I(F27) have never been in a relationship before. I would like to try it out, but honestly it’s so confusing. Everything I know about dating and relationships came from either the movies or my very conservative upbringing.

I don’t understand how long the talking stage has to be before you can be “dating”. I don’t like situationships cause I know its gonna mess with my head. I need the commitment. But then when is too early to ask for a commitment? I’m not necessarily saying I think I would marry someone after going out with them for two weeks, but you can be in a committed relationship and still see where things would go right?

I wish we could go back to dating before where guys would actually court girls and show interest. This whole nonchalant situationship casual bs is honestly really depressing.

I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself even typing this, I am aware this is not normal and I genuinely need to get a life, apologies if this is long I have a lot on my mind. We've been together a year, and I can't stop obsessing about him. This is not in a "he's so dreamy" kind of way, but more in a "what did I do wrong" "does he even care about me" way, obsessing over interactions and what I could have done different.

Before we met, I had lost all my friends after being in a very long deep depression and ultimately ghosting everyone instead of talking about it. I will always regret doing that and running away from my problems, and currently other than my partner, I don't have anyone to really hang out with. I'm barely called in to work and lately I've been stuck at home trying to keep myself busy while scavenging for other jobs. I find myself feeling jealous of my bf, seeing him have his own things to do and other people he can hang out with without needing to think of me. I'm happy he has all this support, but I keep comparing to myself and how he has more fun with others than with me. How we don't do much when we do hang out, how he seems to laugh more when someone else is talking, how he actually goes out with friends and does things with them while we stay inside. I feel evil for thinking the way I do, comparing myself to others, but I always have this thought in my head that he will never care for me as much as he does for those who have been in his life for longer, and that truth always makes me feel bitter.

I get in my head and think, he doesn't want to make time for me anymore. He doesn't miss me as much as I miss him, he's going to fall out of love with me if he hasn't already, he is disgusted by my looks and personality. The other day I expressed I wasn't feeling well, he gave me a one word response and changed topics. He claimed before he was going to be busy that day and that's why we can't hang out, but he ended up hanging with friends and consoling another and playing games and 'forgetting he had responsibilities that day'. I kept expressing how I miss him, he doesn't make any action, so I gave up and went to bed. I feel selfish for wanting to spend more time with him, he is not obligated to come see me especially since I do not have a car. I want to visit him but he gets upset if I bring up me paying for my own transportation, and I also doubt he'd want to spend more time with me when we were just together not long ago.

I'm scared to even think of bringing this up to him, I don't want to ruin anything, the one relationship I have right now outside of family. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him, I know I have to be upfront about my feelings and wants, but I get scared of his reaction or if I'm bothering him. I feel so alone every day I'm not with him and I know it's not healthy, I can't rely on another person for my own happiness. I'm in therapy and on meds, but it's all still in my head and I can't take this. I feel even typing this that I'm victimizing myself which I most likely am, and will probably just try to move on from this or something.

How do I get him out of my head when we aren't together? What hobbies do you have that help fill up the time?

Repost here because I placed this on the wrong sub before. Long post sorry!

I (M 33) cheated on my GF (F 33) of 15Y twice in our relationship. This morning I wrote a letter because I had no right to risk jeopardizing her health. We have been living together for five years. Known each other since high school. She is my first love still to this very day.

Side note that may be relevant: There has been “cheating” from her side which I discovered. However that was 13y ago and was an affair that she told me never grew sexual, mostly sexually tinted messages, and she has long since been forgiven for it.

Story below.

In 2021 we were in a really rough patch. My gf was feeling very depressed for months and I was doing all I could to support her. After a few months of doing my best I started feeling my own needs not being met.I felt like I could not tell her that I was feeling unloved. She needed me to be her strength, not another burden she had to bear. After some things happened I passed by a massage salon, somehow decided to go in, and got a happy ending (by hand) massage. This is the scummiest thing to do, and I am a fucked up person for doing this to her. I wanted to tell her all of it but in my head I was afraid of making her sad, confused and feel unwanted or not enough. It also however caused me no longer to think about my own distress and got me to focus entirely on her alone, which helped me push my own feelings away again. Guilt? Definitely.
I decided to keep this a secret for the rest of my life even if it kills me, and told myself I would never do anything like this ever again.

Fast forward to August of this year (2026). She didn’t show any affection, didn’t wanna have sex for a whole year (once a month), was very distant, and clearly very frustrated and sad. I once again ended up in the same coping strategy as 2021. This time however my own feelings were released in a sudden crying spree. I told her I was afraid of losing her and wondered if she still loved me, told her she doesn’t have to stay with me if she doesn’t want to. At this point I was probably wanting to tell her everything, but couldn’t say the last bit out loud. I cried as I got out of the salon after the deed. All of the emotions I felt were changed into guilt. I didnt tell her purely because I didn’t want to lose her. I got nightmares about this frequently, about her finding out, crying, leaving.

We wanted children. And just over a month later(September)we tried for the first time. Now after trying for the second month(October) right the day after I felt a weird tingle on the tip of my cilinder. I knew it shouldn’t be an std but kept looping it in my head, what if I hurt her, what if she finds out, what if I hurt her, what if she finds out. The feeling got stronger over the course of 24h and I could not sleep. I looked at her sleeping, played all 15 years through my head. The cheating kept coming up. Contemplated telling her or not. Scummy things like tell her only when positive for something went through my mind. The deciding factor was that her physical health is too important for me to play with or risk anything with, and that I deserve what’s coming to me. So I wrote a letter as I got up, telling her of both times I cheated. That I would respect her wishes. I knew I couldn’t take it back if it was written, I wouldn’t lie or hide my way of this if I left the note and went to work. (She gets home earlier than me).

