I want advise on how can I deal with the guilt.

I have begun to notice signs that my partner is seeing someone else. I work 1st shift and she works 3rd we rarely see each other and just moved into a home together. I am going crazy trying to figure out what I should do. How do I know if I'm just making things up in my head or if she's really being unfaithful?

Hi everyone. I really need to vent and get some outside perspective because I’m sitting here crying and feeling completely drained.

To give some background, I’m in a long-distance relationship, and I haven't been feeling well for a couple of days because I've been dealing with a fever and body pain from my period.

A couple of nights ago, my boyfriend was out very late for work. He didn't text me for hours, wasn't answering my calls, and wasn't replying to my messages. I got so worried and stressed out that I ended up with a severe migraine around midnight. When he finally replied, he said he was busy, it was traffic, and stopped to eat because he was hungry. He apologized a few times, and I just said "it’s okay" and went to sleep.

The next day, I still felt terrible, but we decided to play an online co-op game together. While we were playing, he brought up a hypothetical situation and kept pushing me to answer it. The scenario was: “Imagine in the future we have kids, and one day you wake up and find I’m gone. What would you do?”

I told him it was a terrible, messed-up situation and that I didn’t want to answer it. But he kept insisting over and over again. Finally, just to get him to drop it, I answered, "I would remarry."

That set him off. He got angry, clammed up, and refused to talk to me for the rest of the night, claiming he was going to sleep an hour early. I asked him if there was a problem we needed to talk about, and he said no, so I went to sleep early too.

When I woke up the next morning, there were 15 deleted messages from him, no "good morning" text, and absolute radio silence. I texted him "GM" anyway, and he answered right away. When I called him, he started taunting me multiple times about "finding a new husband" and remarrying.

I told him we needed to actually communicate and solve the problem like adults. His "solution"? He told me I had to make a video of myself doing "sit-stands" (squats) while repeating out loud that I was wrong and that I was sorry. 😐

Keep in mind, I still had a fever, terrible period cramps, and severe body pain. I felt completely cornered and humiliated, but out of pressure, I did it and sent it.

As soon as I hit send, I broke down. I cried for an hour straight, and I'm still crying as I write this. To be completely honest, I’m not even crying over the argument itself , I’m crying because I feel like I’ve completely lost my self-respect by giving in and sending that stupid video.

I just don't know what to do or how to process this anymore. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hey Reddit. I need help to understand wtf is going on. Honestly I just want to try and make sense of this (my girlfriends and I can’t)
So I 32 f was married for less than a year after a 6 years relationship to my ex 40 m.
It ended just about 1.5 years ago (badly) he cheated and he wanted to stay friends (wtf) but once he started dating again he thought he was clever again, he was hiding his story from me on IG but he didn’t hide it from my friends. So I knew he started dating and I unfollowed him and thought that was it. You know. We are adults.
I don’t care you are dating dude. just don’t ask to be my friend and keep lying to me. wtf.

I would admit. The first time I realized my ex was dating someone I was curious to see who is this woman who would date a guy that just cheated on his wife lol.
So I looked her up. After a day or so she blocked me on IG (my first time getting blocked) I was honest with my partner about the hole story and my feelings and he was never blocked before as well, he just wanted to see what that looks like so I showed him and he realized that he knows her!
Plot twist: my partner and my ex husband’s girlfriend matched a while back and talked for a bit but he wasn’t into her (small world, whatever). We also found out she still follows him and actively or passively is looking at his stories.
We didn’t want this to be an issue so he removed her from following him (didn’t know it’s a thing but ok cool) so now she needs to actively look for him to see what he uploaded. While we blocked my ex (for a whole other reason but what ever).

Basically. We want nothing to do with them we wish them all the best as far away from us as possible.