As I got to work, after writing it down, way less pain in the penis. Results this morning say I am negative for everything. My body physically reacted to my fear. I should have communicated with her before I betrayed her. I regret hurting her, just thinking about her pain makes me bawl out in regret and disgust.

I am not gonna wallow in useless self pity, will give her space and stay with my parents until she is ready to talk and decide for herself what she wants to do with this information. I hope she has people around to help her.

I wanna save the relationship. At the same time I do not want her to just take me back because she did something hurtful to me 13 years ago. I don’t wanna bring it up yet I am afraid she will ignore her own feelings towards me out of atonement towards the past. Dont want to gaslight or be abusive either or bring that day up.

What can I do to make things right? Do I even deserve a second chance?

My girlfriend and I have been together for three years, living a three-hour drive apart. Two or three weeks ago, everything was fine, except I was having doubts about my feelings for her due to the distance even though things went great whenever we saw each other on weekends. I’m not someone who misses people much; I don't really miss my family or friends, and I don't miss my girlfriend in that way either, though sometimes I wish she were there with me when I’m doing an activity, having a bad day, or feeling stressed. Sometimes I just want to be in her arms. Also, sometimes she wants eggs in the morning; I don't really feel like making them, but I do it anyway because I love seeing her happy and smiling.

But since last Thursday, I feel like I don't love her—like I’m not looking forward to seeing her, yet at the same time, I am looking forward to it. I keep questioning whether I still love her. I spend my days online looking for signs of whether I love her or not; sometimes the feeling comes back and I want to see her, and I know deep down that I do love her. Also, this morning she called me by a nickname I like, and I smiled, but I didn't feel love or happiness :( The same thing happened when she said she was proud of me—I smiled proudly, but I didn't feel anything. Right now, I feel neutral about the fact that we’re seeing each other on Friday :( but I *do* want to be with her. I don't understand. I just got off a call with her and I was happy; I was asking about the exam she took and was genuinely interested. I don't get it :( I don't want to break up or realize that I don't love her and if you ask me i would take care of her if she sick etc i would say say directly

but now i feel like every morning the first thing a think about is if i love her or not. i feel that each day i feel like when i call her i feel annoy by her even if i was the one that call her first or that i was happy to see her call me. like 1 week ago i thought about buying her a little surprise just like that because i want etc

TL;DR i feel like i dont love her anymore but at the same time i love her :(

do think i should leave her or not ?

My gf (F20) and I (M20) have been dating for about 10 months now and she’s never gone out to a club or anything like that. She planned on going to the club last year on Halloween but due to not being able to commute, she cancelled. This year her best friend asked her to go clubbing 2 nights in a row. The best friend isn’t on good terms with her boyfriend, she drinks and smokes, has alot of guy friends and I just cant get myself to trust her to be honest. My gf and I had plans that we would go out together before but we didn’t really plan where we would go. So she said since we dont have plans i decided to go out with my bsf. As the days get closer, I’m getting more anxious and I dont know how to deal with it. I talked to my gf about it and she said you just need to trust me but I keep thinking about different scenarios where she could end up cheating on me. Im not sure how I can deal with it and if anyone can help I would really appreciate it.

there's something so incredibly wrong with me. I find it so incredibly hard to tell someone that I have feelings for them. I tell myself that "she can never know, im taking this to my grave". Around 4 years ago a girl told me that she liked me and I told her that I didnt have feelings for her but i'd be interested in getting to know you. I never truly loved her and kept on telling her that, and she knew that but she would still tell me that I would one day I will fall for her. This went on and off for 3 years and I wasted so much time thinking that she might be right. But it never happened. Fast forward a few months, I made a friend and I've now known her for a year now and for the first time I fell for someone but the funny thing is that another guy entered the chat recently and boom ive blown my chance. And what hurts the most is that I developed these feelings a long time ago, like a month or 2 into our friendship. Sorry you guys had to read this but I had no one to tell this to, so yea. Plus heres another thing I added, me talking to myself lmao.
I feel hella bipolar. I tell myself im over her but Im not. I know whats right for her but then im also like you know what if?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months. He lived with his ex girlfriend in a different city and moved back to our hometown. He left his phone unlocked last night and I went through it and saw she had texted him one week ago asking about something missing from their place and if he had taken it. I then found his conversation on chat gpt asking if he should reply. Then I saw he was telling chat gpt that he thinks about her from time to time and that he realizes now what he lost and that going back to the relationship would be hard after moving 1600 miles away and us being together, he also said she’s more financially and mentally stable (lol). How do I proceed and go about this without mentioning going through his phone?

Long story, short story, I made a mistake being an inconsiderated with my partner, I also was egoistic. I apologized sincerely, but, she asked for space, and told me she doesn't accept my apology. After 9 hours of space, I asked her if we can talk and she accepted. I apologized again, in a very proper way, I told her that I did a very wrong act, that it isn't justified.

She told me that she thanks my apology, but she doesn't accept it. She told me that she was very dissapointed on me. That she wants to go talking normally to me again, but she's not comfortable anymore. I understood, but I am really sad. I cannot believe that I made this mistake, and I cannot believe that I did this ONE DAY before our monthiversary.