She keeps looking at his stories.
Meaning. She actively looks for him.
Lately I noticed she looked at my LinkedIn, a few weeks after that my TikTok. I checked to be sure I’m still blocked with her on IG (I wanted to block her just to be safe but I can’t do that)

They got married a few weeks ago.
We were sure that was it right? No more of them.
Nope.
She keeps looking at my partners instagram. Yesterday we ended up blocking her because we genuinely feel like this is getting creepy.

At this point I’m actually concerned and confused.
Should I be worried?

Side note- I know we are all adults and wtf social media and this feels like teen drama but after the past week I’m low key scared of them. How many more ways can we tell you that we don’t want anything to do with you guys?

I’m looking for outside perspective because I’m genuinely trying to understand whether this is a reasonable boundary concern or whether I’m reading too much into it.

I’m 26F, and my boyfriend is 24M. We’ve been together for 3.5 years. I’ve noticed that he follows back several girls on Instagram who appear to be around 16–18 years old. At least one is a 16F coworker from the restaurant where he works. He says they followed him first.

I brought it up calmly and asked whether he thought it was a little unusual. I used the reverse example of a 26F following back a 16M coworker, and he seemed to understand briefly why that could look questionable.

I’ve also noticed that teenage girls appear in his TikTok recommendations fairly often. I realize algorithms can be influenced by many factors, and I don’t know what that means by itself, so I’m trying not to jump to conclusions.

For context, I’ve had experiences that make me particularly alert to how older men interact with teenage girls. I know that may make me more sensitive to certain situations, and I’m trying to separate that from what I’m actually observing.

I’m not saying I have proof of anything inappropriate, because I don’t. I’m trying to understand what reasonable boundaries would look like.

My questions are:

● Do you consider it normal for a 24M man to follow back 16F girls, particularly coworkers, simply because they followed him first?

● Is there a meaningful difference between casually following a teenage coworker and actively seeking out or engaging with teenage girls online?

● What would you consider reasonable boundaries in this situation?

I’d appreciate honest perspectives from people who can look at the situation objectively. I’m not looking to accuse anyone of something I can’t prove; I just want to understand how other adults would view this.

I (21F) have been talking to this male (21M) for the past 7 months. I’ve come to really enjoy his company and we get along really well. On one occasions, we were just talking about our past and just generally our past relationships, I can’t recall how the topic must have come up, but he brought up if I wanted to see his ex. Being the curious person I am, I accepted and he showed me her Instagram handle. It was the worst decision ever. I’m usually a very secure female in my looks and have always been told I’m attractive etc. from the point he showed me his ex ( 3 months ago) till now I’ve never felt uglier. I find myself constantly comparing myself to her, the way I look, my hair and hair my hobbies. He’s made it clear that he wasn’t serious about her and only used her for sexual favours (yep.). In his words “you can’t wife slags like that” which is something I did argue with him about and called him out on the way he spoke about her; but that’s an entirely different issue. I can’t even have normal conversations with him without thinking
about his ex (should’ve been my ex atp 😭).

Is there no chance of a relationship now?

Hey, long post sorry. Just need some outside opinions bc I keep going back and forth in my head

So I (28M) met this girl (22F) earlier this year through a mutual friend. We live a few hours apart so we'd see each other every few weeks for a couple days at a time.

Pretty much right after we first hooked up she told me she wasn't looking for a relationship. She'd basically been in relationships nonstop since her teens and had been single for about a year. She said that in relationships she always lost focus on herself and felt like she couldn't really grow as a person. She wanted to be able to do her own thing without justifying it to anyone, like starting a new hobby without someone complaining they'd see her even less. Which was honestly totally fine with me. We weren't really "dating", just having a good time together, no pressure

But over like 4 months it slowly turned into something that felt pretty much like a relationship. Holding hands, cuddling a lot, few trips together, texting most days. She introduced me to some of her friends and told me I was the only guy she'd been seeing this year. Feelings grew on both sides tbh

And that's exactly what became the problem for her. When I asked how she felt about where this was going she said she really enjoyed our time and had been thinking about it too. But she thought we'd see each other like once or twice and never expected to fall for me like that. You could tell she was kinda scared of how much she was starting to feel. Distance and being in different life phases came up too but more as a side thing