I am extremely found in guilt, pain, and a lot of regret. Yesterday was one of the worst days that I have experienced in a lot of time. I even dreamed that everything is back to normal, and that she even wrote me a paragraph while I was sleep telling me how much she loved me. Today, i woke up, and she'd only texted me a "Happy Monthiversay, I love you much". I am crying tons, and I even hit my head with my hands out of despair. To add some more context, I did this mistake after a week that was so rough for her, after two days of her starting to feel better. I know im a fucking asshole for this. I just want advise on how can I deal with this guilt that I feel.

TLDR: I fucked up, and I want advise on how can I deal with the guilt.

Hi everyone. I really need to vent and get some outside perspective because I’m sitting here crying and feeling completely drained.

To give some background, I’m in a long-distance relationship, and I haven't been feeling well for a couple of days because I've been dealing with a fever and body pain from my period.

A couple of nights ago, my boyfriend was out very late for work. He didn't text me for hours, wasn't answering my calls, and wasn't replying to my messages. I got so worried and stressed out that I ended up with a severe migraine around midnight. When he finally replied, he said he was busy, it was traffic, and stopped to eat because he was hungry. He apologized a few times, and I just said "it’s okay" and went to sleep.

The next day, I still felt terrible, but we decided to play an online co-op game together. While we were playing, he brought up a hypothetical situation and kept pushing me to answer it. The scenario was: “Imagine in the future we have kids, and one day you wake up and find I’m gone. What would you do?”

I told him it was a terrible, messed-up situation and that I didn’t want to answer it. But he kept insisting over and over again. Finally, just to get him to drop it, I answered, "I would remarry."

That set him off. He got angry, clammed up, and refused to talk to me for the rest of the night, claiming he was going to sleep an hour early. I asked him if there was a problem we needed to talk about, and he said no, so I went to sleep early too.

When I woke up the next morning, there were 15 deleted messages from him, no "good morning" text, and absolute radio silence. I texted him "GM" anyway, and he answered right away. When I called him, he started taunting me multiple times about "finding a new husband" and remarrying.

I told him we needed to actually communicate and solve the problem like adults. His "solution"? He told me I had to make a video of myself doing "sit-stands" (squats) while repeating out loud that I was wrong and that I was sorry. 😐

Keep in mind, I still had a fever, terrible period cramps, and severe body pain. I felt completely cornered and humiliated, but out of pressure, I did it and sent it.

As soon as I hit send, I broke down. I cried for an hour straight, and I'm still crying as I write this. To be completely honest, I’m not even crying over the argument itself , I’m crying because I feel like I’ve completely lost my self-respect by giving in and sending that stupid video.

I just don't know what to do or how to process this anymore. Any advice would be appreciated.

Pta h aj kya hua

We are dating for last 10 months and eventually was long distance so things got worse and this is how he talk to me if I get mad at something or I just ask for clarification or just ask for him to give me some time this is how we talk so me so what should I do if it normal or I should not talk to him at all he has blocked me from everywhere but not from Snapchat so what should I do

Hey Reddit. I need help to understand wtf is going on. Honestly I just want to try and make sense of this (my girlfriends and I can’t)
So I 32 f was married for less than a year after a 6 years relationship to my ex 40 m.
It ended just about 1.5 years ago (badly) he cheated and he wanted to stay friends (wtf) but once he started dating again he thought he was clever again, he was hiding his story from me on IG but he didn’t hide it from my friends. So I knew he started dating and I unfollowed him and thought that was it. You know. We are adults.
I don’t care you are dating dude. just don’t ask to be my friend and keep lying to me. wtf.

I would admit. The first time I realized my ex was dating someone I was curious to see who is this woman who would date a guy that just cheated on his wife lol.
So I looked her up. After a day or so she blocked me on IG (my first time getting blocked) I was honest with my partner about the hole story and my feelings and he was never blocked before as well, he just wanted to see what that looks like so I showed him and he realized that he knows her!
Plot twist: my partner and my ex husband’s girlfriend matched a while back and talked for a bit but he wasn’t into her (small world, whatever). We also found out she still follows him and actively or passively is looking at his stories.
We didn’t want this to be an issue so he removed her from following him (didn’t know it’s a thing but ok cool) so now she needs to actively look for him to see what he uploaded. While we blocked my ex (for a whole other reason but what ever).

Basically. We want nothing to do with them we wish them all the best as far away from us as possible.

She keeps looking at his stories.
Meaning. She actively looks for him.
Lately I noticed she looked at my LinkedIn, a few weeks after that my TikTok. I checked to be sure I’m still blocked with her on IG (I wanted to block her just to be safe but I can’t do that)

They got married a few weeks ago.
We were sure that was it right? No more of them.
Nope.
She keeps looking at my partners instagram. Yesterday we ended up blocking her because we genuinely feel like this is getting creepy.

At this point I’m actually concerned and confused.
Should I be worried?

Side note- I know we are all adults and wtf social media and this feels like teen drama but after the past week I’m low key scared of them. How many more ways can we tell you that we don’t want anything to do with you guys?

I’m looking for outside perspective because I’m genuinely trying to understand whether this is a reasonable boundary concern or whether I’m reading too much into it.