Few days later we talked again. She went into the convo planning to end it but was super torn the whole time, kept saying how sweet I was and that this doesn't leave her untouched. Said she doesn't want her feelings to keep growing for months just for it to end later and hurt even more. So we agreed she'd take some time to think

Now she texted me that she decided she can't keep going. It's getting too much for her and she thinks she's better off without it. Really kind message tho, thanked me for the time and said I'm a great person. So it's not like the feelings weren't there. She ended it because they were and it was too much for her

I took it well, thanked her and asked if we could talk one more time so I can get some closure, not to change her mind or anything. She said yes. She's away for about 2 weeks so we'll talk when she's back. Still on good terms

So my questions:

1. When someone ends things because their feelings are growing and it overwhelms them, does that ever change after some time apart? Or is that usually it?
2. Is the feelings thing usually the real reason or could it still be more about distance / different life phases?
3. She's a huge romantic (romance novels, love movies etc) which confuses me even more lol. How does that fit?
4. Should I just go no contact until we talk? And how do I handle that call without reopening everything or making it worse for myself?

Honest answers appreciated, even if they're harsh :)

Hello
Me (almost 21 female) and my bf (23 male) have been together for a year 1/2. This is my first ever relationship and I love him very much. But I am having little thoughts of how we are compatible. I’ll let you know what me and my bf are like

Me
I am a calm person but with a cooky silly personality. I love creative makeup that I post online. I love odd fashion and design. I’m obsessed with dressing up for any event or even no event. I love music festivals/clubs/raves. I believe I’m a nice person and very excepting of people

Bf
My bf works as a shearer. His is in hot sheds every day but he loves it a lot. He loves cricket and footy with a drink in his hand ( can you tell we are Australian 😂) he also loves marvel movies, and taping on the pokies

The problem is that I’m a very positive person and he is a very blunt person. I am the least judgemental person I know but i find he is a bit judgy.

I hate that I’m writing this part out but before I knew my bf, I had a crush on a friend let’s call him Ben. Ben is not a close friend as he lives 3 hours away but when the group is together it’s so much fun. He is a very silly odd guy, and the things he says will make you laugh and question on his weird thoughts.

The silliest night of my life was with him and our friends On Halloween, we went to a drag club and me and my girl best friend dressed up as pimps,while my friends bf and Ben dressed up as our hookers. They wore crop top, small tight skirt, high hills, wigs and makeup. They had so much fun letting go and being silly and that made me truly happy.

But when I think of that night, I often think my bf would never do something like. And it makes me sad. I know I can’t make him do anything he is not comfortable with . But for a person to let go and be their true self makes me feel amazing. So when Ben comes along I feel like I can let go and feel like I won’t get judged. And I doesn’t help when Ben is a really good Looking guy

I’m also a pan sexual person so I like men, women, transgender women and men.
But I’m mostly attracted to men especially flamboyant men. Men who wear a bit of makeup and can feel slight feminine at times in a male way.

And my bf is not like that. But I still very much love him and he is very patient with me. And I feel like he has grown as a person because of me. But I’m bullying my self with these thoughts please help

I’m having my bday in 3 days I’ll let you know if I’m still haveing these thoughts

I (24F) just found out that my long term boyfriend, Jasper (24M), has had a very big crush on someone else. This crush has created a lot friction in our relationship for which I was blaming myself until one of our mutual friends (let's call him Sam) told me about this whole thing. We have recently reached a point in our relationship where we were both trying to understand if the relationship was working for us, since he was bringing up some problems and the feeling he didn't feel connected anymore.

I was a bit caught off guard because I was feeling like our relationship was fine and started blaming myself for lack of information. Sam has been very close to me during this time, saw how sad I was and decided to tell me about the crush my boyfriend had had 2 months ago (right when the issues were starting).