I’m 26F, and my boyfriend is 24M. We’ve been together for 3.5 years. I’ve noticed that he follows back several girls on Instagram who appear to be around 16–18 years old. At least one is a 16F coworker from the restaurant where he works. He says they followed him first.

I brought it up calmly and asked whether he thought it was a little unusual. I used the reverse example of a 26F following back a 16M coworker, and he seemed to understand briefly why that could look questionable.

I’ve also noticed that teenage girls appear in his TikTok recommendations fairly often. I realize algorithms can be influenced by many factors, and I don’t know what that means by itself, so I’m trying not to jump to conclusions.

For context, I’ve had experiences that make me particularly alert to how older men interact with teenage girls. I know that may make me more sensitive to certain situations, and I’m trying to separate that from what I’m actually observing.

I’m not saying I have proof of anything inappropriate, because I don’t. I’m trying to understand what reasonable boundaries would look like.

My questions are:

● Do you consider it normal for a 24M man to follow back 16F girls, particularly coworkers, simply because they followed him first?

● Is there a meaningful difference between casually following a teenage coworker and actively seeking out or engaging with teenage girls online?

● What would you consider reasonable boundaries in this situation?

I’d appreciate honest perspectives from people who can look at the situation objectively. I’m not looking to accuse anyone of something I can’t prove; I just want to understand how other adults would view this.

I (21F) have been talking to this male (21M) for the past 7 months. I’ve come to really enjoy his company and we get along really well. On one occasions, we were just talking about our past and just generally our past relationships, I can’t recall how the topic must have come up, but he brought up if I wanted to see his ex. Being the curious person I am, I accepted and he showed me her Instagram handle. It was the worst decision ever. I’m usually a very secure female in my looks and have always been told I’m attractive etc. from the point he showed me his ex ( 3 months ago) till now I’ve never felt uglier. I find myself constantly comparing myself to her, the way I look, my hair and hair my hobbies. He’s made it clear that he wasn’t serious about her and only used her for sexual favours (yep.). In his words “you can’t wife slags like that” which is something I did argue with him about and called him out on the way he spoke about her; but that’s an entirely different issue. I can’t even have normal conversations with him without thinking
about his ex (should’ve been my ex atp 😭).

Is there no chance of a relationship now?

Hey, long post sorry. Just need some outside opinions bc I keep going back and forth in my head

So I (28M) met this girl (22F) earlier this year through a mutual friend. We live a few hours apart so we'd see each other every few weeks for a couple days at a time.

Pretty much right after we first hooked up she told me she wasn't looking for a relationship. She'd basically been in relationships nonstop since her teens and had been single for about a year. She said that in relationships she always lost focus on herself and felt like she couldn't really grow as a person. She wanted to be able to do her own thing without justifying it to anyone, like starting a new hobby without someone complaining they'd see her even less. Which was honestly totally fine with me. We weren't really "dating", just having a good time together, no pressure

But over like 4 months it slowly turned into something that felt pretty much like a relationship. Holding hands, cuddling a lot, few trips together, texting most days. She introduced me to some of her friends and told me I was the only guy she'd been seeing this year. Feelings grew on both sides tbh

And that's exactly what became the problem for her. When I asked how she felt about where this was going she said she really enjoyed our time and had been thinking about it too. But she thought we'd see each other like once or twice and never expected to fall for me like that. You could tell she was kinda scared of how much she was starting to feel. Distance and being in different life phases came up too but more as a side thing

Few days later we talked again. She went into the convo planning to end it but was super torn the whole time, kept saying how sweet I was and that this doesn't leave her untouched. Said she doesn't want her feelings to keep growing for months just for it to end later and hurt even more. So we agreed she'd take some time to think

Now she texted me that she decided she can't keep going. It's getting too much for her and she thinks she's better off without it. Really kind message tho, thanked me for the time and said I'm a great person. So it's not like the feelings weren't there. She ended it because they were and it was too much for her

I took it well, thanked her and asked if we could talk one more time so I can get some closure, not to change her mind or anything. She said yes. She's away for about 2 weeks so we'll talk when she's back. Still on good terms

So my questions:

1. When someone ends things because their feelings are growing and it overwhelms them, does that ever change after some time apart? Or is that usually it?
2. Is the feelings thing usually the real reason or could it still be more about distance / different life phases?
3. She's a huge romantic (romance novels, love movies etc) which confuses me even more lol. How does that fit?
4. Should I just go no contact until we talk? And how do I handle that call without reopening everything or making it worse for myself?

Honest answers appreciated, even if they're harsh :)

Hello
Me (almost 21 female) and my bf (23 male) have been together for a year 1/2. This is my first ever relationship and I love him very much. But I am having little thoughts of how we are compatible. I’ll let you know what me and my bf are like

Me
I am a calm person but with a cooky silly personality. I love creative makeup that I post online. I love odd fashion and design. I’m obsessed with dressing up for any event or even no event. I love music festivals/clubs/raves. I believe I’m a nice person and very excepting of people

Bf
My bf works as a shearer. His is in hot sheds every day but he loves it a lot. He loves cricket and footy with a drink in his hand ( can you tell we are Australian 😂) he also loves marvel movies, and taping on the pokies

The problem is that I’m a very positive person and he is a very blunt person. I am the least judgemental person I know but i find he is a bit judgy.

I hate that I’m writing this part out but before I knew my bf, I had a crush on a friend let’s call him Ben. Ben is not a close friend as he lives 3 hours away but when the group is together it’s so much fun. He is a very silly odd guy, and the things he says will make you laugh and question on his weird thoughts.

The silliest night of my life was with him and our friends On Halloween, we went to a drag club and me and my girl best friend dressed up as pimps,while my friends bf and Ben dressed up as our hookers. They wore crop top, small tight skirt, high hills, wigs and makeup. They had so much fun letting go and being silly and that made me truly happy.

But when I think of that night, I often think my bf would never do something like. And it makes me sad. I know I can’t make him do anything he is not comfortable with . But for a person to let go and be their true self makes me feel amazing. So when Ben comes along I feel like I can let go and feel like I won’t get judged. And I doesn’t help when Ben is a really good Looking guy

I’m also a pan sexual person so I like men, women, transgender women and men.
But I’m mostly attracted to men especially flamboyant men. Men who wear a bit of makeup and can feel slight feminine at times in a male way.

And my bf is not like that. But I still very much love him and he is very patient with me. And I feel like he has grown as a person because of me. But I’m bullying my self with these thoughts please help

I’m having my bday in 3 days I’ll let you know if I’m still haveing these thoughts

I need someone to tell me how I should take this, if it’s cheating or not. This happened in February/march this year, but I keep remembering about it from time to time. Me and my boyfriend had been dating since February this year and our relationship was very intense since the beginning, we would argue a lot but make up hours later, break up many times from dumb things but get back together a day later, but for about 2-3 months we’ve been doing much better, make efforts in understanding eachother and argue less. He said he wants to marry me and he even started to provide for me financially even though I said he doesn’t have to. We spend all day together, play games, watch stuff, talk and just mesh extremely well, but from time to time smth that happened months ago still comes to me and it attacks my brain with thoughts like “he still thinks about his ex” or “he will cheat on you” or “he cheated on you before for sure”, etc. A few months ago I told him to share his screen to me, like I said back then things were really intense, no trust, always fighting. I tell him to go into “deleted messages” and there I find what seemed to be a conversation with his ex gf, he dated this girl for like 6 months and they broke up in like November or December 2025. The first message was sent by her in February when me and him were still getting to know eachother, and kinda dating (we met in January this year).
So this is how the first conversation went:
Her: hi? (14 February)
Her: hey (double texted in the same day)
Him: hello (15 February at 2am)
Her: what’s up (15 February 4am)
Him: nothing much, thanks for asking. Honestly we shouldn't really speak, like I said I'm not gonna block you but our contact should only be essential things like maybe checking in every few months if anything (15 February 8am)
Her: okay if u say so

A day later HE texts her first :
Him: Ik I said we wouldn’t talk for a good while but I wanted to say, I had a dream abt u last night lol (16 February)
Her: anything interesting?
Him: *he says the dream it wasn’t anything crazy just them hanging out and he says “they hugged”)
Her: aww that’s cute
Him: yes it was very random. Just wanted to mention it before I forgot, have a good day.

(What bothers me here is that, on this day we slept together on call because he was away at that time, and I sent him a big morning paragraph saying sweet stuff, and while he was sleeping on call with me, he was dreaming of her and texting her abt it?)

Then she texted him to call and play a game together, and they did. He said that during the call she kept trying to flirt with him and try to have a conversation abt getting back together and that he just rejected her

Then they don’t talk anymore for the rest of February, so this was like 2-3 days in February they spoke, then she texted him a happy birthday in march, here me and him were dating, and she offered to buy him smth and send it to him (a mic, quite expensive) to which he declines the offer, she kept reaching out a couple more times but he wouldn’t reply or only replied once very dry and late.

They had a conversation abt how he didn’t like how she treated him and how their relationship went and then on 14 April, a month later he texts again “hey, Just felt motivated to say hope you're ok and doing well. Keep talking to God. We most likely won't speak again after this but just take care of yourself. My time with you was meaningful, even if I did feel betrayed by the way you treated me in the end, it was helpful learning for my future relationships, cya.” And then he blocked her. And that’s where they’re conversations finished, I found out abt all of these in may, a month after their last message, I remember crying and yelling and felt very disgusted and heart broken, idk if I overreacted but it’s just how I felt, his reasons was that he just needed closure and that he does not want her or love her, and that if he wanted her back he would’ve went back to her when she kept reaching out and asking to get back together, I didn’t feel better tho because I wish he would’ve just never replied and block her since the beginning, and I wish he told me his ex reached out. And about the dream he had of her, he said he only said that to her to see how she reacts, I don’t understand him and I don’t know even know months later if to believe he rlly didn’t have any intentions, it’s true that back then we were just barely dating, or fighting , or were broken up, or another dumb scenario, but it still hurt, and to this day I feel that what we have is not real, and that he doesn’t actually love me, and still thinks abt her or even still talks to her but hides it better now.

What should I believe? Did he cheat on me? Did he not do anything wrong? Am I overreacting? Is it normal for him to text her back then?

I (24F) just found out that my long term boyfriend, Jasper (24M), has had a very big crush on someone else. This crush has created a lot friction in our relationship for which I was blaming myself until one of our mutual friends (let's call him Sam) told me about this whole thing. We have recently reached a point in our relationship where we were both trying to understand if the relationship was working for us, since he was bringing up some problems and the feeling he didn't feel connected anymore.

I was a bit caught off guard because I was feeling like our relationship was fine and started blaming myself for lack of information. Sam has been very close to me during this time, saw how sad I was and decided to tell me about the crush my boyfriend had had 2 months ago (right when the issues were starting).