The girl in question is the girlfriend of Jasper's best friend, and they have been together for 7 years now. Sam made me read some chats form the time right after the crush happened, where my boyfriend was saying things like "nobody has made my heart beat like this", "she's always been my type but I never acted on it because she was my best friend girlfriend, but now I feel like this might not be completely one-sided" and also "this doesn't feel like a crush, but more like full on falling in love", "this ten days together made me go completely crazy and I just can't stop thinking about her".

For a bit of context, we just came back from a vacation with his whole friends group that I organized in my hometown, in my own house, where I couldn't be very present because of a lot of stress (I had just gotten evicted from my apartment and I couldn't find a new place, my father had stopped talking to me because of a very big argument we had, on top of organizing the whole trip for everybody (about 15 people) with bookings, restaurants, activities and overall schedules, for which, I have to be fair, my boyfriend did help) on top of very bad low blood pressure and weakness because of the intense heat. I was basically laying in bed whenever whe had a bit of spare time, and while I was there trying to feel better Jasper and this girl spent a lot of time together.

On the chats there were also other things, him saying that he really loved me and that he didn't want to be feeling any of that, feeling very depressed about the whole situation and wanting to make it right and understand everything.

After discovering this I tried to talk to him, asking if he had anything he wanted to add on why he wasn't feeling good in the relationship, if there was something else I should know excetera; but even if I pushed he didn't admit it until I told him clearly that I knew and Sam that had told me everything. After that he crashed, saying he was sorry, that he was scared of my reaction and that's why he didn't tell me, that he has been working on it with his therapist and that the situation has changed a lot from the chat that I read, which was a spur of the moment when the situation still very fresh (the chat is indeed 2 months old and there weren't any new one after that). He told me that he loves me and wants me, thathe wants to be a better person and make this right but he keeps sabotaging himself.

Right now I'm very confused, I'm still very much in love and attached to Jasper (we have been together 3 years and he was my safe space during my parents very messy divorce, that is still happening), at the same time I feel like I didn't deserve any of this and it's making me feel so small and insecure and confused (mind you, I found out all of this within 48 hours, before this our relationship has been more or less normal).

We are right now deciding if this relationship is worth saving, which I don't want your opinion on, I just want to hear your experiences and trying to understand. If I choose to stay with him, is it realistic to build that trust again with boundaries and a lot of effort? On your experience what did it take for you to feel safe again? Is there any coming back from this?

I don't know if it the right subreddit for this, so feel also free to give me advice if this post is better suited somewhere else.

Thanks in advance to everyone who will stop and give advice.

I (F) have an amazing boyfriend. He’s funny, loving, respectful, hardworking, family-oriented, and studying economics. I’m a law student, we are both pretty busy. He’s genuinely the kind of man I want to marry and have children with 100%. I love him deeply, and I don’t want to leave him.

We have been together for 4 years. However, over the years, he’s stopped taking care of himself. He’s tall and has a cute face, but he’s developed a very noticeable belly while the rest of his limbs are too thin. Eats poorly and never ever exercises. I’m very fit, I also have almost no time for myself, but still exercise and hit my macros and maintenance bc I like looking toned and feeling strong. I understand he’s busy with college and his internship, but I feel he could def make time for himself if he wanted to.

This has grown overtime, and I didn’t really care because I truly adore this man. The problem is that lately I’m losing physical attraction to him due to his body. I still love him and find his face attractive, and sex is good, but lately, I genuinely don’t want to have sex. I always go along with it anyway, he never pressures me btw I just lie. He notices when something feels off and asks if I’m okay, but I keep blaming it on stress because I’m afraid of hurting him.

I feel awful because I don’t want him to think his appearance determines his worth or that my love is conditional. I want a future with him, and I’m not planning to leave. But I also don’t want to keep pretending everything is fine when our sex life is being affected.

Should I address this? How can I tell him that his lack of self-care is affecting my attraction to him, in the hope that he’ll start exercising and taking better care of himself, without destroying his confidence or making him feel inadequate?