The girl in question is the girlfriend of Jasper's best friend, and they have been together for 7 years now. Sam made me read some chats form the time right after the crush happened, where my boyfriend was saying things like "nobody has made my heart beat like this", "she's always been my type but I never acted on it because she was my best friend girlfriend, but now I feel like this might not be completely one-sided" and also "this doesn't feel like a crush, but more like full on falling in love", "this ten days together made me go completely crazy and I just can't stop thinking about her".

For a bit of context, we just came back from a vacation with his whole friends group that I organized in my hometown, in my own house, where I couldn't be very present because of a lot of stress (I had just gotten evicted from my apartment and I couldn't find a new place, my father had stopped talking to me because of a very big argument we had, on top of organizing the whole trip for everybody (about 15 people) with bookings, restaurants, activities and overall schedules, for which, I have to be fair, my boyfriend did help) on top of very bad low blood pressure and weakness because of the intense heat. I was basically laying in bed whenever whe had a bit of spare time, and while I was there trying to feel better Jasper and this girl spent a lot of time together.

On the chats there were also other things, him saying that he really loved me and that he didn't want to be feeling any of that, feeling very depressed about the whole situation and wanting to make it right and understand everything.

After discovering this I tried to talk to him, asking if he had anything he wanted to add on why he wasn't feeling good in the relationship, if there was something else I should know excetera; but even if I pushed he didn't admit it until I told him clearly that I knew and Sam that had told me everything. After that he crashed, saying he was sorry, that he was scared of my reaction and that's why he didn't tell me, that he has been working on it with his therapist and that the situation has changed a lot from the chat that I read, which was a spur of the moment when the situation still very fresh (the chat is indeed 2 months old and there weren't any new one after that). He told me that he loves me and wants me, thathe wants to be a better person and make this right but he keeps sabotaging himself.

Right now I'm very confused, I'm still very much in love and attached to Jasper (we have been together 3 years and he was my safe space during my parents very messy divorce, that is still happening), at the same time I feel like I didn't deserve any of this and it's making me feel so small and insecure and confused (mind you, I found out all of this within 48 hours, before this our relationship has been more or less normal).

We are right now deciding if this relationship is worth saving, which I don't want your opinion on, I just want to hear your experiences and trying to understand. If I choose to stay with him, is it realistic to build that trust again with boundaries and a lot of effort? On your experience what did it take for you to feel safe again? Is there any coming back from this?

I don't know if it the right subreddit for this, so feel also free to give me advice if this post is better suited somewhere else.

Thanks in advance to everyone who will stop and give advice.

I suddenly have this gut feeling about my girlfriend of 3 years that she may be cheating. We have been doing long-distance for 1.5 years now, and suddenly her patterns have changed. She doesn't text me as much and has started wearing bold clothing, and she even got a haircut. Recently, she told me that she talked to another dude solo for 2 hours, and even called him later at night to talk about university-related things. Am I reading into this too much? Even if she is cheating on me, it will eventually expose itself, even if I am not actively looking for it, right?

Hi everyone on Reddit,

I just turned 28, and my dating life is an absolute mess right now.

It feels like every single time I try to get back out there, I end up in the exact same cycle: I constantly attract women who reject me, girls who turn out to be already taken, or women who feel completely out of my league.

I honestly don't get what I'm doing wrong or how to fix this pattern. How do I actually start attracting genuine, quality women into my life? Any advice would be appreciated.

How can I prevent this? I understand it’s not always preventable, but he hasn’t brought up any concerns to me. We’ve been dating for two and a half years, and it’s been the best relationship i’ve ever had. Anytime i prod and ask how we are or if he’s still in love with me, it’s always a positive and reassuring response. I saw a text message on his phone where his friend asked how our relationship was and he replied “no comment.” I’ve seen other things pointing towards this, but there’s been no change in how we are as a couple. I do a lot for him because I care so much about him, and because I thought we were building a life together. The past few months i’ve been working on becoming healthier and trying to be better overall. Just wondering if anyone’s been through something like this or if anyone has any words of encouragement. This might be the hardest thing i’ve ever had to consider happening. My plan is to ask him tonight for a relationship check in and see where that goes. I understand that might be the extent of what I can do but open to any thoughts.

We’ve been in a relationship for about 1 month now known her for a while, she’s going to earn way more than me in 10 years time as she’s becoming a Dr soon (I’ll be so proud of her)

Given that I don’t have a degree, due to helping out my family when they needed me, I do not know what my earnings will look like in 10 years time.

I want to give her the life she wants but I’m afraid I won’t be able to, and I love her so much that I don’t want her to spend the rest of her life with someone like me that will be able to provide the basics but not anything more unless I miraculously make more money.

Has someone been in a similar situation and could advise me as in what to do?

It's just like the title states and here is the context:

We first met in mid-May at a meet and greet event at a local bar. My personal goal was to make more friends since I am quite introverted and have a very hard time making friends to begin with. Most of the friends I have now are from elementary school or from high school. Because of this I have a hard time getting into a zone were the person is not a lifelong friend, but also not a complete stranger I'm trying to have a conversation with. The hard part for me is all my friends are guys so I'm not sure where the line is in terms of what's appropriate with talking to a woman and what's not appropriate when it comes to interacting with woman.

To be honest I wasn't expecting meeting a lot of people my age since I saw a lot of elderly at first, but throughout that night I did meet her we'll call her Sarah. Sarah and I started talking and for the first time in a long time it felt like I could just talk to somebody without feeling any pressure. What I mean by pressure is afraid of saying the wrong things and them being uncomfortable, so the conversation stops. Usually making them leave and never talking to him again. While conversations did stop once in a while it wasn't Because of what I said, I just ran out of things to say lol.

At the end of the night she need to leave to take care of her Kitty. And I asked her for her discord so we could perhaps play some games together and hanging out again. (Note there was a second guy that we talked to during that time and we did get his information however we just never talked to him again he just stopped replying)

We talked on discord for a bit, before I asked Sarah if she wanted to hang out at a local arcade/bar. At this point we've been talking for about two months, she replied “I'm down as long as this is a platonic invitation lol”. I personally had a lot of fun while the conversation did die once in a while it wasn't as bad as the first time. We ate together at the bar and went to the basement to play the arcade games. I had such a blast hanging out with her when we were playing the arcade games classic and new. After we left to go to our homes.  I did apologize for not walking into her car cause I didn't know if I was supposed to do that or not.

We have been talking since on discord on and off she is a much more busier life than I do, but I tried to send memes and stuff to keep conversations going and last week we played Mario Kart 8 on the switch which she annihilated me at lol.

The thing is though I can't tell where we are in terms of our relationship. I want to believe that she thinks of us as friends and not associates but I can't tell. My big problem is I overcomplicate things in my head. Especially that she is a woman, I don't know certain etiquettes I should treat her, whether if I should treat her differently or not, whether she be offended if I do trat her different or not. This is just a lot that goes through my head when I think of this. I don't want to overstep and freak her out and lose her, but I also want to see if perhaps we can have a stronger relationship(Not FWB).

So I'm asking here since I'm not sure exactly I where to go and I want inputs from people that I don't know as a neutral party give or take. SHould I just go for it?

My boyfriend (18) and I (17) have been together almost 6 months, so clearly not crazy long, but I still want to make it work, obviously. We don't have many issues other than stuff he kind of repeatedly does, and I need to know if I'm maybe expecting too much or need to change anything.

To start off strong, he seems to be a little insensitive, if thats the right wording. I, unfortunately, had my dog get hit by a car back in April and not survive, he was the first one I told as we had started getting close again and I kind of disappeared from the conversation with no explanation when I found out, and I didn't want to just lie. I don't expect him to remember everything, but he finally asked me out exactly a month after she died, which I felt was a little odd, especially after I had mentioned it had been a month earlier that day. Regardless I said yes, but the issue is that he repeatedly makes jokes about throwing his own dog into traffic. He heavily dislikes the dog he has since his family got him right after his old dog had died, and he isn't trained at all so from what I've heard he's pretty frustrating. The first time he made that joke was about 2 months after my dog's death, I asked him not to say that, and he apologized and said he wouldn't, yet he's said it maybe just under 10 more times since then and I gave up asking him not to after the 4th time. Two days ago he just did not seem to care when I brought up it being a year since my horse died, as he just changed the conversation when I said that's the reason I might be off, which okay, I get if he's not comfortable with me bringing it up, but I'd rather he communicate that than completely disregard it. I don't expect him to turn into a therapist and say everything perfectly when I mention the two animals but I also don't wanna be ignored. I've genuinely never dealt with death until the horse and ever since then that's all I think about with everyone and my animals. I've also asked him to stop making child abuse and rape jokes, for obvious reasons. He rarely makes them but he does it often enough that I keep thinking about them. Not to mention him asking for nudes (which I refuse to do) and randomly making sexual jokes. I'm not prissy, but I'm not one to just want to hear sex jokes constantly, especially with what I've experienced that I've told him about.

He also has a tendency to forget stuff. I know that's not his fault, he doesn't choose to forget stuff, but it bothers me when it's stuff important to me or stuff that I've explained/talked about multiple times. I understand that not everyone thinks like me, but I can argue that I make the effort to remember stuff someone says, especially if they seem to mention it a ton. When I got the dog that's now gone, we also got a cat with her. The cat unfortunately kept getting let outside (which I disagreed with and tried to stop from happening) and she didn't come back one day. I was questioning him and I asked if he remembered which cat I got with my dog. He named the two cats I have now (one of which I got while we were actively talking) and the cat that belongs to my grandpa before I told him the answer. The car that my grandma and I basically shared was called Teebu, I was the main one that used that name for it, and I used it nearly every time I mentioned the car. 8 times out of 10 he'd ask "who" Teebu was. This seems so childish to complain about but how can you say you love someone but not care to try and remember stuff important to them? My memory sucks too, so I started writing down anything he told me in my notes so I wouldn't forget anything and I suggested he do the same a few times but he dismisses it and just apologizes, so I dropped it and have just started replying to another message I sent before explaining something if hes asked about it more than maybe twice. He also forgot the horse's name. I said it and he was confused until I sent a photo. I talk about all of my animals a ton, I love them, yet he forgets a ton of their names, and even forgets about them. I could tell you the name and breed of a hamster he mentioned once that his mom had 10 years ago but he can't remember animals that I really love and it hurts a bit.