Please help :(

I suddenly have this gut feeling about my girlfriend of 3 years that she may be cheating. We have been doing long-distance for 1.5 years now, and suddenly her patterns have changed. She doesn't text me as much and has started wearing bold clothing, and she even got a haircut. Recently, she told me that she talked to another dude solo for 2 hours, and even called him later at night to talk about university-related things. Am I reading into this too much? Even if she is cheating on me, it will eventually expose itself, even if I am not actively looking for it, right?

My boyfriend used to be a security guard downtown. He recently got asked to work this weekend for halloween for extra help. We just got back together so I know he was talking to some other girls which is fine. But he says he doesn’t want me going downtown because he thinks that guys will try to flirt with me. I don’t really want to be all alone on halloween while he’s out with a bunch of girls in costumes. He told me he used to get drunk while working and that’s how he met his ex girlfriend. We were also supposed to go to his camp for halloween (i made plans to go out with my friends while him and i split) so i canceled my plans with them to go to camp with him and then he said he changed his mind and said he is going to work.

Anyways he originally told me that i could come and sit close to him while he’s there if i went alone with him. Now he’s saying i need to stay home and he’ll come straight home after. He’s going to be working with his one friend who i honestly don’t like. i think he’s a bad influence. Does drugs all week and talks horribly about women lol. Idk. I have a feeling that he’s not going to be coming straight home because he always says that. Idk i’m just uncomfortable with the whole thing and i told him that but he won’t hear my side. I’ve mentioned to him before about maybe bartending and he said absolutely not. “I don’t date women who bartend and talk to a bunch of guys all night” So i just feel like this is kind of a double standard. What do you guys think. idk what to do

Me 25F and my boyfriend 25M have been together for a year doing ldr and we see each other every 3 or so months, 6 months into our relationship I started suspecting that he was doing things behind my back due to his behaviour so I asked him for his instagram and went through it

I found that he has been using a fake profile to stalk his ex, follow & message sex workers/only fans models & send pages to jerk off to

I have no issues with p\*rn use whatsoever so I wasn't upset by that but going through the dm with himself and his fake page I see that he sent himself my friends instagram page which is private,to his jerk off page. He did this 10 days before he flew to see me for my birthday and we were texting while he was doing this, he was saying he loved me and he couldn't wait to see me while doing that to my friends picture.

It has been 6 months and I think of this almost daily.

He claimed he never jerked off to it (I don't believe him because he is the type that will lie until you have cold hard proof and then admit it) and that he just sent it because he has large breasts and is "pretty" it's just so violating to my friend as well. He claimed to not know she was my friend but all of the mutuals are my family which he could not have possibly missed. Eventually he admitted he just sent it anyway and he's sorry and whatever

I thought this was the man I was going to marry and be with for the rest of my life but now I just see him as a nasty pervert. I know it may seem like a silly question but I really need help here because I don't know what to do.

Has anyone else been through this and can give some advice on how to try moving forward?

TLDR: caught my bf sending my friend page to his secret fake page I didn't know he has for listing over women online. How do I get over this?

Hi everyone on Reddit,

I just turned 28, and my dating life is an absolute mess right now.

It feels like every single time I try to get back out there, I end up in the exact same cycle: I constantly attract women who reject me, girls who turn out to be already taken, or women who feel completely out of my league.

I honestly don't get what I'm doing wrong or how to fix this pattern. How do I actually start attracting genuine, quality women into my life? Any advice would be appreciated.

I went on a 5-day trip to Banff with my boyfriend and his family. We all shared an open-concept hotel room where the shower area had glass walls, meaning people in the bedroom could see silhouettes and movements inside.

Throughout the trip, I noticed my boyfriend repeatedly looking toward the bathroom whenever his younger sister went to shower. I tried to convince myself I was overthinking it, but I even put blankets up for privacy, and I still caught him peeking when he heard her say she was going to shower.
What made me question things further was that, when we were alone, I noticed he was watching a shower video on Pornhub. I don’t know if these things were connected, but after what I’d witnessed, I felt extremely uncomfortable.