Last main thing I think, he copies me a lot. Obviously I don't own any of these behaviors or words or anything, but I don't want someone just copying all that I do. When we first started talking I used mostly "🥹, 🥹💔" religiously. Clearly not my original ideas as I kind of took it from tiktok lol, but then he started doing it. He didn't use emojis at all and talked completely differently before we got closer. It was kind of cute at first but its just annoying now. I used to use "🩵" in place of the usual read heart and he started using the green one. I started using "⁉️‼️❓️❗️" in replace of "?, !" And he started doing it too. Then I switched to "❕️❔️" so we could at least be somewhat different, he started using those ones too. I started saying "yippee" in place of "yay", he started doing it too. Again, I don't think I own these things and I'm not the only one ever allowed to do it, but doing it on your own is much different from seeing someone else do it and copying it. There's small things I do that I haven't seen many people do and I like that I can have unique quirks, and he'll start to do them too. I had brought up him doing it and how it made me feel, but he hasn't stopped so I didn't bring it up again. I have heard that copying someone is common when people like each other and its fine until its everything imo.

This all probably seems very stupid I know. I'm obviously not perfect myself, but when he says he doesn't like something, I stop. I'll slip up sometimes and call him bro but I'll edit it and apologize when I do. I'm so tired of him saying sorry instead of just genuinely working on changing it. I clearly don't want him to completely change I just want him to see where I'm coming from, as small things add up.

Please don't be mean lol, I want to know if there's anything I need to do better or change, and if I'm right or wrong about my complaints. I don't think I'm asking too much but I might be wrong. We're young I know but I'm not just gonna ditch him over stuff instead of trying to fix it. Sorry about anything being badly written, I'm tired

Hi everyone, I am writing this because I really don't know what to do right now, I have a feeling that this will be a pretty long post, so grab your popcorn. For context, I (21 F) and my boyfriend (21 M) have been dating for just over a year, but we have known eachother since we were about 15 years old. Like any relationship there has been ups and downs, disagreements, but nothing major, I love him very much and at this stage in our relationship had finally, and completely let my guard down, loving how comfortable he made me feel.

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This morning I opened my boyfriends phone to check what time his alarm was set for. As I did this I accidentally clicked on a Reddit notification that he had received, the notification itself was fine, it was just for a game he likes to play, I'm not sure what came over me but for some reason I decided to snoop a little bit and look through his history on Reddit, which is not usual for me and it was the first time I'd ever looked through anything on his phone (we both use eachothers phones quite often and nothing has ever popped up to make me suspicious).

Immediately I was met with post after post of pornography, I scrolled through it all for about 5 minutes until I reached the end, they were all captioned with something similar to "skinny girl gets pounded". This made my heart race and instantly I felt nauseous, prompting me to have a break and throw up in the bathroom before I could even make it to the end of the list of videos. By this point there was still about 30 minutes before his alarm was due to go off so I decided to think about what I was going to say when he woke up.

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Reading through all the captions and seeing the girls in the videos made me feel like shit to be honest, my boyfriend and I are both decently tall hes 6'1 and im 5'10 however I am about 100kg (30ish kgs heavier than him) so i am by no means "skinny" or small. All my life ive been self concious of both my height and my weight, I have tried dieting and exercise however nothing seems to have worked very well, I suspect possibly a hormone issue although I have no formal diagnosis. My boyfriend is aware of these insecurities and has always been supportive and loving, and has never made me feel bad about being a bit bigger.

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At the beginning of our relationship he did admit very early that he has struggled with porn for years, I didn't judge him for it because I know many guys also struggle with it, I did however make him aware of my opinions on it, and that I would find him watching porn behind my back extremely disrespectful. I told him that we could work through it together and that I know its not going to be easy to break the habit. I was right the habit wasnt easy to break but he made really good progress once we started taking pictures of myself and him while we had sex. He eventually told me that he hadnt watched porn since and had been using the pictures we took instead. This made me feel alot better, I had no reason not to trust him, I had even seen convos between him and his friends about how none of them watch porn anymore and they all feel so much better without it. Until this morning I 100% trusted him.

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After his alarm had gone off I wasted no time asking him when he had last looked at porn, he said he didnt know, I then handed him his phone with the Reddit history already open. I asked why we was watching it and for how long hed been watching it behind my back. After talking about it and many tears from myself, he had told me that hed only started watching it again within the past couple weeks, maybe once or twice a week. He said that since Id started my new job just over a month ago, he had been quite lonely (I have been working 10 hour shifts, 8/9 days a fortnight, with little to no phone usage during the shifts) I understand that they are long work days and that ive got to be in bed pretty early to be up in the mornings, but we were still spending time together and having sex a couple times a week, so its not like I had completed abandoned him. My favourite part of each day was actually coming home and being able to finally send time with him.

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It really hurt when he said that he stopped using the pictures and videos we had taken because "they had gotten boring, its all the same. I suggested taking some more or doing something different, it also made my insecurities come back, seeing him specifically search for "skinny" girls.

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To wrap up this post, I just want to ask for some advice, he has apologised and said he wants to work through it if id be willing to, neither of us want to break up, hes said hes very sorry and fully understands how devastated and hurt I am. He admits he messed up and has even gone as far as downloading an app lock, that only I know the passcode to, meaning he wouldnt be physically able to access Reddit, Twitter (X), Threads, or Brave. For now I have agreed to try and work things out and will by trying the app lock, even though I feel like I shouldn't even have to consider using that amount of control over him. Thank you guys in advance, id be happy to reply or edit this with more info as needed. ❤️🙏