When I confronted him, he denied everything and told me I was disgusting for thinking that way about his sister. He said I deserved to go to hell for suggesting it. I told him I wouldn’t have these concerns if I hadn’t seen what I saw.

The argument escalated, and he hit me in the stomach with a spray deodorant. When I defended myself, he grabbed my hair and repeatedly hit my head with it until I started bleeding.

He panicked afterward and tried to get me to clean the wound. Then he went downstairs and told his parents that I had sprayed him in the eye. His mom came upstairs, saw that I was bleeding, and said, “Why do you guys have to ruin our vacation?”
I was shocked. I was sitting there bleeding, and her main concern seemed to be the vacation.

I’m struggling to process everything that happened. I can’t prove what his intentions were when he looked toward the bathroom, and I don’t want to make accusations without knowing for sure. But the behavior made me uncomfortable, and the violence afterward was terrifying.

Am I overthinking the behavior I noticed, or would you also have concerns? How would you handle this situation?

Not a regular poster and this will probably be extremely long winded so thanks in advance for reading through everything. I'm just interested in hearing perspectives from others on an incredibly difficult situation I'm going through right now.

I have a 4 year old daughter and am separated from a long time partner of roughly ten years. We're both in our late 30's.

To preface our relationship wasn't in an amazing place. We had recently had a child which was both of our first and were navigating the struggles of working and taking care of a new life. Our communication was pretty poor and we tended not to see eye to eye on a lot of things. We weren't at each other's throats or anything but there just didn't seem to be much spark left, especially considering much of the focus was on our little one. We moved out of our apartment and into my parents while we were building an apartment/addition on to her parents existing house. This added more stress onto an already stressful situation. I was quite busy with work and she was taking care of our child and working as a part time server. (This has been the case for her since she was a teenager basically and she is still part time serving today) Our schedules were very opposite and we would essentially be caring for our child while the other was working. Needless to say that didn't leave much time for us to prioritize each other. Our relationship was stagnant and we were going through the motions. Im aware that I could have done more during this time to make her feel loved/special but I just thought this was kind of normal in relationships after being together so long.

Fast forward a year roughly and we're moved into the new addition at her parents. It's just a normal night watching TV together and she seems really on edge. She gets up and goes outside which I didn't think much of and all of a sudden I hear her scream my name outside. So I come running down the stairs and grab the nearest heavy thing I can find while I watch a truck speed away from the front of the house. My little daughter is in the house so I'm concerned for everyone's safety in this moment. She proceeds to tell me that she connected with a guy from her work nearly a year before that moment and that he's been stalking her for the better part of a year. He was some kitchen guy that clearly had drug/alcohol problems and serious mental issues. She admits that she's been dealing with this for roughly a year. Tells me he's made death threats to her, made death threats about me, and threatened to kill himself as well. I had absolutely no idea what to think in the moment and was mostly concerned about everyone's safety in the morning so I just stayed up with her and watched him rip up and down the street in his truck until he eventually took off.

It's clear to me that she's been lying to me for God knows how long. Saying shes staying for drinks after work with her girlfriends and essentially cheating with this guy. When she breaks it off with him he goes completely nuts and this is the end result. She said that she was trying to protect me and my daughter by trying to deal with everything herself which was laughable to me but I was pretty stoic at the time about everything. I'm typically a bit closed off and didn't know how to handle the situation so I cried myself to sleep for a couple weeks and just carried on with life as best as I could.

When you're so connected with someone ( living together and have a child) it's really difficult to know what the right decision is when faced with a tough situation. Looking back I know I should have just ended things right there but I just didn't have the balls to face up to it. I was never even close to being unfaithful and I had never questioned her loyalty before this. Anyways, she ends up going to the police and getting a restraining order against this guy. He tries to contact her every now and then as well as me but as far as I know he's moved on at this point.

So time passes and I go into autopilot mode. Working and taking care of my daughter are my main priorities. We stop kissing, hugging, saying I love you, doing things together etc. We're basically cohabitating/co-parenting but I haven't dealt with any of my emotional wounds from all of this. Eventually she starts staying out late, not coming home till the early morning, saying shes staying at a friend's etc. All the while my resentment is building and building until I blow up. I call her sketchy and say I don't want anything to do with her and that sort of thing. I continue on auto pilot mode and we keep living together, working and taking care of our daughter. Im convinced that we're not right for each other and we're never gonna be able to make things work.

Somewhere down the line my daughter mentions a guy's name that I haven't heard before that gave her a little gift. I was obviously frustrated and brought it up with her and we got in a big fight. I finally decided that I had to talk to someone about it so I went over to my sister's and told her everything. (I hadn't told anyone, anything about the whole situation) I end up going through all the trauma and betrayal and realize that this is someone I actually really care for that just hurt me really deeply.

For the next couple months I snap into repair mode. Trying desperately to fight for my family and to save our broken relationship. I couldn't imagine breaking up our little family and was committed to doing everything I could to mend it. She started off denying that she was seeing someone and just said that she was chatty/flirty with guys. She expressed feelings towards me that felt like she still might want to work on things. This was the most stressful/ anxiety ridden point in my life. I was constantly playing detective, trying to sniff out lies from the truth and just digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole. She consistently lied to me about what she was doing and who she was doing it with because she was undecided how she wanted to move forward. Eventually I move out to my parents l, still with the hope that some time apart would help us on this journey. I confide in my friends and family, telling them everything and allowing the whole situation to become 'real'.

For a long time I struggle with loving/hating this person. Going back and forth until I'm driving myself crazy. I know it's best for co parents to be friends if possible but for me there's just too much pain to imagine being platonic with her. She guilt trips me using my daughter and says I'm being immature about the whole situation and I just wish I could have nothing to do with her.

Fast forward to today. I'm renting a two bedroom basement apartment for me and my daughter to have our own space which has been really nice. I'm no where near dating or thinking about connecting with a girl at a time like this.

Meanwhile she is clearly dating this new guy that she kept secret for so long. She's now expressing that she intends to have him around our daughter which is a gut wrenching feeling for me. There is still some jealousy and feelings of rejection. But it's mostly just anger that there could be someone new around my 4 year old daughter. From what I understand this guy worked at her work and is 8-10 years younger than her which I find ridiculous. My daughter is obsessed with family and is still very confused about her parents. She still draws pictures of us all together clearly hoping that we can be a family today. I think it's very selfish of my ex to subject my daughter to this. My ex says that she only has him around while in 'group situations' and that she has thought very carefully about how she's moving forward and that our daughter is our number one priority.

I believe she is a very loving mother but I question her ability to provide for our daughter considering half of her bills are still paid by her step dad and she still just works as a part time server and is terrible with money. She has a habit of driving people away and now her only friends are mostly bar staff that are 10 years younger then her. She's always gotten extremely defensive when criticized a out anything and has a habit of spinning everything around so it's someone else's fault. I feel like I don't even know her anymore and have no desire to communicate with her on a human level at all.

We had a big blow out through text tonight where I asked if she would give me her new boyfriends number if she plans on having my daughter around him. She basically refused and said she would like me to meet him but only if it's in person and she is there. Obviously she wants to control the narrative and I doubt he understands how messy this situation truly is. The last thing I want to do is meet this guy. The only reason I want to talk to him is to tell him that I'm not comfortable with him around my daughter and that he should tread carefully cause he has no idea what he's getting into.

I'm at a loss. This situation is harder than anything I thought I would ever have to deal with in my life. I know this is only one side of the story and I know I could have been better when it meant something. But it all just feels like cruel and unusual punishment for me. Just interested in hearing outside perspectives on the situation. If anyone has gone through anything similar I'd greatly appreciate some feedback on coping strategies/ how to move on with life during crazy times like these.

Thanks in advance ✌️